The Office Is Open

0:00Lemonade For decades, a shadowy organization called the Lemonade has kept lemon on top and lime in the shadows. Look around, lemon-forward sodas, even lemon-forward songs. We ran the tracks, slowed them down, reversed them, and squeezed out the truth. A pale lemon! That's lemon propaganda right there. But now, seven up is fighting back with their new lime lemon soda. Join the seven uprising. Flip this up. On any journey using Uber, it helps to know you're getting into the right car. Pin verification adds an extra step to make sure your ride is your ride. Before the trip begins, your app gives you a unique pin. Just tell it to your driver and they'll enter it in their app before the ride can start. Hey, what'd you pin? Mm-hmm. 2538. That way, you know you're in the right car taking the right trip, and your driver knows you're the right passenger. Make sure your ride is your ride, with pin verification from Uber.

1:02One more way Uber is putting safety at every turn. Learn more on the Uber app. Ask me! Ask a laser anything it's time to ask! Ask me on your question! Leave them in the Instagram, comment section! Leave them on your Twitter or leave them on your Facebook. We'll see them. We'll read them. Then we'll give you answers. You know it. I've got it. I've got the answer. The answer! You asked me! Ask a new image! Uh-oh! Uh-oh! Help! Help! Help! I went to a heated workout class this morning. I'm no stranger to heated workout classes. This one was with red light as well. It must have been like 115 degrees. And you just felt like you were in a chicken incubator. And I was wearing shoes, which I never were to work out. So maybe that like traps some of the heat.

2:04And I, it was so much sweat. It was so hot that even I was like, this is perfect. Because I had a meeting right after. I was like, I'll take a shower. I'll bring a cute gym bag. I'll bring all my toiletries. I'll shower. I have wash and go hair. I'll just go. I'll show up so chic. I could not stop sweating in the shower. I had to put, that's the worst feeling when you have to put on your clothes. Over your clean body, but that is sweating. Your feet are sweating. I went to get an iced coffee. I still, my face was so red. It looked like I'd had a chemical peel. And I like show up to this meeting. I was wet hair. All of me just wet. Underwear is wet. Hair is wet. Face beat red. I'm like, sit down. Like I was positive. I was going to like nail it. And it was like not cute, not chic. You said you don't wear shoes when you work out. No, I do Pilates or I do Matt classes. Like you don't need to wear shoes. That noise is back by the way. It could just be in my headphones. But just in case you're listening to this pod today and you hear what sounds like a tiny, tiny rat.

3:09Having a very small conversation behind me. Just know it's Emily's fault. It might be mine broke first. So then years broke. I don't know what's going on. We're sorry folks. At the end of the day. You hear it? You don't hear that. At the end of the day, we are just two girls trying to like troubleshoot tech that was not in the job description. It's so much tech. It's so much by making our setups better. We made them vastly more complicated by having a light plugged in and a camera plugged in. And all these extra accoutrements. I know you're gonna talk to a bunch of people. I know you can't do it. I know you can't do it. You can't do it. I know you're just trying to get the idea to do it. But I know you can't do it. I know you're not doing it. And it's not to do it. That's not going to be nice. I think it's because it's going to be great. It really doesn't work well. I just you know, I really resent the subsession. You always have to look at someone. It's a podcast like we need to see your face. We want to see if you fuck up. We want to see your face. I'm going to see your face right now. And now everyone's got to show their face. Because Gen Z needs to study what emotion looks like.

4:09I'm like, oh, you don't care about like the thoughtful analysis. Like they don't, especially me, he doesn't care about your thoughtful advice. They want you being like, oh, look up, this tree fell and then I farted. They want you to fuck up, name check a celebrity, say something racist on accident, getting trouble, capture you being cringey. Like they just are in it for the shot and Freud of it all. And I embarrassingly enough put Instagram on my head, like Noah was gone last night. My kids were asleep. I was like, you know what? I'm going to have a digital cigarette. I'm going to turn on my Instagram. And I watched content for two and a half hours. And I see the chemical change because Noah came home and he was talking to me. I was like, excuse me. This is my time. He's like, wow, you get really testy. When you're looking at Instagram, I was like, why are you talking to me? This is my time. You had your time. You went out with your friends and now I'm watching a hippo eating a pumpkin. Ooh, that's good content though. I watched this woman. Here's the thing about the internet. The internet has cool ideas, but you really, even with AI,

5:09and this is for everyone who's a little less internet literate out there, even with AI, you always have to check your sources. Because oftentimes AI is pulling from websites written by AI because real websites have like a traffic cone up. They're like, you can't send your AI crawler in here to scrape for information. So a lot of times it's just AI talking to other AI, getting their info, spitting it back at you. But it wasn't really written by a person. Nor has it been checked. I'll just say a woman put a bobby pin on her forehead and it's stuck. And she was like, see, because of our third eye or whatever, we're amazing and we don't even know it. We're magnetic. If you stick around for our Patreon, I will explain to you what that is. And I will show you if it actually works. But all I had to do was go online and Google it, and then the internet gave me the answer. So just be aware of Kookie women who want to attribute to all things being spiritual. And you're like, actually, just drank some Nike will and that got rid of my cold not praying over it. Well, when you say AI doesn't check itself,

6:12it hallucinates, it makes things up. Never. The worst is now the Google, the top of Google has things made up. And somebody who's not super computer literate might not understand that if they Google something, the top chunk of text, it could be a lie. At one point I googled like, Billy Zayn, something, it's like, oh, he was in the mummy. I was like, no, he wasn't. He wasn't in the mummy. That was our novoslo, a different bald guy. All right. It's not your podcast. It's not about movies. Speaking of the internet, which reminds me of a computer, which reminds me of work, we have something special for you guys today. You have written in so many questions about workplace issues that we have decided to open up our own business for this episode. Today our business is solving your workplace drama. The office is open. It's time to give you. Office advice. Ha ha ha. God will make that nice. I am excited for this because I've been waiting for us

7:12to circle back, loop up, sink, get some synergy going. Yeah, answer some clues. Close the loop, circle back. Close the loop. We're getting our deliverables together for this next launch. So tell you what, pop some of that like office fair use popcorn, open up one of those mega barrels of cheese bites. You get it off his depot, log on to blue jeans, slack check teams, teaming, breaming, krill, didn't we'll huddle? And didn't we'll huddle, run it up the flagpole and log on? Because we will check to see if you're being productive. And yes, you have to be in the office for this. You cannot work remotely. Here are your office questions. Gather around the office supplies adults. Office nightmarries. Feliz Navidad. Potential workplace catfish from a Patreon listener. Ooh. I32 female and the customer success lead for a government contractor company in a foreign country, not the USA.

8:17Our staff regularly visits various army locations in the country to deliver items, mostly office supplies. I love that. Two technical maintenance work, etc. Someone's got to get those highlighters. Yeah. Recently, the locations we service have implemented a stricter security policy, which means one of our staff members can't enter. The staff wasn't given the reason and was told he needs everyone on our team. He needs to go to local police to clear his profile. I am in charge of ensuring everyone on our team has access at the right time. So I've been following this closely. It's been three weeks. There's been no change tonight. I was scrolling on LinkedIn and I saw his profile under another name completely. I don't want to dox him or anything. So try to give his best to comparison as I can. His name that I'm aware of and that I've seen on his ID is two first names from different countries, similar to David Geraldo. His name that I saw on LinkedIn is similar to Sam Chopin, regular first name,

9:24alcohol brand second name that sounds like it could be a normal last name out of context. My question. Do I tell our shared supervisor about what I found out he has always given me a weird vibe and maybe I'm reading too much into this, but it just adds to the oddity of the situation. My husband says stay out of it, but I need to ask big sister your opinion. Thanks for reading and for the podcast. Well, this man is being denied access. There's like a security clearance issue and you're not aware you're not privy to the details of the security clearance issue. Correct. So we just know they're saying he can't enter their they haven't been given reason. He needs to go local police and clear his profile and nothing's happened. So I assume he hasn't gone. It sounds like a him issue, but it also sounds like it's a little bit above your pay grade. I don't think you're doing anything wrong. You could even bring it up to him unless this guy's like a sleeper cell terrorist. You could be like, Hey, I was on LinkedIn and I saw these two things.

10:25I'm trying to get you on like care to elucidate. Like can you say something or give it to your supervisor? Because that's important information. You didn't do anything wrong and it's public and it's like, why would you have two completely different names? And it's preventing him from joining your team. So he's either I know something illegal or like a DUI and he switched his name. You know why? Oh, well, I don't know exactly why, but I've seen this before I've read about this. There is something called, well, they call it overworking or over employed over employed where people will have multiple remote jobs or jobs and separate LinkedIn profiles for each job where they'll use just a middle name for one so that they, but it's the same thing down from the two jobs, but well, exactly. The real recommendation is don't have a LinkedIn profile, but certain jobs require it. And then I bet the issue this guy is running into is there are certain sites where you can like lock down your employment history so that somebody can't search you and see you're being

11:27paid by two companies. I bet if he did any of that, it's set off a red flag. So what I would say is if you like this guy, go to him first and say, Hey, I saw a second LinkedIn profile and he's going to clean that shit up real fast. But I don't know. I sounds like it's not that big of a priority to get him into the building or it would be it's up to him to get himself. Like he needs to go to the police and sort it out. And if he doesn't, then he can't work here anymore, but it could be that it's not something scary and it's literally just he's secretly working another job during his work hours. Yeah. I also wonder if is he American or is he like a local contractor? Because it could be like an extenduative circumstance where like he needs to make money for his family and he's just doing the best that he can. So maybe not in the spirit of outing him. So you can either go to him or go to your boss and be like, I found this. Do you think the fact that you don't have the information as to why it's an issue is weird, but also every government operates differently. And it could be like a simple passport thing. It could be the added DUI and you can't go into Canada, you know, if you're operating under your jurisdiction as his boss, I don't think everything to worry about.

12:31And it's a little odd that your husband's like, stay out of it. You're like, this is my job. I would talk to your supervisor about it. Right. Like, Hey, I my job is to get these people into these locations. This guy can't get in, but it's not going to go clear this up. What do we do? You probably have to fire him because it's like, Hey, dude, like this is a part of the job is having this access. And if you can't get that for a reason that you are not disclosing to us, then perhaps we hired you under false pretenses. It's very real possibility. So what is it? How did they find out if they were aliens and men in black? Just don't they had little guys inside them. Didn't one of them melt, didn't salt melt one of them and then they had little guys in their heads and then remember the guy that needed to water. I don't know. Maybe rewatch men in black and come back to us. The first one remind us how they found the aliens, um, check in on Linda Fiorentino and report back. Find the woman, the one woman, the one up Olympics, the one woman to the one

13:32up Olympics highlights an Emily. I guess it's rocky. Ah, so works. It's it's a you could do that and then go lift up the torch. Yeah. Highlights and Emily, long time fan of the podcast, I would like your advice on how to deal with a coworker at my job. I am 30 years old and working my way up in my HR career. When I was hired for this position, I was six months pregnant. On my first day, they told me they hired someone to temporarily cover for me when I am out on maternity leave on your first day. Yeah. Well, she's hired months on the first day. Pregnant woman, good for them. Okay. You're clearly very good at your job that they brought you in and already you're like, okay, and this woman will cover you. We'll train you guys at the same time and then you'll come back. Like good work. Okay. The woman they hired as a temp is an older, retired teacher. The plan was she would only be needed for when I was out and then her contract would end when I came back. A month before I left on leave, she went to our boss saying she wasn't happy because as a temporary employee, she does not receive any company benefits.

14:36Health insurance, PTO, et cetera. I can't help but think she leveraged my maternity leave become full time because my job didn't want her to quit right before I left. So right before I left for maternity leave, that's weird though. That's what you were. Why would she? I mean, that she's done the somewhere else too. 100%. She came in on this. No one knows how to game a system, by the way, better than HR employees. Like she knew what she was doing. So not not our question asker, this other woman. She's like, I know I'll be leaving, but I don't want to have to leave you before I have to leave you. So you better make me full time so that it can be the defeat the purpose of my job in the first place. And whatever, whatever paperwork she signed, now she's like, well, they need me. They've trained me a minute. This was a woman's leaving. Let's see what I can get. So. So right before I left for maternity leave, they hired her full time. When I approached my boss asking for clarification on their decision, they said there's enough work for two people in this position. I express my concerns because I disagree. There is not enough work.

15:36I found myself bored with no work at my death for most of the time. My boss promised I would have work when I come back from maternity leave. Right. So this woman comes on, she's full time, year full time, even though you're both doing the same job. And your boss is like, there's plenty of work because this woman's going to blackmail me and you're like, no, there's not. Now I'm just sitting here running out the clock until I can even go have a baby. I'm probably fretting about when she gets back. Mm hmm. As for my coworker, she doesn't like me and constantly tries to make me look bad. From the beginning, she's not been willing to communicate with me on projects. And one we would meet with our boss on our weekly check ins. I would talk about what I was working on. And she would not share anything about what she was working on. Eventually, we were competing for any tasks that would come our way. And there was tension building between us because of this. It came to a head when I noticed she completed my work without my knowledge. I was working on updating a PowerPoint presentation. And when I logged in one day, it was completed. A similar thing happened when I was working on preparing information for summer interns.

16:36I logged on to work on it and it was completed. I finally went to my boss to express my concerns about our communication issues and told my boss, I'm wanting to talk to my coworker about how we can work together and increase our communication. My boss was okay with me talking to her about it. I asked my coworker if she had time to talk about our teamwork. And I talked to my boss first to control the narrative and to let her know I'm wanting to improve. I made a calendar invite and we sat down. When I asked her about the projects that were completed without my knowledge, she said, well, it just needed to get done. I remained calm and I provided a solution asking from now on if she would ask me before completing my project. If I need help, we can work as a team. I was met with crossed arms, deflection and anger. I was surprised that this older woman was being so mature about the issue. Also, I'm not stupid. I know what she's doing. She's trying to show me up and make me look bad. My question is, how do I make the best impression going back to work after maternity leave?

17:40I am afraid that when I go back to work, she will have ownership on all the tasks and think she is more valuable than I am just because she has been covering for me. I really like everyone else I work with. The company is great and will support my career growth. I am excited to go back to work and really dive into growing my career. How do I minimize this woman trying to one up me constantly? Yes, love your podcast brought me a lot of comfort. My baby boy was in the NICU for two months. Shout out to all NICU parents. State, strong, love, anonymous. Well, part of me is like, were you taking too long? Just part of me because this woman obviously has nothing to do but this job. And this is attached to herself worth. This wouldn't be the first time we had a question about like a much older person at a company real-roading someone. Remember that one question we had about the woman that's like, I'm so busy. I'm so busy. You're just like, and like, this is like her whole job. There is that, like your identity, especially here in America, like being tied to your work. And she, but she also, is there a way to look into this woman's past employment?

18:43I know she said she's a retired teacher, but like, this is an odd vibe for a retired teacher. Yeah. Is it the health insurance thing? You might find out this woman's like, I have a serious medical issue. I can't lose this. But you were hired to do a job. And it's a bummer because as a worker, it's like, oh my god, here's a worker who wants to work. Like you're dying to work and they're not giving you anything to do. What do you do? I think there has to be a come to Jesus with her in the room and your boss. And you can just be like, this is not only unprofessional. It's unacceptable. I was hired to do a job. You hired this person, gave her my job while I was here. And now we're both doing a job that quite frankly, there's just not enough room. And I do my time, my job in the allotted specific time. And her coming in and finishing my work without me checking it, it doesn't help anyone. It just frustrates me. Unless you're getting your stuff in late.

19:45Unless you really do take those really long weekends and a full Monday to check it on to say, I don't know. But there's something else going on here. The big problem in your boss is shitty. That's the big problem is that it has very little to do with this other woman also trying to fill her time. And I honestly can't begrudge her for being like, hey, I'm here working. I want health insurance too. Like, hey, they cow-towed to it. But your boss has put you in a horrible position that you went to them and said, hey, so we're having all these issues and there's two people doing one job and they were like, it's fine. You're, this is probably why they needed so desperately to have HR. You have to stay calm, bring her in because she's not going to help you. She's not going to go 50, 50. And you can be like, here are the times that I said my work would be done Thursday. And then Wednesday night, she completed it. Like, do you have like time stamps of this? And, and the say, I do, she's like, you needed to get done. And you're like, and I was doing it, you're not my boss. You don't get to decide when deadlines get moved up.

20:48And to your boss, either privately or in front of this woman, just be like, this is not tenable and this is not a job where I constantly, I'm in fear that someone's going to do my work. So I never get a chance to have a body of work. It's almost like I'm being punished for having a baby because you replaced me while I was pregnant, gave into this woman. And now there's two people doing one job. So I'm going to walk. I mean, this woman is like, I think you might have to even threaten that. Don't let it get to that. But is this how you want to spend the rest because she's not going to let up. She just wants this job. I wonder if there is a situation like, so when you guys are each taking tasks from this bucket and you're fighting tooth and nail to get a task, then she's just hopping in on some two people shouldn't be working on one PowerPoint. That shouldn't be happening. Like when something is given, why are even making PowerPoint? There needs to be some sort of online tracker where it's like, Hey, this is on my task list. So it's not on yours. So you should not be there's no reason for it to be touching your projects. But if your question is full stop in front of your boss, it needs to be like, I need

21:50confirmation that like my work is my work. And I can start to build a body of work. It is unacceptable for you to jump in. Well, because guess what? If a mistake is made, it's going to look like your mistake. And if the question is, how do you, when you get back, basically secure this spot that you both are fighting over, I would guess this woman is going to rub people the wrong way while you're gone. And if you come back and could, I think she's already back. That's like she's already back. She's not quite back yet. So she's worried about what happens when she gets back. Oh, you still have to do all this because she's not going to give up that help. But I think that just being a pleasant person and being communicative and easy to work with is going to go, she's going to shoot herself in her foot if she's acting this weird. I mean, if you have a talker that you could be like, you're supposed to be my coworker, like this looks like it's just coming from a really strange place that you don't like. Did I, I don't, I think, fuck it. I think, first of all, you don't know what you're going to get when you show up. But if you show up and it was like it was, you go right to your boss and bring her in.

22:51Don't even give her the grace. But you're not back yet. I thought this was all after your back. No, but now she's prepared to go back. She's, he's not about going scorched earth, but like, sometimes people, Glen and I were talking about this the other day, like people act crazy because they know they can get away with it. And when you full stop or like, I see you. And this is, and I'm not fucking taking this. Then they're like, oh, sorry. So she's acting like this apart, like away from your boss, like bring that boss in and be like, let's talk about this. How violently inappropriate it is. Well, that you not only like buried yourself in my job, but you won't let me do my work and you're finishing my work. Be great too if she fucked up and you can be like, see, you misspelled misspelled. I mean, if it nothing else, be doing it in track or like Google Docs and stuff where you can see who did what edits, but I guess who wants to like, that's so litigious. That's such a dumb girl thing. I said, I think you know, you should do letter, finish it, then go back in, fuck it all up and be like, this is the work you did.

23:52Like what are all these racist slides you had? Gaslighter maker feel crazy. Whether you are a designer with an eye for curation or you're moving into your starter home or you've lived in your house a while and you just want to juz you up a bit, you need to check out article. Sometimes I go on articles website and I just browse the furniture and imagine all the different versions of a living room I could have. They offer curated range of mid century modern coastal and scanned inspired pieces that shine on their own, but also pretty much pair seamlessly with any other type of decor. I got this Joplin table lamp. It's ceramic and it's in the color evergreen. It is $99 and I just think it's fun. It's different and it gives me a warm vibe and it goes with everything else in my house. What I love about article is that it's high quality, meaningful pieces and the price is just perfect. They're meticulously packaged. The weight and the feel of the product is substantial and article offers fast, affordable shipping across the US and Canada. And with articles 30 day satisfaction guarantee, you can shop with confidence

24:54knowing that if you're not completely in love with your new furniture, you can easily return it. Whatever your home, whatever your style, I promise you article has something beautiful waiting for you. Article is now offering our listeners $50 off your first purchase of $100 or more. Declaim, visit article.com slash Eliza and the discount will be automatically applied at checkout. That's article.com slash Eliza for $50 off your first purchase of $100 or more. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. We get thousands and thousands of questions on this podcast. And I do my absolute best as a licensed standup comic to give you answers from my heart. Emily and I always try to empathize and do our best. But the truth is we're not doctors and we may have life experience, but we've definitely never written papers on the human brain, right? Sometimes you guys writing questions that are so complex or point to an underlying issue. And my hope for our listeners is that you're pairing your fun, ask Eliza anything, listening experience with talking to a real therapist. That's why we are such supporters of BetterHelp, who also support this podcast. Better is a feeling defined by you. And for BetterHelp, it's a BetterHelp therapist who really gets you.

25:57It's a focus on global emotional well-being with thousands of therapists and millions of members in over 100 countries. It's progress. So while ask Eliza anything advice is great, you should really talk to someone who totally gets what you're going through. And you can find that someone at BetterHelp. Sign up and get 10% off at BetterHelp.com slash Eliza. That's better, H-E-L-P.com slash Eliza. Every bold journey starts with a decision to go. And if you're ready, the defender is too. This is a vehicle built for more, whether you're heading off the grid or just getting out of town for the weekend. Defender is a true icon reimagined for a new generation. Its rugged exterior is built from durable materials and tested in the toughest conditions. Inside, it's modern, functional and refined with smart storage and premium touches that keep you comfortable wherever the road leads. It's packed with tech like 3D surround cameras, clear sight ground and rear views, driver assist features and an intuitive infotainment system. With three models, the Defender 90, 110 and 130, there's a defender for

27:00every kind of adventure from city streets to remote trails. This is a vehicle that, like you, is capable of great things. Explore the full Defender lineup at Land Rover USA.com. Okay. Our next question I want to get into because I think it work. Very rarely does anyone ever think they're doing a bad job. Everybody thinks they're pretty solid. Oh, this is the teacher. Yeah. And this is such an honest question because nobody ever, like I've never had anybody say to say to me anything honest about not being good. And I've known so many people that are bad at their job. So our, no one in the history of this podcast is ever milling. I'm not great at my job, but I love it until today. Right. And so our lovely emailer Abby, she gave her name and she said we can use it again. What a, what a person. What a chance. I love my job. Why am I so bad at it? Highlights of baby arms.

28:00No beach hot Scotty Glen Milley, cue the Omelie track. Glen Milley and the rest of the pod crew. I've been a fan of Eliza's now for a little over 10 years. I've been listening to the pods since the beginning. So it's it. So we know this is a smart person. I am 30 years old. And about six months ago, I got a job as a college instructor in a program I recently graduated from. The program is specialized and accelerated, lasting 18 months year round and all the instructors are clinicians in their field, meaning none of them hold degrees in education, slash teaching. My first term of teaching or terms are only two months. I got some not so ideal reviews, most of which were understandable since this was my first time. I've ever taught anything. I was devastated at crush my confidence. Last term I worked my ass off to be better. I would spend eight hours at work, come home, work an additional two to three hours, preparing notes, grading assignments. About halfway through the term, my boss approached me and said a student pulled her aside and essentially said

29:04all I do is read off the PowerPoint slides and they didn't feel their time in class or at school was valuable since they learned more from podcasts and videos. Her boss came in one of my classes and observed me after hearing this and ultimately said she had no concerns about my teaching style. This was a relief. But when I got the reviews back from last term, they were even worse than the first. A lot of them basically said I didn't know what I was talking about, which for some topics was true. Pointed out my difficult why are they letting you teach? Who's paying for this? Pointed out my difficulty. Yeah, I guess the scalpel goes wherever you got to put it. Well, so we've cut some things out of the female because it's very long but she said when there were questions or topics she wasn't as familiar with, she would go look up the info and then get back to the student. So it's like if somebody asked something and she doesn't know it, she is taking that question going home, finding out and coming back to them like it turns out it's this, but she just doesn't have it all in her brain.

30:07So you got to have the answer. Okay, you got to have the answer. But here's right there. Work gets tough. Okay, so didn't know what I was talking about. Pointed out my difficulty with pronunciation of some words and said that they had to go home and teach themselves the material every day because all I did was read off the slides. Okay. I balled at my desk. There were good reviews too, mostly talking about my sense of humor or my ability to build rapport with students. Actually, a lot of them said they really like me as a person but not as a teacher. Because of this feedback, I had to write up formal goals, submit to the higher ups to prove that I have an action plan in place. I have such a deep passion for the job and I want to succeed. Why? So badly. I've expressed this concern to my co-workers, boss and her boss. They all seem to be supportive and truly believe I can improve. I pour everything I am into this job. I work so much. I don't have a social life. I don't even know what to do with myself when I have free time.

31:08I am so busy chasing approval from these 20 to 50-year-olds. 20 to 50. I guess the students and other teachers, bosses. I haven't told my friends because I've always tried to be successful and everything I do, so to complain about how much I'm struggling feels like admitting failure. How can you tell if something is hard because it requires you build a completely new skill from the ground up or if it's hard because you're not meant to be doing it at all? I really don't want to leave, but I also don't want students to feel like their time and education are wasted because of me. I cannot see myself doing anything else that I would love this much, not to mention something that gives me as much financial stability. And I know that sounds ridiculous coming from a teacher, but believe me, it's hard out there. I really hope you guys have some big sister advice since I look up to you so much. Have you ever gone through anything similar? Should I wait this out? Hope it gets better or spare future students from feeling like their choice. An education was a mistake. You can use my real name, Abby.

32:12Well, Abby, could I sue you for being a teacher? And that's great that you have a passion for it. It is a little funny that you have a passion for something that you are so bad at. And it's also wild to me that all these teachers like just keep at it. And you can have 10, you're like us. I think here's a weird thing. If you're working this, and I don't know what the subject is, but if you're working this hard and you're spending time at home and you're mispronouncing words as a student, I would lose faith in you immediately. And because to me, that is, that shows me like you are reading this for the first time. So my question is, do you maybe need to work smarter, not harder? Because, God, I just remember this friend I had who had severe ADD. And she had a lot of other mental issues. But she wouldn't be like an assistant. And she would just spend, like they'd be like, all right, go home.

33:14And she would spend hours there, like just trying to complete regular tasks. And I'm like, there's no way that this job requires. It's not even like a high up executive. Like there's just no way it requires this much after hours work. And you're putting in all this, all this into your lesson plans, which is so great. But is there a way to make them these lesson plans more tailored to the good feedback you get? Taylor the more around rapport and interactions and being funny, while still knowing the source material. Because something's not adding up. It's almost like you're just doing a lot of work, but you're not, you're not being an educational facilitator. You're not giving the everybody can read the slide. I never, that's like when a waiter, I'm like, oh my gosh, tell me about this dish. And they just read to me the description. I'm like, I'm not a literate. I can read the description. I wanted to know your take. So you read it. And then you have to give them things that are not in the text. I don't know, is this like an instructional, I don't know what kind of class this is.

34:15But I think the question is always ask yourself, what can I give these kids right now that they cannot get? The podcast thing is irrelevant because that's not verified. You don't fucking know the person. That's a very Gen Z, deeply ignorant thing to say. We do learn a lot though from YouTube videos and people like that. And part of education is having to digest other people's bullshit, other teacher's styles. And because that's what businesses, you're not always going to be paired with people who think exactly like you. But I would be pissed too if I were a student and I showed up and my teacher was just reading off of a slide that they may have spent poured over for hours. But I'm like, I don't need you to read the words that are in my textbook without giving me new information or telling me why that is what it is. I think you're absolutely realized on work smart or not harder because what I think what's happening here is you're, you sound like you're a delight, you're very fun, but that your, your presentation skills are not as polished. So I think the word thing is really hard pronouncing a word wrong. Even though it means nothing about you as a person, I, I was literally talking

35:20about this in therapy last week that I can't trust the new person who does volunteers at the animal shelter because all their emails have typos. And I'm like, I know that isn't a skill like I'm more, I want them to care more about the animals. But every time I get an email, I'm like, what? You're in charge. Anyway, all of that means that you are making maybe your power points too long. Are there 30 words on there? Put one and you know the rest. What you need to do instead of adding more and more people. Again, nobody wants to look at a power point. No, you need to be in your off time when you're doing all this work for them. Present this information without the power point there. Present it. Can you talk about it conversationally when someone asks you a question and it's not in the order that your power point is going, can you answer it or just throw you off your robot, a Tomaton going down here's the list. Yeah, I hear you're scared. You're repeating things instead of understanding them. Like it's you've never I had to know you understand this material. That's right. And that is a big issue in education is students get rewarded for repetitions versus like truly understanding an idea. Is there for two things one, can you watch other teachers and see their styles?

36:24And two, because you're so focused on your own, why don't you take a beat and see if someone else is doing something better? And two, talking to your students like, what can I do to help you guys understand this? Because I think what we're getting to is you may not understand the topics because if you could understand it, then you can explain it. Maybe it isn't reading it off of a stupid thing. Maybe it is just saying it and then the kids can go read about it later, broaching discussion, keeping it fluid. Does everyone understand? Is there anything I can say to help you understand that what do you guys need for me to help make these ideas clear? Because whatever you're doing isn't working and there will be no reward for, and this is just like Hollywood, like a put, I work so hard, it's like gives a fuck. It's not breaking through. Yes, you stop killing yourself over this. But less on the power point. You can't change it. Look at that first. Can you have half the words on their PowerPoint so that they just those visual cues so that they're not sitting there watching you say exactly what's up there? You can say the same thing. It was on there. It's so second. It can't be up there. You just need to break away. These are all these little things,

37:26the words being pronounced wrong. They actually don't have a lot to do with the work, with the actual content, but they all have to do with how you're being interpreted. Sorry, no, you need to pronounce the words correctly. You do. You do. All of them. Their faith is shaken. And once you think your teacher is an idiot, you can't hear anything. They're saying whatever the teacher does. Yeah. Once I think the teacher doesn't care, once I think the teacher's not paying attention, any institution that doesn't hold itself to like a higher level, I'm like, oh, this is the I don't need to be here. Yeah, I do. You got to start over. Yes. And I think it's a good, I don't think it's a bad idea to ask them like, hey, let's try this. Does this type of learning work better for you guys? Do you like when I do this? Because at this point, like who cares? Ask them. Be vulnerable. Ask them. What's up? But what she did? She has the answers. No, it's also not on the students. I'm already paying to get this information. I'm not going to tell you how to do your job. But I think in changing the approach, once you broach the subjects of the day,

38:30asking other questions, what can I do in this class time we have to help you? Can I recommend something? It sounds like the material is perhaps not that deep and you maybe don't understand it at a certain level. And that's coming across. Like when you're a kid in the teacher, you're the answer book. You're like, do you even know what two times 12 is? What do we think, though about the fact that the boss's boss came in, watched her teacher and said, all right, fine by me. They could be a bad teacher. And she may not be doing anything wrong. Yeah. Like that could work for people. But if you're getting this feedback enough, you need to change something or give this up. Yeah. But thank you for being so honest and kudos to you for being so self-aware. I'm caring. And caring. The fact that you're like, I don't want to waste these people's time. I really respect that you're not just out there. Like, I just want to get my paycheck. Like you want to teach. So let's figure out how to get you teaching. It just can't be that you love it. I don't really know what you love since you're so about it. But it can't be that you love it so much. And there's no way to get better now. Like passion really is 910s of the law. Yeah. Dear. After years of listening to every episode of this pod,

39:39seeing a lies and person watching every special sketch, a movie, cameo performance, etc. I think I can contribute a new question. Finally. I am 41 years old. A mom to a 14-year-old and an eight-year-old son divorced, but with a long-term boyfriend. And I'm your average corporate baddie. I wear heels, curl my hair, have a laptop bag, a lip combo, enjoy Pilates, meal prep every Sunday and commute to the inner city to use terms like process engineering and risk mitigation. I wish I had used risk mitigation in the intro of this. I wish I curled my hair. Well, after 15 years of working in large corporate environments, I'm about to start my first fully remote role. I'm an IT program manager and I'm switching industries from aerospace and defense to travel. What? I feel like we need defense people. What do you do? No, then she put a little chorus of angels. So, you know, I'm sure it will be more less difficult.

40:40Help me help me with my canceled American flights. My commute was an hour from home. That's eight hours a week in the car. So I'm suddenly getting a lot of my life back. And while I'm thrilled and this is absolutely by design, I'm beginning to realize that I'm going to lose a lot of the structure that I had taken for granted. So I have a question for each of you. Eliza, a lot of your work seems to require you to create structure and discipline for yourself. As I trade barking lots, access badges and conference rooms for a 12-foot walk to my desk upstairs, how can I recreate that quote compartment that I once had? How do you make the mental shift to write, plan, work, when your family and domestic interests are right outside your door? Are there any rituals or markers who used to make that transition? Do you work out first dressed in a particular way or anything you do at the end of your work sessions to specifically decompress? I've rely on a long drive for a long time. I don't want my work or my family to suffer through the transition.

41:41Emily, I'll do my questions so you can also answer that if you would like. I am moving into a company that has entirely remote. This is new to me. I know you've managed an enormous amount of work, communication, and technical coordination online. From a tactical perspective, how do you build relationships and trust when everyone just wants the meeting to end? Do you have any tips or trips for navigating an office that doesn't physically exist or is the real win here that I get to let go of those water cooler moments and just focus on getting my job done? Thank you both for helping me recenter and keep my perspective. Work life balances the point of this shift. That's why you've got out of defense. I want to make the most of it. I will still listen to the pot every Wednesday, even from no longer long haul truck and love to singleize it in Hanover, Maryland, Kellen. Kellen, have you tried making a PowerPoint presentation? No. You want to go first? Whatever you want to do. I can go first if you would like to close. Okay, I go first. Yeah, I will close. I'll close this question. You still need to have those

42:45water cooler moments. Here is the problem. You now have to see them. I miss seeing other people it is hard for me. You have to work twice as hard to establish relationships with people because guess what? No one wants to answer your emails or get anything done for you if they don't like you as a person. It is a key piece of business. It is the only reason I get hired anywhere is that I'm like, look, I can do some things. I can teach myself some things, but I'm a delight. And so I go out of my way to connect with the people that I never see in person so that it's not out of sight out of mind because otherwise you were going to be forgotten. You were going to be first laid off. You were going to no one's going to reply to your email first. You need people to like you to work. So you've got to put in that find ways, message people about things they have in the background of their Zoom. Don't keep them after, but like slack chat them if you think of something funny, they would like share a cool article with them, but never be like, hey, let's get together and just talk. Don't bother them, but you do have to go out of your way to connect. It's very important.

43:48And maybe even saying that up top. Oh, yeah. Like if you're running a team like, hey, guys, I do not want to ping you at all hours of the night. I do not want to make you sit on a Zoom call to have like a team water. Like, here's what I don't want to do. I want to treat everyone. Like, they're going to get their work in like, I want to keep this cool and casual. I'm not like, just kind of letting them know up top. Like, you're a cool mom. Yes. And I feel like that goes a long way versus like, God, we don't need to have one on one. I expect that everyone will get their work done. I'm here. If you need me, we can do a check in once a week, but like enjoy being remote. And do a little bit of the game of like, don't shit talk other people, but do a little bit of like, hey, that crazy thing that happened in that meeting, like the things that you can relate to people about really do cement you in their mind as trustworthy. I disagree with that. You should always find a common enemy. And you could even make one up be like at my last job. I had someone they were checking constantly. I do not want to be that way. You level with them because I'm going to tell you something. You are going to start to really enjoy all your free time and you don't want

44:52to pepper it with like endless slack chat, whatever it's called. As for your structure, I think should have gone on a limb. Some people do need structure, but structure can look like all different things. And I do wonder if your desire to have it, it's almost like you're like holding on to the edge of a cliff before you jump off. You're like, but what if I put these things in place? Just give it a beat. I think you're going to enjoy, I don't know if you get up with your kids or if they make themselves breakfast or whatever. I think you're going to enjoy. Have your cup of coffee, make a breakfast like we're women. We need to have food before we do everything else. Enjoy being around your kids a little bit in the morning. Take some time to stretch. You work out, look at workout class at 8 a.m. Do it nearby. Commit to it. So like that's on Monday. I always go to this class on Tuesday. I have this thing. And you can still have the structure of like, you're the things that I do so that I can get ready for work, right? And get your coffee. And then you can have office hours. Your kids aren't at home because they're at school. You have your office hours. But

45:55what's great is that if you need to go run an errand, you can. I would let those things come to you. Have office hours. Have a sign on your door for when your kids get home. And if that sign is up, it means you're on a call or you're doing something. And the rest of the time, it can just be open. I get interrupted a lot. I'm very good with getting interrupted. I also work on several things at once. And part of the trade off of this weird job is like both Noah and I like kind of never stop working. I'm kind of always answering stuff. But it is self-propelled. Like very rarely is it. Like you have a deadline and you've got to do it. Give yourself a beat to kind of find your footing. And if you need to put structure in place, great. Be like from three to five, I'm working. And then give yourself a break. Maybe check your email at six. You know, I for a corporate job, I don't really know like does everyone log off at a certain time. But you worked really hard and you should build in some things that you enjoy. I'm getting lunch with a friend. I'm doing this every Friday. Every Thursday I go to this bakery. Every Tuesday, I meditate for 20 minutes. And it doesn't have to

46:56be hard and fast. You don't strike me as the kind of person who's going to wake up and just like staying your pajamas, although that's totally fine to do. I sometimes I sit at my pajamas all day and I still work. Have a designated workspace. You do need it. Even someone like me, like I need my office is where anything from comedy goes, I do not have it in the rest of my house. This is the space. And when I come in here, this is my workspace. But you don't have to be rigorous. You don't have to be so stringent. Things are going to come up. And in a year from now, you're going to your boundaries will have softened. To that point, set expectations early as in don't set expectations. So do not come into the job, checking your email at 11 p.m. at 3 a.m. at like set the expectations right from the beginning of how you want this work, work life balance to go. And because otherwise, people are going to expect it from you. Well, you're at home. So you can answer whenever. No, there could be that set your hours. Six o'clock. It's done and don't respond. You know, it's hard if you're someone who works a lot like me, like you got to fire it off. But like,

47:59because you don't want to be the person sending out the email at 2 a.m. like, hey, we're just thinking about this. You're like, oh, you're a lunatic. Cool. Even though I do that. But yeah, set up your routine. A great way to have structure is to set workout classes that you're already paid for. Yeah. Something about the end of summer always makes me want to purge my closet. I want to get rid of stuff and the older I get and the more I travel, the less I want and need and the more I want to just be flexible, nimble and have simple basics. And that is why I love quints because they make elevated everyday essentials using premium materials like mongolian cashmere, organic cotton, and washable silk. And they have beautiful designs that are timeless, thoughtfully crafted and made to be worn again. Their 100% mongolian cashmere sweaters started just $50. So I get the softness and quality of cashmere without the cashmere price. Quints also has premium stretch denim, leather bags, footwear and beautiful 14 karat gold jewelry. And I'm telling you as someone who loves

49:00essential jewelry, I have a pair of Quints gold hoop earrings that I never take out. Everything at quints is priced 50 to 80% less than similar brands. They work directly with ethical factories and they cut out the middleman. So you're not paying some random guy in between you and your beautiful products. Not just a peril. Quints also has essentials for bath and kitchen and thoughtfully designed furniture. Find the fall pieces you'll reach foremost at quints. Download the Quints app for app exclusive offers or go to quints.com slash Eliza. Get free shipping on your order and 365 day returns now available in Canada and the UK too. That's qu-i-n-c-e.com slash Eliza. line. Lemon soda. Now line comes first. Seven up. Flip the set.

50:04On any journey using Uber, it helps to know you're getting into the right car. Pin verification adds an extra step to make sure your ride is your ride. Before the trip begins, your app gives you a unique pin. Just tell it to your driver and they'll enter it in their app before the ride can start. Hey, what's your pin? 2538. That way you know you're in the right car taking the right trip and your driver knows you're the right passenger. Make sure your ride is your ride with pin verification from Uber. One more way Uber is putting safety at every turn. Learn more on the Uber app. Okay, now we got again to the office of the hospital because obviously, as we're mostly people work within hospitals, cat medical. Urgent question. I need big sister career advice. Yes, I'm a nurse with a master's degree, but I need big sister advice on this very unique situation. I have been in my current position

51:04at the same hospital for four years. During that time, I've applied for several other positions within the hospital and never even gotten an interview. I honestly started wondering if I was being blacklisted because my current role is difficult to fill and no one wants to do what I do. What do you do? I find is it like poop, poop fell in my head. I was just like, oh, the bed pan cleaner. I was thinking like, no, that can't be a job. She's like, no, I have to agree. Okay. I finally got an interview for another position with great hours that would allow me to be home with my children more. I was off for the job, accepted it, and told my supervisors and the physicians I work with that I was leaving. One of my attendings, Dr. Grant, initially responded very playfully to my email. The next day, though, she confronted me in person about leaving and asked what she could do to make me stay. Later that same day, she approached me again. This time much more aggressively and told me to make a list of everything I would need or want in order to stay. She even said she would

52:06quote, block me from leaving. So I made a list. Honestly, I intentionally asked for things I thought would be impossible to make happen. She called me the next day and asked if I could make all these things happen, would you stay? I felt put on the spot and said, yes. Now I have a meeting next week with my boss in some higher ups that just discussed my requests. Here's my problem. I feel like I'm being bullied into staying. If they actually agreed everything I asked for, I would have a better schedule and more money and some major improvements to my current position. But I also know, do you not want that? Well, I also know the other nurses I work with will eventually find out what I received and I'm worried it would create resentment and a toxic work environment. On the other hand, if I let everyone go through this process, they prove my requests and then I turn it down, I think this position is going to be furious. And because she has already told me she could block me from leaving, I'm worried she could interfere with the new position. Part of me wants to contact her now before the meeting happens and say, I really appreciate everything you're trying to do to keep me.

53:07But after thinking about it, I've decided that leaving is still the right decision for me. I need you to respect that. Another part of me wonders if I should at least hear what they're willing to offer before I walk away. Oh man. Oh, big sisters. What would you do? Do I stop this now and stick with the new job I accepted or go to the meeting, hear their counteroffer and make my final decision afterwards? Am I crazy for feeling like I'm being bullied into staying? First of all, the next time you talk to the attending doctor, you need to do it over Zoom with AI transcribing it. Because I don't know how someone blocks you. I don't know if it's a threat. I don't know if that's something that she would want in writing and that doesn't seem right. But you, you deserve to know all of your options. Like if you are this high valued, you should be able to weigh these against each other. And this part of me is frustrated that it's that you're like, well, what could I get? But the question is even if you got all that, it doesn't seem like you'd be happy to stay. And I don't know why. That's the question. You needed, because it sounds like you didn't go like big enough in your, I mean, businesses will sometimes have like basically like a

54:11fuck off amount or it's like if you ask somebody to make a cake or whatever and they really don't want to. They're like, fine, it's $10,000 because it's like, I don't want to do this. But you know what, if I'm going to do it, I'll do it. And I'll get $10,000 for a thousand dollars cake. So did you ask for enough? If what you asked for wouldn't actually make you think it, then it would be a no brainer. If you asked for enough that it would make you want to stay, it's a no brainer. Here's the bottom line. The question is, what are the reasons you wanted to leave? And if they're fixing those reasons and they're making it tenable, maybe you need to look at it with fresh eyes. But I've done that thing where I get my fuck off a mountain. I'm like, I really still don't want to do this. So it does sound like you don't want to go. I appreciate the respect of like, I don't want you guys to go through this, but they're not jumping through hoops yet. It's just a conversation. And quite frankly, you're allowed to weigh your options. And in doing so, they're all showing their hand about how much they want you. You need to do what's right for you. That is totally unacceptable that she said that to you. Do not. And I think it's worth it in the meeting to be like, I want to be

55:13transparent. And I want to give everyone the respect of not jumping through hoops. I'm weighing this other job. I think that it's better for me. I don't know the reasons you're leaving this job. You know, is it a personnel thing? Is it just the other job seems more fulfilling? I think you can be transparent in these things. And I always say this like, whenever I have to do something kind of shitty, like whether it's cancel a show or do something. Or I always find that it helps to say to someone, I wanted to give you the respect of letting you know ASAP before it created more work for you. People really respond to that. You need to decide in your heart at the end of the day. Like, where do you see yourself in a year? It doesn't sound like you could really see yourself here with this because it doesn't sound like you were under bad conditions and you weren't getting paid enough. You're just like, I found a better job. So if those two things are not equal and deep in your heart, then making it better still, you still want to explore the other job. Then it is in your

56:14best interest to like, in front of people with her there be like, Hey, I know we're having this meeting. I really appreciate this. I create like, you don't have to give them all the reasons, but I'd like to take this other job. And I wanted to let you guys know this before you jump through these hoops because I do respect everyone here. And I don't want there to be any bad blood. Let her say that to you in front of everyone else. She probably didn't mean it. Yes. I think if you're saying that if they gave you everything you asked for, you still aren't sure if you want to stay, you don't really want to stay. It sounds like also she's like, if I can make this happen, if and so that means it could be three things. And then she's like, let me work on the rest. Okay, the holidays were coming up. Like you'll get a promotion next cycle. Yeah, we just have to get this. I just need one other person to approve this raise. It would all need to happen immediately. And it would need to be in writing. Do not let them promise you a few. Yeah, in three months when we re or you're going to know, no, no, no, no, no, no.

57:14But you're also within your rights to sit down and have them be like, we will make this happen within a week. And it's in a, you know, we can't put that in writing, but you're within your rights to do that. So I think you have, but if you're wishy, washy, that's how you upset people. Yeah. So I think either it's tough because you want to what they have to say, but you have to decide like even if they gave me everything, that's what you have to decide. Even if they gave me everything, would that matter? If it would, then fucking play ball and get the most you can. And if it wouldn't, do you know how hard was it for you to get this new job? I mean, you say you thought you were blacklisted within your company. Now you went to this outside company. Like, would it be hard for you to get another job in a year if you keep this one and everyone does grow to resent, you know, I don't think it works like that. Like, that's not right. Like you're giving them plenty of notice. You didn't make it like people leave jobs. Like you're making their lives easier. These are the doctors and you're the nurse making their life easier. But like if you're a lovely person and you, and you're really respectful and you do good work. Yeah. They don't have a like to stand on. No, no, no, no. I just mean,

58:18if I'm the other nurse, I'm pissed. I'm like, what do you do? How do you get this? Oh, oh, that's the other thing. As far as the other nurses, sorry, because they would have done it too. Sorry, you didn't get it. Sorry, you didn't like, sorry, you didn't ask. At the end of the day at work, you got to remember when they fire you, they don't give you two weeks, two weeks notice, you know, like they don't care about you. Don't make the mistake of thinking that those nurses aren't also getting things that you don't know about. And please don't act like we're all sisters and we're all going to be super transparent about what we're getting. And if they could get better hours and more times with the family, they would. Yes. So only women think like this. Like, oh, I'm going to have said, go get it. And if they wanted to ask, they would have asked if they had the power to you. Yeah. Yeah. No, don't crabs in a buck at this. You know, like, you got to get out. But if you weren't good, you wouldn't be worthy of all this stuff. No. And when you wake up to, and this, I don't mean to sound like there's like female empowerment thing, but I only know this from something that I did recently. There's this show that I've been doing for years. And I kind of

59:21just like always let them pay me whatever because I was like, it's about the work. And then I was like, actually, I know that people like, I know I bring a lot of value. And I need you to pay me a lot more. And I named and they started paying it. And I was like, consider this back pay for all the years that you fucking took me for granted. I think this is a perfect situation for a coin flip genuinely. If you say heads, I take the new job tails, I stay at the old job and you flip it. I think you'll know, like, like, you know, when she's like, you're pregnant, just kidding, you are. You'll know how you feel because I think there's something about this job beyond the pros, cons, like, like, smart, like money, time. There's something else. It's nagging at you. And I don't know what it is, but there's some reason you want to get out. You need to come to Jesus. You got to get centered. But still take that call with that. Just be aware of your own feelings. Maybe you want to get out because you're working with a doctor who would like, ban you. Maybe that's like the weird juju. Okay. We actually had someone write in,

1:00:22analyze it. You loved when we got it right in about skeletons. It was kind of like, hey, you know, a big skeleton, like, what's the thing you see that you're kind of like, what's up with this? So we had another one of those where we've kind of been playing around with this last segment of what is our, like, a fun thing that we can share and that the audience can share with us. So someone wrote in and said, I am a straight man in my 40s who loves the pods. Slash stand up. We do exist. I am here for all the drama, specifically the unplanned banter at the beginning of episodes. I had a suggestion for a small segment, tacky trends. I had listened all eyes ago on and on about a tacky trend that's happening on the webs. Personally, I am so tired of people clipping everything they say. You're telling me you cannot talk for two minutes straight. Why are you cutting the video without changing anything? I get that people like a polished product or whatever, but come on. If you cannot talk straight for two minutes, that's sounding like a dumb person that perhaps you shouldn't say anything at all. I like the idea

1:01:25of a hot taker. Fight me. Those are fun. Like the new edition does a cab about just general observations too. Is it just me or does a dance tutorial not actually help you dance? Turns out I still have no rhythm. Thanks for listening. Keep up the great work. Scandinavian alien. Doesn't help you dance. Remember, hi, I'm Kim. This is Hip Hop. Have you seen those videos? The clip thing is interesting. A couple of things. One, it is an editing style that Gen Z definitely did not invent. I have been clipping up thing because it helps the brain, like the timing of it. Sometimes if there's a cut, your brain can reset versus like kind of blabbing out. Not everybody who talks on the internet needs to talk for a long time or needs to speak in person. I work in a long form, art form, plays or long form. It does train your brain to expect more like serotonin hits, but it is always funny when comedians have to cut it up or when they cut up their crowd work. And I'm like, was it that shitty in the middle that you had to cut that out? You couldn't just be funny the whole day. You know, it's a built-in. It's now Instagram edits has a button you press to remove

1:02:31silences and it clips it for you, which I was like, I guess that's what you're supposed to do. Rough stuff. That's why people don't watch full-hour specials anymore. I've watched my whole empire crumble right in front of me. My whole work, my whole life's work, my whole format. You know what I think are tacky? He brought up tacky. Weather orbs. They're like those iridescent orbs that people put in their lawns on like rot iron stilts. Yeah. It never looks nice. What's it? It's very like, it's just for like looks like it doesn't do anything. Just because you say weather orbs, I'm wondering does it tell me something? Nope. And that's definitely now what they're called. And now I'm looking it up and it's not. Okay. For lawn decorations. You're doing lawn orbs. People, here it is, weather resistant abstract gazing balls. Gazing balls. Is there a way to show this? How do I do this? Yeah, it's said me a picture. I'll just send you a link. Okay. Here it's this. And then maybe if people watch this on YouTube,

1:03:33you don't talk about it, you see that? Did you send it to me? Yeah. If you look up like plow and hearth gazing balls. Oh, yes. Yes, get it known like a person. I just grabbed it. It's awful. Any lawn ornamentation as whimsical as it can be is truly awful. Like a cement bunny, the mushroom, but these orbs, you see them. They're up there with like metal art of like like stick figures. Yeah. Like it's just it just it makes me feel like the vegetables in your garden are gross. Well, and your flowers are stinky. In the same vein, I have a general negative instead of a bottom of the cob like, like general observation. And I'm wondering, I've been scared to voice it to you because I'm like, what if it just is like my algorithm and I'm free? Okay. I feel like these videos where it's it's always women and they're doing characters and they're doing them and then their child talking to them and it feels like fetish content. Like there's this whole

1:04:34weird thing where they're like, oh, hi, Braden, how are you doing? Hey, mommy, I spilled something. It might die be. Well, Braden, we need to and then like, there's always some punchline, but they're doing both sides and they'll put their hair and pig tails and they'll like crouch. And it's like this whole comedy where I'm like, is this it's not funny enough to be a pair to be a comedy sketch? And it's supposed to be it's always hashtag like comedy, funny, parenting fail, you know, but it always feels it's never funny enough where it's like, it's like, why did you do this whole thing? I mean, was that you that told me about like people who post pictures of their kids and it's like kind of cloaked porn? Like you're a kid eating like a long popsicle. I mean, that's also a thing online that's a problem, you know, just never post your kids basically unfortunately. No, but like specifically putting your kids and things that are like seemingly innocuous and try to like, but the issue there, the big one there is anybody who runs their kids

1:05:38like gymnastics account because they'll want more followers. So they'll cow-tow to the gross men that are like, nicely a tard and they'll post more photos of their child and a leotard. That's it really kills me because it kills the innocence like both of my kids were in the bath and they're like little like white ham to choose were like popping out of the bubbles. I'm like, this is so delicious. But to post even like a baby's butt, I remember I did it once with Sierra like holding her because it's the most innocent, delicious, sweetest thing and people are like, how could you? And they were messaging me. And I'm like, the fact that that's where your mind go like, it's a baby's butt like if we can't show this and have it not be sexual, that's on you. But see that predators. That's why I've been scared to bring up that I think this is fetish content is because I'm like, am I a sick freak? Like there's one that's a step above that that I wonder if you've seen, which is a lot of white millennial influencers who do short form like reels and TikTok content do themselves in high school and they'll like put their braces

1:06:42and they'll put fake like highlights and stuff and they're like me when I was listening in sync thing. And it's like, you have three kids. I think it's just like a little bit boring. I think that like some people just are not naturally funny and some of it the content is like millennial nostalgia. You're like, oh my god, that is how I felt. That was the first time I saw AJ's product in his hair. And I was like, oh my god, my my my why were I guess you have braces in high school. Like we're off by now. I mean, I think there's millennial core content and then there's always the fringe. And I think if you're thinking, I don't think you're wrong. I think the world greatly underestimates the currency that is a child trafficking, be fetish porn. And that's like in plain sight. Right. Well, and I guess it's also like it just because it's not funny. It's like, imagine you're so not funny that someone thinks you're making fetish content. That's so fucking funny. Like, oh my god, I thought I thought you were just trying to get me off. I thought this was like, oh, this was meant to be a joke. I stand up. That's even worse.

1:07:48Okay. So you okay. Top. Sure. Okay. Well, I don't like this better. I feel like it's just like one like negative weird thing you notice about your life or about whatever. Now a positive thing. I'll read a top of the cob to kick us off. Just to talk with a cob. We're doing it right every day. Just take a bite. Top of the cob. I thought this was this was sweet. Okay. My fiance just agreed to spend our honeymoon in Scotland and England. It's been top my list of places that I've wanted to go. I love all the legends and beliefs in this part of the world. I am so excited that I get to go with him. I love all the legends and beliefs. I have Scotland is so whimsical. I mean, Scotland, they're their national animals are unicorns. Yeah. Fucking great. You can have some tablet and some tea and just let your tea throughout and look at all the greenery. I fucking love Scotland. Yeah. My top of the cob, honestly, is anytime I get to explain deep weird internet lore to someone,

1:08:49like us talking on old coworker the other day. We were talking about something about cut and mean from that Rolling Stone article. I was like, do you know what that gen gum is? Do you know what that is? Gen gum? It's a drug. Gen gum. Gen gum. It's huffing to fermented shit in a bag is a drug. It sounds like a prison thing. It's a wild or like a hick thing. Right. But there was that one, like Croca deal. Because it's carbon carbon monoxide. I don't even know what comes off of poop. Yeah. It's fertilized. You know, Croca deal is the one like people's skin would sluff off. And I'm like, and that was explaining, do you remember the bubbles? This is another fetish. It's your top. This is my fetish. This is not my fetish. I'm sad. This is this is my top. I like having this weird spreading weird, unimportant knowledge. Yeah. Well, I think it helps to color and inform because like nothing is 100% false. Like, there's a kernel of something. Yeah. Even if that is something, like there's,

1:09:52it came from something. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know. I love the iceberg thing where you're like, here's the tip of the iceberg and here's the how deep the conspiracy theory go. I love that stuff. I don't believe. Like you're just like, let me just hear it. And then you're looking at Instagram and it's like, did you hear about like the McNamara twins in 1985? I'm like, no, and there's a reason. Yeah. Because I don't need to know about these two girls or eight-throwed dads face. Right. My top of the cob was just when you get like the perfect net crack. Like, like it, it just like resets your soul. You're like, you're available for you. Sometimes you just, just need it. Just the perfect. Sometimes it's too much. It's like a little sour. You're like, it was so good. But like sometimes if I'm turning like a strong turn, I will let the force like this integral force of the car. I'll go with it and I'll let it crack my neck. And I'll audibly you'll hear me just go like, nature's crack. You're just doing your going around the block fast as you can.

1:10:52Just if the next is a strong turn, I'll just lean in. Not when I'm driving and you just like let it crack your neck. Let let that's integral force crack your neck. You guys, please don't forget to like and subscribe and share the show. I know that I always ignore it when people say it on other podcasts, but it really does help for a cottage industry like this. And if you're listening to an audio, just remember, we're also on YouTube so you can see our faces. I did put on concealer. I feel like I don't look as tired as I am from that burn class. And we're here. And this, this was a fun theme episode. So let us know if you like that. We're probably still going to do another one. Do we have enough to do a second office episode? Or is that too much? We'll spread it out, but yeah, I'll start compiling for one. All right, the office is officially closed. You are on the page now. On any journey using Uber, it helps to know you're getting into the right car. Pin verification adds an extra step to make sure your ride is your ride. Before the trip begins, your app gives you a unique pin. Just tell it to your driver and they'll enter it in their app

1:11:56before the ride can start. Hey, what's your pin? Mm-hmm. 2538. That way you know you're in the right car taking the right trip and your driver knows you're the right passenger. Make sure your ride is your ride with pin verification from Uber. One more way Uber is putting safety at every turn. Learn more on the Uber app.