Sunday Papers with Greg and Mike 9/13/2026 | Greg Fitzsimmons

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2:01Everybody everywhere. I don't think you're supposed to say this, but I forgot. No, you didn't. I never forget. I did forget until a boy was brought up a lot then and then the US opened two Americans, two Americans in the semifinals. They made a big deal about that. That was a big deal. Which one were you pulling for? What's his name? There's Tiafo and there was Tiafo. Tiafo. Sheldon. I wanted Tiafo. Yeah, I think I think a lot of people wanted Tiafo. He's, you know, he's the American story. He grew up poor in Florida or somewhere where his father was like this. It was like the super at the tennis facility. The only reason he got to play tennis as a poor kid was that they saw him and they took pity and they gave him lessons. Are you kidding me? Yeah, yeah. He literally would sleep in the training facility.

3:05Wow. Yep. They probably saw his extraordinarily high butt and thought, man, this kid might be a sick athlete. The craziest thing is there was this kid Jimmy right now who I grew up with who is the spitting images guy. Not only does he look like him in the face, he's got that thing where the butt sticks out and he walks on his toes and like even his face, it's fucking crazy, except he's dead. Jimmy right now was lynched. He was lynched. He was in the military and he was selling his car through the newspaper and some red neck came to his house and because his wife was white, they killed him. What? Yeah, it was an Arkansas. Okay, boy, what a what a turn from I know from our later 9-11 talk. I Jesus Christ.

4:09Look at this man, both of these guys, right? Mixed well Ben Schultz mixed race. I don't know about TFO, but Orlando, that's where they say that Shelton, Ben Schultz residents is in Orlando. But yeah, went to college and Florida. So both of these are Florida men who played last night in an amazing match. For sets, I was really hoping it would go five. Yeah, I don't understand. If you're a female tennis player, how do you how do they explain to you? All right, the boys are going to get to play for five sets. You guys only get to play for three. Like where did that come from and why does it still exist? But the boy you're trying to beat me into saying they're weaker. The boys would love three. Yeah. Well, so many of these matches went five sets.

5:12I've watched almost every single match in the US open, which gives you a lot of sense of how busy my career has been lately. So the number one and two seeds in women's are in the finals today. Right. Yeah, like this afternoon. Right. And they're both. Here's the thing about these Eastern European women, you know, Savalanka and Kiri. Whatever, do you know whatever? Yeah. Is that they are, they remind like Savalanka reminds me of member in Rocky IV, the Russian guy. No, I can already tell you. No, but go ahead. You don't remember this. It was that famous Russian actor. Anyway, she's like a machine. She's physically what Hitler would imagine. Tall, beautiful face, high cheekbones, perfect teeth, perfect body. She does not get affected by losing a point. She brushes it off so fast.

6:13She might get a little frustrated, but then you see are the American female players. They are all headcases. They all have breakdowns. It's exhausting to watch Coco Gough that it's a rollercoaster of her getting angry and giving up and then fighting back and, you know, and she's always coming from behind. I mean, I love her and I pulled for her, but you see why these Eastern European women make it into the finals. They're Ivan Drago's. I forget. It's based on his name. You know, I actually don't think I ever saw Rocky IV, which is sacrilege. I get it. But yeah, anyway, it's been great to watch. I loved at one point yesterday. Shelton started yelling at the chair on fire. He really made a scene and everybody was like the crowd started booing because they always boo when the you yell at the chair on fire for some reason. And Johnny Mac was announcing the game and he goes, he's 100% right.

7:16He's got a very good point. He was right. He was right, by the way. Yeah. And but what he also then did is like John Mac and Rowan, unlike most players, he used it to successfully fuel his play. Oh, he won the next two points. Yeah. Oh, and like very forcefully. Yeah. And that's what Mac and Rowan do. A lot of people like, you know, it's not good to be distracted like that and to have that release also of energy. Well, that's like the most annoying version of that was that guy, Kirios. Remember the guy from Australia? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And he would literally yell at the chair on fire yell at his box, his coaches. Like after every point, he'd yell at his box and it's like, okay, dude, enough with your fucking neediness. Play the goddamn match. All right, switching gears. You know, we have a story in this podcast about our little and like first inaugural beach concert

8:20in Santa Monica just canceled. And all right, I've been on the road. I get back Monday. But what were you there for this rain? This hurricane? Yeah. It was, it was very intense rain. It came down hard. It is funny though, because like grown up back east, those storms just happen all the time. I know. But the problem is back east, the water is absorbed back into the planet and out here, we're on a desert and it's all hardscape. And all the water just runs out to the ocean and it creates, you know, the waves create erosion, but also the water coming and off these sewer pipes that are basically taking all the water that lands in LA and not recouping it even though we have droughts every other year. And it just lets it pour out into the ocean. So I actually went in the water yesterday. Ooh. And I wrote some waves and it was like a lot of little trash floating around.

9:23Oh man. Yeah. I know everything, and especially because it's the first kind of rain of the year, which is normally in November. Yeah, they have a name for that, the first rain of the year because it basically takes four months worth of exhaust from the streets, dog shit, you know, every little debris, gum wrapper, all of it gets washed into the drains and straight out into the ocean. And I don't want to give people fodder to shit on California any more than they already do, but this is a major problem in California. All right. So the other thing is, and we'll just leave it be, but I would have, there's tons of posts that I've saved the Instagram has sent me on the erosion on the beaches now. Here's what so few people even know. And I think I brought this up on the podcast a few weeks ago. So few people in LA even know this. So our beach that we go to in Santa Monica in Venice, you know, none of that sand is from LA.

10:24It's all imported. And when I found out that really, yeah, there we go. And I also probably did talk around the podcast and you still don't know it. Yes, all of it is imported. It is a rocky beach. Like if you ever seen the surf break at Topanga where it's rocky and you were ruined your surfboard that day. Well, there's also that one down, I know that Santa no fray. And so yes, so it's a like that. So if you Google, I think it's Laguna. Laguna's beach with his famous white sand cove. There's no more sand. It's a rock shelf with rocks everywhere. No, everyone in Laguna is like, what are you talking about? Like we didn't even know this was here. We didn't know there was rocks here. We thought it was sand is I mean, kids must have dug down to the rock is what I'm thinking. Like how much sand could have been there, but it's all gone. Plus like the sand near where you live is deep.

11:27It's like it's like 500 yards deep of sand from the ocean to the parking lot. Oh, yeah, you mean that way. Right, right, it's a wide beach. Yeah, 500 might be exaggerating, but 200 is quite you want to get at some points. It's probably 200 yards to the white water. But you know the whole East Coast is the same way. The whole Jersey shore all the way down to the Carolinas. All of that is the Army Corps of Engineers has these massive ships that dredge sand from the bottom of the ocean and they shoot it onto the beach. And every year the hurricanes come and they take it away and then we spend billions of dollars pumping that sand back on. Why? Because the big business owners, the tourist industry is fucking funding the government. Because if you think about the revenue generated from these from these beach, it's nowhere near would have cost to keep propping it up by pouring the sand back on the beach. Well, I mean, no beach, no Jersey shore.

12:28It would just be the Jersey. Oh, wouldn't that be delightful? Where would the Italians go? Yeah. They were going to be filling. Speaking of beaches. So I went out fishing in Montauk with Jeff. So Jeff listens to our podcast and he doesn't like that you and I poke fun at him. You first, I got to explain who Jeff is to our listeners. Oh, did I not just say my step brother, so my step brother, Jeff, is a captain? Off Montauk and he took me out 30 miles offshore, which is, you know, I trust him and all that. But for those who know Jeff, they probably think I really was pretty careless with my own life by going 30 miles offshore with him. But a couple of jokes as I sat there, by the way, I just sat there for like an hour just banging on this boat down. Yeah, yeah, not talking about it. But some of the things I would think about is like, I thought I would be like slipping

13:31on all the squid and mackerel that are all over the floor of his boat and I have pictures of it. But the only reason it, no, there's no slipping at all because of all the fish hooks that are also on the floor of his boat. And then he does is for a living. He takes people out on boat on fishing trips. And he cleaned it for me. I'm not kidding you. I hold on. Here's a couple of pictures. Jeff, just fucking calm down. I'm just, this is funny. And I'm just, by the way, and these are all true. So there's also that. So here is the, the, where he drives. This is, uh, and it's like it's stage. Oh my God. Like, if I was doing a TV show, I'd be like, oh, and there's like, in there is also like a pill bottle and all this stuff that's in there. But anyway, that's the whole thing. And then the floor of his boat, I don't know if you can see the rusty weights.

14:36This was not stage. At one point I'm sitting there and I look down. I'm like, let me just take a picture of an unstage where my feet are. That's on the floor. It's hooks for those listening. It's hooks and lures everywhere. And an ox. Yes, yes. Yes. Some beautiful things. I mean, look at Montauk as unbelievable. And we caught some, we caught some fish for sure. Some Mahi Mahi. There's still around there. Is it Mahi Mahi? There is. Mahi, ahi. There he is. Wow. That's a nice one. Yeah. So how long does it take to get 30, 30 miles at? That must take two hours. All right. So that's the floor, right? Now if you go up to that part, yeah, that part, what you don't see is, uh, it's a bag of mackerel. It's just a bag of mackerel sitting, uh, sorry, it's there. Did he then sell that fish to a restaurant?

15:37No, you don't have to get more. Also, I should probably shouldn't say that because I think it's illegal, but we did not. He knew, I think it was like an older woman who lives out near there. So he fileted him, cleaned him and it was very nice and brought him over to her. Nice. And gave them to her. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that was good because we wanted to. Jeff's got a good heart. Oh my God. Yeah, I told him that. He's one of the, he's one of the best people. He's one of those guys. It's just, he's a victim of all his ADHD and his dyslexia. He's got all that stuff, but underneath it. Uh, yeah, he's, and he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, a funny comic. He, he really was a very original voice when he was doing standup. You got to give him that. Oh, yeah. I mean, I remember his bits because he's so aware, self aware and honest about his complete immense, I guess what they call executive function abilities. And so I remember one of his jokes was he went to a, like a job hunter and a career consultant.

16:42And so they give you a big questionnaire to see what your strengths are and what you might, what career might be good for you? And his came back that he'd make a strong hunter gatherer. Does the test come with a time machine? Yeah. And, uh, well, one of us, it's worth telling again. I've told it. I apologize so many times, but it's one of the best stories ever. And if it was in a movie, it would be too unbelievable. But it is a true story when he was very little. He went to an ADD school of specialized and it was way ahead of its time. It was called Stephen Gainer, private school elitist in New York, in Manhattan. And dyslexia was very new and that's what they were learning also. He wasn't only ADD. He's severely dyslexic. And so they brought him in and he went in with his mom and then meeting with the headmaster and the headmaster goes, Jeff, you know, I have really good news. And Jeff was very, very worried and concerned about the standardized testing. And they're about to take the PSAT and she goes, Jeff, I have very, uh, I have very good news.

17:43And he's, yeah, and he's like, you are going to be able to take this test. We just got this passed in New York State. You're going to be able to take this test untimed. And he looks at her and she like, like, nods like, can you believe it? Looks over his mom and his mom's like, I told you it was really good news. Like she has that expression on her face. And he's like, so I get to leave early. It's the greatest thing ever. The greatest thing ever. And that's real. That happened. Oh my God. You know, speaking of the hunter gather, my, uh, my son has a new girlfriend in New York. Oh, and pretty early into the relationship. They decided to go on a camping trip up in the Catskills. And I thought, you know, what better way of kicking the tires on a new relationship than a camping trip? You know, yeah. And I was telling my sister about it this morning. And she's like, uh, yeah, these days, you want to know that like, you're with a prepper, you know, like you want to know that if you go into the woods with it with

18:46your new girlfriend, that, you know, she's going to come out of the forest with like, you know, topless with a fucking carcass on her shoulder and she rubbed blood on her face. Like it's, it's really like, it's a great test of a new relationship. I think she also wants to know that she comes out of the forest at all. Exactly. That's a good test. Yeah. Yeah. Um, but she has a pierced tongue apparently. Oh, wow. All right. Yeah. Oh, and don't kill her in the woods. That's a keeper. Yes. Also the identifier from the, uh, the pierced tongue. Yeah. Exactly. Um, all right. Let's get to the logo this week with some Jane asked one of our old friends from the show who's done, uh, probably more logos for us than anybody in the history of the show. Uh, I put this one in because it's Kauai and it was just a big storm. This whole storm storm started and Hawaii. So that's our Hawaii logo. I think that was a separate one. There were three hurricanes in the Pacific.

19:46Anyway, we're in for a ride, but Hawaii got hit. Yeah. Kauai in particular got hit really hard. Um, the song this week from Jeff Snyder, which, uh, you know, look folks, we're looking for songs. I love how simple it was Jeff. Just keep it simple. Give us, give us one instrument. Love it. Love it. Uh, corrections, very, very few corrections. We were on it. I think maybe so many people stopped listening because of the, um, internet going out during the podcast that they didn't catch. You know, a lot of the corrections, a lot of the corrections were about how we were making much to do about nothing that, uh, they're work. They didn't seem to be freezing and delays and all that stuff. Right. Yeah. So this is one that came in from Jennifer. You stated that Donna Rice had become popular on a Howard Stern, but it was a totally different scandalous lady, Jessica Han, the one who had been with Jim Baker, uh, who

20:48was the televangelist down in the Carolinas. I know this because I was an avid listener once I moved to Philadelphia way back. Uh, and this is actually the show where I was exposed to your sparkling personality. Unfortunately, Howard evolved too much from I taste in the early 2020. So I haven't listened in a while. Uh, Hope all as well with you and Mike and your families. Um, yeah, I think the whole Stern Stern went a different direction during the pandemic. He became very provax. Her dad became, but he was an outspoken provaxer and he started to, I think, feel bad that he had, he didn't endorse Trump, but he also didn't endorse, uh, Biden. No, wait, who did Kamala? No, Hillary. Oh, he didn't endorse Hillary and I think he regretted it because he saw what happened with Trump.

21:49And so I think he made a hard decision to sort of start speaking out about his beliefs. And I got to imagine he lost a lot of listeners because the Stern show absolutely skews, uh, lunch, lunch box, New York Posts Republican, you know, which doesn't mean hardcore. It just means people that are a little bit more like, uh, working class blue collar. Yep, I get that. So yeah, so, uh, that's interesting. I mean, I still, I still listen, but it's not only on a few days a week for a few hours a day. And now he's going to one day a week. And I've been listen, oh, I heard that. Yeah, you got picked up by HBO Max. They're going to air it. Oh, wow. Yeah. So it's basically going to be like a weekly. It's going to be like a fucking, you know, the daily show. It's going to be like a regular talk show on HBO Max. So we'll see, we'll see if that picks his listeners ship back up because I think based just on me,

22:52like after my shows, people come up to me and they're always like, oh, hey, I love you from Sunday papers. I love you from this. And a lot of people go, oh, I love you from the Howard Stern show. And I always say, do you still listen? And I would say 95% of the time people say they don't still listen. I'm not. I'm not. Yeah. But, but also like the, I don't know what it is because it's not really him. And I bet a lot of people would say that some people it's going to be him and his evolution is as Jennifer pointed out. But I think there's just so many other options. I mean, now there's podcasts just as an example. And I'm not on that commute anymore. So, you know, when I was driving a Burbank and made all the sense in the world and also he was timed right and you could count on his show being there. And then that went away. Like you didn't know it's like, oh, here's another repeat because he's not five days a week. Right, right. You know what I mean? But I do remember two things.

23:54One, in the plus column, I loved his interviews. I actually think they're one of the best. And one of my explanations is he really is. A fan, he's not that different than that Chris Farley. It's like, so you've seen her naked, you know, like he's like a, like a kid fan who gets with like Neil Young and asked him, what's the beef with still, you know, like with whatever with a crossbie? And so I loved that. Now the other thing I heard that's gone, by the way, he doesn't, he doesn't do interviews like that anymore. Like he used to be every woman got asked, have you had a three way? Have you had anal? And that was kind of like, all right. I don't need to know the interviews. But I've heard like the Fiona Apple and I've heard there's just legendary interviews. Still that pop out. Oh no, they're great interviews, but they're not, they're not shy. I'm not anymore. They're, they're much more mature interviews now. But the other thing I heard and then we can stop talking about him. And I don't know this because I haven't experienced it firsthand.

24:55But is like he, whatever hobby he gets in new, he then just talks. So is his latest thing? Maybe he's learning guitar and whole sing on air. I don't know if he sings, but he's, yeah, he's been working on, he's been playing guitar for years and he's been playing online chess. And he's been painting. Well, we're going to get to painting. George W. Bush came out with a real keeper this past week. Right. Right. Yeah. I want to talk about your tour dates as I let a dog in a door here. Yeah, more important than all of this is that you guys may get out to the La Jolla comedy store September 18 through 20. Some of my favorite shows of my year or in that club, fair banks Alaska. I'll be in a few different venues. September 30th through October 3rd. Betavia, Illinois at the comedy vault, October 15th through 17th. Then I'm coming to Toronto, October 23rd through the 25th. I feel like there's more dates than that. But I'm going to be at various venues in Toronto, go to Fitzdog dot com.

26:00Get some tickets also coming up Phoenix going to skank fest. Check out the dates, get some tickets. Also shout out as always to Gotham production studios doing amazing job this past week. I did my. My podcast just aired from one that we did down in St Petersburg, Florida. And Matt Brianna, our producers flew down with equipment shot the podcast, edited it, put it up. I mean, it looks, it looks amazing and it was, it was with Joe DeRosa and Maddie Smith. And a lot of good feedback from that. So thank you guys for making that effort. Also want to thank, oh my God, every week, it feels like every week, just like a massive data breach. Like identity theft, AI scam, like it literally feels like every time you go to a website, they are asking you to click. And everything leaves a digital footprint.

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30:15you'll receive an extra 20% off plus a free three piece tile set. It's back by a 30-day money back guarantee. That's trymiracle.com papers, code papers at checkout. Thanks to Miracle made for sponsoring this episode, y'all. Can I just make a note to our advertising executive? Let's make it all all papers as the code or all paper or all Sunday. But we should not have different codes for each product that we're endorsing because it's confusing. Oh, no, I see what you're saying. Looking out for our listeners. All right. You got some to crankle? No. All right, hold on. Hold on. Maybe I do. Hold on. I got it. I got it. I mean, this is us. This is how we're prepared. I just saw a piece of paper. You want me to grab it?

31:15No, I got it. Oh, thank goodness. He goes. Front page, baby. All right. I don't know much about this guy, but everyone's talking about him. Go ahead. Well, the influencer, ego tiny Ubrubro, also known as Denise or ego, Jesus Christ. I'm not really put myself out there enough with more names. He need more names. He dies. He dies. He gets fits, uh, he gets fitsy. Yeah. He died after undergoing a penis enlargement procedure during a luxury vacation in Thailand with his wife. You don't usually hear vacation in Thailand with wife. Or penis enlargement with wife. Right. Or this part might also stand out. He, uh, he's a 43 year old British Nigerian businessman. See, black. I had 40 milliliters of highelluronic acid injected into his penis

32:19at an unnamed Thai clinic in March. He was with his wife, uh, after the procedure, the couple went for a massage where ego complained of chest pain and passed out twice. Medics perform CPR for more than a hundred minutes, but ego died in the early hours of March. Say, that's the thing about the penis enlargement. You can go forever. Well, maybe, yeah, maybe he, it was probably like a, he took it as a good sign. Like, I think I'm passing out because so much blood is going on my new penis. Right. Right. Yeah. Maybe that's what it was. Ego, uh, had, had you think they called him big ego after we got the penis enlargement? I don't know. Ego had about 185,000 Instagram followers and was known for his lavish lifestyle. Listen to this. He owned a 1.1 million dollar home in Los Angeles and he had a $600,000 apartment in London.

33:21Wow. That's like the, uh, that's like an Austin to power his thing. It was like, and we're going to get one million dollars. Right. Yeah, maybe this guy should save money from his implants and buy a two bedroom apartment somewhere instead of the only one bedroom he could get with that money. Um, yeah. So, uh, what are you going to do? Uh, it was pre-op dickpeck is still the wonder of Asia. Everyone just, yeah, baffled why he was trying to get it bigger. Yeah. I mean, what black man goes to Southeast Asia for penis enlargement? Did he, did he dive embarrassment before getting the surgery? Nice. And then our friend Dickie, we, uh, we were texting about this and he said, at first I thought it was a tragic accident. Then I read the article where they said they injected his penis with hydrochloric acid. And then I was like, okay, yeah, he definitely should have died.

34:24It seemed like a lot of acid to put in there. I agree. Yeah. I mean, this guy's baffled. What's that? That sounds like some gem orations. Shit, shooting up your, your penis with acid. This guy is baffling to me. Uh, when you're wedding cost 80% of your home in London, you might not be great with money. Oh, yeah, his wedding was $473,000 and he has a $600,000 apartment. Yeah. I mean, that's the thing about these social influences. It's all about the big splashy. I'm the opposite. I've tried to keep my life very simple. Um, my, my, um, you know, we only eat, uh, cheat deals. I'm too slow. Right. We only eat three days a week. No, it's just crazy. These guys experts, and then you see these influences, they pull up to people on the street and just give them $100,000 in a briefcase

35:24to shoot the clip. That's the whole clip. Wow. Have you seen any of those? I've seen money being, not that amount, but I've seen money being given away for sure. Oh, yeah. There's this one guy. Is it Mr. Beast? I can't remember. There's one guy who gives away, like, literally drives around in a convertible with stacks of money and just hands it to people. And then he'll go up to a girl and he'll see two girls. And it'll be like, do you, uh, do you want to follow me on Instagram? It's, she'll be like, no. And then the second one, he'll be like, do you want to find? She'll be like, oh, I already follow you. 50 grand. Then the first one's like, wait, wait, wait, I'll follow you. And he's like, sorry, sweetie. I like it. That's what we should do with Sunday Papers listeners. How much you give out? How much? Why don't we start with Cousis? We'll hand those out. Yes, that's good. And that'll become really popular. Now is your, or we could sell out T-shirt to say,

36:26you can get this coosie when you pry it out of Mike's cold dead hands. All right, like that. All right, coastal erosion. We talked about this up top. It forced the cancellation of California Music Festival. So the music festival we were going, we had our tickets. We were even going to do some work from there. Yes, we were trying to get the impact. Sponsor us, right. It was set to feature the killers Olivia Dean and Jack White was canceled Friday because the California Beach where it was to be held. Has been eaten away by coastal erosion. The two-day ocean wave festival had been planned for later this month in Santa Monica. But waves up to 15 feet and storm runoff has left the beach in the city. Near Los Angeles badly degraded forcing local officials to pull the plug. Storm surf generated by Hurricane Marie and runoff from the storm drain. Outfall, a road at a large portion of the festival site. Yeah, you know the scary ones are whenever they name it an Italian woman.

37:31Marie, what are you doing, Marie? Here comes Marie. This is not going to be good. And I just did make me think this is a really bad. If I was, it would be terrible doing this and stand up. But it did get me thinking about like old sayings like this is no day at the beach. Soon, it's going to mean you're better off because this is no day at the beach. Yeah, right. Yeah, right. This is better than a day at the beach. And then also the thing about things happening at a glacial pace will mean quick. It's happening pretty quick. Right. You know how the glaciers move like overnight. Yeah, right. Right. That's what's going on. And this is pretty neat. This is pretty El Nino, by the way. The El Nino is hitting California. If you if your head's been in the sand, it's like it's going to be summer saying the biggest weather event in recorded history.

38:33And it starts on the west coast on California where it's we're just going to get rained on for like four months straight. And and this is, you know, forget about like, forget about concerts. We're not going to be able to have other luxuries like grocery shopping, getting gas, trying to sneak in a yoga class, pick up a fucking chilote. Forget about all it's going to be like we're going to be sheltered again. It is an image of El Nino literally means the boy in Spanish. And I remember working with George Lopez and he used to have bits about your kid to all like the Latinas. Your kid is too old for that stroller because he's like, I don't know what Latinos and Latinas do, but like they have their 10 year olds in stroller still. And that's what I'm picturing El Nino coming in just a raging 10 year old in a stroller being pushed by its mom. Right. And he said too much sugar.

39:33And yeah, he George Lopez is, you know, I don't think people realize what a phenomenal comic that guy was in his prime. I haven't seen his stand up in a long time, but he was fucking awesome. He was so good about like, you know, his grandmother raised him and just talking about he wanted to go, I wanted to. And then of course he can do her voice so well, but I can't. But he's like, uh, he wanted to go to Disney. They were just poor, struggling Mexican Americans. And he wanted to go to Disneyland, like, you know, all his neighbors and all the kids he went to school with. She's like, you want to see a mouse? Pull back the fridge. You'll see a mouse like just all the like very real working class take on all the rich stuff in LA was so funny. No, it's really amazing when a comic can be funny and also let you into a world that you had no idea about, you know, like Bernie Mac, I think was like that.

40:36You know, Jerry Seinfeld when he talks about like, coasters and how they keep moisture off tables, like, you know, how you can have like a rubber stick that separates groceries, like really letting you deep into his worlds. Yeah. A contractor employed by the Trump administration to complete a makeover of the Lincoln Memorial reflecting pool this summer said that it's his own errors that led to the landmarks broken and minor conflicting with Trump's claims that vandals were to blame for the issues. Now, first of all, isn't Trump president because most of America thought he's a great businessman, he's a contractor will get at least he'll be able to roll up his sleeves and get shit done. And then this was a fairly simple project and we see the way his management skills play out.

41:38Well, the no big company, you know, that probably they might have been vetted if they were vetted. Yep. Yeah. I mean, it's also that I think this guy's a fall guy because he also claims he didn't know where ran would close the streets of Hormuz. He didn't know the terrorists would add $3 trillion to the deficit. He didn't know that cutting us aid would cause the death of over 700,000 Africans so far. Trump is the victim on this one. Yeah, sure. So I wish this were a joke and it's not I looked up this story and underneath it, I found this real headline which I then validated. Trump says vandals ruined grass where he held July 4th event. So it's just these headliners that real that's real. These damn vandals, I mean, why did these vandals attack Iran? I mean, do you see what it's done to our country? Right.

42:38And the vandals raping all those children on that island. Either out of control. Yeah. The vandals voting illegally in the 2016 election. Oh, man. A 2020 election, right? I get confused. A family from Fort Worth, Texas has filed a lawsuit against the local daycare facility following an incident in which surveillance footage allegedly captures an adult employee instigating a fight involving a four year old boy. They target ARCA Montessori Academy where the footage shows a staff member encouraging her own son to attack the four year old before shaking the victim and causing him to fall. Quote, quote, this place looked like a child fight club. It felt like one. This kid was being thrown around like a human rag doll. First rule of fight club. Don't tell your mom about fight club.

43:41Second rule of fight club. Throw out your own diaper after the fight. Third rule of fight club. Raise your hand before asking the teacher if you can go to the nurse. Netflix just announced Jake Paul is going to fight the four year old. And I'm buying. Yeah. Yeah. Or I guess I'm getting you know, and I'm treating like pay-per-view. Everyone's going to see it. I mean, don't let Putin hear about this story because he will absolutely start staging four year old fight club and televising it to raise money for his wars. And well, his war, his wars in Ukraine, but let's be honest in Israel as well. Yeah. All right, President Trump fell asleep with a 9-11 memorial ceremony. The president dozed off at multiple points during the event Friday. Slumped over in his chair with his eyes closed and his head hanging down while everyone else on stage was at attention, including Melania and other people.

44:41I wish, you know what? I wish he collapsed. I wish he collapsed on the 9-11 site. Just fell right out of his chair. It would be the most famous collapse. Perhaps on that site. Yeah, he'd fall and then you would see JD Vance and Hague Seth run into his body. After he collapsed. Right up his ass. In his defense, though, I have to say it's pretty boring hearing about jets flying into buildings where people had to hurl themselves out windows, then celebrating heroes running into burning buildings to save lives and then a city coming together to heal. I mean, he's got to save his energy and attention for getting a hand job from assistant on Air for his one. Here's another one in the, I wish this were a Joe category. I remembered his famous quote. He was interviewed on 9-11, 2001 on the day.

45:41And this was the quote, 40 Wall Street, which Trump owns, was that, and I'm reading this verbatim. 40 Wall Street actually was the second tallest building in downtown Manhattan. And it was actually before the World Trade Center was the tallest. And then when they built the World Trade Center, it became known as the second tallest. And now it's the tallest. So silver lining. Silver lining, he now because of the assist from the hijackers, he now had the tallest building again. Wow. Yep. And this is whole thing about him saying that he was there on 9-11 and that fireman carried him. And I mean, it's all completely refutable. Like there is video of him in a freshly pressed white shirt on 9-11, giving this interview. Nobody downtown wasn't covered in sit that day.

46:44Yeah. And they do this comedian. I'm not going to say his name because I love the guy. But he claimed to be down there on 9-11 and it fucking ruined his career. He is career ended. I mean, he's back now. He's doing well because he's funny as shit. But I mean, literally his agency dropped him. He got dropped off a TV show. And then you look at the leader of the free world says the same claim. And nothing happens. Yeah, a little more stakes there. Yeah, the poor comedian. He gave a very good interview where he's like, it was one of those little kind of line and someone heard it's like, oh, and then they started talking to him. I'm like, you know, he was there. So now he's asked and he's like, God, it's just easier just to agree. And then this thing will go away. Yeah. It was something like that. And then it never went away. Dude, we've all had little white lies that get traction. And yeah, it is. You don't want to seem like a hypocrite by going, no, no, no, I was lying.

47:44So you just go, well, maybe the maybe nobody, exactly nobody else lasts. And then go away. God. So George, where were you on 9-11? Huh? Where were you on 9-11? Tower two. Yeah, well, that's fine. But tower two, I mean, I see like I carried a bunch of people out of my back. And so I got I luck. I would have I was on my way back in the like don't, don't, don't, don't. Like I got to I got to I got to and then they physically restrained me. Did you get any suit on you that day? No. Yeah, it was weird because there's a photo of me and I could tell I had none on me, which was I was lucky. I was so lucky. No, so right, right, right. I think you know what it was. I was covered with people, you know, in firemen carries. So I think they got all the set on them. Yeah, yeah, yeah, right. Yeah, you're you know, you're a fucking hero. And still this is how humble I am. I forget about 9-11 all the time.

48:46So George W. Bush has a new painting, speaking of 9-11. He took up painting after leaving the White House in 2009 and has since made it a conspicuous part of his post presidency. For a quarter century, one of the most enduring images of George W. Bush's presidency has been the look on his face when he learned that the United States was under attack. It was it has been mocked by comedians, weaponized by political opponents, and replayed endlessly in the documentary's and retrospectives. Now Bush has painted that image himself. So I put them in there. He has underplayed his dumb eyes. Do you agree with that? Yes, very much so. You know, I used to make fun of this just like it says, just like everybody else did. Because he was so, he just, he seemed so stupid and he's been told that. And then the older I got, I'd be like, what do you think you would have been like?

49:48Like they didn't know what it was yet. I think he was told when one tower was hit. So still maybe an accident, but they're like, we're thinking we're getting intel that it's not, I believe that's what he was told. And you were reading to children really young children. Yeah. And continuing to and you keep going. Yeah. Well, I mean, look, he was a, he was a dumb guy who started El Qaeda basically by his actions after 9-11. He created hatred towards the United States, which will live with us for generations. And now everybody's trying to humanize them. Oh, man. I know. Well, also there's a little Stockholm syndrome like I, it was immeasurable. How much I hated this president and what I would give for him to be president now is really so confusing to me. Well, it wasn't so much him as a president.

50:49It's that his past his passivity allowed guys like Cheney and uh, uh, uh, well, the neo-Count is all the neo-Counts. Yeah. Yeah. It was his, his lack of leadership. But I'm assuming this was a finger painting, right? I mean, it looks like it. It's also part of his new presidential moments series. He has another one called JFK car ride in Dallas. He has Abe, the theater goer. And he just got one on commission called Trump shot in Dublin, which is a prediction piece of art. Oh, that's going to be a rough week. Yes. Yeah. I wish you're not happy about Trump being there. No, not at all. Good for you. No. Well, maybe he should do one of his father and, uh, and his uncle Dick over throwing democratically elected countries in Central America. He could put the, he could put the oil executives in the background, shoveling money into a truck mark bush for president.

51:52What was the the court green group or something like that? Yeah. Where part of the, uh, Bin Laden family was actually meeting with that group, which the Trumps are on the board. And I probably have some of that wrong, but look into it. All right, here we get no one ethical question. Ethical question. Uh, oh, man, did I lose the ethical? All right, let me, sorry. I looked up something and I lost it. Here we go. Okay. We are going to my friend pocketed the money from our charity event. What should I do? We trusted him to donate the money after the fact and he never did. Hey, you know, people work fucking hard on these charity. Like I run a charity event every year that you've performed at for best buddies. And, uh, you know, charity is not charity.

52:53You, you, you have to log a lot of hours. You got to call on a lot of favors and you should be allowed to wet your beak a little bit. I'd say, you know, look at Jerry Lewis. He was, you know, flown in private jets and he used to have these, you know, off site conferences about Jerry's kids and, you know, Jerry's kids are, I got a newsflash. They're still not walking after 30 years of this shit. I saw you, so you're saying just keep the money. I'm not all of it. I mean, I hope he gave some of it. But do you remember the Jerry Lewis telephone? How it ended every year? No, it was 30 years ago. You're going to walk and he did it. No, what? He said he would bring a kid out in a wheelchair and he would sing. You'll never walk alone again. And it would not be a dry eye in the house and he would cry. So was the thinking that the kid would do anything to get away from this? So he would stand up and walk away alone.

53:54All these kids need is a little motivation. It's like, it's like really, I'm next to a fire. Please get out of there. I'm dying. Yeah, you're calling his bluff. This is melting the skin off my body. Okay, you have a choice. Dealer's choice. Actually not. Receiver's choice. Here's the two questions. Do I have to leave all my step children equal shares of the inheritance? Or my husband read my journal and now he's furious. Was I in the wrong? Oh, both good. I'm going to go with the latter. So hold on here it is. You're right. Okay, wait, I want to hear your answer. But they clarify in the subtitle what they journaled about. But go ahead first. Well, I mean, here's the thing about journals. Keep an eye on your own journal and keep an eye on what you write in it. I've kept journals my whole life. I'm keeping a journal right now. I went to a coffee shop yesterday for an hour and a half and I wrote it.

54:55I did not write anything in that journal that my wife and kids could not read and be okay with. It's what happens when you're dead. You think they're not reading your journal? I know. Yeah, so I used to, this is how I knew I was honest in my journal that I kept. I would get composition notebooks. I would go five pages. This is real. I would go five pages in from the back and start there. And all my journals were written backwards. Like page, you know, well, let's call it like five pages in the end to six pages from the end. Seven pages, like I went that way. So it would have been the most confusing read to anyone that found it. But then I would stop. They were Arabic then they'd get it. I would stop halfway through the book wherever. So if anyone happened to pick it up, they would think it was an empty journal, an empty notebook. What kind of stuff did you put in there?

55:56Just my regrets. I knew about 9-11 before it happened and I didn't tell anybody. That's how I knew to be down there to save them. You know, stuff like that. I felt bad in mine. I talk about how I knew and I told Jewish people and they didn't go in the building that day. That was sharp. Yeah. No, I used to have a dumb joke I would do, but I think it's a solid joke mostly because it's true. Which is I don't keep a journal because I'm afraid I'll accidentally leave it out and then I'll pick it up and read it. That's how I'd have touched with my emotions. I was Greg. Yeah. Yeah. I'm all about quitting drinking. Like starting at like 17, I was already journaling about how I couldn't handle my drinking and it was making me feel bad and you know, I like you knew me when I drank. I wasn't like a fucking complete asshole maniac, but I just from an early age, I just knew it wasn't going to work in my life.

57:01And then I used to write about it a lot. Wow. Yeah. I would write. I probably, the funny thing is and here here it is for anyone, I don't think we have any young listeners, but you're going to be writing the same thing 30 years from now. You've probably gotten better, which is great, but you're still grappling with, you know, whatever you want to call it, that's seven year old inside of you. And so you're giving that person pep talks, whether it's, you know, really boring things, like just be believing in yourself more, you know, things like that. Like you're still going to be saying that. No, it's so true. It's embarrassing. I go back and read journals for my teenage years and it's the same issues. And I'm writing it today like I never wrote it before, like it's all fresh. Yeah, you're like, stop masturbating in the back of the bus. Stop masturbating while you're writing in your journal.

58:06All right, let's get to, we're going to skip ahead to make America, Florida. Here we go. All right, we got two Florida men stories. First one, a Florida man was arrested after he was caught wearing just a G-string underwear and sneakers outside of his car in a target parking lot. The police report said a seminal county deputy responded to a call about a man outside of his car touching himself. The responding deputy identified him as 41 year old Nicholas Lydick, Dick in the name. He told the deputy he was outside his car changing because he got wet. And I think this is an unusual Florida man story because Nicholas Lydick was wearing clothes at all most of the time they're naked. Yes, that's that's sort of the standard issue uniform for the Florida man is nothing. Right. He's got he's got dick in his name and his Lydick and lie lie and dick.

59:07Yeah, Your Honor, I rest my case. And then this brings us to our second Florida man story. I kept Coralman accused of here's what we're talking about. Stripping naked in home goods saying quote, he had to do it. So officers responded to the home goods around 10 45 AM that is too early for this. After reports of a fully nude man inside the store, a woman inside the home goods at the time told officers that she saw this guy enter the store walk into the aisle where she was standing and say, I'm sorry, I have to do this. And she goes, I don't really expect to go to home goods and see a naked man in the middle of the aisle. I would then tell you, ma'am, move away from Florida. Get out of the state if that is your expectation. Yeah, yeah. Now, let me get let me be clear on this. It was not I didn't expect it. I wasn't surprised by it, but I did not expect it.

1:00:07In the parking lot, there's still in their G strings, man. Maybe you'd be better outside there, but you were going to be assaulted by full frontal in the third aisle once you go in. Is this another sign of global warming, by the way? That would be funny if that's on the list. Coastal erosion, new storm patterns, naked men, all over Florida. Yeah. So the officers detained this guy. And while walking back to the patrol car, they noticed a pair of white shoes. Perfect. And a pair of underwear under the entrance. He told the officers that the items belonged to him and that his clothes had started smoking and that the bicycle he was riding was smoking as well. Now, normally you would think that they were really hot and that's what they were doing. I think he meant they lit up cigarettes. His clothes and his bicycle were literally splitting a pack of cigarettes. It's Florida. Well, here's the thing about these stories because we're having

1:01:12a field day about Florida, but there's all does a fine line between Redneck and mentally ill. And I think this guy might fall into the ladder. I mean, should we do stories about like the woman on the corner in Venice with shopping bags who's yelling at the parking meter right now? I guess if she says, sorry, I had to do that. That makes it more fun. Yeah. Also, the parking meter might have been talking to her. Yeah. Calling insulting her and saying she was expired. We're going to sports. Let's do some. Now, let's skip right down to this day in his tree. His story. All right. Here we go. Let me find some for you. There were some interesting ones. I should have written them down, right? All right. JFK and Jackie Boogie. They got married. Do you

1:02:13know where they got married? I'm going to say they got married in Newport, Rhode Island. That's where they got married. Now, give her take, because I want to hear you do the math on this. Give her take three years. When do you think they got married? Well, President in 62, right? And they'd been together while he was a senator. So that would add another five years. I'm going to say they got married in 1955. You did it. And that's what I wanted to hear. I thought you'd also maybe bring up their kids ages, but 1953. Okay. The TV series, Bananza, it premiered on NBC. And it became one of the longest running Westerns in broadcast history. Wait, is it not the longest running Western? That's weird. It became one of the longest running shows in broadcast history. Give her take four years. When do you think Bananza premiered on NBC? I'm trying to remember if

1:03:16Bananza was started in black and white and then went color. I feel like it did, which means it would have been like there early 50s. So I'm going to say 1952. Oh, two early 59. Oh, Jesus, it wasn't in black and white then. That's true. That's true. It was black and white, right? I think well, if you mean, yeah. Hogan's heroes was color. I'm trying to just based on, I'm trying to envision them. Okay, here's another one. It's in color. Okay, I'm going to give you a clue. The monkeys, the sitcom, the monkeys, debuted, hold on. Yes. On American television, although canceled after two seasons, the show enjoyed enduring popularity and syndication backed by huge songs like I'm a believer. And also, uh, Neil Diamond wrote,

1:04:22Clark, right. He wrote one of their big hits. Yeah. Last train of Clark's film or something. Yeah. I'm going to look at as opposed to, as opposed to don't go down to Clark's film by R&M. But I'm going to look up what monkey center up. But give her take four years, Greg. When do the monkeys sitcom premiere? Well, look, they were America's answer to the British invasion. They were a little poppy rock and roll band, which would put them around 66. And the show probably didn't get going until they were already pretty popular. So I'm going to say 71. Uh, did I give you a give or take five years? You said you just did it 66. Was it really? And by the way, it is I'm a believer. That's what Neil Diamond wrote. Wow. Yeah. And then I saw her face. It's so Neil Diamond. Yeah. Yep. Yep. It really is. Uh, let's see. Okay. Okay. All right. I don't think you know about this,

1:05:28but I thought it was one of the most, uh, I guess celebrated cave drawing discoveries was in France. It's the discovery of the Lasco caves, LAS CA UX. So it was on the stay 14-age boys stumbled upon one of the world's most significant archaeological finds on the walls of caves in door, door, door, don't France. They found complex and fantastical paintings and engravings of animals and one lone human figure more than 600 creatures are pictured, including horses, bison deer. Anyway, it was sad part is when archaeologists found it. The boys, the boys found it. And they brought the archaeologists in all the animals had mustaches. And there were dicks all over the cave. It's in everybody's mouth. Yeah. It just takes everywhere. So I mean, I don't even know what I would give you, but when do you do have you ever heard of this? No. Same. Anyway, it happened

1:06:30in 1940, but uh, pretty late for that discovery. And then the boys just find it. That's crazy. So where's the, what's the question? No question, man. I just wanted to get to the dick picks, uh, the drawings of dicks and mustaches. Okay, here's one. You're ready. Yeah. Uh, he, uh, no, I thought it was going to be when Moses Malone broke the backboard, but it's when he died. Let's get out on a high note. Here we go. We are going to do Attica Man, a revolt in New York's Attica Correctional Facility. Attica, Attica, Attica, Attica ended after a bloody state police assault on the prison in which 29 inmates and 10 hostages were killed. New York's prison revolt. When was it? Give or take four years? Well, Al Pacino did that movie dog day afternoon, and he was, she was screaming. He was chanting Attica, Attica. That movie was probably made in

1:07:351974. I'd walk the breakdown. Yes. So I would say this happened in the late 60s. I'm going to say 1966. I don't think you got it. What would I say four years? Said five years. You keep saying that. Do I keep saying five years? Now you said four. Okay, good. Good. 1971. Oh, I think I did on the previous one too, but anyway. All right, we're done. We're done with the day. Not a good day for me. Not a day in history. I'll write down in my journal. Right. Exactly. Don't keep it. Don't do it. Let's get down to no obituaries. Nobody died this week that I can think of. All right, good. Good. But let's let's cheer up anyway, because life is sad. Let's do some funnies. All right, I'm going to get a crinklet. Every week we do the comedy caption contest. We give you guys one frame of a comic. You then write punchlines. You mail them in to fitstogradio at gmail.com. They

1:08:41are curated and presented to you as finalists. Mike and I then review them and choose one winner who will be awarded with something at some point in the future. We ask we ask when you send it in, you put your name directly underneath your punchline and thank you for that consideration. Last week's comic was a giant egg sitting in a chair. He's in therapy. There's a female therapist. She's got a note pad in her lap. And he or she, I shouldn't say he. The egg could be either thing talking to the woman. Pater says despite all their best efforts, he was never the same again. That's what the egg is saying. Yeah, yeah, I'm the flesh try says it's just that I feel bad that I came first. I always do. That's not bad. It's not bad, but I do. I should point out about 12 other submissions had the same conceit for the joke and tied it to pre-eject pre-knowcoming. Yeah,

1:09:47yes, premature. All right. Brett from Cincinnati says yes, I do think it would kill me to let out my inner child. That's not bad. Ted H said according to a new true crime podcast, my great uncle Humpty was pushed after heckling the jester. All right. Rich Kennedy said for me, acting auditions are a lot like Easter. I'm always getting overlooked because I'm not colored. Whoa, whoa, is Christ rich man. Steven Mann Graham said people are really transphobic. They can't accept I'm a chicken trapped in this body. That's not bad. I feel like the wording could have been a little better. I like the idea. Right. The idea. Clive says she was my daughter, Doc, and they poked holes in either end of her blew out her insides and painted her like an animal. Do you do that to an animal? No. No, I don't think so, Clive. No, Clive. But I do like, you did find

1:10:54something original with the egg. Well, let's not sell me short on the presentation of the joke. That was pretty great. So I don't know what I mean, what do you think? I'm going to let you decide this week. Well, I'm going to I'm going to take flesh tries is good, but because so many people thought of it, I'm going to call that low-hanging fruit. And I'm going to go with I'm going to go with yes, I do think it would kill me to let out my inner child. Breton Cincinnati, congratulations. First time winner. Love it. Next week's cartoon is there's a gentleman with a bald head and a blazer. His hands are behind his back holding onto his hands, thinking pencively. As he looks at a piece of artwork on the wall, it is what you would call abstract impressionism. It's it's just blobs. It's like three blobs. And there's a woman. What is it? Abstract expressionism. Oh, did I say

1:12:00impressionism? Expressionism. I wonder if there is an abstract impressionism. Interesting. Yeah, that is interesting. Let's look into that. There's a woman talking to the man. We're going to assume she's talking because she's got her hand out. So what is the woman saying? She's a woman. Yes, in an art gallery. And so she is telling the man something about this painting of three. They look like almost like jellyfish blobs. Yeah, they're like, yeah, exactly. Okay. Let's get to the pros. Old Lee Roy Lockhorn is laying out on the hammock asleep with the lawnmower next to him. And Loretta says to her friend, Leroy is a self starter, but not a self finisher. Yeah, that's us. I bet if you caught him alone in the house with some porn, he'd be a self finisher. Oh, wow, you did that. Now Loretta is with her friend looking in her closet of her bedroom. And she goes, Leroy's taking me out to dinner tonight. The dress code is food truck casual.

1:13:04Pretty good. Pretty, I mean, that's in the paper. These are getting in there every day. Yeah, it's not a bad effort. Yep. I like it. I got one. I think you will appreciate from the onion. Yep. And it's a picture of people hugging with the word title, like kind of Kyron saying Ted Lasso. And the headline is critically acclaimed Ted Lasso episode is just stock photos of people hugging each other. I love that. I love that. Really going hard for the feel goodness about it all. Oh, my God. I'll be honest with you. The first season of that show, I wouldn't say I loved it, but I liked it a lot. And it was kind of what we needed during the pandemic. It was uplifting. It was sweet. The girl, I have a huge crush on. I think she's adorable. But which one? Wait, which girl? The young one, the British, the what?

1:14:05Well, the one who was in Fargo. I was just going to say if you haven't seen that Fargo. That that season of Fargo, she will blow you away. I've literally with a little buzz on replayed when she's released. I guess it's a spoiler, but not really. Anyway, at one scene, she's kind of trapped. And she's released. And there's smoke. And all of a sudden, you start hearing the the baseline of, of tied to the whipping post. Yeah. It is so fucking badass and filmic and cinematic. It's incredible. No, her in the her and the gas station supermarket like this. She's barefoot and there's broken glass on the ground. That it's such a great season. Watch it. But man, it got bad. That show got so fucking sad. What do you mean? Ted Lassel. Ted Lassel is saying Fargo keeps. No, there was like, there was a season finale where

1:15:06it was a Christmas episode. And everybody was like singing in the street together. It was like, Oh, God. Oh, no. Um, also I heard rumors that he's very difficult on set. Did you hear that? I don't know. I hung out with him once. I watched a Super Bowl. Named Drop Hallows a coming your way. I watched a Super Bowl. Three of us. He will feral in me. Can you believe that? Wow. It was we were shooting the Brody Stevens project in New Orleans. Like a couple of the scenes because Zach was down there for a movie. Oh, wait, more Named Drop. It was in Sandra Bullock's house. And she rented it to production. So that's why Zach was there. Anyway, he couldn't have been more delightful and funny. And um, so that's in front of Will Farrell. Listen, all I'm telling you is maybe I just demand respect. How about that? Correg? Maybe he was in front of me. That's true. I mean, maybe he was looking to roast. Maybe he was looking to get on the roast.

1:16:08There's a roaster. But we made fun of all the like the ads and stuff. And it was a good time. Do you ever find comedians kissing your ass because they want to get on the roast and you kind of detect it? Other than you, you mean? Jesus Christ. That hit hard. Oh, boy. Uh, no, but listen, I think all comedians in LA who are really ambitious and are trying to make it, I mean, I think kiss everybody's ass. You know what I mean? Like they are just nice to everybody. They want to then exchange, you know, let's text and that's how they should be. It's no year. But ever sweaty. Does it ever get sweaty? Really? Like Jesus Christ. Maybe, maybe a little bit. I'm not going to name Okay. We'll talk about it after the show because I forgot them. Let's close it out with our favorite couple. Dagwood is in bed. He's reading a book. It's very sexist. She's always got a magazine and

1:17:10he's always got a book like she's some fucking vapid horror. And he's an intellectual. He's got donuts on his pajamas. And he goes reading in bed. Sure is nice. Isn't it, honey? And she goes, yes, dear. And he goes the only thing nicer than reading in bed would be fill in the blank any other human man in America would be watching TV in bed. And then she says no dear, no dear. She fucking says no dear. Like what are you missing with the fact that I'm in a negligee right now? And I did my hair for bed. And then he goes, well, that certainly wasn't very nice. Yeah. Yeah. You know, it's not very nice. Her having to hide in her walk-in closet with a rabid eared vibrator because she's got a pleasure herself because you won't do it. How about film yourselves and watch that on TV in bed. Film yourselves going at it.

1:18:11Oh my god. I don't know when this guy is going to learn. I'm starting to give up on him after 80 years of the sun. Just now. Folks, you've been a pleasure. I hope you enjoyed the timing, the unfrozen quality of today's podcast. And I hope that you will join us in supporting the sponsors. I do. I buy everything from the spot where they give me free samples of everything. And this week is no surf shark is going to be the way you go. Go to surfshark.shark.com Sunday and get four extra months in a 30-day money back guarantee. Miracle made try miracle.com slash papers. And you're going to get 40% off when you use promo code papers. So do it. That should do it. Mike, I'll see you when you're back in LA. Um, tomorrow. Okay. So, yeah, all good. I hang out with Pete Scott and his girlfriend tomorrow. If you want to join us, what time do you get in? No, tomorrow means Monday. Oh god. See how I do

1:19:18that. I'm very professional. All right. You got out of that one. Keeping the illusion alive. So I want to plug something. I listened to this book, which is like, you know, came across like a book you could read in a day. It's Irish. Claire Keegan. Did you ever read small things like these? No. Hey, this is my plug to you, Greg. I think you would like it. Is it a novel? It is short. It's a novella. I guess you would call it. Okay. Do you want to tell me how I can't tell? Anyway, you can listen to it or read it very quickly, but I liked it. There was something about there was a lot of restraint. I really liked it. Yeah. Good. Congratulations, Mike. You listened to a novella. You're a real intellectual. And it took a while to multiple days, actually. Also, the amount of times, the amount of times,

1:20:18I have to press go back 30 seconds. Yeah. Is so embarrassing. Yeah. I know. All right. Thanks for listening, everybody. Take it. Ish. Take it. Ish. The world is collapsing, but we are still laughing because of Sunday papers. Sunday papers. Sunday papers. Time.