Amos 'n' Andy - Andy's Bequest

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1:00President Barack Obama. Virginia, we are counting on you. Republicans want to steal enough seats in Congress to raid the next election and wield unchecked power for two more years. But you can stop them by voting yes by April 21st. Help put our elections back on a level playing field and let voters decide not politicians vote yes by April 21st. Paid for by Virginians for fair elections. Hey, Mrs. Sunday again. Yes, Sunday is right. No, forget we are going to radio ever Sunday and if we're in so. Yeah, and here comes Ken Coppano now at the biggest news in Rincello's history. Let's listen to him. It's the biggest news ever. It's new 1950 Rincello with Solium a full year ahead of time. New 1950 Rincello has three times the wider washing action of any other soap. What more about that in a few minutes now? Leave everybody's company in new 1950 Rincello bring you the Amos and Andy show.

2:06Yes, sir. Leave everybody's company. The makers of Rincello brings your full half hour of entertainment with a little move and a degree in a distinct way that you will ask Jeff Alexander's orchestra and chorus and radio's all-time favorites. Amos and Andy. Well, this is the afternoon at the Kingfisher's wife, Seth, our attendants, the weekly meeting of our women's club. She just returned home and is telling the Kingfisher about it. Oh, George, we had the most wonderful meet men at club and had a very big turnout. All the girls showed up. Girls, what do you mean, girl? Them as a bunch of override bobby suckers. George, why do you always criticize my club? It's one of the oldest clubs in town. They've been going strong for years. I'll say it is. The only thing they could break that out for it up is the epidemic of Lockjaw. That's what they mean. By way, George, I heard today that Andy Brown just in here is a $2,000. Wait a minute. Andy and her are a $2,000. Why do you hear that? Holy smokes.

3:08That's right, George, or Andy has died and left it to him. So, it's why don't you go out in here at $2,000? Look on here. They are my fault that I don't hear at no money. I was ready and willing, but my relatives don't cooperate. They pass it on there. You're so poor that it takes the joy out of the whole thing. You need to say that Andy got $2,000. You know, this is one of the luckiest breaks I ever had. Now, wait a minute, George. Don't you try to just Andy out of that money. After all, he ain't too smart. Besides that, he's your best friend and he trusts you. Now, don't forget that, George. I'm going in the other room, but you'll remember what I said. So far as right. Andy is my best friend. And it trust me, too. Gipping him is going to be easier than I thought, yeah. Well, being fish, I guess you've heard the news about Andy and Harold in $2,000. No, yeah, that is. You know, the boy is very happy about his unexpected pitfall.

4:11Yeah, I guess with a hunk of money like that, all the vultures in town will be buzzing around him. Yes, and Kingfish Mara fact down at the pool hall this morning, there was laying eight to five that you don't wash the whole bunch of them. Well, I'm glad to hear the poor, still got confidence in me. Let me defy, huh? Yes, the only thing is there's a certain condition in the world that touch their minds down considerable. Hmm, much better, huh? Well, it seems that Andy's aunt that made this well 30 years ago, and she forgot to change it. The world states that the $2,000 must be used specifically for and these college education. Oh, it's more, and in college, you really threw a curve with that, didn't you? Even the sum of that Andy did want to go to college, I can't imagine any college ever taking him. No, he couldn't get in, yeah, he wouldn't be, uh, say, wait a minute, wait a minute. Give me, uh, my vulcan angle right there. That was the start of college of my own and get Andy in as a student. I could get the $2,000 in tuition.

5:12Yeah, that's right, it sounds like he got something there, Kingfish. Yeah, I'll give myself a college professor's cap and gown. Yeah, let's see what else can I get to make sure that Andy will enroll in my college. Wait a minute. Cool, yeah, that's it, get a gal. Yeah, that's the angle. And I think I know just a gal too. I'll have her drop by at just the right time while I show them the end of it. Yes, is she attractive? Oh, yeah, yeah, and I'll tell her to, uh, tell her to dress up classy too. I'll tell her to put on a new dress. Yeah, that's what I'll do. Well, I bet when this gal puts on a new dress, she'll really look like something. Yeah, well, I wish I could say the same thing about my wife, Clara. Putting the new dress on, Clara's like putting the slip covers on a knoll, sopper. No matter what she'll do, the lumpy shape is still there. Well, here's the Kingfish's office. I'll be about to get on in there and take a nap with him this afternoon. Yeah, come in, Andy. Well, Kingfish, I see you was already for sleeping.

6:12You got on your black nightgown there. No, no, no, Andy, this isn't the genuine college cabin gown. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, I guess I didn't see them before. Say, I'll come to campus so flat on the top. Well, it's got to be Andy. You see most college professors have flat heads and so designed to fit them kind of snug, you see, right? Well, what is you wearing this stuff for? You ain't no college professor. Yeah, well, that's why you're wrong. Andy, uh, you ain't here. I got my license from the board of education this morning to open full-fled college. I was also entitled to enroll male female co-head. Go genuine, I have you on all four walls and pressure football players and your mother. I'm in the college business with both feet in there. Yeah, man. I understand right that you was on the college here. Oh, yeah, yeah, but I can't talk to you now. I'm not too busy here. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, I was enrolled in students for the fall. See us, sir. Well, you know, Kingfish, now this is a funny thing. I was thinking about going to college myself. Sure enough? Oh, sure. It just all happens. I just inherited the big hunk of money. You don't mean to tell me. I had no idea that you inherited $2,000 from your rich hand, Andy.

7:18Sure, but the catch in the will is that I've got to use the money for a college education. Say, tell me, Kingfish, what kind of subjects you teach here? Oh, anything you want. Andy, uh, uh, uh, spell in the electronics, solids, geometry, flabby geometry, oh. The only thing that bothers me is that you're taking students like me. You know, after all, I haven't had too much education. I had to leave school when I was 17. Oh, you did, huh? Yeah, that was the age limit for the third grade. Well, don't worry about your education, Andy. I'll make an exception to your kids and rule you as you is. Yeah, but Kingfish, I don't know, maybe I'll have to look around and see what other colleges there. Yeah, well, all right. That's the way you feel about it, sir. Well, probably another student, uh, come in. Uh, how do you do, Professor Stevens? I just come over to, uh, in rule. Well, Kingfish, I'll be running a lot of... Hell no. I'm just going, all right. This is Mr. Simpson. Yeah, how you do?

8:19Uh, tell me, Mr. Simpson, is you figuring out going to college here? Well, uh, yes, I am, but I had quite an argument with my mother about it. She want me to go to Finishing School. Finishing School? Don't look like there's much work left to do on you. Mr. Val, you sound like a kind of man my mother won't be about and boy, I'm not glad to meet you. Hey, Mr. Val, you're wonderful. I have the dog, all right? Well, hey, if you bad, Janine, rollin' in my school, uh, if I can miss now, don't a great curriculum, yeah? Well, when, if I tell you, Kingfish, uh, you know what this education stuff is, begin to look mighty good to me, uh, go ahead, sign me up. Well, I gotta be running along now. I'm due back at the dance hole. I mean, I have zashes in 20 minutes. You know Mr. Brown, I'm still lookin' forward to going to college and sittin' next to Hanson, intelligence, dashin', gentlemen.

9:20Yeah, well, I tell you what you do. If you get a chance, ditch him and meet me in the cloakroom. Yeah. Well, hey, look like you and her will be matriculating together, all right? Kingfish, if that's what goes on with higher education, I'm gonna hit a new altitude right there. Yeah. And I guess everything, uh, so I'll set them. Now, your college education causes that for $2,000, huh? Oh, a mere spittin'. Yeah. Well, I'm goin' down to see the lawyer and tell him I rolled up in the college and I'm comin' down for the money. Yeah, you know when a college is gonna be a great thing for you, son? Yeah, and I might learn somethin' too. Oh, you mean to say that I don't get the money, Mr. Philip? Not on this basis, Brown. Since you've called, I thoroughly checked around and there's no such college as the one you described. Oh, no, Mr. it's a real college. I was there and I don't talk to the fellow that runs it. Well, I'm sorry, there's no record of it at all. And before you get this $2,000, you've got to comply with the terms of your

10:21aunt's will and become enrolled in a legitimate college. Well, that sure comes as a blow to me. I was only sorry that I can't enroll in at George Stevens College. Because today, I am at the most beautiful student body I don't ever see. Oh, give me a song to sing, a happy song to sing. Fornicious, fornicious. Something's the world's favorite private product. And so do I. And so do I. Something's good to be a male in college. To blind and smile. To blind and smile. To the right. I love you, friend, but time is singing. From happy songs. From happy songs. To sad, the air with huge clouds, the ringing.

11:23It's for the Lord. It's for the Lord. Listen, listen, music's on the phone. Listen, listen, listen, listen. Music's on the phone. Fornicious, fornicious. Fornicious, fornicious. Music everywhere. Fornicious, fornicious. Up above my head. I get music in there. I get music in there. Up above my head. Up above my head. I get music in there. I get music in there. Up above my head. I get music in there. I get music in there. I really do. Big cities can be the best of heaven. So where is the music on the phone? Listen, listen, music's on the phone. Fornicious, fornicious. Up above my head. Up above my head. Up above my head. Up above my head. Up above my head.

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14:28Vote yes by April 21st. Paid for by Virginians for fair elections. This is Mike Boilow of Lexicon Valley. And I'm Bob Garfield. Are you one of those people who sometimes uses words? Do you communicate or acquire information with, you know, language? Hey, us too. So join us on Lexicon Valley to true over the history, culture and many mysteries of English plus some ice cracks. Find us on one of those apps where people listen to podcasts. And now, back to Amos and Andy. Well, there was thanks for driving me over here to lawyer Stonewall's office. I got to meet the Kingfish. Yeah, well, I was glad to do it in there. And I hope Stonewall has got some low angle for you.

15:29If you were to self-grade getting $2,000, not being able to use it. Yeah, well, I almost had the money. But the lawyer wouldn't let me go to the Kingfish's college. All right. You say it wouldn't let you go to the Kingfish's college? Yeah. Kingfish was all set. I was going to take a course over there in electronics. He got all equipment about breaking up the atom and everything. Do you mean to say that he got the great big machine that matches the atom? Well, that ain't come yet. I guess for the first few weeks, he's going to put him up with an axe. Now, think the whole mess down a little craze in me, is you trying to tell me that the Kingfish's got a credited university? Well, there was no credit to it. He wanted the money in that advance. What's all about, then? Well, anyway, the Kingfish is going to give up the whole college idea, so he can help me get the money from the will. Oh, he don't give up the college now, huh? Yeah. Wait a minute. We're going to come to Kingfish down the street now. Yeah, well, I got to get going, and I don't want to get messed up in this thing so long, son. See you later, Amazon. Oh, hello, Dan. Let's get right on up the Stonewall's law office, though. Yeah, I hope we can figure out somewhere getting that money without me going to college. Yeah, now, don't forget that agreement we don't sign anyway.

16:31You give me half of the $2,000 if I help you get the money. Yeah, well, that's a deal. Let's go on in and see if Stonewall got the idea, huh? Well, hello, Dan, how's it going wrong? All right, let's go. Come on in. No. Yes, you're busy, Stonewall. No, no, that's pretty nice. But you know what? I felt it was just in there trying to bribe me. You offered me 50 dollars to resign from a kid. Imagine that? 50 dollars of resign from a kid, sir. Oh, yes, he knew that with me on the case, he couldn't even have a chance. Yeah, yeah, well, who do you represent in the case, Stonewall? The fellow would offer me the 50 dollars, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Now look, Stonewall, look, I have Stonewall to telephone you. Did you figure out, anyway, getting around that will so Andy can get the $2,000 without going to college? Well, one of the legal angles on getting around a wheel is if the times of the thing is harmful to the beneficiaries. What did you mean to got due to the beneficiaries? Well, you see, I had kids once where I felt I had to live in Alaska to inherit some money. I proved that the coal climate would be harmful to his health

17:35so they gave him the money without him going there. No, harmful, I don't know. I wonder where any way of proving that college is harmful to me. Well, if some psychiatrist say it would hurt you mentally, you might have a case. Yeah, but well, you won't get a side-card though. What side-card would ever say, oh, uh, I know I can be a side-card, you know. Yeah, that's just what we'll do in a look here. I'll be the side-card. Yeah, that's right, look here. Oh, that's a great idea you give us, Stonewall. You know, it's a prize in how straight you can think with a crooked mind. Oh, man, yeah. Now, Andy, before we go into the lawyer's office here, remember that I is the great side-card. Remember everything we've done rehearsing here. I know, OK, Kingfish, let's go in. Oh, come in, Mr. Brown. How you do, Mr. Phillips, and permit me to introduce Dr. Sigmund von Stevens, the big psychiatrist and brain surgeon? Oh, yeah.

18:35How you do, sir, excuse me, Robert Gloves, I've been up all night operating. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And just what is the reason for your visit, Dr.? Well, Mr. Brown, yeah, it happens to be a patient of mine, and he informed me to do it in terms of some will of some, of course, I don't understand much about them thing. You know, well, anyway, he said he got to go to college. Yeah, that's quite correct. What about it? Well, it's my preferential opinion as a genuine doctor that, if Brown years, who's to go to college, and you ain't even thinking his brain is going to pop like a fire-send balloon. I, as in bad shape, all right. Well, Dr. von Stevens, what do you base this diagnosis on? Well, on the fact that he is suffering from an acute undevelopment of the brain. I made a discovery when I examined him this morning. What kind of an examination? Well, I stood him up, and I looked through his lab here. And I, all I could see was some blue and white stripe. Good heaven. What was that? The wall, people on the other side of the room. Oh, man. You mean to tell me that there is an open passage

19:37from one of his ears to the other? How's it is? Oh, yeah. On windy days, my head whistles like a pickle. Oh, man. Well, this is the strangest thing I've ever heard of. Dr., what are you going to do about this? Well, the only thing I can do is to put a little screen in each ear to keep the flies. It's very temperate. Oh, predict your history I've ever heard. Yeah, well, I admit Mr. Brown's kiss isn't unusual, but there is a perfectly illogical explanation for it. You see, in the average, man, the passage between the ears, it's filled up with a normal-sized brain. Mr. Brown, you on the other hand, has a undeveloped brain. Yeah, ain't no bigger than a ping-pong ball. And you mean to say that going to college would be harmful? Well, I can only give you my psychopathic opinion, that's all that. Oh, look at, for example, just take a man that ain't exercised all his life. He can't start all of a sudden without hurting himself. Same thing with Mr. Brown's brain. Yeah, but after not using it all these years, he started doing some heavy thinking now. He can end up with a cerebral chalet horse. That's what I'm going to do.

20:40A cerebral chalet horse. Yeah, that was hard to queue at, too. The only thing I'll help him is in Jack and Sloan's linemen into him. Sloan's linemen? Yeah, you see, this would be detrimental to the beneficiary. And therefore, the terms ought to be set aside in this will. And you ought to give him the $2,000 now to lump some cash on now, give the man the money, will you? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Give him $1,000 and we get on out of here. Yeah, now just a minute. I don't know why I've listened to you this long. This is the most ridiculous, crumped up story I ever heard in my life. Now, listen, Brown, the terms of the orange will state that the $2,000 must be used by you for a college education. As soon as you enroll in a college, the lump sum will be paid to you and not before. Yeah, but Mr. Lloyd, I know. And as far as you're concerned, Stevens, you certainly have your nerve trying to pull a cheap trick like this. Now, just a minute, Joe. As you try and assay, did I, as been lion? Did I made up this story about being a psychiatrist? Is you implying that I as a swimmer in a cheat? Well, now that you asked me, don't bother asking that,

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22:42with sodium put sunshine in your wash. And now, back to Amos and Andy. Oh, I tell you, Kings, we might as well give up on this thing. They ain't no way to break the will and nothing. Yeah, we really don't hit a snag already. Yeah, we find a pot of gold at the end of the rain, but we can't get the lid off the pot. I know. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I've got it with the whole business. I'll see you later, Kings, bitch. Hey, here comes Shorty de Barber. Yeah, well, so long, Andy. Hello, Shorty. Hello, Shorty. So long, Kings, bitch. I mean, hello, Kings, hello, Andy. Goodbye, Kings. I mean, so long, hello, I mean, make up your mind. Where? Hey, Kings, Shorty, I mean, now we're all alone. Yeah, so you can put your brand in neutral. Yeah, I mean, you'll say Kings, bitch. Well, why does Andy look trope down in the dumps? I hear that he'll hear a $2,000 from his Amazon.

23:44Yeah, well, there are plenty of trouble there, Shorty. Only the terms of the will, they ain't no chance to get into money. Just think something that was ripped 30 years ago was giving us all this trouble today. Yeah, 30 years ago. Yeah, there's too bad there was another new will written later, Andy. Yeah, well, just as there wasn't no, wait a minute. Later, new will. No, I'm just singing here. If I was to write a new will with different terms in it, that would illuminate the old one, wouldn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's a good idea already. I won't tell Anna that I read it. I'll just say that I discovered the thing, and you'll never know the difference. Then I can have him take it up to his lawyer and get the money without having to go to college. Oh, so that was the terms of the will of will. You know, some things, after I got a high school, I got offered to go to a big medical college. A medical college, huh? I just want you going to be, you sure? Well, they wanted me to be a big surgeon.

24:45They wanted me to be a special area. They wanted me to be a general practitioner. They wanted me first. They wanted me first, and then I would go up and exhibit. Well, Anna, I've got to see you right away. Yeah, what's up, King Fish? Well, Anna, all along, I've had a sneakest description. Yeah, you and had another will. So this morning, I went downtown to the Federal Bureau of will and through another will that you'll have to meet up. No fooling, King Fish, is you on the level about this? Well, go guys, Andy. Here is the will right here. Here is the latest will. Yeah, it was written later than the other one, you see? Yeah, this must be a later will, all right? The ink on it ain't even dry yet. Yeah. Oh, this is an official will. Oh, it's current, Andy. Look what's going on right there on the corner there. There's the official seal of the sovereign state of Georgia.

25:47Two bowls, we will go on the background of a peach pit. Yeah. Well, it must be official, all right? Yeah, well, now we'll see here. Let me read you the thing here. Let me get on the spec one of the panes of cracked in the right one, yeah? Both of them, yeah. Yeah, it looks like a hair on the table there. Look at this. Now let me see here. This was just as this was written by your aunt, you see how chic she was here? Well, here was the story of the thing. Say here, I know men by these persons that this is my last will and just morning, and I really mean it this time. Yeah. Yeah, sounds all right so far, King. Yeah, well, she's going to see here. I, he'll have to refer to as old Mary Brown. Hereby I see that if there's any other will found before this one, it's beyond this regard. As my mind was not this sound and then, at that time, as it sounds now, that's it. Oh, I wonder why our mind was so unsounded

26:47when she had written that first will. Well, and then she spent right here in the next paragraph. Oh, well, she said here, when I made my first will, I just got hit on the head with a rock. However, the hole is done filled up. Now, now, I sharpens the button here. I don't know if I remember her getting hit on the head with no rock. Well, probably didn't want to worry, Andy. You know how you had to work. Yeah, she's going to see here. I wish to leave my love enough, you handwaves bound to some of $2,000. Please see that this is in touch and has no string to touch. And she closes the world here by saying, please excuse the handwritten as I, a sick and fast, I'll find your lead and marry. He did that really put a new angle on the thing. What do we do now? Well, we call the Mr. Phillips Deloie, Andy. Wait a minute, I'll get him on the phone here. And I'll tell him to you. See, that's all you got to do, tell these men. We're just telling them that you found a new will, and that you're going to bring it down to him and collect the money, doesn't it? Hello? Hello, Mr. Phillips.

27:48I call him Mr. Brown. He just found a new will over there. Look, I recognize your voice, Stevens. And this sounds like another one of your phony schemes. I guarantee you, if you can come down here with any fake will, I'll have the law on you. Goodbye. No, sir, goodbye. What do you say? He said, for you to come down with it right away, does what he says? Right. Oh, great creation. Then when he gave me the $2,000 by me, and you can split it according to our agreement. Yeah, well, Henry, I just want to say before you take it over, I've been taking it, and it would be a little selfish on my board to take $1,000 a year, money. I tell you what I'm going to do, and I'll tear up this agreement right now if you give me $100 cash. Well, King Fish, that is swell, are you? Only thing is, I just got $75 on me. Well, that's what I say. I'll do it for $75. That's what I say. That's what I say, $75. Yeah, there you go. All right, here you go, King Fish. OK, OK, here to say, I take the $75, and I stand up to this agreement right here, there to look at. Oh, boy, when I take this will down to lawyer, I'm going to be took care of for the rest of my day.

28:49Yeah, well, at least for about 60 of men away. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, honey, yeah, you will $75, cool cash. I made it yesterday. Oh, John, that's wonderful. Why did you get it? Well, never mind, honey. I got it, and that's the important thing. And you really got to believe him when I tell you, you will, you got a small husband, honey. I don't feel like it, that, honey. Sir, hello there, King Fish. Well, hello there, and how'd you make it yesterday down at the lawyers office? Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Well, I went down there, and I tell you. I mean, I don't blame me if you was on the dumb side, and I don't know it's smarter to you again. I was thinking the $75 you gave me was better than the $1,000 I was never going to see. What are you talking about, King Fish? Just take a look at this roll here. $2,000 smack a root. And the way you get that money from? Well, I got in college, all right. Look here, I even got my freshman beanie already. Hey, wait a minute, girl, wait a minute. What does the ammunition stand for on that cap

29:50you got on your ear there? L-A-B-C. They stand for the Lennox Avenue Barber College. Oh, wait a minute, can we take a look at this? You know, Amos, the smart people in business ain't the ones that is just on the ball. They are the ones that start the ball rolling. Yeah, well, that's the truth, Andy. And that's why I leave our brothers, the makers of Rincell, are a full year ahead. They really stepped out with 1950 Rincell. That's right. Sensational 1950 Rincell with Solium has three times the wider washing action of any other soap. That gets white clothes wider than new. Washable colors even brighter than brand new. It's at your dealers now. So tomorrow, get 1950 Rincell, the only soap that contains solium. Good night, folks. I see you next Sunday. Good night, folks.

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