Jack Benny - Opening of Bennymount Films

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1:00only to get flooded with candidates who are just fine. F**k. Fortunately, Zipper Cruder figured out how to fix all that. And right now, you can try Zipper Cruder for free at zippercruder.com slash zip. With Zipper Cruder, you can forget your frustrations, because we find the right people for your roles fast, which is our absolute favorite F-word. In fact, four out of five employers who post on Zipper Cruder get a quality candidate within the first day. Fantastic. So whether you need to hire four, 40, or 400 people, get ready to meet first rate talent. Just go to zippercruder.com slash zip to try Zipper Cruder for free. Don't forget that's zippercruder.com slash zip. Finally, that's zippercruder.com slash zip. In general, that will probably suggest lots of others to you. The first is very simple. Just a colorful dish of cherry jello topped off with whipped cream. Another idea is raspberry jello molded over

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3:03And Mary, did Paramon call yet? No, Jack. Well, as you'll all again, this is Scoop-Fenny, your Hollywood reporter coming to you by the way of all plants. With the latest news report to the courtesy of the Hollywood hammer, sees all and knocks everything. All the news that was overlooked by the Wellaparsons, Floyd pantages, and Jimmy Fistler. Of course, both time know the Wellaparsons, and I have no pantages. You know, Sidler, either. Quiet, Mary. Here it is. Let's go. Culver City, California. What's funny about Culver City? A during rehearsal of a fight scene, Clark Gable knocks out his firing partner. He is now ready to meet smelling any day, or garbo any evening. Liverpool England. And Hardy's freestyle, arrived by steamer and slides down Gangplan. There's no truth as a report that she

4:04clipped down the banner there. Los Angeles. Los Angeles, California. Men's forked gold here, strike new note in Wild Patterns. Several movie stars seen wearing science text. Move! A Beverly Hills, California. There's a rumor that Robert Taylor and Eleanor Paul are that way. They quarreled on Sunset Boulevard yesterday, and he went that way, and he went that way, man. Hollywood, California. Johnny Green, orcs leader, makes green fest and has tooth x-rayed all in one day. The tooth starts working at R.K. Oldham R. MGM, California. There's a $200 reward being offered for the return of a value of a gold watch, stolen from the director during the filming of crime doesn't pay. Oh, what time is it, Jess? Why? Pacific Ocean, California.

5:04Eddie Tander, famous star, and his wife, Ida, sailed for Honolulu for a little sun. No, I thought that was good. That wasn't good. Oh, Jack, I've got one. A thumb? No, a news item. Read it, Mary. Hollywood, California. There was no tooth to the report, but Jack Fanny is appearing still wearing his winter underwear. LAUGHTER Very good. Sam's Pedro, California. Pedro's Marquis Gang, romantic tiny film star, lives from the audience today. He is known as the Almanide Gable, and they say he's the nut. Oh, Mary? No, they didn't call yet. NBC Studios, Jack's Eddie Radio and Pixar, recently walked out of a paramount studio because his car was too small. His phone number is Oxford 7071, and he doesn't care whether they call him or not, especially during the day when he'll be at home.

6:06Home, home, on the phone, that I'm home. Lately, from Don Wilson, Radio and Officer, there's a favorite actress, a Joan Crawford. His favorite is this yellow, and his favorite month August. Well, that fits Joan's yellow and August. The right thing you want to say, Don? Oh, everybody knows the favorite. But if you insist, Jack, I'll not insist. I will repeat those six delicious words. Strawberry, raspberry, cherry, orange, lemon, and lime. Now, please don't bother me again. I won't, I won't. But he enists the ball, California. There's a rumor that Johnny Green in his orchestra will play ginger roger, Bruce Wong-Hit. I can't understand. Play talk, he boys, he takes the telephone range. Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. I was, I was, Johnny Green in his orchestra playing. And I can't understand, written by Ginger Ocas.

7:07Very good ginger, you listen to him? I was very good, died, I was great. Was it soft enough, Jack? Oh, sure. And Tom up in the podium? Well, maybe they did, and the wire was busy, you know. Anyway, they're bluffing, so with the game of bluff, I can play it too. They, after all, who can they get? When the pile is working, Montgomery is tied up with war. Hey, Gary Cooper can't play a violin. Neither can you. Anyway, Donnie, they're just waiting to hear from me. Mr. Gemser thinks I'm going to play the part of a stopper. He's crazy. He called me at night. No, he's not that crazy. It's stubborn, isn't he? Tyler Reddick here from 2311 Racing. Victory Lane? Yeah, it's even better with Chumba by my side. Race to ChumbaCasino.com. Let's Chumba. No purchase necessary, VTW Group. Boy, we're prohibited by law. CTNCs, 21 Plus, sponsored by Chumba Casino. Warning, the following Zippercruder radio spot you are about to hear is going to be filled with F words.

8:10When you're hiring, we at Zippercruder know you can feel frustrated for Lauren even. Like your efforts are futile. And you can spend a fortune trying to find fabulous people, only to get flooded with candidates who are just fine. Fuck. Fortunately, Zippercruder figured out how to fix all that. And right now, you can try Zippercruder for free at zippercruder.com slash zip. With Zippercruder, you can forget your frustrations because we find the right people for your roles fast, which is our absolute favorite F word. In fact, four out of five employers who post on Zippercruder get a quality candidate within the first day. Fantastic. So whether you need to hire four, 40, or 400 people, get ready to meet first rate talent. Just go to zippercruder.com slash zip to try Zippercruder for free. Don't forget that zippercruder.com slash zip. Finally, that zippercruder.com slash zip. Access to affordable credit helps me pay my employees that I don't really need it.

9:10Infliction is killing me. Who cares? Big retailers and making record profits. That's why we support the German Marshall credit card bill. See? Things in credit unions help small businesses make payroll. This bill would cut the vital resources they need. While increasing Megastore profits, they deserve it. Don't they? Tell Congress stop the German Marshall money grab for corporate megastores paid for by the Electronic Payments Coalition. Well, let's go ahead to the program. And tonight folks, I want to introduce as I get stars of the evening, the two fellows who wrote Love and Glue. And the last week's program that I put ourselves together, I think Paramount got you a little bit worried. Me worried? Don't let me laugh. I don't worry about anything. Hello, Jack. I'm sorry. I'm late. Where have you been, Jenny? Shopping. I got these cold passes, a swimming pool, and a parade. Most of them dollar days. And you know I got a yacht, too.

10:10Oh, a yacht, let's see it. It's in the swimming pool. When it comes out, let's see it. Oh, sure. Say, Jack, do Paramount call yet? No, Kenny. They know it. You've lived. I mean, I'm not going to take a small part like that. Me of Butler. I don't blame you, Jack. You're not worried, are you? No, down. I mean, Johnny. I mean, Kenny. You left me out. Pardon me, great, please. OK. Hey, Jack. Jack, are you really going through with that idea about having your own company? Why, certainly. Johnny's a penny-mount fill. You're a flopper. I am, A. Well, you wouldn't think so if you saw that envelope. I got from the Bank of America this morning. What was in it? A blotter. Oh, no. It was not. Oh, look, Jack. Look here. Here's a notice on the beach. I have to play for a variety of stuff. Phil Baker leaves New York for Hollywood to make a picture. Oh, him? Well, he's a night fellow. He deserves it. Wait a minute. Let me see that.

11:11Phil Baker coming to Hollywood to play the star in film. Oh, yeah? They marry. That's, uh, that shouldn't be a paramount, though. I don't think so, Jack. Stop worrying. Who's worried? I wonder if they, they shouldn't, uh, marry. Get paramount on the phone, quick. All right, Jack. Stop shaking. Shake it. Operator, get me down. OK. 2411. I mean, Hollywood, 2411. And I'm shaking. Mary, look, find out in the roundabout way. If Phil Baker is taking my place, don't tell a new jar. Leave a can in. Hello, Thomas. Uh, well, this is, uh, and I think it's coming, Jack. Hey, anybody. Tell us your name, Jack. All right. Hello. I'm seeing him to know if he's pleased. This is Mary, that's top.

12:15Mr. Oh, Mickey, say, have you time up a cell over the name of a- Oh, that's going roundabout way. I know, Jack. Why? Uh, hello. Have you signed up till Basin' around about way to take Jeff any flight? Oh, man. If you think you can see him like that, you've got another. Give me that phone, Mary. Hello, Mr. Wifeen. Uh, this is Laurence Tibbet speaking. Yes. On the road to Mammotha Lane. Where the fly is, Mr. Wifeen? Say, uh, Mr. Wifeen. Mr. Wifeen is, uh, is Bill Butler going to play the part of a Baker? I mean, is Bill Baker going to play the part of a Butler in the big broadcast?

13:19What's that? You think he may? Oh, well, that's fine. Have you seen him lately since he went off his diet? Yes, yes. I think he's very clever to hit you. Care for that type of work. Well, uh, Goodbye, Mr. Wifeen. Yes. Yes, thank you. Yes, I will. Goodbye. He sent his regards to you, Mary. He did. He's more nervous than I am. He thought I was Jack Bennings. So Baker is really coming out here. I think so. Say, there's room for all of us, you know. Well, don't worry about it, Laurence. Say, who's worrying? Let's go ahead with the program. And now, ladies and gentlemen, Burns and Alan, I mean, Kenny Baker will think, what are you going to think, Kenny? I'm going to sing a brand new number. The Johnny Green and I wrote, just called a, he is a thrill. Just that I mean, that's all he is a thrill.

14:19He is a thrill. Oh, it'll call you a Johnny Rover. Yeah. This must be opportunity night. Well, think, composer. How can he write a song when I'm so upset? That's youth for you. There's no third Johnny Green and his orchestra playing Robbins and Roses with Johnny as a piano. I'm company where Jack is making super colossal pictures until Paramount calls him up. Oh, Max? Yes, I'm still looking for a story. Send over all the authors you can.

15:19I don't care, mix them up. On this living world. Yes, Mr. Bennings. Somebody left a script on my death, call a janitor. Who was it? I don't know, everybody thinks they can write. Get the name of this grand hotel by Vicki Baum. Probably some schoolgirl. Say, Jack, I wrote a story that I think would be swell for you. You did, what's the name of it? Puppets of passions. Puppets of passions. Yeah. What are Puppets, Jack? Small dogs and don't bother me. I'm not making any animal pictures. Come in. Mr. Benny? Yes. I came to see you about a story, I've written. My name is Kenneth G. Baker. Oh, what's the G4? Hit the thrill. Well, I have a chair. So you've written a story, huh? Yes, it's called a message to Garcia. Hmm. A message to Garcia. He'd rather have a message from Gendler. Why?

16:19A message to Garcia. What part would I play in that? A telegraphed blank. Well, that's better than a butler. I like that idea though. What do you want for it? $50, okay. Oh, you must have cash. Absolutely. What do you laugh at, Mary? The message to Garcia is collect. I'm sorry, Mr. Baker, but I don't think I can use it. Good day. All right, be a butler. Why is, guy? I hope he tells us the paramount. Hey, Jack, I know who an author who lives in Pasadena. And he's got a swell story. You want to go up and see him? If he's got a story, let him come over here. He can't come over here. Why not? He's got a story, but no shoes. Well, if he's got gloves, let him walk on his hand. Come in. Oh, bonjour. Bonjour. Goodbye, Mr. Jacques Beniz.

17:19That is me. I am the writer and I have the story for you, but this is not music. So you're on my page? What is your name? Pierre. Oh, Pierre. He looks like an alligator. Maybe he's an alligator, Pierre. And I'll apologize for that one. Now, what's the name of your story? The message to Garcia. The message to Garcia. What do I play in that? The masseur. What? The masseur, Monsieur. No, I hate those duo roles. Mary, do you know what he's talking about? Monsieur. Now listen, Pierre, have I got a good part in this picture? We, we. How big is the part? Very we, we. That's what I was afraid of. Well, I don't want that story. Two we, we, for me. Good day, Pierre. All right. Come on. Get out of here.

18:24What do you think of that guy, Mary? What that lipstick off your cheeks. I don't know what we're going to do about a story. We've got to get into production. I need a story. Well, here's something that just came in. Read this, Jack. Hmm. Let's see. Store burns down. Needs money desperately. Everything gone. Why this is the silliest thing I've ever read. What is this? I'll let it from your father. Well, why didn't you tell me? Hello? This is Benny's office. Yes, I'll tell him. There's an office that I think you're Jack. He's waiting downstairs. Another one? What's his name? Chen Lewis of the, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, reference book. Come on to come up one at a time. Dickie Clarkson call him. And Lewis of this book, Peter, four sharks. If I can get that far, I'll go the whole way.

19:24Come in. You know, we'll spend the time at home. Hello! Hello! Mr. Salamaniana, stranger! Well, for yours and Lewis Obispo, Pedro Don Martinez Jr., eh? Well, call me Clem Fashot. Come here, Starclam! What for you, partner? And can't run a dinner, touch? Ha-ha! The feeling is beautiful, Valencia! Back to the mental, Galicia, no? Muzzles of cinema? So you're an author, eh? Ah, you've done something, my sensei cabalai? I am the greatest part of an old Mexico. I thought we left you in Brooklyn. Eh, don't get so technical!

20:28That was nearly through you. And what kind of story do you got from each lepo? Why, Jackie Boy, have I got a story for you? It's gigantic, but I kept it with so. Oh, it is, eh? What's the name of it? A message to Garfinkle. Like the bulls, I suppose, I play a boxer again. It's not going to happen to me. I'll wait a minute, Slapperman. I've gone through this before. I need a story with a sock in it. I know. There's no socks, no shoes. Well, I can't wait any longer. I've got to get started. I'll give you $10 for it. Oh, I saw it, but believe me, that's the lowest price I ever took for that story. Here you are. And the else is, you know, eh? Say, listen, if you leave any cleaning and fussing, call me out. Well, I can ask, then, look, I can't. Well, last, last, we've got a story. Where's my border director?

21:31Here I am, Jack. Listen, fellas, we're going through with this. At first, I was only bluffing, but now it's different. Will you stick with me? You bet! Do we need paramounts? You bet! Let's take off our clothes and get to work. Come on, you camelman, get going. Come on, you bastard! Hey, ma'am, let's have both white and white. Now a grand project, Jenny. Now a grand project, Jenny. Wait a minute, boys. A telegram, eh? Here, give it to me. Well, well, fellas, it's from Paramount. Paramount? And what did you say? Wait, Larry. Uh-huh. Ha-ha-ha, I thought so. Well, boys, the Betty Mount Film Company just pans right now. You can draw your paychecks in the home. What happened, Jack? Listen to this. Jack, Betty, Betty Mount Studio Hollywood. Please return to Paramount at once. Stop. We have added another line to your part. Find Lou Gensler. Hooray! Ha-ha-ha-ha!

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23:32Remember the name, yellow ice cream powder. This is the last number of the 38th program in the new yellow series. And we'll be back again next Sunday night for our last broadcast of this season. And as our guest of honor, we are going to have a big movie star on our program. Who's it going to be, Jack? Me. Good night, folks. Take these ourselves out. Oh!

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