Your Reputation Isn’t Who You Are | V163

0:00for instance, on the tennis court. Among the people I've heard talk about me, I know that I'm very intense and I don't want to give away a point and I know I will never stop working hard. And for some reason that bothers them because they don't want to work hard. And it bothers them because they don't want to put in the effort and they don't like how I'm doing it too. And so my reputation to them is something that isn't aligned with my character, but I realize my reputation is only what they think I am and my character is who I really am. And my character is working hard and never stop working hard and staying true to my values, despite what they think. Because my reputation isn't me, my character is. Hello everyone, we are Greg and Jackie Francis and welcome to High Performance Parenting where our passionate goal is to encourage you to raise champion children in a crazy world. Every week we'll bring you multiple episodes from our extensive experience of raising our six. Yeah, six. Happy, healthy, successful, godly kids who are confidently equipped to win big in life. We deeply believe that any parent who is provided with the right knowledge and continual support can raise amazing kids.

1:01And when they do, all of our futures get better. If raising up future generations of absolute champions matters to you as much as it does to us, here's how you can contribute. Like and share this podcast with everyone you know and together. Let's embrace this journey of raising champion kids in a crazy world. Nice job. Get your headset on quick. Thank you. I put some myself. So we had the cameras that have obviously over here. And Chris, he had to go over there because when there's two people in one camera you have to like slide your, your roller chair over there and go over here. That's pretty good. I know the headset makes it so much cooler though. So you got to have it. I'm just saying. No, let alone you can hear through it. Yeah, it's nice. Okay. All right. So speaking of mindset books again. Is there anything in this book that challenged you heavily? I feel like every single chapter is challenging me heavily. I feel like really fighting against having a big to mind set based on the things that I haven't been able to control has been a big thing. And I feel like this is really good because you know, it's a call from Roger Federer,

2:04which is one of the greatest tennis players ever, right? And it says there's no way around the hard work and brace it. You have to put in the hours because there's always something you can improve. You have to put in a lot of sacrifice and effort for something for sometimes a little reward. But you have to know that if you put in the right effort, the reward will come. And I feel like that hit me really hard knowing that I'm putting in a lot of effort every single day for a goal that's seven months out. Right. And I'm putting in a lot of recovery and seems like it's going nowhere some days. Right. It seems like the pain still continues and whatever still continues even though I'm putting in all these efforts and I don't deserve this sometimes. Right. But then realizing everyone has to make little sacrifices. Everyone has to put in the effort. And even if it seems like there's two little reward still work at it and don't have a bad mind, don't have a bad mindset or a bad attitude about it. I feel like that was kind of challenging and I feel like I really kind of turned it around since reading that because realizing that I'm not the only one who's to struggle with stuff, not the only one who has to overcome stuff. But I can choose how I overcome it better than other people. And that's going to give me a leg up. So I feel like that was a little challenging. That's pretty cool. Yeah, I mean this whole mindset thing, we would mention this a little bit.

3:05But it's an interesting thing because you know, I feel like in our family, we pride ourselves on trying to think right and trying to not have wrong thinking interrupt our life, you know, as a culture in our family. But one thing I think that we've all discovered in whether it's been in business or whether it's been in sports, now that we're at different levels, is that as much as we are better than most people I see, we are so far from where we can go. There's just so much growth still to do. For sure, always is, right? That's what it said. There really is. I mean, and it's interesting because it's almost you have to see it properly that it's a blessing to still have more growth to do versus my gosh, I've come so far, worked so hard, and I still have so, there's still such a gap. But to me, I don't know, I just choose to see it as exciting, you know, I mean, you can't learn everything in a day, but you can for sure grow and learn something every day,

4:10you know, and it's all about, I feel like it's a big part of fulfillment, is just constantly pursuing something worthwhile. For sure. You know, which is pretty cool. And so, okay, has any of this mindset that you've been learning? Has it helped change anything in your business endeavors? For sure, yeah, and I feel like this other quote hitting you really hard, and it really reminded me of not only tennis, but other areas. It says, be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, well, your reputation is merely what other people think you are. And I realize that my character is so much more important, I've always known that. But obviously at this age and in this season, I kind of care about my reputation a little bit, I'm just going to admit it, right? Sure. And I feel like in the atmospheres I am, I don't feel like I have a very great reputation, sometimes, for instance, on the tennis court. Among the people I've heard talk about me, I know that I'm very intense, and I don't want to give away a point, and I know I will never stop working hard. And for some reason that bothers them, because they don't want to work hard,

5:13and that bothers them because they don't want to put in the effort, and they don't like how I'm doing it too. And so, my reputation to them is something that isn't aligned with my character, but I realize my reputation is only what they think I am, and my character is who I really am, and my character is working hard, and never stop working hard, and never giving up, and staying true to my values, despite what they think, because my reputation isn't me, my character is. And so building my character rather than my reputation in sports, in businesses, when I'm with other people, when I'm serving at church, not performing for them, but performing for who I could be, and performing for the character that I have. And I feel like that really hit me hard. It definitely is so freeing. For sure. You know, because otherwise you can almost base your identity around what other people do think about you, and then you're trying to cater to fit in, versus becoming the best you can be to stand out. And yeah, I know people you're talking about, it's just kind of in general, and this will be part of life.

6:13A lot of times when you're really pursuing something at a great level, then it's like you expose their lack of it. Do you know what I mean? So your hard work, they're not really triggered by your hard work. They're triggered by the fact that your hard work exposes that they're not working hard. So there's two ways they have the tallest building in town, right? Build your own up, or terror be else is down around you. And so a lot of times what people do, I don't even know if they consciously know they're doing it, they'll just naturally start picking at other people that are building themselves up, because they know that they're going to look smaller next to them. And so can I try to tear them down? You know what I mean? So they don't look as big. Yeah, okay, you got another one for me? I have so many more to add. Okay. This has been insane. So one of the things that kind of triggered me a little bit was, it has a whole chapter about the difference of teen growth and fixed-minded athlete. And I feel like, from what I've seen, I haven't exactly defined a person as growth or fixed. It depends on the different areas of their life.

7:14Right? So when I see, perhaps in my business, I feel like I will have a fixed mindset in certain areas and then be willing to get opinions from other people in other areas. When it comes to tennis, I'll have a growth mindset with some people, but a fixed mindset with some other people. And so I feel like learning the different traits of a growth-minded athlete versus a fixed-minded athlete will really define how far you can go, because fixed-minded athletes are going nowhere. But growth-minded athletes, if you choose to be, really can go a far away. And I feel like this is a quote I just appreciate. And I feel like noticing that I think I'm a growth-minded athlete and try to look at some of the areas in my life that I've been holding really tight on to and not allowing people always to get me input on it to become a fully defined growth mindset person, not an in-between. Right? Because it's kind of easy to stay there. But I feel like being willing to have a growth-minded athlete in all areas of life contributes to not only your sport, but everywhere else. It's really good. It's really good. It's like, you know, even from a parenting perspective to stay in alignment with that,

8:20you see a lot of parents, they often reward results instead of growth slash habits. Right? And it's a tricky thing because you have to play to win, because that's how you actually grow the most. But you can't only reward the fact that you got a trophy or didn't get a trophy. You know, honestly, like for instance, I was equally as proud of Abby as I was a Bella this last tournament, because they both worked really hard. And they both have really grown a lot. And they're both really, really improving in all capacities. And so somebody had to get second. They can't both get first. Well, it's all good second to your sister, right? But I was, I mean, like as a father, I really was equally as proud of both of them. Like it didn't matter who got first or second to me. It would have mattered if somebody wasn't playing hard. You know what I mean? Because now, because now you're not growing through that. So it's really important. I have a unique question for you.

9:20You probably don't expect. Am I surprised? Yeah. What, what is there about your journey right now of growing in different capacities? That you wish me and mom understood better? Wow. Okay. Jesus, please. It's old, yeah. Yeah. I feel like I naturally will take things and try to deal with them on my own. And therefore they'll get really pent up, right? For instance, it was really kind of hard. Not that I wanted to, you know, pour any kind of sadness on their rainbow, right? But it was hard watching the entire tournament and not competing. Knowing I made the best decision for myself, but not feeling that way. It almost felt like I was wimpy or chickening out in a way, but I knew I wasn't. But like obviously I've always been pushed through, doesn't matter what I'm going through, right? Just kind of go compete and bring your best and beat people anyway.

10:20But really choosing to have a season where I'm growing in skill, but also in discipline and healing my body, I feel like probably just me alone thinking that I probably still showed up, but I shouldn't have at the same time. It was kind of weird watching them go and succeed and not being part of it again. Because like obviously we've talked about like what happened at state and everything like that. And one of the things in the book said, you would try your best and still lose. And I know that we want to try our best all the time, but sometimes it kind of feels like instead of working so hard and still coming up short of an easy just to lose upfront, right? And just been like, oh well, if I had tried harder, I might have gotten it. But honestly, I know I would have regretted that, but like still knowing that I'm going to try my best. And I'm always trying my best, no matter what I'm going through, but I'm still going to lose sometimes. Has been harder for me to handle. I feel like I don't know. It's just kind of interesting that I can still put in all the hard work and do everything I possibly can and still not come up with the results I want. Because there's still things you can't control. And I feel like that's something that's been a little harder to swallow.

11:21And I probably, you know, I'm sure you guys understand that. And I think all the kids understand that and things like that. But it was a little weird watching everyone compete and not being with them, right? It kind of felt like the odd one out. And I'm excited to compete more in the future, but it was kind of interesting. But I think all the role that I've been learning had to be the best supporter and learn how to help them in everywhere I can. So it's been good. Now, it's good. And it's real. You know, that was a tough disappointment last year. I know how much you wanted to win that last match that would have got you into the state tournament. And it came down to is, you can't go any deeper than that. You know what I mean? You really can't go further than a match tiebreaker that went. What was it? 1113. 1113. You know. And, you know, but the thing was, you were not as skilled as you are now. For sure, weren't as healthy. I mean, you're out there with ankle wraps and you got a thing around your back

12:23and your stomach press so tight you can't even breathe, you know? Yeah, we were like, we were muscle saving up on muscle. Yeah. My shoulder was hurting. It's like you get to choose either breathe or, or either don't breathe and can actually maybe swing at the club or I can't swing the racket, but I could breathe, you know? You have to make these weird choices. Suffering getting myself going through a scrissing pain is not good. And I would have loved to have seen you win just because of, you know, you getting the opportunity for that as well. But you know what? It's like, you know, even though it was such a tough disappointment, I'm proud of the way that you're seeing it. Because, you know, as a parent, the last thing you ever want is your kid to internalize a loss so much that now it almost discourages you of how far you think you can go. And the reality is, it's not the case, you know? And you've been really packaging it like, you know what? I'm just going to get good enough this year where I'm not in a situation that's that close again.

13:27You know what I mean? I'm going to do my best to position myself because I'm sure that honestly it's not good. That honestly, in another month or two of you really getting back in your groove, you could be probably anybody that was in that tournament last year. You know, and so, and we got to talk about that a little bit because, you know, I want to see the aggressive grinder. I'm going to outwork and beat you in whatever way I have to beat you kind of Chrissy come out again. And I don't think you have to have fear of actually injuring yourself this year. You know, we've done a lot of unique work to get your body just functioning right. And last, you know, you've been kind of running on injuries for a long time. And it's your first, you know, we just, it's like, you know, the reality is sometimes, your body can just manage stuff and sometimes it just can't and it starts layering issues. Right, yeah, that was kind of the issue and I have been dealing with injuries my whole high school career. I feel like this upcoming tennis season is going to be my first, it's my junior year. It's going to be my first season without having injury during sports.

14:28And it's taught me a lot, but I'm definitely excited to be able to run right kind of like, you know, like everyone else in our family. So how can how can mom and I support this journey the best for you? I think you guys have been doing a great job. I want to say I think that after the season, I really had to get honest about where I was at and what I wanted to do. And honestly, it would have been really easy to let those tough stuff turn into limiting beliefs. And in a way, I felt like not playing tennis ever again, right? Because I didn't want to deal with that ever again and I want to go through that kind of hurt. And I know it kind of sounds bad at losing a tennis match is such a big deal, but it meant so much more to me than that. And I feel like you guys just did a really good job of listening and then coming up with a better game plan. Like we got more help with getting me back to normal and health wise and even helping like me deal with all this mentally. And I feel like you guys did a really good job really helping me like go through loss even while the twins have been going through. Like they made a mistake and they got to be part of that like you got to like win a match at state and all that kind of stuff. I think you did a really good balance of all that. It's tricky, you know, because you know, it's just it's just a tricky thing to navigate because I can sense your pain through it all.

15:36I can see you still have it at the same time, you know, I want to celebrate the twins. And I know you want them to be celebrated as well, but it is it's a unique dynamic. We got a lot of different situations happening around here. I love the job for you guys. Yeah, it is, but you know, that's why I think why we just all got to keep talking so much because, you know, mom and I don't have it all figured out. And so we're trying to help navigate this. You know, I'll tell you, I feel like this year, I feel like I need to push you a little more than I've ever pushed you before. And what I mean by that is like, let's go get it. Like this is a good year where you can actually let loose be aggressive. Right? We're not going to really care too much about where the results go. We're going to care about how hard you just put your effort out there because, you know, the greatest thing about last year, the greatest thing was that you will never ever have to look yourself in the mirror and wonder if you gave it your all. For sure. You will never have to worry about that.

16:37So when in like in this season, a lot of the stuff we're talking about is really, really big and it's important when you flash forward and you're an adult, you'll look back on your, on your season and your, your effort and your desire and all that work you put in and the growth you went through. You'll be so proud of yourself about all of it. It'll matter a lot more than the sting of losing that match really does fade. But the pride of how you manage yourself actually kind of grows as you get older. Like it's just, it's just interesting. I think about a lot of, I think about a lot of the different things that I was able to accomplish as far as words and stuff. But really there's more, there's more times when I lost, but I know I laid it all out there. And at the time I was distraught. Like I mean for a long time, but I look back and I'm just like, you know what, good on me, like good for, you know, so. Hey, I'm very proud of you. Thanks.

17:38Hey everyone, thanks for listening and thanks for your love and support. We hope that today's episode at a tremendous value to you and your family. It would mean so much to us if you had partnered with us on our mission of helping parents around the globe raise champion children in this crazy world. To do so, simply take a moment to like and share this podcast with everyone in your network. See you next time.