What Actually Matters

0:00Welcome to Get Big Out Loud Radio, where we explored living the complex, funny, and beautiful ride of life, with me, Carrie Knutzen and Dr. Pat on TransformationTalkRadio.com. Are your thoughts keeping you small? Are you ready to get big? I will offer you ideas to transform what you are thinking into conscious action. Learn what is keeping you small and how to shift your behaviors in order to get big. Learn what is possible for you. Get ready to get big and live life out loud starting now. Buddy, welcome. I want to welcome you to Get Big Out Loud. I'm Dr. Pat and I take this beautiful ride of life with the most incredible Carrie Knutzen now. Before you do anything, I want you to make sure you get this and of course Emily is putting this on screen for all of you. It's KnutzenSpeaks.com. That's how you get Carrie. That's how you hire a K and U T S O N Speaks.com.

1:03Why? Because she speaks like every week, like somewhere, maybe sometimes multiple times a week. And then she teaches the rest of us how to do that. Today's episode, I don't know. I don't know if what's going on is like we're on the same energy. I don't actually know how to describe it, but we're talking about what actually matters today. Happy International's Women's Day. What actually matters? What does it mean? So many of us spend years. We focus on achievement. We focus on, I don't know, sports. I won't bring that up today, Carrie. Although the Paralympics going on, go, go team, go. But I want to say, have we lost sight? That's a question I want to put out to all y'all. Have you lost sight of what really matters? By the end of this episode, I hope you hear enough from Carrie Knitson. Hear the story. Hear the journey to know that all priorities can be reset.

2:06And yes, you can do it in time. Carrie, what a great topic. Hello. Why did this one come up for you? Because I know a lot of times when you picked the topics for the day, but I'm telling you, you and I are on the same wavelength with this because this thing has been up in my face. Yeah, well, this is, I always try to write about something relevant and it's usually something in my own life. And I was thinking about what really matters, what actually matters in our lives and how sometimes we are on one track and the life will be like, whoo, like, nope, not so fast. And it made me think about it reframes for us when things happen in our lives, what actually, you know, is important, what matters. And so I started thinking of this idea of how in our lives we're so driven to achieve and the primary question is, what can I accomplish? What can I do? We're productivity-based, but it even starts before that and I think, like, pleasing our

3:06families. Like, oh, look what I did today. Look what I did. Look what I did in school. Look what degree I got. Look what job I have. Look what car I got. Look what I traveled. Look at the things I've done. And the more we get into that, the further away I think we get from what matters. And the point is, we, I think it's a hopefully developmental stage to want to achieve things like use, little kids want to, like, learn how to crawl because like, I want to go from here to there, right? And then when we're interested in studying something, we want to learn more because like, this is fascinating to me. I want to do this. And so achievement itself, you know, isn't bad. It's definitely developmental stage, but I think we get stuck in this idea of achievement culture. What can I accomplish is not what actually matters. But sometimes it's a little tricky to, I guess, suss that out because it really gets so caught up in it that I think it's important just to realize, first of all, why we are that way and not like the same ourselves, but have some insight into why do we feel like achievement

4:13is the goal, but what is the thing in us? You know, Carrie, I want to say this to you. This is an interesting thing that happened to me a while ago, but I never forgot it. I rebranded, I guess, the network to call it the positivity network in human potential or something like that, right? And I got a call from a PR person I know. You got to love our PR people, got to love them. But he said to me, you know, Dr. Pat, I'm seeing what you're doing. You're doing it again. But I'm telling you, I got, I got, I got some clients really able to talk to him. Here was the question, what would you do if you lost all this? Why did he ask you that? Mike dropped everybody. And what he was referring to was not my help. What would you do if you lost all this or basically if it went away?

5:15And that question stayed with me and helped me redirect my life. Why is that? Do you want me to answer? I do, because I want to look on your face, Carrie. I don't know if it caught that. I'm reading it out. That's important to make sure you hold, right? Because sometimes it's that Mike dropped moment where you're like, what can I accomplish and on the road to what really matters? And that kind of question reframes it like in a second. What really matters? If this all left, well, what would I do? It would matter. And then that's the human side. When we take away all the things we strive for, like the meaning and the value of people is not tied into the things we accomplish. Our inherent sense of worthiness. And so that idea is so great, like, what if this was all gone? Are you still pat? Even if the doctor pat, if you're pat, and you think about like, okay, I created this

6:16thing and I no longer have it, like, what do I have? The thing inside us, right, those things that like are so internal, and I thought those are even quieter, those things that give our life meaning. And it's usually not when we think about the big check box things, it's like, do I have relationships in my life with people I care about? Do I have a purpose that is connected to maybe some value that I have? Is work, to me, is one thing, but meaningful engagement in any activity can be fulfilling? Do I have a purpose? Do I feel like I know myself? Do I feel like I love myself? Do I feel like I enjoy spending time with myself? Do I have things in my life that I can value? Like my health? Do I have things in my life that I appreciate? Like when the flowers come up in the spring? And I take time to just appreciate it, whatever that is for you, and am I enough at the end of the day? If you take all those things away, the question comes back to us, and I feel it's more like a whisper around our worthiness, not our achievements, but our hair and like, am

7:17I okay as here, as me? Well I was in the middle of a very spiritual time in my life at the moment. I was resurrecting my spiritual practice, of course, I have 30, I don't even know how many years of sobriety I have now, 36 maybe I'm coming up on, but it was an interesting question. I'm going to tell you what I said, because this is important. The question stops being, what can I accomplish and start becoming what actually matters? For me, y'all, that question didn't get clear until I got clean and sober because anything before that is disillusionment. I mean, when you're drinking and you're using, you think you're an alien predator warrior or something, I don't know what we think. But what I said to him was smart for me, and it's the same answer today. And I said, you know what, this doesn't belong to me.

8:19Whatever this is, you're asking me about, dude, I called him dude, because I've known him a long time. He calls me dude debt. He doesn't call me doctor debt. I said, listen, this isn't mine. I signed up to do something for a greater purpose, other than myself. And I'm being driven by spirit to do that. And he just kind of stopped. He said, well, then what? And I said, here's the thing, every point in my life that I can point to when, according to your metaphor, lost everything, homeless at 17, mom commits suicide, whatever you want to put it on your chart. Because I'm on belief in a benign universe and a benevolent universe, I have always been given something better. Now to your point, sometimes, like when I lost my job, I was given myself at that point in time in my life, Kerry, lost my job 25 years, two years in sobriety.

9:20I could have thrown that thing away. I could have sat in some bar, but I wasn't given that. I got hit with the thought as my boss is ripping my badge, 66147 with my ID, ripping my badge, I still remember that, ripping my badge off my neck. And all I heard was call Columbia. Now I want you to talk about this. Where do we go? What is our life experience? Because I'm not alone. You have been through what I like to call the rough edges of the mountain climb. Exactly. Well, this is so important because what you're bringing up right now is, and I think if people listening, think about, there's certain points of our lives that there's moments like when you get, let's say, laid off, fired, divorced, a big break up, when maybe even I think sometimes, too, that we strive for an accomplishment and we get there, and I'm like, oh, I thought my whole life is going to change. And it didn't, like where it didn't feel as good as you thought or it didn't have as

10:23much meaning as you had hoped you get there, right? And that shifts like what's actually what's important, you know, or some big change in life. Some situations usually bring that to the forefront. And you just, such a good example, like newly sober, lost your job, oh my God. And then you kind of think, well, now, screw it, I'm going to go drink again, right, or whatever. Like, there's something in you that says, well, it really matters now, right? Like is my sobriety worth this blip on the screen of the job? But see, when our identity is so much about our job and our worthiness, and it's hard to be like, people take layoffs also, per se to like, oh my God, I did something wrong, even if the company's like, no, you know, we've mismanaged us and we don't have money. It's personal because we, you, you take your job person, people show up every day to do a good job, right, at their jobs. So when that's ripped away, I call that the thin veil of our reality has been lifted in a way to be like, what now? And also, who am I now? And that's why a lot of times when we have a big life moment that changes something for

11:27us, whether it is, again, a job change, a career shift, a relationship change, a health scare, whatever that thing is, it leaves us in this space of like, what now? Who am I? And I think that's a good space to just stay in a moment because it's scary a lot of times. I notice for me, like, who am I now? And I can track different times of my life when I've done that. And like, I feel like, if you can sit in that moment and tap into like, who am I now? And also my job is not my worth, my relationship is not my worth, and like kind of talk yourself out of like, you're inherent worthiness, and then recognize that things will feel different after that happens. When your bag is just taken away, when you no longer drive to work in the morning, that thing off my neck. Yeah, when they rip that thing out, no longer identified by your badge, that's what we say to when our society, hi, I'm Curie, and then I said, hi, what do you do?

12:31It's our first question. What do you do? What do you do? And we just tap into that as our value. And also did I say that whatever I said, I hope it was good enough to like make you happy right? Oh my God. I have to change my answer to that question, you know. What do you say now? Because I didn't, I don't have a great elevator speech. You got to help me with my elevator speech offline, if you don't mind. Because even now we're changing like where you go to. And I'm on the fence about this. So here we go. Here's the thing. So when this happened, this isn't, can I make a pop culture reference? You don't, I'm not going to ask you questions about it. Okay, at this time, I'm not kidding, folks, at the same time, this crazy town was happening for me, Shenato Conner, who put out one of the most incredible songs to this day. You cannot listen to nothing compares to you. You just, it's hard without crying, okay?

13:35At the same time, in October, after God's spirit told me, call Columbia, she rips up a picture to Pope. Her career was over. One action. But why did she do it? Because you know why to your point, what actually mattered to Shenato Conner was the abuse that she experienced in the Catholic Church growing up, the cover up by her mom. You know, that's what mattered to her over and above. And do you know what's happening now? Do you know what our tagline is for this year? This is why I say you must have been in my brain for the last week. So for me, I didn't come out all polyad at this year, but I came out, hope with hope. And our tagline is, if you listen to this network, if you become a host, you're going to become unmissable, unstoppable, unforgettable, and unapologetically visible.

14:41Hmm, I didn't make that up. But let's talk about this. Give us a break too. The Shenato Conner is one example. Will Smith is another, but that's not my point. What mattered to Shenato Conner was exposing the level of sexual abuse in the Catholic Church. And why did I relate to that? Because I was sexually abused in the Catholic Church at age six. No sexually and physically by nuns. So that's the first time I've ever said that on air. Look at what you did, Carrie Knutson. Wow, Dr. Pat. How did you see how did it to drop the facade of not even being a survivor of that? How did it feel to say it? We have to really speak out and we're actually moutors now. We really do. But here's what you're talking about, right? For example, this was Shenade and your own abuse, like one person saying, like you set it up perfectly.

15:41Here she has this big career. She's gone. Gone. Gone. Gone in the moment. But what actually matters versus this driving and that moment is I can't do this anymore. So she makes a political statement, right? And then that impacts you to be like someone else. I'm not alone, right? And then at the end of the day, when you think about her career, I think she just passed, right? She passed. And I wept when she passed because she was out in concert again. And by the way, since she ripped at that thing, all of the abuse and the sexual abuse and the pedophiles and all that were exposed and to the state's culture, it's done nothing about it. Right. So if you don't even talk about that, well, I didn't talk about that. But you think about her legacy and how she impacted you, but then exactly because she impacted me. Right. She impacted it. And you're in your ability to say in this moment, what matters is I don't want to not say this thing that's true about me. I don't want other kids to have to go through it. But then the next question, and I'm going to turn this back over to you because how do

16:42we begin to notice what truly holds meaning? You see, my astrologist says that because I have a moon in Capricorn and four planets, I'm a late bloomer. And so my astrology, a numerology friend says, Pat, you think you're done. You're just warming up. Now if this is what you're hearing from me, I can't wait to where I'm going to be in a month. But tell us how do we begin to notice what truly holds meaning? What truly holds meaning for you? You picked this episode. So there's got to be a few things that hit you or popped up. Definitely. Well, one of the things that hit me was, so I hurt my back recently, like badly. And it was so interesting to me that like, so for three weeks, just focusing on walking to my back issue, having to cancel events, postpone them, having to figure out how to do things virtually, asking for help with everything, and then resisting and being so mad, because

17:45I'm like, I'm just on the cusp of like, the things I want to do with my schedule, my busyness and all this stuff. And my back injury came from I got sick. And then from being so sick, my back went out and then my back went out and it forced me to stop. And part of me, I wasn't really listening to the message at first. I was like, oh no, I'm sick and now my back is out and I can't barely walk and all this stuff. And sitting there with time to not do anything, I thought kind of crept into my head. And that's why I think when we would have, what would we recognize? It's not loud. It's not like a crashing symbol moment. It sometimes sneaks in with like, I'm like, oh my gosh. My foundation represents my back and what I'm doing and my striving and my achievement, like going, going, going all the time. What am I really standing on that solid? And I feel like my busyness is tied up into my worthiness in ways that like, I didn't want to really admit, even when I talk about that stuff, like I always say you are a human

18:46being, not a human doing. And then I had a chance to really reflect on like, where are my priorities right now? What's my schedule like right now? And my body was like, you know what, you're going to take a big fat break because you are, your train has left the station and you're not listening. And at first I was so upset about my back and then over this last month, essentially, I've been so grateful because the whisper that was just, one day I think I was sitting there, it's probably crying or sadly, like, I'm so, I needed help to do everything. Ever get out of bed, help, that kind of help. Walk to the kitchen, help, right? Evily how they help you, you need putting on your pants, help, all those things, right? And to be able to say, thank God I have people in my life who will help me. Thank goodness I'm in a place where I can recover. Thank goodness I can start to think about the bigger why to what matters. And I think about all my striving and achievement and then sometimes like if your health is taken away or compromised, it kind of focuses really quick on what matters.

19:50And I think for me in that moment, this last month has kind of been the whisper that's turned into a statement that's turned into a visual. And I'll just give you one example because some of my husband would say this to me sometimes because I'm an entrepreneur, right? And some of you be talking is like, man, you're a boss, whoo, she's so mean, she's running you. Man, she says, jump, you say how high, somebody calls you, say yes, you make two gigs, three gigs worth a day. You have like, how many gigs can one person have in a week? I don't know, your boss apparently thinks you can have nine. I'm like, kill, kill, sit, I'm like, and then I'll be like, she's trying her best, okay? But it was funny because he could see it, right? He could be like, you're really pushing it. And I felt like I, part of my, I think my inner struggle has been, I think I've been hustling for my worth since I was a child. And that's how I got attention for my parents and I kind of put it back a little bit.

20:51My parents got divorced when I was eight. And my dad left and my mom was there and I had, I, I feel like from eight on when they came together was for a performance when I was in band music, choir plays, everything. That's when they both came together and I got a lot of positive attention. And then otherwise, not so much. And I think part of the seeds that were planted in me is like, in order to be seen, you have to be doing something and it better be big, it better be alive, it better be cool, it better, and I think part of me miss out on the sense of what if I don't do anything am I still worthy? Because I'm not getting attention in other parts of my life. And I traced that back to this feeling of, I think I've been hustling for a long time and I'm 54. And I think I've had different iterations of slowing down, but this back injury really caused me to reflect on the busyness of life and like what I think achievement is, how

21:53many gigs should someone do it a month? And I used to say that your past, so I talked about a hundred times a year at different events, around a hundred times a year. And I was so proud of that staff. And I was like, look at me, I talked a hundred times a year, that's like so many. And one month, I had 22 gigs, one month, that's my highest that it ever has, 22, and I felt so proud of that. That's more than like every other day, like just speaking, speaking, speaking, speaking. And I love the gigs, I love the people, I love that. But then I have to say, physically wise, is that a good thing? Or like how many gigs does it take, is a hundred enough, is 150 enough, is 25? What is the number? Why are you striving? And so I think this time for me, the reason I wrote this, like what really matters is I'm like, they, matters, I have amazing friends that showed up for me, I have an incredible family that's supporting me. I have medical professionals that are helping me. I have time to recover, and I don't want to just now go back to what was because I can't now. I've already seen the unseeable, I saw what Joe was saying the whole time.

22:56Yeah, no kidding, right? Totally. Totally. And, you know, part of that, and the part of that understanding, if you can talk about to, part of the understanding is what happened in the end, oh, they paid back double, oh, why? You know, because we don't, you know, you can have, I sometimes I can be so black and white in my thinking. And other times, I'm just all great, I'm like, gray matter, right? But Einstein said it best. You can't solve the problem at the level of problem was created. So what he's saying is, booking more speaking is not the solution, but we do. And you know, what I want to do is take a short break, but when we come back, I'm going to talk about how we look at this, how you've done it, especially through the eyes of the seasons. The other thing I want to say, and thank you for mentioning your parents, because I was very estranged from my dad, and when my dad passed, I got to spend time with my stepmom.

23:59Something that I wouldn't have ever spent, and my sisters. And my number one goal up until his passing was to make sure that when dad called and asked me how much money you have, it was first question, never asked me how you are. First question, dad's mouth, how much money you make and now. And I said to my stepmom, you know what? He's gone. I never have to prepare to answer that question again. Let's take a short break. How is your life like the seasons carry is going to walk us through that. And then what do you do when you reflect on the passing of somebody close to you? I know for me right now, I've moved back to New Jersey, and I'm reliving some of that, some of that loss here. And in the end, what do you believe? Do you believe that a setback is a message for you to quit?

25:02Or do you believe that a setback is a set up for unimaginable propositions? I don't know what show I'm in watching, unimaginable possibilities. Before we go to break, I'm watching too much of law and order S for you, before we go to break, Carrie, what is the best way for people to contact you? And also you coach people get through these life issues. How do they catch you? Yes. And this is such a beautiful part of creating your own business that I get to do more of what I love, right? And that's that I don't. And so my reach out at canutesinspeaks.com, which is on your screen. And now you can find all my presentations, I keynote my coaching opportunities and the biggest thing I want to tell is my show is coming up at the end of the month, May, sorry, March 29th in Denver. So if anyone's in Denver wants to come to the clock tower cafe, cafe, oh my gosh, clock tower cabaret in Denver, let me refocus on March 29th at six o'clock. My show ain't never met a stranger.

26:03All about our human connections is going to be playing there. And I usually do the show once or twice a year and it's such a wonderful event. So anyone listening in Denver and that information is on my website too. I love it. See, this is part of it. And I want to talk to you about it when we get back from break. You set something and I want to hold on to that like, I don't care how many teeth you all have in your mouth. You could be toothless, but I want you to hold on to this right between your teeth. I'm so excited because I'm doing something I love. Emily, let's take a short break. We'll be right back. We remember a time when you could simply form a thought and it would manifest. The harmony was forgotten, but it is returning now. The power of inspiration and awakening radio with Julia will take you on adventures through the heart and spirit exploring who we once were and how to awaken that power today.

27:07Julia studied under the guidance of wolves learning from their wisdom to master a higher frequency for new state of mind. Welcome to Master the Secrets of Manifestation, visit one true self dot com. Cut the shit. Cut the shit. Stop struggling to feel present. Stop being taken advantage of. Express how you feel and stop making choices based on what other people think. Intuition unleashed a revolution in personal liberation podcast is your go to resource for combining guidance with mental health and spirituality and solving your questions about why you can't seem to catch a break and find your true happiness. And you can find more episodes at Beck Nelson dot com, Vorslash podcast.

28:10Hey, everybody, welcome back. You're listening to get big out loud. This is Kerry Knudsen show. And as we mentioned before, I want to just reiterate, um, you're hearing us talk about life and there's a reason this is what Kerry does. She speaks and you also heard how many times she speaks. She speaks. She travels to do that. And she talks about things that actually matter not just to herself, but to the people that hire her also she has a phenomenal coaching program. So what she does is she helps people she has an emotional intelligence expert. So there's no stone that will not get on turn that's in the way of you becoming what actually matters to yourself today. That's what we're talking about. Kerry, before we jump in and really get into a few other things, again, give out the website

29:15and tell people how they can hire you for whatever they want to hire you for sure. So it's KnudsenSpeaks dot com. That's K N U T S O N speaks dot com. And on the website, you'll see keynotes, presentations, coaching, my show, which is coming up and ways to contact me. And I love it to when people contact me and say, not quite sure what we want. And then we have a conversation about how I can be most helpful because my goal is to be of service. How can I help organizations and individuals in any way not suffer or get better at something they're trying to get better at and to get the root of that. Like to me, it's so cool that I feel like my job has so much meaning for me to and I love that I get to work with people in all kinds of fields, all kinds of industry doing all kinds of things that really, you know, fills me up. Don't you love it? You know, let's get back to the topic because I get asked a lot of questions. But again, the question that I'm starting to get asked now is, aren't you tired of what

30:16you're doing? How much longer do you think you can do it? And then I turn around and say to them, why don't you go ask barbershtray sand or maybe D Wallace or maybe Shirley McLean that question? And they just stop for a minute and I said, you know what the three of us have in common? We love what we do. So let's take it away. If we lead with loving what you do, you can actually become Mary Marisie who did lose everything, who owe tens of millions of dollars and reinvented herself. Why? Look, giving up is the easy road. It really is. But when you're called from the inside, like Carrie Knutson is, you have a season and you show up for a reason. Carrie, walk us through the rest of your story.

31:16Okay. Well, what I, you know, I think of all my podcast or what's going on and the other thing I was thinking about was when we, when we start to shift in terms of like, what kind of accomplish to what actually matters? A lot of times we talked about the shift in jobs or roles or relationships or a move or something that, you know, changed something and taken away from us. But I think one of the biggest things is when someone dies. And I was thinking about this lab because I recently lost my mother over the summer and then the years ago I lost my father. So both now are gone. And I was thinking about my experiences around when someone dies and how again that I call it like the thin veil of our reality that keeps us from kind of the full picture is just lifted when something like, because we see like, does my work have meaning to my relationship? How am I spending my time with whom doing what? Like what matters becomes very clear. And I was thinking about as I was going through some of my mom's things and this also, when

32:17I was going through my dad's stuff too, like when you take away the things that the person had, they'd become these things. Like even the certificates, my dad had studied in Norway, I'd want to say seven times to get his full credentialing to teach Norwegian and taking all these hard classes. And he had framed all his certificates on the wall and he was so proud of them. And as I was taking them off the wall, I thought, what happens to these certificates? Because he's not long after they have no meaning. And it's interesting. The same thing my mom had a huge library. And as I was going through the books and looking through them, these gave her so much meaning and she used them in her own practice as a therapist. And I was looking to them, what happens now that she's not only here, what do they have the meaning? Right? And my dad, my mom and dad's life, when you take away the things, you're up at the person, right? And you take away the achievements when they're gone. You have like, what did their life mean? And you think about their contributions and what they gave and what they did at the end

33:17of the day, what was important about their lives and what remains, because all the things go away. So then just what remains is your memory of them or how you felt about them. But I was thinking about this idea of when someone we love dies, it's hard to go back to real life. And I think sometimes you're like, well, how is the world going on? How are people honking their horns and being upset about whatever, when someone is gone from this world that we love? And I think that just is such an interesting, for me, a kind of marker where there will be your life before this experience and then your life after this experience. And you can't quite see things the same way again. Sometimes the things you're upset about don't matter. Or like, I remember from me going into my job the first day, after my father passed and that was working in a school as a counselor, and I couldn't do it. I couldn't, I wasn't ready yet. And this is the thing about me.

34:18I just tried to go back to normal too fast and I had to be like, I can't be here right now because nothing is as important. Like I couldn't function. I couldn't focus. And then when my mom passed, I was thinking of this idea of like, who was she to me, who was she to other people, what really mattered about her life, her role of my sister, like you know, complicated relationship things that at the end of the day, did you have love, did you care about other people, did you try, like, and I think two things can be true at once. People hurt us and they love us. People tried their best and made it so wasn't good enough. But you can still see them, even to me, like not as my mother as a person who had a journey to her life and made some decisions and choices and how that influenced me, right? And how the seeds were planted though early for me about what it means to what my values are, what it means to get attention, what am I, because of that, and in spite of, right?

35:21So I think the thin, I call it the thin veil of reality that kind of lifts up and you get a glimpse of like, we are all going to die at some point. And that helps us think, well, how am I spending my time now? Because when you're that close to death, you're like, oh my gosh, what am I doing with my time? Because it is limited. And that's kind of a beautiful thing, hopefully not a scary thing, but a motivational thing in a way to think about am I spending time on what matters or am I trying to check the boxes of my societal accomplishments? And then you say to what end, because this is where it all goes, so do you want to enjoy the ride? Do you want to contribute, make meaningful relationships, work meaningful, a job and meaningful work or two different things? You don't have to have a J.O.B. job to do meaningful work. It could be how you tend to your garden, how you love your neighbors, how you treat a child, how you volunteer, how you cook something. If you paint a beautiful picture, it's not the thing itself, it's not.

36:22And so like if you work or don't work, that to me is not the thing, what am I doing that brings meaning to my life? And that's what I've been, of course, thinking about my time in bed for my three weeks. And then with the last of my mom recently, these two events really made me think about what matters. And I feel like in my own life, I'm really trying to pay attention to the messages around like this idea, so that I can start to live what really matters. And I can start to more embody that in my own life and not just talk about it, but also to live it in a way that it's congruent and not slip back into my achievement. Like the honesty too, I looked at my calendar from a few months ago, and I have these green dots that I put on every day, I still have the old fashioned calendar that I love where I write everything down. And I put a little green dot to make sure I'm prepared for the gig and know that I have to be ready that day. And I looked at one of my calendar pages, full of these green dots, full of these notes,

37:25and I thought, who is that girl? Did anyone say, is anyone going to give her a prize or say, good job, or like, she going to get some big reward? What's the reward for all this striving? And I looked at myself and I thought to myself, and I know I'm me right now, but I thought, who was this girl? But did she think that she was doing, is this what you're trying to prove? And the fact that no one's given us a word or cut this out, well, how are you going to chop that? And so I just looked at that calendar page in a totally different way before I would have felt some pride for how many green dots I could put in a month. And now, I felt kind of sad for like, why did I think I had to do that, you know? And also, what would I take from that lesson to move me forward, so as I'm putting my new calendar page together, how many green dots is enough, Carrie, right? How much time do you need? And also the idea of the reality of like, I don't have to connect myself to my chief or speaking to feel good about myself, to feel worthy, to feel important, to feel productive.

38:35Is it enough? You know, is it enough? Am I enough? And that's the question you have to ask ourselves and get really comfortable to finally say, yes, from a place of confidence, not confidence, but confidence. Yeah. You know, I'm getting interviewed these days a little bit here and there, and I expect that's going to be a building up soon and I'll be speaking soon, but I did get a question. And somebody asked me, they said, Pat, we know your answer, you're going to say none. But if you could reflect back, what is a mistake that you recognize you made and you reversed it? I said, that's easy. The mistake, if I have to use that word that I recognized and reversed, was that what I'm doing for a living now is a job. It's not. If you go back in my life and you look at spirit, everything in my life, Catholic boarding school, homeless, suicide of the mom, getting into doctor program, AT&T, if you look at

39:37all of that, it has prepared me by giving me now in this world today a gift I never thought I would have a gift to come out in the world, be a spokesperson for positivity and human potential and then build something so other people can come out and help other people. See, and I said to him, I said, it isn't about that. And he quoted that I'm coming up on 10,000 episodes in my life and I didn't even know how we calculate that. I said, that's great. We could probably do some celebration about that. What I celebrate every day is that I'm here and I'm in service and in service of helping other people, whether it's sponsoring somebody that's an addict or an alcoholic or somebody that's through rough patch of time or an organization that has clearly lost their way. That's what I'm here in order to do. It's not a job. It's a gift and a blessing. That was the greatest pivot in my life when it comes to quote, would you say at the beginning

40:41what I do now want to want to plan and they asked me what I do. What I say is I play championship ping pong. That's what I say because I don't have a good, elevated speech. But you know, part of this carry, if you would, let's continue this because that was an aha moment for me and I've been getting those recently regularly. I think you know I moved to New Jersey back to New Jersey and of course I get the little snotty comments from people who don't know that I grew up here. And when I have to explain it, I stumble on my words. I was called to come back here for reasons I've yet to learn. Yes. And the reasons that are hard to articulate but the knowing, the knowing is there, right? But that's an interesting thing to say when people ask me, notice those external forces. Do I say something that's okay for this person? So this person will understand is it okay if I talk like it's like performative, right?

41:42Is it a good answer for you or are you going to like what I say? And then sometimes we get cut up into what other people think all the time. It's a human nature. Like, is it good enough from Seattle to New Jersey? Why that? You know, like, they don't know your story and also I love that you say, I don't even know how to articulate but I know I've been called. That to me is intuition. That to me so sit with it for a bit. And notice in our culture, go, go, do, do, figure it out, have an answer, question answer. And sometimes it's the refinement of like, I'm going to sit in this space till it comes to me. And I actually have to have the perfect answer right now because it's not formulated yet but I'm trusting my gut or I'm going where I need to be or like I have an interesting experience too. And I got a degree, I got a master's degree in higher education administration was working at Harvard Medical School, wanted to be a dean, wanted all those things right was really proud of myself undergrad grad, got a job at Harvard, check out the boxes, I was like

42:43so proud right. And then all of a sudden as I was working with students one more Harvard I was like, I think I should be a therapist because I was doing all seven student affairs and I was really connecting with these students and I was like, oh my god. And at the same time I met a deaf person who worked at Harvard named Frank who was setting up an ASL class for his division, the AV division and they only had nine people and Harvard wouldn't pay unless they had 10. So Frank's like, come be in this class, you don't even have to pay attention. Just sit down, sit your button, eat your lunch, read a book, I don't care, Harvard needs 10 people, you're number 10, but you know what happened because in that sign language class I became fascinated with sign language and as something I didn't know about and I'm 28 realizing I don't want to be in higher ed and be a dean. I think I should be a therapist and I should learn sign language. And then I was like, I'm going to go to school for the deaf called Gallaudet and I'm rolling grad school for counseling and everybody's like, you have this life. And all I can tell you Dr. Eves intuition was like, nope, this is and everyone's like,

43:47you already have a degree, you already, what are you doing? What are you throwing away? And I couldn't say what I could say now because I had to have the experience first and you know what I knew on this side of it, moving, leaving Harvard, getting another grad degree, changing my trajectory, my career, learning and entirely new language. I found the rest of myself on this side. I wasn't fully expressed yet and this experience, now I know why I did all that, to find the rest of myself that part of me that was, you know, like needed this whole experience, but I couldn't say it on this side. But notice when people ask, what do you do that? What's going on with this? But we feel the need to prove ourselves to have an answer and that waiting to me, that pausing is so violent, but I don't know, it's coming to me if I'm following my intuition or right now, this is why, whatever, but even who, what are they going to do with that information? Right, but yet we take it like I better prove myself, I better have my answer and you're

44:52so good. Nobody knows your story about why you moved to New Jersey and you don't know the full story yet. No, no. I just know that when I'm called to do something, if I follow good orderly instructions, everything falls into place, but I do want to talk to you about something and our next episode, I don't know how we frame it, it should be called the doing. Everybody is talking about being, I want to talk about the doing, but I want to talk about this because I moved in December and it was very important for me to move in that season. And you talk about the seasons and I looked up the way you look at the winter, you call it depth, connection, wisdom, contribution, more important than achievement. And I think that's what I was going through, not to mention, we were ending up a nine year, but we do go through seasons. And so I was asked, what kind of campaign am I going to put together for a spring? And I changed it, haven't told my team yet because I read the way you talk about spring. Things are seasonal, aren't they?

45:53Even if they're not outside, but within us within us, yes. And so I'll bring that up now because the reason I wrote about seasons, because it's so easy to relate, we know the seasons externally and how they change even our stereotypes of them. But I like to think about what season am I in, maybe in life or in a moment and think about the seasons as ways to describe what's internally going on. And so let me, I wrote it down, sorry, I said it, I'm sorry, exactly the right way, but I said, I think sometimes if you're in spring, it's the possibility season. It's exploring who you are. It's what's possible for you. And I think about spring, like the flowers are coming up and being like, hey, I'm going to start blooming now, right? And the birds are laying their eggs, like all the things in spring are around possibility. And sometimes we're really thinking about what's possible for me, right? Like, and we're exploring our options and there's that newness or excitement or that hope. And then summer, to me, I feel like is when we build things, we strive, we achieve the summer. It's easy to get around, it's easy to do things.

46:55There's a freeness to it. There's a drive in the summer that I think helps us like, freer, our clothing is freer. Like how we show up in the striving, we can do things in that way. So that's how I think about summer. And then I think about fall as like reflection and letting go of things that no longer fit. And I always think about this when I see a tree. Lose its leaves, which means not mourning the loss of the leaves. It's part of the cycle. So it can do the cycle again. But we sometimes when we lose things, we cling so tightly to those things. And I think that's the kind of the least we lose and we gain. We shift and we grow like all these things change. And so I think of the fall as that reflection time. And I think the quieter time, but also can I let some things go with grace. That's exactly my life. Can I let go with grace like the trees and their leaves? They let them go with grace, right? And then I think about wintering.

47:55And this is what I think the depth, meaning and connection. And I think because winter, when you think about going into yourself, finding like even physically, you know, like you have to bundle up if you're, well, Colorado didn't get it this year, but you guys did on the East Coast, right? But you bundle up, you go deep, you're trying to connect slower. It's slower. It's more meaningful. We take time for things. There's a lot of celebrations in the winter months. We come together with people that we love and we don't. They take time off work, right? We like, so the wintering season to me is that like I, and I think that's what I happened to me this month was I really had to make some connections and slow down to make them. Again, I think you can maybe in your, in your career, you feel like you're in one season personally, you feel like another, but I kind of feel like we are people more than we are our profession. So we have to think what, what a season I'm in for me and how that affects

48:56the work you're doing, the way you're contributing or the way you're serving your purpose, whatever that is. So I, when people ask, do I do this personally and professionally? I'm like, do it as a person. You are a person showing up to everything in your life. So, and I love that you said, when you think about where you are, if you can use the metaphor for season, sometimes it's helpful. It is a little bit. People say to me, now, you got to be kidding. Jersey had the worst snow weather. And I just, I was telling somebody the other day, it's real simple for me. I loved it. I needed to be indoors. I needed to see that beauty. But here to your point, Carrie, we walked outside yesterday and there's still snow in the ground. But out of Linda's garden, were these little, little flowers that were getting ready to pop up. And so we're walking around and I kept saying, well, what do you think that is? And what do you think that is? Linda says, I don't know what that is because you can't tell. And she said, but I think these are irises. And I said, I love surprises.

49:57Carrie, thank you for today. Again, personal message, please give us your website. You are an expert in helping people revolve themselves and evolve themselves around whatever season is within sight of them. How do we work with you? Guess you go to canutesandspeaks.com, K-N-U-T-S-O-N speaks.com and connect with me. There's a connect with the page. Just send me an email and then we'll start talking. And the last thing I want to leave when I wrote it out because I want to make sure I set it right when you think about like what actually matters versus like one of my achieving the next thing that I feel like, what is meaning? So this is what I said, meaningful life isn't measured by what we achieve, but by what we choose to care about and by asking ourselves what actually matters. And then having the courage to live the answer, having the courage to live the answer because you can say, what am I achieving versus what actually matters? And then once you know what actually matters, so the next month I can't come on here

50:58and get my calendars filled up again and I'm all stressed out. Like, how do I have the courage to make the changes? I know I need to make that actually set my foundation up for the long run and a stronger way instead of chasing my green dots of achievement. Like, how do I have the courage to live the answer? But when you think about what actually matters and you know that, the last thing is have the courage to live it. And that's the message I want to make sure to give. That's going to be our next episode right there. That is absolutely because this is the message. Carrie Knudsen, everybody on Dr. Pat and for those of you out there, you know, look, it doesn't matter what you've been through in life. And we all get stuck, but I have help. I don't do this alone and I have multiple coaches. And I just want to say to Woller, you please don't do this alone. That's why Carrie Knudsen is here. Please reach out. You don't even have to know the question.

51:59Just get on a call. Carrie will help you discover stepping to the world of exploration this spring. We'll see you next time. Thanks, Dr. Pat. Boom. You have been listening to Get Big Out Loud Radio, where we explore the complex, funny and beautiful ride of life with me, Carrie Knudsen, joining Dr. Pat live every second Monday at 10 a.m. Pacific on TransformationTalkRadio.com. I will help you to know which thoughts are keeping you small in order for you to get big, get big and live your life out loud. For more information, visit KnudsenSpeaks.com.