Hey Olivia, how do I know if this is over, or just a rough patch?

0:00Diverse happens. In fact, it happens to almost 50% of first marriages. So let's talk about it. Welcome to Diverse happens. A podcast to educate, inspire, support, and yes. Make you laugh through a divorce and beyond so that you can start fresh on the next phase of your journey. Remember, divorce happens. And then we start fresh. You'll get divorced. You'll get divorced. Getting divorced? I'm getting a divorce. You're getting a divorce. Because she's getting a divorce. So what if I get divorced? Hey, it's Olivia. Welcome back to Diverse happens. This week's Hail Olivia letter is one I think so many of you are quietly asking yourselves. Even if you've never started out loud to a single person. Let me read it to you. Hey, Olivia, I don't even know how to say this without sounding dramatic.

1:02But how do I actually know if what I'm feeling is this is over or just a rough patch? Some days I'm convinced. Other days I look at him and I feel completely fine. Even happy? I don't have one big reason. I just have this quiet doubt that won't fully go away. And I don't know if that means anything or I'm just hired, I'm looking for a villain. Okay. First of all, relax your shoulders. This is a tough question. But the fact that you're asking this question, it doesn't automatically mean that the answer is it's over. Every long relationship moves through rough patches. That's just sometimes it happens. Some brutal, some quiet, some that last a season and some that stretch out longer than anyone would like to admit. Feeling doubt is not the same thing as having your answer. Let's actually walk through how you tell a difference because I think that there are real tangible things you can look at instead of just spiraling. Is this feeling tied to a specific season or does it feel more permanent? Rough patches are usually attached to something that you can point to.

2:06Perhaps a stressful year, a new baby, a job loss, grief. If you can genuinely picture the feeling lifting once that thing has passes, that's a strong sign of a season not necessarily a verdict. Okay, so does the thought come and go or has it been a low hum that's just always been there, even underneath your good days? A rough patch tends to flare and settle. When the thought has quietly moved in and taken up a permanent residence, that's when it's worth paying real attention to. When you actually imagine staying exactly as things are for another five years, what happens in your body? Not what you think you're supposed to feel. The honest, physical, good level reaction. Is it relief, dread, a kind of flatness? Your body often knows before your mind is ready to say it out loud. Are you still both trying, even imperfectly, or are you the only one still showing up to this relationship? A rough patch usually still has two people reaching toward each other in some capacity.

3:10If you are the only one reaching and happen for a while, that my friend changes the whole equation. And if your closest friend describes your exact situation back to you, what would you tell them to do? Sometimes the clearest read comes from stepping outside your own story for just a hot second. I want to be really honest with you. None of these five questions gives you a clean yes or no by any means by themselves. But if you sit with all five, I noticed most of your honest answers pointing to the same direction, that's some real data. Now at the decision you have to make today, no, no, no, just something worth sitting with gently without rushing yourself toward an answer before you're ready. You don't have to know for certain right now. You're allowed to keep asking the question for as long as you need to. Wanting clarity isn't the same as wanting a reason to leave. Give yourself credit for how carefully you're actually paying attention here. Instead of just numbing out or pretending you don't notice anything at all.

4:13If you want help thinking this through with someone who isn't inside your marriage and isn't going to rush you toward an answer, we're right here. Free consults, a vetted network, and free guides whenever you need them. Okay, that's it from me today. Just remember, you are so much further along than you think. I'll see you next time. Divorce Happens is produced by Fresh Starts Registry, the only divorce registry platform for everything you need to begin again, including home items, hype team, and everything in between. Remember, divorce happens and then we start fresh. We're here to support you before, during, and after divorce. Head to Fresh StartsRegistry.com for more info.