214 - Dating While Neurospicy

Understanding Neurospicy Relationships

Dr. Kristen Williamson, a licensed professional counselor with a doctorate in behavioral health management, shares her journey of being diagnosed with autism and ADHD at 39. She prefers the term "neurospicy" over neurodivergent, believing it captures "the spice of life" that comes with different brain wiring.

Communication Challenges and Solutions

Dr. Williamson explains how her autism can make her sound robotic when she's not actively thinking about vocal inflection, which her ADHD husband initially misinterpreted as anger or criticism. Her advice: learn about your brain and advocate for yourself upfront. Tell potential partners, "I like to ask questions. I might ask you 17 questions in a row—I'm not interrogating you, I'm just really interested."

Overcoming Rejection Sensitivity

Neurospicy individuals often experience rejection sensitivity dysphoria (RSD), described as "a thousand micro cuts across your psyche." Dr. Williamson acknowledges this pain while emphasizing that there are people who will accept you authentically. Masking who you are only delays potential rejection and makes it hurt more after emotional investment.

Finding Your Community

Rebuilding confidence requires "a hundred tiny steps," starting with finding places where you fit. Dr. Williamson recommends online communities, Discord channels, Reddit threads, meetup groups, and conventions where you can connect with others who share your interests and experiences.

Creating Authentic Dating Profiles

Rather than disclosing diagnoses, share characteristics: "I prefer direct communication," "I don't always get subtext," "I prefer texting over phone calls," or "I prefer small groups over big concerts." If someone can't meet you where you are during the "best behavior" phase, they likely won't later.

The Core Message

"It is not your job to make yourself smaller in order to make anybody else fit in. You can shine just as bright as everybody else."

Connect with Kristen on Instagram