Amos 'n' Andy - King Fish's Conscience

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1:01Jeff Alexander's Orchestra in Corris, and Radio's all-time favorites, Amos and Andy. It's 11 p.m. in the Stephen's household. Kingfish's wife sapphires about to retire. But the Kingfish is still setting in his easy chair in the living room reading his favorite mystery magazine. Then, as the moon disappeared behind the cloud, the curtain thwarted, and the harbour monsters stuck its inhuman face into the room and said, Oh, sapphires! I was reading the mystery story. Don't come in here to roam with your mud back on and do that to me. I'm in the swallow my seagull butcher. What's wrong with you? So you're reading that mystery trash again? Well, what's wrong with it? It's better than that mushy love magazine. You read all the time. Well, I'll tell you one thing, George Stevens. I don't got more romance out of a six-month subscription

2:03to that magazine than I don't got from you in 20 years. Well, you're always shooting your mothaw about something. Don't worry about me. And say, by the way, remind me to set the alarm clock for 7.30 in the morning. I got an important job doing tomorrow morning. Well, that's wonderful, George. What is it? I got to go down to the basement and rig up our electric wire so they don't go through the meter. How's going, man? George, why don't you stop doing things like that? All your life, you've just been trying to cheap and swindle people. Well, honey, when you were in a business and you were the business man, like I, as you got to cut a few corners now, isn't it? That ain't so. Look at my father. He was an honorable respected businessman for 22 years. And all that time, not one of his customers ever complained. Well, of course not. When you was an undertaker, your customers ate no position to complain. Well, George, I can see it's useless for me to talk to you. But someday all this cheating and conniving is going to catch up with you and you're going to have to answer to your conscience. Oh, good a bed, so far. And don't worry about my conscience. I got to understand it

3:07with my conscience. I don't bother it. And don't bother me. That's what you're doing. Well, I don't care what you're doing. I am going to bed. Good night. Self, I always pick an army, both something. Now, I should pick an army, but my conscience. Now, as one fellow whose conscience ain't never going to bother me. George, George Stevens, you're wrong. Who that? I'm George. I'm your conscience. My conscience? Uh-oh. Well, what is you doing here? George, it's time we had a little talk. You're a chiseler. You're a conniver. You're a schemer. Oh, me? Yes, that's why you can't sleep. And if you don't change your ways, I'm going to bother you from now on. Yeah, well, listen, I'll change. I promise you I will. You'd better. Now, remember, George, you can't fool your conscience. Oh, yeah, so I know you can't fool your conscience. Well, I'll change. All right, George. Good night. Good night.

4:08Oh, me, I really going to turn over a new leaf. Yeah, well, that was the story. Henry, I decided to make a big change in my life. I threw spending my days cheating people. Oh, you're going to start cheating them at night now, huh? No, no. Henry, I was on the level. I was reformed. You see, there's another voice down inside of me that's pointing out the right way. Oh, yes, yes. I've heard of that. It's what the psychpiatry first refers to as the Alderigloo. Yeah, that's it. Well, I don't need to do it myself right into being a new man. I know that. Well, it's very hard to believe all this, King Fish. Well, all right. I'm not sure yet. I look here. You see, these two shares of stock that I found in my desk, draw. Mm-hmm. Look, yeah, read on there, the East Alaska Canry stock. Yeah. Now, well, I bought this stuff three years ago and the outfit done folded up, but ain't no good. Now, what would the old King Fish have done with this stuff? Well, the answer to that is oblivious. You would have sold it to somebody like Andy.

5:09Yeah, that's right. Yeah, but I was a change man. Now, look at what I'm going to do with it. I was going to toss it right into trash basket. Well, well, you certainly sound sincere, King Fish. Congratulations on turnover and new leaf. Yeah, well, I've got to run along now. Well, I've got to go myself. I'll tell you, I've got an appointment with my custom tillers. Oh, is that so? Yes, yes. You know, I just can't wear machine-made clothes no more. Oh, you're getting a new suit in there? No, no, no. He's hamstitching the patch on the seat of my pants. Oh, come in, brother. Hi, King Fish. Hi. Say, I come over here to ask you advice on the financial matter. No, well, I'll tell you. And I just turned over new leaf. Wait a minute, wait a minute, King Fish. I've been reading the financial pages in the paper and the fellows all say that now is the time to buy common stocks. Yeah, I guess it is, Andy, but you see, I tell me this, King Fish, you know any good stocks I could buy. I just want to buy a few shares. I'll pay cash.

6:10Want to buy a few shares? We'll pay cash. And excuse me while I step into this closed closet, a minute, will you? Well, why is you going in that dark closed closet all by yourself? Hey, conscience. Conscience, where is you? Can you hear me? Listen, conscience, something just come up. Yeah, listen, conscience. There's a fellow out here that's really asking for it. Now, listen, if you don't answer me now, I'm going to do it. Come on, conscience, say something, will you? Say, well, no news is good news, yeah, I go. Oh, now brother, are you saying something about stock? Yeah, you know where I can buy some good common stock. Yeah, well, then, it so happens that I own two shares, a gilt-edged blue chip stock myself. No fool, where you got it at? Well, now, let me see, you know, I wonder if that's in my vault down at the bank, or could I give that to my broker for safe keeping up to this?

7:11He doesn't have trash bags, can't you? What is the thing, can't you? Well, there's the finest stock in the market today, and it's called the East Alaska Canary. Oh, this is going to be that biggest year, and how come? Well, because of the quantity of fishes they got up there, never anything like it in history. Now, you go up there, you stand on the banks of the Yukon, oh, what a sight. There's fish as far as the news can smell. Oh, you know, I would tell you, is the greatest salmon run in history. Yeah, well, I'll come to get some many salmon this year, all of a sudden. Well, good reason for it, indeed. This year, they're last in government legalized spawning. And, uh... I'll tell you, there are so many, there are so many salmon there. Well, some of them swims around for days, just looking for a factor that they too visit a cannibal. Well, that sounds good, things, eh? I only got $150 a span. How much is the stock? You got $150. And, eh, so what happens is that, uh, the shares are $75 a share. I got two shares. Now, I ain't much on arithmetic, you know, I sort of a dumb fella.

8:14Well, wait a minute, uh... Now, that's a coincidence, and it comes out to even $150. Yeah, okay, Kingfish. I'll get out the bank right now and get the money. Yeah, I'll go with you, Andy. Well, now, Kingfish, listen, just one thing. Is you sure that these stocks is all right? Oh, Andy, look here to show you how honest I am now. This time, I will personally guarantee you investment. Oh, then it's safe. Oh, yeah, oh, yeah. You will make a quick profit on this thing too. Oh, yeah, that sounds great, Kingfish. Now, uh, you know, this might be to begin in a whole new career for you, isn't it? You might end up as head of the whole fish industry. Just sink the head. Oh, yeah, that'll be a thrill, all right. When I walked down the street, I heard people saying, there goes Andy Brown, the big fishhead. Yeah. Oh, right in the shame to do wrong on Sunday. Even on Monday Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday, all day long.

9:17Ain't it a shame about that, Santa? Ain't it a shame about his ways? Ain't it a shame about that, Santa? He never gets on his knees to pray. Shaman, sorrow, pity, shaman, war, pity. Lord, he, Lord, he ain't in a pit, your fur is so. On Monday, Monday, you'll find him a rambling. Tuesday, Tuesday, his heart is fading. Wednesday, Wednesday, he's drinking and a gambling. Lord, he, Lord, he ain't in a shame. On Thursday, Thursday, Saturday, Saturday, Friday, Friday, he's losing ground. Saturday, he's lost God's favor. But Sunday, monthly, he's sad and boundless. Shaman, shame, shame, shame about that sinner. He's your man, his wicked way. He ought to bow with our teller's knees, might the ground. Ain't it a fire burning every time he went to bed? On Monday, Monday, he'd be through doubting.

10:19Tuesday, Tuesday, glory be. Wednesday, Wednesday, you'd find him shouting. Hallelujah, my soul is free. On Thursday, Thursday, his heart is on fire. Friday, Friday, he's on his way. Saturday, he's a Pilgrim traveler. Sunday morning, his soul is safe. On Monday, Tuesday, all day, Wednesday. He'd try old his gospel shoes. Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. He'd run, run, and spread the news. Tuesday, oh yeah, Tuesday, shame about you, sinner. On Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. Sunday, Saturday, and Sunday, all day long. Well, it looks like the Kingfish is up to his old tricks again. Friends, this is John Lake. You know why I've had a lot to say about wonderful new rinsal

11:22with sodium. There are a few words that sum it all up. Rinsal with sodium puts sunshine in your wash. And what that means is this. You can do a rinsal wash and then drive indoors or outdoors just as you please. No matter where it's dried, your rinsal wash will turn out more brilliant than anything you ever saw before sodium was discovered. Your white clothes will be not just whiter, but actually whiter than you. And your gay washable colors will turn out not just brighter, but brighter than brand new. Well, that's what I mean when I say new rinsal puts sunshine in your wash. New rinsal is safe for clothes and so kind to your hands. Rinsal is the only soap that contains a new scientific sunlight ingredient, sodium. And now, back to Amos Nandy. Rinsal.

12:26Well, shot at the barber. Come on in, you look worried. What's the matter? Take care, Chris. Don't you think I ought to move my shot to the use in the barber business forever? In your opinion, do you think I should, how can you, I will speak up, speak up? I don't know what you're talking about. No, then why did you bring up the subject? Let's drop it then. Say, say, King Chris, I just seen earlier. He said something about you selling him a cup of shares of candy stuff. Oh, yeah, well, a confidential under your head shorter to stock wasn't really no good. And I had a big battle with my conscience before I took his money, you see? Well, he was going down to the brokers office. He said that you told him he was going to make a quick twelfth of it on it. He was going down there, and now that he got his words. Hmm, the whole is smokes. If he goes down there, he'll find out that the candy ain't been in business for the past two years. He's going to be hollering for his money back. You see, I give him my personal guarantee that the stock was good. Well, look, if you don't really something happened to the candy that was out of your control, you might get out of it.

13:27And after all, under the law, not nobody is responsible for acts, acts of nature like her, cans, earthquakes, and catastrophes. Catastrophe like that, you know. Yeah, well, now that was a good idea. But beyond the sea of sight, I'll throw in a couple acts of nature. That's what I do. Oh, yeah. I'll think of some real catastrophes. You know, Charlotte. Charlotte, you, you, is really a lot smarter than you look. Oh, yeah. You know, you know, kids, we're speaking of catastrophes. My father never, he never gets tired of telling me of the great catastrophes. He experienced anxiety on October 7th, 1906. Oh, is that right? What happened then, Charlotte? Oh, it was the worst, it was a big earthquake. You can, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I was born. Here's golf legend, John Daily. Oh, yeah. These winds are pulling up faster than my divorces.

14:29I only spent on moto, America's social casino. You know, I've won a couple of majors. And on moto, I've won majors, grads, and epic jackpots on their classic Vegas slots with huge, huge bonus rounds. Moto Casino adds new games and awards players free coins every single day. Grip it and spin it on moto casino. Download the moto casino app today. Moto Casinos is a social casino. We're prohibited, but just as sorry, there's a Moto Doppi West for more details. Moto Casino, America's social casino. Oh, hello there, brother. Anda, come in. Hello, King Fridge, hi. Say, I was just going down to the broker's office to see what my stockers were. Well, anda, before you do that, I got some right here that might interest you. I just got a telegram here. Adjust the oil stock holders in the Easter Laskin Canry Corporation. I'm afraid it's bad news, my boy. No, me. What did the telegram say to us, fellas, and owners of Stock King Fridge? Well, I'll read it to you. It starts out here. Dear bag holder.

15:33I think that you and I say, here, we take pleasure in informing you that your company, the Easter Laskin Canry, is now extinct. Holy mackerel, King Fridge, when did the thing ex-stunk? Well, it happened just yesterday, no? Yeah. Well, I show glad my money's saved, because you remember you personally guaranteed my investment. Well, that's right, isn't it? I did, and that's what breaks my general's heart. You see, in this case, the one thing that nobody can be held legally responsible for is what has done happen. The calamity that wiped out the Canry was an unavoidable act of nature. Well, Tommy King Fridge, what has nature done, done? Well, then the sweet mother nature, who makes the little flower's bud, the mother nature, who makes the Babylon, Brooks Babel, and the soft breezes blow, is done turned around and kicked you right in the teeth. Well, what happened up there anyhow? Well, then, it's an accepted fact that the one thing you need to run a successful fish Canry is fish. Yeah, I'll go along with you there, all right.

16:34Yeah, well, after all, then, you can't can't, nothing can, if you can't find, nothing can, can you? No, I agree with all that, mess, but what happened to the fish? Yeah, well, like... You told me there was a zillion salmon in the waters up there. Well, then, uh, that's where we run into our first act of nature. The wheels add them up. The whale? Yeah, I tell you, and then, they swam through the streets of Majelton, and then went to them, they cut out and went to them, salmon like a school vacuum cleaner. All of them, whales, was guzzling the salmon into the mouth, and spouting the bones out to the top of the head. Oh, wait a minute, your King Fridge. Wait a minute. What are you talking about? Listen, they couldn't eat up all them salmon up there, it'd be impossible for them whales to eat up all them. Yeah, well, you're right, Ender, and right there's where Mother Nature kicked over heels again. It dreaded a lask and drought. Drought? Yeah, you see, it dried up all the water in the river, and, oh, I tell you, Ender, it was a pitiful sight to see the few remaining salmon crawling up that dry riverbed to spawn.

17:34Yeah, that must have been a sad mess, all right. Oh, of course, uh, it ain't worth mentioning them, but right after that Mother Nature tossed in 175 foot tidal wave, too, you know? No fool, and that'd done a lot of damage, too, huh? Oh, yeah, really wreaked havoc in that little town. Reaked up one side of the street and wreaked down there, then? Yes, come on, it was the biggest hunger wreaking to ever see it. Oh, you see, Ender, they have to give you now the complete picture of the catastrophe. You realize why I ain't responsible for you losing your money? Yeah, but look, King Fridge. I want to play. No, wait a minute, wait a minute. I am declared. That was the perfectly illegitimate deal that I made with you. My conscience is clear, Ender, I'll tell you. Well, that's all right. I didn't know about the catastrophes that happened up there. I'm sorry I brung it up. All right, well, I'll forgive you this time, but what you done said, but I don't want you to go out here now. I just don't count it as deal. I cast no excursions on myself, on my character. Uh, say, Ender, what is you looking so sad about, son?

18:36Oh, I done made a bad investment in the stock game, was I done lost $150. Oh, that's too bad, Ender. What stock did you buy? Oh, I bought two shares in the catastrophe. Two shares in the catastrophe. Well, I don't know what you mean, Ender. What happened? Well, the whole thing started when some whale had a vacuum cleaner and went through a school eskimo. What in the world is you talking about? Well, I don't think you'd understand it, Amos. It's all high-finance. You see, I wouldn't have lost a dime of Mother Nature hadn't gone up to the last gun on the cam cam. You know, Hande, it sounded me like the kingfish has been chiseled in this thing somewhere. Well, the kingfish told me the stock, but he told me his conscience is clear. Now, look, Ender, knowing the kingfish's conscience or no conscience, this is just another scheme of his. Now, if I was you, I'd do the smart thing this time. I'd get myself a good lawyer and sue him and get you money back. Yeah, that's just what I'm going to do. I might even get two lawyers and sue his conscience, too.

19:38Well, it seems like Ande is going to have some trouble getting his money back from the kingfish. You know, more women use Grinsel than any other wash day soap in the world. A letter I got the other day emphasized that fact so vividly, I thought I'd like to read it to you. Here, John Lake, it says, I'm an Australian war bride. When I arrived here, I tried all the wash day's soaps to find the one that would bring my wash to the whitest. I used Grinsel in Australia. Well, after trying all the wash day products here in America, I am convinced it's still Grinsel for me. I think if I travel the world, I couldn't find a better soap than Grinsel. Yours truly, Mrs. Rosalind Nushwanda, Albany, Oregon. Well, thank you for writing, Mrs. Nushwanda.

20:40That's a mighty nice letter. And you certainly can't do better than Grinsel. Grinsel is safe or close and so kind of hands. So, use Grinsel every wash day and see how Grinsel with solium puts sunshine in your wash. And now, back to Amos and Andy. Oh, excuse me, I didn't know you was on the phone. I've been with you in a minute, King Fishing. Talking to a client here, see. Hell, yeah, Joe, I got it. They caught you in the bank, taking the money, red handed. Yeah. Well, that's what I wanted to do. I wanted to go to the shop. I wanted to go to the shop. I wanted to go to the shop. I wanted to go to the shop. I wanted to go to the shop. I wanted to go to the shop. I wanted to go to the shop. Well, in my opinion, there's only one thing you can do. Follow the old Latin principle. Now, contend to hip-soul, facto, and potry-emptor. Okay, Joe, yeah, so long.

21:41What do that means, Stonewall? Get out of town. Well, now, uh, isn't just Stonewall. Like I told you over the phone, I don't tool in. It is a lousy stuff. Now, now, the stuff ain't no good, and Anne is going to take me to court and sue men. Now, is he used to think of what I can do? Well, Anne is sure to win the case. Uh-huh. Now, there's only one thing to do. Convince him that you had broke, and even if he did win the case, he couldn't collect a nickel from you. You know, I tell him that you were a pauper or something. Yeah, a pauper. Say, there's a good angle there, and that's what I'll do. You know, Stonewall, you was really a brilliant attorney. Oh, man, yeah. Well, look at the time. I made my portfolio there, so I got to get out here and get down to court. Uh-oh, you got a big case of court, Stonewall? Yeah, you see, a crime of mine is in trouble

22:42on the county's automobile. Here, what happened? His mother-in-law lived with him, and she ride with him a lot in his automobile, and him and her has been arguing for months about driving. Uh-huh. And they come to a climax, you stupid. When he was back in his car into the garage, see? And he got fed up and put her behind the wheel. Hey, well, uh, how could he get in trouble for putting his mother-in-law behind the wheel? It was the left rear one. Well, come in, brother, Ender. Hey, Kingfish. I just dropped in to tell you that I have started to sue against you tomorrow. I'm going to sue you to get back down $150. Well, brother, Ender, that is your privilege. It's just too bad that you were sueing me when my financials is null and void. What do you mean null and void? Well, Ender, I just come back from the city hall where I took to Ooth, which makes me a certified public pauper.

23:45And I was getting the constitutional right to Welchon-Horma just ditched. Wait, I ain't never heard nothing like this. Oh, suddenly, Ender, the day I took up my first pauper papers. Now, I'll read them to you here. I say, hey, how the human may concern. This is a certified at the bar right here and after I knew it was up the creek, Steven. Well, the genuine died into Woolpauper and he ain't got a button. This is typically the title of him to stand in any bread line in greater New York. This criticism is also extended to his wife, also guests except weekends and holidays. Oh, signed Sam Johnson of the State Highway Commission. Well, what do the highway commission I got to do with it now? You got charge of the rule to the poor house, Ender, Ender, Ender. Dave, please, as you're telling me that all you've got to do is take the oath and they give you these papers. Yeah, well, of course, I had to pay a license fee and the registration fee and a lot of other fees. Well, I tell you, Ender, if you ate a pauper when you go down there to register by the time you were the pauper, you was all popped out. I'll tell you that.

24:47Dave, please, you're meaning to tell me that all of this is legal. Sure, as Ender, the Mara gives him a government pauper's badge with the official insignia on it. Yeah. The American ego would one clause stretched out for a hendow to him. You may, if I try to get my hundred and fifty bucks back under the law, you ain't got to give it to me. Yeah, then the us pauper's is protected from all anger. Well, for instance, when we pass us on, we don't even have to fork out nothing then. We isn't titled a free space and pottery field. Well, that's nice of him. Yeah, of course, we don't get in with no classic crowd there. They just throws us in with a horrible looted, uh, you don't get no personal heads to him with your name on it neither. No. They just rise on to get rest in peace, you all. Yeah, well, I don't know. I, I guess, uh, I guess the laws, the law, they know point and soon you then.

25:48Boy, I really get to the breaks, don't I? Yeah, tough luck, Anna. What, uh, I'd like to have you be my guest in the breadline sometime. Yeah, well, thank you a lot. So long, King. Boy, as a happy man, that pauper still really worked, huh? Oh, George. George. Uh-oh. George, that wasn't a nice thing to do. Well, now, uh, Weederman, uh, I can explain everything. But you've broken your promise, haven't you? Uh, yeah, I was, uh, well, I tell you, conscience, uh, I ain't never going to do nothing like that again. That, that is my last time. That's no excuse, George. Yeah, well, you see, I was just kind of tapering off, you know how, too. George, I'm going to keep on bothering you as long as you try to cheat people. Yeah, well, now, don't bother me. No more conscience, please, don't. No, I won't. If you'll just give the money back to Anna. Okay, conscience. How'd do it? How'd do it? So Anna, like I was telling you, that popper stuff that I pulled on you,

26:54well, Andy O'Pell, I made that up, and I'm going to give you much check for the money you paid me for the stock. Here's much check for $150. Oh, thank you, Kingfish. Thank you. You were certainly a changed man, all right. Oh, that's all right. And I forget it, boy. Oh, well, I really appreciate this, Kingfish. Well, I'll see you later soon. Okay, Anna, so long. Well, now I can sit down and really relax. Yeah, I really feel good now. You just can't go along and take advantage of people in respect to get away with it. Yeah, your conscience will always bother you. George, I'm very happy. You're a changed man, and I'm going away, and I'll never bother you again. More, that's wonderful, wonderful. Thank you, conscience. You see, you can't fool your conscience, can you? Goodbye, George. Goodbye. Little does he know that that check I give Andy was no good.

28:05I say, Andy, I'll announce that that John Lake is the most cheerful man I ever saw. Yeah, well, he's got one of the best jobs he is. All they got to do is tell people about that wonderful rinsal, new rinsal with sodium. Well, it certainly is a pleasant thing to talk about, and to use. New rinsal gets white clothes wider than new, and washable colors even brighter than new. New rinsal with sodium puts sunshine in your wash. More women use rinsal than any other wash days open the world. Folks, that's quite a statement, and it's absolutely true. More women use rinsal than any other wash days open the world. And all of us here are mighty proud of that. So when you go to your grocer, ask for rinsal, won't you? Thank you. Good night. See you next Sunday, right after the Jack Bennishow.

29:06Right now, the United States of America is building the largest, best-trained, and best-technically-educated armed forces in its peacetime history. Today's service man is a skilled professional who works with advanced techniques and equipment in specialized fields. Men who are eligible are urged to volunteer for training in the Army, Navy, Air Force, Marine Corps, and Coast Guard of the United States armed forces. Be sure to be with us next Sunday at the same time when Leaver Brothers Company, the makers of new rinsal with Solium, will again present the Amos and Andy show. Until then, good night to all of you from all of us. Doctors have proved it. Lifeboy Health's soap with its purifying ingredient gets skin cleaners, stops BO as no other leading soap can. Yes, doctors compare daily baths with leading soaps proved you are cleaner, safer from BO with Lifeboy. Get Lifeboy right away.

30:06Be sure and listen to the Amos and Andy show at the same time next Sunday. Stay tuned in now for the adventures of Sam Spade, which follows immediately over many of these stations. This is CBS, where 99 million people gather every week to column the abroad casting system. Hi, Uncle Lazier here. America's built on fast cars, fast food, and even faster women. Photo casinos built in America. You know what they're fast out? Fastcast cries, redemption. You see the only motto is you have to own and operate. Moto. It's American made. Is that who we are? And that's who we care about. Play for free at motodotus. Photo casinos. The social casino boy grew up prohibited. No purchase necessary. Visit motodotus for more details. Must be 21 plus. I'll bet the social casino.