It’s E-Mail Monday w/Dr. Ray!

0:00I need you to knock some sense into me. I'm sure you can. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. I enjoy listening to you. I don't always agree with everything. All right, enough of this purfs of flies. No, you want my question? I'm certainly not going to get myself in trouble by telling you what to do. That makes great sense. Gosh, that's good. Then I overwhelm you with words and wisdom. I've got seven kids. I feel like I could call you every day. Wait, wait, you're telling me I'm wrong? This could have been the end, Dr. Ray. You just need to tune in to Dr. Ray, honey. He's got all the answers. Am I right or am I right? Probably. Now, from the studios of Living Bread Radio Network in Canton, Ohio, the hometown of Mother Angelica, here's Dr. Ray. I see. Tell me more. I'm sensing a lot of frustration.

1:03What? We're on the air. Oh, when did that, I was doing show prep. Yeah, you know, when you got to prepare, I was warming up. I mean, you can't just start talking right off the bat. You'll tear a lip muscle. I had to warm up, loosen up, uh-huh. Go with that. I'm hearing what you're saying. That's one option. What might be another? So is that frustrating for you? Yeah, just practicing. Okay, but I don't have to do too much of that today because it's not a call-in program today. It is ePerson Monday, where I attempt to catch up on the backlog of ePerson's that come in from the TV show, Living Bread Radio Dr. Ray, and here on the radio show. Now, I know some of the folks that send their ePerson from the TV show are not even aware that there's a radio show, because I will say, can you call the radio show? I can ask some questions, and I talk a lot faster than I type. And they will say,

2:05what radio show? Because they're living somewhere where we have no affiliate. Tear Adele Fuego. Greenland. The Arctic Circle. So that said, and they asked for the number. I tell them the number. And sometimes they do call in, which is kind of neat. So we will- we will get to we, including you, as you are with me, as long as you- as long as you are, get to some of these momentarily. Somebody comes into my office, and they're- the reason that they're there is because they've had a panic attack. Panic attack is just a heavy, heavy, heavy surge of emotion. I was working at the West Care Mental Health Center as a consultant. I was doing other things, but one day a week I worked at West Care.

3:05I got a referral from the local court. A gentleman who was a PhD physicist, and I don't know his specialty type of physicist, a physicist. I think it was nuclear. I mean, this guy was- was way up there in research. He was Russian. And this was- this was before the Berlin Wall crashed. And he said to me, during the interview process, I'll tell you why he was referred in just a second. But he said to me that the Soviet Union is going to collapse. Now, at that time, the Soviet Union seemed like an impenetrable monolith. Wasn't going to go anywhere. It was inconceivable. And I said, why do you think that's so?

4:06He said because of the internet. Now, at that time, the internet was really not. I mean, it was gaining momentum. Becoming more common. Home computers were becoming more common. But it wasn't- it wasn't anything that was just pervasive like it is today. He said the Soviet Union will have a hard time keeping information out of the hands of people. Long they can control flow of information. They can control how people think and see things. He had gotten into some trouble with the court. Because he had gone through a local store and walked out without paying a bunch of stuff. And as I interviewed him, and he had had no troubles with the law whatsoever of any kind, none. And they wanted to know what's going on with this guy. Well, it turns out that he had been so immersed in his project

5:09that he hadn't slept for three days. He worked day and night on this high, high level project. He was obviously exhausted. And sleep deprivation can dramatically affect your functioning. It can make you hallucinate. It can ruin your judgment. It can fog you up so bad you don't know what you're doing. And he just walked out, walked right through the checkout counter and walked out with stuff, which I'm sure that he not been so asleep deprived he would paid for. So when I explained that to the court, that was my opinion of what was going on. As far as I know, they didn't follow up with any kind of conviction at all. But they just wanted to know this was, this was puzzling to them. Now, what's my point here? A similar dynamic occurs sometimes with a panic attack.

6:14If you're operating under a level of stress that's chronic, that's ongoing, for whatever the reason, maybe you're having troubles at work and it's playing on you and it's occupying your thinking time, family situations. And maybe you're a bit fatigued. You know, when you get under a lot of stress, you don't sleep too well either. So the kind of symbiotic relationship here feeds on each other. And it's almost like a low level of energy and then it peaks. It erupts, it spikes. And you have a panic attack. It's as though your body is saying enough, enough. I can't function like this. Now, in the case of my client, what he did was totally out of character. It wasn't a spiked panic attack. But it was something that he had been under a level of stress

7:17ongoing that spiked into this hard to explain kind of behavior. And in a way, that's one of the reasons, that's the only one for panic attacks. But that's one of the reasons why a panic attack can come out of nowhere. If I'll ask somebody in my office, what's going on in your life? And they'll describe a situation, circumstances that are relentless. They're worrying. Maybe their mother is seriously ill or she has dementia and they've been trying to take care of her and they're not sure what to do and it's keeping them awake at night and it's occupying all their thinking and they are just in a state of low level anxiety. Well, that state can spike and the body kicks off and it just erupts. All kinds of things happen and it's panic attack.

8:18They don't understand why that happened but it's relatively explainable. When you explore what had been going on for three days, five days, eight days, ten days in their lives, not unusual at all. I had a recent email come in where the wife said, my husband said under a lot of stress at work, he's been preoccupied with it. He's wondering what to do. He's unsure what his future holds. He's ruminating about it and then he had a panic attack. It scares him, obviously, but the one nice thing about panic attacks, one nice thing. They end. Every person who's come into my office who has had one or more panic attacks in the past, I have asked, are you having one now? Well, no.

9:18So it ended. Well, yeah. Now, in some cases, it ended because they fled the situation that they thought was breeding the panic attack. But in some cases, it just ended. And there's a reason for that. To put it very simply, your body runs out of juice. Epinephrine, Noradrenaline, Adrenaline, these chemicals that are involved in the stress reaction of the body to protect, to fight, to flee, to freeze, they run out. They're not endless. Here's a parallel that I'll draw. If somebody's sitting in my office and let's say that they've had a history of either panic attacks or they've had a first one and they're scared to death of it, I'll give them the celebration.

10:18Somebody bursts into the office, clearly agitated and threatening me and them. It's a former client and I'll recognize this person and the person will recognize me. And this person says all psychologists are flakes and frauds and just take people's money. And I'll usually tell my client, don't agree with him. Very threatening. Now, at that point, my client and perhaps me would have a panic attack. Of course, our bodies would react fear. Right away quick, trepidation right now. Why? Because the body goes into protective mode. I've got to get ready. I've got to get ready to do what I have to do. My pupils dilate, my breathing gets shallower, my muscles get the blood, my digestive system shuts down, all kinds of things happen. It's a cascade.

11:19It's a physiological orchestra of reactions in the body designed for our survivability. Those are things we have to have to protect ourselves. Then I'll ask them, would you have the panic attack an hour later? Well, I'd be scared. I don't know if it'd be as high as it was. I go, you're right, it wouldn't be a peak. You can't keep it at peak no matter what. You can still be scared and you can still be agitated. But the raw terror that you experienced is going to abate. I don't know why is that. The guy's still there and he's still threatening and he's still ranting and raven. Because the chemicals that are fueling it, they're not unlimited. And so you kind of tone down and a parallel can be drawn to panic attacks. These chemicals are not unlimited. If you realize that the panic attack in all likely is not going to hurt you,

12:21which the vast majority of the time it doesn't, those chemicals fade, it passes. It's when you think something is awful and terrible and horrible to me that's going on. I have an heart attack, I'm going to faint. I'm losing my mind. I better get to the emergency room. When you fuel the panic with panic about being panicked, that really surges that reaction. Just a brief panic primer there. When we come back, we're going to dive into your e-persons. The thoughts, opinions and semi-useful life nuggets offered on the doctor is in, may sound like bits of spontaneous insight. They are, however, the product of a group of very smart people, working behind the scenes to put answers on a radio teleprompter for each question received. Should the impromptu glitch? I will stammer, stumble and sound semi-literate in my responses. Hopefully, no one will notice.

13:30I am not comfortable with cycle babble. I can't go with that. So, don't let me hear where you're coming from. Okay, dear Dr. Ray, I'm a 79-year-old practicing cradle Catholic. I think she's saying that I take my faith seriously. I want to follow the church's teachings. I have a 76-year-old sister who also spoke, okay, all right, right away, I just read the whole email just now, and that's why this line has kind of poking me, who also practices her faith. Prior to COVID, she was my dearest friend. So, it's heartbreaking now that we have a relationship hanging by a thread. We always shared our faith, prayers and our love for Christ,

14:31but now it's as though she's always angry. I live two states away, so I seldom see this sister. Phone calls, which were frequent, entirely stopped because of COVID and because of my decision to remain unvaxed. All right, now see, you're starting to, you're starting to smell the sister who sees herself as a faithful practicing Catholic, looks at things differently than her sister does, and because of that, she's becoming intolerant, gets worse. As a hundred percent pro-life conservative, my other decision to vote the way that I did made matters worse. I'm someone who gladly agrees to agree to disagree, but it is not working.

15:35If this sister brings up political differences, I avoid responding or I change a subject. This morning, I shared photos of my little grandchildren with her without any mention of politics, yet I received the following response. Quote, I know you usually just ignore my comments, but the violations to our democracy and the horrendous acts and then she goes on to attack various government agencies are just sickening and children are in these prisons as well and she went on and on. Needless to say, my sister's opposition can cause both anxiety and discouragement. What should I say if anything? Perhaps I should only pray harder. Comment here because I responded to her, but the comment is

16:36what is it that certain people are so vulnerable to be shaped. It's what they watch, it's what they're fed. I came across yesterday I was listening to the radio and a guy was talking about a book that was written by a historian regarding the Holocaust. And he had a label which I thought was fascinating. How could so many people in the country either look the other way except the Holocaust? He called it Mentoside, the killing of the mind, Mentoside. That's happening in our culture very much. There are people who are so extremely angry. They view this as what they disagree with, what they don't see as a reason for certain types

17:43of conduct, policy is not something that has to be changed. It's more than that. It's just evil and anybody who even remotely looks at it that way is also evil. And I can only attribute this to just this shaping, shaping, shaping, shaping, shaping of the way to think. And if you don't sort through all the aspects, small example, when COVID first hit, my spidey senses were up all over the place. And I talked about the unintended consequences of the pandemic response. I didn't deny that the COVID virus was potentially serious, especially for older folks or people with pre-morbid conditions. But I said the way we're handling this or the sledgehammer is going to have

18:48unanticipated results. That's already happened. I mean, those kids are, according to tests are behind they've never gained some of the law and lost ground. The vaccine did not work as it was supposed to have worked. It didn't stop the spread of the virus. What stopped it is herd immunity. I remember the nastiness in the emails that I got. How dare you? You want people to die? It was wild. Toward the end of the pandemic approach maybe a year later, they had reversed. The emails were, you predicted some of this. You saw some of this coming. You raised red flags. Well, I still know people who, I've just recently heard somebody who will not let the person in their

19:51house because they're not vaccinated. When all the researchers come in that said, wait, that that isn't going to stop you from spreading it. It ain't going to stop you from getting it. All right, so here's what I said to her. In the email, wrote her back. It sounds like your sister doesn't want to have a relationship unless you have it on her terms. She sounds intolerant of you and unwilling to even put aside differences. At some point you may have to quit trying to get along with her and simply ask her, do you want to have a relationship or not? And if so, she needs to be a lot nicer. Dr. Ray. She wrote back. Oh boy. You're right, Dr. Ray, that this sister isn't exactly being nice. Nothing new to my family since she's often prickly. Okay, so she's already had a history

20:53of this. This just wasn't something you remember in the first email, we've always been so close. Well, wait a minute. It sounds like maybe you've been close because something didn't test the relationship. It would be so much easier to detach from her if it weren't for the fact that we were always so very close. See, I always am skeptical when somebody says, we were so close and now they don't really want much to do with me. Then I have to conclude you weren't really as close as your thought you were. Maybe it looked to be so because you avoided certain things. Then she says, there's so much detail to explain it would take pages. See, it's never, it's never so straightforward as, okay, we disagree politically and she doesn't want to talk to me. Her troubled marriage despite counseling, etc. These issues and she lists a whole bunch of historical issues along with COVID and

21:55her disdain for current political administration have only made things worse. I will add that her conservative adult son or daughter also struggle to have a relationship with her. You see what I mean? It's so she's writing off not just you, but she's writing off other people too. Because you don't think like she does. Which at the very core of being a quote-unquote practicing Catholic is how we treat others. With some kind of kindness and tolerance, you don't have to agree with it. You don't have to even like how they thank, but you don't mistreat them. Thank you for joining me here. Dr. Ray Grendy, this is E person Monday,

23:05where I do my best to maneuver through the many E persons we get on the program here. Hello, Dr. Ray. So my son and daughter-in-law have been married for four years. All right, I just read this on the break and I realized the math raises some questions. So my son and daughter-in-law have been married for four years and just recently she has decided to end the marriage. They have two boys, age six and age four. Now there's several possibilities here. Since no mention of split custody seems to be here, apparently they had the children before they got married and now they were married for four years or one of them is bringing children

24:05to the relationship. I don't know. The six-year-old is very old for his age and I think she means it as a compliment because she said, I would say he's very intelligent. Expresses himself very well. I wouldn't say he's emotional, but he lets you know his emotions. Oh, okay, there it is. I got it. My son has been separated from his wife since October and they share custody. Okay, there's where it is. All right, I don't know. It must be an informal agreement because they're not officially civilly divorced. Last night, the little guy was in his room and he had a picture of the family when they were all together and he was crying. My son asked what was wrong and he said he was sad.

25:08And that he didn't feel like a child anymore. I'm not sure how much my son should share with him about what is going on regarding if they'll get back together or if they will get divorced. Not sure how much to share with a six-year-old. Well, the general comment, and again, I can't obviously read mother's mind, but commonly the parent who divorces their attitude is the kids will be fine. Well, the reality is, surely they're not fine. They may navigate it and come out on the other side in one psychological piece. But there's a lot of bumps and hurts and pain and confusion along the way.

26:11And if you look at the research, divorce is bad for kids. In general, yeah, a lot of kids survive it. And if you're one of those parents who is a victim, your spouse has left you and you were forced to be a single parent or you were forced into some kind of custody arrangement or you were forced into a lifestyle that you didn't ask for. God bless you for your heroism and trying to make it work. And don't pull the plug thinking my kids are never going to be right. They could very well be. But as a general rule, what this little guy is feeling is not unusual. That said, his way of saying, I don't feel like a child anymore. You know, we big people, we hear something like that. And that strikes us. That strikes us as broadly psychological struggling. He didn't say, I'm sad. And I wish my family would get back together again. No, no,

27:14he took it, he took it into a different depth. I just don't feel like a child anymore. That was, I think that's his way of saying this isn't normal. I wish our family were together and I just don't feel like this is the way it should be when you're six years old. Okay, I can understand that. So I wouldn't, I wouldn't over interpret. I don't feel like a child anymore. What do you tell him? I think I'd ask him. What do you think is happening between mommy and daddy? Why do you think it's like this? I want to know what he understands. If he thinks it's partly his fault, I would do everything I can totally disavow him of that right away quick. He has nothing to do with this separation. If he says, I pray that we'll get back together again. I would say, yeah, I do too. If you do,

28:20if you do. But on the other hand, I would say, well, if we don't, we're going to, we're going to help you. We're going to help you do the best you can at your age. And I think I would point out that daddy's always going to be here for him. Daddy will always love him. Daddy will always have his back. Daddy's always going to take care of him. Point all that out and make him feel at least a little more secure in his world that has split apart. I understand that. It's tough on a little kid. Geez. I might ask him a little more about why he thinks that mommy and daddy are not living together right now. What would you like to see happen? I know what they'll say. And why never found me back together again? Yeah, hun. Now, but see, only dad knows if that's a possibility, you know, is mom just totally intent. No reservations, no qualifications of leaving

29:32this marriage. Then then he's going to somehow have to brace the little guy. Well, honey, I would like that too, but I'm not sure at this point that's going to happen. And we got to, we got each other and we got to make, we got to make the best that we can on this. I guess what you do is you give broad generalizations and you don't need to get into nitty gritty details. Well, you know, your mom is just not happy with our family. Your mom just seems to think that we can't make it and she just wants to do her own thing. Obviously, you're recognized. That's probably not going to be a good explanation for right now. You make him feel as secure as you can make him feel in his little six year old mind. And plus, you don't know what's going on when he goes and sees mom. You don't know what she says. You may want to play fair. She may not. And that's one of the great

30:39tragedies of a divorce. It's generally not all that amicable when it comes to raising the kids. It is far more uncommon than the parent that the parents agree and will openly communicate with each other and how to raise these kids the very best they can on the same page. This is Life News radio. I'm Chiamanderson. The U.S. Senate election in Texas is now a three-way race with two Republicans in a May primary runoff while Democrats have chosen James Talrico. He may have to run against his own words. Just after the Dobs decision, Talrico wrote to President Biden proposing the administration simply lease federal property to abortion clinics and higher abortionists as federal employees to make abortion immune from state laws. Since his nomination, he's been

31:44flaunting strained rhetoric hoping to make abortion politically palatable to Texas voters. Billboard giant Lamar advertising is refusing ad space to a large pro-life group Stanton healthcare wants to simply tell women that abortion pill reversal works. They are working with pro-life ACLJ attorneys to pursue all options to access this public media forum. This is Life News Radio. After facing the reality of abortion, the next thing to face is that there are millions of women, men also, with an abortion in their past, who need and deserve love. Yes, love and healing after an abortion. If you or someone you love is hurting after abortion, call 877 hope for me. 877 hope for me. Oregon legislators are consigning those who survive abortion to in faticide. They will be denied care given to other newborns. Meanwhile, Oregon's London report says

32:46state house action is providing millions to support abortion operator planned parenthood. In other states, Wyoming legislators are working on a heartbeat abortion bill. South Dakota is the latest to propose banning abortion pill trafficking and a Florida bill could provide tort relief in courts for loss of unborn life. For pro-life headlines delivered to your email address daily sign up at lifenews.com. This has been Life News Radio. You're younger than me, honey. No, I'm not. No way, Barbara. Hey, I'm not younger than anybody. Thank you so much for joining me here on The Doctor is in Monday through Friday, 1 o'clock Eastern time co-production of the EWTN Global Catholic Radio Network and Ave Maria radio communications who produces the show there in Ann Arbor with my producer man at the

33:48boards today. Every time I say that, I think basketball in Ann Arbor. I should have put this first because it slipped through the net. When somebody disagrees with me, whether it is on air or an e-person, they go to the front. I would think this is somebody who disagrees. Dr. A, you have been quick to dismiss the inner child. We had a call some weeks back or somebody was talking about a therapist. I think it was dealing with their daughter about her inner child and the caller wasn't real sure what inner child meant. I kind of said, well, I'm not real sure what it means to because it's a very broad umbrella term and I think it has to have particulars put to it or you don't know exactly what this inner child

34:51is thinking or is like or is hurt or is in pain and I essentially said it's it's a squishy term. All right, so that's where this is coming from. Dr. A, you've been quick to dismiss. I didn't dismiss it. You said it was hard to pin down. The inner child, please take a second look and discuss this on air. My inner child was hurt and sad, damaged by my parents' addictions, but she was also confident and defiant. I soothe her now with religion, virtue and by walking with God. I was only able to do that when I entered the church five years ago. I am sure my inner child is with me. I can see her. Now again, I would have many, many questions. What is this in your thinking and in your emotions

35:58that you are under the umbrella of the inner child? What exactly is this inner child? Is it leftover hurts? Is it leftover sadness? Is it feelings of betrayal? Where is the strength coming from of the inner child? Is it because now you are an adult and you're thinking differently about all this? My daughter is 15 years old now. But I know that someday her inner child will still be tugging at her sleeve to be sneaky and tell her it's because that's her dark side. Now we're getting into the inner child as it's shifted. The inner child is a dark side now. What does that mean? And what is the 15-year-old

36:59like now? You got to put what the shrink call an operational definition to this. What are the details? What is happening with the 15-year-old? Because she said, my daughter is well taken care of. I don't understand, does she take care of her daughters or daughters someplace else? What exactly is going on in her daughter's life? And that at some point in the future, the daughter is going to have emotional struggles because that's the inner child somehow asserting herself. Again, this is all to me very fuzzy, very confusing. Talk to us about our inner child, Dr. Ray. Doesn't yours want all the attention in the room and the most accolades you could get? Well, what if I said no? Would I be lying? Would my inner child

38:04be the honest one and my adult self being defensive? Wouldn't that fit your personality smiley face? If I would want all the attention in the room and the most accolades I can get, if that's saying that's immature, it is. If that's what I would want, that's immature. Not to mention, not real virtuous. Is that labeling an inner child then because it's immature? And my adult self should say, as a Christian, that's not what I should seek, but the inner child keeps crying to make itself heard and felt and has to be kind of sat in a mental time-out chair so that it doesn't seek that stuff? I mean, so I could kind of view that as just sort of self-centered. Part of my adulthood, if I'm going to do that, I suppose I could use the language of inner child.

39:04I could see that, and that'd be one way to characterize it, but I'm more inclined to say, well, if I'm doing that, that's part of my sin nature. And if you want to say that's my inner child, okay, but I think my adult child has got enough of that sin in himself too. So that's really what I was saying in all this, which is that's a language that is a descriptive type of assessment of one's inclinations or emotions or hurts or wounds or thoughts or whatever that might be, but you still got to put some particulars on it to deal with it. Dr. Ray? Thank you for joining me here, Dr. Ray Grandy, program doctor is in, very into the program,

40:13ePerson Monday. I am not a fan, and I know a lot of people of faith are of temperaments, the four temperaments. I definitely recognize that kids are all wired different. There's no question about that. It's powerful stuff, but I'm talking about describing the four temperaments, you know, choleric melancholic. So, why am I not? Because it's very, very, very difficult to capture who someone is by these broad umbrella terms. Let me give you a little illustration of this. It's one description here. People with a melancholy personality are introverted, logical, analytical, factual, private, conscientious, timid, and quality oriented. Holy macro, how are you going to define each of those terms? Some of them even seem to be almost counter-dictory.

41:18They will often have a serious, even concerned expression. They usually respond to others in a slow, cautious, and indirect manner. They are self-sacrificing, creative, and can be a perfectionist. They like to plan. The melancholy temperament has high standards to avoid mistakes. They are by nature not socially oriented, and need a reason to be with others. The melancholy likes privacy, and prefers only a few closer. This sounds like something you'd read in an astrological chart. Those are all just vague personality descriptions, and by their nature, personality descriptions avoid definition. He's an honest guy. What does that mean? Does that mean he tells you how he thinks? Does that mean he won't cheat on his tax return? Does that mean he'll never tell a lie? What does honest guy mean? It has so many aspects to it, and it depends so much upon who he's with. He might be honest with his best friend, but he's certainly not honest with his wife.

42:22So when you start stringing together these kinds of things, you're going to, you're just, yeah, sound psychological, doesn't it? I mean, you read and say, oh, yeah, oh, that's me, yeah, oh, I'm like that. Oh, okay, I can see that. Me, yeah, but they've done, they've done great studies on this, on how basically they can make anybody feel like they're being described a certain way. So let me, if I can, oh, man, I don't know, time I'll try to get this. We have seven children. Our second oldest is a girl 13. She has a strong, melancholic temperament. That's why I read all that, see? She aspires to be a full habituated sister, one of age, to an obsessive degree. She's a straight-a student. She spends most of her free time in her bed reading, studying, et cetera. Okay, so do you say to yourself, well, she, okay, so she's an introverted kind of kid. She likes to be by herself. Okay, and here comes a curve ball. When she has to come out, she's often unpleasant, scowling, difficult, and unhelpful

43:27with her smaller siblings. In other words, I don't want to do what I don't want to do. I'd rather just read and leave you people alone and you leave me alone. And if you make me come out and socialize, you're going to see an ugly side of me. I don't know how much that's melancholic other than could be just unpleasant. She seems to have no innate desire to help mom. Okay, all right, you don't have to have an innate desire, but you're going to. She will do the chores she has given, but dredgingly. All right, we'll do them. She often struggles to show joy, positivity, gratitude, empathy. How do we help her balance her temperament? Well, first of all, I wouldn't be so quick to say it's her temper. I'd probably say for whatever the reason this is a kid who by nature isn't all that positive. If you want to lay that melancholic, you can. You can say that, but there seems to be some characteristics here that wouldn't fit that description.

44:31So how do you balance it? Well, you recognize that if she has a certain inclination to withdraw or an inclination to keep her herself or an inclination not to want to do anything other than read and get straight A's, that's out of balance. Now, as a parent, you're going to probably have to set up opportunities to stretch outside herself. She's not going to like it, but at least you're going to expose her to it. She has chores and she's going to do them, but she doesn't begrudgingly. Well, you can't change your attitude as long as it's not disrespectful. You can't change your attitude. If her attitude is, I don't like doing this. I'll do it because you make me, but I don't like doing it. What are you going to do? You can't say you need to like it. You can say, well, you do have to do it. Now, she's only 13. So we don't really know how much of this is going to

45:32follow her into her 25th year. We have no idea. She may still always be kind of introverted, still always be like to read, still always be kind of quiet. All right. But at the same time, there are responsibilities in her family. And if you want to balance that out, you're going to have assert those responsibilities and she's going to have to cooperate. Perhaps she isn't allowed to stay in her room for four hours a night. She's allowed one hour. If she wants to reach, she reads at the table or she reads on the couch where other people are around. And if she feels that her siblings are a drain on her contentment, I guess she can feel that, but she's not going to mistreat him. Because you said she's scowling. She's surly, unpleasant, which has to manifest itself. If she's just unpleasant, but there's no nastiness to it,

46:34she's just clearly giving off vibes that I don't like being out of my room with you people. But there's no direct nasty defiance to it. You can't do a whole lot about it. You can't change necessarily her bent, but you can change how she expresses that bent. And I think that's how you balance it out. You show her that just because you prefer to do things this way, we're not simply going to allow cart blanche permission to do think, I like to speak French, to do things that way. You will have to come out of the room more. You will have to do more charge. You will have to treat your siblings nicer. You will have to help your mom with the whole making. Recognizing that when she's an adult, she may say, I don't want any part of this. All I want to do is run an apartment, be by myself,

47:39go to work and read. Okay. But right now, you're going to broaden out her temperament. You have seven kids. You're going to have wild diversity in those kids' personalities. And as a parent, you have to set up condition, you don't have to, but it's wise to set up conditions that probably take a kid, if you will, out of their comfort zone, with the other kids, you don't have to do this with. The other kids like being around the family. The other kids will do their chores and they'll be content about it. Well, she doesn't. Well, you have to make it happen then. So much of parenting is working within that child's bent personality style. Thanks for joining me here on the Doctors Inn. I appreciate it. Thanks, Andrew Grootcheck. Thanks to all of you and whatever temperament you are.

48:42Walk with God. For information on Dr. Ray's presentations, books and CDs, visit DRA.com and follow him on Facebook and Instagram. The Doctors Inn is a co-production of Avi Maria Radio and EWTN Radio and carried across the EWTN Global Catholic Radio Network.