EP 3643 The more you resist the truer it is

0:00Hey guys welcome to today's podcast, today's episode. The more you resist, the truer it probably is. So I had a conversation for a couple of hours with a really good friend of mine this morning helping them with something and we're so interesting as we were going through this conversation and we were getting very, so we sort of did two rounds of the same racetrack for one of better term. We were talking about a particular situation for them, we weren't getting in details and I got to a point where they were getting really frustrated and I said I don't even know you're wrong, that's not what it is but then we cracked it and they were like oh my god to the point is a female friend of mine who was quite emotional. It feels like holy shit I never saw that. That's a really challenging thing. We had this awesome chat and then as we kept talking we ended up going right back around the whole thing again. It was quite amazing. So we got back to the point of resistance and frustration and and then it cracked open again the second time and it was pretty fucking awesome actually and I was like holy shit. So it's amazing. It's a very deep-sea thing for this person. I was

1:05like holy shit look how you know deep-sea that isn't how anger that is into your belief that you know you don't deserve what you you shouldn't get what you deserve or you know there was a whole lot of stuff. Obviously I wouldn't say going to details for their own anonymity and privacy but I was just talking to them just thinking where it was so obvious to me because I wasn't emotionally charged or in it or it wasn't something that had any sort of emotional consequence for me. It was so obvious to me how easy it was to see what the very thing that was happening for them what it was. It was super simple and very clear but for them they just couldn't see it. To the point where they actually said I mean I'm really confused by this conversation. I don't know why we're talking about this stuff. It's really confusing me and it's starting to really piss me off and starting to get really frustrated. I said yeah it's cool I said I get it. So of course you're frustrated because you're subconscious that fight-of-flight monkey brain response won't you to stay safe and safety is not

2:07being vulnerable. It's not looking at this. What we're talking about is actually learning how to be more open and vulnerable with people so you can be more connected. In the your monkey brain is like fuck that. I don't want that because when I've done that before it hasn't turned out well and I've been hurt before and people let me down they were like oh Jesus that makes so much sense. So in the end at the end of the conversation was fantastic because they actually got to this really nice sort of understanding of that and it was something I really enjoyed and I was like well that that's why I love what I do and even though that was a friend of mine wasn't a client that's the sort of shit I do with my clients all the time. I said it was freaking awesome and then tomorrow I'm going to catch up with another former client of mine that wants to do some more coaching so we can have another catch up tomorrow and I know she again another woman who is amazing that I'll be talking about something and she'll be like well this is starting to annoy me so we're obviously on the right track and I go yeah absolutely. So the things that we resist and the things that we push back on the things that frustrate us. The things that make us

3:09angry when we're stuck into this no you're not listening to me this is bullshit you don't get it. When we're pushing back another people like that it's obvious it's often the very thing that we need to look at for ourselves and I just see all the time I definitely see it in me if I'm talking to someone about something and they start to annoy me and I'm starting to be like oh this person doesn't get it they're not listening whatever version of that I'm talking about then these days I'm very lucky to catch it and go oh fuck what is it here that I don't want to see because it becomes obvious to me that that is a very subconscious mechanism for me to shut down push the other person away argue with them you know pick a fight with them make them the bad guy because I don't want to listen to what they're saying because it's uncomfortable makes me look at something you mean that I'm not proud of or I don't want to change with that friend of mine this morning she was like holy shit thank you at the end of the title is beautiful she was like thank you so much for staying with me I

4:12know I fought you really hard and I'm like oh it's cool because I really want to help you a good person and it's something that I just find so fucking amazing that how we lock into those things for ourselves and make them hard and we can see it easily if we're willing to acknowledge the fact that when we're getting angry and frustrated with someone around those type of things it's probably because we don't want to hear what they say now we may not want to hear what they say because what they're saying is disrespectful or unfettered us definitely but also you have to be open to the possibility that it's just a very insidious subconscious way for you to stay stuck in the pattern or the program or the thing that doesn't work for you and equally the reason you don't see this because you get stuck in that pattern or program and it's something that can be so obvious to other people where you're like holy shit it's so obvious to me that X, Y, Z person is fighting me up tooth and nail all the way because I don't want to see it yet for you or for that person it you may not

5:14even have any idea you cannot see what's going on with it and when you can't see it in yourself you have to be able to rely on people that you trust to point it out for you and that's a difficult thing if you're not inherently wanting to trust people because you don't trust that they're pointing it out for you in the right way so it becomes as confusing as that little statement sounds where you're spinning around and around and around trying to work out who it is you want to be what you're trying to achieve what you're trying to do how do you put yourself in a place where you can be happy and have an amazing life whilst also understanding that there are people who unfortunately will tell you there for you but they're not and how do you work that out and it's advice that I gave this friend of mine this morning I said you have to develop that ability to listen to your instinct into it and listen to your heart block out the fear and the the part of your mind that's like don't trust anyone and just trust you know follow that gut feel I said when you tap into that gut feeling

6:15am I someone you can trust and she was like yeah definitely I said cool so if that's the case then look at what I'm telling you through the filter of I'm here to help you and that's how we sort of got there I said now if you gut feel was you couldn't trust me then you shouldn't listen to a fucking motor say and then that becomes confusing because why do you feel like you feel but if you want to start to develop the skill it's that skill of listening to your heart your instinct your intuition gut feel whatever you call it about the people around you be open and vulnerable to go people really care about me but then also watch what people do rather than what they say you will get some people who will be like oh I'm absolutely here for you we're best friends and other but they won't be people you can depend on so you also have to be very conscious of the fact that some people can be full of shit and all of those things can exist in parallel at the same time and that's why it gets so difficult and confusing that's why it's so important to put the time and effort in to being able to trust your own gut trust your feeling trust what comes up

7:17for you with someone so if you've got so many in front of you who seem so wonderful and lovely and they're beautiful and they're talking to you and they're saying all the right words and your guts like oh something's not right here trust that and if you've got somebody in front of you that you feel zagging with you and making your life difficult to do whatever and they're often people who are close to you that you love who know you well family parents partners whomever and if your guts like I know I can trust this person that your head's like fuck him let's fire him then you probably try to keep yourself safe from something that even though it might be uncomfortable it's probably really helpful for you all of that stuff can happen at the same time and all of that stuff is the stuff that is really important for you to be able to understand in your life and in your world and in your friendships and relationships that ability to trust your gut on who to you know let in and who not who to listen to and who not to all that stuff become so very important because invariably we can get into a place in our life where we want to trust

8:21people we want to let people and we want people to love us we want to be accepted by friendships or whatever but the very problem is if you don't trust properly then you can end up in a real difficult situation with this person I'm saying you know you want to meet someone who's amazing and beautiful in your life that you love to death that you can have a family with and do all these things and they're like yep and I said but if you can't trust me to be open and vulnerable how do you do that when you know you can trust me like oh good point and I said and then the problem is if you don't trust in your testing people and you're not open then you will get someone who actually isn't scary or concerned to you it'll be someone who doesn't look after you treat you well or love you because that feels safe and then long term that will be devastating and heartbreaking now like fuck well how do you so what do you do is trust your gut feel trust that instinct that intuition learn to listen to your heart not your head and it's not an easy thing to do

9:22because to determine which is which can be difficult that's the key though my friends hopefully you can get there talk to you tomorrow I hope you enjoyed this episode always remember if you want the result you have to do the work if you want to know more about how I can help you and my story go to that stronglifeproject.com