Why Should I?

Here I am sitting in the middle of the night, probably 9 PM, and I changed all the bulbs in my house to red light, so it looks a little bit like the red district, but it has really helped me change my sleeping patterns, because as soon as I turn on the lights I feel like winding down. And I am also waking up really early, so I can see the sunrise, and it just changes everything.

I’ve been wanting to stay quiet, but then there are other things that I need to process, so basically what I’m doing here is I’m going to process out loud. I’m going to process out loud and take time to process.

Two thousand twenty five has been about rewiring my nervous system. I am watching how my body reacts to everything: to light, to silence, to money, to people, to messages that arrive and to messages that never arrive. I am listening to the speed of my thoughts, the way my heart races or slows down, the way I reach for my phone or for my own breath. It is as if my whole system is learning a new pace, a new baseline of safety that lives inside my cells and not in the reactions of others.

What am I processing? I don’t know how to explain this year. It’s been the year. I’ve been saying it for a while that it’s the best year of my life. Second best is 2020 and 2021. Those years were amazing. I just empowered myself to be free, and I felt what freedom was like for real.

This one is more about: I know I’m free right now, but with 2025, 2026, it’s about having the courage to go all the way. I’m all in. I’m all in, in life, in expansion, in feeling, in being quiet, in being there for me. It’s absolutely beautiful.

On the other hand, some things, people, and situations have run their course, and I’ve done a little bit of mourning. I’ve been slow. Now that I discovered the beautiful GNM, I can understand that probably I have been mourning, my mom died in 2023, but I’ve been mourning other things too, I’m mourning my life in New York; 27 frigging years. I’m finally mourning myself within a twenty year-long marriage. I’m also mourning my father for the first time, Since I jumped into emotional detachment to protect my pain; I’m mourning a lifestyle.

When I mourned my mom, I was holding her very tight, day and night, she was with me, then Mayra, my shaman, passed at the beginning of this year, unexpected to me, but she is also very present. I have this thing that I am present with dead people. I can go back and forth. I am present in constant time. yet I know when it is time to let go. dissolve, undo, give thanks, let go…

Dissolving with soap

Today, Wednesday the tenth at 7:30 a.m., Neptune went direct at 29 degrees of Pisces. I want to speak about this, because I think I have been aligning so much with my transits that I am capable of receiving messages beforehand that help me decipher what is unfolding. Neptune entered Aries briefly on April first, then went retrograde and re-entered Pisces 10/22/25, and in that return a lot of confusion surfaced. It felt like it messed the structure I had prepared for 2025, because deeper information needed to come through, now I feel I can restructure it with more clarity.

Neptune in my second house has been dissolving old attachments to value and dissolving illusions about worth. Saturn has been traveling with Neptune, and both have been squaring my nodal axis in the fifth and eleventh houses. This has been asking me to see the patterns that shaped my creativity, my friendships, my communities, my pleasure, and my sense of contribution. It has been showing me where I needed to reclaim sovereignty over my resources and over the way I invest my energy; my old scaffolding of self worth has been dissolving so I can build something true.

At the same time, Uranus has been moving through my fourth house, and this is the key that opened the door: when Uranus entered Gemini, I felt a disruption in the foundation of my being. It felt like instability at first, but now I understand it as the revelation that my nervous system was shaped long before I had language. My system adapted to my mother’s needs, to her anxiety, to her responsibilities after my father died. I became the one who sensed the emotional climate before it shifted. I was not the oldest child, but the one chosen to support her, and the structure of my nervous system was built around managing everyone else. My mom’s gaze had been very critical, very funny at times, and when she could not get her way, it was expressed in restrained anger. I learned to adapt on a day to day basis, my scope was to measure her mood; Is she funny, or frustrated? and I would adapt, little did I know this adaptation that made me survive both as an over caring person and as a clown, would shape my nervous system, until this year when I noticed it was an adaptation, not the truth…

Uranus retrograde made the message even clearer, what I thought were emotional habits were physiological imprints, what I thought were psychological tendencies were survival strategies woven into my body. Now I feel the release of these old codes. My fourth house is being rewired from the root. My inner world is reorganizing so my body belongs to me again.

This aligns perfectly with GNM. Territory, safety, belonging, the sense of who surrounds us and what we must defend or maintain. My conflicts have always been territorial at the root. Where do I feel safe. Where do I feel invaded. Where do I place my body. What do I allow into my field. The nervous system is the first territory we inherit. It tells us what home feels like. And for me, home was vigilance. They align with my Saturn in pisces first house, Neptune in 10th house scorpio with a balsamic moon in the MC 9th house, Uranus balsamic to Pluto 7th/8th and last but not least Jupiter balsamic with the sun 3rd house taurus, everything is an ending and glimpse of a new world, even my ten 6 lines in my human design chart including my 6/2 emotional manifestor profile, I chose to intervene when needed, when not, I am waiting for the next cycle to arise.

Now the map is changing. Neptune dissolves false value as Saturn gives form to what is real, the nodes of the moon show the karmic threads in my fifth and eleventh houses, while Uranus breaks open the foundation so I can build a nervous system for the woman I am now, not the child I once was.

Numbers speak

When I bring numerology into this moment, everything becomes even clearer. The year 2025 adds to nine » Nine is closure; Nine is completion, Nine is the last exhale before the new cycle. I am a sixth. Born April twenty seven, nineteen sixty four, I am in a four year: foundation, structure, base, anchoring. As of my next birthday, I enter a five year: expansion, movement, curiosity, freedom, the work of this year has prepared the ground for the next.

A simple note on GNM. It is German New Medicine, a biological approach that studies how the body responds to shocks, how symptoms follow precise logic, how healing is not random but patterned. It observes brain, organs, psyche as one field. My mind works through observation and correlation. Patterns. Cycles. Signals. And this is where everything begins to make sense. Reading charts regulates my nervous system. Yes, you read right. Watching waves go up and down teaches me that volatility is part of life.

Realignment vs Discipline

This is why I called the part of the blog equilibrium is a process where I read financial charts, as they, believe or not, help me regulate my nervous system, It is the capacity to adapt to internal weather systems, emotional variations, expansions, contractions, shocks, silences. It is knowing how to respond; it is knowing how to return to myself.

It is about realignment and far away from being disciplined. This is what my nervous system is teaching me » with every breath I realign; every habit that became a discipline was limiting me from responding in real time.

I started with a question: why should I, why should I?

Because I want to. Because I feel like it.

The ought to’s no longer belong in my life.

Rewiring my nervous system is still in process, but it is teaching me how to live differently, how NOT to respond immediately, how to read the field, how to feel the moment: Things, situations, people that used to trigger me no longer do. Somatic work started this process, but the nervous system rewiring is even subtler. Fascia. Hypopressives. Spine. Breath. And it is no coincidence that the book I am writing is about the flexibility of those thirty three vertebrae.

Another frequency entirely: An IMPULSE TO BE

There is something important about release, because every crisis carries momentum, Neptune is in gate twenty five, Saturn is in gate thirty six, It just moved from the third line and still has to move through the fourth, the fifth, and the sixth before entering gate twenty five, where it meets Neptune (25.3 > Sensibility: The power to withstand failure and shock. The spiritual attitude which understands that innocent action is no guarantee for success yet, as well as the spiritual power to withstand shock and failure. In Shadow »The loss of innocence and the spiritual attitude through shock or misfortune, which can even lead to crime or suicide.) Gate thirty six lives in the solar plexus. It is emotional turbulence. It is crisis. It is instability as a doorway. in the Sabian symbol, A WOMAN JUST RISEN FROM THE SEA. A SEAL IS EMBRACING HER. Emergence of new forms and of the potentiality of consciousness.

Gate thirty six connects to gate thirty five: the full channel of experience, It learns through motion, it is the jack of all trades, it wants to try something new. When this channel is hanging, the system cannot find release, the emotional energy loops, the crisis loops, there is no resolution; this is where the world is right now. Trying to resolve emotional currents so they can turn into wisdom.

The thirty six - thirty five channel matures experience. It transforms chaos into meaning. It turns crises into expansion. It loops in shadow. It evolves in clarity.

This is why I do not think that on February twentieth everything will suddenly be stable. Cycles do not work that way. We are entering a phase, a long phase, reshaping and realigning us with what the universe is asking of us; this is tuning, this is remembering; this is deeper perception; another layer of awareness, another frequency entirely.

The truth is, the only way forward is alignment

On the eleventh Venus squares the nodal axis from Sagittarius. I keep thinking back to when Venus conjuncted the South Node around October third. The market moved sharply that day. Something was revealed.

Now the Moon sits on the South Node in Virgo. Identification with old forms of service, Venus in Sagittarius seeks value in truth, it wants meaning, it squares the nodes asking what needs refinement and what needs to be surrendered.

There is also the square between Mars, Juno, the Sun in Sagittarius and Saturn, Neptune, Ceres in Pisces. Action and dissolution. Fire and water. The body and the dream.

As Mars moves into Sagittarius and squares Saturn in Pisces, the fire pushes; Pisces softens, Mars wants to act, Saturn dissolves agendas, the truth is, the only way forward is alignment..

When Mars squares Neptune this week, Neptune is stationary direct at twenty nine degrees of Pisces. The last degree. The last moment in its own sign for one hundred sixty five years. The cycle completes. The veil thins. The illusion is rinsed. Desire is purified. Direction becomes clearer.

There is also the square between Chiron and retrograde Jupiter. I feel this as it sits on my natal Mars; it is the courage to go into the emotional body and upgrade the wound, when Jupiter goes direct and confronts Pluto in Aquarius by summer, the expansion meets the transformer, this point has been activated the whole 2025, with Mars, Mercury, Venus and a New Moon.

Mars in Sagittarius squaring Saturn and Neptune in Pisces belongs to a cycle that began when Mars met Saturn in Pisces in April of two thousand twenty four. Third quarter squares review, refine, distill. They remove effort that comes from fear. They reveal action that comes from confusion. They prepare the ground for the next conjunction on April ten to twelve of two thousand twenty six at zero degrees Aries. A new cycle. A clean impulse. Direction without distortion.

The nodal axis sits at sixty three line three and sixty four line three. 63» Mental pressure» Doubt » Inquiry » Truth. 64» Confusion» »Imagination » Illumination. Enlightening individual truths, how profound!

A grounding field…

Since I joined the Friends of the Truth online community, it has been amazing to witness how all this work on value and on rewiring my nervous system shows up in real time. I have noticed firsthand that my approach in the group has shifted from being automatically the caretaker to being mindful when I interact, when I share, and when I respond. I see myself more aware of not falling into automatic behavior that comes from many lifetimes and then becomes resentful. I do not want to fall into those roles. I want to keep boundaries and at the same time be joyful, share creativity, and stand in my own authenticity at all costs.

It was not a coincidence that I prepared myself in the last years to join a community full of grounded individuals, where I can fully integrate myself as I reshape the architecture of my value. I feel this working beautifully.

I am realizing how much of my survival needs were sequestering my nervous system, and now that I have shifted, it is incredible, because I no longer feel that I am surviving against somebody trying to take over my territory or that I have to over-give to someone who needs something from me. I have rebuilt my nervous system to know that I am in a safe place, that every decision I make toward my own security and my own self-care is a space of abundance, of joy, and of integrity.

My nodal axis in Cancer is showing me that the more I care for myself, the more creative I become, and the more abundant my life is. Abundance is not only monetary; it is joy, creativity, generosity; generosity only works when it includes me. If I fail myself, everything else plummets.

This is important.

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