Turning Up the Heat! w/ Ian Fidance

0:00Merch alert baby. Merch alert. Merch alert. Merch alert. The quality is going through the roof as they say looking gang Do yourself a favor get over to our you garbage.com. We got hats. We got shirts got mugs. We got keych aids We got we got we got wall art. We got pep paintings. You can buy go check it out. Are you garbage calm limited supply list? Hey Everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is are you garbage? Yeah, that little show We sit down with your favorite comedians. And we find that I think you're to be classy. Yeah, they're just a big old piece of trash I'm your host, hey, trolley coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here with toddy's in a new edition. She's got worms Shorten it up short and sweet baby to the punch my co's is coming out from right next to me He is the CEO of our you garbage. He is an international business man and my best pal in the whole wide world Give it up for gay jk mj. Oh, thank you very much Henry Shout out to everybody for tuning in. We fucking love you. Please make sure you rave you subscribe on iTunes full video available

1:02YouTube full video available over there and Spotify and the boys are climbing a charts gate. You're fucking Warner ladders out and start climbing a chart Then obviously the greatest website of all time www.patreon.com slash our garbage. Go over there and get all that bonus content gang. We got the merch We got the new merch. We got the tickets on sale. Uh-huh. Got the patreon. Uh-huh. The bad haircut and we couldn't be more Excited they were incredibly and I mean incredibly special guest back for us again today He's got damn family at this point. He's got a brand new series over there on YouTube that absolutely no one is talking about But they should be at the dickhead. I'm sorry. What kind of intro is that mean that's very good up for Ian Jonah Hill sometimes finance everybody. Thank you everybody Thank you sathy's brother's movie. What fuck you're starting already. No, I'm not listen Full is a little on edge because he broke his CPAP machine and he hasn't gotten a good night's sleep since the fucking ragged and You came in that thing looks like tables wobbly. That thing looks like over head projector leaning on it. Jesus Christ

2:07This is actually a brand new day. We the brand new table and he broke it again. Ian. Thank you for coming in. Thank you guys Fantastic. I feel fantastic. We didn't you were an hour late and you were bitching that you didn't want to come out That's I said I didn't you know it come out, but I didn't sleep because I got my back piece done last night I was at the tattoo shop. Is that what you call it? What I've got you're not gonna give me that is we're gonna do this after the cold getting come down these days Hey, I'm into it. You know, that's how you heal the tattoo No, I got my back piece on less. I was in the shop. How many things are gonna say back piece? Yeah, that's what it's called. That's what it's called. Would you get a butterfly tram stain? No, it's it's it goes from my shoulders down to my ass cover And my my whole entire back. They did they knock you off the list. No, it's right. It's why I got holy space They said you don't have enough real estate. We're gonna wrap it up to the front. It's to scale. Yeah, it's one to one No brand new series on you too. Everybody's excited about it. Congratulations. Thank you. It's odd guy doing odd shit eat

3:10E and do an odd guy do an odd job. Which he loves putting his name in thing which it's it's it's good marketing They and fully loves putting his name in things. Are you garbage? And we're back anyway, the show is great and it's so fun to be here. It's doing well. It looks like it's doing well. It's doing great It's part of my partner with my money. They are I heard they're out bleeding money You got to watch you got a share if it doesn't pop up in a little bit by by funding And dude, it's so funny because I talked about it on here sure Yeah, and we were like oh god Why I've been working on it for a year I've been filming it out of pocket for a year and thank you out there to the AYG fans best fans in the world You guys were messaging me emailing me and I got out to some jobs because of That contacted me and I've been out and then now I have a ton of people hit me up

4:11I just put out an episode today where I did The people I didn't love you. I did thank you the guy in my mirror I am gonna I'm gonna partner up with AEW all-elite wrestling and I'm gonna go and very nice I don't know. I don't think so. I Anyway, I just heal to wrestling thing. I don't know. Sorry. All right. Well, you don't have to bring him up Just because I look like a rat in a cage Can I tell you today? It's the greatest day It's going on the beard you're a little fluffy It's just bitch. It's just thick. It's thicker than usual I've been debating if I should trim it down and I'm worried about doing heavy You look very young Spielberg. I'm saying I'm not that's rich What what you called me heavy I said heavier. I didn't say you're a little heavy. He's probably skinnier than you now. Are you what are you way one? This is a fat suit 71. What are you way? What the fuck is this?

5:13I like to go fine. That's good. Yeah, I know how much of you lost What the fuck I don't we were I thought we were saying back in it. What do you way I wait 370? Yeah, well you lay you weigh 205 And but you're not counting that 370 tumor Mine grew hair and teeth. Well, just air actually if you zoom in there's no teeth. They say oh Ian's look like you got dressed in his Fuck yeah, I I got a boss. I got that shirt. I gotta I was A wire boss and hardcore all day. They're great. You should check them out fantastic. I did in You dress like a homeless guy getting a job interview. Well, why do you think I'm here? I'm literally looking for jobs. Anybody have a collar shirt. I can you look you look like a you look like a brilliant homeless guy That's about that beat me in chess. I don't have to turn MIT on a tent. I know I look like I play like the violet on the street And then you know, I get to the actual concert. I'm just yelling slurs

6:15I Have to wear sweatpants and a sweatshirt and have it breathed because my back is covered in bandage Fuck his hat. Jesus get the CPAP By the way, he's he's on the phone like a like a fucking auctioneer trying to negotiate a CPAP 940 900 is not a lot of money for the machine that keeps you alive That's crazy You spent that a lot you spent that alone on cold cuts Yeah, I know well, the thing keeps breaking because it's out of water. He's putting grease in it My deep fry is broken You're on the phone with Friday daddy. I heard the guy go mr. Foley. It's not an air fryer Ruined my chicken wings I'm not losing any weight. I got to have breathable clothes because of my back So college what are you talking about? It's a it's a large college. Where'd you get the where'd you get the college shirt? You think that's that's I have a ton of college shirts in the summertime. You know when I drove a cab in the 1970

7:17Nobody reacts like you know I'm not accusing you of not having college shirts. Please that college shirt. Please is very outdated. Please Yes, in the summers. I took a shirt off the back and it's covered in bandages because I was gonna I was gonna shower this morning and come already to show But I slept through my alarm because I was up all night in pain Going to the bathroom because I need to be full of fluids to keep my skin breathing So whole process shout out Tony Kaplan R&D tattoo The best the only deal to give you the deal obviously. Yeah, look at you, huh? There's no CPAP machine, but he cooked me out I'll get it. You wouldn't be shouting them out if he didn't no, no, I shout them Well, yeah, they give me they give me no, I've been going to the shop for like five years So I'm all buds with them. Yeah, I know they know I'm like I'm the tumor And I know they're great. They do great work. They're the best shop in town They're better than everyone else reasonable prices fantastic work

8:18Ridgewood Queens Yes, go out see him and tell him your old belly incense. Yeah, now check it out. Oh What should we say? Holy shit. Yeah, dude. I better be henna looks like the red dragon four and a half hours Lady would have said a canes on it. I know I had to make them make her boobs less big But you see it's the grim reaper holding a woman because that's is always on my back And women will be the death of me What talk about a guy looking for an identity. That's crazy. What are you talking about? I've been wanting a cool story I've been wanting a back piece forever back piece count it. I'm covered in tattoos from the front lot Are you gonna get that colored in or whatever? Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's like a process four and a half hours I pass out of the end fainted just so did he all that got that conversation part of the show No, I I watch the movie and face times and stuff. Yeah, look Is that great? Yeah, he'll buck crack. Thanks. I know Open for business. Yes, yes And then and then underneath the the smoke they're gonna put exit only

9:22Is that true? I'm off guys. All right, and I don't bottom. Okay. I don't I do Hey, what a good time Can I tell you I finally ate she crab soup. I thought you nice fucking amazing amazing. We're incredible Uh grand central Newer. Yeah, grandfather oyster bar. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I want to go over there. I want on a date. It was nice We went to the whispering tunnel and then we also was but all went to Ha, uh Ha give it back. You guys think You can already look away, but not the timing. Let's go speaking of things that you have and you There, whatever this remember I bought you a cursive. Skip now. What do you have to show us here? Ah, I bought you this is some of your skin. I'm gonna be upset Finally it finally arrived. It's my being did you use for my back piece and this is what I got for KJ

10:24It's a oh was a gift for the baby. Chappy rap. Mm-hmm. Uh-huh. Okay. Your coffee has a hair in it by the way. I visibly see that Yeah, see it says that's so cute the least colors and it says what? I don't know when I open it up It says little little prince of garbage. Oh, that's very nice and I can't go empty handed for the big man No shit I got you something and Ridgewood tattoos. Yes. I got you a gift number five for a back piece For you with the cat. That's very nice. So then when the cat's not around you can look at a picture Thanks, that was in here. He packaged this up. That was at your house. Yeah, I was for sure It's a really nice. Thank you. Yeah, thanks. Mm-hmm sweatshirt sweat pants bad idea sweating already You're like breathable but here you show up looking like you're cut and wait for a rest Take you take your shot. You're the one call me heavy. I said you take your shirt. I said you'll look at it I don't want you to have the whole episode Take your pants off. I'll tell you

11:27No, I'm trying to wear breathable clothing. So I don't have to wait. There's nothing about that that's You have multiple layers. It's loose. It's loose. Yeah, but it's that it does not really You guys fiber the fabric fucking heat on you know anything about fashions. Are you that rich? You just run the heat first of all fully Went back to blue belt came on with it with this summer collection on dude that thing that shirt Yeah, we're just get back from surfing camp. Yeah, that's yeah, it's got cabana wear right now. Is this is this is 2019? George no, that's an 89 Caldor Barely yeah, this is from the neon tent collection They don't Two people are to put it on me. You gonna be hot. Yeah, I might take off a little bit It's all right pop the top off. Um, I need to well I don't know why you guys run the heat so hot here. We don't wrestle. It's fucking New York City What do you fucking read? This is crazy? This is your heat radio years ago. It was in December

12:32It wasn't cut off it broke really. Yeah, I got How many letters did the city guy got into milk the couple with the landlord with the landlord's boyfriend who's a maintenance guy who we got into it You've been living there for like 20 years. I know. Why do you think my rent is it's called squad is right Yeah, you get you know you you know you're there for a month. He got mail sent to you. It's yours Yeah, no, he's quoting some wall from 1432 Actually in the Providence of New Amsterdam You let your head is Promise to me You know, quoting Vicus Gordon Wood All right, I wish that joke would have worked. It should have you guys suck today. I know we don't Yeah, you stepped on my red dragon joke Now try it over there was doing my seat pack. Why is it heat so hot in here though for real? It's like I might have to crack it door It is a look

13:34It is crazy also all that ink could be fucking softening into your brain and you could be having a I'm getting it's not good to do listen by the way Tattoo flew. Yeah, you can get tattoo flew like it after you get a back piece a couple of days after you get a big tattoo You don't sick You zip it for a second. Can you tell me what is the heat on currently? Listen, I guarantee it's like 70 said it. It's a radiator in 1918 there was a huge Spanish flu and they cranked the heat and you don't know control over it Yeah, that's why the heat so hot why yes because of the Spanish flu Yes, why Google were cold table man ask as Google if if he if radiators in New York run hot because of the Spanish flu And if that's the case, I will suck your dick on camera Yeah Google if you can come pick up in And if you need to give more teeth put in on the bottom

14:35Looks like there's an earthquake in a graveyard. Holy shit earthquake in a graveyard. That's pretty good. Henry Foley on the board. Yeah, it's too specific for that to be wrong All right, whip it out You also probably knew that you probably told him last week Check the receipts. Hey, if your CP has broken out blow you right now. I don't do guys no more If you're dressed like a fat X-ron in 1990s Disney movie about surfing. I'll blow you You can't serve the big tune My guy that hangs it on the beach. It doesn't serve any if you're waiting for a callback on a remake of heavyweights. I'll blow you Stop being a dick bench stiller I mean that is a I mean It is a wild color choice for a 50-year-old man. That's all are you 50? No, just have my birthday when last week last week. That's a birthday gift Happy birthday

15:36Look at all the bad choices Did we talk to what we talked about on patreon we went out to dinner dude his birthday party sucked What happened? It was me him new guy Luke marked the shark the new editor was a fucking work party Ruben off in Cassidy those are my friends where the fuck was my fault when you didn't answer when was this last year? What I called you twice and you didn't I've always called you back. Yeah, like five days later because I'm busy Stealing So it was a it was a work party not a work party He's not a social butterfly Can I tell you moments like that is so sad? I got arrested and my call was for the seller to tell them I couldn't make my spot because I can't make my 145 in but I still need the $50 pay and I'll be by the pick of my way

16:42Shut up and laugh at that. That was the funniest thing you've ever heard Who else is gonna who else am I gonna call cats can't pick up a phone Man I am surrounded by the way you just the conics unleashed I did thank you Byron somebody should have put you back on a leash You think thank you Dude what was your what was your lead in I heard one of you did a cat story. Yeah, I talked about cats I talked about being single I Do you know let me pull this it was fucked up because we sat down and they told me how do you spell Ian? I was going like third and he starts a show What he looks at me and he calls me Well, dude, I made a joke you want a DL? I made a joke. I was like I think I said like I'm I'm bisexual when you look like me The crowd was like the crowd was like I am by I was like pause No

17:43Freaking Whatever you want to get you clean it up on I tried to say and 57 I tried to shake his hand He wasn't I was like Jesus Christ. I've been test He gives you not playboy. Yeah That's a wash. He didn't fill it up Hold on let's watch it. Hold up. You drink out of this anyway, right? Greg Morton In finance. I'm really trying to I jumped up in the air and did the WWF suckets and they added it on the show Ian finance in no way affiliated NBC production That's funny. What's a what's a gig like that pay? Can I don't comics on Lee? She got Bengali Blakemore and Ian finance and Vanessa Gratic nice. What's what's a gig like that pay? Not enough For being the richest for being the richest man in the world. Sure. He is now owns the weather channel. Well. He kills it. That'd be a Jewish guy anymore. Okay

18:45Wow getting brave Getting bold Ian you're not bottom No, well I do bottom from the top byron and what that means is I show bad I gotta feed the fish real quick. Oh dude that was that was the first show. Okay, man. You can tell me what he was like He was like he was like you're from New York and I go I am and he was just hanging up on them D.P. in him as they say What is up with you? I don't know. Oh my god. He's got the fucking school yard bully vibes with that hat pack Yeah, whatever really my god, your mom last night. Do you have to get out of here because you have fifth grade picture day after this? I don't want to miss the Texas Tommy's at lunch. There's still some nerd's lunch money. Ian By the way, give me give me everything. Yeah Cover up the bottom teeth You're looking at acidic Jew and hiding. Well, that's why I'm late. I had to crawl out of the tunnel Bad for me bad for me and we'll be back next week everybody

19:46Byron come on now gang. Let's talk about aura frames Or you might have heard us mention aura frames before about 15,000 times as being the greatest gift If you could possibly get somebody in your life, I'm going to tell you one more time got mothers day coming up You got fathers day coming up for sure you got birthdays you got weddings you got this you got that do yourself a favor Pick somebody up that you love an aura frame and they will love you forever. Yeah, dump all them cab All the pictures of the kid the cat the dog your wife scantily clad tasteful news whatever you got You can dump on a frame. You can pre roll it. You can pre load it for someone they get it by the plug Holy shit, there's Gary spread eagle whatever you do it You got free unlimited storage You can personalize your gift you put a message and get out of message before it arrives the gift boxes include the gift boxes included you share your photos and videos Effortlessly you just download the app boom put them up how you know it was named number one by wire cutter

20:49You can save on the perfect gift by giving by visiting aura frames.com for a limited time listeners and get $35 off their best selling car format That's what I give the car format with the code garbage as aura a you are a frames.com promo code garbage support the show by mentioning us to check out terms and conditions applied that Gang this episode is sponsored by better help as you know Kevin and I have started and continue our mental health journey It's a thing that's never over to think that's never over talk therapy helps Better help is an absolute fantastic place to start. We love better help if you're if you got a big problem You got a small problem. You just want to talk something out better help can match you with a license therapist Specifically to your needs yes, and also it's a take a time to celebrate women and all that they carry at work relationships And family and the many roles they hold every day March is international women's day and I got a new I got a new mom at the house and it is Love them brought it is forever. It is forever changed how I view all the women in my life who are mothers not mothers anything

21:54It's very you know, there's a lot of stress a lot of thought a lot goes on that I was not aware of so our hack goes off that Embrose out there shout out to you and listen they need you know everybody mental health affects everybody That's all I'm trying to say so somebody needs a little help. Yeah, maybe not you're in the right direction talk therapy is very good Cool. Um, you're your emotional well-being matters find support and find a light and feel lighter in therapy sign up at 10% off at betterhelp.com Slash garbage that's better help at chlp.com slash garbage do it What was your joke about the fish tank? Oh, it was like yeah, I'm from New York and I actually is fish Shacks making me miss home. It's bigger than my apartment. The crowd was like no, what was the joke? Who's the crowd? No, fuck you the crowd you're not the fish tank the crowd is paid audience members They've been there since like one

22:55They just broke my fucker off the state Boo-koo money boo-koo money. Is it that Los Angeles? Yeah, no Sherman Oaks. Yeah, Sherman Oaks Yeah, so what's the crowd in the studio? Are they largely African-American? Why would that be only? More of an African-American show I would say right? I think that's fair to say Yeah, I don't think that's crazy. Yeah, no, it's not I support the culture. It's got a black hose It doesn't mean it's an African. Well great. More of his African-American. Oh the girls the girls African-American statistically there's so I'm the minority and they got the weird-all white guy to round that Dude can I tell you I was in the makeup chair. Oh my god. I was in the makeup chair and they were for black They were like four Come on child. She's got a hot comb in his hair. Cover me. Yeah, why don't you got a color in my complexion? So we were in the makeup chair. We're in the back that it was running so late two hours late. I'm the last episode

23:58You're right. It is an African-American job Dude this woman on camera went off script and Byron goes and she's like this Comic from Atlanta and he goes off script and he goes so I you have you have a interesting family and she goes Byron My brother is gay and we think he has aides Everyone's like what and the producer dropped her clipboard runs out and then the woman comes back after the show She goes oh my god. I think I blacked out. I just started talking. It was like oh, you mean the aides thing? She was like the aides thing I'm like Jesus. What's your other number by any chance? You know I get tested and I'm clean. What's the matter this table pushing forward? Holy was right about the table Why don't you dip into the CPAP fun and get a fucking fix on the table? Well, I mean fucking you're lined up like you're fucking doing the push push Yeah, but also do you really think the tables are not gonna wobble when you're putting 500 pounds on it every time you lean over and laugh?

25:00Who that was mean first of all I don't think he's laughed yet at anything you said We're good. Yeah You know, we keep it. I Let me see if a sausage is made. You guys got sausages What it pulls it out of his butt? Have you ever been the Kings? Who are you by run out? That was a crazy segue. I'm trying to bring us back. I know. That's where we went to dinner. We went to dinner King's that's where we live. No fucking foley's bad birthday party. Why was it so bad? Look like Dave just has birthday party or something. He's just like a bunch of old. I've been to one of those I know it was a bunch of old washed fucking comics dude. So what why why was it bad really really you get out of here? I'm not drinking. I know I'm proud of you. So these guys won't really now Can I can I tell you bad move knowing that you're with a guy who's teetering on the edge? I'll fucking drink right now. Do you think I'll show you? I've got a problem Bad move drinking around them. No, it's not I think in early sobriety. I don't want that. I know

26:07I don't enjoy themselves that makes me I know I want these guys to get fucked up. I know I know but in early sobriety It I'd cool it on the drinks around the guy for a minute. Okay. No, let's see. I know I told you without without making you feel as if you were like the odd man Just nobody just nobody order a drink and then afterwards maybe get a maybe get a drink at the end and so not us We drink Ben and why was a vibe bad because they weren't drinking enough. No, no No, there'd be four left. He's like, don't do that thing. We're gonna fucking drink it because I'm not drinking I'm like, all right, man. And like also I'm gonna you know, I'm gonna grab. I listen. He's yelling at me to drink I'm gonna usually suck sound about 12 manattons every dinner. He's nursing one to dessert gets there. I had one And he was we he's we used weird. I wasn't really was he going like drink drink. Yeah, don't put the guy Don't don't not drink and then someone or a day don't not drink because of me But I'm gonna make it all about me by telling you to drink. I said it once

27:09This is why he was twice three times of the folly I really wish I'd been invited. Oh, yeah Did you guys run a show together? No, I was never a big fan of Ian Well, I found his comedy a little pedestrian Well, I found you to be a bit pendentic myself I You did you and I did did we have something with Paul Goodman and ran Nochay together. I am not with him No, you weren't I wasn't I never he had me like emcee Nochay and then like me. You final did something It's some like lounge show once. I don't recall that I would black me out too I would I would forget looking like the lion No, I wish I'd have been there. Did you invite me or is this a little folly? You don't wish you don't wish you were

28:09Going up Byron Allen next week. Hey, what is keeping all you losers in the dust? What's Keens? It's a steakhouse. I did stay say I said Keen steakhouse that you went no. I didn't someone said I yeah, I really was you why don't you get a change of birthday with these vibes you got go I tell you something palace. I didn't have a birthday party this year either How old did you turn 41? Yeah, you shouldn't I don't want last year. Yeah, 40. Yeah, my buddy. I don't want to have one buddy also for me We're through me in birthday party to bowling alley. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, it was great. We weren't invited to that It was up in Providence. Oh, well, Providence because we were playing poor guys only because we were playing um Comedy connection then this year I actually this year I was going to have a hot dog at New York system act like you don't know the name of the place. Oh, only only New York system I believe it's called no great hot dog in Providence. Yeah, they also have coffee milk. I told you about coffee milk It's it's like Hershey sir, but it's coffee you get that and you get the

29:11Couple dogs with chili and onion and mustard. This is the most locked in. I've seen you all I've seen right now I'll tell you I got you to sheet crap soup to make dick dude. That was incredible. It's amazing. How was the date? I great. I Thank you, banger. Oh, buddy. No It will happen We I said it was she crap soup and she said she was she crap squirt Classy broad. Yeah, what what trucks that you picked this lady up at? Uh Molly Pritchard Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha God defer on me, MJ turnt by me. This guy knows the truck stops me a little bit of a lot. If you put her right back on the line down and rail road after dinner, woo, woo, she put her hat back on you can't Don't worry. I gonna get out of here, right? Smax him on the is alright. I'll see you later. Can we kiss? No Yeah, no, it's great. It was awesome. Um, she crap soup amazing, but uh You pay the dinner. Come on.

30:12We split it. We ran on the check. My heat's broken. No, we got to cut your train. And we just left. No, of course I did. What do you do? Oh, and then it was so nice, dude, we walked down to the subway. And it was right after a snowstorm. And there were, you know those puddles that look like ice and you'll step in them sometimes. We were on the other side of the street ripping sigs, making bats on who would step in the bar or not. You and Harry go have some soup at a train station. Go out and smoke sigs. Yeah. I kind of get this. This is homeless as you get. I love you, babe. And then laugh at people stepping in puddles from across the street. Is a New York date? What do you want? You know, I'm a class, class, classy, classic guy. We robbed a soft pretzel guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. To a hot car vendor down the stairs. Hey, Bugs, we're a hot dog. Suck my dick. Ah, he pushed his cart down the street. Mm-hmm. And last, when he chased us, it was great. It was really fun. Well, that's good. We've got your friend in love again. Ah, well, I don't know. Saying that, you know. What kind of sigs did she smoke? Mine, won't be red. Oh, she didn't have her own. Did you like the sig for? Of course. You like yours, hand it to her, then you do yours.

31:13That was the classiest. That's the move. That's the move. That's the move. Takes a bunch of hits off his face. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let me just make sure it's lit. Hold on, hold on. Let me just even out there's cherry for you. Is there poison in it? I'm going to taste it. I'm going to be kills on this. Kills on this. Let's call that the episode to people that we didn't buy. Well, we did. Now, now, I might, the whole point. What are you doing here now? It's a zip. I don't know, but I'm not going to like it. It's a Zipix. It's a nicotine toothpick that's helping me cut back a cigarette. But they won't fucking sponsor me. That is the dirt bat, the most trashy thing ever. Try it. No. Dude, they won't sponsor me. I'm taking a wet toothpick from you. Fucking nuts. We're not sharing it. Your figures have been in my pocket for seven years. Seven years it looks like. No, try it. There's nothing. No, my stepdad used to do nicoderm. Anybody that ever dabbled with nicoderms, get the fuck out of here. What is the matter? I don't like nicoderms. Hey, let me go back to my original point. I didn't have a birthday party this year. You had a shit one. Let's combine, redo, folian, birthday party.

32:14Let's take you to dinner. Let's go. Let's go. It's Gene Steakhouse, and maybe pay my bill. Let's go. What? Lugers. You guys pay. Big. Eat. Leave. Bug you to hang out. Let's go. Can I do the show again? Can I do the show again? Can you do my show? We can go bowling. I don't want to do dinner anymore. I don't want to do your show again. Let's do it. Dude, you know what would be fun if we won. If we won Roller Scaining. I will go. I'll go. I don't know. I for sure the best. Dude, what if we won't do medieval times? Nah. That would be a fun birthday. What? And film it for Ian's new show. We tried that. Then all the people paid for it. They don't allow productions they're owned by a huge corporation. They don't, tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt, Tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt, Cable Guy. Now, let me tell you this. I think we really should have a joint this is your shy love off interview Shit happens shit happens. Are you in a gang? Ian? Yes, we'll call be his city

33:18Check out the five o'clock news. That was awesome. Yeah. Oh Andrew. He's the best interviewer I think he's fantastic. Yeah, it's really good. I'd love to get him on the pod. I wish you I wish he was here Yeah You hear what I said folks don't listen to me and you're fantastic. I'm not thanks happy for you You found love you got your you got your thing you had some soup you got your tattoo going You got all those teeth all right Teeth are here a borrow a couple of You put his bottoms on your top. They're not renaissance I'm gonna take this off sweating. Well, we should really have uh, uh, uh, we should have a friend's dinner. Yes Yes, we should do it one day when I'm out of town We should That changes the whole look Yeah, you look easier. Look at a young Jeffrey. Do I look like a vampire who's also an accountant It looked like a comic whose bomb it

34:22Dude, you are covered in sweat. There's no way any of that. That's all polyester. You got going on Oh We're gonna need a bigger mic Holy shit dude, man, that's the flux capacitor coming pal. I have a different shirt and you are nine different people It's crazy You really are nine different people nine lives like a cat It's a picture of him. I'm bad. I say up He gets good Talk about ring around the collar Mm-hmm. I think well, that's like the shirt the janitors used to wear This is my summer shirt. Will you finger-paint in an hour ago? Take it easy, Miss lippy Miss lippy Billy Madison Never saw the film. No, it's crazy. He was 32 when he came out I just want to touch the honey. Oh You've seen it. I know it What The blockbuster line. How do you know? Look at how sweaty you are also a collared shirt with sweatpants and a pair of tints

35:28Is a wild joy If you're taking the shirt off, let's see the back. There's a lot man Oh my god Ian has a trash bag on his back Now wonder why you're sweating. You said it was all bandaged up. What the hell is that dude? Look at that ass He's got to that is a wedgie Haha What the wed salad Actually, I'm looking at that keens. Do you have your tits done? No, it's a tape under the Looks like you got a misectomy You can't come back in your office. You're a chamber. Get over here. You come back in. Come back in. Ian, we're not over here We're not going to air this episode unless you get back in I'm going to be an editman tiddle in the 13th Ah That's a wild pair of sweatpants. You look like a chola. I bought them at a Mexican shop. Yeah, I'm pretty good Tell co you look at you look at you just got out of prison now take the hat off

36:33I just want to see how many do like mr. Potato head now put the glasses on your head watch how full you want to try to eat you Put the glasses on your head. No, what does it matter with you? I want to see how many different You can put the teeth in your mouth, right? What the hell do you want? Now Ian put your nose where your ears are I Let me put my dick where your mouth is Can be Friend lunch when are you free? Never okay. I tell you what lunch. I like yes. I want to start shift I'm 50 years old goddamn it. I can't be doing these dinner. Can I tell you? I do like breakfast lunch with friends And it's so nice you catch up. You have you never invited us. You're complaining. You're my neighborhood. They're my neighborhood friends. Go with fucking haystack Fucking slippery peep. I'm talking to haystacks cow hoon over here. Look it up. It is a good reference Now let me

37:34Haystacks cow hoon let's see it. This is this is gonna Holy shit That's dead on viewers at home. Oh, I mean they just saw it if they're watching After you see haystacks cow hoon go over to Spotify check out Ian doing our guy doing our job for on Spotify video It's not a podcast. It's an old school TV show. It's the only TV show on Spotify video That's something to hang your hat on I'm not sure if it is it's the only TV show that's not on TV It's actually on an audio medium Well, now that you put it that way, fuck it. You're gonna radio show by mail. What are you talking Hello, my darling you gotta wait three weeks. I know I made it You got me and that got you

38:36Hey playboy. He's not so much of a freak after all, okay? Give me in a big round of applause Baby blues luncheon at when great Greek luncheon at spot in my neighborhood And the I'm not going at the JF play to get it. I mean it's some fucking V&M's coffee shop. They were looking at me like I was fucking Colonel Kurtz from that popular movie man No, cuz I thought they could cut for the pig I should have won with it. They you got me that one Also to push back we like that place a lot. Yeah, we do it. Yeah, it was really good very V&M Me and him go What's the spot in your neighborhood? I'll go to you come to man hat in New York City Let's go where man hat and where's the good lunch brunch spot in Manhattan mid-dead go to the Smith That's All right, I'll get my other friends to go and have a couple of cocktail I have a couple coffee with you guys and go party with the real that's what I like We should really do that that would be fun. I don't drink around could you mark the charge schedule

39:38Drink around me. Yeah, cuz you're you're fiendin. I'm not fiendin for anything Guy and a salmon shirt what he nuts is cocaine water you are fiendin for the past with that shirt, buddy. Holy shit I am You look like the first get out get the dutch ball get the Delorean McFly Yeah, take the back that joke. I just made take me back to seven seconds ago Ha Give me back, huh your nerds? I feel like somebody gave me a beer. I feel like the first get out and kickball First out less picked less picked first out anyway, where's the Delorean spit take for me I thought about it, but it would have just ran out of it. It would have been too much all it would have been too constant Oh god What if you could learn more about your health in under an hour the Prenuvo whole body skin gives you a comprehensive look at your health

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41:44As the big man said the hydration multiplier has three times the electrolytes of the leading sports shrink Eight vitamins and nutrients in every stick you take a little stick you dump it in the water you shake them up boom You're at the door non GMO Free from gluten dairy and soy note of artificial flavors of sweeteners They have hydration bursting with flavor including my favorite cotton candy all the way down the popsicle fire cracker and much more Right now you can subscribe and save 30% off on better hydration at liquid IV dot com size garbage That's liquid IV dot com liquid IV dot com size garbage 30% off all purchases when you subscribe and save one more time liquid IV dot com size garbage tear poor live more doing Yeah, gang. We got a brand new Merch alert and we've kicked it up a notch, baby Hatchy-matchy. Kippy show them. We got hats boom hidden with the AYG AYG hat quality We got a classic Bernie's dad hat. We got comfort colors tease upgraded to tease heavy weight T's for heavy white boys. We got Uncle Henry's men's wear. We got Kippy's racing t-shirt

42:47Kippy's racing t's we got the Bass pro shop knockoff no big deal. I ain't that we got the palm breakfast spot Look at that and then son backs gang and then get it for St. Paddy's day limited run kiss me I'm trash shirt give it to it. Give it to a classy brod near you. That's real as you are you garbage dot com Now see you're feeling hot too. I'm telling you Yeah, it's hot. I can play. That is a good hairline. What are you gonna do with that? Huh? What are you gonna do with that? Why is it so long? What? You growing it out for a roll or something? Yeah, but no bread. Oh fuck No growing up for more of a croissant Cream cheese now. Do you like sesame bagels? No, I like salt bagels. I was joking Like salt bagel French toast bagel banger Had it yesterday before I Stayed in a day. I was asking what I ate yesterday because I couldn't remember I kept going What I ate today? You know what I hate today? What I mean? How the fuck am I supposed to know you a

43:47I then I fainted my eyes open Well, man. Did you get some orange juice orange juice is good for No, I was drinking Marnelly's. I was I was eating bananas sugar It dude the whole process was a breeze. I have nothing green stuck on a medical emergency around Well, you know, it's funny because I was telling a story about More ironic More of a quip more of a story no one's here, but I know when I was a carpenter I pass out at work And I was talking about it while getting tattooed and then I fucking fainted again, which is so weird Talked it into exist. I talked it into existed. Now tell yourself. You're funny. I don't know about big booty latinas Uh, no, I I dude when I was a carpenter. I made a bet this guy bet me 20 bucks. I wouldn't eat a slug So I bet it in half. I spit it out Thank god because if I ate it I would have went to a coma and died because I would have gotten rat long Happened to a kid in Australia. What's rat lung rat lung? Wait, say that I'm looking at it

44:47I'm gonna switch the earth. I checked out. What what happened rat when I was a carpenter I made a bet for 20 bucks this guy bet me I wouldn't eat a slug. So I was like jack is construction company Hi, I'm Ian Knoxville. Hi, I'm Ian Wilmington I'm gonna frame a basement and eat a slug So we didn't go through your panty drawer So I did you support on homeowners underwear and come down Make my coworker's laugh He put the tool belt back on. Yeah, he knew I won six Byron, let me tell you you ever hear the man John I'm missing So I bet this guy bet me 20 bucks. I wouldn't eat a slug He's been telling this fucking story If I had to hear me the slug one more time. I'm gonna fucking eat one my ass. I didn't eat it I bet in and have spit it out. Uh-huh. Thank god. Thank god because they have so many toxins and parasites It would have killed me. You could get a thing called rat lung rat lung. Yeah, the remix rat lung say it fully said Uh, dude this this kid me this kid in Australia went into a fucking coma for like 426 days

45:54And then fucking was paralyzed and then died I spitted out the next day exactly from eating every slug. He ate one slug I bet I fact check look it up It slugs that eat the poop of rats and the rats have to eat mollocks So you have to be in like a that's like two slugs. Well, you know, that's a slug that's got to eat rat shit That a rat was eating mussels. Yeah, fully is hungry again Now they have those at Keen's check the menu. We're gonna get that for lunch. Somebody's rat mussels Extra slugs for me, please Um, wait, is an escargo slug. Yeah, snail in the family. It's all right. I like it. It's good. Oh, dude I've only had that for Ian do I was an oyster farmer in poor things Ian do sounds like a bad fruit Ian do an odd guy doing odd jobs. I was important name and I I was at a show Ian do in odd guy doing odd jobs Ian do when I was little what he just called Ian doing odd stuff or Ian does yeah

46:55When I was when I was little and I wanted to do something and bring it back to development I Like a chop in my partnership with why I'm age I've retained a hundred percent creative control So no, I will not be going back to develop Um, I didn't we buy it how long How long I'm gonna buy it in shelf and like let's move this South of Byron Allen I'm beyond a network gay guy does gay shit Coming this fall Cracker A's motherfucker doing dumb shit Yeah, come on fat Joe lean back It's all you it is all you the tables lean in that way you are a fat man who leans a lot And we are seeing the results look at that table Yeah, okay, so I passed out 24 hours later that story does not end well if you let me finish it and it five minutes ago

48:00Did the slug make it the slug unfortunately He died He uh yeah now it was bad idea, but thank God I could have died I could have died and you wouldn't you wouldn't have been here could have died What if I did die and all of this is but a dream to give me this really should hit me Shut up Luke Maybe get the shark to take your job Normally, I like that Luke catching that He's Jewish guy's got my You're hired to come on Ian one of the things We've talked about recently and we've been talking to guests and you know, you're you know wacky guy Cookie guy what is one of the things that you might do it doesn't have to be expensive or anything But that makes you feel classy and like rich and you're like oh when I do the like it could be valet in your car It could be like you have a nice robe or when I go to the store I buy multiple things of

49:00Paper towel just to halloween sheet crab soup. Yeah smoking a cigarette in bed Wow makes you feel rich makes me feel alive like a real adult or putting a little bow tie on my cat and sharing a meal I gotta give them both of them I gotta push back. I think on both of them the laying in bed having a cigarette. I can see an ash tray in your chest You got some tunes on the windows open the rich guys are doing it. Yeah, I'm a different type of rich where I'm not Okay I'm getting there now listen to my TV show See me on the road. He invited Stockholm. I'm going everywhere. I'm booked up until 2027 Don't underestimate me 2027 yeah, I feel good to underestimate you I Couple guys I'm really great but I'm in the conversation for some reason where you booked until 2027 I don't know the respect of my peers for seven

50:05I have the respect but nobody seems to you're both on through 2027 Yeah, that's great. Yeah, yeah, good agent. Yeah, shout out CAA match ults. You're the fucking man bro Yeah, yeah, no dude the road's been fucking great. I've been loving it. I've been selling better and better and better And I'm really really enjoying every set I do is different. It's very like Improving and I find a lot of the spoken word That's always that's always the mark of a guy's spiral. Oh, yeah No, it's great. You're you're having the you're answering questions. No one is yeah We're moving more and more tickets. I saw more t-shirts more and more people are coming out. That's a great question CAA says thrilled. There's no we've been working on manifesting You're not gonna see I'm just spelling letters. You don't know match ults. No, no, no. No my agents at alemeno are really good Elemeno I'm just making stuff out now improv heavy. Ian fight inside No two sets of the same. I'm improv. He's heavy

51:10You got to see this guy The three of us should tour that would be fucking incredible It'd be like gangbusters dude if we did if we did a fucking bus tour and fucking filmed it and then I you mean the special we already really if we did it really No, dude if we did an episode of Ian do what that would be you know, I'm doing an episode of production now Yeah, I film all the time we got so many episodes bang I film all the time. I got the guy here my job today is podcaster No, I'm doing an episode of subway takes and I'm doing subway take my job and I'm gonna interview Kareem and then interview a couple other people Yeah, it's dude. I'm having so much fun with it. I'm feeling the guy show yeah a little bit And that guy just got five days Woo you got five. Yeah, that's you show up and just take so much job doing it from customers Let me tell you right now. Do you know how it would go down like gangbusters a bus tour me following in an RV

52:11How did it make okay with that? I just like the sound of that better dude. What if we did what you did behind activities and camping That would be fun Why don't we go skiing you guys like skiing the activities are of a section Killington stow up in Vermont. I like those places my classes went there when I was a kid We never went. I grew up. I grew up snowboarding, but I'm a ski guy I took myself on a one-man solo ski trip shout out Keystone in Denver Amazing I ran into ski and ski out air B&B incredible Fucking so much fun up on the mount for the cat. I got oh god. I would love it I kind of want to get a new cat make him a travel cat But then my other cats would be upset that I bring him around and they'd be jealous Yeah, I wonder how it's gonna go over on the board meeting He'd be voted off as like an edit crazy That'd be a power struggle within the within the condominium. You're not a pet guy. I have a dog

53:14Yeah, I just don't dream about taking him skiing with all those say rare I'm He's a wacky guy. Yeah, I'm an odd guy doing on jobs. That's what it is All right, let's get started. What do you say get started? What have we not been recording? Jesus Christ You guys are white coats coming to you They got that net the dog net Oh my job today is at the hospital I'm gonna act like what it is to be on the page is yes. Yes, it is Now what can they find the show? youtube.com slash eam finance comedy. It's on my youtube page. Why am H's youtube page Spotify video? You only video on spotifier. Yeah, the only TV show on Spotify. How many how many uh Ian do the math who comes up Ian do Ian finance. There you go. Ian do show. Yeah That's a black guy. There you go right here. Oh, yeah

54:15Terry blacks. Terry black shit. Okay. Did you go to Terry blacks? Yeah, I was a pit boss a Terry black. No shit And then hit boss. Yeah, so I learned how to smoke the meats and then I went I got adopted by an Australian family And then I did I did uh, I was head of security at the comedy mothership. Whoa Yeah, so I I wore head to toe tactical gear and I had like a whip and an American flag with a spear on it To protect free speech, you know, I was like a joke because everyone thinks that they're all like marines there It was great. It was so fun. I did a thing where I acted like I was lost in the mothership like Blair Witch style You know, it was very fun very nice. Mm-hmm. Don't lie to me. I'm serious. I'm trying to plug your show here. Thanks I'd guide doing our jobs episode three big guns tattoos Yeah, I got my tattoo license in Wisconsin Yeah, you get license to do that 65 bucks in an hour boom license tattoo artist I tattooed that S symbol the stucy symbol, you know, and this guy's leg turn up pretty good

55:15I'm uh, okay, say so myself. We got good. But yeah, yeah, I oyster-formed in Maine John's River oysters. It was amazing. Just pop them out of the water. Chuck them. Eat them. Incredible. Okay, amazing. Okay. Yeah, that's good You mean sell it more? No, no, no, you're good. It's good. Check it out, Kang Maybe if I say a couple of words, I was people like you did battle you did battle bots. Yeah, they opened up the arena to me canine training got tackled by German shepherds sauce pizza saucy Sicilian shout out. They watched the show. That's how I got hooked up with it They contacted me Saucy Sicilian. I'm Oklahoma City. Saucy sister. You're Sicilian pizzas. Yeah, really good. My favorite really good. I want to make your guy like Sicilian now Pizza 50 50 years that diet decaf diet root bear Sillion Playing cheese. Are you telling us or are you telling yourself telling myself? No, he does diet root beer Sicilian and What is better about Sicilian 8th grade or 13th? Sicilian. Oh, oh, okay. All right, so your tastes are changing

56:17It's more than it's more of an older elder statesmen and you know what I love now. I love good and plenty's One of those huge good and plenty guy. It's that name of black comic affiliate Kills It's licorice you never have good and plenty's. No really you're an old soul surprise. Yeah, a little good and plenty's it's black licorice with a little candy coating Candy-candy I try to say with candy Do you know I had some to keep my blood sugar up during the tattoo, but you've got a tattoo Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha We got to wrap it up with a great chorus check out Ian's brand new show Indian doing odd guy doing odd jobs. You fucking I just called an odd guy doing I Indue what's Ian do. When I was little I had a speech impediment I couldn't talk and when I went to do something I would just go bring up an a And there's a video of me staring my dad

57:18I don't even do any song a two by four and I just annoyed him enough to where he gave me a saw that three years old So I would just say that to annoy my parents in the letting me do stuff So everything I do I kind of do it. How he texted us he and do podcast So everything I do I try to give a little nod to like my family something well, I'm teasing you We love you very much. I love you man. I love you Thank you. Thank you about the gift. Thank you for everything. You're good. My gift is genuinely very nice Love. Thank you. I think you don't for my gift. I said it was beautiful So I'm gonna use it to sleep on tonight. What I love you guys. I love you the best. I am so happy for you guys I think and genuinely it makes me smile. Shut up. I think of our memory We should do a brunch or something. Yes, that would not just say it. Let's do it. Let's eat and do it Let's eat and do it. What are you doing tomorrow? He and do I'm not paid a check Eat I'll buy I'm not split in appetizer. Yeah, right me and me and fully sharing she crab soup

58:22The fuck at me is bread getting her feet dude We should go eat at the seafood place in Grand Central get some she crab oysters. Let's do it up mid-day Give you what he got for I'll be hit the seafood place at the at the train station We're going after this. Yeah gang. We're on the road right now shows our selling out Get your kid. That sounded pandering. No, I'm kidding. I am kidding. Obviously I heard your book till 2027. Oh, Byron. I'm doing Pittsburgh in Prov, New Year's Eve But first and first and the second let's go. Okay. Uh, that's a lot of tickets. That's a big room I sell that room out. What? Mm-hmm. I didn't hear I sell that room out good for you. It feels really good Yeah, okay Really trying to prove something to me. I drink diet root beer And things are going great and everything's fantastic and only Sicilian Gang get your tickets and merch. We did limited quantities get a while last. We love you. Love you. See you next week

59:27Bye