With Stugotz & Hoch: The Chuck Norris Episode

0:00With Stu Gotts and Hawkman, many, many people have been looking forward to this retrospective of Chuck Norris from his time on the Levitard show. Now, we didn't know we were going to do a Chuck Norris episode regardless, but obviously he passed away last week at the age of 86. So we moved it up in the schedule. But on the show, we had mythologized Chuck Norris for weeks, maybe months, those Chuck Norris facts. This was before things went viral. Yes. Like, how did that get viral? I think the Chuck Norris facts had been around for a while. We just, you know, we saw them, we loved Chuck Norris. We started reading some on the air. People started calling in with their own and it just kind of took a life of its own. It took on a life of its own. And we were having so much fun with it. And then the obvious end goal was to get Chuck Norris on the air and read

1:03some of these to it, you know. Correct. We wanted Chuck Norris on the air. Did, did, were you, Taylor, do you remember the Chuck Norris facts or you were too young? That had to be when I guess like 05 and 06. Yeah, that was once I started getting into the internet like Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas. Right. I'm just looking at Wikipedia. Chuck Norris facts. I was trying to figure out when it says Chuck Norris facts originally appeared on the internet in early 2005, though jokes surrounding Norris' toughness and strength are claimed to have existed since the 1980s. But the facts were going viral before there really was any virality. And we were, we were reading them constantly on the show. And I remember, you know, Dan kept saying, we got to get Chuck Norris on the show. Like we have to have Chuck Norris on the show. Right. It was the obvious payoff to what it is we were doing. Yes. My son's calling me. Maybe he wanted to add in a Chuck Norris fact. So we talk Chuck

2:09Norris uses pepper spray to season his steak. Right. Like, I mean, it was like we love bad asses on the show. Yes, because we're not. Right. Yes. Yes. So we love bad asses. And Chuck Norris was, you know, I think I mentioned it in our last pod, but it was like, there was a moment in time where John Claude Van Dam, Chuck Norris Steven Seagull. Right. That was like the triumvirate of bad asses. Yes. I'm looking. So we had him on the levitar show. I think people may thought that we had him on more. But we had him on the levitar show twice from my calculations. The first time was February 17th, 2006. Right. And the second time was November of 2006. Right. But this was, I mean, a lot of effort to get Chuck Norris to appear on the show. People need to understand, Hawk, we spent most of the top,

3:09most of the four hours we had for nearly a month, building up Chuck Norris, reading, reading, doing the Chuck Norris stuff, people calling in and venting their own, we built this guy up so big. And now we're eventually going to get him on. And I'm telling you, you and I discussed this with Dan all the time. Appointment, listening was so important. This was appointment, listen, like if you were at work, you got to a radio and you listened to this interview because we had built it up for such a long time. By the way, do you guys hear the hammering that's going on in my house? Yeah. No, okay. You know, I used to be crazy about ambient noise and I'm not any longer, but they're literally, I have four construction workers in the house right now. But also the building is working on the roof at the same time. So I am experiencing a cacophony of noises. Yes, which is normally, yes, right. Old Mark Hockman would cancel the pod, cancel the taping.

4:10I'd probably go around yelling at people even though it's not their fault. They're just with their job. And now I don't give a shit. Yes. Well, now as you pointed out, many, many months ago, you could shoot video with a plane flying by and the kids don't fucking care. I mean, they just just give you content. So you're good. I'm bothering you. It's not bothering anyone else. As long as you guys aren't hearing it or aren't bothered by it and the truth is I don't make a dime off this podcast or who the fuck cares? You get what you want. My wife used to say to my son, you get what you get and you don't get upset. But of course, if he didn't like the meal that we gave him, we gave him a different one. And if he didn't like that one, we'd go get him a different one. And then finally, we would just end up with McDonald's. Just to make him stop, right? Terrible parent. In hindsight, terrible parent. Yeah. If you want a podcast without incessant hammering, no one hears it. So order a cameo from me and stugots on cameo. Do we have any of the more cameos we sell the more money I make? Maybe I'll take this more seriously.

5:14Speaking of money and sponsors, I appreciate Dec 84 and Burton Max's Lauren. I went to Dec 84 on Saturday night. And we had fish dip. Dec 84 is on Atlantic Avenue and Delray Beach. And we had fish dip. You know, Buddha, he runs Burton, Max's, but also they own Dec 84, the Rappaport Group. Fish dip. You like fish dip? Not really. I like their spinach dip though. It's great. So good. They've good spinach dip. Their fish dip is so good, but it comes with all these pickled vegetables. And I love pickled vegetables. I mean, you really tap into things. I don't like fish and vegetables. Yes. I was never that guy either. As you get older, though, like I like coleslaw now. Really? A young person ever likes coleslaw. Literally. Like the starting age of even considering eating the little tin of coleslaw usually is like starts at 40. Yes. And now at 56, I'm like, yeah, you know what? Hold the fries. Can you double up on the coleslaw right now? Is that a

6:14help ring or is your palate changed? What do you say? It's the palate changes. Right. Yeah. It's weird. You get older and you're like, oh, coleslaw, that sounds delicious. Right. I swore I'd never have coleslaw in my life. And now it's all medium bathing and coleslaw. I will tell you that happened to me with sushi. I mean, I'm a big sushi eater now. I like sushi. Yes. Talk what about lemon pepper wings? Yeah. So I had obviously you've been listening to the show. So we do the show where we're live. It's all during our show. I mean, I got a long drive home. I'm always amazed when I get a text from him at like 345 going that segment was funny as shit. I think she's right now. I'm speaking. So we're doing the show. I tell Crowder. I was at Gulf Stream Park and they had, you know, they just give us as much food as we want because we do the show up in the restaurant there. We do a show there twice a year at Gulf Stream and 10 palms. They throw it down for us and they brought us wings. I'm just eating the wings. This is a good wing.

7:16Why does this wing taste so good? Yeah. And Crowder's like, those are lemon pepper wings. And I go, I've never had one before. And he's like, how is it possible that you've never had a lemon pepper wing? Because we talk about it all the time. You know, Louis Williams goes to Magic City in Atlanta and everybody always raves about the lemon pepper wings. And the hawks had a night plan for that place and the reason that I had never, that's right. The reason that I had never had lemon pepper wings, I don't like lemon and I don't like pepper. That's problematic. Yes. As I get older, the things that I didn't like, I think perhaps I like because, you know, there's an Italian beef place in Chicago called Portilos, but they've got one now in Orlando and a couple in Tampa or whatever. The best thing on the Portilos menu is lemon cake. But I don't like lemon, but this lemon cake is the best fucking thing I've ever eaten in my life. And now I find myself ordering things that have lemon involved in it. And I'm a huge fan of lemon pepper wings.

8:21And lemon, it seems like in general. Yeah. I'm all about lemon and pepper. Oh no. You give me some lemon pepper and a coleslaw. I'm the happiest mother fucker in Boca Raton. I just gave him his wheelhouse of chat lemon and he gave me nothing. I do love, I did love chat lemon. I was convinced when I was growing up in Chicago, die hard white socks, man. I said, when I'm of age to have a child, I'm naming my child chat. If I have a boy because I love chat lemon, we're number 44 for the white socks. Great. I said, I'm going to name my first child chat. And then guess what happened? But as I continued to grow up, the movie Weird Science came out. Yes. And the douchebag brother, his name was Chet. Yeah. He was a total douchebag. Remember, she turned him into a monster at the end. Yes. Yes. So Chet went from a good thing in your heart to a terrible person, right? All of a sudden I could never have a blubbering douchebag kid named Chet. Well, your kid's the big winner. Perhaps he didn't want the name Chet.

9:31Anyway, you know, enjoy the fish dip at deck 84 and pickles vegetables. All right, here we go. Back to the Chuck Norris. So go to deck 84, go to Bert Maxx is order a cameo from me and Stugots. Follow me on Instagram. If you want to hear something on this podcast, it's Radio Mark Ockman on Instagram. Just DM me. I've got a million DMs since our little mini pod the other day. Bob, do you think your way? Do you think that's normal as you get older, the palette changes because if so, it like not for me, I'm still eating fucking chicken parms, bacon cheeseburgers, omelets with bacon cheese and onions. Like, I'm still eating the same crap I'm always eating, you know? Now, I think your palette changes. I think the things that maybe you didn't find appealing, you do the thing. There's certain things you're just you're like tired of eating. Yeah. 56. I've had this enough. Everything's a fucking hassle. Even eating. Anyway, here's Chuck Norris. So we had mythologized him for months. This was, like you said, appointment listening. There were people

10:31who were looking forward to this. I remember the countdown. Chuck Norris going to be on tomorrow. We had re-imaged the station to call it the Chuck Norris show. Here is the start of the first interview. This is February 17, 2006. You're listening to the Chuck Norris show. Here's Chuck Norris on sports talk 790, that Chuck Norris. All right, so he's on the line with us or I should say Jesus, I started wrong already. We're on the line with Chuck Norris. We're his guests. Our bad Chuck Norris is with us. Hello Chuck. Hello, Dan, I've always wanted to Chuck Norris. So I always want my own radio show and it's now I finally got it. Yeah, I'm sorry that we didn't give it to earlier. You can have the station sir. Don't just don't roundhouse kick us. All right, we've got your list. How about off the balcony? No, no, no, don't roundhouse kick me off the balcony. Where's

11:31that? Okay, I'm sorry. I spoke to you that way Chuck. All right, we've got your favorite 20 facts. Now you you get a kick out of this thing. You've seen all these facts. Yeah, I really do. A lot of the college kids email me. They're you know, they're little Chuck Norris facts and a lot of them are hilarious. I tell you, my wife and I, we used to get a kick out of them. We read them and we just, you know, and a lot of them are really, really funny. Some are a little out there, but a lot of them are very funny. All right, we've got your list of top 20 here. I'd like to get your favorite before we get started with our own nominees here. But contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy. It's a chuck tater ship. I like that one. How does your wife feel about Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile? She knows better than most doesn't she? She laughed at that one too. He's very polite. Yes. We used that laugh in a million things. Of course, that fake laughter. We used it in a lot of things, but here is the screw up that has been played a thousand times since. Wait, so is this the

12:39first interview or the second interview with Chuck Norris? I don't know, but I know that when it comes, I couldn't figure it out, but I know that comes to the Chuck Norris interviews. This is the most memorable part of it. I wanted to get it out of the way early. Okay, go ahead and play it. Tell us. I mean, everyone knows this. All right, we're going to see whether these, any of these here, can crack Chuck Norris's top 10. Now, your favorite involves the Tyrannosaurus Rex. You want to do yours? Yeah, that Chuck Norris was tracing the Tyrannosaurus Rex. The Rex was not chasing the Jeep. Interest the park. Wait a second. I kind of blindsided. No, you were thrown. That's my fault. What it was. Wait a minute. Good to start that way. So, Hawk, there were two interviews. The way I recall this is that was the first interview with Chuck Norris. Dan was very, very nervous. You know this. Dan, a great interviewer, never threw it to me for the first question. And yet this time, he decided, hey, Chuck Norris is on the line. This has

13:43been built up for weeks. He knows it's appointment listening. He's a little bit nervous, and he throws it to me for the first question. And I quite simply was not prepared. Now, I could have handled it better, but I simply wasn't prepared. Play it one more time, real quick, Taylor, because it, I mean, it literally makes no sense. What Stu got says, no. All right, we're going to see whether these, any of these here can crack Chuck Norris's top 10. Now, your favorite involves the Tyrannosaurus Rex. You want to do yours? Yeah, that Chuck Norris was tracing the Tyrannosaurus Rex. The Rex was not chasing the Jeep. Okay, interesting park. Wait a minute. I kind of blind. I didn't know you were thrown. That's my fault. What it was. Wait a minute, deliver that one. Good to start that way. I think it is the first interview. And I think that Dan was, Dan didn't have his notes like in front of them. So instead of just saying, let me see what I have here, which would have been a more casual way to do it. Yes. Those are some of the ones you like. Okay. Now, let me see what I have here. You know, it's that he banked on me for having the first question

14:44in the hell again. Yes. But here, very, very rarely remembered. Dan screws up. I think maybe just as badly as you listen to what he delivers to Chuck Norris here. Chuck Norris and Lance Armstrong had a contest to see who had more testicles. Lance Armstrong lost by five. No, I don't like that one either. Okay. So Chuck Norris is serious. We do not mean to displease you, Mr. Norris. Now listen. Chuck Norris can read Braille. No, no. I haven't heard these. These are new ones for me. Right. So there's a reason he hasn't heard that. Chuck Norris can read Braille. Anybody can read Braille if you try to learn how to read Braille. There's literally nothing badass about that. Every blind person can read Braille and any sighted person can learn to read Braille. So that's not what Dan was supposed to deliver. Yes. Hawk, I am telling you the first interview. So that was Dan's

15:49mistake. I had mine. It went so poorly. It was built up for so long. It went so poorly. The second one and I believe that where that was where the first clip was from. We needed a redo. Dan and I could cleanse our souls. Well, we needed to do this again. And in order for us to feel right about it, we had to have Chuck back and do it the right way. Funny that you say that. We get on the air the next day. The interview went so poorly. I went back in the lab and I created a recap almost a behind the scenes look at what had transpired the day before. I got the big voice on the blower and I'm like, Hey, I need some, I need some narration quickly because I got to turn this around for tomorrow. The next day's show, we do a recap of just how poorly because remember, we had all South Florida ready for this. The only people who weren't ready for it were you and Dan. That's right. Yeah. I mean, really, Dan. I mean, yeah. So here is the not the following day. Here's the behind the scenes of what had just transpired.

16:51Never has an interview been as highly anticipated as the Chuck Norris appearance on the Dan Laboratory show. After weeks of Chuck Norris facts, Chuck Norris jokes and Chuck Norris talk. The man, the legend finally appeared on the Dan Laboratory show. And it was brutal. Rather than the angry tough bearded Chuck Norris, we were expecting. We instead got a pleasant watered down version of Walker Texas Ranger. He was too agreeable. Geico saved a bunch of money by cancelling Chuck Norris. That's, uh, yeah, that's a Geico commercial. Yeah. The Chuck Norris interview went poorly from the beginning. A funny Chuck Norris fact would have been Chuck Norris speaks Braille. Unfortunately, Dan mangled the joke. Chuck Norris can read Braille. Rather than tell Dan how unfunny and stupid that Chuck Norris fact was, well, Norris could manage was a weak pathetic condescending laugh.

17:56And the laugh was brilliant. Anyway, that's fucking imaging right there. A little behind the scenes of what happened. Chuck Norris can read Braille. I think is worse than the Jeep was chasing the DRX or whatever. So what I was trying to say. Here is Chuck Norris. We made Chuck Norris rejoins after and during, I mean, we were so into Chuck Norris. Here's one of them. Dan Levittsard. Chuck Norris can read Braille. Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris was chasing the Tyrannosaurus Rex. The Rex was not chasing the Jeep. He is Dan Levittsard and Stuga since Worcester 790 that tick is. I may have elongated your question. He is saying to purposes.

19:01Creative editing. Here's another Chuck Norris rejoin we made. You're listening to the Dan Levittsard show. Just wanted you to know that I, the big voice, I'm not afraid of Chuck Norris. I meant to say Chuck Norris makes me wet myself. Here's Dan Levittsard and Stuga since Worcester 790 that Chuck Norris. If you remember, the first segment that I played where it was the start of the first interview and he says, maybe I'll roundhouse kick you off the balcony. That comes from the drops. So remember, we get Chuck Norris on the phone. We're in a commercial break. So we've got four or five minutes. I'm going to get Chuck Norris to record drops or the radio show. Hey, this is Chuck Norris. You're listening to the Chuck Norris show or hey, this is Chuck Norris. You're listening to the Dan Levittsard show with Stuga and if Dan misbehaves, I might roundhouse kick him off the balcony.

20:03I had written some for him and I just couldn't get him to do what I wrote. You don't hear my portion of the conversation. You can hear him listening to me though, but here's behind the scenes of me trying to get Chuck Norris to record some drops for the show. Hi, this is Chuck Norris and I like the roundhouse kick Dan Levittard off the balcony. Dan Levittard, okay. This is Chuck Norris and I like to kick Dan Levittard off the balcony. Oh, Jesus. Okay. This is Chuck Norris and you're not listening to the Dan Levittard show. You're listening to the Chuck Norris show. Oh, I'm not going to say that. Talking about me or Dan. I don't think anyone would say that. I don't think they talk about me enough. Hi, this is Chuck Norris and Dan Levittard, okay. This is Chuck Norris and Dan Levittard

21:06needs to talk more about me on his show. Yeah, I mean, that coachable. I mean, he's not in the work very well. He was uncodable. Yeah, not in the work very well. He didn't share the same sense of humor that we did. In fact, here that we, I'll get to it in a second because we ended up suing him once because he just droned on and on. It was kind of boring most of the time. Uh-huh. Will you ever uneasy with, you know, a guest would call in just expecting to do an interview with then all of a sudden you're asking him to do a ton of drops for the show. Did that ever get uncomfortable for you? You were fine with it. Try to read them out, right? And if it looked like somebody was on a media tour and they had a couple minutes and they weren't interested, I probably wouldn't even ask him, or I would just ask him, give me a standard. Hey, this is, you know, whatever. Chris Burman, you're listening to Dan Levittard show. Um, Norris was specifically doing an interview for us. He wasn't on a media tour. Yeah. Now, he was at the end of an interview that we did in November. In November, he was coming to Miami for some mixed martial arts event.

22:10And he ended up dropping an amazing revelation. It turned into a sui award for amazing revelation. I don't know if he won that year or not, but he was nominated. But this clip from his interview with us later that year in November, where he drops a pretty amazing revelation. Chuck, thank you so much for joining us again. World Combat League James L. Night Center. We've been promoting it like crazy. World Combat League James L. Night Center tomorrow night. You'll be there, Chuck. No, actually, I just got back from Iraq and I got pneumonia. What? Yeah, like in a week in Iraq and I went over and I did a tour over there, went to 11 different bases over there for a week and all the way from Kuwait to all the side, Dima, Rurawa, Al-Qaim, Palluja, Ramadi, and I was over there thinking about 18 hours a day, shaking hands and taking pictures with the troops. Over the week I did shook hands and... Why weren't you there fighting? Like, we need you over there. Go fix it over there. That's what they said over there. They said

23:12now we can go home now. You're here. We'll shut this thing over. The death's over there. It's a death-let area and it's all commuting from one location to the other. I got dust in my lungs and it infected me and I've got pneumonia in my left lung. So the doctor won't let me fly. Wimp. Oh yeah, right. Wait, wait till I get down there. I'm coming, I'm coming. Dan, is that you Dan said that? No, it was too good. No, it wasn't. It was, it was hot. Amazing revelation though. Hey, you coming down for the fight? No, it was just back from Iraq. I got pneumonia. The war's still going on. The war didn't pick up again till Chuck Norris passed. Everybody was a little nervous to get involved again. Oh, Norris is gone. All right. Here's one more clip from our Chuck Norris

24:17archives. This is when he got Sui down the show for just droning on and on and on. Because I added a lot of factual material into the civil war. And then also something you probably don't know, Dan and John, is that at the end, there's a Abraham Lincoln was assassinated that same week. And so he got all the news and the full panel became a back page story. But it's actual, that's an actual historical fact. Chuck Norris joins us on 790. What was the second set? I can't remember. I can't remember. We all know the first sound. That was a Sui. That was a, you know, communication between us and the audience to know this isn't going very well. I mean, the second one was like an ooo. It was another sound that I was using. I was just trying to dress up an awful interview. I remember there being another awful interview. And they're, they're both have passed away. So I don't feel good about sharing these stories. But Chuck Norris was awful because he was boring. Do you remember Suzanne Summers coming on?

25:21And all she wanted to talk about was health food and healthy eating and just could never get into the vibe of the show. We ended up suing her several times during the interview. Yeah, we were just as excited, right? Because she was a big star for us growing up. I think she was in three's company, right? Yeah. She was selling the thigh master. That's what she was selling. That's what we had her on for. Listen to Chuck Norris get Sui again because it caught Dan off guard a little bit. And then he lost it like he started to laugh when he tried to reset the interview. Because I added a lot of factual material into the Civil War. And then also something probably you don't know Dan and John is that at the end, there's a Abraham Lincoln was assassinated that same week. And so he got all the news and the full panel became a back page story. But it's actual that's actually historical fact. Chuck Norris joined joins us on 790 the ticket. So I think what Dan is laughing at is the Sui. Ooh. Yeah, the combination, right? Because I

26:24knew them right before Dan was going to reset the interview. He had plenty of time to get over the Sui because he would laugh at those occasionally. So would I when they were dropped in? But the ooh was something was not expected. Yes. I drop a Sui. And then you guys would look behind the glass and me and Roy and Mike Ryan. We'd be cracking up back there because you know, you got it. We want to time the Sui at the right way. Because I actually I actually threw off Chuck Norris there a little bit like he got a little startled by it and lost his train of thought as well. There were times during interviews where Dan and I thought it was going poorly. You thought it was going well. We would ask you to Sui the gas. They would be an argument through the glass. No, this is fine. Like, no, what do you guys? Dan would be like, no, Sui, Sui. No, it was such a good. It was such a great idea to create a sound that we would play as communication to the audience. I think it was Dan's idea. That was Dan's idea. That was the most brilliant thing that we did at the beginning of the show to endear an audience to us.

27:24Because it was like, hey, we're not performing for you. We're all performing together. We're in it together. We're all in this community. And when we bring someone in like Chuck Norris, while we're all excited as a community, if it's bad, we all kind of wink at each other together by dropping a Sui. Yes. Without telling the guests that he's being dreadful on the air. It was such a, it was such a great device, but also a device that would sometimes make me and Dan laugh, and we couldn't carry on with the interview. Let's do some nicknames here to end today's pod. We've got a podcast coming up with Stu Gotts and Hawk with Steven Segal. That is coming up soon. So make sure you're listening to that. Don't forget to go to Deck 84 and Burton Max's in Delray Beach. And if you want a cameo from me and Stu Gotts, go to cameo, search up Mark Hockman. Can I owe you a few or what's going on here? We're kind of up to date. I had people read books.

28:29Okay. All right. Good. Thank you. Stu Gotts has to give me the nickname of three athletes to end the podcast. Okay. Are you a soccer guy at all? Will I stump you if I say Tim Howard? He was the goalkeeper for Team USA. Yeah. Been hearing about this US soccer. I mean, since the 80s growth. Yeah. Cosmos, Howard, Donovan. I mean, we suck at soccer. I think a, a cabinet position maybe. Yeah. Yeah. Cabinet position. Yeah. Secretary of defense, which is now secretary. Why? I mean, he played going, no one fucking scores in that sport. He just sits there. He doesn't do anything. It's not like anyone's attacking him. I mean, Jesus. Evander Holyfield. Real deal. Real deal. How about Yvonne Rodriguez? Pudge. Need one more to end the podcast.

29:34Oh, God. Tim Howard. Secretary of defense. Get the fuck out of here. I mean, Jesus. Who's the best defender in NBA history? A lockdown defender. Was it Robin? Was it Jordan? That should be the secretary of defense. Mariano Rivera. Mo Samman. Sandman. Yeah. I wasn't going to give you Mo. I'll give you. But no, Taylor's a Yankee fan. I think Mo counts. Does it not? No, no. Got to be the same, man. He got him both, but I think that would have been a case where either one is acceptable. But he's walking around the Bronx, okay? Mariano Rivera. When he's walking around the Bronx, walking to the stadium, Jeeter's done that a few times. What do you think people are calling out? You think they're saying, hey, Sandman or you think they're just going, Mo. Right. Points to guts. That's true. Mo's easier. And then Jeeter walking around and yelling people are yelling Jeets. Yeah. Captain. Yes. Jeets. Jeets. All right. We'll see you on the next one. The next with Stu Gottson Hawkman. Secretary of Defense, my ass. I mean, Jesus.

30:36With Stu Gottson Hawkman,