X Minus One - A Gun For Dinosaur

0:00Shop vans and Albertsons for fresh savings every time you shop! This week at vans and Albertsons, get fresh boneless, skinless chicken breasts for 1.99 per pound limit 10 pounds, and locally grown grape-ary cotton candy grapes are 2.99 per pound with digital coupon. Plus, 24 packs of Canada Dry or 7-up 12-ounce cans are 4.99 limit 1 with digital coupon. Enjoy fresh and delicious savings for every meal! Hurry in! These deals won't last! Visit vans or Albertsons.com for more deals and ways to save! Meet the Red Bull Dragonberry Emergizer. It's one of the many new drinks out now. Who knew ice cold drinks could be so fire? Try them all only at McDonald's! Shop vans and Albertsons for fresh savings every time you shop! This week at vans and Albertsons, get fresh boneless, skinless chicken breasts for 1.99 per pound limit 10 pounds, and locally grown grape-ary cotton candy grapes are 2.99 per pound with digital coupon.

1:00Plus, 24 packs of Canada Dry or 7-up 12-ounce cans are 4.99 limit 1 with digital coupon. Enjoy fresh and delicious savings for every meal! Hurry in! These deals won't last! Visit vans or Albertsons.com for more deals and ways to save! 3, 2, x minus 1, fire! From the far horizons of the unknown, come transcribed tales of new dimensions in time and space.

2:01These are stories of the future, adventures in which you'll live in a million could be years on a thousand maybe worlds. The National Broadcasting Company in cooperation with Galaxy Science Fiction Magazine presents... 1, 1, 1, 1! Tonight's story, a gun for dinosaur by L. Sprake de Camp. A just whiskey, please, no soda. I, Mr. Rivers. Good heavens, no. I have been in America for some time, but not that long. Well, to a fine dinosaur. Well, just a moment, Mr. Selegman.

3:01I won't take you hunting, late Mesozoic dinosaur. Why not? How much do you weigh about 9 stone? 130 pounds. Yeah, I thought so. It's not heavy enough, but you're advertisement. You said safaris arrange to any time, but I'll take you to any period in the Cinezoic. I'll get you a shot at any intelligent or even mammoth or mastodon, they have fine heads. But I'll jolly well not take you to the Jurassic or the Cretaceous. You're just too small. What's my weight got to do with it? Oh, look here, oh boy, what did you think you were going to shoot those dinosaurs with? Well, I will look over here in this case. That's my own gun, a continental 600. That shoots a pair of nitro express cartridges, the size of bananas. It's designed for knocking down, Ella, for not just wounding them, but knocking them base over apex. Well, now I've had all guns. Look, I've been guiding hunting parties for over 20 years. But I've never known a man your size who could handle the six-naught-naught in Oxymova. For people who killed elephant with lighter guns, even the 375.

4:02Ah, yes, but consider an elephant weighs, well, let's say, from four to six tons. You're planning to shoot reptiles weighing two to three times as much as an elephant. I tell you, Mr. Selegman, I won't take anybody hunting dinosaurs so who can't handle a six-naught-naught. Let's pour another drink and I'll tell you why. You see, I went into the partnership with a raaja about five years ago. I call him that because he's the redditorimonic of Jean-Port. It means nothing, of course. We both wanted to do a bit of hunting again, and Africa's all played out. It's too civilized now. So when we heard of Professor Prahaska's time machine at Washington University, we caught the next plaintess and Louis. The foundation administering the machine had worked out an arrangement splitting the time between scientific parties and hunters who wanted to try their luck at prehistoric game. Hunters paid through the nose, of course, to support the project. Well, it was about our fifth safari that Courtney James showed up. He's what you chaps, caller, playboys, a big bloke, handsome in a way, flurry, beginning to turn to fat.

5:08He was on his fourth wife. And when he showed up at the office with a blonde, I assumed that this was the fourth Mrs. James. And he left her in the outer office and corrected my assumption. Bunny? Oh, no, she's not my wife. My wife is in Mexico, I think, getting into force. But bunny here would like to go along. I'm sorry. We don't take ladies, not to the late Mrs. Zoek. If she wants to go, she'll go. She skis and flies my airplanes, so why shouldn't she? There are enough risks at 85 million BC without adding to them. I'm sorry, but it's against the firm's policy. Now, look here. I'm paying you a lot of money. I'm entitled. You can't hire me to do anything against my best judgment. Now, if that's how you feel, get another guide. All right, all right. But let me tell you. Now, it ended with my telling him to get out of the office or throw him out. And I was thinking sadly of all that lovely money that James would have paid me. When he came another side, and August hosting her slim bull chap with glasses.

6:11Mr. Rivers, I don't want you to think I'm here under false pretenses. I'm really not much of an outdoorsman, and I'll probably be scared to death when I see a real dinosaur. Well, most of us have frightened at first, but I doesn't do to speak of it. Well, you see, I've always run a grocery store till my uncle died. And well, I've got a great deal of money now. And Bill, you knew how? So I'm engaged, you know, getting married. And, well, I'm determined to hang a dinosaur head over my fireplace or die in the attempt. A serratopsy, and I think that's the one with a big horned head and the frill over the neck, isn't it? Well, you want to think twice about that, you know. If you put a seven foot triceratop's head into a small living room, there's an apt to be no room left for anything else. I know it's ridiculous, but I'm determined to do something big for once. Since there's no more real big game hunting, I'm going to shoot a dinosaur and hang his head over my mantle. I'll never be happy otherwise.

7:21The Roger and I decided to make it to the middle critatious that's about 85 million years ago. It's the best period for dinosaur in Missouri. So we drove Holt Singer into the country to let him try the six-nought nought. It's rather heavy. Look, you look out the squatter kick. Couldn't you fire at prune? Oh, not a gun that big. There's not enough give. You'd break your shoulder. All right. Take the safety off. Like this? Yeah. Take my hand. I'll help you up. I... I... Thank you. I think I better try something smaller. Well, he took a fancy to my mantle to 70, chambered for a 375 Magnum cartridge. It's a little light for elephant, and very definitely light for dinosaur, but we were in a hurry. And then, of course, just before we were ready to trek, James showed up and apologized for insulting me. He'd had a run in with the girl and he wanted to go along, and so we were off on safari. You already, gentlemen?

8:22Yes, I suppose, who? Mr. Holsinger, you've met my partner, the Roger of Jean-Pour. How do you do, sir? How do you do? Well, shall we get cracking? After you, Mr. Holsinger? Mr. James, thank you. Let's get going. All set. We'll slam the hatch and off we go. What happened? Nothing till the force field is built up. Ah, there she goes. What happened to the lights? Well, there's no current while we're in transition. I don't feel well. There's usually a touch of vertigo. I shouldn't worry about it. Look, what are you shoot for? I mean with dinosaur. What is the best shot? Well, you don't try for his brain, you know, they don't have any. Not to be exact. They have a little bump about the size of a tennis ball on the top of their spines. And you're not likely to hit it when it's embedded in a six-foot skull. I try for the heart. They have big hearts over a hundred pounds. And exploding shell in the heart will slow them down at least. Oh, how I see. Why do we have to go so far for a game? Why couldn't we just go back 50 years and shoot lions of Africa?

9:22Well, the machine won't work more recently than a hundred thousand years ago. Why? Well, I know for a mention of expert on the subject. But it has something to do with what they call time paradox. You know, if people could go back to recent times, they might do something to affect history or kill their own grandfather, you know. And there's also some kind of taboo about sending people back to the same time again. And paradoxes mustn't have them. What would happen? I'm not sure, but the university isn't taking chances. They've got about a billion years to cover. They won't run out of ears. Hello? Here we go. Oh, cheers, eh? Well, let's do it. April 24th, 85 million years BC. Now then, careful. Keep the safety on your gun. And don't shoot unless I give the word. Why? Why should we have to wait for you? Because I'm responsible for everything you do, especially if something goes wrong.

10:25I say, Roger, open the door with you. In this period, the time chamber materializes on top of a rocky rise. At the west, you see the arm of the Kansas Sea that reaches across Missouri, and the big swamp where the sauropods live. To the east, the land slips up to a plateau. It's good for serotonpsies. But the finest thing about the Cretaceous is the climate. It's barmy like the South Sea Islands. And not so muggy as the Jurassic. Oh, he sent the time chamber back off and looked about. It was spring. The dwarf magnolias in bloom all over. Down towards the Kansas Sea, psycads and willows grew, while the uplands were covered with screw pins and ginkels. Well, I'm no ruddy poet, but I can appreciate a beautiful scene. Well, I was looking through the haze and sniffing the air.

11:26I got him. I got him. What the devil is? You see it there, girls? Confound it, you idiot. I told you not to shoot without word from me. And what happened? An unithomized wandered out of the cups. Mr. James gave him both barrels. Missed. Now look here, James. One of the biggest dangers on a safari is trigger happy sives who get panicky. You're not to shoot unless you're told you understand. Who do you think you are to tell me when to shoot my own game? Now look here. Firstly, if you shoot off all your ammunition before the trip is over, your gun won't be available in case of a pinch. And secondly, if you empty both barrels, what would happen if a big thieropod should charge before you could reload? And finally... Shop vans and Albertsons for fresh savings every time you shop. This week at vans and Albertsons, get fresh, boneless, skinless chicken breasts for $199 per pound limit 10 pounds. And locally grown, drapery cotton candy grapes are $299 per pound with digital coupon. Plus, 24 packs of Canada dry or 7-up 12-ounce cans are $499 limit 1 with digital coupon. Enjoy fresh and delicious savings for every meal.

12:28Hurry in. These deals won't last. Visit vans or Albertsons.com for more deals and ways to save. We make it easy. Toyota, let's go places. Meet the Red Bull Dragonberry Emergizer. It's one of the many new drinks out now. Who knew ice cold drinks could be so fire? Try them all only at McDonald's. It's not sporting to shoot everything inside. Is that clear? All right. All right. Well now then, first task is fresh meat.

13:30As I told you, a whole single wanted to sell a topsy in head. James insisted on a tyrannosaur. Then everybody would think that he shot the most dangerous game. Well, the fact is that tyrannosaurs overrated. But everybody's read about the tyrant lizard. Well, he doesn't have the biggest head of the theory pot. Oh, and he'll snap you up if he gets the chance. No fear. Oh, we started off searching for meat. The raja and I put the sives in front. We told them so that they'll get the first shot, which is true. But another reason is that they're always tripping and falling with their guns caught. And if the guy we're in front, he gets shot. Boneheads. Where? See? Crouching over there. Eating on those psychids. It's about the size of a man. Look intelligent. Not likely that bulge on the head is solid bone. Nothing to hold on there, James.

14:30You had your shot for the day. Or you're fired until the whole thing is shoots. Yeah, sure, sure. All right, go ahead, Mr. Holtzinger. It doesn't matter which one. No, here. Try that one by the rock. There's a good clear shot. We'll take your safety off. Oh. Go ahead now. Well, shh. I'm not so head-on-up of this. James, don't! I got him clean right through the heart. First shot, how's that? I thought you were going to give Holtzinger the first crack. It's his turn. Well, I waited. It took so long I thought he'd gotten bucked fever. Very well. But if this sort of thing happens once more, we'll leave you at camp the next time we go out. The next couple of days, we trekked around the neighborhood and then headed over to the sauropods swamp, over to the west. We were staked out along the edge of the lake. Watching a big beggar out in the swamp waving his head about. And they're the big ones. It took something like the Bronter's Orr.

15:33Can't we shoot him? I wouldn't. Why not? Well, there's no point to it and it's not sporting. Look, if you kill one in the water, he sinks and can't be recovered. And if you kill one on land, well, the only trophy is that little head on the top of that long neck. You can't bring that whole beast back because he weighs 30 tons or more. That museum in New York got all. Oh, yes. Well, they sent a party of 48 to the early crotaceous with a 50 caliber machine gun. They spent two solid months hacking and sawing the carcass apart and hauling it at the time machine. I know the chap on the project and he still has nightmares in which he smells decomposed dinosaur. And they also had to kill a dozen big sauropods who came in for the party. And they had them lying around too. They lost three men. Reggie, duck bill. Where are they? Up there, the shoreline. I keep your voices down. You see? With a crest on the back of their heads? Mr. Rivers, I've been thinking over what you said about those heads. If I could get one of those duck builds, I'd be satisfied.

16:33It'd look big enough over my men. Oh, I'm sure of it, old boy. Well, let's be off. Roger, are you right here with Mr. James? Shouldn't take us long. Houghton and I crept along the shoreline, narrowing the range to the duck builds. I think I can make the shot from here. I'll be ready in a minute, my man. Sure is loose. He's getting away. I won't get a shot. I'm afraid Mr. James has fired both barrels again. James, that's the second time you spoiled my shots. I ought to be a fool. I couldn't let them wander into camp stamping everything flat. There was no danger to that. You can see that the water is deep offshore. Just that our trigger of happy Mr. James can't see any animal without shooting. And if it did get close, all you have to do is a throw a stick of fire wood at it. They're perfectly harmless. But how was I don't know? I believe I mentioned it. Well, what are we on this miserable trip for, except to shoot things? There are certain rules, you know.

17:33You called yourselves hunters. I'm the only one who was hitting anything. Now, just a moment, old man. You're behaving like a confounded skyte with more money than brains. I should never have brought you along. That's how you feel. Give me some food and I'll go back to the base for myself. Now, don't be a bigger ass than you can help. That's quite impossible. All right, I'll go along. I wouldn't want to pollute your air with my presence. That's an attractive thought, but if you can't let him go, you'd get lost or starve. All right, I'll go after him. We stumbled along for several more days. James on his good behavior for a change. And on the first of May, we broke camp and headed north to the hills. That was hot and sticky. And we were soon panting and sweating like horses. When I picked up the smell of carrion and heard the thrumming of the flies, we found a huge set of topsy and lying dead in a little hollow on the edge of the cups.

18:33He must have weighed six or eight tons alive. Why couldn't I have gotten him before he died? That would have made it darn fine, he- But on your toes, Chaps, the sauropod that's been at this carcass is probably nearby. How do you know? We see how the hides been ripped off and the bones are scattered. Sauropods will hang around a carcass like this for weeks, gorgeing and then sleeping their meals off for days at a time. What do we do? Well, that's what we came after. But Roger, you take Mr. James through that way and we'll parallel you 40 feet distant. Now keep your eyes open. It'd be hard to see in these woods unless you're right on top of him. We pushed through the edge of the cups, looking for a huge flesh eater who'd been at the carcass. I could hear James and the Roger pushing ahead on my right. We were separated by a galley when I heard a noise ahead on our left. What is it? I don't know. Take the safety off your gun.

19:34Oh, there it is. It's one of those boneheads. Ah, well, they're not dangerous at any rate. But be careful. That Sauropod might still be around. I've got him. Got him clean. Well, he's done it again. He's shot the bonehead. I've got him. Look out. Look out. I got his arm. Look out. I got his arm. The tyranosaur heaved his head out of a shrubbery just in front of us. The scientist can insist that Rex is bigger than Tionkeys, but I'll swear that this tyranosaur was bigger than any Rex ever hatched. It must have stood 20 feet high and been 50 feet long. I could see its big, bright eye and six-inch teeth. He'd been sleeping off his last meal, and James fired off both barrels over his head at the bonehead and woke the tyranosaur up.

20:35Get back! Get back! You fools! Gun's empty in Roger. Can't get a shot. Found it. There goes the beast in behind those ferns. Halt singer. Halt singer! Come back, your gun's too light for that beggar. James came balding back in a panic and blended into the Roger, sending both of them sprawling under the ferns. The tyranosaur came after them to snap them up. Halt singer began to blaze away. He got off three shots through the beast's body with that little light gun. The tyranosaur whirled around to see what was stinging it. The jaws came open, and the head swung around and down again. Halt singer got off one more shot and tried to leap to one side. The tyranosaur continued its lunge and caught him in its jaws as he fell. Reggie! Reggie! Stand clear! Halt! Halt's the only chance. It's no use, there he goes. Try a long shot. Ah, Mr. Cleen.

21:37Poor Halt singer. Well, that's the end. You stopped screaming. Did you notice? Oh yes. Well, I expect we'd best track the beast. We might be dying, we should try to recover. Halt singer's remains. Yes, there's nothing else to do. No, nothing. The bad show all around. And now later, we gave up. And went back to the glade looking very dismal. Where have you two been? We were occupied. The late Mr. Halt singer. Remember? You shouldn't have gone off and left me. None of those things might have come along. It's not bad enough to lose 100 through your stupidity. What? Sure, you put us in front of you, so if anybody gets eaten, it's one of us.

22:38That's you stinking little swine. You shouldn't have been a first-class idiot and blown those two battles again. This never would have happened. Halt singer died trying to save your worthless life. And I wish he'd failed. All right, I oughta. Now, then, my lad, but I'm glad you did that. It gives me a chance I've been waiting for. Now, get up. And I'll be glad to finish off. You won't finish anybody off. All right, put your hands up. Both of you. Put that gun away. Don't be an idiot. Anybody do that to me? You can't get away with murder. Why not? We'll be much left to you after you're hit with a 600-explosive shell. Nobody could prove anything. They can't hold you for a murder 85 million years old. The statute of limitations, you know. Nice work, Roger Otschath. A grittacious rock. Doesn't quite have the balance of a cricket ball, but it's a bit hard.

23:38So what? Well, suppose we tie this chap up and take him back to camp. When the time transition chamber finally arrived, we fell over one another, getting into it. We dumped James in a corner and threw the switches. You two should have killed me back there. Why? You don't have a particularly good head. You wouldn't look at all well over the mantle. You're gonna laugh. But I'll get you someday. Close quarters, isn't it? Someday I'll find a way. I'll find a way and I'll get off scut-free, too. My dear chap, if there was some way to do it, I'd have you charged with hosting as murder. Look, you'd best let well enough alone. Oh, no, I'll kill you. Both of you. Somehow. Sigh, I'd say. Thanks.

24:43When we came out in the present, we handed him his empty gun. Doppie went. We paid everybody off. Found that we were broke. But quite luckily, a steel manufacturer turned up who wanted a mastodon head for his den. Well, we were standing in the laboratory at the university waiting for the time chamber. The technician, he's a bookish chap, a theoretical temporal physicist, was watching his dials and scopes. Oh, by the way, Mr. Rivers, you've just missed him. Huh? Mr. That last client of yours, Mr. James. Well, that's good luck. What was he doing here? Oh, he told me quite a tale, so he'd lost his wallet back there. And it contained some very valuable paper. Must have been valuable. He paid the university fee of $5,000 for the use of the chamber. He's on his way back there now. Back where? Well, he told me to send him back a few minutes before he arrived the last time, then he could see himself drop the wallet.

25:45He's going to stand there and watch himself come out. Yeah, but, um, doesn't that create what you check call a paradox? What happens when a man tries to occupy the same time twice? Oh, you don't know. It's never been tried before. Oh, we tried to warn him, but he insists. Yes, I know. He's a headstrong chef. Still, he wouldn't think he'd chance it just with the sake of a wallet. Was he armed? Yes. He had a 375 express. 375. That's odd. He knows it's too late for Diana's heart. Yes, but not too late for a man. And say, Roger, you don't think Mr. James is lurking behind a bushback there until we show up again? Planning to put us as we step out. That's impossible. We already did step out of the chamber, or nothing happened. Yeah, but that was before Mr. James was waiting with an express rifle caught. Hey, Doctor? You mean he's planning to murder the two of you? I wouldn't be a bit surprised. No, I suppose there's anything you could do to stop the process now.

26:50No, it's too late. The chamber's in transition now. Look, hadn't you better get out of here before he kills you? I was no point in running. If Mr. James is theory is right, we've both been dead for 85 million years. You might as well wait and see what happens. Transition point coming up. Well, it's been quite a world up to this point. Hey, Roger. Yes. Right. Here it goes. Reggie, are you all right? Well, I think to be. What happened? The time chamber. It's back. We'd better get it open. Good lord, look at that. Gasky, isn't it? Where did it come from? I'm not sure. The rather thing it came from the middle of Cretaceous era. It wasn't here a moment ago. Gasky miss.

27:50Looks as if every bone was pulverized in every blood vessel burst. I dare say. But that's his gun, all right. It's James, there's no doubt of it. So, that's the story, Mr. Cilligman. Of course, I don't understand the mathematics, but the ideas are rather easy to grasp. Nobody had shot us when we first emerged on the 24th of April, 85 million BC. It was, of course, that couldn't be changed. The instant James started to do anything that would make a paradox. The space-time forces snapped him forward and ripped him to bits. Well, they know a good deal about that now, and there's a safety margin of 500 years between each trip. You can't have paradoxes, you know, just isn't done. And you see, I'm a lot more careful now.

28:50I shouldn't have taken James when I knew what a spoiled, unstable sword he was. Well, hope thing, either. When I saw that he was too small to shoot a dinosaur gun. With a heavy gun, he probably have not the tyrannosaur down and saved his own life. So, Mr. Cilligman, that's why I won't take you to that period, to hunt. I'm sorry, but you're just too light. You know, big enough to handle a gun for dinosaur. You have just heard X-1, presented by the National Broadcasting Company, in cooperation with Galaxy Science Fiction Magazine, which this month features the story of a man who develops a spaceship that travels so fast. That it's pilots vanish mysteriously into thin air. Read the Vaughn Shelton's story, Point of Departure, in Galaxy Magazine, on your new stand now.

29:51To might by transcription, X-1 has brought you a gun for dinosaur. A story from the pages of Galaxy written by L. Sprig DeCamp, Patent Consultant and one of our leading authors of Science Fiction. It was adapted for radio by Ernest Canoy, featured in the cast where Alistair Duncan, Wendell Holmes, John Gibson, Donald Buca, Warren Parker, and Alan Hubert, your announcer Fred Collins, X-1 was directed by Daniel Sutter, and is an NBC radio network production. The Toyota's easy choice sales event is on. Whether you're looking for the performance of a camera, the versatility of Arab 4, the efficiency of a Corolla, or all electric driving in the BZ, there's a Toyota that's just right for you.

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