Timeless Wisdom: Male/Female Hour - Jealousy

0:00Your dog and a stranger are drowning. You can only save one. Who do you choose? Dennis Pregor says your answer reveals everything about how you define right and wrong. In his new book, If There Is No God, Pregor exposes the danger of emotion-based morality and why, without objective truth, society descends into chaos. This isn't a religious book. It's a rational case for moral clarity in a confused age. If there is no God from Dennis Pregor, order now at PregorStore.com. Welcome to Timeless Wisdom with Dennis Pregor. Here, thousands of hours of Dennis' lectures, courses, and classic radio programs, and to purchase Dennis Pregor's rational Bibles, go to DennisPregor.com. I am all fashioned. I like two sexes. Yeah, I don't know if they all of a sudden I don't like being married to when his known as a new woman. I want a wife, I have a competitor, a competitor, a competitor.

1:01Talk about a bit, this crying in the morning thing. It's depression, you know? Let's get that fixed. That's a man thing, isn't it? What? Unless you've got the answer, unless you can say, oh, I know this bloke in the ear, six-roader could fix that, and there's no point bothering. How do you rate women so well? I think of a man, and I take away reason and accountability. I love him. I love him, and I don't care what you think. I love him for the man he wants to be, and I love him for the man that he almost is. What do people have rouse about him? Um, money, sex, sex, money. He wants, she doesn't want. She wants, he doesn't want. Women have always been a big problem to me. Doctor, for spend. Are you listening, Doctor? Yes, yes, yes, go on, go on. Doctor, for spend. My hero. Hi, everybody. It's the male female hour on the Dennis Prager show.

2:03And I love this hour, and I know many of you do. I have three dedicated hours on the show. Pretty much what I call Camilla Highwater hours, we talk about this subject. Male female hour is the second hour on Wednesdays. The ultimate issues hour is the third hour on Tuesday, and the happiness hour is the second hour on, on, on Friday. All right, the male female hour today is on a subject that will hit some of you, unfortunately, right between the eyes. And I would like to hear from you, because perhaps you and I together can help people understand a rather complex element in the male female relationship. And that is the big J. What's the big J? Jealousy. Now, you might expect me to say that it is not a good thing.

3:04You got to learn to control it. You'll have a much happier life. Well, you're right about the second tube, but not about the first one. Yes, you do have to learn to control it, and you will have a much happier life. But it's not a bad thing entirely. The problem with jealousy is degree, not existence. Get it? That's the key here. Listen, if there is none whatsoever, if it can never be provoked between two people, then I think that there is some degree of love, or at least romantic love, missing. If it truly means nothing, one's wife is spending time with different men and speaking about them,

4:05but it provokes nothing. Because, you know, well, I just trust my wife. Well, the issue is not trusting your wife or trusting your husband. That's a separate issue. The issue is, do you feel any jealousy? And the truth is that you ought to. The question is, how much and how easily is it triggered? That's the issue. I mean, there are men and there are women. And I think that this seems to run, and this is purely anecdotal. In my experience talking to people, it seems to run 50-50. Sometimes it is the man who is over-controlling and who is jealous of the slightest degree of interaction between his wife and another man. And sometimes it is the woman who is over-reacting and who is deeply upset by any interaction between her husband and another woman. I have not found this to be sex-based, as in gender-based. 1-8 Prager 7-7-6, you can start calling now

5:07because here is one of those times. This is one of those times. Whence, your examples and questions will be helpful to other people. My bottom line is that there is an inevitability and a health to a certain degree of jealousy. That you will feel that feeling. You really love somebody. It doesn't mean you act on it. It doesn't mean you control. I'm talking about the feeling of jealousy. Now, what you have to do, though, is to control it. And here, there are two people involved at least in helping you control if they're simply if they overwhelm you or they are constant, triggered by, as I say, any interaction of your spouse with a member of the opposite sex. First, you have to help yourself be your spouse

6:08and that has to help you. And that is done by regular reassurance in a verbal and whatever other way it takes of their love for you, their exclusive love for you. I mean, a healthy person doesn't care if his or her spouse interacts with members of the opposite sex. You care if you feel that they are attracted. And I don't mean in the usual way men are attracted to 72 women a day. But in any deeper sense than that and that it threatens, that's the fear. I mean, what is jealousy? But ultimately, a fear that somebody is coming between my loved one and me, right? I mean, that's essentially what jealousy is about. If you don't have that fear, then it's meaningless. And so you have to ask yourself rationally, is there really, is there really that possibility?

7:11Is there really that, that, that potential? You know, your husband falls in love with an actress on the screen. I, you know, I think that the jealousy is not cold for unless he's deeply unhealthy and starts stalking her. It's a fantasy joke. You know, your wife goes, oh God, is he gorgeous? You know, big deal. All right, it's actually good. If your spouse can say to you, he's gorgeous or she's gorgeous, that's actually a healthy thing. Means you're not, you're not hiding your reactions. And my deepest belief is that the more you share with your spouse, the better it is. But that, that's quite different than, then obviously, you know, somebody at work who becomes very involved quote unquote professionally in life of your husband, let's say, now, unless you know that it's,

8:15and you can know, it is possible. You know, it's a non-issue, you know, she's, she's no threat to, to his love for you. That's the, that's the issue of jealousy, as I said earlier, is the threat that the person can pose to the exclusivity of your relationship. But having said all that to, if it's absolutely absent, that's not good either. It gives an edge, attention, that is good for a relationship. It also helps by the way in doing something else and that is never taking your spouse for granted. If you never, ever feel any jealousy, it would seem to me that you take for granted that your spouse will always be with you and always love you. And I don't think that that's healthy. That's, that's a subject that I've covered and will return to another time because it's not nearly often enough spoken about.

9:17The taking for granted of a spouse, that, that people engage in. That's, it's, as if you have tenure, like a college professor, can't be fired. I think that every spouse should think that they could be fired, in fact. Alrighty, let's go to, let's go to some of your calls here. 1-8 Prager, 7-7-6. And let's go to Cleveland, Ohio, and Scott. Hello, Scott, Dennis Prager. Hey, Dennis, boy, it's a real pleasure talking to you. I listened to you for a long time, first time calling in. Right. I've been with my wife in one form or another for 25 years. We started dating when we were 17. And she was, tended to be quite jealous at that, at that age, almost problematic. And over time, it's drifted away. And I just sort of assumed it was something,

10:22like a more childhood attitude that you grew out of, interested in what other people say today on the subject. But there was no real effort on my part to make it go away other than enduring it, and just over time it went away. What, how long did you know each other prior to marriage? I was in sixth grade with her. We really, I mean, I knew her name. And that was it. Well, let me ask you this, what age did you, did you marry? 23. Okay, so there were six years from 17 to 23. What I think is marriage made her more secure than being boyfriend and girlfriend. I suspected that as well, that like you said that the right, all right. So let me, let me say something is this is very important. That's another benefit of marriage. I'll explain when we come back. This is the male female hour on the Dennis Prigger Show.

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12:32Now, back to more of Dennis Priggers, Timeless Wisdom. Hi, everybody. Dennis Prigger here, the male female hour, each week this hour of the show on Wednesdays. And talking to you today on the male female hour about jealousy, it is a good thing, but it is a bad thing when uncold for or when it becomes terribly controlling, obsessive, et cetera. In other words, if it doesn't exist, it's not good. And if it exists too much, it's not good. Like much of life, this is not exactly a different from much of life that a moderate amount of something is probably good and an excessive amount is bad. But some people may think that it's good if it doesn't exist at all and I differ with that view. If you really love somebody and you are married to that person

13:34in particular, then an uncertain exclusivity is definitional to the marital state. That's why the last call from Cleveland was so interesting. He was with his, the woman that became his wife from 17 to 23, then married, she was very jealous, then with marriage, she became much less jealous, as indeed she ought to be. In marriage, you have made it a formal commitment, a formal and legal commitment to exclusivity. Therefore, jealousy should be reduced. Now, it comes up though in so many different ways, a man looks at another woman, and again, it is moderation. Men look at women, that is the way we are made. It is as instinctive as smelling a nice flower or biting into a yummy food. It is so basic that, frankly, you have to be a male to realize it. Now, I'm not saying women don't see attractive men,

14:36but come on, let's be honest. Both women and men look more at women. That's just the way it is. And the jealousy issue, oh, he looked at another woman or he was looking at the women in Victoria's Secret Catalog and, oh man, I am jealous. That's usually an unhealthy reaction. Now, of course, the reaction may be on a far deeper issue than that, and that is that you feel very insecure about your looks vis-à-vis the models of Victoria's Secret. If this is any consolation, every woman is insecure of vis-à-vis the models in Victoria's Secret Catalogs or a playboy or what have you. That's another subject for another time. I can help women out a great deal on that issue. As I have said, over and over and over, overwhelmingly women prefer men prefer, at least healthy men. I can't speak for unhealthy men, but for healthy men prefer a live woman

15:39that is less than perfect to a perfect fantasy. This is extremely important for women to know this. Now, at the same time, I think that a woman takes care of her body and who is married is saying in a very profound way to her husband that I love you. These are very difficult issues to confront. That's exactly why somebody needs to confront them because they are usually evaded. But don't be jealous of the fact in and of itself that he is looked at these fantasy pictures or these women or the catalogue or what have you. All right, let's go to more on the jealousy issue. And let's see here. Got a lot of good calls. You know, I will stay in Cleveland and take Steve.

16:39Hello, Steve, Dennis Prager. Dennis? Hello, Steve, yes. Yes, can you hear me okay? I sure can. Okay, I just had a headset on. Yeah, a long time listener for a time caller and this issue comes up quite often. People accuse people of being jealous when it's really envy. And I think there needs to be a clarification about that. Well, envy and jealousy are different. But envy is when you want what somebody else has. Correct. Well, I mean, that's an even then technically that's coveting. But envy is you have, I envy you your car. But there's no, I don't know if that's exactly jealousy. Right, but I hear people like they use it interchangeably. And they do use it. Yeah, that's why I'm sticking just to the J word. Right. And so it's a part of a relationship, such as even the First Commandment, but I, the Lord, I'm a jealous God,

17:40because we belong to Him, and therefore when in a marriage relationship, we belong to each other. The husband belongs to the husband. By the way, I thank you for raising that Steve. That is in fact a good example of how a biblical idea has changed my life. It's a really good example. If God is jealous, and I understand that these are anthropomorphic terms used, because we are anthros, we are humans, and therefore human-like terms will be used. Nevertheless, how bad could it be if God Himself is jealous? God wants an exclusive relationship, and to which He is entitled. And so I think that, hey, if it's good for God, by golly, it's good for us. So that was, that actually was a way in which I formulated by view that jealousy in and of itself is not a bad thing,

18:40but is in fact, but can be and is a good thing. But of course, there could be a hell of a lot too much. Let's go to Arcadia, California, and Susan. Hi, Susan, Dennis Prager. Hi, Dennis. Love you. Have your show. Thank you for both. I have three points I thought I could make. One is I've been married to a personal trainer for 10 years, and pretty much most of his clientele are women, and you know, they're wearing work to do with anything else. Oh, you're breaking up there. Are you traveling? I just pulled over, actually, I'm sorry. Good, good. Okay. He's a personal trainer. Most of his clients are women, and they're dressed, and then it became garbled. Okay. And I said there would have been plenty of opportunity for jealousy, had my husband not have the characters that he has, and he is very, very conscientious of our intimacy and our relationship,

19:40and I hear from his clients all the time that how he's glowingly speaks of his family and his wife. So that has been very helpful. That's it. That's it. I'm sorry. Go on, go on, go on. I do agree with you that jealousy is not only titillating in a relationship, but I think it's motivating, and I can speak for myself that I had gotten a little off track and taken care of myself, and the jealousy that I had motivated me to this year get in shape and lose 20 pounds, so that was a good thing. And my last point I wanted to make is, you did a show some months ago about men and how they are wired and that they look at women, and you said, go home and tell your husband, thank you for his fidelity. And I did do that, and I think it was fabulous because my husband just brightened up and like the change in his face was amazing, and he said, wow, thank you so much for acknowledging that and seeing that.

20:42So I have to thank you, Dennis, for that. You made my day. Ah. I'm really, I'm so, I can't tell you how happy I am. I'll explain why when we come back. 1-8 Prager, 7-7-6th the male female hour. This episode of Timeless Wisdom will continue right after this. Long before they hit the headlines. Right now, the AI buildout is driving massive spending in energy, data, and infrastructure. There is a way to potentially benefit from that surge without betting on a single textile. To get the full breakdown, visit planwithoxford.com. Again, that's planwithoxford.com.

21:42Now back to more of Dennis Prager's Timeless Wisdom. I like you to play. This is Dennis Prager. Hi, everybody. I'd like Sean to play. Do you have it ready? From that spot? Good. I want you to hear the end of the last call from this woman in Arcadia, California. I think she's in her 40s. Go ahead. Thank you. My last point I wanted to make is you did a show some months ago about men and how they are wired and that they look at women. And you said, go home and tell your husband, thank you for his fidelity. And I did do that. And I think it was fabulous because my husband just broke up with me. And I think it was fabulous because my husband just broke up with me. And he said, wow, thank you so much for acknowledging that and seeing that. So I have to thank you, Dennis, for that.

22:42By the way, one thing that comes to my mind immediately is that, what was the ladies name? Was it Anita? What was her name? I wanted to try to find that to Sean, so I'll be able to refer to her proper name. I want you to try to find that. Sean, so I'll be able to refer to her properly. I bet that she never went to graduate school. I mean that utterly sincerely. And I'll tell you why, at least in the liberal arts. And the reason is because of the distorted reality that is given over to women in particular, but to both sexes in the vast majority of cases, in the vast majority of universities, and that the longer you're exposed to these distorted view of life, the more pernicious its effects, this is what you would have been taught.

23:42A woman with a graduate degree would probably smear at this notion that a woman would say to her husband, thank you, honey, for being faithful. I know the battle that you have on an almost daily basis because of your Susan, okay. Thank you again, Susan. They would sneer at this, because first, you know, anything to thank a man for anything distinctive is immediately something that you don't do. But secondly, why should I thank him? He should be thanking me just as much. I have the same battles for fidelity that he does. This is the drivel, the utter and total. It's not even partially true. It's partially true for some women, of course. It's even fully true for some women, unhappily married women who stay faithful and who are sought by men, do have this battle. But men have this battle even when they are in love,

24:45even when things are good. And so, look at how that contributed to her marriage. The other thing she said, which was so powerful, which shows what a healthy woman she is, is that her jealousy of her husband, the trainer, was motivated her to get in shape. I mean, the guy works with women, you know, in Leotards all day. It's a good idea. It is a very good idea. But there's a third point there that I'm talking about. The subject of today's male female hour is jealousy. And here was a great example of where, A, he did not foster it. She made that clear. And men should not foster it. On Nor should women, obviously. But B, where she took that emotion and instead of pickling it and getting angry over it, it motivated her.

25:46That's, that's a great credit. That, there the credit goes to Susan. That's a very significant call. I don't usually review calls like that. All right, let me take some more here. Glendora, California, Bernard. Hello, Bernard, Dennis Prager. Hello, how are you, Dennis? Scala went to 10, a 7.8. Well, then I hope you work your way up toward 8 or 9. And I don't seek that. 7.8 is darn good. Go ahead. All right. Well, good. Well, listen, my comment is that I think the extent that we have pre-marital sex in our society undermines the element of trust between a husband and wife. And in that process, it contributes to jealousy. You know, I have heard this my whole life. I have never for a second related to it. So stay on with me and tell me why.

26:46I never got it. I never got it. And I may be atypical. I fully, I'm just being open with you, folks. So Bernard will explain why when we come back, 1-8 Prager 7-7-6. Hi, everybody. Dennis Prager here. The subject is jealousy. And it is a good thing in moderation. It is a bad thing when irrational and obsessive. And destructive, et cetera. You have to know when, again, the mind, believe it or not, even here, the mind has to ultimately be in control. But the absence, the complete absence of jealousy is not good either. And I'm going to return to Bernard in a moment, but I just want to remind you, based on the marriage improving advice

27:52I gave that the woman Susan earlier had spoken about. We have a compilation of 30 of my best male female hours on CD. I assume also downloadable. And you can call 800-225-8584-800-225-8584. It's about, I think, it could be extraordinary help. And fun and interest to anybody, married or not, 800-225-8584 or go to Dennis Prager.com. Now, Bernard raises an issue here that I have heard my whole life. And I have not personally related to. But it doesn't mean I may be the freak here. I'm just being open. I'm not being argumentative or even taking issue with. Bernard says that in this age where premarital relations

28:54are so common, that has increased the amount of jealousy between husbands and wives because so many husbands and wives had sexual partners prior to the person that they married. Correct? Yes, yes, yes. Okay, the reason. Even among themselves, it undermines trust. If they've only had each other as partners, even prior to my marriage. Because if you did it with me, then you probably did it with somebody else. Well, no, no. It just shows that you don't have the character in self-discipline. Now, what I would argue is that if humanity is designed in the image of God, each of God's character traits and his nature is most accurately understood within the context and limits of all the others. And so if fidelity is both pre and post marriage,

29:57it is undermined the totality of character. What does fidelity pre-marriage mean? How could fidelity outside of marriage be pre-marriage? Pre-marriage is like abstaining from sexual activity. Well, that's not fidelity, that's chastity. Chastity, but it's being faithful. To whom? To whom? To whom you would any character trait? No, no, no, no. You're mixing the word. That's why we have to be precise here that's just not accurate. Fidelity is to somebody. It can't be faithful to a trait. I mean, you can, but it makes no sense. If somebody watches his money, is he faithful? He's a very faithful man, what is he faithful to? He has bank account. I mean, come on. This is when religion doesn't look sophisticated. I believe deeply that we're created in God's image. I also I also have a different understanding of the concept like God We know good and evil That that's how I understand the animals are not created in God's image. They don't know good and evil

31:03We have moral choice animals don't anyway. That's how I understand it But putting that away faithful is to somebody or you could be faithful to God if you will but we're talking with humans Fidelity means faithful to a person Okay, I think Bernard's first issue is a legit one a lot of people feel jealousy vis-a-vis the lover or lovers that Somebody had prior to marriage My view is that if they really love you and you know that I don't see any reason and I do believe that reason and and and and The mind must play the dominant role here and and I I'm debating on this, you know how transparent here and what to say I What my view is and and we will talk about this enough. I've said this many times and I've told my kids this I believe that people should be

32:04should have some Sexual relations prior to marriage, but not into course. I believe that the line should stop it into course. That's the ideal All right, that's that's that's that's what I that's what I believe Because when there is no sexual contact you have no idea what Your chemistry is and it may be a disaster once you're married and I am more interested in preventing divorce than I am in preventing any sexual contact prior to marriage Hey, that that's but intercourse I I I hold has a a sacred status if you will and so that there are many ways of Knowing whether you can sexually relate without that specific act That's my position having said that I've never been of the school of you have to be a virgin I Don't never you know the preoccupation with virginity strikes me is literally primitive

33:11others will have different views, but To be jealous of the of the people who were intimate with my wife or my husband before we ever met and And he chose me I I would think the opposite I would think that you would say look He's had all these other women or she's had all these other men and She chose me She's not married to those men right she married me He's not married to those women. He married me now if the if the guy walks around or in in the middle of the night He's mumbling you know Erica Erica and your name is Jennifer Okay, that's an issue But unless it's prompted by something as obvious as that it's a non-issue You know, you know, this is to me one of those examples of gratuitous misery There's enough to be miserable about in real life without concocting

34:12ghosts To be jealous of All right, I'll take more of your calls when we come back again the number for the 30 male female hours is 800 2 2 5 8 5 8 4 back in a moment I'm Dennis Prager This episode of timeless wisdom will continue right after this Let me ask you something do you ever feel like the financial rules are different depending on who you are or years Washington has operated a two-tier system regular investors are told to stick with the basics while well connected Insiders get access to opportunities most people never hear about now a major AI driven build-out is creating a new Income style opportunity tied to that ship to see what it is and how it works visit plan with Oxford dot com That's plan with Oxford dot com Now back to more of Dennis Prager's timeless wisdom

35:14You say hello to Dennis Prager here by the way the number I gave out is just for the CDs and that are available not not to get on the show 800 2 2 5 8 5 8 4 is for what I mentioned earlier in any other CDs. I just just you should know Not to speak to me and not to speak on the air. Okay All right, let me go to more calls jealousy is the subject. This is clearly a very very significant issue and let's go to Mark in Glendora California high mark Dennis Prager. I don't Dennis good My question or is what's your explanation for when a woman or a man are jealous of their partners best friend who is the same sex

36:22And they're not threatened by sexual orientation or whether they're going to have sex with each other or that is that all right Is that because I are you the friend or you the husband? Um, it's not I don't have a case. I'm not in a relationship. Oh Oh, but you've seen this happen. Is that why you're asking? Yeah, I've seen In some of my previous relationships or some okay. All right, so here very simply there's not a lot of time So let me just very quickly say this There are times where there can be There can be some legitimacy to such jealousy if vast Lee great Greater amounts of time are spent with the friend If if you're home and you're in bed with your wife and you call up your friend for a half hour in bed and you do that regularly I could see where the wife would have a reason for jealousy Most of the time that I have encountered this it is it is not been triggered

37:24But the rather is perhaps an irrational part of a desire to own the husband or the wife I think it's a magnificent thing if my wife has a girlfriend I love them. I love that she likes them But yes, I could imagine that if if truly I felt that time for me were in great amounts taken away Yes, I would have I would have a jealous reaction not of them but of the time And I could see that in a woman But what you do is you embrace the friend and then bring them into into your joint life Jane and Henderson, Texas you have a few seconds you say your husband goes one step further than just looking at women What is that step If he sees someone they think is attractive he instead of walking around them he'll bump into him where they have to turn and look at him Oh, yeah, that's all right. Yeah, I need to talk to him Jane, I really do that. I agree. I just wanted to know what example you could give I would love you to call in

38:29On on Friday I wouldn't that people can call in on anything I'd love to talk to you about this. This has been the male female hour. I certainly hope it's helped This is the Dennis Prager show don't go away This has been timeless wisdom with Dennis Prager Visit Dennis Prager.com for thousands of hours of Dennis's lectures courses in classic radio programs And to purchase Dennis Prager's rational bibles Your beloved dog and a stranger are both drowning you can only save one Who do you save every time Dennis Prager asks that question his audience splits three ways one third chooses the dog one third chooses the stranger and one third aren't sure why Because we live in an age where increasingly feelings define right and wrong But if morality is based on emotion then murder rape and theft are just opinions

39:31And if people feel justified why is rioting or destruction wrong at all in his new book if there is no god Dennis Prager explains why civilizations cannot survive without objective morality And why Judeo Christian values shape the moral foundations of the free world If you claim that certain things are good certain things are evil Independent of how you feel about it. You are in effect affirming God if there is no god by Dennis Prager Available now at PragerStore.com. That's PragerStore.com