239 - The Courage to Connect with Emily Beecher

Emily Beecher is a 50-year-old single mom and certified coach who specializes in working with neurodivergent individuals, particularly those with autism and ADHD. She was diagnosed with ADHD at 44 after her daughter received her diagnosis. With a 25-year career in media and arts, Emily discovered her passion for developing people and transitioned into coaching.

Understanding Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD)

RSD is a common challenge in ADHD that causes intense emotional reactions to perceived rejection. While neurotypical people might quickly move past an awkward moment, someone with RSD may ruminate on it for years. Emily's key advice: ask yourself if someone is truly rejecting you or simply stating a preference. More importantly, evaluate whether you're actually interested in them—don't let RSD override your own feelings.

Disclosure and Dating Authenticity

Emily recommends a flexible approach to disclosing disabilities. You can change your strategy with each person and date based on comfort and safety. She typically mentions her ADHD casually on first dates to gauge reactions early. However, she emphasizes trusting your instincts—if you feel unsafe disclosing, don't. When people minimize or dismiss your diagnosis, they're showing you who they are.

The "Too Much" Revelation

Emily had a breakthrough realization: she was the source of her amazing first dates, not her dates. She brought the fun, playful energy. This insight helped her stop making herself smaller and instead seek partners who could match her energy level. The key indicator? How you feel after the date—energized or drained.

Building Attractiveness from Within

Feeling attractive starts with self-compassion and self-care. Emily emphasizes finding what makes you feel good—whether clothing, music, or hobbies—and prioritizing those things. Attractiveness isn't about being attractive to others; it's about feeling attractive yourself.

Getting Back into Dating

For those scared to start dating, Emily advises: acknowledge your fear, skip the apps if they feel overwhelming, and tell your friends you're ready. Friends know you well and can make introductions. Approach dating as an experiment—gather data, stay curious, and remember nothing has to be forever. Consider alternatives like speed dating, hobby groups, museum events, or themed meetups where you can be authentic while doing something you enjoy.

Connect with Emily

The Five Stages of Dating Success curriculum is now available at the introductory price of $97 (you save $78). Get it here.

Check out coaching in dating and relationships with me to get the support and relationships you want.