10 Most Common Issues in a Marriage

0:00Thank you for listening to my morning monologue. Brought to you by Golden Crest Metals. Find out how golden silver can protect. Would you have worked so hard to build? Visit goldencrestmetals.com slash Dr. Laura. Remember, you can hear my radio program daily on SiriusXM Triumph and connect with me 24-7 at Dr. Laura.com. Alright, what I'm talking about to open the program today or the 10 most common stubby or toe issues in marriage. Found a Q2 article in Babble.com, which I thought was an hysterical name for a website so decided to read that one and I thought, this is very smart. I mean, babbling is usually what you say when somebody when you're trying to diminish what they're saying. But nonetheless, this is very, very smart. And I'm not reading the article to you.

1:00I'm just going to tell you what her 10 are. Is I agree with them? Devon, Devon, DEVAN, McGinnis. And I'm not going to bother with no relationship is perfect. I'm not going to bother with that. Here are the 10. I'm going to knock them off reasonably fast. First one, you're constantly trying to change how the other person thinks, feels, behaves. You're supposed to have test driven that car for two years before you married. Once you signed on the bottom line, you accepted all defects. That's not written here. I think that's brilliant. I just came up with that. A lot of you think talking is communication. No. Criticizing, blackmail, being a victim. All of that is not communicating.

2:00Listening and trying to reach that other person, embracing their feelings and mindset, and expressing yours in a way which doesn't make everybody defensive because it's not an attack. That's communicating. Time management. Most of you consider just about everything in your life more important than your spouse. Inemissie. Other kids. Dual career families. Kill sex. That just kills sex. They both come home exhausted and resentful. Because there's nobody at home creating a home out of that house. That's why I'm not saying that. Sex. One of the most common issues. I don't feel like it. I'm pissed off. I'm irritated. I'm upset about this. That's the other thing. Yeah. Focus.

3:00Your focus is on kids. Your focus is on some hobby. You're taking precedence over each other. Emotional infidelity. It's really hard. First of all, I hardly believe in it. But I think it's what people say to try to keep most of their butt out of trouble. Learning to trust someone and be emotionally vulnerable after they've been so emotionally close and invested and talking at great length and great duration of time with somebody else is very hard. It's probably easier for each to get over a one night stand than it is. That you shared yourself. That deeply, that long, with somebody outside the marriage. It's probably more destructive. Money. One likes to save, one likes to spend. One likes to control it, turns into fights. Resentment. Money is a big marriage dissolver. By the way, all of this comes under the category of spend six to nine months in premarital counseling

4:03with somebody who knows how to do premarital counseling. Because that's a specialty. So that all of these things will be dealt with in advance. So when you sign on that bottom line, you're agreeing to everything. We had a couple on yesterday and I did something that I know appeared different to some of you. I got to a certain point in the call when I asked them each to tell me in what way they forgive themselves. I know everybody was thinking I was going to say the other person, no. Your time and I tell you the wife, she was wonderful. She was wonderful. I gave her an A plus.

5:05She immediately said that basically all paraphrase, she was a pain in the neck and bringing up stupid stuff. That's my paraphrase. She owned it. And she forgives herself for it and see what's really good about that kind of situation when you forgive yourself. Is you acknowledge the thing that requires forgiveness and usually when you do that, there's very little repetition. You forgive me for getting the wrong peanut butter. I probably get the wrong peanut butter. But if I forgive myself for being so thoughtless and not getting you the right peanut butter, I'm probably going to get you the right peanut butter after that, don't you think? Black of appreciation. That's usually the root cause of infidelity. Person doesn't feel valued and appreciated.

6:06And you've got to do that every day as I've said a million times and it's on my marital books. Every day wake up. Turn and look at your spouse and say to yourself, how can I make him her happy that they're alive and married to me? You do that every day. The person is always going to feel appreciated and the chances of infidelity you're going to become zero. And of course in this day and age, you people act like junior high school and keep your faces in your cell phones and your silly games and dumb stuff like that. And I call it dumb stuff like that and you can tell me I'm full of it and I just won't care. Life is precious. Spend it more than 15 minutes doing a video game is to me nuts. Line number 1-800-3-1-1-800-375-28-72

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