Ole Miss PRSSA: Walker Jones and Chase Parham

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1:00at spring break last week, both out of town. I was out of town twice. So I went to Austin and spent hours in an airport. Got to see a little bit of the capital city there of the state of Texas. So back in the routine now, probably home for a pretty good little bit of time. I, you know, being, you know, I like my home, like my routine, like my stuff. There was a there was a nice bit of mental positivity when you walk in the door, not just because of the travel day I had, but when you know you don't have to leave again for a little while, that's pretty nice. You can kind of get into routine, get some stuff straight, kind of organize a little bit. I had been gone, I guess, six nights. I know a lot of y'all you guys traveled are listening and you're going every week three or four days and all that stuff. And it's, it's in a lot of professions. But me personally, that was a, that was a nice little bit of a moment there when I finally finally walked in. And it was, it was pretty awesome. And then I've got a little bit and can just do my job, do my life and I'm not packing on the suitcase for a little while.

2:03Yeah, I don't, I'm with you, man. I'm a routine guy and you know that hats off to people that travel all the time and that are in hotels all the time. I just, I'm not built like that at all. And I don't like my routine, routine being messed up. So let me ask this. So when you got in, what time did you get in from the Austin trip? It's home. I walked into my door at 409 a.m. But so you didn't sleep at all the night before? Well, I mean, I was in an airport. I mean, I, the, the, the, the, the quick version was, I thought I was, when I was, when the game ended, at four o'clock, give or take, I thought my plane was going to load in Austin and take me to Memphis at 835. Okay, good, fine, all good. And I'd heard all the TSA nightmare. So in my head, I went, let's just get to the airport as fast as possible. We'll get through TSA and then we will find a restaurant, get some dinner, write a little bit and then we'll get on the plane.

3:03Well, I had my backpack in my back. I'm headed down the steps to go do press conference and talk to Mike after the Sunday game and my watch things. And I look at my watch and it says, we're sorry to inform you that your Delta Airlines flight 3962 Memphis has been delayed to 1046 PM. And I went, hmm, okay, well, that's not good. That means I can go back up and just go ahead and finish my work now, because I sure as hell ain't going anywhere for a minute. So I go talk to Mike, I go back to the press box, I unload my backpack, I write a story, I publish, and then I walk back to the hotel, because my hotel was about a hundred yards from the stadium. And I get my suitcase and I have stored it to the hotel, calling Uber. Uber was there just a minute. By the way, credit to my Uber dude is he had, I need to look at my app and be sure, but dude had like 7,000 Uber trips that he had done and he had a 5.0 rating on the dot. And I was like, you know what?

4:04That's doing business right there. Like that's, I was really impressed. Clean car, had chargers, had water, and I know this is surprising. I don't have it checked on my Uber thing to have no conversations. I just have like the normal average, whatever. But dude would not talk. Like if I said something, he'd answer my question, but he wasn't about to talk too much and ruin his Uber rating. Like that cat was driving to the airport. That's what he was doing. So I get to the airport. You know, I heard all this TSA nightmare stuff. It's gonna be terrible. Four minutes through security. Four, four minutes. I was through security, getting to the gate. Oh, just, you know, conservatively, five hours early. Something like that at this point. And I look at what had happened was my flight from, sorry, the plane that was supposed to take me to Memphis was in Nashville and couldn't take off in Nashville because of the wind. So it wouldn't get to me in Austin and that's why we were delayed.

5:05It had a 7.30 flight at a Nashville. So I'm walking through the airport, just ho-hum, I'm on my own business, kind of killing time as much as anything else. I was on the phone and in my head, I went, hey, you've got a lot of time to kill. So don't eat while you're on the phone because that's killing time two ways at the same time. Talk on the phone, then go eat to do something while you're to kill time that way instead. That's what my mind was working. So about the time I do, I run in, I literally like physically run into coral activity. And I'm like, what are you doing? I'm like team, team planes over there. And he's like, no, I'm flying about to Memphis, commercial, like whatever, because I'm, I've, he flew into Austin meeting the team because he had been recruiting in South Carolina. So he was not, was not with them. And we spend the next few hours checking every flight aware, flight status website on the internet. And we got, I think I said this on the main pod the other day, people can still do it again, is we got so faked out because mine at 752

6:08said that the flight out of Nashville was taxing from the gate, but then was just sitting there and just kept showing it sitting there. 820, 830, still just sitting on the runway. And I'm like, what is going on? Well, Carl's app showed that same plane, 35,000 feet in the air, travel in 550 miles an hour, halfway between Nashville and Austin. And I'm going, hold on a minute, like what is going on? Well, come to find out his app for some reason was incorrect. And those people in Nashville coming to Austin sat on the runway for 110 minutes before the plane took off. So, wow, then it takes off, they change our time to 1109 PM. Then I'm eating dinner finally, killin' some time, watching the World Baseball Classic on the TV in front of me at the bar, one of the restaurants in the airport. And then the kicker, where I really thought I was in trouble, they switched my time to 1235 PM to take off.

7:12And I'm going, oh, oh, this is, my pilots are going to time out. This plane's not coming. We are in trouble here. Yeah, so we, we did coordinate. We found out that Austin is a hub for regional travel, so they were going to put new pilots on our plane for our flight. We weren't going to time out. So that was, that was the first bit of optimism that your boy got in the airport. But after that, it took off at 1235, it landed in Memphis at 215 to 20. Then in pure Memphis airport fashion, the gate assignment, there was a plane already at our gate, so they had to move that plane to let us in. So that was another 20, 25 minutes in the Memphis airport. Because God knows we're using one gate at 220 in the morning in the Memphis airport. They're not 50 other gates we could have come in on. And go get in the car, drive home, 409 AM. The team didn't come back to the next day

8:13because their private flight got canceled out of Austin because of the pilots timing out and flight patterns. But I'll tell you, I was glad beyond words to be in the situation I is. I was in versus the gate next to me is it was a flight going to Orlando from Austin. They had been delayed four hours and at 1125, they come over the, they're boarding. They're finally boarding 1125. They come over the speaker and say, sorry, I know we're boarding. You're going to have to exit the aircraft. The aircraft has a mechanical issue and we're going to have to tow it from the gate. And they're, it's not canceled, but there's no update on a new plane yet for you. So just get off the plane. So then about 25 minutes, this poor gate agent has to announce actually now the flight is canceled. And because of it being somewhat weather-related, you guys get zero food vouchers and zero hotel vouchers.

9:13Good luck and it's midnight. And I'm going to realize it. Oh my God. Is this American? It is Delta. And what do you do? You just eat it. You don't have to eat it, man. I can't stand airlines. Yeah, man. The power they have over you, it drives me mental. Well, and I had no, I think I'd have been in a car on Monday because there were no flights to get me home on Monday. Had I not got home on that flight that night. Oh. Every gate was having problems. There was something at every single terminal, every single gate on Sunday. It was bad. So we flew back and our flight was at, we landed at 8.45 Sunday night. And we had that big storm come through at like 9.45. And they told us if it was a couple hours before,

10:15later we would not have been able to land in Jackson. Oh, really? Because it was just that huge line that line came through. And the wind and, I mean, it was pretty brutal. But, you know, it's like every time we fly them, like, yeah, I'm always, I'm waiting for something to go wrong. I remember one time, he literally flying off to, I think it was like Vegas or somewhere. We were so excited. We flew from Jackson to like, I don't know, Greensboro. How where was it? I don't remember. Somewhere in North Carolina, because we had to go see my grandmother and then fly out from Vegas from there. And we take off in North Carolina and all of a sudden I start. Hey, finish that thought and then stop. Okay. Finish that thought and stop. I literally saw a smell and smoke. And I was like, what is going on? And apparently something, there's electrical fire in the bathroom. I said, I think it's a situation. And we literally had to, they literally got on speakerly. Hey, we got to turn back around.

11:16There's some, you know, electrical issue going on. So then we had to turn all the way back around, land, get off the plane. And then basically wait for another plane to come. I think we waited for like four hours. Then it was a total disaster. I mean, it's different levels. I mean, you've got electrical fires, you've got all these different things going on. It's into the day. Are we almost just expecting a problem? Like it, do we, do we outer off with a mindset of going in to expect there to be some issue and then just be overly pleased if it goes perfectly? I think that's the better route at this point for what we're trying to do. Look, I've told you my complaints. I'm going to get it. Look, it is what is your, your, your N.A. 10 can with a bunch of strangers. And I told you, so our flight over there we're, well, it's like a two and a half hour flight and about an hour in, I smell something. I'm like, what is that?

12:17Hillary looked at me and she's like, did you fart? And I was like, no, I swear because I don't, man, I'm like, no. And for the next hour, I just kept smelling a fart. So I kept farting on our plane. And I'm not being, I'm being dead serious. And anyway, we get off the plane, blah, blah, blah, blah. And we're getting the Uber and Hillary source laughing. She's like, yeah, we smelled, we smelled that the whole way. And I went, wait a minute, then one of y'all farted and my girl started laughing. So one of my kids was farting on the plane. I'm not gonna tell you what you want. But one of my kids literally was farting on the plane the whole time because their stomach was hurting. So it was y'all's fault? Yeah, it was my, it was my own offspring doing it. And I was just like, you know, it's just, it's just that. I'm like, you know, it planes just, and anyway, you know, I know my pet peeve on planes because I watch a documentary, it might have been on 60 minutes of how disgusting planes are

13:19from the hand rest to the table that falls down to the seatbelt, like the germs that grow. I mean, you know, I just, you just want to bathe and hand sanitizer when you get off of it. I wipe everything down literally because you call me a freak, make fun of me, but I don't get sick. I mean, and I turn off the air. I do not want that recycling air blown on me. I turn off the air and I just sit there and try to be in my own little mind, you know, zone. Yeah. I had a guy on the way to Austin. I had a guy sitting beside me. He was a man in his 60s and he was a talker. Like I could not even even with the air pods in. He still kept talking. I mean, he was asking, he was asking me if I've seen these different areas of Georgia. He was telling me, and look, I hope he got there. I felt bad for the guy. He had a ticket to the world baseball classic in Houston for the game for the Americans against the Canadians. I'm sorry, yeah, it gives the Canadians. And he had his flight canceled that morning on spirit.

14:20It was trying to find any way to get to Houston for the game that night. And dude had been like a wears Waldo planes trains and automos build trip to get there. Like it was one thing after another, after another, after another. And he told me every bit of it. He had his USA world baseball classic T-shirt on. He had multiple caps ready to go. I look, he was a really nice man. I hope he got there, but he would not shut up. Like there was no no no shut up. Yeah, that's the worst. Like Hillary, she hates when I talk to her on the plane. Like she just wants to read her book. Yeah. And I would even even you talking to her. Yeah, oh, even me, she can't stand it. She's like, when she gets on a plane, she just wants to get out of her book and read and don't talk to me. What do you do? I usually just watch, listen to a podcast. You know, watch, watch a show. I'll watch, well, we've been watching that JFK documentary, that JFK special, I think it's on Hulu.

15:21Oh, the JFK junior one. It's really good, by the way. Yeah, it's really good. Like I'm a big, for whatever reason, the Kennedy family and I've always been, not the obsess is not the right word. Like that family, that's designated for sure. Yeah, just the things they've done, accomplished, scandals, like, it's pretty amazing. Because I have my theories on JFK junior, you know, because you know, he was about to run for a Senate. He was going to run against Hillary Clinton. Oh, it feels a little, I mean, I'm just saying like, and he was saying, just saying. Look, I mean, but you know, there's some, I know this is not true, but there were ports out there that say he's still alive, that he was trying to, him and his wife did, obviously, did not like, or his wife did not like, all the spotlight and all that kind of stuff,

16:22and that they faked it, so to speak. And that he always want to be an actor, I know this is so stupid, he always want to be an actor. And if you watch the show, the palette, that's in the beginning shot at the end shot, there's a palette that is with him that teaches him. And he looks just like JFK junior at his age. And he stands, apparently, he always stood with his hands in his pocket, and he always kind of had his, like, kind of straight up with his neck kind of back, and the guy looks identical. So they're saying that that's really him, and it's kind of like an F you to everybody that try to ruin him, whatever. I'm just saying, I'm just saying, there's a lot more stuff out there crazy today than that, you know what I mean? Just saying, I get it. I get it. I mean, the world we live in today, I mean, with all the AI and, yeah, so, I know, I know, I didn't see it,

17:22but you mentioned a way, man, I know, yeah. You mentioned your kids going with you, and I don't know if you had all of them or who you had with you, what's the mental been like since, since you got a 21-year-old? Was that a defining birthday year for you as a parent? Yeah, man, I mean, for me, it's, and I've kind of said this a thing last show, it's how fast time really does go by the older you get. You know, you hear people say that, that are older than you, but I feel like time really is flying by, because Libya will graduate next May. My nephew and niece just turned 22. You know, you kind of look up and, you know, it's kind of wild, man. Like, you know, Emil being old this next year,

18:24and Coral will be a junior. So it's, it's, it's just crazy, man. I don't know, I mean, I've, I've talked about it before on the show. I have a lot of regret, and I think we all do. I mean, I'm not alone here saying that, but I feel like there is a lot of, I wasted, and what I mean by wasted is, I was not present in a lot of things for a couple, you know, for a couple of years there, and I've tried to really capitalize on doing just doing the right thing, and like my brother always, we have a saying that we say to each other, it's always just, just be present. No matter what the situation is, good or bad, be present. And, and I've really tried to do that. I know it sounds very simple, but there, you know, there's a lot of times when you might not want to go do something with the family, and because you're tired, you got stuff going on or whatever, but sometimes just being present is all that your kids won't,

19:29because in your mind, and I saw this illustration of the day of it, and your mind, you know, you have a bubble above your head, the sky, all this stuff going on that you have in your world, you know, and your kids sit beside you, and they're, you know, they're TN or whatever, and their bubble is just being with you. That's not, I mean, you know what I mean, like it's that simple, like they're just happy to be with you, and you're, instead of being happy to be with them, you're so, the whole world, the whole world, man. And I've tried to really, I saw that other day, I said, man, that's me, like far as I got to clear up my bubble, and be more present, and I've really, and I'm saying, man, I'm gonna spread it for, four and a half years now, and I feel like I'm so much better. I've still got a long way to go, man, but I feel like I'm, you know, my goal is just to be a better person, a better human being, transparent, a better friend,

20:30you know, all that, you know, husband and father. But how much work it takes to be a good person, and do the right thing every day, and hold yourself accountable, and so to say all that, you're, I go back to you're, I'm trying to answer your question, I know it's long-winded, but yes, I reflect a lot now, because my kids are older, but now reflect more of, I hope I've done the right, I hope I've done right by them, by being an example for them, on what not to do and what to do. You know, like, because I'm very transparent with my kids, so I'm very open with my kids, because we all have problems, not one person, we all have issues, but when your kids know that they're not alone, and their issues either, to me, that gives them a sense of comfort, and it makes them more willing to be open with you, you know, because you're the parent, you know, a lot of times they don't tell you things, but it makes them more willing to be open with you,

21:33and share things with you, they might not have shared five years ago, three years ago, whatever may be. So... Every... Liberty Mutual customizes your car and home insurance to save you money. That's it, that's the ad, no bells and whistles. No, guys, I said no bells and whistles. No... Tramones are fun. Visit LibertyMutual.com and make the switch today. Has the news been getting you down? I'm Megan McCartle, and I'm here to help. I'm the host of a news show from Washington Post Opinion, called Reasonably Optimistic, and it's an antidote to the pessimism that's riddling America right now. Every Wednesday, I'm going to talk to people who see a path forward. It does seem to me that there is some awakening of a desire to act together, to solve problems where they are. You know, I am a believer in America and it's worth fighting for. Join me Wednesdays on YouTube

22:35or wherever you get your podcasts. The interesting thing to what you're saying is that because you've said in your ride, this is a true statement, that you know, sometimes just, there's a lot of focus to being a good person and being present and doing the right thing and making sure that the priorities are in place. Again, that's right. I'm not disagreeing. But in some ways, it's really easy, and we muddy it up. We make it way more complicated. We let the world seep in, and we let this happen, and we get all up in our heads, and we're focused on this thing. At the end of the day, our normal preset, I think for most people, is to just do the right thing and be good people and be present. It's that we let outside forces complicate that. To whatever degree we're talking about, if we're talking about addictions or vices or really big things, if we're just talking about some desire to treat work, more important than family, and you don't answer the phone. I mean, like there's so many levels to that.

23:37I mean, it's not one thing, but I mean, I do think most people are inherently good people to start with. But it gets muddied. That's what happens. It gets all muddied up. Yeah. It's like, and I said this before, I fell into that trap of thinking I was more important than I was, and I've shared that before on here, and being the star of my own movie in my head, and you know what I mean? And when you find out that, you know, nobody really cares what you're wearing, or what you, you know, it's, because they're on their own. Yeah, they got their own stuff. And, you know, it's, it's, but you know, like I said, I still have friends of mine that are still called up in that, you know, that world, and a thing, you know, I mean, like they, well, they want to be, to me, it's like they,

24:37and I get this, like they want to be accepted. They want to be cool. They want to have, whatever it may be, you know, they want to know the coach. I want to know this, the, whatever it is, it's just like, this because you know someone does not make you important, or, um, Well, and so often, that means you're compensating. You're trying to find some happiness or some fulfillment or some, and knowledge, and you're not getting it in other places. I mean, look, it's been, that's been the case for me too. I mean, I'm not absent of that. I've done those things. I've wanted certain trophy. You know, I've got, you know, we've talked about the neagram thing a little bit. I mean, neagram three. Sometimes we chase notoriety. We chase trophies. We chase the reward of something more than the, the, the earned fulfillment of actually doing the work. It's just wanting whatever, you know, comes, comes from that at the end. And, I was, I was laughing a second ago as you're talking, because the star of the movie you're thinking that people notice you more than they do. I had, I had,

25:37and this is such, it's not exactly the same thing, but it's such a stupid instance of that. It's last week or two ago. Yeah. Yeah. I had a business meeting about something. It was fairly important. And I, I met somebody for coffee and was, we had, we talked for about an hour or whatever, got up, left, went our own ways, everything went well, well, well, you know, I'm always pretty particular about, I mean, dressing well for events. I try to be, that decorum is very important to me, especially compared to a lot of people my age or younger. And the next morning, I had another meeting, somewhere else in town, and I was running late. I'd gone for a run, I'd taken a shower, and I was like, hey, just, like, get out of here. You got to go, you're, you, because I have an obsession about not being late. It drives me insane. So I'll do whatever I got to do to make sure I'm on time. And all I had over there was the pullover, or the quarter-zoop, I'd had on the day before. And I was just getting ready fast, and I was like, I've got different shorts on. Like, I'm not going to see anybody. Just throw it on, like, it's fine. I walk in the freaking restaurant,

26:37and the first person was who I had the meeting with yesterday, and I had the same clothes on, and dude, it rattled me the entire day. Like, I went to the point of, I wanted to send an email, like, almost explaining or apologizing. And I had multiple people go, do you think they knew or looked like, who do you think, like, why do you think they give a shit? Like, or would have any idea? Yeah. Yeah, you're probably right. Nah, that's probably probably probably true there. But I did, like, I was all in my head. I was like, I can't believe I did that. I'm an idiot. I'm like, beating myself up. And it's like, dude, you put a mostly clean quarters it on. Like, you didn't, you didn't go kick a puppy. Yeah, you're good. Yeah, it's gonna be all right. Yeah, yeah, you're right. I don't want me to, I guess it's just human nature. I mean, it's like my dad always says, he's like, you know, you're always going to be liked. Like, you know, when you're little, you want, you want, yeah, you want people to like you. Like, that's, that's human nature. Like,

27:37who doesn't, like, if you don't want people to like you, then so it's really wrong with you. You know what I mean? Like, and you want people to not accept you. But, um, I think accept is right. I think respect is right. I think both of those are correct. It's, yeah. You want to be part of a tribe. You want to be included. I mean, people want, people want the engagement in the, the social structure of being in clicks and groups and things. It's why we have clicks and groups. It's why, it's why in school, clicks sometimes are the most dangerous things in the world. And they, they get, you know, it's because you have immature people who are thinking they've got to protect their place by beating down somebody else. Yeah. That's what happened. That's how they exist. Yeah. And that, yeah. Yeah. I could, you could go on a minute for that, couldn't you? Oh, man. I, I, yeah. I was thinking, you know, when I was in my kids, I'm, I'm, I got to be careful. No,

28:37you're right. And even adults, man. Like, he learned how to talk about it a lot. I'm just, you know, it's, you, I think you said it on the show while back. Or maybe, you just had power conversation. But you, somebody say, like, well, do I care about the opinion of this other person? And when I probably what, when I don't, it is like now I set it to myself a lot like if it's a someone asked them you know join us for dinner or whatever and I'm like well I don't really want to go because I don't really care I mean they're not really friends you got a cursing invite and like this happened a while back it's like we got this cursing invite and Joe birthday party and I'm like they gotta they have a click and I'm like we're not in the click and that's okay like I'm not I'm not upset about that at all but we have some friends in the click and we got them by because of that and I'm like I'm not going because that's I'm not like I'm okay like I'm okay with who I am like I'm not I don't need to be I don't need a cursing invite like I just I'm not doing it and then when I said

29:37that Hillary's like damn you're right but we got to do the right thing because this is our friend and I'm like yeah no we don't like it's like you know and we end up going but and I end up sitting by one of my buddies so I really enjoyed he literally said the same thing he he literally said and goes and he's in the click he's like dude I'm so glad you came because I don't like talking these folks he's like I mean they're my friends but they you know they're so superficial so to speak and he's in the click he's invited to the mixer and well he sees he's like you know they beat everybody down that they can't beat or somebody has more than them now these are adults like they and and I'm just like dude like I'm so crazy you're saying that he's like yeah he's like I mean they're my friends and I love him but I I do know where I stand and I know you know they're not going to change who I am I'm I don't take part in one day you know what I'm saying I mean it's more than that but but you did know where I know I don't get why how people bash other people that are

30:42more successful than them or I don't know just I don't really get on that or better look in or fit or whatever I just I've never really done I've never gotten into that for whatever instincts to try to free their protectors or to expand or yeah it's it's it's it's it's there's a lot to that well anyway I mean friendships at any age we're let's not forget friendships relationships at any age are complicated kids complicated because what we talk about with immaturity and still learning social engagement and all the things that going with that through school you got all kind of mess there you know sometimes team members or co-workers are fighting for the same promotions or the same time with the balls or things where that can get very Lord of the flies in ways where they can be good people and still be competing like hell in ways that become malicious and unfriendly and everything else and you know I think as adults you know we don't we get caught in what we expect with with friends we don't make new friends very well

31:53sometimes we don't want to make new friends frankly I mean I'm I'm I had phased from like now I'm good got got got enough no no hashtag no new friends I'm good but you know you come across somebody yeah it's it's a little weird like we're busy and when you're busy you don't change much when you're busy you're not looking for new people and new outlets even though sometimes you should I mean you should always be you should be curious at all times that there's people that can elevate and expand your worldview and make and make you a better person or be great for you I mean okay you got to be open to that but what we do is I think been both ways I think we have a hard time getting people into our circle and finding the time for them and really making those kind of efforts because I think adult for you know friendships and in business relationships or whatever you say like it takes effort it takes planning you've got to like make sure that's on the schedule and something you want to do and before you know them well enough maybe you think they don't have enough impact to fit into that schedule and how do you do that but then look at dude Ben

32:53it works the other way too where we have people in our lives where you look up and you go god why am I giving them that's much time why am I trying so damn hard like why why am I playing along with where either we don't fit each other in our roles anymore or I've changed or they've changed or something is incompatible and yet I think adults do this way worse than kids they just keep doing it and we don't look up and go hey bye god wins enough's enough where for their sake and my say we're just let's just not do this anymore let's separate a little bit let's let's let's break off we don't we don't change either direction we just kind of sit in the middle and ride you look up and spend three or four years and you go look it's a it's probably a pretty valuable and I've done it before probably a pretty valuable exercise and just write down a lot of names and relationships and just kind of great them a little bit because look and and that's not putting judgment or other people sometimes you're the problem like look trust me you mean yeah somebody else is trying harder than I'm trying somebody else is doing something I'm not doing I've got you know they're really

33:56really putting into this friendship so I need to step back and go okay why am I not matching that do I just not have time am I putting family am I putting this over it instead do I not care as much well so they need to be aware of that because they're putting something into me that I simply I'm not going to replicate so what do you do I think I think sometimes a complete examination of everybody in the roles they play can be healthy for you but it's helpful for them too yeah yeah well how do you I'm gonna take that to business what you're saying now from friendship to business which you know the Wendy wins a good time for you to look at and you know what I'm saying about that for is you got a coiness as a friends and you do business with them when when do you wins a nut like when do you if you're if you if you feel like you're getting yanked around so to speak and you're putting in and you're you're holding up everything you say you're doing if they ask whatever whatever whatever you're taking care what you need take care of for is that business

35:00for them if they're a client or whatever but they're not holding up their agreement with you so you know what I'm saying so how do you because I think I'm told you before like me I'm the type person where I'll do anything for anybody but there's a point and Hillary says this all the time there's a point where I go when I start feeling used and once I start sniffing that I'm out like I'm out I'm out like I won't ever talk to that person again like and there's nothing but apparently that's a trigger for me for whatever reason and I literally will just I'm done you know and and do you do you have any or how's that look for you like you know what I mean um you know my I am more guarded on especially for my business it's got to I am very careful to the point of being probably overly cautious and overly explanatory to get into any kind of

36:08business relationship with a with a friend first like it's got to be a really significant special situation it's got to be something where it's like hey like here we need outs on this in case because I'm not going to mess up the friendship over us but you can't blame both benefit from something great but this needs to be very clear because you just see so many heart feelings and so many relationship issues and so many lack of things done I mean yeah it's a it's a it's a scary deal but I don't think it has to be friends I mean I think it can be acquaintances it can be people you simply just have done business with for a long time and you have that that level of relationship because it's it's it's any it's any relationship where you have an expectation what you expect them to do that's what it is it's it doesn't have to be friends partners whatever it is it is anybody where you have a thought in mind of what they're supposed to do and their quid pro quo to match what you're putting into it and once that once you have that phrased and it's not met it's going to bother you or hurt or be relevant just like a friendship or

37:14anything else because it's it's part of your orbit it's part of your world it's part of a monthly or what yearly or weekly or daily expectation of no no no this person's in my life and they're in my life to do this because I'm doing this and once that balance is no longer in the middle and it gets all one sided you go hold on a minute my time's valuable my you know the thing that I'm doing with this person somebody else might do it and they might appreciate it and then it becomes this is where it gets all thrown off where you're going is well now it's a judgment on me if they're not putting that back in or they're not meeting their thing it's not just a business thing anymore it becomes hey they're hurting me as an entity as a person as in my emotionally to some degree depending on who it is I know how do you balance that and I don't know I I think it's such a hard conversation because the thing that fixes that or keeps it from happening is really hard what's really can only happen with somebody who's not going to do it

38:15to begin with which is massive amounts of communication and understanding and a lot of free space in that where you can just talk because I mean you know if you are having a problem and it's affecting some of the business or the blue sky live stuff I mean yeah we just have a conversation okay fine whatever it's all good whatever I don't care so we'll hey this is what I have going on this is why here's how we do how can we fix it here's whatever and what it would end up being with some sort of will amend or will change something to make it work and then we'll get to another area and we'll move forward well that takes a lot of communication that takes a lot of work that takes a lot of want to and your issue with the people you're talking about or purse your talk matter whatever the conversation is well that person already is exhibiting they don't have the want to so they're not going to have the want to to communicate to get us to the point of even doing this to begin with and I mean look it's I mean I mentioned on the show 7000 times maybe the most important book I've ever read is quit telling you sometimes when it's better just a freaking cut it off because and it sucks I mean because you you don't want to anybody in your life to any

39:20level that you have put any type of time until you don't want to end it I mean you don't want to cut it off me business relationships I mean you know I've lost sponsors where it sucks I mean because it's not because of the money or anything else because you'd hate losing the people somebody you really like that you like doing with it you hope that you can help in some way that there's a mutually beneficial aspect to it but I mean I'll tell you in the book talks about it sometimes sometimes it's just yeah no that's it yeah but you kind of nailed it though you said it's it's a lot of me putting expectations on what they should be doing for us and for me you know what I mean like in my mind hey this is what they bring to the tape well you're spending doing a bring a porterhouse and they bring flanks today either they promised the porterhouse or they had brought the porterhouse before though I mean you're not making an unrealistic expectation there we go well you you you tell me well that that's okay that's that's it I know we're talking to cove but when someone's like they're literally bringing the porterhouse and so you're you're

40:23literally building a hat you know you're building it's a port that you know and it's like again it it it it it's hard and I know it's business um but but you I think you kind of nailed it with me without like it's expectations I'm putting on other people but you're in fair but in and and but their actions ask for those expectations true yeah when you're running a business and just like if I called you hey man I won't I won't this this said this this this and this this this and and you do all of that that that that and then all of a sudden I go in a different direction go you know it's like and I don't yeah I'm trying that it makes sense but you know I can say I think you're letting the people off the hook a little and even how you're saying that though because you're going hey it's my fault I put this expectation and I again I get what you're saying but in some ways not really because no there is a pattern in every relationship there is a pattern of communication and expectation and what somebody does and when that is being

41:27fueled and then stops there's a loss there's a hold on a minute what's going on and that's not mean no they they actually created what it is you're thinking and almost every instance I mean again to stay with the food thing if I go to St. Leo and I I order the bacon jam pizza with pepperoni and it's my favorite pizza in town and I love it and I eat it and I eat it and I go back five weeks in a row and it's always perfect I go by that six week and I go hey I want the bacon jam pizza and I want you to add some pepperoni and they bring one of those tatinos party packs you put in the oven in front of me and sit it down and I go whoa whoa whoa that's not my fault for having this expectation it's because you brought me the gold every time and now all of a sudden I'm doing the exact same thing I'm going to pay you for it I'm sitting down I'm ordering a cocktail I'm being nice you're the one that didn't bring the right pizza so it's not my fault that I expected the pizza I get that I get what you're yeah yeah yeah totally totally I mean and at some point if they keep bringing the tenos you know what I do I'll stop going there yeah yeah I mean yeah

42:30my my my be a little messy my be a little messy but you know yes you're correct and I feel like that's where I've grown as a person because the old me immature me would have been throwing a fit six weeks ago you know what I mean not understanding you know and I'll say his Hillary and and therapy and friends and you and the show but you know it really does help when you when you say things out loud and and you kind of I have to step back a lot of times with big decisions or whatever it may be you know because every business I mean I have a partner you know if it's with it's credit goals David with with the form is Hillary with the Western it's it's about four of you know it's a group of people all this stuff or whatever and so you have to think about that other person or persons and you know it's not just me so I've I've had to learn how to step back and analyze discuss the way I'm feeling because a lot of time it's just me feeling a certain

43:34way you know like because I'm a buffoon like that's it like you know and and and a lot of times especially my wife you know and my brother too but my wife especially she knows how I operate and how I think and how I process and all that stuff and and and as like she said a million nights she's like I'm waiting well she's on the phone with somebody that works with us she's like oh I'm just waiting for Ben to get that sniff of him being used or feeling like he's being used and then there's that it's coming like it's gonna go from nothing to f5 tornado and she's like but he's been working really hard on processing and stuff so um but it made me feel good because it is one of those things where she recognizes and I've worked on this if I feel and you know this too if I feel like someone's using me and there's a difference between me doing a favor me helping out a friend of work that's I'm not saying that but we're you're using us

44:39I I can't do it man like I go I go everybody's spotty sense is know the difference like you know the difference if somebody's going hey look like you know whatever I mean that's different than when you know you you show me the text thread and it's the same question nine weeks in a row asking for the same like yeah that that's a different that's a that's a different deal like yeah like yeah yeah but it is but that's like anything though I think again though the same thing if I ask you for a favor okay well in your head immediately what you're doing is is that person's mind and heart in the right place and are they contributing to this relationship in some way is this a you know what I mean you're like yeah yeah is that is that is that is that is that an honest ask if you will and not to be anything big I mean can be anything you can be hey come get me and take me to the store because my car is going to fly out I mean it's whatever it is

45:40it's hey what is this other person doing and and again sometimes you're the one not doing it I mean look there's people again I like where you look up and go no no hey that's some of a gun's trying really try yeah yeah and I'm not so now why am I not yeah that's like it's funny bring it up because we literally were talking to our kids about something the other day and and he'll even brought that up she said well if it's if you keep doing the same thing or or let's say I'm just saying friends if if your friends are saying or not hanging out with you because of this this this and you keep blaming them for this this this with some point you gotta look at the mirror going it might be me it might not be my six friends that are they're not one I mean at some point you gotta look at the mirror and go all right I gotta hold myself accountable because it's gotta be I'm probably the problem I can't keep pointing fingers at everybody else I gotta take accountability and see what is it what am I doing this causing some of these problems or how do I change my behavior or you know whatever it may be um because that happens a lot you know

46:45where you're where it I'm the problem well I'm just saying the gym you know what I mean I mean I mean look I'll put a really basic example here and it's something that I've done in the past is like I've I've I've had times where I'm like griping going my friends never called me they never invite me anything they don't do this and I'm like having this pity party it's my stop should go well be called them would you go and when I took the two things hey did you call them and hey the last five times they asked did you say yes or no it's like uh that that's what Hillary tells me you know okay yeah but would you go no why would they ask they've asked you ten times and you said no I mean like it literally like you know it's like but yeah you're right so you look at that going well yeah I might be the problem like it might be me you know um you know and I it's funny you say that I've really worked on trying to uh over the years you know because I you know when I get home from work I like kicking off I'm kicking off my shoes I might

47:45going to run or walk or whatever decompress from the day um we go eat whatever and I don't like getting back out and you know a lot of times Hillary she likes to go which which I love don't get me wrong but I like to I like to know the plan ahead of time I don't like I don't like being hit with oh we got to go we got to go to dinner with the you know 10 people 96 you only got an hour you get ready like that I can't handle that for example my because that's not what you were anticipating yeah and it you know I know it's stupid but it's like for me you know and Hillary does a good job now trying to communicate that to me because she knows how I process things and again it's it's it's silly for those who don't understand that I know it's silly but for those that are alike me you know I like to like to kind of know the plan then I know plans change but I don't have I don't I don't have a lot of problem with that I I hear about the plan so yeah you get it you get I mean I want to give it look I got to talk about work week so I know we're

48:52about to get off now you're good so I got to the guy that cuts my hair Josh he he has underground saloon it's a place in the halloween village and and um great dude and and I was literally getting a haircut from him and uh so I was just I'm we're talking about something and I'm I've mentioned the podcast and uh and Josh is a really deep thinker too and and um he's like do you send me the podcast today so I told him I said it to him whenever it comes out Sunday and um but anyway I just want to give a shout out Josh because he he's a great guy and um people that know who I'm talking about no no you know you know what I mean when I say these this this one may come out tomorrow because I'm going to try to double up this week oh okay okay okay so probably that's all that's all this but but but you know it's like certain people too though and like you know he you know hearing the stories of some of the guys you know some of the haircuts he does and you know you hear a lot in a barber shop you know what I mean um and I think not only I think there's like three guys four guys and two ladies in there but anyway but it's his and I think he's got a partner but anyway he does a great job and he's just a good dude um so I told him how to go

49:57I was going to embarrass him today so yeah maybe somebody will call him up at a client at a few clients oh he I'm sure here you know a little free plug maybe he might start doing a little business with us yeah yeah he can't yeah people have some people all good yeah that's what we do check get the trail get the trail yeah yeah I mean yeah I get the trail once for wheat bud so are you going out to eat tonight or are you at home hopefully we're at home okay I mean you don't want to see people we went out to wear pants man well now it's like the day it's just the weather so crazy right now and is it cold up there no it's hot it's great it's like 70s for today oh man was it cold this morning yeah it's freezing this morning yeah I mean I'm only two hours north I mean you're I can like I mean Minnesota like no it's right here I don't know yeah are you in Connecticut man where you at man no it's not afternoon I had I had a meeting I had to

50:58talk to somebody I had I had like short sleeves all good hey did y'all talk about uh the hiring of market market Switzerland uh I was waiting for it to be official so probably we'll talk about it tomorrow I think okay my I talked to him yesterday you do I love him man like you know teammate of mine I think I played two years with Marcus um and kind of followed his career you know and and he he's so happy to be back home you know I mean it's it's family is mom and dad are getting older and um his mother-law you know it's anyway he's just he's just it's awesome to see guys I mean I've got a lot of friends of mine that are teammates of mine that have gone on and coached and done really well and um and Marcus is one of those guys and he's just a good dude you know just a good guy and and and he's got he started telling me some stories about how hard it is to recruit in some of these areas he's been in and you don't really think about it and I'm not gonna name I'm not gonna do it but it's let's like you don't really think about some

52:01of these areas and he said one particular one they're not really successful and it's and he's like it's just hard to bring people down this way you know and anyway anyway anyway anyway I just anyway I'm just glad he's bad yeah he's been working back for a long time so anyway yeah all right we will get on toward the house let him take his pants off enjoy his evening here is uh it's getting close to 4 30s we're hitting the button here today but uh appreciate everybody again try to try to double up get back to you get a little more I don't know words of wisdoms words of stupidity however you're right as it's fine as long as you listen I don't carry the way we can laugh at us believe us whatever you want to but appreciate it hope all of you have a wonderful day the weather's gonna be fantastic this weekend up into the 80s for all the baseball games this weekend we got uh got some spring summer type temperatures coming around for you so take care and we'll talk to you again so Liberty Liberty Mutual customizes your car and home insurance

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