Personality Isn’t Permanent? The Science Behind Changing Who You Are

0:00Hey everybody, uh, sorry about the inconvenience something messed up with our I I messed up. I was trying to be nice. I messed up the camera really messed up and didn't check the memory card So this week it is audio only. Sorry about that. We'll be back next week. You can see our happy shining faces Are they shining? I dressed up for this I'm wearing a tuxedo Uh, anyway, I hope you enjoyed this episode You're listening to the really very crunchy podcast with your hosts Emily and Jason Emily. We're doing it We're what are we doing? Having a can we say this? A home birth? Oh, you're just putting it out there. I mean You're just looking for a way to start the podcast so Yeah Telling my personal health information I don't do that for you. I never had to sign a HIPAA violation paper thing. I could say whatever I want We are having a home birth so The HIPAA apply for home births

1:01We decided this basically right after the last podcast we talked about it Yeah, this isn't what the whole podcast is going to be about. Jason just was desperately searching for something to talk about And I guess he landed on our birth Desperately? Desperately Hey, how could I intro this? Oh, I've got it. I'm desperate No, it's interesting Yeah, so I was going to the One of our local hospital midwife groups But they weren't answering some of my concerns about past birth experiences Just kind of saying we'll cross out bridge when we get to it But yeah, that's what you want to hear I have a very deep concern about this one thing And I think I could be doing what we talked about in the last thing what do things I could be doing And what's the protocol if this thing happens and you're in We'll cross that bridge We'll cross that bridge when we get to it

2:01What do I do in the event of a house fire We'll cross that bridge when we get to it It is a little different And anyway, so we don't need a fire escape plan We how often the fires happen anyway We'll see how it goes I really trust my midwife I'm very pleased with her Had a couple appointments and feel good Feel good about her approach About her cautiousness About everything So just pray the Lord protects me and baby during this process Baby and me So I have a question about moms and home births Okay, I'm not getting crazy here This is not controversial at all Except for the, you know, some people think home births are crazy But that's not It's a little crazy I guess it's a little like to me it's a little radical

3:01It's not at all because that's how history was But then I mean I think about It's radical to the system But the system was put in place for reason So I get it But then it has been abused So and just reading about the physiological process of birth And how it can be disrupted That I never really realized your body has to feel safe I mean like if you're, if you think we are animals in a way, you know And if you think about animals giving birth in the wild They're not going to do it if they're being observed Is one of the things that keeps like coming up as I'm reading about it Oh really? If they're being watched? Yeah Well then how do you explain all the videos? I guess they were trail cams Jason I don't know I'm calling Bull on that one

4:01Have you ever seen National Geographic? I've seen too many deer born It makes sense They're talking about like okay so your body is in this rhythm And then you're like okay I'm going to leave this safe space And go to a hospital where there are bright lights First of all just going And then there's like this level of cortisol Which stops the birth process All the hormones work together And it's really interesting you should look it up and read about it And it makes me feel encouraged about my choice Yeah Do all nomadic animals have a home birth technically speaking? I also feel that I feel ignored This is way TMI and probably gross Oh well you've heard it here folks But I can't even use the bathroom in

5:01You know in places that people would Like people can just go to the bathroom And like I have to be at home I have to be at home or at a cracker barrel That's my you know I gotta be at home If it's like a long vacation Things have to happen And you know Hold on can I add to that Here's a little TMI If you were at the wellness collective for us last week Erton week last year Last year On day two which was phenomenal by the way You are watching the most Constipated man you have ever seen In your life Just saying I'm just throwing out my TMI It's funny that that's what you Think about because that's also where our child was conceived So kind of a weird like TMI and all over the place TMI and all over the place Anyway

6:01Gosh So I just like I think about that That my my inclination Yeah And so like So what you want is a free birth No Well maybe I don't know It would you probably what would be crazy is you probably have like a 30 minute labor And it'd be done with the easiest labor possible if you're just like nobody's here Yeah but I don't but you have to feel safe Yeah and I don't think I would feel safe I know Some people do That's great they have a lot of confidence Yeah that's I yeah that takes a certain personality I would I would think To be able to just Yeah I'm gonna do that Yeah Confidence out the wazoo Yeah Literally We have named our child Confidence Okay We call her Connie For short

7:01But yeah No I think it's gonna be great How much does an aesthetic matter in this situation Because I need to know I know we're doing the middle earth thing But how am I going to How am I going to decorate the house For your for your birth What do I need to do? Nothing please don't Do you want me to flatten the ceilings before? Oh sure Would that help? Yeah that would be Would that lower cord is all left? Right and there's such drastic savings from a hospital birth to You're not wrong A midwife? Yeah so what a I wonder if we could build for the ceiling flattening You know Yeah We use Christian health care ministries and not sponsored And we so you have to pay up front and then you submit your bills So do you think they'd go for it? For like this is part of the birth process If we have the contractor signed something saying it was birth related

8:03And the midwife just there in the same document She needs it She needs flat ceilings and nice wood floors all throughout the house Right Let's birth as expensive again It's like well all that money would have gone to a doctor It would have gone to the hospital system Yeah It's like I don't know Why not? What do we estimate that? It would be like what? $30,000 for all of that to get done? Yeah I think a hospital birth is probably just 15 to 20 Oh Depending on what happens You know standard hospital birth I don't know Yeah I don't remember No Well yeah I mean with insurance and stuff we wouldn't be paying that amount So really dear It's not how it works I know people like We're submitting it though No we're submitting it That's like some people saying when they're like Oh it's fine this is tax deductible And it's like You know that's not free money Yeah It's more like a discount Right It's more like I don't know what percentage But it's like a percentage discount

9:03I think some people who say Oh this is tax deductible Think they're getting it for free Yeah And really you can You're getting a better deal than what you are Of course You're not paying taxes on that Which ends up being a percentage that you don't have to pay So it's like a discount So it is a better deal You know but it's not free Some people are like Wow it's tax deductible I'm gonna get that You know $90,000 car Why not? It's a free $90,000 car Yeah No It's more like a $75,000 car now Or something Is that the math? I, you know It's about like that It's not as much of a discount as you would think You're not saving that much money That sounds like a big discount What? $15,000? Yeah that sounds big Okay well I think you shouldn't talk of I think you shouldn't speak to this I don't do our taxes When I did our taxes, I messed up so much

10:05We always owed a lot A lot I don't think I'm doing this right Then I finally got a tax guy And things got better So yeah, sorry for all those years of like We made no money And somehow owed the government a lot Yeah you always feel like you're getting a good deal though Through like, I don't know what we're using Zoom taxes? What do people use? Zoom Zoom Zoom is your old music player that you had I'm just trying to think of one of the online that you do It's like $50 or something Sponsored by It's not like QuickBooks or something But I forgot what one was Tax.com Anyway, but now we have to file four times a year, right? A small business? Right, you have to do quarterly stuff And it's

11:05Yeah But you used to make money from like Selling your books Yeah Oh, I have different tax forms for different countries That the book was sold in Even if I sold for like $10 and say France I had a different tax form And it's like, I can't do this This is crazy I know I'm internationally well known But by like five people in Europe But no, yeah, I got annoying But now that's all different Yeah Because we got a tax guy So it's been worth it It has been Yeah But maybe if I had just become a person The type of person to pay more attention to detail And really figure out how to do it It would have been fine And we'd save whatever we paid a tax guy at the time If you became the kind of person Who really paid attention to detail Yeah, like just completely changed my personality Do that These days I'm all about quality over quantity

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13:08And 365-day returns Quints.com slash RVC I think you don't see the details You just don't see them But how can you make yourself seed details? Give me an example, what are you even talking about? I hung up a big picture in the hallway No, I mean, I noticed that immediately I'm proud of that one I'm proud of that one I noticed it the day you did it The day I did it I don't know if you noticed it the first time in my show But you were like I like that picture I don't know how long it's been there But I like it Yeah And it's like How do you not know how long it's been there? I mean Yeah How do you not know that it was Hunter Or that Masonic building in Yeah, there's a building at this like Weird turning point and you've never noticed it Yeah, I'm like Oh, there's a Masonic lodge right there

14:09Never seen that and I've been by that building How many times in my life? Hundreds Hundreds of times Yeah Every time I go to the library To upload the podcast Because our internet's so slow Yeah, I never knew Who would put a Masonic lodge Right next to a high school There's a lot of things you don't Sounds like a recruiting It does It does But you don't notice You just don't notice things Oh, there you want to join the Mason's Yeah Do we have a friend who's a Mason? Yeah, or was I don't know if he still is Can you get out? No No, once a Mason always a Mason Or you're dead That's what I've heard Well, so he's a Mason According to Dan Brown at least You know I don't know who that is Oh, the DaVinci code guy I don't know if he even talks about the Mason's I read the DaVinci code Back, I don't know, 15 years ago And I was like This isn't that interesting

15:09It seems fake I never read it, never saw the movie It was okay That was fine Um Yeah Well, so apparently You can Scientifically Change your personality You can Tell us more You can do it If you want to And And this, here's the kicker I need help with those No, I think you've already done it You think I've done it? Yeah We'll get into it In a good way or a bad way It could go either way Oh good Yeah, I guess it could Yeah, if you can change your personality in a More positive way You can certainly change it in a more negative way I think I have changed myself in a more negative way as well But we can get there Oh I don't think anybody Would change their personality in a negative way on purpose Intentionally I mean, I guess some people would I'm gonna become meaner Mm-hmm Maybe Well, yeah, if you're like a I mean, I'm hearted A people pleaser

16:09Yeah, I'm hearted You have to like make yourself slightly meaner In order to, you know, wow Yeah, I guess you would I mean, I think about right now I'm thinking I'm trying to really Tighten up my Forest Friends group To families who are very committed to the group Can't come out So that means I have had to remove Families who have not attended Yeah Because at the beginning of the year I put out a thing that said I would I am expecting All families to at least make 50% attendance If you can't make 50% of the time You're not committed To the group Yeah So I feel like that's a pretty flexible and lenient thing If you went to a school And they said, oh, you only have to come 50% of the time Oh man, I would have done great That's like barely coming, you know Yeah So I feel like it's a very reasonable request

17:11Yeah And It is your group after all In fact, what you should do is make some really arbitrary rules Like if you don't bring T 50% of the time You're out Or if We're not trying to just be mean I'm trying to make it a group that is Well, that's a strategy to pair down Well, anyway, I've had a really meaningful conversation You don't have one meaningful conversation with me each week You're out Get it down to five people That's not how I'm doing it It's basically attendance I'm saying you should And there has been leeway And it's been, you know, anyway Okay So I have had two And people have gotten upset Yeah There's been more than one person who has been upset about being removed But so that, to me, I'm like, well, I have changed Because old me would have just been like, okay, whatever Yeah Yeah Yeah It's fine But because I have a goal for the group

18:11I have to be a little more intense And you're out What's worse National media attention that's negative Or someone in your forest friends Or who used to be in your forest friends Is mad at you I've had both situations So Yeah I can't say I cried more over the national media It was new Kind of used to it now I think now if it happened, I'd be like, hmm Nice Well, that's interesting Yeah, well, the media that comes after you has become so awful In its own way If you're not mad at me, I'm doing something wrong Right Well, people question things from me And I'm like, I don't let my kids have food die So like basically any question you're going to ask Frame it with that in mind Yeah I don't let my kids have food die

19:12We don't give our kids excessive screen time We don't like Frame it in there Think about your question Yeah Yeah And think I don't let my kids get the sugar cookie At the bakery that has the food die Yeah Just think about that Yeah So that should answer a lot for you Yeah Yeah Well, okay So I think first of all, let's identify what exactly is a personality Okay, we all know what it is I want me to give you my definition Sure Are you, you have a definition right now? Yeah, just to have a baseline Whatever Go ahead What is a personality? A personality is your natural inclinations To In how you react to certain situations

20:14That is a personality Yeah, actually Combination of thoughts, feelings, and behavior that define an individual And guide their interactions with the world I'd say mine was pretty good That's pretty darn close You call me Webster Yeah All right No, I like Emily Rooted in both genetics and environment, environment's key Environment's key, I would say These endearing patterns often categorized by traits of the big five So that's how the big five is really how they typically define personalities Okay Now there's obviously going to be nuance to it You know, there's different things But here they are The big five, they call it the ocean model Oh, oh see, yeah Oh, I get it It's an acronym Oh Yeah, I didn't realize that Okay, openness Openness

21:14Like to experience like curiosity It also has creativity That's involved with openness Okay Conscientiousness Being organized, dependable, that kind of thing See, to me, conscientiousness, conscientious That's a weird one because I'm not organized But I am dependable Did you put those two together? Well, that they did I'm dependable The man did, whoever came up I am dependable Yeah, so there's And I'm not going to litter So if there's like if you're rating it from like zero to a hundred A lot of these tests do when you take a personality test for the big five You might fall somewhere in like the 50% Because like in some things You are conscientious And then other things like being Not organized or something Is hurting your 50 Your other 50% Okay So like you know, it encompasses quite a few different things

22:14But speaking of the other day We saw a child litter And everyone in the car was like It was crazy Even I He got up to school with us Go figure And just like pull something out of his pocket And just threw it in the ditch Throw it in the ditch Like you're two feet from your house Yeah How do you litter? Yeah How can you litter? I don't know In this day and age How are you littering? Maybe because he would learn about it at school that day Littering and he's like Maybe he's one of us But he just doesn't understand yet I'll show it, stick it to the man Tell me about littering You know, he's actually Rebelling against school I don't think so No, he's probably just a jerk Yeah You can't say that about a kid They're still becoming a person Okay There's plenty of kids that are Extraversion

23:14Being sociable and energetic That's part of it That feels more like a health thing Have you ever seen an extrovert that isn't energetic? Well, yes not Yeah They have this certain energy about them They gain energy from Being around people and stuff But you can change that I used to be more extroverted now I'm more introverted Yeah, probably because of environment Okay Anyway Agreeableness, being compassionate and cooperative And of course there's other aspects to it Those are the more overarching aspects of it And neuroticism, emotional stability and instability Of course extroversion Also the lower you are in extroversion The more introversion So that's why it's not introversion, extrovert So it's extrovert So they're saying introversion is a flaw

24:17Basically if you're grading it from 0 to 100 And less extroversion On the surface it looks like that Though I'm not certain that you could say that on any of them They are necessarily bad It's not always bad to be disagreeable Sometimes you need that In general, it's not great It's not great to be disagreeable It's not bad to be disagreeable Can you imagine this podcast if I was just Mr. Agreeable It would be boring I wouldn't have called that kid a jerk for littering I mean we all audibly guessed We did, it was like A collective He just littered What in the world Yeah His conscientiousness is a zero Yeah, he's not agreeable Nothing Alright, so I think the conventional wisdom of the day has been Until recently that once you hit about 30 years old

25:18Your personality is just what it is You are who you are You are who you are And that's apparently not true So there is a professor named Shannon Sauer Zavala Oh, Shannon Sauer Zavala Yeah From the University of Kentucky We have all the places I'm pulling all the studies from Kentucky Lately She said with the right intervention Introverts can become extroverts Sloppy people can be neither Slackers can gain ambition And anxious people can become calm I see where you're going You see where I'm going with this And so they say that it takes So basically the idea That if you're going to purposefully change your personality

26:18You take like a personality quiz That is within the big five It tells you where you fall on the big five And these different areas So it has to be a specific ocean quiz See I was looking that up There are better quizzes out there Obviously generally speaking If you have enough questions It's going to give you a vague idea If you're answering honestly Whatever you can pretty much find online That doesn't look too scammy It's going to give you a decent idea of Where you fall on that scale Because it's a pretty well known Are people not able to just look inside their heart And know Yes, but you might be surprised Well, that's the other thing You have to be completely honest on the quiz Yeah, but when I'm taking a quiz I can answer how I want But if you're trying to change your personality Why would you answer how you want And how you are Part of my personality is to lie on personality quizzes

27:20No, I'm just saying I think we all know We all know our tendencies We all know Maybe there are types of people Who like can do no wrong Sure And they might not realize that But are those people That's what I'm saying Because you do expose some of your weaknesses And answer questions And what is that? If you can do no wrong What is that? Part of the big five is that What are they one more time to say? Openness to experience Extraversion, agreeableness, neuroticism Maybe neuroticism Like they're not emotionally stable within themselves So they have to protect themselves And like I can do no wrong I don't know That's a hard one for me That I can do no wrong Because I'm like I'm always wrong It's me That's probably why we do so well together We're both like We stink We're the worst Sorry

28:20I thought I was worse than you But not today I don't know It's usually me that's the worst I agree Yeah, that's fine Yeah, I think I actually think the only person immune to this type of thing Is the person who can do no wrong And so And I know That's also like an openness thing Open to realizing That you'll be wrong Probably Or conscientiousness Or a little bit of all of it Yeah Conscientiousness Well, dependable You're dependable to yourself I don't know, I don't know So that Whatever that personality type is And whatever that is messed up there Where you can do no wrong That is the only person that I could see Would have the toughest time doing something like this Because they're not going to be honest on their test Yes, we don't have to have a test To identify something That's just an easy way to see like

29:21Okay, I see it It's a big picture Like I understand Like where I am I can see it on paper This is what I want to work on So like you Then go to your test Or just where you think you need work And you focus on that one thing That one aspect of your personality For me, let's say It's probably like Either extroversion or agreeableness I have had the tendency And I think I've changed myself over time a little bit To become a little more Extroverted than I used to be Not a lot, I haven't changed it a lot But more so Agreeableness I could use work I am, you know I tend to fall on the Not very agreeable side of things And I think my exposure To your disagreeableness Has made me a little more disagreeable But not in a bad way You've opened my eyes way I don't know how I feel about that

30:23You've made me a jerk No, just You have lessened my naivete Well, you've kept me from littering Really? No, I never littered What psycho just throws trash onto the ground I see it Your dad has littered Psycho I know I don't know if he said that Wait, since the 90s, I mean I don't know We all did a little bit in the 90s Who were we kept? I didn't litter What? Wasn't a litter bug Come on In the 90s, you didn't like I got a bubblegum Not even a little bit Come on No, I've always deeply valued The lack of littering Okay, okay, okay, can do no wrong Yeah, right We've all littered just a little bit It's right accidentally littered Okay I've taken a wrapper off something And then

31:23No, and then I said it next to me And then the wind blows And it blows Oh, the wind blows But I can't get to it I can't get my burger right now I have chased things I've chased many a thing But at some point, it's like I mean, come on I tried Come on I really don't know When you first started driving There was never that moment of Like the opening door You kick out a little bit of trash And keep going No, the other day Something fell out of the car And I didn't want to bend over And pick it up I mean, I almost let it go But I was like, I can't do that That's a pee litter See, if you have that tendency You littered at some point You littered at some point Okay, at some point I probably littered I don't know It was probably an accident Yeah And then I let it go But I didn't I didn't the other day Something fell out of my car And I was like Mmm I can't get it When you accidentally littered that one time Did it feel kind of good? I don't remember

32:23Did it feel kind of good? No No I just want to know what it felt like for that kid Just pull that wrapper out of his pocket And just like He didn't He was an overhand toss It wasn't even like a It wasn't like a let go It wasn't like a let go A let go It was like a toss Yeah Which is a different level of littering And I'm like That's got to feel good No It was shocking I wouldn't do it Especially now But man To have that liberty To just What is that? That's got to feel free It It's got to feel You need to change your personality I'm not saying I'd do it I'm just saying that level of freedom That level of confidence that kid has You just throw it like that? Man What does it feel like to be that kid? Hmm Alright So To change an aspect of your personality Probably not all of them You have to identify it first You have to identify it And then it takes 12 to 20 weeks

33:25Depending on who you are To really just change that aspect I could change who I am before this baby is born You're good You're good And you're like See it firing off in your How could Jason change before this baby is born? I did not What if I was thinking? Someone I was thinking at all Do you ever think that the baby He hears us Through the womb right now Baby does hear us No, no, no And like Do you want us to change how Like we're speaking No No Okay Like am I too disagreeable right now We too sarcastic No Is she hearing about littering Or are we subliminally putting like Littering is good We're not talking about the freedom of that child No Okay Because babies don't know language yet, right? Yeah, but they know intention But they don't know the language So We'll see, we'll see

34:25I'm going to watch and see if she litters On her own I know we'll teach to it, but I just want to see Okay, we'll check back in a year and a half Yeah, all right So I think you changed How A major part of your I think you already know I think you already know And I think it is Which one was it? Which one has to do it like anxiety You just don't want to say it out loud Is it neuroticism? That's what you told me yesterday Yeah, okay Yeah Well again Okay, so here's the other thing too It's like it's so you don't just want to say Oh, that person is neurotic or whatever And it's just like that sounds worse than what this is saying That sounds pretty bad You changed, you purposely Out of these five, you purposefully identified something in your personality Happened to be in the neuroticism lane

35:25And you decided Tell me how I'm no longer neurotic Jason Well, you somehow defeated the level of The level of anxiety used to feel The level of anxiety, yeah Yeah And for me, it was an intentional choice Because some of my highest anxiety I was active And I was eating a very clean diet But still my anxiety was off the charts And finally I had to choose daily Like I am not going to worry about that I am not going to allow that to drive my thoughts Right I'm done Yeah Being a slave to that And you had to do that day in and day out for a while Yeah Until I got to a point where it's like Well, I'm not worried about it Right Do you still feel anxiety?

36:26I don't think you can completely just You know, inoculate yourself from You know, aspects of your personality that you're prone to I think there are ingrained tendencies Yeah But you can change your behavior in a way That it comes naturally to you Yes I do feel that I am naturally not an anxious person Right About some things Yeah But speaking to other anxious people I see like, wow, I was a lot more like that Yeah And I'm not now I don't even think about the worst case scenario a lot of times Right Right And I feel like though If you've gone down the road of one of these avenues To change aspects of your personality I think it would be The problem is it probably is really easy to fall back

37:27To what you used to be Even after these 12 or 12 You could easily go back in anxiety if you let yourself I think Oh yeah I don't think you can just These changes I think you can make for yourself But I think it is a choice Less so over time But if you let yourself But I think some of it also happens naturally Because when you get older And you realize Say for like extraverted When you realize that nothing Anybody ever thinks matters at all That's not what I was going to say That people aren't just constantly actively judging you Right Yeah Most people aren't thinking about you Yeah So then like as you just get older And come to that realization It's easier to be more extraverted Right Because it's like I don't care They don't care And I don't care Right Right Or say like

38:27A fear of death Or something As you get older You probably lose some of that Because you're like well I've lived my life I've lived life I have lost a lot of that fear Through my parents dying And more so My perspective in like the fear of death Has really shifted from My own personal fear of it Happening to me To my personal fear of What I leave behind And you know how How my children and my wife Are in my absence It's say something happens to me So that's more what happened to me over time And I do think that's more of a Just an age thing Yeah I don't know I feel like that was supposed to happen in my 50s or something But it happened in my 30s Okay but like conscientiousness I want to be more organized I'll even go through the process of trying to organize

39:28Right But I can't Keep it Because I just can't I have a strategy for you I have a strategy Because I don't care Well it's not a priority There's other things that you prioritize over that So here's the Like going outside Yes Like gardening Yeah And I don't have time to sit there and organize that A lot of people don't think they have time and they do Okay there's a But at some point you don't have time There are days like today I'm not gonna have time to do anything Because we're doing the podcast I got to edit the podcast The podcast got to come out tomorrow And we're doing a video and whatever So like Yeah today I won't One day this week We could certainly Yeah You know so like But will I I want to read the count of Monte Cristo Yeah So it's like I can

40:28But yeah So time You might not today But that shouldn't be the case every day If you get to a point where like Let's just say organizations the thing If you're wanting to be organized And you never have time You have a whole week and there's just like You don't have time Okay what about next week And you never have time And the next week You never have time Something's wrong If you never have time You're either You're either over committed Or you're Or Prioritizing what though I'll be honest here Not you, most people They're doom scrolling at night Yeah or watching Or watching TV Not you, you're perfect You don't even have friends that text you That's me, I have no excuse Nobody texts me It is sad It's sad that you don't ever have a notification

41:28You can leave your phone at home For 13 hours You're back and you have nothing It does hit me every now I didn't get a text all day That's a... No one reached out It's not a single person And then you were alone And you died, no one would know Thank you For that I... Yeah I'll text you daily if I'm not with you I think podcast listeners Would be more concerned about my death Than... People in your real life Than my friends People in my everyday life Except you, of course You would be concerned I'd be quite concerned A little concerned Who's gonna edit the podcast now? Sorry if Jason dies We have no podcast It would be terrible with just me So... I have to start doing the voice

42:29Let's hear it And... Changing personality Doesn't become more like me I can't even do it Yeah, that's good That was good Oh, come on Give me that kid a jerk for littering I could never Let's hear it He's a jerk No, that kid Is a jerk for littering Let's hear it Let's hear it Okay, okay I'm not gonna try to change your personality I'll just... I'll just try not to die You do need to change your personality We have to change our personality Messiness and organization We have to There has to be something that happens with this basket of socks Pear, all the socks that had pears Win Uh, they're at the bottom

43:29Jason, I was just digging... That's yours! That is your mug I did not put the basket of socks I didn't put it there You did It was buried in there really good That's an old tea I don't ever use the socks Yeah, I don't either So that means, oh you don't I use a different basket I use a basket where there are pears So... That might actually be the non-paired basket I don't really remember I did reduce it some by finding the pears Are there pears in there? No Yeah, those are the ones that don't have pears for That seems normal Yeah Everybody has one of those, right? Yeah, pears is just an entire basket Yeah But I seem to find socks a plenty So probably just don't eat those Awesome

44:29There is a... I don't know, there's a company You can send your used socks to And they'll stuff dog beds or something like that Oh, not sponsored We don't even know the company name Yeah, all right Here is the method For changing your personality Okay And on the surface of it, it's fake it till you make it Okay That's basically the idea But the thing is, the reason it... But the reason it feels fake Here's the thing, the reason it feels fake And this is according to somebody I read I don't know A sauer savala I'm not sure It's because when you're faking it till you make it When it comes to your personality things It feels Inauthentic Yeah, disingenuous Because You're not used to it You're not used to thinking that way

45:29It's just like getting bangs I feel kind of funny, I'm not a bang person But you just keep going with your bangs And one day You're a bang person, right? You just have bangs Yeah Exactly Someone who makes a style choice You go from Wearing sweatpants and a hoodie And you want to start dressing nicer So you start wearing dresses And it's like you aren't a dress person But you just have made a decision to become that way Yeah And the only way to really do it is to do it Right So I get it Sorry, I shall load that But like another good example of this Is like an introverted person The person in this article She was very introverted And she wanted to change that part about her She decided she wanted to do that And so she joined an improv class And it helped her become More extroverted

46:29But it took like It took her like two years That's a great exercise That is And I just thought of something Teaching this film class And we're in the process of filming our little Video that the students wrote So The main character He didn't even really want to be in it But somehow he got a sign in this role Because we needed Right Another person So he's sitting on a bed And all these historical figures appear Out of his history book The kids wrote this So like you would be very confused And we're telling him like Scrunch your eyebrows We're giving him like all the tips On how to look Confused and everything And he kind of seemed like he was struggling In acting It was very Just saying his lines He wasn't really

47:29Feeling it Right But the end And he screamed And then it cut So like Where I gave him an example And I'm like Yeah Because they're gonna cut So you have to hold it out So it seems realistic that it's cutting This is what the children wrote So We had to tell him like Hold your scream For five seconds Holding your fingers up He couldn't do it past three But It opened him up It opened him up Like yelling in front of a room of his peers The next take a different angle He was so much more dynamic His lines were better He was moving his eyebrows a little bit It was confidence And just yelling Like you have to make a full of yourself

48:29By going It made a world of a difference So now I feel like we should go in Next Monday And just tell all the kids Okay, yell We're just gonna yell Right, no I think it's a wonderful idea Yeah So that's a great exercise For someone who's younger Get in front of your peers And just like be a fool And You know I think as an adult For me that has helped And I'm not an extrovert But I'm not like So introverted I actually enjoy people But like fear of talking in front of people Going on our show Like just going out And doing it Really helped me And then over time I have realized that People's opinion Of my Or my

49:29Sounding silly Or dumb Or what a It absolutely doesn't matter at all Right If I sound stupid on stage Who cares Yeah They're not gonna think about it Past tomorrow I don't know I went to one speech And the girl sounded really Yeah and we still make fun of her Her message was just Yeah really poorly written And it wasn't that she wasn't capable She was actually a good speaker Yeah She just had a really dumb acronym And that's funny But you know what's funny What else is funny about that That makes us sound terrible by the way We're not critiquing anybody's speeches Whatever that's really not what we're doing But it's like this acronym was really funny Because it'll probably give away who it is But But what's really funny

50:29About that Is that I From my part of it You weren't even there I know I was But like from my part of it It's a joke between us I don't even know the person's name I don't know her name either You know that and again That's why it doesn't even matter I just know her acronym was crazy She's poor just like I could pick her out in a crowd Okay whatever I'm just saying It doesn't matter Yeah So like why do we Ascribe all these feelings These huge feelings To things that don't matter Like looking silly Or you know Somebody who's really great about That Is your mom I was just thinking that She has a character called Vesta Yeah where she puts in like

51:29Bubba teeth and like And she'll break it out in front of any crowd Any crowd And it fills her It's incredible And people love it People love it People love it I'm kind of embarrassed by it She somehow in her mind Has come to the conclusion Whether consciously or subconsciously That it doesn't matter In fact She probably has the opposite feeling And that it does matter That people need to laugh Right And it's just like I want to be that person I want to be the person Who could just Be free to do it And I've become more that person But sometimes It is a little like Is this the most appropriate time To do this Like Why are you doing this at a funeral, Kathy? We're kidding

52:29No, I love that she loves it And that people laugh But there have been times Where I've thought like Is anybody gonna think this is funny Is that not the thought of any Daughter with their parents though Thought that about my parents Like at any public thing You know Like my dad would even He would be preaching a sermon Or something and then I was talking to my son the other Man, look at start I get used in an illustration And I'm thinking Is this the appropriate time For you to ever talk about me You know, and it was so embarrassing And then I think about it now And it's like That is probably Completely But that's why we had We sent our kids out of The wellness collective because we told stories about them Yeah And we didn't want them to eat me

53:29Yeah I'll tell a story about my kids And I'm telling the truth And my eight year old will be like That's not what happened It's completely constipated So, you know There's a lot going into that Yeah And you were with the child Maybe Is that how that works? I don't know Anyway So there's also The maturity principle While people Is kind of what I said earlier While people generally become more conscientious And emotionally stable as they age Which is can be accelerated Through active efforts So, just naturally Some of these things fall into place I think naturally Younger people Are more afraid of what people think of them Yeah Other people aren't But if you're active about not caring And then just like putting yourself out there

54:29It just happens that much faster Yeah So really, it boils down to fake it How powerful than others Is that agreeableness then Being compassionate and cooperative Compassion is different than negativity Because I'm compassionate But I'm also fairly negative I still think it would fall under agreeableness Probably I think so But I just think it's weird that they have them grouped like that Because I am a compassionate person I care a lot about humanity And again, it's on a sliding scale Okay, but I am negative about things like we're negative about how a church uses tithes Or Negative about I don't know Many things And I speak for yourself I'm Mr. Positive Yeah But I used to be a positive person

55:29But I felt like a lot of times I was faking my positivity Continually But you didn't do it for long enough No, I did it for my entire life Faking it Oh, I see what you're saying And so then it's almost like a toxic positivity Okay But are you I think there's two different things Are you faking it To change your personality Or are you faking it to look like something you're not I think there's a difference In your motivation I think it depends on your motivation Are you trying to change who you are Or are you trying to Be better than someone Are you trying to That wasn't it for me It was mostly like If you're agreeable people like you So be agreeable Or Positive If you smile People have a warmer Yeah

56:29They're just warmer towards you If you're smiling Sure So I would just smile Just like Try and be a happy person And I feel That I still feel happiness And I don't know I think that's just weird Yeah Well, I mean it's I think it depends on your motivation And I think the motivation has to be I want to change this about myself And Where does salvation come in To this In like People have an experience With the Holy Spirit And there's immediate change Yeah They feel conviction And they turn away from their old ways And I think that And that's like And it is sort of a choice

57:29To continue in that change Sure That doesn't Give us the answer Well, that doesn't erase personality Trees I've met plenty of born again Christians Who are completely disagreeable people I've met plenty of them Who are neurotic Who aren't overly conscientious That you have Your personality traits That doesn't mean you're not a changed person And it doesn't mean That you don't have a new perspective on life And that you haven't been Changed in some certain way But it also doesn't mean That every aspect of your personality Isn't still there That's like saying Well, if a person Is born again He'll never sin again Not true And where does that come from Who you are on this earth An imperfect being And so I think the two things aren't

58:29You can even excuse yourself In saying Well, I'm just human I am just human Right When it comes to your personality traits Yeah, Orson Yes But what I'm saying is Just like well, I'm just human And remains as they are Is not actively That's not what we're talking about We're talking about someone who actively wants to change An aspect of their personality That person doesn't want to So Jason wants to actively make us Very neat people It would be nice Actively trying You are too I am trying But I'm doing it because You are more because You are very motivated I am To become Well, I'm just tired of it I'm tired of the messy I'm me too

59:29Yeah But it's so annoying It takes so much time The dishes No, we do the dishes every day The dishes are always done at the end of the day Okay, whatever Something away when you use it With a fake it till You make it aspect It's good to set goals Like align Your daily actions With long-term personality goals I think Just pick one of these things out That you want to try to For me right now It's I guess Conscientiousness Which that also play It's more about raising it to the right A little bit Conscientiousness is also Encompasses doing things well Well, we do things well There are certain things we do really well And then there are certain things that we don't That we aren't as conscientious about So it's more about moving that

1:00:29To the right a little bit more For me And that I identified that As being more organized Being Whether it's with my time And my uh Or my my house Whatever just being more organized in general I will say In reading Hanna Coulter By Wendell Berry And reading about this Like kind of simple old time life Which people just naturally Had a closer net community So I guess I shouldn't take this from that But I used to feel like I needed more of a social life Like I need multiple play dates I need to get out I need to do this I need to see Yeah But lately I've been more like No, I need to focus on what needs to be done at home first I can't sacrifice The needs of my home

1:01:29And my home running smoothly For the sake of Getting out Even if it wasn't like a play date It was like Well, it's such a beautiful day We should go We have to go take a picture We have to allow for that sometimes That's okay I know, but It could become the whole summer It does For me the whole spring It's just like Well, it's a beautiful day We can't just be in here doing this I want my home to run smoothly And I want to take pride in my home And feel Good about Like I'm a homemaker So if I'm failing on that front I might be like an excellent adventure mom Sure But I mean a slightly messy place That's not completely organized Is not failing No, but we were beyond slightly messy

1:02:29And yeah Yeah, we're I think every family should have a sock basket Yeah You gotta like have your corner Tucked Okay, but we have so many corners We're cleaning out the corners right now We're cleaning out the corners Most of the house is undecornered It's a roundhouse Kick to the face We just had some Company And everything downstairs is great The home-school room Is a home-school room So it is what it is I feel like it's gonna be that For a while But their kids wanted to come upstairs And our kids were like It's messy, you can't You're not allowed to go in there Jason, how did you Say it with the Lion King? I just thought that was so funny Oh, you must never go there, Simba Everything in the light You can go...

1:03:29That's beyond our borders So yeah, we gotta I do have a question Okay What kind of personality Doesn't leave a review That would fall under neuroticism Or neuroticism Emotionally unstable Just totally neurotic So here's a strategy That doesn't have reviews We don't know Then go to one that has them And just hit the five stars But sometimes you have to create an account And that's You know You probably already have one Don't know it First step And to change in that part of your personality Leave a review Five stars Let us know what you think You need to work on your agreeableness Yeah Anyway, thank you for listening

1:04:29To this week's episode Of the really very crunchy podcast With AirWave Media podcast network By the way Excited to be part of their team Yeah, yeah Alright, well, we'll see you next time Yep, have a good week Just be Just be Just be And it just be Just be Just be