Top 5 Questions Every Couple is Asking - Getting Relationship Help from our Panel of Experts -

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Getting Relationship Help from our Panel of Experts - Top 5 Questions Every Couple is Asking

“In relationships, we bid for emotional connection by asking questions that range from mundane to soul-searching,” says Don Cole, a Houston-based licensed marriage and family therapist certified by the Gottman Institute. But we were socialized to communicate differently: Women make emotional connections with their girlfriends (How do you feel about it?) much different than men do with their pals (Did you see that motorcycle?). When her question strikes a nerve, it’s often because you’re perceiving a disconnect in what she really wants to say—and that can come from both sides, says Cole.

But why can her questions rile you up so easily? Your instinct to blow a gasket or storm off is biological: “Men’s bodies are hardwired to be hyper-reactive to stress and danger, but modern danger is no longer a ferocious tiger—it’s the pissed-off wife or girlfriend,” says Jamie Turndorf, Ph.D., author of Kiss Your Fights Goodbye. When she comes at you with touchy topics, your body sees danger, which involuntarily triggers your fight-or-flight response, she explains. To sail smoothly through any line of questioning, be ready with these smart responses.

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