Today on the show, Violet Lange, a relationship coach, introduces The Goldilocks Method to dating. Violet overcame trauma and a difficult divorce to find lasting love. She has a deaf daughter with cochlear implants and combines practical strategies with spiritual approaches to dating.

Healing Trauma & Attachment Issues

Embodiment Practice: Place one hand on heart, one on belly, breathe, and say "I am safe, I am loved, I belong." This breaks mental loops and grounds you in your body.

Overcome Fear of Abandonment: Be 100% committed to yourself. Test potential partners early with your truth, needs, and boundaries rather than hiding them. Say "I will never abandon myself."

Core Dating Strategies

Break Stuck Patterns:

• Stop people-pleasing and be authentic
• Express frustration when boundaries are crossed
• Be clear about what you want (Violet told her now-husband: "I want a committed partnership and to be a mom")

Use Effective Boundaries:

• Say "That doesn't work for me" without lengthy explanations
• Address concerning behaviors directly
• Protect your energy from emotionally unavailable people

The "Goldilocks Phase"

Appreciate good qualities in people who aren't quite right. Think of relationships like pizza - you can have everything you want, but proportions may vary. Focus on whether core needs are met.

Key Framework

The Settling Paradox: The more you feel you need to settle, the lower quality matches you'll attract. Be clear and specific about what you want. Believe you're worthy of having it.

Essential Principles:

• Be vulnerable and clear about desires
• Don't water down what you want
• Keep faith in love and yourself
• Remember: you're equally powerful as the dating process

Contact Violet: [email protected]

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Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more.

Music by Successful Motivation

Artwork photo by Elevate