My Renaissance

What has initiated has been taking shape as it grounds. This is Taurus season. Full moon in Scorpio on May 1st, a lunation as when I was born 62 years ago, happy solar return to me. Living with a Scorpio moon in my 9th house has made me seek for deep truth, only to realize after a long journey, that it emanates from within.

There is a particular kind of discomfort that comes with understanding that something new is emerging from within.

My body has been recording this passage sometimes as tension in the fascia, the membrane that holds water while binding muscle and bone together.

This is a beautiful membrane that is allowing fluids and flow at the same time.

It is like a breath that wants to go deeper, as it aspires within the rib cage and then slowly releasing, making space for what is new.

This is a feeling pulled in more than one direction at the same time, but the interesting thing is that the orientations are not what matters; what matters is the flow, aware, aspiring, and exhaling.

This is a new sensation of the self that has slowly been metabolized in the last years but now starts being shaped.

Even though I do not have a final definition, I can sense it in the body; it comes here first, so the threshold is here.

The discomfort I feel is how my life is composting and metabolizing itself.

It is not discomfort in the sense of pain; there is no pain, there is no emotional pain, there is no physical pain.

It is just an adjustment that has to happen on a moment-to-moment basis.

It is productive and real, and even though I am speaking words, the resolution is not in the mind or with logic.

It is more the adaptation of this flow on a moment-to-moment basis, with the body at its center.

I will say this is a Renaissance being born again from the inside out, as I carry everything that I have learned, surrendered, and lost, while none of the definitions built around it can comprehend what is transforming. I love this French word borrowed into English somewhere in the 1800s. The Italian artists who lived it first called it “rinascita,” rebirth. And yet, it was not a return to innocence. They were returning to what had always been there: the human body, the direct study of nature and anatomy. Somehow, a return to the classical forms, but seen with new eyes.

To be born again is not from nothing but from a full weight of everything already experienced. Time is teaching me to enjoy every moment, as mysterious as I can appear to others. There have been times when I went through the process of trying to explain myself, like in my first book, The Nature of My Reality, which, when read out loud, was my own echo. I realized that the mystery of my individuation was best kept as such. I did not need to explain myself to others, but I did.

I come back to the natural posture of someone whose depth cannot be compressed into a stage format, a place of performance, nor to a category that defines and limits at the same time.

It is through the experience of knowing, not knowing, and trusting the divine that allows this persona to be sensed but not grasped, like water through the fingers, what stays is the essence of the felt sense not the density of the water, fluid, flowing, gone.

Compression of that kind multiplies confusion. What is actually present is a synthesis, and a synthesis does not fit inside any container built to hold a single discipline. The process is the emergence of an insight, a poem, a reading, a vector, a color, a shape, a moment in time. A synthesis is the process of integration that begs to be lived and not to be ingested through the mind.

The new cycle is learning to trust that: acting from discernment on a moment-to-moment basis rather than from a fixed identity, allowing the creativity to be the truth rather than the explanation of it.

Right now there is a configuration in the sky called a Yod, a finger of God. Two points of concentrated pressure converge into a single apex in my chart. One point carries the plutonic energy of deep transformation of evolution happening at the level of identity itself as it rises on the Ascendant. The other carries the energy of a new face: new ways of initiating, of being supported, of communicating what I know through structure.

Both of these pressures are pointing at the same place in my chart: Uranus in Virgo in the seventh house, the planet that rules my Ascendant. The planet that governs how I meet the world and what liberates me from within it. At the same apex, the South Node of the Moon is passing through, asking what has run its course with a lot of discernment. These three together produce a sensation I discover in this body: with no pain. It is a threshold that needs to be adjusted at all times.

A lot of stuff that I have been doing last year is detaching myself from an old identity. Whether it is closing my LLCs, dropping everything that is still attached to the company I once opened with my ex after ten years of being divorced, I was still attached to it, not energetically, but it was still there for convenience. This year has been more about caring less about convenience and more about authenticity and cutting cords that are energetic and carry a weight that is unnecessary, absolutely dissolving into the past.

It has been a process of revising pretty much everything and what works and what does not work, especially with all the planets in my second house of value. I realized that what I need are basically the new resources and education I have been getting in the last ten years, and how they are serving me to establish a new field that is very different energetically from the one I was brought up with and have lived until now.

What started as an uncomfortable feeling has developed into understanding that this is the process of rebirth. Like all births, it is uncomfortable to leave one place for another. I am already on the other side of the threshold, so what I feel now is the excitement of it.

This is a time of application. For years, the oppositions in my chart have been the engine: sun opposing moon, Saturn opposing Uranus. Two poles always generating a third way, a synthesis that neither pole contains alone. That friction has been the methodology of my entire life.

Now the squares are activating and the quincunxes as well. Neither of those is for synthesis. They ask for adaptation or just movement; they ask for human action; they ask for purposeful behavior. This is the moment where everything that has been synthesized converts into something directed and real that I can grasp and I can ground myself to keep flowing.

The resources are here. They are already built: an operational system that grounds the exploration, courses and data converted and integrated into tools that make the knowledge available. A book finishing itself from the inside out.

What is asked of me right now is to trust what I have been put into motion and let it work, let it unfold naturally. The work now is to release the material into the world, not to return to its depths, to let the material generate.

Venus and Uranus meet tomorrow at the last degree of Taurus, the final point of eight years of excavating what is truly of value. The last degree of a sign carries a full weight of everything that sign has taught, distilled into its closing transmission. They meet at the foundation of my chart in the house of the roots, the family, my ancestors, who gave me an emotional body and also what made me feel safe.

They will both cross into Gemini together one day before my birthday. Uranus enters Gemini for the first time to stay after many decades, arriving in my solar return as a new era, seated at the base of everything I am building.

The flavor of Gemini is not the same as the excavation of Taurus. It is faster, more versatile, alive with connection and movement of ideas across forms. Last summer, when Uranus briefly touched Gemini, I felt it: without grounding it scatters. The work of the last year has been exactly that: building the foundation. The operational system, the tools, the courses, the synthesis made available through technology; that is a container built before the transit arrived. Low time preference applied to the life of mind. Now Uranus enters Gemini with something and somewhere to land.

In this moment of my life, there is a new rebirth. Value is a big deal. In fact, the whole book is built on that. This second book will not be an explanation; it will be an embodiment.

The timing of my becoming is the right timing because it has been developed over the course of many years. Nothing has not happened because it did not have to happen. Everything that happens and is happening, I do not want to say it is predestined, but it has been developing, and I have been able to make use of it because I have become aware of it.

To be continued. Happy birthday to me.

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