We'll Just Refer to Them As...the K-O-F.

0:00This is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed Human. For Jack's sake, we'll just refer to him as the KOF. It's one more thing. I'm strong and getty. One more thing. Dr. Michael Levitt, a gastroenterologist, became known as the King of Farts. That can be the topic of the podcast. Do I have to participate in this? You really don't, if you don't want to. Because, evidently, you have no interest in science. This is from a brand new book that's been written by another gastroenterologist. Tricia Pesricha. Pesricha? Tricia? Sorry if I got your name wrong, Tricia. The title of the book is you've been pooping all wrong. But this section of the book also concerns the art of gastroenterology, Jack, specifically flatulence.

1:02Hard, fart, primary. That's there's no need for foolishness, Michael. Again, this is a discussion of science. She writes, and she is a she, Jack. Science has finally settled the age-old debate of whose... Oh, you know what? It's funny. I've come to the brink. I've come to the high dive, and I don't want to jump off. Because it's so, it sounds so childish and base. Yes. Yes, it does. That's my point. Yeah, I thought you were all... Oh, it's science. I know, well, I climbed the steps to the high dive with great verve and confidence. And I got out there and thought, nope. Well, you can do it. I believe in you. What are you? Maybe a GPT now. If you give me a few minutes, I could go down to the grade school and get an eight-year-old and they could come and do this. Because that's who would appreciate it. I'll use fancy words because it makes me feel better.

2:04Science has finally settled the age-old debate of whose flatulence is more objectionable, men or women. Oh, my God. It's even worse than I thought. Oh, science. It's just getting started. That's right. Science is right. It's the first sentence, Jack. It'll be all right. So, anyway, I mentioned Dr. Michael Levitt. It actually gets more interesting and less childish from there. So, Levitt, one day while a gastroenterology fellow was called into his advisor's office and introduced to a new laboratory instrument, the gas chromatograph. And this thing is actually used in many applications that analyzes gas content in soil. It's used in crime scene investigations. But, of course, to two gastroenterologists, it was clear that someone should use it to gain a better understanding of the most pressing of scientific needs, and that would be indeed farting. And so, an illustrious career was born. Levitt eventually published over 300 original scientific works. Has won every prestigious award of the American Gastroenterological Association.

3:09He helped develop spacesuits, filtered with activated charcoal to prevent astronauts from having to inhale their own flatus during a spacewalk. Hmm. I'm sure the, as we speak these words, the fellas and gal up in space and the Artemis Tumishner enjoying his technology right now. That's the best system we had prior was you just kind of have to like, tuten your own helmet. Well, yeah, essentially. God. Yeah. We go to the George Carlin bit on this topic. See you go full Dutch oven in your space suit. And now, thanks to this science, Jack, they don't have to tuten their own helmets. Well, and quite literally, who smelt it, dealt it. An impressive sense. Spacewalks. Oh, wow. He's trying so hard. So then actually, this lady gastroenterologist, this sentence is pretty funny.

4:11But it was one particular study that put the gender debate to rest. And it is a study I return to often, both in my clinic and at dinner parties, where I have on occasion misjudged the room. Oh, so this Levitts character invited 16 healthy men and women to consume items that boost gas production, specifically Pinto beans on a synthetic sugar called Lactulose. Now, was that a factor in the legendary sugar-free gummy bear review that was posted to was at Amazon? The first time. Haribo. Haribo. Yeah, gummy bears. The first time I read that and it spawned many attempts at imitation. And you people should be ashamed of yourselves. Quit painting faux Mona Lisa's. I had tears streaming down my cheeks. The first time I read that review. It's brilliantly written. And it had to do with the just spectacular gastrointestinal effects of wolfing down way too much Lactulose.

5:18See you in hell. Haribo. Sugar-free gummy bears. That's it. Yes. Yeah. Oh, the descriptions are. It's some of the best humor I think that's ever been written in the English language. Yeah. Anyway. But just I'd say, you know, being it or whatever, but you don't want to find an imitation. Participants. Okay. So they fed the men and women, the Pinto beans and Lactulose. Participants. And listen to this. I used to, as long time listeners know, I would earn five bucks the hard way. Going to college, I would make myself the subject of psychology department experiments. Which were always actually pretty interesting. It is an hour of my time and at the time it was decent enough money. It might have been ten bucks. I don't know. So participants were fed the beans and Lactulose, then they showed up to the laboratory where a rectal tube was inserted and made a gas tight seal with their derriers. Oh, okay.

6:18The tube was then connected to a gas impermeable bag and after releasing what they must, its contents were subsequently evaluated by chromatography. But it gets better. The flattus collected in these bags was then sniffed and rated by two independent judges. Who signed up for that? Yeah. Oh my God. Listen to Jackie is suffering. Oh, that's so awful. Where they were judged on a linear scale where zero was no odor and eight was very offensive. Ungressive scent. Worth mentioning in the year 2003 popular science ranked Levitt's flattus odor judging as the worst job in science. So as a zero, you could say congratulations. Your shit doesn't stink. Exactly. Exactly. So their job was terrible, but their contributions were enormous, she writes.

7:18They found that compared to that of men. Common science, I'd say. Oh, that's awful. Compared to that of men, the flattus of woman, women had a much greater odor intensity. But hold your horses. Which reminds me of Kramer and the horse and Seinfeld cars that he fed. Beferino. What was it? Something like that. The study also found though that men produced a larger volume of gas per two. And Levitt argued that because flattus is ability to simulate the nose more dependent on volume than on concentration, not just gas that is debatable. These differences between the sex is balanced out in real life. Now, let's see, she takes a shot at teenage boys, which is really. It mentions their lack of restraint in this, this realm. But the final couple of really interesting scientific facts, because I have no interest in debating the man woman thing.

8:20That would just be indelicate. And you know me, Mr. Delegant. You're not going to get me to come in on this. Still in certain situations, she writes, no matter your skills in controlled exploration, we're all helpless. One such situation is air travel. We are all gassy on a plane. Maybe it's you, maybe it's your neighbor, before you judge anyone aboard. The ideal gas law PV equals an RT, with increasing altitude, air pressure, including intestinal air pressure, falls. Therefore, the volume of your intestinal gas has to expand. The air in your colon is blocked from traveling backward by a small muscular valve connecting it to the small intestine. Are you all relating to this? I don't relate to that. I have not had this experience. Oh my god, you and your fart denial. Well, I just have not had this experience. Does this happen to people on planes? I've never heard anybody mention it in my life. Well, it's because we're trying to be delicate, like I said, but yes, it's nearly universal.

9:20Really? Yes. Therefore, the only path flattest can take is forward and outward, where it joins the recirculating cabin air for the remainder of the flight, which is delightful. But if you need a simple last minute solution to gas, our friend and foe, take by smooth sub-salisate over the corner. 524 milligrams per mouth four times a day beforehand will do the job. Bismuth sub-salisate, better known as peptobizmol, binds and neutralizes more than 95% of sulfide gases in the gut. Another landmark discovery from the great Dr. Levitt. There you go. We're starting. How about science? The KOF. Right there. I enjoyed the information just about as much as I loved the just look of disgust on Jackson. Yeah. I am the only time ever in 30 years I've ever been ashamed to be a part of it.

10:20Well, it was, it was disgust and like being beaten down. Yeah. It kind of combined into a delightful, nice little disgust and defeat. That's the word. It was defeated there. Well done, Dr. Levitt. Your name will live on in glory. Well done, sir. I tried to activate my glitz as best I could between them. But they never stayed activated. Well, I guess that's it. This isn't I Heart Podcast. Guaranteed Human.