What Are Beige Flags?  And Why Anyone Dating Or In A Relationship Should Pay Attention To Them!

0:00This is an I Heart Podcast. Guaranteed Human. This message is sponsored by Regeneron and Santa Fe. Janikramer does not have direct experience with the product advertised. As the mother of a child who has eczema, I know how hard it is to watch your child struggle. It's frustrating trying everything from home remedies to topical prescription creams. But when you're a mom, you never stop trying. If you feel like your child's moderate to severe eczema is an under control with topical prescription therapies, it could be time to ask their doctor about DuPixant DuPillumab. DuPixant works inside the body helping to block a key source of inflammation that can cause eczema flare-ups on the outside. DuPixant helps your child stay ahead of their eczema symptoms with clear skin and less itch, and it's not a steroid or immunosuppressant. DuPixant can be used for children as young as six months. Severe allergic reactions, including skin reactions can occur. Get help right away for face, mouth, tongue, or throat swelling, weezing or trouble breathing.

1:00Tell your doctor right away of new or worsening eye problems like eye pain or vision changes, skin symptoms, joint aches, and pain, or a parasitic infection. Don't change or stop other treatments without talking to your doctor. Visit DuPixant.com to learn more. We manage work, kids, appointments, bills, basically we keep everything moving. So if someone steals our identity, the last thing we need is another full-time job, filling out forms and chasing down accounts. I mean, it can take months to restore ID theft on your own. So what can you do? You get life lock. Life lock's restoration specialists will do the hard work for you, because life lock truly protects your time, your name, and your identity. Get life lock at lifelock.com and use promo code Amy for up to 30% off your first year. That's life lock.com code Amy. This message is brought to you by Ralph's. If you're into entertainment podcasts, you know it's all about the details that pull you in

2:03and keep you engaged. The right details make everything feel seamless. So when you're thinking about dinner earlier in the day, Ralph's helps you stay on top of the details, with simple options to keep everything moving without missing a step. Order online and pick up groceries at your local Ralph's. This is Tamara Judge and Teddy Melon Camp from Two Teas in a Pod. There's a moment before anyone says it out loud, the room just feels different. I've been thinking about that lately, and for me, that's what Pura is really about. Not just adding fragrance to a space, but shaping how a room feels is second you walk into it. Pura is a smart home fragrance diffuser, but the smart part isn't really about the tech. It's about what it does to a room. I can choose from hundreds of premium fragrances from brands I already love than set the scent, intensity, and schedule right from my phone. The space responds to me, not the other way around.

3:05And honestly, the diffuser itself looks like something you'd intentionally put on a shelf. It's a modern design object that happens to change the atmosphere of your home. If you're thoughtful about how your space feels, take a look at Pura. Choose your sense of place at pura.com. That's pura.com. Toyota's easy choice sales event is on. Whether you're looking for the performance of a camera, the versatility of a RAV4, the efficiency of a Corolla, or all electric driving in the BZ. There's a Toyota that's just right for you. And with great deals across the lineup, now's the time to find yours. But hurry, these deals won't last long. Toyota's easy choice sales event and soon. We make it easy. Toyota, let's go places.

4:06Hey, that folks. It is Saturday, September 12th. And sure, we all know it. Red flags are in a relationship. Hell, we even learned recently what a green flag is. I don't know what a beige flag is. And with that, welcome to this relationship Saturday episode of Amy and TJ. Where we often all learn this together. Robes has brought something to me now. Once again, I'm not familiar with, but there's a red flag. There's a green flag and a beige flag. Yes, now people are talking about beige flags. And they're wondering what they should do with them. But we should probably begin with describing what they are. Right? I don't really have a hint. Red means stop, bringing go beige, beige flag in a relationship. I don't know. Okay, so they are described as the quirky, unusual, maybe even boring traits that you notice in someone. And you don't know if they're good or they're bad. And unlike red flags, which signal danger,

5:08like you pointed out, like abort, abort, or green flags, which tell you this is a good, mate, go for it. These don't necessarily tell you they're a great partner, but they tell you that you should get curious and ask yourself what they make you feel. Can I give you some examples of what some beige flags might be? I definitely want, but it's not good or bad. You're supposed to determine if it's good or bad. I don't know if I understand you. So first of all, they were described as, this is just a moment where you need everyone's hyper and over analyzing everyone else. And look, I even hear this from Eva. We had a conversation. She's going on dates and she said, I think I'm just too picky. I do think this is part of the conversation where people start to assign value, worth, or some sort of action that needs to be taken based on everything someone else does. So we're over analyzing each other. We're holding each other up to a standard

6:10that becomes almost impossible to actually settle in on a partner, feel comfortable with them and embrace all their quirks. You make it to sound to me like this is all in not the person we're dating, but in our own mind. Correct. Oh, okay. No, no, no, with the nerve. No, with the nerve. Ding, ding, ding, ding. And so this is kind of a moment where we've got all the yellow flags, red flags, green flags, beige flags. And I think the point is we all need to calm down. That's part of this conversation. And the term is caught on because people are getting burned out from all the flag culture. That is where it is important to put this beige flag concept in the perspective of everybody is burned out from labeling everyone. Does that make sense? Okay, there was, I was about to ask my, I raised my hand about flag culture. This idea that we don't know how to date anymore. Exactly. We don't just know how to have basic human interaction

7:11and we almost have a sheet here. We're supposed to check this person's this or that. Are they showed up this way or that way? Wow, a flag culture. I never, that's, that's sad. Yes. And so the point of this is basically here's the headline. Stop turning every small habit. You see in someone else into a referendum on your relationship or a referendum on even the possibility of a relationship. Okay, you said you had examples though. I need to hear this. Yes, yes. Okay, so here's some beige flag examples that they give. And we could actually, I actually, it made me think of what hours are that we started to learn about each other when we got into a relationship. But some of them are, you just laughed. You know, when you said to me, by the way, when we first started dating, you said, wow, I hope all these quirky little things that you do remain cute to me. Because when they stop being cute, we might be in trouble. So we first started dating. I thought that's like a weekly saying I have for you.

8:13I just remember you saying that early on in our romantic relationship. Because it's one thing to see it in a friend. It's another thing to see it in a romantic partner. That is true. So, okay, here are some of the beige flag examples that they give. Talking to yourself. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. If someone talks. Yep. Just constantly talks to themselves. People might be like, what the hell is that person doing? That would be one of my beige flags. Oh, that might be red for me. Because that suggests we'll all kinds of things. Well, you asked me all the time. Are you speaking to me or are you just talking to yourself? I think talking to yourself is different from just talking like your thoughts out loud. Well, yeah, that's what we're talking about. Well, some people talk to themselves. It's different, baby. Well, and I would go so far as to say, talking about yourself in third person. Now, that's a full on red flag for me. Okay, I do that often. Like, TJ, you idiot. I do that. You hear me do that often. But you don't use it in a narcissistic way. Like, TJ thinks that he's hungry.

9:14TJ, strong. Yes, we're not talking about that. All right, here's another one. Red beige flag examples, excuse me, keeping 40 tabs open on their computer. Is that a beige flag? It's a quirk and it can bother people. Sometimes when people look, I've had people complain about the number of messages, unred messages that people will see in their partner's phone and how irritating that is to them. They have like 5,000 unred messages. Yes. So that's a beige flag. Okay. Well, you just named two, two out of the three. I got them. Eating the same breakfast every morning. I do that too. Actually, I do mix it up. Sorry, sorry. Sometimes you do. I'm quoting movie lines during serious conversations. That's all day long. So in my notes, I wrote, ha, ha, ha, ha, TJ. Because sometimes you say, that's doing a serious conversation. Oh, no, sometimes you will. And I kind of take a venture like, babe, that was actually from a movie. And then you will tell me who said it and what movie it was in. So I don't get further upset. That's only, oh my goodness.

10:15Okay. I will obviously, these are all, I do all of your single one of these. I'm keeping a detailed spreadsheet sheet ranking every restaurant they've visited. Okay. No, no, no, but you have it in your mind. I have what? A spreadsheet of the service, the food, whether or not we can go back. We go to five. That's true. That's true. Okay. Here's one of my beige flags because you'll laugh when I say this one, telling the same five stories at every social gathering. Everybody does that. You know, who's the worst at you? Worst at that Chuck? You've heard them now. You haven't even known them that long. You heard the same stories. Oh my God. All right. Refusing to use GPS because they know a better way. That's neither one of us do that. Okay. That's just a warning for every woman dating a man. Exactly. Whistling while they walk. Really? Yeah, that can be like what? It seems strange. You whistle around the house with a vibrato, which I actually think is cute.

11:16But I often do that to soothe. To call myself down to get a tomb going. But if I'm out walking and whistling, I made it in America. Who in the hell has time to just take a walk and start whistling? Nobody. All right. Owning and unusual amount of clothing in the same color. And basically it's defined solely as behaviors you notice and find weird. I will tell you some of the things I noticed about you when we first started dating. That I would absolutely describe as beige flags. Because I had to say, wow. Okay, this isn't something I'm used to. Going to be Thanksgiving in here somewhere. Well, I was going to go with your die heart obsession. That's what I mean. Thanksgiving. Yes. I thought that was what you were referencing. Yes. On the wise of big deal. That was a little strange to me. I only, the 10 months out of the year, I've never watched die heart. It remains strange to me. I do. You want to tell the exact quirky habit you have? Oh my goodness. Starting on Thanksgiving day.

12:16Die hard. Yes. Bruce Willis 1988. That movie, which is obviously one of my favorites plays in the house. Where I am no matter where I am. 24 seven through the January. And like we leave the house and one of the TVs has to remain on with die heart on it. In fact, you have a DVD player or right. And it just is on a loop. And it just plays die her. So even if we turn off other TVs, you'll know at least there's one TV dedicated to the die hard loop. Yes, that is a. It's a beige flag. It's a bit when you're looking for something. But why is that a beige flag? We all have our things. It's so weird. And then the TV on while you're sleeping. It's sometimes it feels like a red flag, but it's a beige flag. It's just you need that to suit yourself. And so I have learned to adapt. But you know what the funny thing? Die hard. I always thought you might mention the other thing. I always have the iPad and the bathroom usually archers on. Right? That's your other. I have another that there's a couple things. Of course. But you know what, Roe, I did, oh, he man.

13:18I had he man playing the other day. The old come on. And I also have the DVD set of every single he man cartoon that's ever been made. I have it. You know what Roeves? You know this about me is the cleaning thing too. I don't eat for comfort when I'm struggling. Like some people might do. I'm looking for comforts. He man makes me comfortable. Die hard. Makes me comfortable. These are things. Really they do, baby. It's the same. Maybe you would compare to somebody who was struggling or depressed or whatever. And they turn to food because it's their emotion. Those are the things you see me sometimes put on a Latin. When you see these things around. I know you're not doing well. DJ is trying to do it. When I saw he man, I was like, oh, wow, he is going back to like his childhood binky at this point. Like he's not doing well. He needs to be comforted. Those things suit me. I calm. I don't lash out. I'm not yelling and screaming. And all this. I soothed. So yes, that's a. Okay. Maybe they're red flags. No, they're they're beige flags. Yeah. And it's just one of those things. Everybody's got them. Everybody's got them. All right. What are my beige flags? I was going to say is it wearing my red light mask?

14:20No. Well, I wouldn't. I don't know. I never put them in that kind of category. A beige flag, a weird thing, a quirky thing. Some of it's just cultural. Some of it's your background. Some of it. I never I mean things you do. I don't know if there's some quirky thing. If you play candy crush. Yeah. You okay? So. I like to play Super Mario Brothers. We have a game machine at that. Like I don't know. It's it's different. It's quirky. I never say, I'm going to watch out because I don't like that. It's just a quirky unusual behavior. But you said it abaged means it needs to be put through some kind of. You have to give it some kind of scrutiny. It stands out. And then you have to decide, wait, is this going to bother me enough where I'm going to judge this person by that behavior or stop a relationship because of that behavior? And so yes, I do like the idea that this whole concept is being talked about and being described because it's it should be an opportunity for us to actually take a step back and say, yeah, we're all unique human beings who have quirks.

15:24And it and this is the big thing. I thought this was so interesting. Relationship experts say. Think about how you regard someone's quirkiness, someone's unusual behavior. Sure, someone who does something that you don't understand or that you've never seen before. It tells us less about the person we're observing. And it tells us more about our reaction to them. And so this should be a signal to actually reflect about why you're feeling the way we're feeling. So when we come back, we're going to tell you how you should treat, according to the experts, beige flags in your relationship and how you can turn those beige flags into green flags. This message is sponsored by Regeneron and Santa Fe. Janik Kramer does not have direct experience with the product advertised. As the mother of a child who has eczema, I know how hard it is to watch your child struggle. It's frustrating trying everything from home remedies to topical prescription creams. But when you're a mom, you never stop trying.

16:25If you feel like your child's moderate to severe eczema is an under control with topical prescription therapies, it could be time to ask their doctor about do Pixen do Pylumab? Do Pixen works inside the body helping to block a key source of inflammation that can cause eczema flare-ups on the outside? Do Pixen helps your child stay ahead of their eczema symptoms with clear skin and less itch and it's not a steroid or immunosuppressant? Do Pixen can be used for children as young as six months? Severe allergic reactions, including skin reactions can occur. Get help right away for face, mouth, tongue, or throat swelling, weezing or trouble breathing. Tell your doctor right away of new or worsening eye problems like eye pain or vision changes, skin symptoms, joint aches, and pain, or a parasitic infection. Don't change or stop other treatments without talking to your doctor. Visit dopixen.com to learn more. We manage work, kids, appointments, bills, basically we keep everything moving. So if someone steals our identity, the last thing we need is another full-time job,

17:30filling out forms and chasing down accounts. I mean, it can take months to restore ID theft on your own. So what can you do? You get life lock. Life lock's restoration specialists will do the hard work for you, because life lock truly protects your time, your name, and your identity. Get life lock at lifelock.com and use promo code Amy for up to 30% off your first year. That's life lock.com code Amy. This is Tamara Judge and Teddy Melanchamp from Two Teas in a Pod.

18:31There's a moment before anyone says it out loud, the room just feels different. I've been thinking about that lately, and for me, that's what pura is really about. Not just adding fragrance to a space, but shaping how a room feels is second you walk into it. Pura is a smart home fragrance diffuser, but the smart part isn't really about the tech. It's about what it does to a room. I can choose from hundreds of premium fragrances from brands I already love than set the scent, intensity, and schedule right from my phone. The space responds to me, not the other way around. And honestly, the diffuser itself looks like something you'd intentionally put on a shelf. It's a modern design object that happens to change the atmosphere of your home. If you're thoughtful about how your space feels, take a look at pura. Choose your sense of place at pura.com. That's pura.com. These days, there are more people than ever telling you how to manage your health. And we've all gone down an internet rabbit hole exploring the latest health trends.

19:36Your social media feed is packed with wellness advice telling you to cold plunge, protein max, detox, track your sleep. But what's actually real? What's exaggerated? What's just wrong? That's exactly what health versus hype from the American Medical Association and I Heart Media's Ruby Studio is here to find out. Each episode, Emmy-nominated science communicator Trace Dominguez, who's racked up billions of views across PBS, Discovery Channel, and YouTube, talks to health influencers, real people, and most importantly, doctors, to separate fact from fiction. Because when it comes to your health, who you listen to matters, listen to health versus hype on the iHeart Radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome back, everyone to another edition of our Relationship Saturday. These are fun. We like

20:38having these conversations because you learn something and I think it's actually just fun to have these conversations with the person you're dating or even just thinking about it, reflecting on some of these topics as you're looking for your person. I have a question. Can a beige lag? Are we looking at these things because we actually have a problem with that person? We're questioning the relationship, not necessarily some quirky behavior. Is that the part of this? So relationship experts are saying that because of the way we are dating now and the way we are in relationships, I think with social media, all sorts of these chat rooms and forums, Reddit, you can kind of crowdsource what should I think about this? And no one's actually just doing some self-reflection and actually asking themselves, why does this stand out to me? Why is this bothering me? Or why is this sparking something in me? And so they said just remember, dating is not supposed to be, or it's not supposed to feel like a background check. And it's become so focused on categorizing people. We label everyone. We vet people.

21:41And we start to treat every single cork, or maybe you even could call it a human imperfection as evidence that, oh, they're not compatible with me. And it's almost like we're looking for an excuse to get out of a relationship or to not even get into one because it's scary. And we have to be vulnerable and we have to compromise and we have to expand our heads and our hearts. And that is uncomfortable sometimes. And so instead of being willing to do that, we just say, oh, see, that means we're not compatible because I would never do that. And that's so weird that he or she is doing that. So I'm out or I won't even start. And that is the caution here. It makes sense. So they say a better question instead of asking like, why does he do that? Or why is she at behaving like that? You should actually ask yourself, how does this person consistently make me feel? Do I feel safe? Do I feel seen? Do I feel valued? That tells you way more about that person than whether or not they have some weird collection of spoons in their house, you know, whatever it is that

22:42people do. People collect strange things. I've had a friend who was dating a guy who she was really kind of into. He brought her over to her apartment. I'll tell you what is afterwards. And she saw he had, if this person's listening, they will know who they are. He had like a, and he was well off and had a great job, but a wild collection of like race like hot cars. What do they call it? Hot wheels. And he had them like all over his apartment and like had them encased. And she was like, yeah, this is just too weird for me. I'm out. She thought it made, it made him seem juvenile. It made him seem like a little boy. And she just was immediately turned off. Okay. Take the cars out of it. Did he act like a little boy? No. She didn't like that he was a weird collector of hot wheels. No, no, he was a normal guy who collected hot wheels. Like, and then I look at that as wow, he has a passion that even in his older, he's still holding on to those things. I say that about you all the time. The best things about you is you still act

23:43like a little kid at time and get excited about things. Like you will see joy in adults like that. I can like kids. That's, and that's, that's too bad. The hot wheels guy. I know. I don't know, but I mean, maybe that was there were other things and that was just the final straw, but would you tell us the story? It's funny, but yes, people love telling the story of why they couldn't date someone or why they got out of a relationship. But this is the, this is the headline. And this is how they're gonna say you start to turn first acknowledge their beige flags. They're they're not affecting you. They don't mean they're this person's bad or undatable or incompatible with you. It's just different than you. And so real relationships remember are built not by finding someone who doesn't have strange habits. Every single person on the planet has a strange habit to someone else. It might not feel strange to you, but it's strange to everyone else. And beige flags are actually what make someone uniquely them. So if you can start to look at this person.

24:47So I see the fact that you've got he man on or die hard on. And instead of going that's so weird. Like what is that? You could say, wow, that's so sweet that he's connected to this part of his youth that brings him a feeling of safety and comfort. And that's super sweet. Like I love that about him. That's unique to him. And it's part of the reason why I love him because it's a complete or fuller version of him. And so if his vulnerabilities, I think that's actually, and if you can actually look at it from that vantage point. And I think you've said that about some of my quirks. Like I hope I still keep thinking all the little things you do are cute because if that's how you can look at through that, like that is what makes that person unique. Yeah, it's, I mean, I guess, Rob, some people find out about these flags later. And is that the, no, you're talking about some people finding these early on. While they're dating, maybe when you move in with someone, you see, wow, they do their squats while they're brushing their teeth.

25:48That's weird. But instead of saying that, they say some of those things that seems strange, or maybe even mildly annoying at first, if you can actually view them through the lens of yes, this is what makes them special. They say eventually those are the very things. 20 years down the road that you actually might find most endearing about them. I love that. And sometimes so much of relationships and so much of the world is how we choose to see them. And we can change how we view things. We can decide to see them through a different lens. Instead of one of annoyance, think about it like, wow, that's so cute or that's so sweet or that's so special. And no one else in the world does that, but them. It's too bad. It's hard to do when you're first meeting to buy, right? It just is. You could grow up. You could pull out any weird habit now. And I'm like, oh, it's my girl. I mean, but when you get to know somebody over time, you care about that person over time. And you know that person's going to be in your life. Then when things start to show up, they're not deal-breakers because you have a foundation that you've established that this is a good

26:51person and I care about them. And we hit it off and not at all. Yeah, at the beginning, these are just excuses. You always say, babe, nobody wants to, you're always trying to protect yourself. You don't want to get hurt. So let me bail and use this as an excuse before that person finds out about my weird shit and dump me. Exactly. And look, I love this final line. One of the relationship experts said this, it's important to remember you are never going to love every single thing about your partner. Period. And just accept that and then lean into the quirks. Those are rules. It was an 80-20 rule or something for a little while. Like you can, they got 80% of what you love and 20% of what you hate. Congratulations. Marry that person. I love that. So let your beige flag lie everyone and with that, we always appreciate you listening to us. I'm Amy Robock, alongside DJ Holmes. We'll talk soon. We manage work, kids, appointments, bills, basically we keep everything moving. So if someone steals

28:04our identity, the last thing we need is another full-time job, filling out forms and chasing down accounts. I mean, it can take months to restore ID theft on your own. So what can you do? You get life lock. Life locks, restoration specialists will do the hard work for you because life lock truly protects your time, your name and your identity. Get life lock at lifelock.com and use promo code Amy for up to 30% off your first year. That's life lock.com code Amy. Hey DJ, I have something that might get your attention. Well, just saying that, obviously you got my attention. All right, hero bread has a new collab, a twist of anti-ans hero bread pretzel bites with 16 grams of protein a serving. Stop anti-ans pretzel bites 16 grams of protein. Okay. Yes, you have my attention now. And that's not all heroes. Breakfast bagels have up to 19 grams of protein and they also make slice bread, tortillas, buns and noodles. So let me get to his right. Hero has found a way to rethink a lot

29:08of the carbs people were already in love with. That's right. Exactly. Protein fiber and zero to five grams of net carbs without giving up the foods you actually want to eat. Sounds like a pretty easy swap. It is. So check it out at h-e-r-o dot-c-o that's hero dot-c-o and use code Amy for 10% off your order. All figures per serving of hero bread. See nutrition info on hero dot co. This is Tamara Judge and Teddy Melon camp from Two Tees in a Pod. There's a moment just before your guest arrive when your home stops being a series of rooms and becomes an atmosphere. The light settles, the air shifts, cedar, fig, and warm and considered moving through each space. Your favorite scent. That's what pure does. It turns fragrance into environment, environment into intention, a collection of beautiful, clean fragrances, all controlled from your phone. Choose your sense of place at pure dot com. We know kids don't hold back. I wouldn't want them

30:13to get in there. Make a mess. Slide your home. Bring on the stains. I've got oxyclean versatile stain remover. It works on over a hundred stains and it's America's never one stain but are added a brand. It's color safe and chlorine free. So I use it on lights, colors, and art fabrics. An oxyclean isn't just for laundry. Mix it with water for use all around the house, kitchen, bathrooms, and even floors. When my kids go all in, I say go for it because I've got oxyclean to get the stains out. It's not clean unless it's oxyclean. Did you know every 36 minutes a child in the US is diagnosed with cancer, which means some of the bravest warriors you'll ever meet aren't professional athletes or superheroes. They're the kids in this fight. That's why I'm proud to support Hyundai Hope on Wheels. For the past 28 years with support from Hyundai, their dealers, and every new Hyundai sold, Hope on Wheels has contributed over $300 million to childhood cancer research, helping save more than 40,000 kids. But we're not done yet. Let's bring every warrior home. Join our fight at HyundaiWoyers.com. This is an I Heart Podcast. Guaranteed Human.