EP 3641 Do you complain about thorns or rejoice about roses?

0:00Hey guys, welcome to today's podcast, today's episode. Do you complain about thorns or a choice about roses? So there are some people in the world who if they were to get a beautiful bunch of roses they would complain because there was too many thorns. Those are the people whose glass is half empty, obviously. Those type of people unfortunately will always live a less than amazing life and have a less than amazing experience of life due to the fact that they're so freaking negative about everything. And I have seen that in people in my life, I've experienced it myself at different times and periods of my life where I've been negative and nowhere near as positive as I could have been. And it definitely feeds into this type of environment where I end up in a shit experience of my life. So for you, when you start looking at your own life, do you look at it and consider for yourself, what's my perspective or perception of my life? How do I actually see myself and see my life and see what I'm doing? So I put myself

1:00into the best place to be able to understand the benefits or the opportunities that come out of difficulties. For me, I have my ex partner who I went out with for a couple of years, who left a few months ago, went overseas. We're having a conversation yesterday and we're in this really great place. We're really good friends and it's still, you know, really enjoyable having her in my life in a very different way and a very platonic friendship type engagement. And we had a conversation about a couple of things yesterday that really helped me and heard just in general life things, not about her and I. And I was like, wow, how cool is that? That I've still got this amazing person in my life. Now, she's like, I'm gonna meet, she wanted kids, I don't want to have more kids because I'm too old. That was the essence of why we didn't stay together. Now, we managed to separate out of that relationship really amicably, really peacefully still with a lot of respect for each other, a lot of care for each other. It's actually really nice. And I'm like, wow,

2:04that can actually be the experience. Rather than me feeling really angry and frustrating, you know, it's totally unfair. I met this person that I've never felt so loved by or connected to and we can't stay together because of kids and blunt them like, instead of that, I look at and go, wow, what an awesome experience I hadn't hanged out with this person and just feeling very loved by her. Both of us learning a lot of amazing things about relationships, just this really positive experience because I'm looking at the roses, not the thorns. And instead of looking in my life these days at what doesn't work, oh, it's unfair, you know, she was amazing and of course it doesn't work out for me because nothing ever works out for me and life sucks and it's fucking so hard and everybody else gets things so much easier than I do. That would also be true. That story could absolutely be true if I wanted it to be. But even as I'm saying that, I feel sick, I go, oh, that just feels yuck because I don't want to have that experience in life. Experience in one in life is the experience of going, I love my life, everything in it's fucking worked out really well.

3:07Even the difficult painful things work out really well for me. Even the difficulty in the pain of that relationship ending, which was absolutely when I knew it would in advance. She was going overseas and ended up being a perfect time for us to actually separate. She stayed with me for a couple of days, well she stayed with me for a week before she went because she moved out of the place she was in. We had this freaking awesome experience together that actually put us into a place of such beautiful friendship and connection. She left my place, drove to the airport, we were on the phone. She was really upset so it was tough, but then a number of weeks later, months later where we're really very close and actually really good friends. We were talking last night about what the future for both of us looked like and it was fucking awesome. That's a beautiful thing, so we might not be together in a relationship, but I still have her in my life as a good friend. That's excellent. Now I wouldn't have thought that was possible a few years ago. I'd have been like, no, that's bullshit,

4:10you never be friends with your ex-partner, that doesn't work, blah blah. But this is such a unique position because there was no anger, there was no distrust, there was no conflict, we didn't separate because we had problems together as merely just a circumstance of different phase of life. I'm like, well that's cool, so of course we can be good friends. That just makes sense. Yet I think so many people would look at that situation for what isn't good about it. And as I've said often on this podcast recently, I feel like the perpetual silver lining glass our full guy, and it sounds a bit, you know, trite and bullshit, but it's so freaking true. These days as I've managed to really recalibrate the way I look at the world, have that particular activating system, the thing that identifies what 10% of thoughts and everything that subconsciously I process were kind of my mind by a new car, see that new car everywhere. As I'm focusing more on that, making sure that I'm putting myself in the best place, I'm looking at what works in my life and what's amazing for me, not what sucks. Jesus, my life is

5:13so much better. I just feel so much better. And it's funny how much stress that causes me for time to time where I'm like, oh, it's my life really that good and I make it up, my missing things because I'm so used to stress and difficulty and challenging my life. And when I'm in this real place of peace, it makes me uncomfortable. It's the best way to say it scares me, it doesn't scare me, makes me uncomfortable because I'm like, sure, I don't understand this. And then I literally would be looking around. And we had a conversation because it felt a bit flat. Yesterday, when I was talking to her, she was like, oh, then there's been a lot of work stuff like I've got. And your clients come on board through you speaking gigs in the last week, like there's heaps of awesome stuff happening in my business. And she was like, oh, I think you've hit an upper limit problem. They're everything's working out so well for you when you're freaking out, subconsciously. And I was like, oh, 100%. You're so right. And even, you know, having somebody knows me so well, I can straightaway go, that's what it is. I'm like, ah, perfect. What a great opportunity. What a great opportunity.

6:17Oh, well, there you go. There's, that's exactly what I'm feeling. So make sure you don't do all the things, train and sleep and blah, blah, blah, that I do really well. And go, wow, yeah, we've got to keep on keeping on that sort of mindset stuff, of course. So then, you know, wake up this morning, do all the stuff I want to do, get some good work done. And I'm feeling really positive. What this is freaking awesome. Whereas I could definitely go through a whole lot of things in my life and go, this sucks and that's not fair and this doesn't work and that doesn't work and this is but, you know, mum died four weeks ago. My eldest daughter, I haven't seen, she hasn't stayed in my place for a number of years. Like, there's a whole lot of stuff here in my partner who I really care about left and we ended our relationship. There's three pretty major things that most people would be in a whole lot of it. And I'm like, they were all really positive outcomes. Even my mum dying of cancer was horrible. But we had some great conversations and healed a lot of stuff and we're in a really good place when she passed away. You know, my younger daughter's coming to see me wear, neither of the girls wear for a

7:20period of time. So that's a really positive thing. Look, it's absolutely about perspective and perception. And unfortunately, my observation is most people focus on what doesn't work. Most people are looking for the problems. So you'll find more of what doesn't work and more problems. You'll find the roses, not the, sorry, you'll find the thorns, not the roses. And to me, I'm like, I want to be that person that, you know, sees beautiful, you know, bunch of roses and goes, wow, that's, they're awesome. Rather than, ah, fuck, look at all the thorns that's ruined these roses. Yeah, that's just this. Some people have the ability to just ruin everything in their life by fighting the negative. And it's, you know, I've seen it so often through my life with different people. And I just find it so challenging. I just cannot engage with those type of people. It literally just sucks the life without me, sucks the oxygen at the room. Well, you're talking to someone and they're like, oh, it's so hard and this sucks and blab blab, and this thing and that thing. And they've got all these evidence and

8:21all these things that have occurred in their life that just perpetuate to them the feeling and the understanding and the reason why their life sucks. And I'm looking at them thinking 95% of your problem is the way you look at your life. 95% of the problem is your perception that things don't work out for you. And the more you think they don't work out, the more they don't work out. It's pretty fucking simple, actually. So for you, okay, what's your opportunity for you to actually change that? Can you look at your life and go, hey, I've got some difficult things going on at the moment. There's some awesome opportunities in them for me to change and be better and grow and whatever. Or will you just constantly stay stuck in this life sucks? It's unfair. I'm unlucky. No one cares about me. You do you. Whatever you want to do is your choice, but I can tell you now when you focus on what doesn't work, you will find a shitload more of it. And it's just a horrible place to live. And it's where most people live. Have an epic day. Talk tomorrow. I hope you enjoyed this episode. Always remember, if you

9:25want the results, you have to do the work. If you want to know more about how I can help you and my story, go to thestronglifeproject.com