5 Guys On A Cruise Ship | Travel Tales

0:00A list-snap production. This is Happy Hour with Lucy and Nikki. And if you're easily offended, then this might not be for you. I was one bite away from the greatest cabab of my life, and things got weird. Within minutes, three or four massive men arrived. Oh my god. They definitely weren't dressed for a night out, and they definitely weren't there for cababs. They were there for the cababs. No, not the cababes, doll. I can slave. I love that way with work. Cheers, babes. I'm going to Happy Hour with Lucy and Nikki. The real life shit you only discussed over a drink. But before we start, a little disclaimer. So today we are here for one of your favourite kinds of episodes, travel tales. Honestly, we've taken you across the globe with lots of cruisers on today's episode. This is very cruise-centric, isn't it? cruise heavy. Wait, I reckon that?

1:00To me, it's a sign of the times. Cost of living. Cruisers have great packages. They do. Call me crazy. Call me cruzy. But I'm not. You know. But I think there is a market for good from uses. A really bougie cruise. Yeah, we're talking about this. But there needs to be someone that does it because I will say. Is it elevated? Yeah, I will say, guys, no shade. But you will not catch me on the Princess Caribbean with a bunch of bogans. No, thank you. I tend to think a lot of gamblers go on cruisers. Yeah. Because there's often casinos. Yeah. Which is interesting. Just like why even bother if you're just going to sit on a boat fucking having a cup of tea? Or just having a cup of tea? Technically, if you were to look at it, you're like, oh, and then I go to actually see like four islands in three days or whatever. Yeah. I don't know. It's not for me, the babe. I'm being trapped on a fucking big ass boat. No thanks. Like, I know, I could just almost imagine if you and I went on a cruise together, right? I can imagine like us getting to the point where we're like, no, should we go and

2:04prove the postcards getting? Yeah, no. Do you know what I mean? Like you get to the point where you would have looked at everything so many times that you're kind of like, what else is there to do? Yeah. Like even if you're on your own private yacht for many days, I get over that. Like I am like, I'm such a land girl. And then a million percent, I get over being on a boat for that many days. Like, that's crazy. Me too. I went out with my family for five days last year and actually weirdly, I didn't get that over it. That's what I think. That's because we did, like we just did a lot of like, you know, it wasn't weird to just lay on deck for hours and not talk to each other. Yeah, yeah. Like it wasn't like we weren't trying to like make, make fun. Make fun. And I didn't have phone with service for three days of it. Do you read him some books? I just honestly really zanned out. Nice. It was really nice. Yeah, that was a great trip, babe. Like I really truly like, I thought, like, talked off. Like it was really nice. And like, it's kind of nice when for someone like me, whose brain works, you know, over

3:07drive all the time with a lot of balls in the air, sometimes it's nice to just not be reachable and to like the only thing you have to think about is like, oh, what time am I having my first glass of wine? And everyone knows you're also away with no reception. Yeah. So you're just like, I'm safe. Yeah. Yeah. It was quite nice. I was like, wow, this is, I need this. I actually feel like I might even next time I try and go on holiday, like I might even try and like have like a full no phone day and stuff every now and then. I can't even. Oh, it just, I don't know who you are, but I need a bit of respite from it. No, I like that. Like a dedicated no phone day and just like heads up to all the people that might usually contact you and going offline for the next couple of hours. Like, yeah, I think the thing is true. Like I was even down to the wire of like not having that, this is a weird thing to even talk about, but like not having that weird conscious thing in your mind of like, I should be getting content that I guess a lot of people feel like when they're on holidays. Well, you got your phone. You just kind of like take photos of everything. Yeah, but I didn't feel like that at all.

4:09And it felt fucking unreal. I didn't wear makeup. I didn't put an outfit on. I didn't, I just literally swathed. Yeah. White noise. Yeah, fucking. More of a vile. And you literally have the best weather babe. That's what I try and do when I go to Bali to I'm like, I don't care. Unless I've got like, you know, content I have to work. I'm like, I don't see that. I'm working in Bali as well, though. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like it's, I like, like this time I would go to the gym. I'd go back to my villa like poolside, pull out the lap before a bit. Like it's like, it's kind of motivating on my. I just, yeah. Like it's so easy to like eat healthy and stuff in Bali. Like, I don't know. I really enjoyed last time I was stayed in Bing Inn. Just in one villa for like the whole time. And obviously because I've got Bob now too, it's like, he can't be just like, she's like, don't need to go and do a thousand things anymore. Like it's too hard. Like, but yeah. I don't have a baby. And I don't like doing a thousand things. I'm like, I think Bali's one of those ones usually you've booked somewhere nice to stay. Like you don't feel guilty. Like we're also being a lot of time. We're also being a lot of time. We're also being a vacation of having to travel around and shit. Yeah, well, like if you do go out for a break out of mine, like having the laptop there,

5:09I think because there's so many nomads as well working. I feel a bit inspired. That's got to Bali. Anyway, we've gone a bit to the laptop. Anyway, let's get into these tails. Five men in a floating red flag. Hey, babes, this one is a long one, but I swear it delivers. We've got a cruise ship, Vanawatu, formal nights, questionable men, a rooftop spot, one absolute flop, and a reality TV jump scare years later. Stripping because 21-year-old me was apparently unhinged and on a mission. When I was 21, freshly single after a five-year relationship, the fittest and most confident that I've ever been, and somehow found myself gifted an eight-day cruise to Vanawatu with my sister. I remember thinking, great, I'm going to be tripped on a ship full of old people playing Bingo for eight days, babes. I couldn't have been more wrong. The old people in this cruise were not sipping tea and going to bed at eight. They were telling me about drug escapades in South America, wild travel stories, and swinging. I was truly not prepared to hear over a buffet breakfast. It felt like we were stepping into an alternate universe.

6:10At this point in my life, I was very much just in my, let's see what happened, Zero. I've definitely come down a lot since then. I'm a relationship girl-y at heart, but this cruise is one of those memories I'll look back on and think, okay, at least I've lived. Anyway, day one. Day one. Day one. My sister and I went trivia because we are apparently intellectual queens, and it gets the attention of two guys. It's called the first one, Nate. We end up hanging out with Nate and his friend, dinner, drinks, eventually landing in the spa together late at night. My sister and his friend get tired and leave and Nate and I stay behind chatting under the stars. One thing's needs leads to another, and suddenly I'm having very hot and heavy moment with this man in the spa on the top deck of the cruise ship. Under the stars trying to be quiet while the security guard keeps doing rounds, which somehow made the whole thing ten times more intense. Nothing says romance, like trying not to get caught with your legs wrapped around a man in a public spa. Sounds dreamy right? Well, Nate then proceeds to fall in love with me almost immediately. For the rest of the cruise, he's basically begging me to move to his city and trying to turn it into some grand love story.

7:12Unfortunately for him, the desperation gave me the biggest imaginable. Aww. So he then went from rooftop spa fantasy to please stop following me around to the buffet very quickly. Oh no, fucking awful. Oh no. Then enter guys number two. Oh my gosh. How do you find this many bloke on a boat? Let's call him bow. It's formal night. I mean, gorgeous dress feeling a very man character sitting at the bar and my sister is gone to bed. Gosh, she just stays out looking dreamy. At the cross the room, there's tall a beefy rugby player looking man in his 30s. In a suit, starts making eye contact with me. Eventually he walks over and I buy you a drink. Obviously, yes. Aren't they all inclusive? Not the point. Can I buy you a free drink? Yeah. A few drinks and he says come to the casino with me. Very James Bond. We walked down these big cruise ships staircase and I nearly stuck it in my heels. But he literally swoops me up and carries me down like something out of a movie. At the casino, he starts teaching me how to play cards.

8:13I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing and somehow he helps me win $200 US dollars. And then he just hands it to me and says I can keep it. At this point, I'm thinking, okay, this man is either a scam or a married. When he tells me, he's actually meant to be on his honeymoon, but he's fiancee cheated and left him at the altar. Naturally, I'm thinking sure, mate. So I asked for proof that he wasn't secretly on this cruise with the wife. He takes me back to his cabin, opens the door and there's his dad asleep in the room, story confirmed, I guess. After that, we end up walking around the ship, kissing on the main deck and because neither of us had a free room, things escalate in one of the bathrooms. Not my finest decision, but it was late. The bathrooms were freshly cleaned and 21-year-old me was apparently treating that cruise ship like love Island on water. The next night I'm back with Nate and his friend because my sister enjoyed the friend's company. Nate's still sulking because I didn't want to continue our little cruise romance and we walked to the casino. That's when I see guy number three. Let's call him Luka. Hands down, one of the most attractive men I've ever seen.

9:15Suit. What? I need to know what cruise this is. I know. It's given the Virgin cruise. Right? Suit. Perfect brown hair. Looking like he just stepped straight out of a magazine. And make eye contact and immediately think, oh no, he is hot. I go to get a drink and he comes up behind me. Do you want to go for a walk? I tell my sister, I'll be back and off I go. It's not like I'll be kidnapped on the ship, right? Then he hits me with the world's worst pickup line. My phone's about to die. Do you want to come up to my room so I can put it on charge? Terrible. Embarrassing. Did it work? Unfortunately, yes. I'm thinking my room is going to be too hot and heavy and all of a sun is going well until this man who I've known for about 25 minutes suddenly whispers a request that was not on my holiday itinerary. What's the request? I immediately stop and I look up at him like excuse me. He tries to push the state situation further. Absolutely not. She doesn't tell us what it is. I sit up. I put my dress on and my heels on and I leave the room. The next morning I see him on the beach acting all casual, playing with a ball with these

10:16mates all ripped in hand like nothing happened. Me and my wife standing there thinking sir, I know your secrets. After that I get up to the crystal clear water. Tell us what his secrets were babe. It's fucking anonymous brother. I know. Maybe it's like peg me. I do that. I know you're dying to pick someone. I am. I actually am babe. I know. That's such a boss move. I just would like to. I know you babe. Just where you'd feel like an absolute action star and all like here. All those straffles. Zina, warrior princess, warrior beggar. Oh, fuck you know. After that I get into the crystal clear water where my sister goes snorkeling. Another guy swims up. Let's call him Brody even though he doesn't deserve a hot name because he is the flop of this story. He seems nice though. And that evening here appears out of nowhere while I'm walking to get snacks. I saw her on the beach today. Do you want to get a drink? Sure. Humbler's enough. Few drinks in. I walk around the ship. I just want to let you know I've got a girlfriend.

11:16But I really want to kiss you right now. Oh. Babes know. I push him away. Danger. Absolutely not. You've got a girlfriend at home. I'm pretty sure I should not want you doing this. Then he starts begging. She won't know. He wasn't happy. Oh. All the classic cheating men garbage. Oh. We're sitting on the sun loungers while the sun is setting, which he could, which could have been romantic except he's giving me full body ik. I tell him I'm not interested. I get up and leave. Shout out to Brody the floating red flag of the cruise. I go downstairs and meet up with my sister for a cup of tea and somehow meet guy number five. Fuck me dead. Geez. She's not weak. She called him my lord. She has found five dudes on a boat. Stand by. Wait, wait, wait. My lord wasn't a hook up. Okay. My lord became my gay cruise bestie. Okay. Honestly, one of the best parts about this whole trip. I just didn't really drink and would usually head to bed early. So my lord and I spent the rest of the cruise running around like Drunk Little Goblins. And night we ran up to the front of the ship at sunset and did the Titanic pose, laughing our heads off. He held me up to the bow and it was just pure silly wholesome fun.

12:18A true king, no notes. Then comes the final man. Let's call him say, Lysand. There was a dress up party one of the last nights and earlier that day I'd met this insanely handsome blonde guy. Quiffed hair, tan skin, muscles, gave serious young hating Christians in the energy. We'd been chatting at the bar, hanging out in the pool and I was fully swimming. That night he says that he'll meet me at the party. I don't really have a costume so I just wear another formal outfit again and I head along. I can't find him anywhere. Turns out, while I'm already at the party, he's tried to come and pick me up from my cabin dressed like a full sailor. The only problem is I can't remember exactly which room is mine. Can you the general corridor from walking me back earlier that day but not the actual door number? So this man is walking up and down the hallway fully dressed as a sailor, knocking on random cabin doors trying to find me. All people opening their doors like hello, can we help you? And he's just standing there and his little sailor out there trying to locate some girl that he met on a cruise. Eventually he gives up, runs from my side of the ship all the way to the other side

13:19where the party is. And he finally turns up, babes, he was hot, unfairly hot. He was ripped, the shirt was doing God's work and the fact that he just done a full shipwide rescue mission to find me made it even better. We were inseparable, dancing, drinking, running around the ship, kissing him random corners. It felt like something out of a chaotic cruise ship romance movie. Every time we found a quiet spot, things got a little more breathless, a little more handsy. And then we'd be off again, sneaking around that we owned the ship. That's so hard. We end up finding this tiny private room that locked from the inside. It reminded me of that scene in Titanic where they sneak away and have their own little world. We kissed, cuddled, got very close, talked all night and fell asleep together in this cute little secret room. It was actually really sweet. We kept talking for a long time after the cruise but unfortunately nothing ever came out of it because we lived in different cities. Just when I thought this story would stay buried in my 21 year old memory forever, years later, I'm sitting at home having dinner with my boyfriend watching TV and Nate pops up on a dating show. Yes, rooftop spa night on national TV.

14:21I nearly spat out my food. Because there he was, all I could think about was this man wants beg me to move cities after we hooked up on a cruise ship while dodging securities. So there you go. Eight days, five men, one cruise ship, one flop, one gay, bestie, one sailor and one reality TV jumpscare. I've definitely calmed down since then. I'm a relationship girlly, very much letting life flow. But honestly, this is one of those memories that made me feel like I really lived. A little unhinge, yes, regrets, surprisingly. No. Would I survive a cruise like that now? Absolutely not. Love that, sorry. I love it. I love it. There are so many hobbies on the ship. Well. How hot are you, babe? You obviously like the ball. Yeah, I reckon she was the prize of the show of the ball. There's the prize of the, which looks to pick up a ship name. The prize of the Mediterranean Princess number three. Oh, big time. You know, big time, babe. Fuck. Oh, you sound hot and all your men sound even hotter. I know. Like, really crazy sometimes to think like there was a guy that like went and like scoured

15:24the halls to try and find your room. I'm fucking struggle to get a text back from some of these degenerates. Yeah, I know. I know. No, I mean, fuck it's just different times. Hey, maybe you should go on a cruise ship, babe. But imagine, oh, fuck, actually, you don't feel well on boats. You can stop with fucking flog. Oh, man, my- You're gonna have your mixes. If my truck record of my company on boats- Forbidden- Never good. First year. Never good. What I think back to the contique, the, sorry, the South Crow issue and idea, babe. It's actually such a common thing that contiquees, sail trips, everyone goes on them, they all have partners at home, but then there's always like some kind of drama. I know. And you and I were just sitting back there. There was so much drama going on and I bowed, it's one of the girls who's hooking out with one of the guys, but she actually had a boyfriend back in London. They found their film- And then you and I were just like, fuck all you can't and have a drink. It was wild. I was so bored of that drama. Oh, it was like, I really don't give two fucks, guys. I needed it.

16:25But you don't even shut up or fuck it. You just operate on like a different point. I was like, I was like, fuck and do it then, you pussy. Cheat on your boyfriend. I'm sitting here in a bed. I was over it. I was like, oh my god, I'm about to bite him by the bloke and drinking London from afar and say, you miss his cheap non-your. I know. It's all like you got to be as far as having the trip. Yeah, I know. You're so tired. That's true. Because I was drinking during the day, babe. Yeah. And I fell asleep in the middle of a Croatian square. We literally got that photo of you the other day of me asleep in the square. Yeah. Yeah. And honestly though, I do get really tired. If I start drinking early in the day, I get really tired. I think that's so common. Especially in the sun. Yeah. And especially like, like, like, seltzes or stuff that's like kind of like, you have to drink a million to even get far. It's a big summer's be summer that one. Huge on the summer's be that year. Okay, wrong car, wrong day. Do I have a doozy for you girls? Years ago, when I was with my ex, we went up to the goal course for a holiday and spent the day at wet and wild.

17:26We were way too cheap to pay for the $15 lockers. So we left everything in the higher car our phones, wallets, clothes and shoes. All we took were our towels. We hit the car key under the front tire. We had a great day. In the late arbo, we started walking back to the car. I noticed it had a flat tire. I thought, oh shit. Let's grab the keys and call roadside assistance and get them to change it. So I reached under the tire, no keys. I searched everywhere. It was nowhere to be found. I went to reception and asked if they had a screwdriver because I thought maybe one of the keys had slipped down behind the front wheel panel. They lent one to me, but we couldn't get it off. So I went back and asked if we could use their phone to call roadside assistance. But half an hour later, the roadside guy arrived. He couldn't find our radio in the system. I'll explain it was a higher car. So he said, it helped us get the keys and change the tire anyway. This bloke then proceeded to absolutely dismantle the car. Oh no, I bet you any money, it's not their car. When the cars were coming off, then the whole thing was turned inside out. He managed to open up the car and said, get us a new key, but he couldn't find the old

18:28keys. While he opened the car, I started looking around and noticed a pair of old dongs. Then I spotted a camera on the back seat. That's when it hit me. This wasn't our car. Oh, you fucking idiot. We'd literally broken it into someone else's car. Oh, I know. And had to pay to break in. No doubt. I walked over to my ex and said, I don't know what to say right now. This car is in our house. Look through the windows. Notice that there wasn't enough stuff. I guess if you just say committed. I said, you need to go over and tell him he needs to. I was starting to hyperventilate at this point. We went over to the roadside guy and he said mate, I feel sick to my stomach. This is in our car. He said, right, I've never had this happen before. Our actual higher car was two doors down the exact same model in color. He walked over to our car, reached under the tire and found the car keys instantly. Fuck off. We felt awful. So we said we'd pay for the entire change and started writing them and know to explain everything. As we're finishing their note, their owners walked out and said, why are you doing? You in our car. We explained the whole story fully expecting them to lose it.

19:28They burst out into tears laughing. Thank fuck they were so chill about it. Oh, legend. Small of the story don't be a tight arson pay to $15. Wow. What fucking legend. It's so funny. So when you just like have a moment where you just, you don't think logically or just like, oh my god, this is what you call jumping to conclude. Big time. I feel like that's literally something that would happen to me. Oh, babe. And I have much fun with cars. Cars and keys and whatnot. It's like you and me walk out and we can't find our car. Like I wouldn't even think. Because you're high. This is an alcoholic. I'd be like someone's flown down in a helicopter stolen our car and it's now disappeared. Just like always the most dramatic. Big time. Or possibly not be our car. But like as if you'd think that. Although if it's a very generic looking set of wheels, maybe. Hmm. All right. Next one. The AA meeting wake up call. Hey, girls, I've got a story that still haunts me to this day.

20:32Mostly because I still have absolutely no idea what actually happened. Picture this. I'm about 20. It's one of my best friends birthday. So a group of us spend the day at the minories before heading to Bathurst for a night out at the OX because let's be honest. Our hometown's nightlife was absolutely tragic. I'll be off to the office. Sorry for always ripping on you. A couple of other girls. It looks like I might have to go to the OX one time, though. Oh, babe. Don't tell me with a good time. You know where I'll say I always also really wanted to fucking go. Was that pub in Mildredra? That was close when we were there. The club. The two-story club. Oh, yeah. On the corner. I was like mate. Lexi's home pride. What's the thought? I think it's called like home or something. Or was it funny? The name started with H. I think. Like cozy corner. That is absolutely not what it was all the way. But fuck, it looks like a good time. Like honestly, good time Mildredra for having a two-story nightclub. Because I don't even know a two-story nightclub in the Gold Coast. I think there's a few in surface. Well, yeah, but you know who goes there. There's platinum still open. No idea. I don't think so, babe. I think I'm close years ago. I think I'm close years ago.

21:33I don't know where the big flamingo was. Oh, it is too. That's close down. True. True. True sis. Okay. It's the pink flamingo close down. Yeah. Oh my god, I had no idea. Yeah, babe. I think I'm going to go to be very meld and dull. Absolute show. What a shame. Hmm. The Gold Coast is losing its spark. When you go to be, though, comparatively, some of that. Really. Just more tasteful. Okay. Like more crazy horse. Okay. I've never been to crazy horse either. Neither of us. More and more one rouge. Okay. Anyway, there are the arcs that are in Bathurst. A couple of girls pulled out of staying the night. But my friend who's birthday was and I had already booked a motel. So off we went. We get to the ox after the winery. It's having the best time catching up with other friends who are there dancing, drinking, all the usual country town antics. The last thing I remember is standing in what I like to call the VIP section. Calling it VIP is probably generous, but let me have it. Then absolutely nothing. It's like my brain just clocked off for the evening.

22:33Fast forward to the next morning. A wake up next to an older bloke gently tapping me on the shoulder saying, sorry, darling. I'm going to have to wake you up. We've got an AA meeting starting in about five minutes. Not exactly that wake up call I was expecting. That is like ironic to that it's an AA meeting and you're fall asleep drunk and open that eyes and realize I was in what looked like a homeless shelter. Slash community area, not my motel, not the ox. Not even remotely where I thought I'd be. I had no shoes, no socks, no handbag, no feet, no phone, just me and one of those microscopic tiger mist cut out boobs half out. Dresses are somehow qualified as an outfit at the time. And remember, I'm not even from Bathurst. So I was wondering around Bathurst, fucking Bathurst barefoot looking like I've escaped from a crime scene in the mini dress, no shoes, no socks, trying to work out where the fuck I am. Eventually I walked into a random cafe. It's about 11 a.m. at this point. Oh, this is literally dramatic.

23:34And I asked the poor girl behind the counter if I could borrow her phone. Problem was I didn't know anyone's phone number because who does? All I could think to do was message my ex-boyfriend at the time a messenger. Who? Plot twist is actually my boyfriend again now. He answered with what the fuck everyone's looking for you. Me and my poor friend had waited for hours at the mackers because I had the motel room key in my handbag. Her phone eventually died. My parents had to drive all the way to Bathurst to rescue her. My mum was calling everyone that she knew. My friends were searching everywhere. People genuinely thought that I had finished into thin air. Oh, this is hectic. A couple days later my friend got a Facebook message from a random stranger asking if she'd lost a hairbag. Turns out someone had found my handbag and my shoes dumped together and a dodgy back alley car park. Just the bag, just the shoes, no phone, no socks, which honestly raises more question than it answers. Because why were my shoes taken off? The stranger had taken the bag back to our motel because a room key was inside.

24:36Reception recognized my best friend's name from the booking. Somehow found her on Facebook. After that we went full amateur investigators. We asked the ox for the CCTV footage thinking maybe I'd been spiked or something because I had never blacked out like that before. They couldn't show us anything without police involvement. And we tracked down the homeless shelter community center I'd come out and ended sleeping in. The lady there told us that the building is locked with alarms overnight. They didn't go off. Meaning someone would have had to let me in. So apparently at some point during the night someone decided I belonged at a locked community center and that's literally the last lead we ever had. To this day I have no idea what happened. I've never had another night remotely like it. I'm not sure of my drink was spiked. If somehow I drank way more than I realized or if something completely different happened. All I know is that I left the ox and woke up being told to move because AA was starting. Honestly I think about the poor bloke who woke me up at the time. Imagine rocking up to set up an AA meeting, finding a random barefoot girl half asleep

25:36and half naked in a tiger mistress. Poor bloke probably thought that I should have stayed for the meeting. Anyway I hope he's doing well. I love you girls. Oh that's so unsettling isn't it? It's scary. I know especially being in Beth's. It's a whole place. What's Beth's? Well I might say she obviously didn't end up getting the AA the CCTV footage. Oh I hate that. Like that's stressful. That would mean such a stressful forever. Like they got you wrong. That's what I mean. I know and like that moment where everyone's looking for the next morning and so she must have had a good keep if she didn't wake up to 11. Yeah. All right. Did it? Too drunk is just so dangerous guys. I know I always drink was a little bit of that. Especially that's the kind of thing though if you don't know if you got spiked. Like I think that like I've got this kind of thing about myself where I I drinking is what I am doing and I drink too much. I'm usually pretty good at being able to gauge when I'm getting to that point and I'll

26:36remove like I'll get myself into a safe environment at least before that happens. I can't see up on you though. Well I can but that's when you're like that's where being spiked is a completely different thing because yeah I bet she did get spiked. You've got no like you've got no control. Like a day at minories and stuff like who knows. It's honestly so dangerous drinking like oh I thought that ruff was going to be at one day drunk. I'm like oh my god I feel no. We can just cruise around in a car after like watching a I'll be like share your locate with me baby girl. Literally. I'm dread. I'm sure. Next story from a cruise package to emotional baggage. Okay so. What are the cruises today? Wait babe I've actually weirdly been watching this woman on um she's like this 44 year old woman and she's like like just makes a gizzillion tiktok and she talks about her dating life. It's an interesting watch for sure but she's on a cruise at the moment and like talking

27:37about her dating life on the cruise. Oh wow. I can't stop watching. Is there a hotty's on cruise this is something going on. Tell me I can be a fat person who you find hot. Yeah. You know what I mean? Sometimes people get hotter if you're in small occasions. Like when you go on like school camp and you're like wait is this how that African guy hot? I definitely think that there is magic in that a bit of Stockholm syndrome. Yeah I fell in love with the biggest nerd from my school at my school camp. Did you? So that African boy never forgot. Yeah far there you go. Yeah I fell in love with the I was like I would do earth science together and I've never looked at you twice and now I'm like obsessed with you. I got up early to do yoga with him on morning. What grade were you in? 11. Oh gosh did you kiss him? No I had a boyfriend. But it didn't stop the crash. Yeah perfect. I can't let me just give it silly. Yeah it's kind of fun when you're young and you can be a bit like that. Yeah. From cruise package to emotional baggage. Okay so this happened when I was freshly out of a four year relationship with a man who cheated on me for basically the entirety of it which honestly deserves a loyalty award.

28:39Fuck. Wrong thing to be a loyalty. Wrong thing to be a loyalty but committed nonetheless. Anyway just fight. I committed cheetah. Despite the breakup we had a new years cruise booked with a massive group of friends. Romantic no traumatic slightly but I thought you know what rebrand. He didn't come. I gave a ticket away and entered what can only be described as my feral healing era. Go girl. I love the word feral today. We stopped in cans the night and because we had an unlimited drinks package I treated alcohol like an hydration strategy. It's giving like fruit tingles. Hmm. We end up this this hostile club in cans. Shout out Gilligan's nightclub. Oh, Deva honestly like people are holding his child. Gilligan's like people fucking just rooting cans are I can. Did I? It's just like a bit crazy traveling horny vibes. A lot of backpackers. Yeah. Yeah. A lot of um to these to these outcomes. If anyone knows the place where your dignity goes to die please identify yourselves because I genuinely cannot remember the name. Well there you go. I just told you Gilligan's.

29:39Gilligan's babe. Absolute carnage. My friend throws up all over me and not normal vomit. I mean demonic end of days. Excesses level black vomit. Still don't know why. Zambelke is my leading suspect. And naturally I'm in a white dress. Perfect. Now remember I've just gotten out of a four year relationship. I was single for the first time in forever and apparently decided my approach to dating was tap random men on the shoulder and ask are you single? If yes immediately, Pash. No chemistry check. Copy. To be young. I know right. No values aligned. Now know what to do for work. Just eligible mouth. Eventually I meet this guy and we end up back at the house he's staying up with his mates for years. At this point I'm blind drunk. We're swimming naked in the pool drinking some earnoff double blacks like we're supposed to be athletes in poor decision making. Then I wake up the next morning and immediately think where the fuck am I? Oh no. Because important detail I meant to be on the cruise ship. Oh fuck. I'm technically a missing person. No phone. No clue where I am.

30:40Can't contact anyone. Turns out my phone is still at the hostel. And this man, after all we've allegedly been through goes I can Uber you there. But can you transfer me for it? I'm a dog. Brother get fucked. But he orders me the Uber anyway. So now imagine me still drunk hung over beyond human comprehension. Covered in mystery blacks view. White dress looking like I survived active combat. Walking through cans in broad daylight trying to locate my phone and my dignity. Meanwhile my friends are in full crime junky mode apparently they somehow got a photo of this guy's license or address and literally went to his house looking for me. Like budget detectives burst in ready to save me but I'm already gone. So naturally everyone thinks she's dead. She's been kidnapped. This is how the podcast starts. Meanwhile I stroll back onto the cruise ship at 4pm casual as anything. They walk into the cabin but I'm just sitting there like hey no explanation just vibes but wait it gets worse. At least the boat hadn't left I thought that's where that was going.

31:43Yeah me too. This man takes me. And just somehow despite me being from New Zealand currently on a cruise ship and him being a literal random man in cans he asked me on a date. And my friends are all like baby you have to go you're finally single. I'm not the bloke that asked you to transfer him for a fucking Uber bike. He's just trying to get a free feed even the playing field. Fuck knows. He's like that but shows me 30 bucks. I'm currently violently hung over. Spurigtro Friedrich-Fraddraal covered in regret but I think fine. Character development. No. Fuck that's solid babe. I get off the cruise ship to go on a date with this man. We're sitting in the middle of cans. It's about a fucking so hot too. It's so hot. It's about 30 fucking degrees and tell me why this man orders a red wine in Queensland heat. It reminds me of when we had to have red wine in China at that noodle shop. That was hardcore. That was so gnarly. Immediately I'm like red flag so get a beer, a rosé, a water,

32:44electrolytes even. What is this behavior? And I sat there the entire day genuinely thinking what is my life? Anyway we keep talking after because apparently heartbreak had temporarily removed all critical thinking skills out of my brain. And then I find out he doesn't even live in cans. He lives in Adelaide on a farm in a caravan. Wow. And then tell me why I proceed to book flights to Adelaide to go and see him a few months later. Oh shit. A man I met while covered in black vomit and poor decisions. Like that was somehow my soulmate origin story. Thankfully somehow higher powers intervened. I canceled the Adelaide trip in at last minute and decided to go on a solo trip to Sydney which was wildly fun and deeply humbling. But honestly the fact that I nearly moved my emotionally vulnerable post break up self into a caravan on an Adelaide farm because of the chaotic nighting cans. That was the real plot twist. That's insane. Really like so crazy. So crazy. I can't help.

33:44I get it though you're like, oh fuck I'll meet an arm as I go on a second date. You know. Now I unless it is someone I am like in love with. I am not going on a date with him that hung over. Yeah. Like I have to be so invested to go on all over the day. All like I know them well enough to just be a bit flotty with them. Like I have to be like so like I need to want it that badly. Some people just operate really well hung over though. Like not kind of like our friend like Bella for example springs to mind always like she's never having like as big a night of us. But even if she does like she always is up and out on the next morning. I've got a lunch. Our nice. I've got polite ears. The talented Belis are torque and cheese. Yeah. Yeah. I am only going on a date hung over if I really like them or I'm working up in the house. That was insane. Like that's fun. Yeah that's fun. That's real fun. I was actually going to go on a date with this guy like a first date with this guy like a few months back.

34:45And I was so hung over one Sunday and I was like fuck I'd really love some company and I almost asked him to just come over and hang out with me hung over but I was like is that a really bad first impression that's was he hung over to no. I think to be honest babe. I forget fucking boys if they want to read you they'll be there right now. We'll show it. Yeah but I wanted it to be like a date. I didn't want to be just like shouting. I didn't want to just shag him like I didn't I didn't even know if I wanted to shag him at all. I just remember Bella Clinton being like when that Sunday morning scrolled like when that dude was just like come over and hang out with me. I'm so hung and she was like what the fuck like no. Do you know what just back to talking about like people's level of like partying and hung over like I people like our friend Bella like she's so charming when she's out and she doesn't really get that hung over whereas I so she's like just charming across the board like you'd be hard up to catch her in a moment when she's not like charming. When I'm out I'm fucking sending it. Therefore when I'm hung over I am in the depths of hell.

35:48So that's like all that for 48 hours of just not being charming at all. You're probably charming like junk though when you're out. If you're vibing with people you're vibing. I'm like hey how are you. No you still haven't laughed. Yeah I haven't laughed. I'm a little bit embarrassed. Maybe if you're in the dance floor as we said more dancing. Yeah I know. Baby. These are fucking dancing is your craft babe. You should be just like dancing. I'm very hot though I dance because I like bangers. Maybe you should do small routines and feel the stories. It's kind of giving like white chicks when they do that like dance off. Should we go? No. We're beside you low. Well the fuck is. That's all I got. Oh my god imagine if we actually could get in a dance off with people in real life. Yeah but I'll just say you're you just think good support. But I'll just clap you in. You just drew these ones to the side. You know it's a little like um thing the point. Yeah give me a little whoo. Whoa. Whoa. Yeah. You'd be on the mic. Yeah right. The Prague Symphony. Hey Lucy and Nikki long time punter first time writer here. I've a Kentucky story that genuinely belongs in the hall of fame of absolute bedroom disasters.

36:53So picture this my ex boyfriend dumps me on our literal anniversary outside my house doorstep giving me the classic pathetic I'm just too busy and not ready to date right now speech. Like me. On the anniversary is a bit brittle bro. Absolute villain behaviour. So I decided the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else and where else but Europe of course. Cut to Europe. I met a group of legendary Aussie girls and we are running a mark. Enter the boys. We start hitting it off immediately. We're talking romance novel vibes flirting, cuddling and wondering around these gorgeous couple stone streets of Europe. Oh. Completely off our charts rainbow. It felt like a literal movie. We break up into couples mean this boy another girl and another boy. We end up shagging our way through each city. By the time we hit Prague we've gone out and spent the entire night at a bar until about 3am. We're completely wobbling down the streets. Hamed and both couples want to get it on. The problem. There is only one four bedroom dorm available. The boys room. To make matters worse the boys room mates had gone to bed hours ago and

37:55were fast asleep in the room. Oh yeah. In the room. Yeah. Shit. To be polite the boys literally draped a blanket over this poor guy's head so he wouldn't see anything if he woke up. But we didn't need to worry about him seeing because he was dead to the world snoring his absolute head off like a chainsaw. Since space was limited we decided to divide and conquer. My boyfriend and I sneak into the bathroom hostel for a steamy louds out shower session. Meanwhile my friend and her guy take the bottom bunk. Keep in mind old mate is sleeping above. So picture the audio track of this room. The poor blocs are aggressively snoring his bum. My friend her guy getting it off down on the bottom bunk. My boy and I are making noise in the shower. It was a full blown four way audio track for sure. Unhinged chaos vibrating through a tiny Prague dorm room. This man slept through a literal live action porn soundtrack. At breakfast time the next morning the boys finally broke the news to him about his front row seats to the Prague Symphony. I love that. The guy had absolutely zero recollection of it because

38:56God he didn't wake up. You'd be like what the fuck is that noise? I kept to be panning sex is so confronting. Oh my God. Yeah. Like when I was inside in the every single day the people next door to me were rooting and it woke me up at like 3 a.m. and I literally actually went to the balcony because I was like these surely on their balcony rooting like I feel like they're here. Babe I've told it they were in the room and I was like whoa that's so loud. I woke up one night I got really blinded at a friend's house and like I wasn't intended to stay there and I woke up after like being like just put to bed I guess because I was fucking blind in her spare room to her the sound of her and her partner having sex. Yeah. It's worse. I honestly think it's worse if you know them. I mean I copped this train to every day. Yeah same. And I was just like this is so vulnerable. Yeah and I was like la la la la la la la la. Yeah like I do not want to listen I feel like you're almost like invading even though they're literally just rooting loudly you're like

39:57I know babe. Oh my god. Anyway this chick didn't give a fuck. Yeah she said basically just finishes a story by saying they end up having pissing themselves but naturally the romance went south towards the end of the trip. No naturally. Can Tiki can Tiki romance go on wrong? Oh so many people just woke up when they get to Europe day and day. Everyone except me. Fuck yeah that I was scrolling from my TikTok and this and I'm in surround and this really really fucking hot guy came up on my feed and I was like who is this and I remember it was a guy I matched with on hinge and was chatting to the South of France. Yeah. And I was like Jesus Christ why didn't I try harder to make that happen. Wow. You need to keep these people unless you got them in the bank now. Yeah. I mean I'm a good guy. I'm a good guy. Yeah he though he was so beautiful. But figured out he was a strange cat. I actually met him. Yeah. And then he just left and he was so bad I can't I can't be drunk and

40:57I'm going to be on your level. Yeah fair enough. Okay I think we got time for one lucky last story. High Queen strapping about 15 years ago I was traveling through Europe with a few of my best friends from a small town in New South Wales. 21 year olds living our best lives really. We were staying in a hostel in Barcelona by far. Barcelona. And we came friends with a girl who worked that. She was a teacher from the Bronx in New York and unlike our sheltered little bay girls she was extremely street smart. We decided that getting some green stuff to smoke from a random guy would be a fantastic idea. Spoiler alert it was not. I wasn't completely inexperienced when it came to having a good old path but whatever we smoked that night absolutely cooked me. I remember standing on the beach and genuinely not being able to fill my legs. And whilst I do have MS and my legs aren't exactly reliable at the best of times this was the next level. Convince it had to have been laced. Thankfully our Bronx friend was with us and one of my besties has never mastered the art of inhaling smoke so she was basically sober.

41:58Few hours later the guy who told it to us picked us up in one of those biker taxis and started trying to convince us to go to a club. It kept saying that in new people who could get us in and we repeatedly said no thanks. We just want to dirty kebab and we want to go home. This is where my memory gets a little fuzzy. Not a GC dirty kebab. Not a GC. Not a GC. Dirty kebab with the C. That's right. So this day about 70% convinced that this happened exactly how it says it did. My friends however are 110% convinced that we were moments away from being trafficked. While riding in the bike taxi the young guy called someone and we clearly heard him say I've got five of them. At the time, two stoned and stupid to really think much of it. Eventually we arrived at the kebab shop. The bright glowing open sign had me hypnotised. I was one bite away from the greatest kebab of my life and things got weird. Within minutes, three or four massive men arrived. Oh my god.

42:58They definitely weren't dressed for a night out and they definitely weren't there for kebabs. They were there for the kebabs. No, not the kebabes doll. I can slave. I love that way with words. Or I could be a kebab. Fucking othew word. You hang out at the kebab shops. I do. I'm a kebab at the kebab shop. One ticket, one ticket at the kebab shop. Romance. You did. You're looking for the kebabes. Nikki and so we're, how do we tell this to her in the pod? I think so. Nikki was like Lucy fell in love over the taboo. And then the other guy will be with Tay. We were like, you get to say it was, I don't care. We were like, is this happening right now? Because I believe they are K-noodling at the kebab shop. I'm read. They're reading. I'm not saying read is such a dreamboat. I love it. I was like fucking good on you. But also nothing happened at the kebab shop. I just went home with my kebabes. You're making this snack pack arrive. You guys will hand off digging in.

44:00I was like, I'm not fucking digging into your independent meals. Yeah, I was sharing, tasting each other's, quite cute really. Sharing to bully. Sharing to bully. Okay. So while specifically unaware, linear against the wall delving into my kebab. Come back. I do remember our New York friend walking straight over to me. She grabbed my face and she said, Sarah, look at me, listen to me. We've got to leave right now. I've never sobered up fast in my entire life. Within seconds, all five of us are running out of the shop and jumping into taxi's waiting outside. I won 1,000% do remember the young biker guy sprinting after us, trying to open the taxi doors while banging on the windows as we drove. It's a solid story that gets bought up every few years. And only recently one of my girls told me that she remembers that young taxi guy having a huge gash across his neck, which to be fair probably checks out. And this poor dude was probably of this truck-ficking game as well. No, what? Well, they do get people to lure.

45:00You know, that's a common thing. A taxi driver and it with a gash in his neck. No, no, the traffic in guy. So the guy that had sold the weed that was trying to get them to the club that had organized the heavies and the buy-he was obviously driving around in like a, are they calling? Tuk-tuk. You know, like Tuk-tuk taxis? What's there there? Bustalona. Oh, is there Tuk-tuk in Bustalona? Remembrally. I don't remember that. I don't need that, but like, anyway. No, there are Tuk-tuk's parents. Don't we know at all? Literally. While my brain doesn't want to believe this actually happened, according to every single person who was there, we were incredibly close to becoming a very different kind of travel story. And only hope that it gives me is knowing how annoying I am. And they probably would have pushed me off the porch before selling me to their friends anyway. Ili-guines. Wow. Lucky that girl was there. And like, even if nothing was going to happen, good on her for just being like, we like, sussing the vibes and being like, I'm just going to get out of here. I fucked that. Like, if you get the inkling, just go.

46:02I find. So funny when you think of those things, like, I always think like safety and numbers. But like, if you've got big, four big, burly men rocking up because like, you've seen they've got a big group, that's pretty wild. It's pretty scary to think that what goes on, hey, like, I always find it fascinating with, like, I guess, people getting trafficked. Like, I find that it's interesting when you hear of like, no one obviously should ever get trafficked. But I do find that it's interesting when they like, you hear story that like Ozzy or like American or English girls getting like, you know, almost trafficked or whatever. Because I'm like, these are people that have like, embassies and stuff that would, you know, spend, go to like spend a million dollars to try and find a missing, you know, Australian girl. Like, it's interesting when that kind of stuff happens. It's like, you're going to get caught. Maybe they don't. I don't know. I don't know. What about you seeing that documentary, babe?

47:02About that girl that goes on a cruise with her family. This is a good story to tell in this episode. It's fucking so sad. I can't remember the name on the documentary, but of the documentary, but it was on Netflix. And basically, she is a young woman. And she, I think she's like, maybe 19. And she goes on a family trip with her brother and parents on a cruise. And one night she has it having a few drinks. Like all of these stories that like the cruise bar, whatever. And basically no one ever sees her again. And it's like this big kind of thing. She's a tossed overboard. Well, that would make the most sense, or like she'd fell or even she jumped. Yeah. You know? But then years later, there's been all of these like, not a heaps of them, but speculated sightings of her on like, weird islands in, I can't remember if it's in like the Bahamas, or it's in one of those kind of like Mediterranean-y kind of areas.

48:05Of basically this woman who's now been like trafficked. Like there's this really like, I don't want to put, I hate telling stories that are true and like having incorrect information. But basically years later, she gets cited by someone and they, she tries to speak to them. But then obviously, she's like in a public toilet somewhere. But obviously at this point now, she's got children. And she's like kind of like, I can't leave the children or whatever. Or whatever. Fuck. What is this called? Should we quickly try and find out? Yeah. What's the called? Netflix. Amy Bradley? Yes. Yes. So let me give you a little bit more. Amy Bradley is missing. She's 23. She vanishes on the Royal Cover in Blue. No, the Royal Cover in cruise ship 1998. She's never been found. And basically you would think perhaps that she fell overboard or she jumped.

49:06But the thing is that now years later, there've been like multiple alleged sightings of her. So it's just crazy. But basically there's like, so she was 23 at the time. Hmm. Jeez Louise, that's really, really crazy. It's really, really fucking sad. Wow, I have to watch that babe. It's really interesting. Crazy. Filled speculation of a abduction or human trafficking. It just like feels like, I don't know if this is the right word, but like human trafficking, I think when you watch movies like hostage, oh, sorry, Hostel, what's the call? With Liam Neeson. Oh, I'm taken. Taken. Sorry. Fictional act. Very scary. My bad. Taken. You feel like it seems so far-fetched. Do you know for those things to have? But like those things are based off real sex rings. Well, they're based off like, you know, I have someone's lived that experience of saying it's just like, I'm like, like, how do you just like

50:07be okay with doing that as your job? Well, it's fucking pretty crazy. That's the thing like, whenever I think of anything in this lifetime that is really sinister. Like even I watched this fucking YouTube documentary about this is fucked up resort that they were building for people to come and like abuse children. Like a full resort. In like somewhere in fucking central or South America. Like just fucking corks, like all these human trafficked, like just fuck. Yeah. And do you know what really is? Like there would be people that are running that that aren't pedophiles themselves, obviously. But they're running it as a business. And you know what it is? And allowing it to happen. Money is the fucking root of all people. Big time, babe. Which to me is just so outlandish because there is nothing in the world that could entice me to do something highly immoral or highly illegal for money. Fuck. Like I just rather be poor. And I know it's just so so sad.

51:08But that's easy for me to say when I haven't like grown up in, you know, like some people are so desperate. Yeah. But that being said. Especially like those third world countries, it's just crazy. So I think this episode of Lauren order, again, not true. But this episode of Lauren order and it's this woman. And basically she, they find her the beginning of the episode because she's got like similar symptom. A similar thing happens to her, which is basically her leg has been amputated as this other quote unquote, like victim that they're looking into. And they go and talk to this woman and well, like why did your leg get amputated? And she was basically such a junkie that she let a guy amputate her leg for $25,000. Like because he's obviously like obviously this is a fictional show guys. But this guy's like got some kind of like weird fetish where he wants to like amputate people's legs and she was so desperate for money and such a junkie that she was like, I'll let you amputate my leg for 25 grand.

52:08No. And she's like, I didn't even care. Like she's like, I did not care. And I was like, wow. She needed the money. Yeah. Life is cheap in a lot of these countries as well. You know, like people just, yeah. But like I've even heard stories of like, you know, like really, really, really wealthy people, you know, like traveling to Europe and like getting yachts and stuff and obviously like getting the yachts ready with whatever they need. And that might be like, you know, really young sex workers in each room that they can kind of like use to their, you know, just, I don't know. I'm just like, it's all fucked up. I just am so lucky and glad sometimes that we live in a world where we don't have to like to me hearing some of these stories about things that happen. I'm like genuinely like perplexed that I live in the same world as people that can do those kinds of fucking bad things. Really awful. Yeah. And you can kind of just like, you know, it's happening and like you just,

53:10that is just happening. I told you as well, hey, when I went on that crazy walking tour and metting in, how they take you into this square. Yeah. And he's like, now this might seem like a normal square, but look around and like really look and you'll notice it's just full of sex workers. And he's like, I'm not going to take you to the next one down, but the next one is the same thing, but with children. Oh, fucking hell. And he's like, I simply won't take you there because it's true to stir being fun. It's kind of like even, you know, different again, but like when there's like beggars in Paris, for example, and I like, I have kids, then they grow up and their kids have to go and get the money. It's like that's not sex slave, but like it's still like there's so many. It's like a cycle. It's like to break cycles is so important. Yeah. Like how do you break it if it's all you've known? Fully, you know, it's fucking hard. So people that go and do like, non-for-profit or like work in those industries where they're just helping people and like you're fucking honestly. Doing God's work. Yeah. That's it, hey, crazy. Yeah, fuck anyway guys. It's a bit of a heavy one to leave it on, but fucking look after yourself.

54:13Look after each other. Keep you, have you wits about you. If you feel like something suss, just fucking call in the big dogs big cops are again. And also, I think if there's ever, we talk a lot about sharing locations and stuff on here, but like if there's ever a time to share your location, it's when you're traveling, especially in a country where maybe you feel a little bit unsafe. No, no. We've done some fucking crazy shit in the past, babe. Like, I have like, we have some other things that we've done now, 20s, and I'm like, I would not be comfortable to do that stuff now. But you live in your land. You're fuck. I'm just thinking about that one. I've not been to Lombay. I mean, exactly what I'm thinking. Idiots. So fun, no. We've got to go shot. Also, anyway, be everyone. Drink responsibly. Anyway, I'd love you guys. See you next step. So guys, if you love today's episode, make sure you give us a follow wherever you get your podcasts. And also on Instagram, TikTok, join us in our close Facebook group, HapiR with Lucy and Nikki. And don't forget to share. Tell your friends. We love you. Listener.