Living Hope with Philip Miller - The Glory Breaking Through Your Broken Relationships

0:00See, in conflict, it's way too easy to produce the other person in our minds to the sum total of their failures. That way we can look down on that and write them off and justify ourselves. In other words, we start to live in self-justification. Welcome to Living Hope with Pastor Philip Miller. I'm Pastor Larry McCarthy and we're glad you're joining us today in our series in Philippians. Now, Pastor Philip, the Apostle Paul, he's talking about conflict. And for our listeners who are just joining us now, we're, we can oftentimes kind of rationalize and justify why I'm taking this attitude that I'm taking, but that's really contrary to the teachings that we're getting, isn't it? Yeah. So the context we've got, Yodia and Sintiki, these two ladies have gotten sideways and the Apostle Paul is writing saying, I need you to mend this relationship.

1:02And one of the things he's addressing is this self-justification posture. So when we're in conflict, what we tend to do is we tend to start to create a list of all the bad things the other person has done and why we are right to, to be mad at him. And we, so we start building a list, sort of villainize the other person and self-justify ourselves and say, well, what I did was okay because they hurt me or they started it or whatever, right? And the Apostle Paul is going to flip all of that on its, on its head. He's going to say, I want you to think about each other in categories that will transform the way you think about each other, instead of reducing them to the sum total of their failures and just sort of villainizing them, I want you to start to look for the glimpses of glory and godliness that are peeking through the cracks of their lives. I want you to focus on what's true and good and beautiful in their life. And that will help you see more clearly who they are in the complexity of their being.

2:04And that'll change how you engage with them in relationships. So this is really helpful stuff. And I think it will be really valuable for us today. Well, let's go now to the pulpit of the Moody Church as we explore how to find unity and Christ amid conflict. This is part three of the sermon, The Basics of Peace. Our text today is Philippians chapter four, verses one through nine. When my heart's desires get frustrated, I have a choice. I can bring forcibly my heart's desires to bear on others, insisting that I get what I want, which will lead to conflict, yes? Or I can bring my heart's desires before God, trusting Him with what I most deeply want to need, and relaxing in His care, which then leads to peace.

3:06It's a choice between running unrestrained as an anxious orphan through life, or resting tightly held as a peace-filled child in the arms of His Father. This is the choice. So the first key to peace is remembering our family. The second key is requesting of our Father. The third is refocusing our framework, refocusing our framework. Look at verse eight. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there's any excellence, if there's anything worthy of praise, think about these things. Now growing up, I always heard this verse in connection with music and movies, you know, to sort of watch what you put in the system. Garbage in, garbage out, right? This is how I heard this verse. And that's a good principle, but it's not what this verse is actually about. And remember, these verses are about peace-filled relationships within the family of God.

4:11So how do these verses connect? Well, when we're in conflict, we have a tendency to do something in our minds, which is villainized the other person. We tend to keep a list of all the things they've done wrong. They started it first, and I only did what I did because they did what they did, and what they did was worse, and they're not very trustworthy. In fact, they're a bad person, and here's all the reasons why, and they're always like that. Is this just my brain? That does this, no? In other words, we tend to think about the things that then justify our poor behavior to them, don't we? Maybe I did yell, but they deserved it. Maybe I got angry, but they started it. Oh, I may have hurt them, but it's nothing to the wound they inflicted on me. See, in conflict, it's way too easy to produce the other person in our minds to the sum

5:11total of their failures. That way we can look down on them, and write them off, and justify ourselves. In other words, we start to live in self-justification. Self-justification. We got self-absorption, self-reliance, now self-justification. This is a bad list, guys. Again, Paul is counteracting their sinful tendency to self-justification in these verses. He says, refocus your framework. Refocus your mental framework. Instead of reducing the other person to the sum total of their failures, I want you to look for the glimpses of Christ that you are visible in their life. Never's true. Whatever's honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, excellent, praiseworthy. You think about these things.

6:12You think about these things. I want you to look at them the way Christ looks at you. Because listen, we're all marble beings, aren't we? We have great beauty and brokenness all at the same time, marbled together. And Christ sees it all. You can focus on any part of it. What does he focus on? Christ does not reduce us to the sum total of our failures and dismiss us. No, he sees the potential of who we were created to be, who we are becoming in redemption, and who we will one day be conformed to be like in glory. He sees the glory breaking through. He looks at us and he sees what is true, and honorable, and just, and pure, and lovely, and commendable, and excellent, and praiseworthy. He sees us as sons and daughters of God. How very generous. How incredibly charitable. Geodia, I want you to extend the same generous charity to Sintiki.

7:20I want you to look for what is true, and honorable, just, pure, lovely, and commendable, excellent, and praiseworthy, and I want where you see the glorious image of God coming out of her life, and I want you to think about that. And Sintiki, I want you to extend the same generous charity to Eodia, whatever's true honorable, just, pure, and lovely, and commendable, and praiseworthy. Think about that. Focus on Christ in her, the hope of glory. And by the way, I'm modeling this for you all the way through. First nine, what you have learned and received and heard and seen in me practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you. Paul says, look, why do you think I opened this letter with thanksgiving to God for your partnership in the gospel, and you're a bounding love for one another? Why do you think I reminded you that your beloved brothers and sisters who my love and long for my joy and crown before I said any of this?

8:21Why do you think I reminded you of your co-laboring in the gospel, your name's written forever in the eternal book of life in Christ, Eodia and Sintiki? I'd refuse to reduce you to the sum total of your failures in this moment of conflict. I am fixing my heart and mind on the glories of Christ that are being formed in you. So now follow my lead. As I follow Christ, follow me, whatever you've learned or received or heard or seen in me, practice it, model yourself after what I'm doing, try on for size when I'm patterning for you, come and learn the way of Jesus, and the God of peace will be with you. You're not alone, because as you begin to see what God sees, and value what God values, and attend to what God is attending to in one another, you will begin to live in peace.

9:26With peace-filled thinking and peace-filled intentions toward one another, peace-filled wishes for each other, peace-filled tones as you speak, peace-filled actions as you interact. As you keep in step with the God of peace, you will learn to live in peace. And don't you see Paul is, again, he's counteracting their sinful tendencies towards self-justification. Refocus your framework, your mental map here. In Christ, we attend to God's good work in one another. In Christ, we attend to God's good work in one another. So here's the question, guys, and gals. Where do we see Christ in those who are driving us nuts?

10:30Where do you see Christ in those who are driving you nuts? In Jesus Christ, no one is a lost cause. Where do you see the glory of God leaking out of obnoxious people? Where do you see the good work of God on the job in people who actually hurt you from time to time? Christ is on the job. It's our job to pay attention to what he's doing, because he who began a good work in them will carry it onto completion at the day of Christ Jesus.

11:30So take away. Brothers and sisters, let us agree in the Lord. Let us agree in the Lord. Three quick questions, they're not on the screens here. But would you just write these down and think about this, pray about this? Let the Lord do work in your heart about this. I'm going to do this this week, too. It's going to be profoundly uncomfortable, I promise you. But it's worthwhile. First question, who do I need to apologize to? Who do I need to apologize to? Second question, who do I need to forgive? Who do I need to forgive?

12:33And third question, with whom do I need to make peace? Because remember, we're family, and in Christ, we're bound together as the forever family of God. And even in the midst of all this conflict, we can request of our Father, because in Christ, we're learning to entrust our hearts, desires to Him. And we can refocus our framework in Christ. We can learn to attend to God's good work in one another. The God of peace will be with you. He will be with me, so that's lean on Him. This is Living Hope with Pastor Philip Miller. I'm Pastor Larry McCarty, and we're glad you're joining us today.

13:36As we explore how to refocus our framework when we're in conflict, one thing that becomes really evident is that we can't be accountants of darkness. We just can't keep this ledger of what somebody has done and then throw it in their face. But you telling us that Paul here is asking us to refocus. Tell us a little more about that. So what happens, I think in conflict, we get hurt, and then we start making a list. As you reference, we start keeping a record of wrongs, which love doesn't do, right? But that's what we tend to do. We start saying, you always do this, and you did this last week. And then not only that, you did this other three things that bug me. And like, so what we do is we start building a list of all the things, all the ways they've wounded or hurt us or whatever, and we start in our mind by focusing so deliberately on the infractions and the wounds and the hurt and all the broken pieces,

14:38it becomes kind of like a caricature. You know, those drawings where the nose is out of proportion, the ears are too big or whatever. We create a caricature in our minds as we fixate on the most irritable features of a person's personality in the way they've treated us in relationship. In other words, we reduce them to the sum total of their failures. We villainize them, and that allows us then to dismiss them, mistreat them, be angry and vindictive and mean in response and things like that. And the apostle Paul comes along and he says, no, no, no, no, no. I want you to think about what's true and noble and right and pure and lovely and admirable and praiseworthy and like, you think about those things. In other words, the person you're in conflict with, if they are also part of the body of Christ, Christ is in them. The Holy Spirit's in dwelling them. There's glory breaking through the cracks of their life. And if you screen those out and you don't pay any attention

15:41at all that glory coming through, but just reduce them to the sum total of their failures, then you're not seeing the true picture. And so your mental focus is actually distorted who they really are. And who there really will be in glory and God's grace is the thing you're not paying attention to. So he says, I want you to mentally refocus. I want you to pay particular attention to the glorious grace of God in their life. The image of Christ is being born in their life. Whatever's true, noble, right, pure, all these things. You pay attention to those things as well. And what you're doing is you're actually truing the image. Instead of it to being distorted in the sum total of someone's failures, you're starting to see people the way God sees them, and all the potential glory and goodness and grace that's going to come bursting out of the shell. And if you could start to see that and love that, that godliness that's emerging, it may be junked up with all kinds of frustrating and irritable things.

16:43But if you can fall in love with the glory that's breaking through, now you're going to love the whole person. And that'll help you in conflict because now instead of just seeing the irritable things, I'm also seeing the glorious things that are breaking through. And that will change everything. Man, this will change your marriage. Because in marriage, we can reduce our spouses to the sum total of our failures and keep lists. But if we could see the glory breaking through, it changes it with our kids. Our kids are going to lash out and they're going to be mean. But if we just reduce them and say, you're always a jerk. You know what I mean? That's such a diminished picture of who they really are. And here's the reality. God is so charitable in the way that he looks at us. We're junked up with sin. But he sees the image of God in us that's not erased. He loved us and moved toward us. Send us son for us, died in her place and for her sake to forgive us of her sins. Put his Holy Spirit in us. I can't believe that.

17:44I'm a mess. And he put his Spirit in me. That's a mate. In other words, he sees the glory of who we will be as children of God standing in righteousness and holiness one day. And God's preoccupation with the glory is there so buried and so hidden. That's what keeps him inclined. That's why he's still on the job and he's pushing for that. He's going to bring it to fruition. And so in other words, Paul's saying, as you do this, as you attend to what's true and noble, right and pure and all this stuff, you're actually starting to see people the way God does. And that'll change how you engage in relational conflict as well. This is so practical for some of our listeners who are saying, you know, well, I've done that. I've been this accountant of darkness and you're right. I've been looking at this person from the sum of their failures. And I really need to get this straight. That kind of takes us to these three questions that you raised. So the first one being, if this is how I've been looking at this person,

18:46do I need to apologize? Yeah. Well, we all have people we need to apologize to, right? We have not loved and honored people as we ought to. We haven't loved the Lord of God with all our hearts so mind and strength that we haven't loved our neighbor as ourself. So we all have a lot of confession that we need to do. And so, but here's the beauty of it. The gospel helps us confess because the whole beauty of the gospel, right? The message is, you're not perfect. You have a lot of sin and it's a mess, but Jesus is enough. And the fact that Jesus is enough and He loved us sinful and broken means it's okay to take off the mask. It's okay to get real. It's okay to confess. That's actually healthy and good. And so the gospel gives us the resources to actually humble ourselves and to repent and to confess and to apologize and say, hey, I'm sorry. I did not honor the image of God in you. I did not honor Christ's work in you.

19:47Would you please forgive me? I'm sorry. As we think that through then, that just kind of naturally takes us to, I need to apologize, but then I also need to ask for forgiveness. Yeah, ask for forgiveness. And then we all need to be forgivers as well. We need to extend forgiveness. Who do I need to forgive? That's the next question. Who do I need to forgive? And forgiveness always requires paying the cost at some level. And again, this is where the gospel helps us because Jesus bore the cost to forgive us. We have been forgiven so much more than the forgiveness that we need to extend to other people. God forgives us like 10 times, 100 times, a million times what we need to forgive of others. And so having received so much forgiveness, now I can go and extend forgiveness to others. And so that's not easy, but it takes humble courage and it takes deep obedience. And God will be with us every step of the way.

20:50This is living hope with Pastor Philip Miller. We're talking about a refocused framework and conflict. Apologize, forgive. And now who do I need to make peace with? Yeah, boy, that's a hard question, isn't it, right? Who do I need to make peace with? I think it's helpful just to kind of do a little inventory. We all have a litany of relationships that of people we're just maybe not talking with or the water under the bridge. We have regrets, we have things we wish we could take back. And Paul's injunction in Romans is as far as it depends on you, live at peace with all people. And so that gives us a good balance, like not everything depends on us, right? This is a two way street reconciliation and peace doesn't happen unless two parties filled with Holy Spirit are meeting each other. So we don't control that whole arrangement, but we do own our half of that equation.

21:50And so we're responsible to live at peace so far as it depends on us. And so that means doing the forgiving, it means doing the apologizing, it means trying to take ownership of what I can do to foster peace and to build a bridge as far as it depends on me and then leave the rest in the Lord's hands. And so that's the inventory is to think back over all the things in my life, the people, the relationships, all the brokenness. And before the Lord say, what would you have me do? What would peace look like? And how do I make sure I'm doing my part and honor that before you? That's the question. And Amen. We never want to be educated beyond obedience. And so we want to encourage you even today. This is somebody you need to apologize to someone you need to forgive. Take a step, take a step of faith and you be that that ambassador of peace today. And we focus on Christ's work and others.

22:52We realize the ground is level at the cross. Dr. Peter Mead's book available to you for a donation of any amount right now is essential because it grounds us in the reality of our standing before God. You know, beloved, before Christ, we did surely die. Only by understanding that spiritual death and the complete new life offered in Christ can we overcome the need to justify ourselves. We no longer have to demand we were right because Christ makes us right before God. This book explores the profound difference between the old person and the person who is truly a new creation. It's a clear, helpful study for anyone looking to draw from the resources found in the gospel. The book ties together our story with the big story of Scripture through the lens of the work of the Holy Spirit. This book is truly a valuable tool, helping you remain grounded in your new identity

23:56in Christ. Being born from above gives us the power to forgive, to apologize, and to seek peace instead of demanding we were right. And now, for a limited time, we're offering the new birth for a donation of any amount. To request your copy, simply go to livinghopeoffer.com or call us at 1-800-215-5-0-0-1. That's livinghopeoffer.com-1-800-215-5-0-0-1. For you can write to us at Moody Church Media, 1635 North LaSalle Drive, Chicago, Illinois, 60614. Thanks for joining us for livinghope where you'll always find gospel truth for the journey of a lifetime. Livinghope is a production of Moody Church Media and is sponsored by The Moody Church.