Crushes in relationships

0:00Want to know your thoughts? 6019-51017 having a crush on somebody? Doesn't necessarily mean the relationships do. Well, David Archaleta for this segment. What do you think, Allison? Do you think if you're in a monogamous relationship and you have a crush on somebody else, is that a bad sign for the relationship? I think it's a bad sign if you never have a crush. Really? While you're in a committed relationship. Yeah. Why? Because I think like it's, you're going to find people attractive in your waking life. So if you're not having that at all, I feel like that means you're going to suppress it. And anytime I try to suppress any feeling, it's blowing up on me. Like if I try to suppress anger, I'm going to freak out. And I think the same thing can happen there. So I think there are healthy ways to express that. There are healthy ways to have a crush. But like you can't be out here like a flirting with your crush, trying to pursue your crush while you're in a committed relationship.

1:02Well, that's what they say. The important distinction is what happens after the attraction starts. Researchers and therapists say simply noticing somebody is attractive or having a brief crush is relatively low risk when you're otherwise happy and committed. However, if you're unhappy at home and you start having crushes, that is where the trouble can start. Yeah, I can see that. And see, here's where I get myself in trouble. It's because I feel like if I'm in a relationship and I have a crush, I should be honest with my partner. Like, I kind of have a crush. Okay. But if the person I was dating were to be like, hey, baby, I have a crush, like I would be crushed. Okay, that's so interesting because that's what I wanted to ask. If you're in a happy relationship and you develop a crush on somebody, do you admit that to your spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend, partner, whatever? I think you have to be accountable. 6-0-1-995-1017. I would love to know what you think.

2:03So in this imaginary scenario, Allison, your boyfriend tells you, ah, I got a crush on Alice for more or whatever. Are you going to try to go above and beyond to be a better girlfriend than maybe you have been being? No. To make him happy at home. Hello. 6-0-1-995-1017. You're married. You're in a relationship and you have a crush. Are you admitting that crush? Yes or no? And tell us why. 6-0-1-995-1017 relationship experts seem to agree that crushes outside of your relationship are healthy as long as you're happy in your current monogamous relationship. What do you think about that, though? 6-0-1-995-1017. But then if you're unhappy and you find yourself constantly checking their social media or finding excuses to just bump into them, or maybe tell them about your problems in your relationship, those are all signs that things are getting bad.

3:03That's definitely crossing a line. So if you have a crush on somebody, do you tell your spouse? Yes or no? 6-0-1-995-1017. But Johnson has been all over it with all kinds of good stuff today on the show. Thank you, Johnson. She said, I feel like finding a person attractive is different from actively crushing on them because that does nothing. But can cause unnecessary and cheating, what if scenarios in your head that you're going to want to act on and it just goes downhill from there? So basically, look, just don't think about how much you like that person. But that's a really hard boundary to set up in your own mind. I feel like I don't know. I feel like I've had experiences where you're in a committed relationship and you develop that crush and you can hold yourself accountable because you are happy in your relationships. You tell them about it. I've met this person at work. I think they're kind of cute. And then obviously you don't go out of your way to make sure you're around that person

4:05at work. And then obviously you don't complain about your relationship to that person at work. And it's okay if your partner now is like, okay, well, what about this person at work? They just said you thought it was cute. Do you think that if somebody describes themselves as having a work spouse, that means they're crushing on that person? Because work wives and work husbands are a thing they have been for years. Does that mean there's a crush there between those two people? What do you think? I just don't like it. I don't think you should have a work wife or work husband. And I say that like we have a very weird dynamic where I feel like if someone were going to put that label, like if it was like, oh, you have a work wife, it would be me. But I don't want that. I'm not your work wife. That's weird. Like, you get out of here. Get out. Well, the first morning show that I worked on that they totally would describe themselves as works spouses. See, I don't like that. But there was definitely nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing happening.

5:09I just don't like those words. Like, I feel like you've lost the plot if you're using it. If you're like, well, but you're my work spouse, you'll get out.