Amos 'n' Andy - 3000 Dollar Diamond Ring

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1:07Who knew ice cold drinks could be so fire? Try them all only at McDonald's. And you know what that music scene? Yes, I am, as that music say, good health to all from Rexall. The Amos and Andy Show, written by Joe Connelly, Bob Mosher, and Bob Ross, featuring Inestine Wade, Johnny Lee, Shirley Mitchell, Fred Clark, Sarah Selby, Jeff Alexander's music, yours truly Harlow Wilcox, and starring Radios all-time favorites, Freeman Gossden, and Charles Correll. Amos and Andy. How do you do ladies and gentlemen? This is Amos, but my real name is Freeman Gossden.

2:08My partner, Charlie Correll and I are very, very happy to be back on the air once more for Rexall. And welcome back our good friend, Hollow Wilcox. We sincerely hope to bring you a season of entertainment of the same high quality as Rexall drug products. And that's a high mark to shoot at because you see Rexall drug products are sold under a money bag guarantee. Yes, that's right, ladies and gentlemen. Every Rexall drug product must give you the satisfaction you want, or you can return it to any Rexall drug store and get your money back. Well, this past week certainly was an event for one for Amos and Andy and their friend the Kingfish. They managed to get mixed up with a girl, a $500 reward, and a trained seal. How did this happen? Well, it all started last Wednesday in the polo grounds at the height of the pennant race. Mr. and Mrs. Theodore Wentworth were watching the game from their season box in the upper stands.

3:11The giants were trailing by one run in the ninth. The darling, it's a whole run. Oh, boy, oh boy, oh, boy. Well, that's the bowl game. What a game. Come on, dear. Let's see if we can beat the crowd. Oh, what good heaven. What's wrong, dude? My engagement ring, when I jumped up and it fell off my finger. Fell off your finger. Yes, it went over the rail. It fell down some place in the lower tear among all those people. Why in the world couldn't you've been more careful? There must be ten or fifteen thousand people down there today. I'm sorry dear. You ought to be. Do you realize that ring cost over three thousand dollars? My, where could it have landed? Where could it have landed? Well, great game, great game. Wasn't it an integrate game? Oh, yeah, King Fischer. Show us, yeah. Say, did you feel a drop of rain? I could have swore that something just whizzed by me from up above. Oh, no, mine, anyhow. Give me some more, cracker jacks there. Yeah, here's the box.

4:12Help yourself. Yeah. These show will go, uh, hmm. What you got there, King Fischer? Now you're looking trias, they got in these cracker jacks. Yeah. I need a bad looking ring. Looks almost real. Yeah, that's the, that's the artificial diamond. It makes them in Japan. Does it by irritating the oysters, you know? Here it's ain't them. From the size of this rock, they must have beat that oyster with a whip. Well, I guess it's yours, and it was in you box of cracker jacks. Yeah. I wonder how they can afford to put a prize like this in a box of cracker jack. This ring looks like it must be at least worth a quarter. Look, uh, lucky you didn't swallow it. I once swallered a tin whistle out of a box of popcorn. The doctor said, if I hadn't got it out in time, I would have been stuck with a whistling liver. Well, not a bad breakfast, self-hide, not a bad breakfast.

5:13I'm glad somebody enjoyed it. George Stevens, would you kindly put that newspaper down from in front of your face and look at me? Flea's honey, I've eaten. George. Look at you, damn. With your hair up and curlers, beauty cream, and that's the best thing I've ever seen. I'm glad you're happy. George Stevens, would you kindly put that newspaper down from in front of your face and look at me? Beauty cream and that chin strap. You look like the bride of Frankenstein on a golden wedding anniversary. Don't you criticize me? You ain't no prince charming with that head of skin and that backrow caught you down the way to safety pin. I'll wait a minute. And their eyes are yours. Peering over them big bags. You look like a doughboy and a trench is waiting for words to go over the top. So we ain't no taxing jinx. Now, let me read the paper here. I guess I see him and Mrs. Wintworth lost a $3,000 gauge and we're going to pull the ground just today. Yes, I read that. Her husband's offering a $500 reward. Say here, the incident occurred at the close of the game

6:17and it's believed that diamond ring fell, the diamond to die, to die, to die. George, what's going on? Now, if I me and Andy found a ring in a cracker jack box, it must have been a ring. It must have fallen into box. A $3,000 ring and Andy got it in his pocket. Why, George? And there's a $500 reward. Oh, George, it's wonderful. And you split this win-fall with Andy. Yes, quite a win-fall, but I got a sneak in suspicion that it ain't going to be as breezy if I am. Here's it is for me. My George? Now, let me handle it. Honey, now listen, I'll go down to the large hall and call up this Mr. Wintworth and tell him that I got the ring. Oh, George, it'll be wonderful having this money. I'm going to get all new curtains. Yeah, and it's going to be wonderful for me, too, honey. I'm going to get my bridge out of Hock. I'll tell you, Sapphire, I was tired of grinning on the buy-ass eye.

7:23Hello? Hello? Is this the residence of Mr. Wintworth, the man who lost the ring? Yes, that's right. What about it? Well, Mr. Wintworth, there's George Stevens over here to Mr. Knight's to see large hall. Yes, yes, yes, well, what is it? Well, now, that reward that was into paper, that was $500, wasn't it? You know, hidden digits and then the well. No, that was $500. Now, look here, I'm getting impatient. Mr. I found your ring. Great, great. Now, just bring the ring over here and you'll get your money. Fine, now, excuse me for being so careful, but you see, I found a Russian wool found once and I returned the thing over to the owner and when I asked for the reward, the man said, well, found on me. You ain't got no dogs and nothing over there, is you, Mr. Wintworth? I know. Well, you just get that ring over here as fast as you can. My wife is very worried about it. Your money will be waiting for you. Fine, Mr. I'll see you. Oh, me. And they got that $3,000 diamond ring. That sure is a hunk ice. Now, let me get on my hat and go over and defrost the boy. Oh, Andy, isn't it lovely here in the park?

8:25Yeah. And hasn't it been wonderful since we met just one shot week ago? Yeah. I feel that we was destined to meet, that we were star-crossed lovers. Yeah. And do you not say much about me? I don't know. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. Andy, you not say much. What you think, and above? Yeah. Oh, Andy, I just can't wait to have you meet my folks now that we are officially engaged. And Andy, this is such a lovely engagement ring you give me. I'll never take it all. Don't you think it's lovely? Lovely. Ah. Ah. Here's the Grekkajag. Good evening.

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10:29Well, Andy, I've been looking all over for you. Where's you been, boy? Oh, boy. I had an important day, King Ferry. It's one of the most important in my whole life. I got myself engaged. Never mind that. I ended the thing I want, so I want engaged to a girl. Yeah, it works better that way, don't it? Her name is Gertrude Watkins. She's Acros. Gertrude, now tell me, Andy, when you played at your troth, did you play it with a handshake or did you play it with a rose, or did you play it with- what I feared you played it with? King Fisch, I done played it with that irritated oyster ring we found in the cracker jack box. She thinks it's a real diamond. Ha, ha, ha. Yeah. Andy, you got to get that ring back from that gal. Get it back. But this is real love. This is the gal I expect to spend the rest of my life with. I can't live without this gal, King Fisch. This is the real thing.

11:29Andy, that was no cracker jack prize. That ring was worth $3,000, and the people who lost it is offering $500 reward for it. Funny how quick you can saw her on the galleon. Well listen, King Fisch, listen here, I done told that gal I loved her. Now how is we going to get the ring back? I can't ask her to back right out of the clear sky. Andy, look here, we got to use strategy. Now, wait a minute, let me scratch my hair just, let me see, the thing to do is to start a fight with her. That's the thing to do, start a fight with her. Now you get us so mad, you get us so worked up and so boiled up and so mad with you, that she'll throw the ring right back in your face. Now I'll go over there with you when you start to fight with her. Well, okay, if that's the only way, but, tell you King Fisch, I show hate to break engagement. Special at this time. Well, why at this time, Andy? Because my other fiancée don't get back to town till Tuesday.

12:36Well, here's good truth as a department right here, King Fisch. This is one of them theatrical board houses in it. Yeah, they get all kind of show business and board build people here. That gal had gummed a smile at us in the hall there. She was Madame Zelda, the aerialist. Madame Zelda, the aerialist. Yeah, that's right. She used to hang by her teeth and whirl from the flying trapeze. Yeah, what happened to her? Well, one night in Madison Square Garden, her teeth finished the act, but she didn't. Well, now, now, don't forget Andy, as soon as you can, you start to fight with Gutsu. Now, get her worked up there so that she can get mad. Then she throws the ring at you. Oh, it's just going to work out fine. I'll knock on the door here. Yeah. You think you're just going to work, King Fisch? Oh, yeah, Andy. You've got to get her mad now. You really got to get this girl and fumigate. Yeah. Yeah, that's what... Oh, Andy, isn't this suite of you, my great big apple, don't fling? Yeah, let me give you a hug.

13:36You sweet darling boy. King Fisch was that $500 in cash. Well, in the house suite, you brung your father with you. No, no, no, wait a minute. No, Gutsu. This is my friend and cohort. You're cheating. Oh, how do you do, Mr. Stevens? Won't you come in? Yeah, well, thank you. Now, you said he missed you, and you said he and I'll sit next to you. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, a good truth, I... Oh, Andy, you so cute, my big old teddy bear.

14:37You're cheating, you're cheating. You're cheating, you're cheating. Um, teddy bear, can I contrast with you? Oh, yeah, yeah. Excuse me, honey, I'll be right back. What's the trouble, King Fisch? Listen, you big dummy. You was hidden in the wrong direction. What you trying to do, Kuchiku, or so to $500? Well, I saw your King Fisch. You see, I come in here already to fight, but one Kuchiku, when I am melted, faceted and a hunk of pig fat on a hot grill. Then, come on, I'm just time. Keep up your mind on your business day, and let's give him a hand. Oh.

15:53There's a Toyota that's just right for you. And with great deals across the lineup, now's the time to find yours. But hurry, these deals won't last long. Toyota's easy choice sales event ends soon. We make it easy. Toyota, let's go places. It's fall in Jeep country, and during the drive-in-to-fall sales event, get a great deal on four-by-fours that refuse to be contained, like Jeep Wrangler. Confidence built into every drive with the most awarded SUV ever, Jeep Grand Cherokee. And freedom that can't be denied, with the open-air freedom in Jeep Gladiator. After 85 years, it's no surprise that Jeep became America's SUV brand. Get a great deal during the Jeep drive-in-to-fall sales event. Jeep is one more awards over its lifetime than any other SUV brand. Jeep and the Jeep grill register trademark of the AUS LLC. Good food, honey. Yes, Andy there. There's something that I've been wanting to tell you for a long time. What is it, Andy? You is the ugliest, told I'd never see it in my life. And you ain't heard nothing new.

16:53Oh, I've never heard anything like this in my life. And the brand I'll never want to see you again. Get out, you hear? Get out, get out, I'll scratch your eyes. I'm getting out, get out. Andy, come on to do it. I'll teach you what. Oh boy, where's she man? Oh yeah, I got a hand at Toyota, Andy. That was a great piece of work. Now let me have to ring Andy. Ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha. I ain't got a king. King Vision, the argument she didn't throw at me. Call me, what must we do now? She didn't throw it, huh? No. Well, I'll fix that, Andy. Yeah, I'll take care of it. Well, what do you want? Now, excuse me for patrouting, Gertrude. But in the argument, you forgot the tool, something with my friends here. What? Oh, so I did. Well, here you are. Teddy bear, wake up. Speak to me. Teddy bear, speak to me.

17:57Well, we didn't get to ring, but I don't guess we get to reward. So it leaves me an end, ain't out nothing. And we didn't get no trouble and nothing after all. Come in. How do you do, sir? What can I do for you? Your Stevens, aren't you? Yeah, sir. That's right. Well, I'm Mr. Wentworth. I've come for the ring. Excuse me, Mr. Wentworth, but would you mind helping me up off the floor here? Thank you, sir. Something wrong? No, no, no. Don't pay no attention to me. I got an idea. I'm going to fall down a lot during this conversation. You say that you come for a ring. This is news to me. News to you! Now, look here, Stevens. You called me up and said you had the ring, and now I come up here and you don't have it. Only an idiot would pull a trick like this. Uh, Mr. By some strange coincidence, you had done penetrated my secret. I happen to be a bona fred idiot.

18:58What is this? Yes, sir. I was a notorious crank. I always called nothing, pulling little harmless pranks like that. What being an idiot, I am responsible for none of this stuff, you see what I mean? Now, look, I don't believe one word of this. Now, sir, well, you can't touch me. I'll protect it by law. I as a CPI. Certified public idiot. Look, Stevens, I know you have that ring. I'm giving you until 10 o'clock tomorrow morning to produce it or I'm going to the police. The police? The police. And I'll see that you get at least 10 years behind bars. I told you before you go, would you mind help me above the floor again? Now, here's your Rexall family drugist. Today, whenever they want fast relief from an ordinary headache,

19:58millions of people choose Rexall aspirin. And there are three very good reasons why. Then how about letting us in on them? Well, first, every Rexall tablet contains five full grains of pure aspirin. Second, in the hundred tablet bottle, Rexall aspirin costs you barely more than half a cent per tablet. Well, those are two good reasons. What's the third? The most important of all, ma'am, there's no faster acting aspirin made. But exactly what do you mean by fast acting? I mean that when taken with water, a Rexall aspirin tablet is ready to go to work for you even before it reaches your stomach. That I'll remember. Then remember this too. You can depend on any drug product that bears the name Rexall. Now, look, now we've got to get in here and see Algonquin, J. Calhoun. Now, I don't spend a whole thing to him on the phone. And he said he doesn't work out the thing. He ain't got to work out. Yeah, no, we've got to get that ring back from Gertrude or go to jail.

21:00Oh boy, this is a mess. Well, how are you, Calhoun? Hello, Calhoun. Glad to see you, boys. Glad to see you. I love you, Calhoun. If you work out the way that we can get that ring back from Anders Gertrude, now let me think here. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Calhoun, is you thinking that or has your pancreas backed up on your day? Well, man, let's see here. And you see the gallean wearing the ring? No, I've talked to one of her gall friends. She ain't wearing it, but she's keeping it someplace. Keeping it someplace? Now, I'm proud of like this called for a little, surreptitious, spondylospins. I hard to put it bluntly, rock-removing. See, he's doing his weight because she's out and then sneak up and get the ring. See, Calhoun, that's a great idea. Yeah, that is a great idea you don't give us. A great idea. But wait a minute. Suppose something happens.

22:00Yeah. You mean, suppose when you tiptoeing out of the gall's room and you got the ring in one hand? All of a sudden, the flashlight goes on and the big policeman is standing there with a gun right in your face? Yeah. What does the way to do it in? Boys, Dennis, you're turning to get some ideas. Oh, Mrs. Thompson, I was all packed. Oh, no hurry, my dear. I just thought I'd help you move to a new room before supper. Well, thank you. I hope this change into another room has not upset you, but that extant, say, of mine has just been bothering me today. Oh, that's fine. I'm putting Mr. Thorndock in his apartment here. They open at the orphanage this week. You're putting his apartment in here, too? Yeah, Mr. Thorndock takes the bedroom in Bosco uses this room. But don't you other tenants object to Bosco? Oh, no. In the theatrical boarden house, you get used to anything. Even a train seal.

23:01A train seal? Yes, I guess you do. Come on, Andy. Up to fire, Skip here. Watch this step. Now, it's dark as pitch. Yeah. Gertrude's room is up here on the third floor. You think we're safe, King King? Oh, certainly, Andy. Yeah. We've seen him all eating in the dining room. Gertrude, the land lady, Madam Zelda. Yeah. Now, here's Gertrude's living room window, right here. Yeah. Hot dog. It's open a little. I'll ease it up here. Yeah. Yeah. Good. Yeah. Come on, Andy. We can get in there. Yeah. Come on. Yeah. You use it, doesn't it? No, Andy. Yeah, here we go. Oh, boy. It's even darker in here. Outer on the light. Oh, no. Don't me do a turn on, no light. Somebody will see the light from the outside. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. Now, the jewelry box ought to be over here on the cabinet, somebody.

24:04Andy, don't do that. He's bitch. Whatever was done, I didn't do it. And, uh, whatever it was that you didn't do, you just done again. I think Visha, I tell you, I do nothing. And, uh, something tells me we are in trouble. Gertrude, Watkins is downstairs, eaten, and her nose is up here snoring. I think Visha, I bet that wasn't her down there at all. She must have fell asleep on her sofa. Holy mackerel. Lucky you didn't marry that girl, ain't it? It would have cost you $700 for a sinus job. No, something. She must be having a nightmare. Hey, listen, Kingfish. They ain't no jewelry box on the cabinet here.

25:04We better get out of here. Yeah, I guess we better. Say, wait a minute, Andy. Maybe she got to ring on a finger. Oh, listen, Kingfish, it's too dark in here. I get scared. Come on, let's get out. Listen, anyone snoring that loud. Angle, wake up. We can't give up now, Andy. You're well. Take it easy. Let me feel around here in the dark. I'll see you. Yeah, yes, you are. Now I'll... What's wrong? She must have fell asleep wearing a fur coat. Listen, Kingfish. I think we oughta get... Quiet, Andy. Quiet, we're the men. Here's the wrong. Yeah, I got the wrong here. Now, let me see if I can find a hand. Hand. What's the matter, Kingfish? Hand is you sure you took a good look at that gal before you proposed? Listen, Kingfish. I have to pull the macro, Andy. You'll feel us as a seal. Yeah, let's get out of here. Come on, let me get out.

26:12Oh, me Andy. It's 12 o'clock and we ain't got the ring. Mr. Wintworth is going to throw us both in jail. Well, not take it easy, Kingfish. We don't set Amos up to talk to Gertrude. Maybe he'll have some luck getting the ring back. Now, listen, if our brands in ingenuity couldn't get the ring back, that dummy Amos ain't going to have no success. Oh, I tell you. And if anyone had gotten her, or high, Amos high. Well, hello, that boy. How is he? There you will, fellas. There's the diamond ring. Oh, Amos, you got the ring back. Amos, you was wonderful. How did you do it? Oh, it was simple, boy. I just went up and told Gertrude the truth and she gave it back to me. Hmm, the truth. We wouldn't have thought of a sneaky approach like that in a million years. Oh, boy, this is wonderful. Now we get the $500 reward. Yeah, and I'll tell you what. I'll rush the ring right up to Mr. Wentworth. Yeah. That way to minutershield. Why can't we both rush it up there? Hey, Kingfish, you ain't trying to pull no fastman on Andy here, is you? Amos, me pull a fastman. Honest George Stevens. As you think of Diedstube so low,

27:13after Ann and I has been through this together, did I do something like that to my dear brother, did I disgrace the fair office of the Kingfish, did I do something so underhanded to my pal and lay for long, brother? How could you? How could you say that? Well, sorry, Kingfish. Yeah, well, I sorry, two Kingfish. Well, that's better. Well, I'll go on up there and see Mr. Wentworth now. So long. Hmm, quite a speech, I made the... Lucky for me, I didn't listen to a word, I said. Well, I was often sorry to bother you here at the ball game, Mr. Wentworth, but your wife told me to bring the ring right here to you at the ball game. So here is the diamond ring. Fine, Stevens, fine. Here's your reward money right here. $500, I had it all ready. Oh, thank you, sir. Oh, what a beautiful bill, a $500 bill. Look at that.

28:13Oh, thank you, Gensur, and, uh, good day, sir. Ah, good day. You can get out that way, Stevens, if you can squeeze past those people at the rail. Thank you, excuse me, let me buy you a... Pardon me, lady. Excuse me. Pardon me. Pardon me, please. Well, careful there. You almost knocked a $500 bill out of my... How do I... How do I... Holy Mac on my bill, my $500, wait, wait, wait. Hey, Ma, hey, Ma, I'm home. Oh, junior. Did you enjoy the ball game? Yeah, I had a swirl time. And look, Ma, look at the funny prize I found on a box of Cracker Jack. A $500 bill. Oh, you're home. Hey, Ma, hey, Ma, I'm home. Oh, junior. Did you enjoy the ball game? Yeah, I had a swirl time. Look at the funny prize I found on a box of Cracker Jack. A $500 bill. Oh. Friends, if you take multivitamins, choose the kind that give you 11 important vitamins, including red vitamin B12, plus liver concentrate and iron. I'm talking about rexol plenamins.

29:14The vitamin capsules that give you 11 important vitamins, including red vitamin B12, plus the nutritional extras of liver concentrate and iron. The daily dosage of plenamins is sealed in an airtight foil wrapper that protects their guaranteed potency from the harmful effects of light air and moisture. Take a tip from Harlow Wilcox friends. Change to plenamins, PLE, N-A, M-I-N-S. Plenamins. You'll find them at rexol drugstores everywhere. And don't forget ladies and gentlemen to visit your rexol family drugstore. Thank you and good night. See you next Sunday. Men, if shaving's your worst daily chore, this tip from Wilcox don't ignore. Stag, brushless shave cream starts your day the faster cooler no scrape way. Stag needs no rubbions, smooths right on. Wealtz those whiskers while you're yawn. Stag's moist longer, costs no more, and sold at every rexol store.

30:14That's what I said. Stag, brushless shave cream. Be sure to be with us next Sunday at the same time when your rexol drugst will again present the Amosanandishou. Stay tuned for the Mario Lancet program which follows immediately over most of these stations. This is the CBS Radio Network. See you next Sunday at the same time. We make it easy. Toyota, let's go places.

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