#198 - Nikki Glaser and JP McDade

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1:20Visit, you know what we're going to call this McDade's maniacs. Because we have a Patreon sub-series. Let me tell you something, McDade, this one's going to make the free one. You don't say. JP is really like, we keep him chained up on the Patreon. I haven't seen the light in months. We're letting JP out of the sub-basement to just have a shot collar on. That's right. Don't get used to it. You're going right back to the sewer as once Nikki's gone. The poor bus, he puts me in the storage unit down below. But it felt appropriate to have McDade here. I do, you know, I feel like when McDade is in part of a Stavvy Baby Enterprise, he's with Glazer Co. Yeah, we work a lot together. We have a good boy custody of McDade. I know. Who's housed you like better? You have to pick one. The judge is making me choose. It's the clearest answer of all time. Nikki gave you a fucking Rolex. I got you like a track suit one time.

2:23I think I got a fat rascal tour t-shirt. Yeah, you get 20% off at the Stavvy's World Store. I still got to pay for your own patrons. I got to work at the Ford plant and like the great depression or something. Yeah. It's like working for Stavvy Baby Enterprise. 100%. No, I do not begrudge you at all for choosing living at Nikki's house. Overliving over here. Stavvy's a burgeoning union leader. We all know that. Well, well, well, don't tell, don't say the, you word around dial this. That's right. No, you're you're going to work for people like working for you. Yes, I do. I feel like what's the point of getting rich if you can't help your friends. Exactly. That's how I feel. It's the best part. It's really it's truly the best part. And I joke about all the time. Yes, is elders as good at his job as his paycheck. No, not at all, but it makes me smile knowing that he's not on the streets fending for himself. His soon-changed child will have formula. It is a cost consolidation. Move where it's like

3:26combining a podcast producer and a pet. Yeah. Like a pure breed loss of opso. Yeah. Turn on the mics. I know. I'm in the storeway under the bus with James. Totally. But you're on site. But you've made it very comfortable. You have a little foggy. You have like a hot plate. Yeah, it's got, yeah, you have to have a sleeping sleeping bag. Yeah, I rest my head on eldest's stomach. I'm like, this doesn't mean I like you. No, it is it is it is also it's eldest or not. Have you ever if you ever met any Albanians? Do you have any run-in stuff? I don't think so. No, he's not the eldest that we've ever come across. Well, we've talked about it before. His name, he is named after two women. His name, that's right. El Maira and Yaldese. That's right. My mom's and my grandma's name. It's beautiful. Have you ever met another eldest? No, I haven't. I think I think it might be like a Nordic name or something. I've searched it on Facebook before.

4:29Like a long time ago. Trying to find sweetest people or something. Yeah. No other eldest is. No, I guess not a lot of out not a huge Albanian community in the hurry. No, Stabs. Huh? Stabs? Like, do you meet all of the services? No, but it is it's at least like a it's like it's people know it. It's not like a top common Greek name, but it's like, you know, it's like a kind of rare, but you know, like I don't know the equivalent of what's like, I don't know. Somebody named like fucking Gregory or some shit. Yeah, even that. Something more rare. I can't come up with it. Brandon. Brandon's, Brandon, let's say. Brandon. Brandon's a little, you know, yeah, yeah, yeah, a little off the man's Brandon. Yeah. I know that's brand. Yeah, Brandon Brandon. The lot of little fucking variations on the name. But yeah, so I've met plenty of Greek and then there's also like, I think like Russians, there's like Gustavs. Yeah. They go by Stabs. And then I think it's all, I think it's also randomly like a hot like Israeli girl name also. Oh, I did. There's been like

5:30Stabs and they're and it's just like some like, you know, like like a like a tan girl with huge tits or something that the idea is. Yeah, there's some like, girl, same stuff, but we just don't know about. Yeah, that's true. That is true. A guy's name on a girl only works if she's hot. And when it works so well, like a hot Steve, you know, like Bobbi, Bobbi, are you kidding? So good. So you're so right. Yeah, they can pull it off. How do you feel about Nikki? Were you ever mad at it? Is it is like the birth name Nicole? Yeah, birth name Nicole, but I never went by it. It was like my mom was like just in case you ever want to have like a real job. And so she was thought I was going to transition out of it. But yeah, but I never, um, yeah, I never went by anything else. And it's in you meet Nikki's and it's instantly like how do you spell it? Right. Right. And we really do like judge the others. Like an N I K I is like a different in an N I K Y. And I see K Y. Yeah, that's more of the boy spelling. Mm-hmm. And I cute. That's an Italian guy. Nikki. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I see K Y. Nikki Glaserino. Yeah, yeah. Oh, Nikki Glaserino.

6:35But I feel like people are their like I just feel like I'm a Nick. I've never met a Nikki who's like a piece of shit. I know you mean like I just feel like it's not non-minutive determinism, I believe. Yes. And it really does happen. Yeah. What you name your kid, they kind of turn into 100%. Yeah, although isn't there so I don't even know if this is true, but like I just remember in college, a professor being like, you know, there was a family and they named one son winner and one son loser. Right. And winner was in jail and loser, but loser went by Lou, which to me feels like a cop out. What is this experiment? I don't know if it's true or like some charlatan that was teaching hard time at University of Maryland. It's not payout. That's when your tuition went towards and this is a calculus class. Just some guy filling time. He's having a stroke. But loser overcame. Loser overcame. And he went by Lou. And he became like a police star. That's what I thought like this sounds fake because this sounds like a dumb person's morph asaps fable. Yeah. What's like winner was in jail. Loser was the cop who locked it up. You know what I mean? It's

7:39like that's not fucking true. Look that up, elders. Looked up fucking. Yeah. Look in case you know God forbid you have some instincts and we're already doing it. Let's just look it up. But yeah, I know you mean like you sort of I really got I thought I really feel like my name is Stavros. You know what I mean? Absolutely. I really feel like it was so and I have a buddy who's name Stavros who went by Steve. And I think his life would have been so different if he stuck with Stavros. You know, and he was a little younger than me like we grew up in the same neighborhood. We were at the same elementary school. So I already paved the way in my opinion. Yeah. Because I did have my teacher did try and get me to be Steve. And I was like I'm not my name you fucking bitch. My name is and that's where Stav came. It became like the the compromise. Got it. But still it pissed me. I like I'm proud of myself as a little boy. Yeah. Standing up for my. Well, you had a unique name not for Greece, but for here. For here. That got you a lot of attention. Probably inspired the fact that you maybe like attention. That you like originality. And like you're so

8:41right. It just goes from there. Yeah. JP, what about you, man? You went from you decided to go the knit you were like I don't even want a name. I want you letters. You know what it was going to be even worse. It was going to be I was going to be Connor. Like my mom was pregnant with me and like Connor was it. Wait, you kind of like a Connor. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You look like a Connor. Yeah. Yeah. It's kind of date rapey vibe. Yeah. I would say we can take the gate off that. Yeah. Just your rape. He feeds him before. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. When did you decide? Let's go JP. I never decided. I was decided for you. I decided for me because like I was going to be Connor. My grandpa was like, so when's Jimmy the third cone? Because he was James Patrick. My dad's James Patrick. And then I was like, all right, we kind of got to do it now. And then we're like, but there are too many jimmies in the mix. So I just had JP. You know, it's so funny. You're not Jimmy. No, not at all. That would be the divergence. Like if I was going to Jimmy and raise Jimmy,

9:45how different? You'd still be drinking. You would still be drinking for sure. I'd be robbing you'd be five 10. I'd have greased back hair. Oh, man. I'd be snapping my fingers. Jimmy big day. It is an awesome. Like Jimmy big day. It is sound cool. It's not cool. I don't know this is like that's not that you are cool. That's not the cool you are. No JP. JP's a little bit soft. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Understand like soft spoken, but still fucking you know, like JP Morgan. Is that it? Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's a really cool. JP as well. Guy who became a trillionaire and died penniless in the department. He died penniless. He lost it all. Whoa. And people still take financial advice from him. That's the first time I've ever respected JP, JP Morgan. Yeah. Before I thought he was just like a horrible robber bear, but the fact that he blew that rich and blow the money. He's kind of awesome. He bailed out the US government and then wound up dying broke. So he's all that harder than anyone ever. Wait, wait, wait, wait, he didn't get, it wasn't drugs in like, like prostitution. I mean, that's just, think about how much hookers and blow that is.

10:46If you have like a billion dollars in 1929. That's fine. Oh, that's really shit. But, but it was just from bailing out the government. I think part of it and then like at some point they, well, they stopped letting him do monopolies. Oh, right, right, right. Beautiful. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Thought it was a free country. Dude, yeah. I mean, I didn't end all this because his name's JP or what you just know. That's true. Yeah. I got called out recently by my mom, my girlfriend, for loving factoids. Yeah. You got me. Oh, yeah. You are a factoid guy. Yeah. It's all right. That's okay. Love a fucking fun fact. I get to. Yeah. The two women in your life that you love the most were like, here's actually a thing we don't fucking like about you. Oh, God. And we agree. That's what it is. It thrashes me the whole time. That was a kid, my mom. Oh, interesting. I was the first thing. Because your mom is fun and like a hoot. Did she like make fun of you for sure? Not make fun of it. It was mostly just like, Jesus Christ, just like what's wrong with you? Why are you like the way that you are? Right.

11:46There's something wrong with you. Which is way worse than getting roasted. It really is. Because my family is just a disgust and confusion. Exactly, exactly, exactly. I am, I can't, I have so much contempt for you. I can't even put it in the, in a fun content. No. No, I'm just like, I, this is, huh. You're my kid. You know what I mean like that? Fuck is wrong with you. Just like, and I remember, my mom is like my best friend now, but I remember. And she's so cool. And I think this is actually kind of cool. One of my, my literal first memory that I can remember. And because it was in our first house, I remember exactly where I was. I was screaming at my mom throwing a tantrum about something. I must have been four or five. And I ran out in the front yard and she's on the, on the porch. And I go, I hate you. And she just leans over, grabs onto the railing and goes, you know what, Nick? I hate you too. Oh, that's your first memory. Your mom's saying she hates you. Yes. Smash cut. The beacon theaters. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. It was wild because my, I remember the thought was you can't say that.

12:49Like we know the rules of, like, this is my secret weapon. Yes. I can hit you with a low blow. And you can't. And, and then you know what? I hate. It was just, I couldn't, and also that she just like used my insult. I'm like, come up with your own. Like, there was a lot going on in my mind of like, how could, you're not allowed to say that. Yeah, you're, I know she didn't mean it. And she was just in the moment, which is very, you know, I'm very similar to her just saying things when you're angry screaming. I went and saw that. Did you see the invite? I haven't seen it. I heard it was great. It's great. But it's, if you grew up in a house with a lot of yelling, it's white. Well, that's, that has another element because I do feel like you, you know, famously talked about wanting your partner to fuck other girls. So, so it's not only yelling, but it's also like swinging. Yeah, it's a big, and it's so hot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, Penelope Cruz and Edward Norton are so good. He's out of control. It's like, first of all, Seth Rogan, what, I mean, the idea that he's married to one of them and gets to fuck the other one. Respect. You know who wrote this?

13:49He really made it out of the fact that comedy slums. Imagine if in 20 years I'm in a movie with like two of the hottest women of all time and they both fuck me. Obviously, we'll have that. I don't think so. You didn't even question it. I have to say watching it, you don't even go, this doesn't make sense. There's an aura. Okay. You got it. You know you've got it. I mean, I could do it in real life. I'm just saying, I don't know that they would pass to me for the right. I think I could fuck two hot girls. Yeah, yeah. I just mean like, would they craft the movie around me being the guy who gets the fuck both of them? I don't think so. I think I just wouldn't be rage-bait or not. That's true. That is true. I feel like it plays. I could be, yeah, I could be used to, I could be used as a pawn to set it in like men. Oh my god. You could argue that is what's happening. There might be somebody in the CIA that's like, let's make that fat bald guy famous. That'll keep pissing people off. Yeah. I mean, it might be, hey, that would explain it as much as that's the best explanation I've

14:49heard for my run. The last couple of years, it's a style out to piss off like, do you question it sometimes of like what, but you get that you have risk? Yeah, no, no, obviously. It's not, I don't question. I think, I think what's going on, frankly, with all of our industry, like both of our careers are better than we deserve. No disrespect. You're awesome, but it's like, we don't, we shouldn't be this famous. No. You should be living really good lives and have money and like, you know, have a good life. And I was honestly fine with that. Yeah, yeah. It kind of just happens. Right. I never thought I deserved anything. I still call. I don't even. I was never someone that was like, I want that. How come I, I didn't get that and howling about other people getting things. I mean, it was more like self-lagilation of why am I not good enough for that, but never like, why didn't I get that? Totally. And so when you get it, it's like, it's like, I'm pasta syndrome all day long. And so much of my identity was like, these mother fuck out there. Like, it was like, I am good enough. They don't see it.

15:49Fuck you. But then you get it. You're like, oh, yeah. I didn't actually believe it. Yeah, I didn't even believe it. It was just the kind of thing that kept you going. Yeah, absolutely. Because when you, like, for example, like when I lost a Marvel audition to Zach Cherry, I didn't question that. He's a better actor. You know what I mean? But at the time, before you see who gets things, you're like, oh, yeah, I can fuck it. And then it's like, it's just very, it is fucking bizarre. The dish, you know, the dish should just happen. Well, the other half of that is like, if you do get something, you're like, well, this can't be that good of a thing because I got it. Right. Yes. I always do that. Well, they are, they're, they're, this is actually the toilet. Yeah. Yeah. Even though you guys literally revived it for real. It was like, they like basically sent out a news letter four years ago. They're like, they didn't even fucking put it on TV. That's how I ended up hosting. Yeah. Fuck what to do that? Yeah. Anyone? Really? They couldn't find anyone. Oh, right. Joe Koy ate his nuts. That's so right.

16:50I forgot about that. And no one blamed him whether they should or, but it really was like, it's the show. It's like a hard thing to do and no one wants, but I understand it. Thank God I like doing things that are live. Yeah. And in the moment because, I mean, you're, you're crushed. It's because no one else wants to fucking do it. Yeah. Well, you just, I've been in a sense for like, yeah, it's a bunch of hot, famous people eating dinner and you want to perform for them. Yeah. Yeah. It's hell. Yeah. The room is the, I mean, the gig seems like as a gig having stand up comic brain. Yeah. And seeing everything as a gig, hell gig. Yeah. Absolutely. Although I was pissed, I couldn't fucking like I, I, they could, they didn't get me into the Golden Globes from Bagonia was there. I was like, my friend is hosting and my other and, and I have to staff as people I'm doing. I was like, that would have been incredible, but what are you going to do? Hopefully, you guys are running it back one more time. Yeah. One more time. Tony, come on. Let's get Tony on there. Oh, you're going to be there. Let's get Tony on there. And you call me if they don't make room for you at the table. I will. I will. That's what I don't understand. Why not have funny people who, by the way, would have a great reaction shot.

17:53You mean a meme after that of the night? Me sitting next to the most beautiful people in the world. It's awesome. With my hair in a pony tail. People were like, who the fuck is that guy here? Yeah. But anyway, what are you going to do? I was very happy to even be in Bagonia, but it just was, that was my argument. I was like, guys, this is funny. People will react to this so much more than they will, like just the reg, like people regularly being there. But even like presenting, they don't have enough comedians like presenting at award shows. And it's like, why aren't you using these people that make things, boring things entertaining? And speaking of Zach, I pitched the bit I pitched to, to J.P. Because Zach's, you know, Zach's in carbohydrates on one of the best shows, severance. And when I thought I might be there, I pitched a bit where me and Zach were going to complain that Jacob Allordy was Frankenstein and be like, we're getting the hottest guy of all time. Be the most fucked up, looking monster. The fuck is this? And just like, just have an arc, just kind of go through like little fat guys need to be able to anyway.

18:53So anyway, that's what we lost. That's what we lost next time. And it's crazy that Frankenstein was still fucking hot. Like he was. He was a decent, I mean, he was both the monster, but yeah, when you get Jacob Allordy and you're kind of like, damn, I kind of want to watch him and me a God's character. Fuck. You know what I mean? You're like, this would be awesome. And fucking not aschar Isaac beating a shit in the corner or something. Which he will. Yeah. That's what the jealous fight to is about actually. Yeah. Frankenstein. Dr. Frankenstein. Me want your wife's pussy. Put your keys in a bowl. Lookball season is back, which means plenty of excuses to get people together, put a game on and make a whole day out of it. We're ready to watch the game. See it's thought he may be enterprise. The office is finally fitted out. We have a disgustingly large television. We have big ass power recliners. And of course, a fridge fully stocked with that delicious beverage, twisted tea. Twisted tea is refreshing hard iced tea made with real brewed tea and five percent alcohol

19:55per volume. It tastes like real iced tea because it's made with real brewed tea and it's full of flavor and refreshing. The twisted tea party pack has original half an half peach and raspberry. So there's a few different little options for you and it's not carbonated. So it goes down. Oh, so smooth. On game day, you got wings. You got pizza. You got nachos. You can't slow yourself down with that pesky carbonation. Ah, twisted tea. What a wonderful elixir. Twisted tea. Keep it twisted. Grab a refreshing twisted tea today. Must be 21 plus. Please drink responsibly. This episode is brought to you by Visible, the smartest upgrade this season. Isn't a new phone. It's a better wireless plan. Switch to Visible, the ultimate wireless hack. You get unlimited 5G data and unlimited hotspot powered by Verizon. We have visible here at Stubby Baby Enterprises. We love it. We just got a new assistant. She loves it. She's taking all our sushi orders. They're going through the Visible network brought to you by Verizon. It's fast.

20:56It's reliable. It's so sick. They sponsor the Stubby's World hotline, as you know, and make it possible for us to help all our callers out. Oh my God. They're the best. Switch today at Visible.com. The Visible plan starts at $25 a month or get the premium Visible Plus Pro plan and save $10 on your first month with promo code staff. Terms apply. Yeah, dude. But, you know, whatever we'll get. And I should say, I did Seth Meyers. How was that? He's the man. He's the best. He's so fucking free. And at the end, I was like, come on Stubby's World. And he was like, I will. So fingers crossed. Oh, that'd be great. Yeah. I'm a knee for Best Vibes General in the last culture. Oh, yeah. He was the best Vibes. Yeah. He really had. He's so great. By the way, against all odds. You know what I mean? Like, you should like a guy who's just like on SNL and then like decides to take the late night spot when as late night, you know, like late night, it ain't what it used to be. You could really have a bad attitude hosting that show if you wanted to and be like,

21:57fuck man. But he like, it's the most, it was, and the most like I felt you could be funny on a show set. Like they literally ask you to have bits prepared. Yeah. And I fucking love doing it. I really, I honestly do, I kind of, I'm sad talk shows are dead because I do love the, I had a blast doing it. It's fun. I mean, what I'm saying, talk shows are dead. Look what we've created. Yeah. Yeah. Literally on a set with fucking like, he said like, as we're doing, we're the reason they're dead. Yeah. Yeah. Why are talks shows dead? It's the Eric Andre meme. We're all looking for the guy who did the or the hot dog guy. Yeah. There's a studio audience of 200 people sitting silently. We really should do a fucking lot. We should do a live show where instead of like trying to recreate a shitty podcast, because that's what most lives are. Rosalind, Donald, please, Paul. I fucking hate this. Yeah. When it's like, just the podcast you like to listen to with shittier audio quality and them doing bits in the room. It sucks. But if we did like a, like, we did it like a late night show, that would be really fun.

23:01We come out. I'm in a fucking suit. You're like at the announcer's lectern. All right. Put it in the, put it on. Yeah. Put it on. Put it on. Put it on. You know, by the way, any time you want to chime in with that winner and loser fucking anecdote, you piece of shit. Did you even look it up? I did. And it was pretty much exactly as you guys said it. And the anecdote was popularized by the guy that wrote freakonomics. Oh, one of the great bulls. I think those are all the Bunked. What an era of like complete bullshit. Oh my god. Between it, who's the other guy who's on the tipping point? Yes. Malcolm Gladwell. Malcolm Gladwell. I still talk about 10,000 hours now. It's like embedded. It's like, but it's just like, no shit. If you do something a lot, you get good at it. You wrote a fucking book about that. You wrote for 400 pages. You just have examples of people practicing a lot and getting good at something. And that's what passed for intellectualism. Like in fun, you know, in the Obama era, we really thought life was good. We were like, we don't have to think hard. We're never going to have any real problems ever again.

24:02We got a black guy in the White House. Oh my god. We're so fucked now. We're so fucked now. And they primed us for being stupid. Because that's what we thought it was. That's what we thought was smart. And now it's like all those business books that you'd have that joke about. The like, how to fucking take over the fucking. Oh my god. The fucking business bitch. You know, the business bitch. Yeah, yeah. Just we really. What's the power, the 49 laws of power? 48. Yeah. Yeah. You should read the 49. You should read the 49. You should read the 49. You should read the 49. Yeah. Total. And the guy, the guy who gives, he's like the most mild, mannered guy of all time. Robert Green. Yeah, yeah. He's just like a little, a little dork. Right. And it's like, yeah. I'm not gonna read it, but he's sitting down with Tony. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Give us a couple. Look up a couple laws of power. Let's, let's crazy hurt anyone in your path. Yeah. Oh, really? Yeah. Betray your allies. It's, it truly is every single one you'll be shocked because everyone talks about this like, this is like, this is angel people. It's meant to be like, this is what powerful people do for good or bad.

25:04Like Hitler would do like, betray your allies and stuff. But then like, people interpret it as like, yes, this is advice. Yeah. Right. Right. Yeah. Because it was, it's always recommended like the five books that changed my life. Yeah. And then I listened to a podcast dismantling it. I couldn't believe. Read some of these. I mean, yeah, give us a couple of laws of power, Mr. Sue. Number one. And if never outshine the master, make sure superiors always feel superior. And you actually, you actually need to hold onto that one. Actually, you know what? You have nothing to worry about on that one. Try your harder, outshine the master. You piece of shit. I love this. I love this. I love this. You try it something. Skip to like number 14, 15, crush your enemy totally leave no room for them to retell. I do that one all the time. I mean, leave no, I mean, this is a layer. This is like how wrestler speak. Yeah. And people think it's the whole thing is just be an authentic all day long. Like just be manipulative and yeah, life is life is a competition. Life is a zero sum game. There's no place for like coordination or community.

26:05And it's like, look, the reason these things are fucking popular now is because that's what our society is driven to. Yeah. Like they've made everything a zero sum game. It's, you know, inequality is so out of control that most people are like, but we're like rats fighting over crumbs. And look, yeah, you can buy accident, get out of it with a podcast that is a hit for some reason, you know, two podcasts that shouldn't have worked back to back. Couldn't make you rich. But other than that, you're fucked. And I guess I see it because most people's lives right now are that fucked where you're like, yeah, I guess I have to stab my enemy for office manager position. But not outshine them before I do not outshine the master. Yeah, the master must stay shining. Yeah, these people who are digesting these books are all like, okay, I'm crushed your enemy completely. It's like you're in B2B sales. Yeah. What's your end game? Yeah. Well, whatever. Who fucking? I mean, I don't have any books changed your guys' lives. I mean, like, these like sell. That's a great, that's a great question. And it's so funny that the answer is no. I know that I know book has ever left a mark on me.

27:07And I don't need to fall asleep on it. Yeah, I literally, yeah, for real. Just it just stuck about the pages of giving me a paper cut. No joke in high school every time I try to read, I would fall asleep. Yeah, it's just have I it's some kind of like, it's hypnotizing. It really is. I decide to decide actually. Oh, yeah. That is, oh, really? That's the best way to get to sleep. It's all struggle with sleeping. You close, you do it with your eyes closed. Wait, really? But you look left, right, up, down. Like you don't, anyway, each way and then you go around, then around the other way and then cross your eyes and then do it once. Do it, keep doing it after like three times. Really? You start get you, you, you can't do it again because you're like, it's so much effort. And then you are asleep so fast. I'm going to give it a little, literally, let me know. Because I have a hard time sleeping. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You close and just do that because you think this isn't going to work. And do it, keep doing it and you'll fall, you'll really will fall asleep. Okay. Do it now. Let the podcast play while you do it. Yeah. Yeah. I didn't, I hadn't read fiction in a long time. And then like last year I read The Road by Corn Mac MacArthur. Yeah.

28:07And I was like holy, I was like winded reading that book. Really? Yeah, yeah. Jesus Christ, I had to like sit with it. Yeah. So intense. I have so many books saved. That's always the one of what that's changed people's lives or the best book they've ever read. Yeah. It's a brutal book. Brutal. But like beautiful at the same time. Yeah. But do you ever read nonfiction? Like I'm not mostly nonfiction. Yeah. Okay. And then I'll pop in and read fiction. Yeah, I read a bunch of, I've been reading a bunch of fiction, but it's like, I, it's like detective novels and shit that's really good. But I really, I really do want, I wanted to do a thing where I read a book at night for just to go to bed for fun and then try to engage with harder stuff in the morning. And that lasted like one week. Yeah. I'm not fucking using my brain right now. No. Maybe when, you know, maybe like, when the special is out, watch it, please, if you watch the special enough this week, maybe I'll start reading books because I just needed to be successful. I need this special to go well. Help our illiterate boy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I can be a per, I feel like the last January to basically October, I just don't

29:08feel like I've been a human being because it's just like, if you get it, I mean, the schedule is fucking insane. And I bet you feel kind of a similar thing where it's like, well, I better fucking do it now because they don't really give you more than one shot. No, never. And, and this is going to go away so fast. So fast and you got a hold on. That's the feeling I have to. It's not even about like winning them over and making this last. This is definitely. Yeah, it's not all it will go away. And people always go, why would it go away? And like, because it's gone away for literally every single person you can name, Paul, you're still putting out albums. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But though he's the king and people bow down, no one listens to anything at all. They don't chart it all. Yeah, I mean, it's like if you're not Tom Cruise jumping and Tom Cruise has to jump off a fucking airplane. And you know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like that's how fucking crazy shit is. No, you're so fucking right. Yeah, I know, but it's like, you know, it's nice because it's like, you have a little run and then I'm excited to just like the retirement. I'm excited to be fat as shit. Like, I know I'm better than now.

30:08What you gonna do when you're not gonna retire. I mean, at some point I will. I just mean, I can't wait for the like, you know, not having to do shit, chilling. I mean, I have a very, I have like a, I have a spend four months on a beach like plan, which is the goal I want to go to Greece. I want to spend at some point I would like to spend at least three months. Like the goal would be to spend a quarter of the year in Greece here. Yeah. And it's chill out, you know, because I always feel like my happiness is tied to my, obviously myself a steam and myself a steam is only from accomplishing things. Yeah. So I would have to find something to accomplish. But don't you think while I'm vacationing? I guess that's true, because I think for me what it is is I'm saying that, but also what I'm saying is I want to accomplish like fixing my body once and for all. Yeah. And it's not just losing weight. I've gotten, I'm clearly over like the body image issues, but it's just health at this point and like my back and, and I guess part of me is like, if I took a year and like relaxed and like, and even relaxing, I think of it as like, stress is bad for you.

31:11And I need to relax to like be healthier. Yeah. And I probably, if I did that, would at some point get the itch to make stuff again? Yeah. But I mean, sometimes you think like, man, I am the happiest, even though I love stand up more than anything, I am so unhappy when I'm like work like on tour. It's so bad for you. Yeah. Like your body is so fucked up. And it is this like, it's, it feels like this like Greek tragedy thing where it's like the thing that makes me feel the most alive and accomplished and truly my, my, the North star in my life has been make one great stand up special. It's the age of 17. I was like, that's all I've ever wanted to do. And it's like, but that doing that fucking kill is literally killing me. And you know, at some point we have to figure something. Does it feel good to be done? Do you feel like you've done it? Like whether it does well or not, like you say I did close this time to something that would have, that would have made me happy. And I'm really proud of it. I think it's my best special. But there were, there are moments on it where I'm like, I fucked that up.

32:11I fucked that up. Like fuck, I forgot the best tag. Like literally there's one joke that I fully blanked on all four fucking shows. No, we did you have a bronctor? No, no, no. I was like, I just was like, because my thing was like, I'm going to fucking just, I'm going to get this dialed in so much that I don't need that. Because I wanted to feel as close to the real, yeah, do a show. And that's what we tried to do. And again, I'm really proud of it, right? But I don't think I, I want to feel like I completely fucked it. And I got really close. And compared to the second special, it's way, way better. But you know, that's fine. I'm too young to fucking be satisfied with my accomplishments. You know, give me 10 more years. And then then I will fucking, you know, tired. No, it's never good enough. Well, after you finish taping, you're probably like, that was great. And then you get in the edit and you go, fuck, or did you not feel the way I'm doing? Because I also was sick. I also, my back was fucked up. I had, I was on vocal rest for like the two days before. You were held together with spit and chicken. Like for weeks before we went on tour, one last run, it was supposed to be the like, let's

33:17just dot our eyes across our teeth, right? And I, the first day of a five city every night run, I'm sorry, four cities, five shows. I woke up in LA sicker than I've been in like, I don't know, a year, two years, lost my voice like. And so that weekend became, and it was, I was there. There was no way to cancel it. You know what I mean? We had the bus. We did, I would have lost so much money. And I was already lost money on the specials because I broke my arm. And so, and I'm like, before, the special five days before. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So anyway, so this is like a, this is two weeks before I lose my voice. I have this run. And now, am I not perfecting everything? But now I have to do the hour in a completely different way. I can't use my voice. I can't do act out like, and from the stress of it all, I fuck it. My back is really fucked up. My back got so bad I had to sit during half of the fucking show. I had to get cortisone shots the week before the special. And then I had to get, and then my voice started to go right before this, it was two weeks

34:19I was like, I'll be fine. Like Lauren Gytis. Yeah, dude. Like, can't control it. Just gone. Took steroids for the voice. They don't kick in until literally an hour before the first show. Then we fuck the first show's lighting up so bad that it was, it was like, we didn't use almost anything from that show. And I'm like, is my, am I fucking everything? Because if, if we did four of those, it would have been the kind of thing where, all right, I guess we're going to have to fake a good special in the edit. Yeah. Like, luckily we figured it out. Yeah. The last three shows were good, but still I was in such a fucked up mental state and I was so, my body was so fucked up that I feel like I performed that special at 80%. And we also had to move it from, we had to move it because I broke my arm. You know, so it was, the circumstances were so weird that I feel really proud of what we accomplished. And like, I really love the hour. And I think most of the jokes really stand on their own. But it's, I, this is me promoting my special. No, now I'm intrigued to watch.

35:20Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This is me fucking, yeah, I should have, this one should come out like after the Netflix window of tracking. No, I think this will drive people to be like, what did he fuck up? Yeah. I could have been better. It'll be like when people watch the Wizard of Oz looking for the Munchkin who's hanging himself. But anyway, anyway, who gives a fuck about my, like, I was losing my voice all the time. Because you, I can just hear when people don't speak correctly and they're not going to have a long career. Right. Like, I can pinpoint it right now. But I had vocal cord surgery. Oh my God. Yeah. Like four years ago. Oh, fuck. And it changed. It's like a facelift for your voice. Really? I'm fucking it up again because I still don't know how to talk properly. So it'll just be going back. What do you mean by that? You're just, you're straining too much. You know, you're supposed to be relaxed. You're supposed to breathe from your diaphragm. Like, there's a way to speak that will not put strain on your cord. But it's like, you have to learn it if you, you know, weren't born with it. And so I'll just keep, keep getting it done. But it was just like laser surgery. And it, anytime I see a video myself from four years ago, you can tell, you can really

36:22tell. I mean, it was a kind of voice where you're like, I don't want to hear the shrill, like the kind of woman voice. I think this is, I think this might be some internalized. No, I, you know, there's, there's sometimes like women's voices are triggering. Yeah. It just sounds like a nagging mom or just like, I want to scream at you around the house. So your first memory is your mom saying she hate me. Okay. I'm not even worried about sounding like a nagging mom. That is one of my biggest fears. I wonder if that's connected. No, you know what the next is. Your voice is like Michael Jackson's nose. Yeah. Ah, he's fast. Yeah, been like 10 years. Nicky's like this. I just have a beautiful little voice. Welcome to my ink. It was like this my first got it. My friends were like, Jesus Christ. I'm getting a spray tan on my ass. I'm still be doing that bit. And I'm making at your Vegas residency. We're just doing like the hits. The greatest bits of all your face, York is true. I can't wait to have some fun.

37:23Dude, there's going to be podcasting residences in Vegas. Oh, absolutely. You're so right. Why would I get elders get ready right now? That is amazing. Mm-hmm. Just a podcast. It's going to happen. It's going to happen. It's not going to happen yet. But it's, oh, it's happening. You know, we're old. I do. I do what was paid. Not a podcast, but I do a Caesar's Palace with spade. It's so fun. Like just once a year, you do it. We do it like five times a year. That's fun. It's so good. I would look. I didn't think I was like doing Vegas. I actually really like it. I like it too. It's kind of a place where you can do it a bunch, because people come in and out of it. Yeah. Nobody really. You don't burn at an audience. Yeah, yeah. And doing it with another headliner, where you're not carrying the whole show. That's all. And you get to be with someone who you, like, I like get done with my set and I get to watch his set. You know, like I don't always get to watch the opener set. You're getting, so it's just like, it's so much fun. Yeah. Now, speaking of Riz, that guy, notorious, got the fuck the hottest women of all time being like four, 10 and like, you know, being slight,

38:23being like a little guy. Yeah. McCulley Cawken build. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Left and right. And I respected so much. I've never met a person. We've, we've, like, message. Oh, he's the best. I've only heard he's the man. Oh, my God. You, you guys would both love him. Yeah. He's the nicest and the funniest. Fuck yeah. Just a really good person. And yeah, it has so much Riz. Yeah. Still. Has he brought any dime pieces around? He, he doesn't like to around me because I think he's a little embarrassed because some of them are like younger. And I don't have a grudge him. Like, I get it. I'm never like, what's wrong? Why are you, they're hot. If you bring it, why not? There is some kind of. When it gets really young, it's gross. But he's not like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. If you're, I mean, look, if you're, like, they're going to be younger than you, but how much younger is the real, the real answer, the real question. But yeah, that's, that is very funny. I just interesting though that it's like, you're worried about your voice and the mom's stuff. And you've talked a lot about like, like, I get comparing yourself to your sister and stuff.

39:23Yeah. Is that a lot? I mean, it seems like, is that the accomplishment thing where you like, well, no one's going to like me for me. So I better accomplish stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I think it's, yeah, of liking, I wasn't like, I wasn't good at it. I didn't do anything. My whole life. Never. You know, I was like fine. No, I was okay. It's just, but never exception. Right down the middle. I think I always just kind of judged my worthiness of being, you need to be special, exceptional. Yeah. And I was always just like, okay, at everything. Right. You were knocking on the door. You're just like outside looking in of like the, yeah, I was never in the gifted classes, but I made good grades, but I had to like kind of work for them. And I, you know, did theater, but never got like the starring role. Yeah. It was always like, Jewish Townsperson B. Right. You don't want one, you don't want a number or a letter. No. At the end of your role, you're seeing your year. Yeah. Townsperson. Yeah. So it's just like what the fuck like, and yeah, I just not feeling never got like compliments on like, oh my gosh, he's such a cute little girl. Like nothing like that. Where he's just like, and I just have the disposition of someone who wants attention.

40:27Right. I always have. I don't know where that came from, but I just didn't get it. I mean, maybe yeah, not ever getting it from the start. And it seemed like just from the little, just from the like, you know, just from being friends or whatever and even like your act, it just seems like your sister was getting it just without trying. Yes. And she didn't like, rub it in my face. Yeah. She doesn't even. That's the funniest part of your whole or sorry, you don't have a villain. No. It's just that she's so nice, so supportive. I could never be her to me. I could never be so long to be on the edge. But she's so cool about it. You know, your so much makes more interesting music. I mean, yeah, I love that out. The album she put out a few years ago was awesome. Love her elevator work. Yes. That is cool too. But you did, did you feel less than growing up? I mean, obviously, obviously. I mean, like, I was confident. I think she was a comedian. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, actually, I think like, I think it was probably, I just really liked attention from, and I got like, yeah.

41:28I think it's the opposite where my parents, it took them so long to have kids. I'm like one of the first batch of in vitro babies. Oh. And so like, it took them forever. I was the first born. And I was also like a very prickly, like talk. I've always been a person who runs his mouth from the time it was like, I could, I was talking it like, I was saying my first words like nine months old. Like I was a kid who was like, could speak before he could like walk, you know? And so, and they was like, and so, you know, what, like they just, I was small, like, they thought it was smart. They were, these kids are fucking genius. And in reality, I was just like earlier on stuff. Like, that's so much of people who think, oh my god, those kids that are totally, phenoms, and then they level out with everyone. Exactly. Because sometimes it's just statistics. Some people are going to hit a growth spurt earlier, whatever. And I was definitely one of those kids. But I feel like the damage was done by like getting, I got so much attention. And I was also like, I kind of was funny from a young, from a young age where it was like just a kid having like, you know, a kid having like real, my mom keeps talking,

42:30always talks about, I mean, I, one time I asked like, I asked my mom, what is gaming? And she was like, oh, it means happy. And then I was like, oh, really? I thought it meant, and I said the slur for gay and Greek. And I was like, because I just, because I just put it together. It was a different time. It was 1990. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. That goes to show you like, well, how my family talk, my, my Greek family talked around me. Yeah. But, and I would say shit like that. You were figuring things out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was saying, yeah. And then everyone would laugh. I mean, a baby saying a slur is fun. It's really fun. It's not good. And then, you know, but, but it's funny. And so it's like, I was just, I was just like that. And I think even, and I got kind of good grades. And I didn't care. I didn't give a fuck about learning. But once I got that attention for being a good student. Like until I found making people laugh, I really was a good student only because I liked attention. Yes. And so I don't know. I really don't know. And then it became, and then it kind of cruised right into how to overcome being a fat

43:32loser. You know what I mean? Like being a fat white virgin in Baltimore city public schools. Yeah, God. I know how to roast people. Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Like, you gotta be able to survive. So, I don't even know. And, but my mom did find. It's insane. I have it in my Baltimore house. She found a like comic I drew. Like, and it was, the story was aliens invaded earth. And I saved them by being funny. It was like I, I, I, I didn't even know I wanted to stand up that young, but I like clearly liked comedy in a way that I didn't even realize. And so I don't know. I just think like I just, it's so fucking corny, but I really like my number one identity is comedian. Like that's what make once I started doing that my whole life snapped into focus. And I don't even fucking know where it came from, you know, and it is funny because now going around the couch like McDade, I don't even, you don't even still seem like you don't like attention. You know what I mean? It's like you must though.

44:33Yeah, there's gotta be part of me that definitely does. Yeah, I think there was always part like I kind of had a bit of where you had where I was like close to being really good at stuff, but not quite. I was like almost a really good student, not quite. It was almost a good athlete, but like was on the bench on varsity. Even being six, seven bench stuff. Yeah. If you have the longest shins on the bench and you're just sitting there at the end, just knowing you can dunk and you're still not getting in. You can dunk and you're not playing high school ball. Fucking crazy. That'll make you a comedian. My coach sat me the entire game senior night. Oh, senior night. Had my name up on the wall. He forgot. Yeah, you really do blend this. Straight up, you straight up goofed and I was like, that's insane. So they had to be part of me. Yeah, you are quiet. You can't blend in. I think that's probably an adaptation of how much you stand out. You probably. I never had the option to blend in where it was like, okay, now you have to address this. But you're probably a little bit more shy and quiet because you were already standing

45:36out. I'm a born introvert. I was always a shy kid and then like any kind of social skills I've developed have been like developed through brute force and trying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is me being as extroverted as I can. That's right, right. Coaching like they do on love on the spectrum. Yes, exactly. I know I get that. Beautiful, beautiful. I've been training eye context and straight, grade one. Yeah. But I was like jokes. I wasn't funny. I wasn't funny until like late high school. But I always like was weirdly into comedy. I remember I moved away in second grade and like my classmates like my mom had them like make me a little book of things like take with me. I was like a going away gift and people like quoted jokes that I had stolen from whatever joke course. Yeah. One of the best things I loved any time there was like a field trip coming up or something where it was like you were hanging out with a bunch of kids. I would literally go to like jokes.com and like craft a set. Oh my God. So the bus ride is going to be about two hours and 12 minutes. That'll give me some time to get into this book of Pollock. Yeah, yeah. No, it was literally that level of humor.

46:37It was like, you know, like beastieality jokes. It was just like dumb street jokes. But I would get enough to just be like, you know, and I would fuck with people also in conversation. But I just, I mean, I'm saying all this. And at the time I didn't even consider that that I was clearly me wanting to do stand there. Yeah. Because I was like, you know, and like, I didn't think about it either. I just wanted to be on TV. Yeah, yeah. I thought the only way to do that is to act. Yeah. Or to be a singer or a dancer. And then it's like that. And then first you would see like an option to be a comedian. Totally. As a woman, I think it's there's even less so you just don't see it that much. But I did see it here and there. But it just never until someone told me I should do it. It didn't even, and then as soon as they did, I was like, oh, like looked into it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It made total sense. But I love jokes too. Like I was just been rewatching friends. And I realized how influential that show was on me. Like I remember the first time I heard one of my favorite jokes on friends was, you know, Fat Monica is on TV and they're watching an old, you know, video. Yeah, yeah. And they're like, whoa, Monica.

47:38And she goes, oh, the camera adds 10 pounds. And then Chandler goes, how many cameras were on you? I remember that at the time. It was a great joke. Yeah. And I remember that at the time it was like breaking my brain. I'm like, that is such a, like I couldn't, I had to rewatch it. Like how did it? And I look back and I was, I was piecing together how to write jokes. I love jokes. And then I got like the Conan O'Brien in the year 2000 book. And I have that, I have like my copy from high school. It's all tattered. I was circling the best jokes and like studying how a joke works. Because you were making selects even then. Yes, yes, totally. I was, you know, you have to learn comedy. I forget that it's not just an innate. Sure. It feels innate, I think to us, if you're interested in it already. But I watched shows with some people and they'll be a laugh track. My assistant who I watch a lot of TV with, I'll just pause and go, why was that funny? Just like, I don't know. And I go, why? What did you want to know? What were you missing? That a full audience? Totally. But some people are just like, no, I just, I don't really mean to know. Yeah, they don't give a fuck at all. I don't care. If I don't know something, I'm really embarrassed and need to research. Was there a thing you were, you tried over there attempts to get attention before?

48:42Yeah, I mean, like, the acting and singing, I was like in the choir. And it was, I really wanted to, I think I really could have been a singer because it was just, I, and I have the base for it. But I just wasn't trained properly. And I never got a chance to because my, my voice teacher in high school told my mom, she doesn't have it. And this is a way to remember. And so, a woman who's being paid to train you. $1 an hour. Like, it wasn't nothing in 1999. You have a good voice. It's like, she's not that horrible. It's insane. The thing is, it's not, I don't have a naturally great voice. Some people just come out, I'm sure. Great. But that is rare. Like talking about a book that like actually, you were kind of talking about like, oh, hard work leads to perfection. Yeah, yeah. But you kind of with something like singing or dancing or something, or acting, sometimes there are people that are just born great. Sure, of course. But then you, if you work hard enough, there's this book called The Talent Code that kind of like, change the way I look at things. Like, if you work harder than everyone else, you can be better than the person who's a

49:42natural. Yeah, and you just. I just never thought that. I just never thought that. I never thought that. I never thought that. That, that allegory never dawned on me. To me growing up, it was either you had it or you didn't. Can I be honest? That, when I read that book, I read it. I got away thinking like the, the hair is fucking awesome. Yeah. I was like, I literally as a kid, I was like, he's fucking with him. And in my head, I was like, who cares that he won? The hair was better. Yeah. Like, literally as a little kid, I was and that is. I think I felt the same way. Yeah. I was like, he's fucking cool. He's fast. I don't want to be a fucking bitch ass turtle. Yeah. The next time he's going to try and he's going to smoke him. Yeah. That was like, when I was a kid, that is what I thought of that, of that story. I think you're right. That one doesn't really hit the way. Yeah, the hair wins the next 75 races. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How does the turtle win again? He just keeps going. The hair is smoking him and he stops and like, you know, it's one of those things. So he wins by default because the hair has ABD. Basically, yes. Yeah. Yeah. The hair was taunting. The hair was like, you know, the hair is celebrating before you got the touchdown. It's just that kind of like, don't be a show boat.

50:44Like put your head down in hard work. Kind of thing. Never outshine. But I mean, I got to be honest. You can, you had the idea. You made a big mistake outshining the man. I'm on board. Yeah. I mean, at the same time, though, you know, it ain't going to happen a lot of the time. You can work hard as fuck and it's like the thing with talent. Yeah. I thought it was like, it's like gold in your property, but you do have to dig to find it. Yeah, that's true. And some people have to dig harder than others and some people never find it. I could have had a, like I might not have been, I'm definitely not beyond say levels, but I could have had, I would have been able to work at a kit in a way. And Vegas. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like honestly, like I could have had over what there's a, not that I'm like, like, would you want to do that? Yes. I mean, that's like, I would love to be a musician. I think it's so much cooler. It's not even fucking cool. Going to fucking Noah Conn's concert. Yeah. Kind of, I was standing on the floor when he was kind of positioned this way. So behind him and watching those, you know, 70,000 people just how wrapped they all are, nothing we will ever do will make people feel the way that music does.

51:46And it's really sad. And it translates in an awesome way. Like you go overseas, you can just play the whole world as a musician. I know. And it's like so fundamental. And R.S. It is just like we're exploiting little quirks that are very specific to our culture. Yes. Don't fucking travel. In fact, the only comedy that is universal is like the way in the rather. That's for being. It's literally you throw on white chicks. Everyone's having a good. You don't even have to speak English to like white chicks. Yeah, honestly, we just, we actually something really funny. The way we even watched it, remember, Elvis? It was like, I haven't seen it. It's awesome. That's it. It's really good. I'm curious. I was on Netflix and they had a we had a we're going through the categories and they're like millennial classics. I'm like, look at this bullshit. They're like trying to bait us. Like, yeah, millennials are just because you're in a generation. I mean, we all like the movies and every single one. Yeah. Bangers. And I was like, fuck, these are fucking awesome. And then we just ended up watching white chicks. Yeah. And so good. It's literally like, it is like, it is closer to clowning and to like these like classic

52:52types of theater. The Wands Brothers really are insane performers and they're so fucking good. And truly, yes, is it high level humor? No. Right? It's the writing is not no one's writing it. No one's winning an Oscar for writing, right? Right. But performance and also at the end of the day, you could argue what they're doing is more value. And like, it's like, oh, I, well, look at the structure on my joke. Who gives a fuck, dude? Can you make anybody laugh? I can't. I really can. You know, can the fucking Wands Brothers, you know? And so it's like, that's the thing. It's like, even the thing we have dedicated our lives to is like a subsection of entertainment and truly the basement of show business until recently when I don't know what the fuck happened. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like this has become most crazy. You know what I mean? Like, truly, you like hosting award shows used to be the absolute pinnacle that a stand-up pop. No. You know, the best gig that stand-up, that's what you're training for or hosting a late

53:54night. Everybody wanted to host a show, right? And that was what you did stand up for. And now we don't even give a fuck. Now we're just like, we're doing it for the art form. It's like, who fucking gives a fuck? More the sitcom. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. I would love to be the fat, doofus neighbor on a sitcom, but aren't you? I guess I am. Wait. Holy fuck, I really, I forgot that I am. The fat, doofus, I cannot say that. You're living your dream. Holy fuck. Oh, no. That's how ungrateful I am for my life. I was like, oh, yeah. I am that. I am literally the thing I used to, that's where I started out. I get mad. That's how much not getting something fuels me when I literally have it. You still have the chip on my shoulder. Why aren't I doing the thing I literally am doing? I guess I'm, yeah, anyway, that's so fucking funny. Tires is also out right now. Tires out, Uncle Stop is out.

54:55Tony is out in theaters. Uncle Stop is the name of the. Uncle Stop is the Spendful. And when Tony is coming out? Tony is out in New York right now. It opens wide next week. Oh, shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's good too. Of course. That's been, we've heard. Dom is awesome. Dom's unbelievable. Antonio Banderas. I mean, the whole thing is fucking. I hear Reese Grover steals it. Yeah. Yeah. Reese Grover. Flip. This is our friend Reese, who had a one line in the movie. And he stayed the whole filming. He's best friends with Dom. He's the man. He's so cool. That's so fun. Actually, fuck, I owe him $100. For what? He picked up my car and drove it to Newark for me. And I had to go to, I had to go to, as soon as I got back from the tires for me, I had to drive to our sound mixers house and do, and do the mix because we have to turn, we had to turn the special in so fast, because I broke, breaking my arm, but still wanting to put it out. Oh, yeah. The turnaround on the special is really quick. It's fucking insane. We should do like a photo shoot and everything for it and the billboards and stuff.

55:56Yeah, we were doing all that, I mean, we're doing all that concurrently, like everything's happening at the same time. Literally, we had my guest room, because we shot it in Baltimore with the ice, so we had a place there, and my guest room, we just put fucking folding tables out, and we had like a fucking, we had like, you know, literally editors pulling day and night shifts. Like we were editing between shows. It was fucking crazy. It was actually the most insane thing I've done, but also I kind of liked it. It was fun to stay in it. It would be nice to have two more weeks, sure, but like still, I really did, there's something fun about doing it immediately, because it feels like an extension of the show as opposed to two months later you've kind of forgotten. And you've been doing that material and now it's better. You've heard it. Oh, true, I hate that too. That's brutal. That's kind of why that happened to me on the last one where I was like, fuck this special socks dick. I fixed all the problems when I stopped thinking about it. I was like, you know what, I don't really like that joke. I'm just going to do it. And within three months, it was so good.

56:56But some of that material ended up on this special, whatever. But still, yeah, you're so right. I didn't even think about that angle. This stops you from like really got to get away in there. Yeah, yeah, fuck. I did it out of necessity, but you know, what are you going to do? We do need to take some calls, but I do, Nicky, there's one thing I do want to ask you about. How did you find out your dad has a huge hog? Oh, God. Because that is somehow common knowledge. So haunting. To know that. Because I just saw like you mentioned it all, Fand and I was like, why? And you know what? Look at your dad. I'm like, yep. I just do. First of all, I just assume he does a tall guy. Tall guy big at it. And he's just like, I don't know. I just, I don't know if I've ever, I think a friend saw it one time, but I don't even think she reported about it, but I've never seen it. Sure. You've heard rumor. I have. I mean, no sure sign. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I heard about it. Like, that's what it was. No, I did. I had a talk show on Comedy Central, you know, a decade ago.

57:57Yes, yes. And we ran out of ideas and it was just like getting the point. One time my writers were like, what if we put your parents on a lie detector and we asked them about their sex life? And you know, the pitch sounds hilarious. Who are you? Let's do it. Of course. And then you sit down and have to ask your mom. She's never done anal. Yeah, that's the funny part of that, right? It is, you're right, you're right. You're right. And it was truly hell. It was so uncomfortable. I had to ask them if they'd ever heard me have sex. Oh, no. And my dad said, yes. Oh, no. It's like, God, it was fucked up. It was, honestly, I don't even like to talk. Oh, I'm sorry. No, no. And then one of them was like asking my mom if my dad had a big dick. I mean, these were all questions that I had written and helped, you know, facilitate. Because in the moment, you're just like, this is crazy. You don't think you ever have to do, you don't think about doing it. I don't really, I sign up for shit all the time that I don't think about how it's going to feel. And I think that's a part of the reason I'm successful is I don't think about things before. I just hurl myself into them. 100%. But, um, oh my God, we did a thing on that show that I'm still so disturbed by.

59:02We were like, you know, a second season, it was a show about sex and dating, but you really run out of stuff to do. Sure. We were going to help guys redo their dick picks. Cause it's always just like this sad kind of photo in a bad lighting in your bathroom with a dirty back mat. You're fucking that's so fun. That's a great concept. And so we like built these dioramas where the your sick, your penis through the hole. And then your dick would be like in a Parisian landscape with like the Eiffel Tower and your dick is riding a bike with a bag at it and you're dick. It has a little brain. There was one there was like a spa where your dick was like in a bathtub with bubbles and there's like cucumber eyes and a little fucking shower cap. And so we build these things. Yeah. No one department does an amazing job. We cast and we cast it. And the only people we can get to ever be on camera with it. We'll blur the text. Like are just porn, just dirty porn guys, homeless guys. We go and Craigslist to get out. Not an 18. And the night before we're doing like a rehearsal of how's tomorrow going to work?

1:00:03We got the photographer. We have this amazing studio. And I remember dancing, Jermaine, one of the writers was sitting there and we're like, Dan, you be the guy and we'll just like show how this would work. He has pants on. So the art department brings in the model and puts it on his lap and we see how it would go. And then we realize he can't dress his penis with his arms. Someone has to do it. And I look at the art department, they're just like backing out like Homer Simpson and the fucking blood. And they go, it has to be you. And so I had to handle this. He says all day long, like a nine hour shoot. And I had gloves on, but I had to pick up their limpedic, put little glasses on them, draw a little mustache. It's fucking insane. It has to be you. It could hire someone. It just, it was funnier. Yeah, it is funnier. And I was kind of the, I was playing like the director of the shoot. Like I have this idea. And so it was like, it's funny, but you're giving the dicks their motives. A lot of stuff for a scene. It was so vulnerable. It'd be funnier. Like if somebody slipped on a banana peel and cracked their head open and died.

1:01:05Yeah. Doesn't mean you're going to have to do it. You know, like, you know, like, you guys would just make eye contact with me while I do it. They were speaking out. I mean, they were just like fluffing next to the craft service table. It was a disgusting. Oh my god. And it was barely a good sketch. Yeah. No one talks about it. Yes. No longevity. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, just a footprint in my psyche. Yeah. I truly was so disturbed. You had to do like clinical sex work. No one was that we were so jazzed about this idea because it was so out there. It's funny. It's crazy. And there was so much energy around it. And then we got there and we were all just like thousand yard stare afterwards. It was terrible. Yeah, of course. By the way, build a smaller diorama. If only we have thought of that. If the fucking arms can go around, what if it was a little square? Put a parade on my dick. I'll do it. And I just was like, I'm a doctor. I just had to think I'm this. How many guys are we talking? It was like probably six. It's on.

1:02:06It's on. It's on you. Oh fuck. I'm not. Honestly, I'm going to watch both of these. I'm going to watch the live detector. Oh yeah, the live detector thing was awful. And my parents and I don't talk about it. My dad sometimes, you know, they were calling him horse cock laser. Sometimes the fans meet him and he's still there. Horse cock. He's so embarrassed by it. Really? It was like, it's not that big. This live detector guy was the guy that everyone hires. He shows. And he's bullshit. It's he'll just give you what's the funniest answer. We didn't know that at the time. But my dad, so my dad said, I don't have a big penis. And they're like, that's a lie. And so it was like, my dad, it felt like it made my dad really uncomfortable. Not someone that wants to brag about that. He was not proud of it. I would be so old. So what you did was. I know I would too. Even my dick was small and be like, yep. Yeah. I think huge. What Nikki did was she put a really big hat on it. And it was the next guy. He was the ninth guy. Yeah. Yeah. What? If we would have got a season three, 100% would have been happening. Oh my god.

1:03:06Wow. Well, they say television's dead. Oh my god. I think I killed it. Whatever. That was the last show on Comedy Sunday. Yeah. Yeah. That's all right. We're going on the opera. I think that was the episode where they were like, it's too dirty. Like, they can't continue doing this. Yeah. That's so funny. Yeah. The comes as it was sort of coming. Anyway, we'll talk about this. Nobody gives it up. Yeah, there's still a round I think. They're doing so. They're mounting some kind of comeback. And I would love, I would actually love the more places for stand up the better I would say. Yes. Competition's good. I love the free market. I just don't like crony capitalism. Especially when it comes to more places to put a special on. So you could make them bid against each other. Yeah. Anyway, that's beautiful. Well, you know, congrats to your dad who has probably just a slightly above average penis. Yeah. And that's still great. Yeah. Yeah. Based on my pussy size, I had the same lower extremities. Like, we have the same legs, same feet. Some like, it's probably a hog.

1:04:08Yeah. It's meaty. No matter what. I know his balls are long. I'll just say that. All right, Eldie, why don't we play some fun? Why don't we hit the Stavis Road hotline sponsored by visible and take some fucking calls, Eldie's hit us, baby. One second, you're enjoying your day off. The next, your phone buzzes. A window's been broken at your home. Your miles away. In one second, everything can change. That's why ADT security systems can monitor your home 24-7. They're backed by the most company operated monitoring centers in the industry. So you're always supported during an emergency. Every second counts count on ADT. Visit ADT.com to learn more. Labor Day weekend means extra time to relax. And with Ashley's annual Labor Day sale, you can get cozy in your dream home setup. Starting August 4th through September 14th, save up to 60% off deals, site-wide, and

1:05:08in store. Hot buys start at $4.99 with a free upgrade on select adjustable mattress bases. Ashley is making your Labor Day dreams come true. Shop the Labor Day sale at Ashley.com, going on now through September 14th. Hi, I've been with my husband. We've been married for a year now. And strangely, he has never actually told me he loves me. He says that he has some trauma in his past. He has prevented him from feeling comfortable with that. However, he did ask for us to get married. He married me all of the things we lived together. How do you live? Hey, are you free to like six months? You want to like fucking get married in a room? Can you strike some stuff from the vows to remove the stuff about love? He just doesn't really show a whole lot of like romantic like sweetness.

1:06:13His form of being romantic or sweet with me or instead of giving me compliments. It's kind of just within his dick out over his basketball shorts, when it just hang out and then chase me around the house. This is real. This is real. This is real. Yeah. You've been in the situation like this? Where it's like everything's a joke. Any kind of vibe. Like any... Oh, I see. They're trying to get a pension or have sex. There's no touching. It's like, look at my dick and then it has to be a bit. The dick is a problem. Yeah. And do you think it's like being so uncomfortable with sincere romance? Yeah. And that guy's never been told his parents tell him he loved him. Right. Or that they loved him. And so he's... But you have to get out of this. That's crazy. Because some women don't... Sorry. Yeah. You don't know. Yes. That's crazy. Maybe she's already loved him. Yeah. And then this call, hopefully. You chased me around the house saying nightmare, nightmare, nightmare. Nightmare. And you chased me around the house.

1:07:13So, I mean, it'd be nice to be told that I'm cute or I look pretty today or whatever. But instead I get, well, that... Yeah, that's not good. Thought? Thought? That's what you said? Yeah. That's what I end that call. Thoughts follow up? Yes. I mean, listen, that's fucking insane. It's also like you did marry him. Like this is... Yeah, because she probably doesn't feel enough. She's probably... It sounds like some low self-esteem. It does. It sounds like she's now learning probably from just seeing reels of other women that are telling you about what kind of relationship to get out of. You're right. She probably deserves more. Right. There's like a whole sub-sector of Instagram that has been served to me at times in my life. You deserve more. Yeah, it's out there. Our phones are listening to us and they just heard you crying. Oh my God. They know. They know. But you do deserve better. And I know that there are some women that don't need to hear I love you and don't need to

1:08:14hear you're pretty. Sure. And he could be with one of those girls. And it doesn't... He'd probably say back to you, you know, of course I wouldn't be with you if I didn't love you. I wouldn't be with you if I didn't think you were hot. Right. And I think a lot of times women think that the guy is just rolling their eyes like you're being so needy. Why do you need to hear you're beautiful? Like, can't you have confidence? It's like you're allowed to want to have things said to you. You're allowed to want to hear you're pretty. That's okay. Even if he has to lie to you about it, you're allowed to want him to lie to you. Oh, I'm so sorry. And not too much to ask at all. So don't... You know, I think definitely confront him about this and be like this is a non-negotiable for me. Yeah. But you don't want to be with this guy the rest of your life feeling like this guy, I never got affection. I never got him to touch my arm or be like, like, like, and you see other couples do that. When we're in public, he puts his hair as AirPods in and walks a little in front of me. Oh, yeah, that helps my divorce shit. Yeah, this girl, I feel for you. I think it's, but you definitely deserve more and there's someone that will shower you

1:09:16with that stuff. And I just, I've gone through it before and been with people that don't give me the affection that I desire. And I think, oh, I don't have to, I can be like a cool girl that like, we don't need to do that. Like, we're buddy. Right. And we can joke about sex and that's so much better than snuggling. Right, right, right. And you can convince yourself that this is what you deserve or that you have this kind of relationship, but it sounds like you want something more. She shouldn't underestimate the stupidity of guys. Like, sometimes we really do need to just be told. Yeah. Like, a lot of things that we think are implied. Like, oh, it's implied that I think she's beautiful and I love her and stuff. It's like, they do need the words. You gotta totally say the words. And if you can't say it, just say, then yes, you can talk. Just lie. Just say it. The only thing of like, I can't say it. You can fake it till you make it now that you've been married for a year. And you deserve that. It's not, it's not, it is not asking too much at all. No, certainly not. I mean, my worry though is that with these types of problems, the time to address it is as soon as possible. Right. And the only problem I could foresee here is that like, you know, how long since they were dating elders before they got married, they were married for a year.

1:10:18They're been here. But how long were they dating before that? That's my question. She didn't say. Yeah. My hunch is this woman has some self esteem issues. Like, what did you get out of this? Is a big question I have and look, maybe her dating life wasn't great. Maybe at the time, this is the first person to show even a little affection towards her. And so that was almost novel. And you just kind of let it slide hoping, oh, as we fall in love, he'll get more lovey dub, you whatever. Like, I kind of wonder, how did he even propose? Did he, did he lift his dick? And the ring was between his dick and his nuts. Like, what happened here? And so, like, yes, I think what Nicky said is a hundred percent correct. You can absolutely talk to him about it. I would foresee that like, well, wasn't this, this wasn't a problem. This has never been a problem. There's always how I've been. That is going to be his argument. You can just be like, you can just say, sorry, I got a devastating text that we tried to rent a place for the nude calendar and they have a strict no-no-duty policy.

1:11:19What's a fault at this studio? Yes, strict. I guess because they do kind of look like porn sets. And I'm sure people try to do porn. It's the cars for kids. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I'm not making any more. One of that white things. So anyway, we're fucked. Sorry, guys. The calendar, the 20th way, 7th calendar is coming, but a cool, completely pink, fuzzy, room. I know a studio that will have you with a dick out anytime. Yeah, I have a perfect style. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. You got those dioramas. Oh, no. Anyway, so I would just say, like, look, you're like, hey, look, this is just something I've learned over time I need. Maybe I thought it was going to get better. Maybe I didn't just, again, just sort of, I'm just anticipating me. Yeah, I like that you're saying what he's going to say because you're right. But yeah, I would just say, I thought I thought I thought it was fine at the time. I've changed my mind. Totally. And that's completely fine. I'm hearing from the voice of our friend here is that standing up for yourself is not something you're used to doing, especially you're probably really scared of losing.

1:12:21If you married somebody, it doesn't tell you I love you. You're probably scared of losing him. Yeah. And so you need that you do need a little, I would say, absolutely talk to him about it. But also you need to find the root of these issues, which is your self esteem. Why is that, why did you allow something that was not acceptable to go on for so long? And just, you know, is that there, I would say therapy seems like, EMDR, get to this trauma, get rid of it. Yeah, that's exactly that. Get the, do the tense stuff. Yes. That's like that. I do it on Zoom where they tap you tap in the eyes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's just way faster than other therapy. What's it called? EMDR. What is it stand for? Because I have a friend who did it, but I forgot about it. Is that it? I move, like, activates the nervous system the way the access is trauma. It's crazy. Like you just go in, because I would go to therapy all the time and you just talk the whole hour and I would just do like a podcast. Right. You can just, it can certainly be nothing. I, my advice always is like, go when you have a specific thing you want to go on. Like, because when I went early on, it was specific about my relationship with my family and guilt about,

1:13:23truly the first time I did a stand or went to therapy was because I felt guilt about betraying the immigrant, the immigrant son thing. And it took me like a year of like being like, my bad, like, don't I have to my parents. What, what are you betraying? Because, you know, I, again, I didn't go into this thinking this would happen. The betrayal was basically like, they, because I had good grades, I was just, you know, I went to college on scholarship and they were looking towards me to like get a real job. I helped the family out, like sort of pay back the immigrant thing, which, you know, I'm totally happy to do now. Sure. But at the time it felt like, well, instead of doing the thing, the correct thing, I'm going to do the selfish thing. Yeah. You do something artistic, right? So that was the first time I went and then later on I had real people pleasing and self-esteem issues and I went for those. And later on it was to help my relationship with my brothers and like, you know, there are times where I just don't go to therapy at all. Or I go, I go, maybe a couple months, every, once every couple of months just to kind of check in. And now, and I, based guys stopped because I was so busy, but boy, do I need the pop-in after this, right?

1:14:24Yeah. But my advice with talk therapy is go when you have something to work on. Yes. Don't just go to case by case. I really think that you know, and our friend here sounds like she has some self-esteem issues to work on, but I'm not, I don't know. What did you look up with EMDR stands for? I moved into these sensitization and reprocessing. Yeah. So you just like bring in your, like so I did it because I was trying to work on my people pleasing and my lack of self-esteem. And it's like, I don't really have any trauma in my life where I'm like, I was molested. Right. I was raped. Like, I don't have any like concrete. Like, the big ones. And so I just like brought in a story of like one time I got like that, it just stands out of when did you start feeling like you were last. My mom said she hated me. Yeah. Like that one. That one just hits so good. I don't want to recover from that. That's why you're a masochist. The state is saying, yeah, what it was. Yeah, but I just bought in this like nothing story of like getting a doll that the hair was bent on it. I'm like, I don't like, I never, I never get nice things.

1:15:24And like, I just brought in the story thinking like, I don't even think about this story, but it's kind of when she said what's a, what's a young moment where you felt less than. And just tapping shoulders and like talk and then thinking about it and waiting sobbing. And I'm not someone who cries. Right. I never cry. It all brings it up and you go back in time and reparent yourself. And you feel the synapses that fired off then so you literally don't have it anymore. Wow. That's it. It really works and it works quickly. Like people, I mean, I didn't keep doing it because it was so exhausting to go into when I was trying to prepare for my special dos. Of course. And then you're going in because you have to like, you're kind of out of it afterwards. But I would recommend that for this girl. Start doing that and then get out. Because you need to develop yourself worth because you're never going to be able to get out until you actually feel like you deserve that. And who knows if you can, and like we said, let's give this guy some credit. He might just be a guy who like JP said sometimes you just need to hear it. Right. You might be fucking stupid and you might, and with a little self esteem, you might be able to have a real conversation with him. And then he's like, oh, my bad. I don't, and look, he, this guy, I mean, autistic gets thrown around way too much.

1:16:27Right. And like, and the pulling your dick out and chasing kind of puts me off the autism. Right. I know what he's special in truth. Yeah, yeah. But, but like not being in touch with being a guy who's just like not in touch with these things. Like he might, like I literally go, like I did, I remember there's a story, like a, I have some radio story that I saw that I heard. And the woman was just like, I, she was married to an autistic guy. And she was like, hey, it would just make me feel better if you asked about how my day was and told me you loved me. And he was like, okay, you know what I mean? Yes. And he just did it. And truly, it didn't come from him. And she was like, you know what? It's enough. Yeah. I do love him. Even if it's, even if like he doesn't, he's not meaning it in the way that I, that I would mean it when I ask somebody. Yes. He's still in his way. He is making his effort. And that's what people think that when you tell your partner to do something and they go, so what, but I, when I say you're, you're just going to know I just said it because you told me to and that it's not going to land.

1:17:27I, it's a lot of times it still does. Totally. It's a clarify thing. Yeah. It's literally the thought that counts. Yes. It's like, yes, you actually changed your behavior for me. Yeah. Even if you did it for different reasons that I would have done it, I appreciate you doing that. It's not really, oh, you care about my day. It's that you thought to ask that. You know, it matters to me that you ask. Yeah. Even if you're fucking thinking about, you know, playing fucking, playing Roblox or whatever the fuck. Yeah. I think a lot of times you're zoning out. Guys get scolded about something like you never tell me I'm pretty and it's like, well, no, I'm not going to do it because you're going to think I'm, like, still do it. I promise you it. They, they just want you to say it. It's an open book test. Yeah. They get like just like it's like, that's what it is. It's like, oh, you want to stuff. I'm giving you the answers. Just fucking do it. Yeah. If you couch it and like, yeah, I know you care or whatever. I just need to hear this. Right. Yes. Yes. I've had girls in the past be like, uh, yeah, I need better communication. And I'm just like, what? I texted you every time I wanted to hang out.

1:18:27Yeah. Every time I did go hard, I texted you. Every time the girl I actually liked didn't hit me up. I texted you. That's pretty clear. What's wrong? That's called, they literally call it communication. What am I paying 18 and P4? But we are, we are kind of stupid. We do need to be told. Absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah. So good luck, buddy. What else we got, Eld? The most memorable gifts aren't found. They're made. Zazzle is a custom marketplace where you pick any product. A mug, a card, a tote, a phone case, and make it personal. A photo, a name, an inside joke. The kind of gift that actually fits the person. That's what 30 million customers have been coming back to Zazzle for over 20 years. To find. Right now, save 25% on your first order at Zazzle.com. That's Zazzle.com. Make it Z Amazing. Labor Day weekend means extra time to relax. And with Ashley's annual Labor Day sale, you can get cozy in your dream home setup.

1:19:27Starting August 4th through September 14th, save up to 60% off deals, site wide, and in store. Hot buys started 499 with a free upgrade on select adjustable tables. Ashley is making your Labor Day dreams come true. Shop the Labor Day sale at Ashley.com, going on now through September 14th. Hey, Scott, Elvis, you guys, thank you for taking my call. So I'm a male in my 30s, happily married, had a son. And I'm going on a bachelor party at a close friend in a few months. Can you face that, you're a party lots of about 20 guys there. You can either participate in a world of these strippers there. The one on end is. I've never experienced being around strippers or bendwits or clubs. It's not something that I show. I totally, but it's just some. It's scared you'll see titties. I never interest me and I've never really had the opportunity to partake in.

1:20:30The one thing I do know is that my wife is not fond of that idea of strippers in general. And so I've been thinking about when I'm there, how do I respond if there happens to be strippers or folks want to go to the strip club. On one hand, I don't want to make a big deal about it. I don't feel like being there and happy to just excuse myself and not say anything, but I also don't want to try and do that in a indirect way. And make a scene out of any of it and dance for the party. I really want folks to stop my party or my television. I really want the green to be able to celebrate in the way that you want. But also really conflicted about being a part of something that. I really don't want to partake in something that I know that my wife has strong opinions on as well. That's that's that's pretty much the question.

1:21:32Yeah, you need to leave her wife. She sounds like a kid. It is a matter. At least you're consistent across sexes. But I tell this to young men all the time, strippers are more afraid of you than you are of them. I would like to hear what you guys think about how to. I've had this before. Oh, you've you've had this before. And I have I have thoughts, but go ahead several years ago. I was like, I wasn't in a relationship, but I was like, I think I had a girl that I was like interested in and going for. I was on a bachelor weekend and my friends all wanted to go to strip club. I thought about I was like, you know what? I was going to sit this one out. And I went and did my own thing for like a couple of months. Because you dated this girl. Because the girl or you already uncomfortable. That must have been it. I don't know. Have you been at the strip club for a long, long time ago? Yeah, but it's not something that you're like, you think about going. I wasn't like to go to one. I'm good. Yeah. Interesting. You're a strip club guy. I am not like, honestly, this vibe is Portland strip club.

1:22:32It should be. I will say yes. I have it. I haven't really patronized strip clubs, but recently, but we had, there's a scene in tires where we shot at a strip club. And they had real strippers there. Yeah. And I was just like, oh, man, because I went to Shope's when I had no money and it wasn't that big of deals. Like, fun. You're in and out. It's like, whatever. Now I'm like, this could be a real problem. Yeah. If I get into this right now, because I bet they are really termed by you. I bet you would actually listen. I have, I'm friends with plenty of strip. You know what I mean? Like, I'm friends with plenty of sex workers. And we get along. It's a very similar. We have the fuck was that. That was our next guest. That's all the incredible. And I, yeah, I, I've been to, I've been too busy, honestly, to go, but I was eldest. I was, I was thinking like, man, how fun would it be to like, to have like a team dinner and then go to fucking pumps afterwards and take the boys to a ship club? I'd be like, here you go, fellas. Here's $100 in sync.

1:23:33You know what I mean? Like, just to really give little morale boost for the company. Yeah. But, but here's the thing I'm going to say. It is, first of all, it's nice. It is nice that your wife, she's not nagging you. She's not, she doesn't sound like Nikki did five years ago. She's not, she's not being like, you can't go to the fucking strip club. It's nice that you're like, I think this will bother her. And I'm just going to be a good guy about it. Now, you're set, I'm reading between the lines. She's like, we're going to strip club with a bunch of funny guys. And your, you want to not go to the strip club and also not be called the bitch. Yeah. Might I add? It's one or the other brother. It's one or the other. He is drive snitching on the homies by doing this. Absolutely. If I bring it up to his wife or like anyone, like, yeah, you don't even bring it up. Did he, because that's the thing it's like dude, just do it and don't tell her. I know it's because it's not real bitch. It's not, no, it's not at all. You don't even know for a fact. And he doesn't have to get a lap dance or anything. No, that's what I'm saying. If you're just there, you can't see titties.

1:24:34He's a person. You know, I'm sorry. And the idea that women get jealous of their husbands, like looking at an attractive woman and scared. But they're not going to fight at all. By the way, you, you hope that your husbands attracted to women who are hot. Yeah, he doesn't have some kind of terminal illness. Yeah. Body is great. That means he's working. He's real. Yeah. He's can't just only be attracted to you. So I don't even get, just let him enjoy it. A doctor checking up and got him. Have you been ogling any fives lately? That's a symptom of something really bad. Have you been jerking off to any horrors? Yeah. So I would say dude, this is good. This is nice. This is cute of you to do. Because it's not coming from a place of like, I'm, wow, she won't let me or what? I know I'd get in big trouble. You're trying to anticipate your wife's needs. Yeah. He also, it doesn't sound like he likes it. It doesn't sound like he really wants to, you know, and so that's fine. Yeah. But they're going to call you a pussy. And that's okay. That's part of being friends. First of all, you're actually doing a service to look at it this way.

1:25:35You're doing a service to the bachelor party because you are giving them the guy to roast for the rest of the weekend. Yeah. You are a very important guy here. Some guys go grab the pizzas. Some guys bring you, someone's good gets the Airbnb. Whatever. You're the guy who's such a fucking piece of like such a coward. A whipping boy. The tit scare you. And they're going to make fun of you for that. That's fine. That's fine. You're the guy who's laying down on the barbed wire so everyone can run across. Yeah. But yes, you can't have it both ways, baby boy. Keep it going, LD. What's up, stop. What's up, LD? What's up, guest? I called him before with some random kind of more bullshit questions, but I actually feel like I'm more or can I under more you? I'm in a group therapy for GLP one management or follow us kind of talking about how to fix us and whatever and fall ages and some of the older women in the group love AI.

1:26:36I guess that's not shocking. A lot of old people really love AI these days, but there's one specific girl who talks woman. She's older. She's talking about her AI chatbot all the time. She's named him and talks about her conversations with him and all this stuff. And in the last group, I finally just kind of snapped because I was having a bad week and she was rambling about trip and I had nothing to do with the group. And I thought, what AI bot? And I was like, why are we talking to AI? Yeah. Like why are you, is it your friend? Like, and I kind of pushed her on it and the group ended up being kind of divided with people that agreed with me and people that also had top off. So fucking funny. Now apparently she was so hurt and embarrassed by that that she's wanting to leave the group. Oh, fuck. We all have each other's phone numbers and stuff and I don't want her to leave the group, but I'm not sorry. You know what I mean? I feel like this is not something that I should be like, oh, I'm sorry. I heard you're destroying the planet.

1:27:38Of course. And I think it's weird that you don't think that's weird. Anyways, what do you think I should do? Should I say anything to her? Should I just let her leave the group? Should I suck it up and apologize? Because she's an old lady and it doesn't matter? Yeah. Yeah, what should I do? What would you do? All right. Bye. I definitely, here's, I also have been working on this theory and I might, maybe this is the first new bid I do after, after the special comes out. But I actually don't blame old people who love AI. Because think about the technology changes in their lives. These are people that were born without fucking running water, some of them. These are people who went from outhouses to color, to black, to radio, black and white TV. Like the internet itself is actually way more impressive in mind bending than AI is. Right. The fact that you can, you can fucking talk to somebody in Germany like that, that's actually crazier than the fact that yeah.

1:28:38Then the fact that like, you know, we've created fucking, you know, chat bots that like can mimic voices or whatever. That's not the technology. I'm not that impressed by it obviously, but I understand why an old person would be. So let's, like, like, fucking Jeff Daniel, no, Jeff Bridges was on Theo's podcast talking about how much he loves AI music and it's like, you know what? Jeff Bridges is so fucking old. Yeah. But it's like, let him have it. So, and I would say there's a difference between being correct, like correct into your opinion and handling it the right way and the context of a group. Right. Because you said you snapped, you said you were tired of it. I, my strategy when doing, you know, when talking about things I really fundamentally disagree with on is truly asking out of curiosity. Like, why do you think that? You know what I mean? Like, what's behind this? It happens a lot with old people and like, like, you know, trans issues and like, just, just, just be like in general, like race it.

1:29:39Like, I mean, I've gotten into some fucking arguments with Greek people about immigration and like, it's like fucking like, like, it's crazy. Like the hypocrisy of like, I used, I went dangled with my dad and like, some of his fucking friends were like half of them are, you know, their magna. And it's like, you are not from here. You, you were born in a fucking village in Greece. You fucking idiot. And then, and then I was like, and then I was like, do you know anybody who came in illegally? And literally a guy at the table is like, oh yeah, I mean, I stuck in, I stuck in Canada. I mean, this kind of shit, right? And so that escalated to an argument. Yeah. But it started with like, what do you know? And sometimes you can't help it. But you kind of have to make them, you're going to have to like make them be the one who stops the civility. You can't, even though you have them, you are correct. Now, you can't lose the civil high ground. This is going to be a big problem, I think, in our society where it's like, I get being really mad at boomers for a lot of different stuff. But you're not going to get anything, just fucking yelling at them. Yeah. You know what I mean? The correct way to handle this is you have AI generate a video of John Legend telling this lady that she's a pig.

1:30:44Yeah. Like, this is what it does. You two can play it this game, Rhonda. Yeah, I feel like the only argument I've heard for the chat pot is that it's, that the good that it brings is that it's for lonely old people that don't have anyone. So I feel like this woman is, which by the way, lonely and dumb. By the way, that's insane that we just seeded that as a thing. I got not an argument, me and Neil, Neil Brenner were talking about it. He was like, isn't this good for people who like, you know, can't have real girlfriends? It's like, no, just we've atomized our society in a place where there's no community. They're all our how everybody has to fucking drive some everything's a fucking monstrosity suburb. No one is connected to their neighbors. There's no Nate. There's no third places. You don't go to a bar, you know, and see there's cheers of show would not exist today. No, there's no bar where you know eight or 20 central perk. There's no place like that. There's nothing like that. No boredom. And so, and like that is the problem.

1:31:44Yeah. This is a complete bandaid and old people's another thing. It's like American society abandons you. Once you're not, once you can't make anybody money, you're useless in our society. Or you're unfockable. Which is why you're making no money. Exactly. Exactly. They go hand in hand. What your value is either like sexual or it's financial to the system. And it's like, once, basically, once you can stop being exploited in the ways they like, you're useless. And look, I think it's fucking weird. I think the like nursing home culture is fucking crazy. Like, you know, Greek people don't do that shit. My mom, like, like, she would never, we could afford to put my grandmother in a home. But my mom prefers to be, and like, my mom is going to live with me or my brother. Like, there's no, like, there's no way we would do that shit. And so, that's us, that's us basically surrendering to how fucked up our society is when we say, well, hey, I can help these people. It's like, no, we should help our community should help these people. They offer something to us. And it's like, there should be a retirement.

1:32:46There should be, once you don't have any value, that's not when you should be cast aside and have to fucking talk to something that, you know, is making it so there's, so the average temperature in Montana is two fucking degrees higher. So, I think what you did was fine. Well, well, no, I think it's not- But she apologizes for the way she said it. I think you said- Exactly. Exactly. I think what you say is I was having a rough day. And if I'm going to be completely honest, I have these issues with AI. I think it's a problem environmentally. I think you're a wonderful person who deserves to have real connections with real people. And it came out the wrong way. And I really value you as a member of this group. I apologize if I embarrassed you that wasn't my intention. I wanted to have a conversation about it. And it came out way the wrong way. Because you don't want this person to lose. Yeah. I think that's what you have to do. And you eat a little crow here and you just have to take it now about AI. Because you fucked up. You had the high ground and you seated it by, you know, yelling about it. So whatever. Further driving her.

1:33:46Exactly. Because I only talked to chat robots. Yeah, yeah, yeah, ever. Yeah, that's so true. Yeah, the chat robots say, yeah. Claude, how do you cut someone's brakes? Yeah, man, that's fucking crazy. The AI should have truly fucked. I mean, we are cooked. I mean, there's no- My sister had a job for a little while. That was literally just hanging out with old people in a nursing home. Just like talking to them for a while. That's like that should be a federally like subsidized job. We should truly go do shows at nursing homes. Yeah, that would be so fun. Get booed by old people. We're gonna bomb. But my dad plays music at nursing homes. That's awesome. Like every music three times a week. Here's why music is better. Actually, no, don't do comp. Actually, I don't want to. I don't want to I don't want to fucking show, you know, subject these people to stand in the comedy. I know. Let it fucking let it go. You're the trust into your job. Yeah. You who I'm trying to get pussy in this nursing home. You're not helping. You're trying these bitches up. This shit is crazy when the sun goes down. Oh, yeah, when you when you can. You can buy London here. Yeah.

1:34:46When you combine sun downing with being horny. Oh my god. I need pussy. You become a zombie that just wants to fuck old ladies. Wow, salute to her. You got some so yeah, just chill. Apologize. Yeah. And that's fun. Maybe I should join a GLP one group. Talk to some old fat guys and become a person. So they just talk about what it's like to lose a bunch of weight. I guess so. That's a big change. I I I suppose yeah, I was and by the way, you had you did a bit on it. Was it the tonight show? Yeah, really on. And I was mad because I was I was doing that bit. Oh, fuck. I'm sorry man. That sucks. She's not even fucking fat. No. It's okay. It's okay because no, no, no, it was it actually like I dropped a bit and I do have an oz. I mean, I have some zepound stuff on the special that went in a different. It was good because it was like that was a that was a good take when it first came out. But I feel like I feel like I've done you know, they've been out for a couple of years now. So I needed to do something.

1:35:46It's it came out, you know, three year, three or four years. Yeah. So I needed a more personal take on anyway. But I do remember being like fucking. Oh, that sucks. You suck. No, no, it was a great bit. It sucks. But there are like lifestyle changes that go along with the routine, right? So there has like group therapies, probably part of it. Yeah, I mean, listen, I, I tech, I'm not in a technical, but I am in a fat, got fat actors group chat with Mike Mitchell, John Gaboris and Zach Cherry. And, and we talk about, and we're all like, it started with two of us were on, like I think Mitch and Zach were on it before. And then I got on it and then finally Gabor's got on it. And then we're all talking about symptoms and like, wow, what, what number are you on? How did it feel there? And truly sometimes you just want to be like, is this weird or normal? And that's like, what? Like, what? Just like, you know, shitting too much, shitting enough. Okay. You know what I mean? Like, how bad does your, you know, like some people have no symptoms. Some people have, I had like, you know, certain, like I had really bad, weird, like, burps

1:36:49for a while. There were atrocious. I'm down other noise in your head, just more than food noise. It did at first, but I have subjected myself to such an inhuman schedule this, the, the last three months that I don't even know it. Like, it's, it's sort of like the, the visual of like when the Cheeto and the lock where it's like, that bound is like fighting, it's fighting how fucking nervous. I mean, the last month has been really tough. And I've been so, so anxious and like, and, and, and, and like food is so, my, what are you anxious about? I mean, I guess getting sick and, yeah, exactly. All that was all that was. What it was, what I realized was like, even if you want to do it, you can push your body way too. Like, losing my voice was the ultimate, like, oh, I have no control really. I can push past every signal. You want stage crutches. You can go on a wheelchair. You can not go on without a voice. Exactly. And that's the one thing that you can lose. And if we're being honest, when I threw my back out, I should have been like any regular person would have done really tried to fix it because it's going to fuck you up.

1:37:51But I had a tour. It was right before tires. It was filming. It was right before the tour. And, and I was like, I was so, I was on some levels disappointed in myself because after that run, that first run where I just got so fucking fat and I was like addicted to, you know, fucking weed and fucking pills and like attention from strange and everything, right? I gave in to all my addictions. I was like, this will never happen again. And it wasn't, it's not as bad as that, but I did. I have to be honest. If I was really actually worried about my health first, I wouldn't have, I would have postponed it to, I would have done something, right? I probably couldn't have done anything with tires, but they also, they were always great about working around my schedule and whatever. But I would have had one job instead of three jobs with a fucked up back. And so I had to take cortisone shots which are complete. They're bad for you and they don't solve anything. They just make it so you're not in pain. And so I am on some level, I am disappointed in myself for that because like, and then losing your voice, I got, I was getting sick like every other week before like I just pushed my

1:38:51body to way more than I was capable of. And that was the realization where it's like, oh, even if your mind theoretically wants to do it, you just might not be able to, there's such thing as pushing yourself past what you're doing. Do you get fucked up up here? Do you get like depressed or like anxiety? I actually think being this busy is a coping mechanism where I don't, because I do really well with like, you have no time to think about it. Yeah, that's why I've worked so hard. Exactly, it's like, I can't think about it. I can't think about it. I can't think where it's like so. Everything's been a, everything's been an emergency, including right now. I mean, we're finishing the special, and this is coming out. We're pre-recording episodes when the specials out. We're not done. You know what I mean? And we're pre-recording, like in the middle of all, we're also shooting, like I got a text about the calendar. Like we're doing, we're setting up our office. I'm doing eight fucking things. It's driving me fucking insane. Does it gonna slow down? Yeah, once this is done, I am true.

1:39:52I've said this forever, and I know everybody's like, yeah, yeah, we keep hearing you take time off. Unless fucking Martin Scorsese calls me, unless fucking they're like, hey, we need, we need you on heat too. You know what I mean? I'm not doing anything until, you know, come back, King comes out in February, this movie I shot. And it's like, I'll probably have to do some press for that. Yeah, but October to February. No tour? No touring. Oh my God. I'm gonna just stand up in New York. Fuck yeah. I'm gonna just enjoy, I'm gonna hang out. Like, I was like, oh, I wanted to go on vacation, but I kind of missed the Greek window. But then I was like, I'm just gonna go on vacation in New York. I live in the greatest city in the world at the greatest time. I know. And instead of working, I'm gonna go to the movies. I'm gonna be the PCM. I'm gonna have a nice, I'm gonna have, I'm gonna, you know, I've just in a board day and movie. I'm hoping I can parlay that to great restaurants. You know what I mean? Like, I hope some chefs see it or like, why don't you come out? You know what I mean? I'm trying, I'm gonna try and milk Tony as much as possible while, you know, enjoying a nice, optimal days in New York City. So yeah. But, but I do, you know, I fucking, it's, it's a bad time to pitch you on the game show.

1:40:56I've been thinking about. Yeah. Russian Roulette meets Connect 4. That's, I like that. I'm doing. Is this the strip club question still? Does somebody ask us something else? How do we talk about this off the strip club question? You don't even fucking remember? No, it's a G.O.P. Oh yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm wondering what, what, thank you J.P. God forbid the producer know what fucking question we're talking about. You don't know. And you clicked on something. I know. You looked at the computer and said, I don't know. I just had the last possible question, cute up. Oh, I see. Not the last question. I see, I see. The one to go out on, I see. All right, well then go ahead, man, please, please, something to go out on, little buddy. Something fun to go out on. I apologize. This is not a question, but this is just in concept for promoting maybe your calendar. Okay. I was watching the sandlot the other day. I would love if you would do a recreation of the scene where Hamilton, the great himbino, walks around the pool, weighs high to the ladies.

1:41:58I'm waving on the side and does they care about? Yeah. That's all I have to say. Okay. I feel like that's only done at some point with your beautiful, beautiful Greek physique. Okay. Um, if you would like for me to play Wendy Pfeffa corn, please. I see. Yeah, respect. So this is doing something for you. I will let it slide that you're getting horny at a children's movie. Well, it's first of all, it is squints who get who pulls the move on Wendy. I thought it was squints, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And Wendy is at least, I mean, they're little, I mean, they're, they're, they're, never mind. They're all children. She's at least 16. No, no, no, no. You did it in the Jerry Seinfeld voice. She's, but she's got huge. 30. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, yeah. Uh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Now, that's interesting because we actually do, we've, me and Ben, uh, our, our creative producer here. Uh, the cheeks, Mr. Cheeks has directed my specials.

1:42:59We work together on the calendar. Ben has suggested we do a all movie. Uh, that's great. Calendar one year. Yeah. And I think it's going to be this year, but I think next year we will. So we'll keep that in mind, sister. Thank you for calling. The problem is if you, if you recreate that and people don't know the reference, then it's just what the fuck? Yeah, it's like, what the hell is this? Yeah. If you could play anyone like a reboot of a movie. Hmm. Oh, that's fun. Oh, man. Wait, you guys go first. Let me think. It's dark, dark. I only brought it up so I could see that. That's so fucking funny. I do like a, you've got mail, but with, you know, how it was like, it was a small book shop against like a Barnes and Noble. Now it'd be Barnes and Noble against Amazon. Yeah. That's so funny how we've moved on. Yeah. Where you're like, I'm a good guy. I'm shopping at that spot. I'm, I'm getting a DVD for that. That's like the thing that killed DVD stores. I know. I know we're, we are so fucked. Capitalism is killing us. We're the fucking toad in the boiling pot.

1:43:59I would do a guy you're like sending Marlena's texts. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're sending him snaps. I, for, I mean, my answer is so easy. I stole the, I, if I stole the graphics from it and kind of the special even special title. It's Uncle Buck. I want to play Uncle Buck. Yes. Oh, my God. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That makes sense. I love, I mean, obviously John Candy like. People on that right now when we were taught when we, when we were talking about like talent versus hard work. Yeah, I was kind of thinking like, oh, no, no matter how hard I work, I'm never John Candy or Chris Farley. I'm trying to get, I'm going to do my own, but like there's just some people who are such supernovas of like, of like natural talent that candy maybe Farley's tough. Farley, I don't got that. Farley, the physical capabilities are much better at like I'm not a great. I'm an okay actor. Candy is like unbelievable. He just has something so innate and, and, and, and. Plains, trains and automobiles, it kind of breaks your heart, but he's so good in that. You can pull it out. That's an incredible. You can pull it out. This is, that's what's going to happen. Thank you. I appreciate it.

1:45:00I appreciate it, but, you know, we'll see the, the, the, what was the invitation? Oh, yeah. Yeah, we'll do that. Yeah, I'm both going to be, you think I can be John Candy and I can also be Seth Rogen and Seth Rogen in the invitation. I'll take both of those. Anyway, that is going to do it for us. Thank you. Nikki, thank you so much. So, so, so happy to have you. Oh, big day. Don't get used to being on the free ones. You're going to right back to the Patreon after this. He said, don't get comfortable and I didn't. Yes, you're on tour right now. Go, go see Nikki in person. All new material. All new material. The specials out all, it's been out for a while. Watch that. You've got a ton of specials on tour. What the next Golden Globes, these Mr. McDade. Yeah, I thought in January. Mr. McDade will be writing. For those and hopefully, hopefully this year, me and Zach Cherry will do a bit about. Oh, you know, the other one I wanted to make fun to mock was Ethan Hawking in. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Where it's like the fucking guy who was such a peous like the biggest piece of ass in

1:46:02Hollywood. His big stretch is, what if I couldn't get pussy? He wins a, he wins an Oscar. He wins, he gets an Oscar nomination over Jesse Plemmons, by the way, who should have been nominated. He gets an Oscar nomination for like that. What if I was a short bald guy who couldn't fuck a beautiful woman? That was a big acting challenge for him. Fuck you. You're a legend. I love you. You're so good at acting, Ethan Hawking. But come on, man. A little bald guy couldn't, a, a bisexual little bald guy couldn't have played that part. Anyway, that's going to do for us folks. And we will see you next time. Bye-bye. Nothing beats tradition, like weekly game nights at Mom's house. And Toastitos, crafted with Masha made the traditional way, starting with whole corn kernels, with flavors worth gathering around, like a hint of lime and Mexican street corn, and no artificial colors, flavors, or preservatives.

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