You Don't Owe Anyone a Reason For Your Decision Yet

0:00Diverse happens. In fact, it happens to almost 50% of first marriages. So let's talk about it. Welcome to Diverse happens. A podcast to educate, inspire, support, and yes. Make you laugh through a divorce and beyond so that you can start fresh on the next phase of your journey. Remember, divorce happens. And then we start fresh. You'll get divorced. You'll get divorced. Getting divorced? I'm getting a divorce. You're getting a divorce. Because she's getting a divorce. So what if I get divorced? Hey, it's Olivia. Welcome back to Diverse happens. Today, I want to talk about something that trips up almost everyone in this early private stage. The feeling that you need a fully formed airtight reason before you're even allowed to think about divorce.

1:00I want you to hear this clearly right at the top before we go anywhere else. You do not owe anyone a reason yet. Not your mother, not your sister, not your best friend. No, not even your spouse. Not your future self. Not even you right now in this exact moment. Let's actually name where this pressure comes from because I don't think it's totally random. We've all absorbed a kind of hierarchy of acceptable reasons to leave a marriage. Abuse and fidelity, those get instant sympathy. No follow-up questions. But I'm not happy anymore or we grew apart or something to me keeps quietly disappearing. Those get met with raised eyebrows. Are you sure? Have you really tried everything? Isn't that just marriage? So a lot of people end up stuck. Not because they don't already know something's wrong. Because they don't feel like their reason will be considered good enough to justify saying it out loud to anyone else.

2:01I want to gently, firmly push back on that my sweet friend. There's a real difference between explaining and justifying. Explaining is just telling the truth about your own experience. This is what I'm feeling. This is what it's actually like to live inside my life right now. Explanifying is building an airtight case sturdy enough to survive someone standing across from you, arms crossed, asking you to defend it. You're always allowed to do the first one. And you are never required to do the second one. Especially not this early on, especially not before you've even fully worked out what you think and private on your own. Here's the trap. If you wait until you have a reason good enough for other people, you can stay stock in the thinking stage for years. Because the truth is you might never build a version that satisfies absolutely everyone. You probably won't. There will always be someone who says that doesn't sound bad enough to me.

3:05That reaction isn't a reflection of whether your feelings are real. It's just what happens when you hand your private reasons over for someone else to grade. So here's the permission I want to hand to you today, plainly. Something isn't right for me. Is allowed to be a complete, sufficient reason. Full stop. That doesn't have to be your forever answer. You might find more clarity as time goes on. You probably will. You might land somewhere different than you expect right now. You might. In this early private stage, before you've said a word to anyone else, you do not need the polished bulletproof version. You just need the true one. You're allowed to still be figuring it out. You're allowed to not have the language for it yet. You're allowed to say out loud. I don't know exactly why I just know something feels off. And have that be a complete sentence. Not the opening line of a confession that needs more evidence attached before anyone else

4:07takes it seriously. If you're carrying a private thought right now and feeling the pressure to build a defense for it before you've said one word, I want you to set that pressure down. Yep, set it down. It's not yours to carry yet. Honestly, it might not ever be yours to carry, not in the way you think. And if people do push, once you're ready to tell them anything at all, here's a script that keeps your boundary intact without requiring you to relive or defend anything for their benefit. I'm still figuring this out and I'm not ready to go into detail yet. I'd ask you to trust me on that. That's enough. You don't know anyone more than that unless you genuinely freely want to give it. Remember, it doesn't have to have landed yet. And it definitely doesn't need a defense prepared before it's even allowed to exist. If you want a place to think all this through out loud that someone who isn't going to ask you to justify a single word of it, we're right here. Free consults, a valid network, and free guides whenever you need them.

5:08Okay, that's it for me today. Just remember, you are so much further along than you think. I'll see you next time. Are you considering divorce and worried about how you're going to rebuild financially and move forward? What should you know before you sign anything? How will divorce affect your retirement? Check out Divorce Financial Clarity Academy. Divorce Financial Clarity Academy is a six week live program helping women understand the financial decisions Divorce puts in front of them, including the ones they may not know to ask about yet. Join Donne Cates and guest professionals beginning September 18th. Registration is now open. You can click the link in the show notes to register for Divorce Financial Clarity Academy today. Divorce Happens is produced by Fresh Starts Registry, the only Divorce Registry platform for everything you need to begin again, including home items, hype team, and everything in

6:12between. Remember, Divorce Happens and then Restart Fresh. We're here to support you before, during, and after divorce. Head to FreshStartsRegistry.com for more info.