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Jack Benny — Jack Benny - Jack Listens To The World Series. Machine-transcribed; use the interactive transcript above to jump the player to any line.
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The lucky strike program starring Jack Belly with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Rochester, Dennis Day, and yours truly Don Wilson. Ladies and gentlemen, last time I was in the car, I was in the car, and I was in the car, and I was in the car, and I was in the car, and I was in the car, and I was in the car, and I was in the car, and I was in the car, and last Sunday, Jack Belly started his 15th year in radio, all week long he's been receiving letters and telegrams and congratulations, and his friends and Hollywood have been constantly calling him. So now let's go out to Jack's home in Beverly Hills where we find him talking on the phone. Well, I... Well, I... Oh, it wasn't that good. What? Oh, ingrid. You're so kind and coming from you,
it's a great compliment. You know, ingrid prays is the lifeblood of an actor, so thanks for the transfusions. Well, thanks so much for calling. It was so sweet of you. By the way, ingrid, I hope I'm not being too presumptuous, but may I... may I take you to lunch Thursday? I may? Oh, no, no, ingrid. I won't forget. Goodbye. All right, jester. Yes, sir. Mark this down. Lunch Thursday with Ingrid Krausmeyer. Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! At one o'clock. Is that Krausmeyer, boss? Yes, she works at Republic. She's in charge of the saddles. LAUGHTER LAUGHTER Well, I certainly feel happy getting all these telephones.
Oh, there it goes again. Oh, well, that's the price of fame. Hello! Yes, this is Mr. Benny. Well, well, thank you. Thank you very much. Goodbye. Another one of my fans. You don't rush us or I appreciate people calling me up and telling me how good I was, but it can get a little annoying. You didn't have that trouble with the horn blows at midnight. LAUGHTER You can get all your water, Rochester, but that picture will go down in history. It sure will. That's the first thing for me to go ever walk out on. LAUGHTER With Romeo, he'll walk out on that picture because he doesn't understand English. His interpreter was leading him. LAUGHTER All right, all right. And Marlottorpe was right behind his right. LAUGHTER That's enough. I'm going into the library. Oh, John, it's sometimes I wonder if it's worth all of it. Hello! Yes, this is Mr. Benny.
What? I mailed that yesterday. LAUGHTER Oh, yeah, well, you can't disconnect it while I'm talking on it. What? You're up on the pole now? Well, put away those snippers and get down from there. I told you I mailed it. How do you like that? Rochester, do you know there was a man up on the telephone pole? You mean Sam? Oh, you know him? Sure, he goes up there first of everyone. LAUGHTER The Rochester, what time is it? It's about a quarter to eleven. The World Series will be on pretty soon. I want to hear it. I'll listen to it in the... Oh, there goes that phone again. You answered, Rochester. Tell him I'm not at home. Yes, sir. Hello! No, I'm sorry, but Mr. Benny's not at home. Who? Thank you, I'll tell you, Cole. Who are the Rochester? It was England, Berkman this time. What? Give me that pole. Hello? Hello? Hello? Not you and get down off that pole.
Hello? Hello? Rochester, why didn't you call me? You told me to say you're out. Just wait till you get a call. But what? You told me to say it. You should know if I'll talk to Krausmeyer, I'll talk to Berkman. LAUGHTER I'm going into the other room and listen to the World Series. And Rochester, early this morning, I put it in a long distance call in New York. So plug the phone in the library. Yes. Yeah, I wonder if St. Louis will win the... Well, I'll know pretty soon. I'll answer, Rochester. Take back your rumble. I, your sumble. Your canga. Hello, Jackson. Well, hello, Mary. Come on in. You're just in time. I'm going to listen to the World Series. The World Series, who's playing? Boston against Ingrid Berkman. I mean Boston at St. Louis. Come on in the library. Say, Jack, could you read the wonderful things the critics said about your opening program? Well, no, Mary, after all I've been on the air for 15 years. And I feel that when I have a show to do, I just go out and do the best I can.
And I don't concern myself with what the critics say. And why they got the reviews tasted on your glasses? Those are the lineups for today's game. You want to have them handy. Well, the game oughta be on for decent... Oh, Jack, before I forget it, I got a letter from Mama yesterday. Your mother? Well... What did the truckulent turtle of Plainfield have to say? She mentioned your first broadcast, and she liked it very much. She did? Your mother? That sweet little grey-haired old lady who fractured your father's skull like my father? Yeah, and she even took the bandages off so pop a good hearth. Wow, wow, that was nice. And Jack? What is it, Mary? Oh, Mama was so cute. She said she was preparing dinner when she listened to the radio while your program was on. She peeled four pounds of onions. Oh, fine, listening to me and peeling onions. Mama said she was laughing on the inside and crying on the outside.
Very, that's pretty good. You know, Mary, if your mother thought last week's show was something, wait a year, the one we got for this week. But, Jack, how do you get your scripts if your writers are still stranded on the gambling ship? I sit on the beach and they wigwag him. The scripts are over there on the table, Mary. You better take a look at them. Okay. Just brush the sand off. Let's see, I... I wonder what station the world series will be on. It should be a rock. Oh, for heaven's sake, Jack, I'm not gonna do this gag here. Where? I'm here on page three. It's too corny. Mary, that's a topical joke and we have to do that kind of stuff. I don't care if it is topical. I'm not gonna say that you have to go out with a girl in Brooklyn because you can't dodge her. Dodger, don't you get it, Mary? That's the Brooklyn Dodger. That's a baseball joke. Well, I'm not gonna do it. All right, all right. If you don't want the gag, I'll give it to Dennis. You'll be very happy with it. Dennis is happy if he looks at a mirror and he's there. Look, Mary, I don't wanna discuss this now. The game will be on pretty soon. I wanna listen to it. Okay. Say, wait a minute, Jack. What's that black crepe on your radio for?
Fred Allen comes back on the air today. He does what time? We light the candles at 5.30. Well, we still got a few minutes before the game. Let's get some music, anyway.
All right, all right. Well, now I'll try and get the ball game. What are we gonna pitch for St. Louis? on your glasses and sage. Oh, yes. Well, I have a little schedule, but then you're never content. Oh, there goes the phone again. Mary, it's been like this all week long. Congratulations, compliments. I've never seen anything like it. Hello? Yes, Mr. Betty. Well, thank you. Thank you very, very much. Good-bye. Who is it? There'll be a two-hour delay on my call to the yard. Well, don't let it go to your head.
They say that's everybody. Yeah, so the way she said it, I knew she liked my program. All right, mister. All right, do me a favor, will you please? Yes, please. Now, pick up these scripts and put them in my briefcase. I don't want to forget them when I go to the studio. Yes, sir. I'll put them right next to your Christmas card, sir. Good, good. Hey, Jack. And when I was looking through the script before, I didn't see a commercial. I know, Mary. And I don't know what to do about it. Don Wilson got me to hire that lousy quartet and put them under contract for eight weeks at $500 a week. For $500, all he did was, hmm, imagine four big jerks going, hmm, and one bigger jerk paying. Why don't you break your contract? I don't know how. Well, how did Warner Brothers do it to you? They didn't break my contract. They just burned down my dressing room. I'll ever forget to look on Jack Warner's face
when he found out I wasn't in it at the time. And when do you think they? No, there's a phone again. Hello. Yeah. Well, thank you. Thanks very much. And you also like me on Dennis Day's program? Well, that's awfully sweet. Goodbye. Who is that? Dennis. It's coming over here pretty soon. Well, it's almost time for the world series. I might as well try. Hey, Jack, look out the window. Here comes Don Wilson with that quartet. Oh, yes. I wonder what they want now. Come in. Hello, Jack. Hello, Mary. Hello, Dad. Hey, Jack, what do I brought with me? I know. I know. Hello, fellas. Hmm. What I mean, Don, I'm glad you brought the quartet over. I want to talk to you about him. What's wrong?
What's wrong? I'm not going to keep paying $500 a week. Jesse, here I'm going during a commercial. Well, Jack, at the end of our show last week, when you kicked me in the stomach, I suspected you weren't quite satisfied. You bet I wasn't satisfied. But I'm not going to pay $500 for a quartet for one note. And another Jack, Jack, calm down, calm down. I've got it all fixed up now. That's why I brought the boys over. Now, here's the way we're going to do our commercial today. Look, Dad, I don't want these guys. Just listen to this, Jack. Listen to it. I'm sure you'll like this. Yes, Jack. Give them a chance. All right, all right. Now, here's the way we'll do it. Get set, boys. Here we go. Yeah, let's have a family of kids. Wait on that, man. It's easy. Wait on that. What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? Never. Never seen. I mean, what kind of a commercial do you call that?
What's the matter with you guys? What? What? What's the matter with you guys? What? Look, Dad, listen to me. Will you, please? Will you please listen to me? Yes. Just once, look down. Can't you understand that isn't what I want? That's corny! $500. Why can't you get a better singer's out of Ellen's Island? Yes! What island? Ellen's. Ellen's. Ellen's. How can I get out of here? With the American Express Platinum card, I can unlock experiences like no other. Since I'm always booking my next trip, I'd love that I can earn points on travel. Plus, I get a Rezzy benefit, so you know I'm hitting the restaurants everyone's talking about. And you can find out your welcome offer after you apply, which could be as high as 175,000 points. For experiences like no other,
there's nothing like Platinum. Learn more at americanexpress.com slash Explore-platinum, terms apply. Searching and more time packing. Book your next day now with Herbo. Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! It was so nice to hear you tell me. Goodby! Now Watson the few things for one month when I've I only just I just only an hour delay now. That one the few things for one The man is that I'm gonna be stuck with this Kurt Deputy Precisely will always have.
And they sure I mean to say I know how to break their contrast jack put down those matches. Blackuffier! I can't help it just I bet. Oh boss, if you win the other world series Ell extraction pretty soon exactly. I'll start Jack. If you mind if we stand listen. Listen, I guess not done. Well, let's see. I think the game comes over station. Hello! That's the door, buzzer. Come in! Oh, hello, Dennis. Hello, everybody. Look, Jack, Dennis brought his father with him. Hmm. Imagine him coming here in his old greasy overall. How do you do, Mr. Day? That's my mother. She just came from work. Well, how do you do, Mr. Day? How do you do? Now, remember, mother, you promised you wouldn't hit him. Hit me. Yeah, there's something about you that brings out the beast in her. Now, Mrs. Day, I don't know what you have in mind.
But I'd like to talk to you some other time. Right now, I want to listen to you. You listen to me, first. All right, and put down that wrench. Now, what is it? Well, Mr. Benny, now that my dentist is a star on his own show, you must uphold his dignity by giving him more lines, more songs, his own dressing room. And at all times, he must be treated with the utmost respect. Yeah, utmost respect. Now, look, Mr. Day, how you listen to me? You can run Dennis' life if you want to. But you're not going to run mine. She, Mr. Benny, my father wouldn't dare talk to her like that. You're a father. For the weakling he must be. Where'd your mother ever get him anyway? Eastern Columbia, Broadway at night. She, they have everything. Now, Mrs. Day, look, I don't want to talk anymore about it and that's settled. All right, if that's the way you feel about it, come on, Dennis. We'll go home. Dennis stays right here. I want to hear the song he's going to do on my program. Very well, but I'm leaving.
I'll wait for you outside, Dennis. Go back! Hmm. Gee, she's a character, isn't she? I'll say she is. Now, go ahead, Dennis. I want to hear the song he's going to do. OK. I have trouble with everybody. Thank you. Oh, keep coming back like a song. A song that keeps saying Remember, a sweet use to be, not a lonely one being.
Becoming by, I can all remember thee. The perfume of wrongs is in me. Return to my room, in the empire of the path, Where forgot me, dear one, You keep coming back, like a star.
The perfume of wrongs is in me. The perfume of wrongs is in me. Well, that was very, very good, Dennis. By the way, you just recorded that number, didn't you? Yes, sir. Well, well, it's well. Now, we're going to listen to the World Series, kid. You want to stay? I'm going along. The character is waiting for me. Come on, Jack. The game must be starting about now. All right. I'll turn it on. Now let's see. And now a message from our sponsor, the Happy Home Sweet Home Real Estate Company. Friend, do you have a roof over your head, or have you been roughing it in the lab, braya talkage? Don't pay the exorbitant prices for houses that are being asked today by our competitors.
Don't go out blindly and be hooked by just anyone. Come to us. Remember, we are your friend. Jack. Hey, dear man, I want to hear this. Listen to this week's special offer. For only $67,000, you can get a beautiful california modernized style twan set up. You live on now? Jack, get the ball game. Okay. Get a queen car over in there to make a doll. She can must get nothing to share inside the way on your face. Every thing. No, no, John, don't please me. I beg you. I implore you. Please, John, I love you. I love you. Hey, this sounds interesting. John, if you don't longer care for me, think of the children. Think of William. Linda Milton, Jeanette Percy Ellen, Hilton, Steve Huff and Peggy Herry at Margaret Richie Dorothy
and Little Four-year-old Herbert R.L.D. Herbert is only four years old. Jack, the ball game. Oh, I thought she was giving the line up. He looked at my hand and told me, he will ever wear the waist of a cow. Why can't I get it? Think of it, ladies and gentlemen, a california balleray is now twan set up for all men. I wish I knew what station that ball game is. I know why I can't. No, no, John, don't leave me. All day long, I do the housework. Not to mention the mending for William, Linda Milton, Jeanette Percy Ellen, Milton, Steve. She thinks I want to wait for Herbert. She's crazy. I must find the ball. But I don't know where I am. I'm not a mother. I'm not a mother. It's because she's the way she takes the tambourine.
Oh, what's the matter? I can't seem to get it. Hi, Jackson. Hello, everybody. Phil, sit down, little man. I'm trying to get the ball game. Hey, Phil, you haven't forgotten our bad habit, have you? Of course not. How much is your bet, Jack? Well, it wasn't money. If he has St. Louis, I have Boston. And the winner gets to kiss Betty Gravel. What about the loser? He holds Harry James. Yeah. Well, if Jack wins, who's going to hold Betty Gravel? Don't be funny. Sit down, Phil. Maybe I can get the game now. No, I'm sorry, Jackson, but I can't say you see. I just dropped in to invite you to a little stag party. We're given for Frankie, my guitar player. He's getting married. Frankie's getting married? Sure. Well, who's he marrying, Phil? Well, that little girl who plays the harp in my band. She imagined Frankie getting married. I didn't even know they were serious. I know he went out with her one. Well, that's what did is when he brought her home. Her father was standing on the front porch with a clarinet. And Frank thought it was a shotgun.
Well, that's a logical mistake. Don't rush off, Phil. Sit down and listen to the game. With all your jokes, I've got to run along. I'll see you at the party. Okay, but I'll get there a little late. I'm on Charlie McCarty's program today. Okay, so long, everybody. Thank you, guys, Phil. So long, Phil. Give my regards to Alice. Alice, Alice, and Betty. Good work, Andy. Good work, Andy. Good work, Andy. Oh! Now, be quiet and we'll hear the game. Why? You're not going to be here. I'll be quiet and we'll hear the game. That's easy. You're not going to love me here. I'll be here. I'll be here. I'll be here. I'll be here. I'll be here. If you buy one of our lovely homes for $67,000, you'll have room for the whole family, including William Linda, Milton's, and Ed's, and Helen's, and Ed's, and Ed's. Come, John. John, what's come over you? You're not going to love me here. Come over you. You've changed so. You will never like this until we moved into this California Marjorade style quants it by.
It's nothing wrong with this radio. Hey, what's that? If here we are in the third inning of this very crucial first world series game. That's it. That's it. I got it. A bunch of holes over the crowd. The count is two and three, and here comes the pitch. It's a long drive-out to let's feel. William's is going back. He can't get it. It's a hit and greenburned on fire. Greenburn, that was last year's day. Yeah, ladies and gentlemen, greenburns on third. The bases are now loaded, and coming up to that is the Gypsy. The Gypsy? In the green tunnel. In the green tunnel. In the green tunnel. Oh, that's a long mix. I'll read a bottle of an o-fake.
Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to say a few words about the USO Fundraising Drive for 1947. The war is not yet over for 200,000 veterans still in our hospitals. To say nothing of the men sweating out their discharges that crooks overseas, the teenage soldiers away from home for the first time. The USO has served them well, and it has been a big responsibility, and it will be ahead for next year. Let's continue to support our veterans by giving generously to the USO through your community chest or your local USO campaign. Thank you. Thank you. Welcome back and just a moment for first.
Hello. Oh, my New York call? Yes, yes, I'm ready. Hello? Hello? Yes, this is Jack Benny. But what about my offer? No, no, no, I can't do it. I can't do it. $50 is all right. All right, $60. Okay, it's a deal. Goodbye. Jack, who is that? I just bought the Brooklyn doctor. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. This is NBC, the National Broadcasting Company.
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