Remembering 9/11

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1:01Today marks 25 years since September 11th. Some families have held onto a single voicemail for all 25 of them. A voice carries what a photo just can't. I'm Kim Commando. So today, take two minutes. On an iPhone, open phone, and voicemail, tap a message, and hit the share icon, save it to your files. Or better yet, just email to yourself. Now, team Android, open your phone's app voicemail tab. Tap the message, and then share or save. Don't count on your carrier to keep your voicemails. Many quietly delete the old ones after a few weeks. Okay, one more step if you're up for it. Open voice memos or recorder on Android. Call your mom, your dad, your oldest friend, and just let them talk. No occasion needed. That's the recording you'll be glad that you have in years to come. My mother died five years ago. I still listen to her laugh from time to time. And if you need all these steps, just hit my website, commando.com. I'm here to help you live a better digital life. That's commando with a K, of course.

2:02Saving the voices you love while you still can is important. But would you ever consider taking it a step further with AI? Kim was faced with that exact question. Find out where she lands next. There's something about fall that puts me in reset mode, getting organized tackling projects, and getting back into a regular schedule. And Raycon everyday earbuds classics are part of my daily routine. Whether I'm traveling, walking the dogs, or running errands, my Raycons go everywhere with me. Active noise cancellation tunes out distractions. While awareness mode lets you hear what's happening around you. They sound fantastic. They're comfortable, and they pair with your phone and computer at the same time. Battery life is up to 32 hours, and a quick 10 minute charge gives you 90 minutes of playtime. Oh, and the new colors are awesome. My personal pick, Cool Bend. Now here's the kicker. Raycon delivers the same premium audio quality as the big brands, but at half the price. That's an eight plus in my book.

3:02The everyday earbuds classics are the perfect companion for your fall reset. Go to buyraycon.com slash Kim, to get 20% off, that's buyraycon.com slash Kim. This message is brought to you by Raycon. All right, if you're just joining us, I was presented. Oh, I don't know, six weeks or so with the opportunity, I guess you'd say, to recreate my mother who passed away five years ago, part of me four years ago. And so that this way I could have her with me at any time. I could talk to her. I could recreate scenarios, and Ian could maybe help my son contribute. So, and that, because it would become like a family of fair, so that it wouldn't just be me contributing items. It would be the whole family contributing on it, so that this way we would be able to do that. One of the things that, whenever we talk about grief, is that there's the Bible verse that we have to walk through the valley of the shadow of death.

4:04And I don't know if you've ever thought about that. But, you know, you can't, when somebody dies, you can't just go, oh, it's a new day. And you can't, if you push it down, it comes back up. At some point. So, joining us right now is Sheila and from Lexington, South Carolina. Now, Sheila, you reached out after the newsletter, correct? Yes, I did. Because I wrote about this whole situation and asking people to say whether or not it would be a good idea. Some say that hearing a loved one's voice again through it, that can be comforting. And then, of course, like we talked about, and I just talked about Sheila, that maybe it's holding them back from moving forward. What do you think? Well, as a grief support coach, I'm, I have concerns about it because you've probably heard triggers.

5:05And a lot of things can trigger grief again. And I just think this might be one of them. And if it doesn't, go well. Is that really the memory that they want to carry with them? Yeah, I don't know. It just to me, there's a lot of red flags here. And I work with a lot of people that have been mirrored for 50 years and over. And so that takes a long process to get through because you've lived with this person longer, more than half your life. And longer than you lived with your parents. So to me, it could trigger somebody and set them back in the grief process or start their grief again. Well, are there red flags or green lights that you would see that you would say, like, okay, this is bad, this is good, this is bad, this is good. I get, well, I'm just thinking in my case,

6:05I'm not sure I would want to see my parents alive again. They, my mother's been gone for over 20 years. And I just, if I took a photograph and it came alive, I'm not sure that I'd be comfortable with that. Yeah, it is. You know, and then if for some reason you put a voice over and it doesn't sound like that, is that gonna be disturbing to somebody? You know, it's interesting. And you could tell me if you agree with this, after my dad and I were probably as close as Kim and her mom were. And after he passed away, it was very sudden, totally unexpected. He was actually on the way to his father's funeral when he died. And we had some family members that were saying negative things about my dad after he passed that we had found out about. But it was interesting that they didn't affect me because I had my picture of my father and that will never change. It will never be affected. It will never be adjusted.

7:06It will be the way I see him. And I would think with something like this, that when you're hearing their own voice, that could really alter the grieving process and how you remember your family members. Right, yes. Yeah, I know there are some people that have had a quick, like little voice of, you know, hey, whatever name I love you. And they've gone to build a bear and made a little bear with that they can hear that on. But that's just like a really quick little head. You know, I'm not really sure if you did a longer video, how that would affect. I guess really it would have to be, we'd have to look at it. But I can see where, I know that when my dad, when my mom passed away, my mom's voice was on her voice mail. And a lot of the grandkids called me and said, would you please tell your dad to redo the voice mail?

8:09We don't want to hear her voice. And so we did, we, he, he, he re-did the voice mail, re-recorded it. So because it just bothered them every time they called. See, I think, I think, I'm going to give my decision later on, as far as weather and I'm going to do this, but my big concern is that a lot of these wounds have closed up over time. You know, time, you know, time is a wonderful thing. It really does help you heal. In opening that box again, right, I don't know if that would be mentally healthy for me. That's when I'm thinking, I have a client now that found these journals of when her husband was alive. And she sat down one weekend and read through all of them. And it has set her back. She's, she's even said it, it sent me back.

9:12And she burned them afterwards because she just didn't want to go through that again, but she was really shocked that reading those had really affected her so much. And I'm just thinking that this type of video might do the same thing. Yeah, I can, I can see that. But then you're going to have other people say, you know, it's a good way for me to connect. It's a good way to keep the memories alive. It's a good way for the grandchildren to hear their grandfather's voice. Right, but is this going to be a short term high with long term damage? And that's, yeah, that's the real question. And you don't really know until you experience it, but then by that time, it's really too late. Yeah, it's, there's, there's a, there's a lot of, a lot of things to consider. Yeah, okay. It's just there are different sides. I mean, there's another side that I thought of that you could get your family around and find some photos

10:14and maybe your mom had a favorite song. So what if we made her sing like whatever her favorite person was, you know, a dollar somebody just off the top of my head? You know, and would that be different because it would be kind of comical, maybe. Mm-hmm. Yeah, and yeah, I mean, you can, you could definitely do things like that. But being a grief-support coach, would you do it, Sheila? I would not. Yeah, you know, it's, it's a, it's a tough decision. And thank you for, thank you for writing in to the, the newsletter after I presented this situation to everyone. And as I mentioned, I, I was astounded by the number of comments, Andrew. I really was. And just, you know, 5,000, my name's nuts. It was so many. Death is something that's going to touch every single person. All eight billion of us are going to be touched by it. Yeah, yeah, there's, there's no doubt.

11:15I mean, obviously, I mean, you know, death in Texas, right? But it's, but when you start looking at some of the questions that people have asked, like Sandra from Seattle, Washington, does the AI clone include laughing and chuckles? Because she said, I miss my grandmother's laugh. So that's something that she would like to have. Steve and Jacksonville, Florida, he writes, the relationships with loved ones are very nuanced and intimate in the use of language, choice of words, the inflections, and the like. If these nuances are not included or just plainly wrong, it could be taken as much more than just an AI weakness. The person seeking or needing that genuine reconnection could be hurt. Absolutely. Right? I haven't, did anybody write in with this amazing idea? This is great. Yes. OK. Yes. OK. They did. I can't think of the person's name, but they lost their son.

12:15And he was a dad. Son died in a car accident. Obviously, very unexpected. He's got a lot of videos. I want to say he was a child that, believe he was 17 years old. He would love to be able to talk to his son. Because he has things that he wants to tell his son. Conversations that he didn't have the chance to have with his. You know, and that's an amazing argument right there. What if it was just you do this, you use it four or five times, and then you put it away? Maybe that's a healthy way of using this tool. OK. You can admit it. No one's going to make fun of you. You love me. Yes. Say it out loud. I love Kim Commando. And you can get more of me in a few ways. Number one. Join a million folks who get my newsletter every single day.

13:16It's free. It's called the current and just sign up over at get Kim.com. It's five star rated, by the way. That's get Kim.com. And if you have any questions for me, or if you want to share a story that happened in your life, I'd love that. Just go to Commando.com. I know there's so many Commandos. K-O-M-A-N-D-O, Commando.com. And then there's a big button on the top right. It says Ask Kim. I know. Funny how some things work in tech. Fill out that form. And I read every single note that you send me.