We can't all be geese!

0:00This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever think about switching insurance companies to see if you could save some cash? Progressive makes it easy to see if you could save when you bundle your home and auto policies. Try it at Progressive.com. Progressive casualty insurance company and affiliates. Potential savings will vary, not available in all states. It's Mike Furman back on the podcast after a summer. Hey, hey, last time I was here, I don't remember. It was at April 20th. In your house, I don't know, probably this morning, right?

1:01How are we going? You mean on the podcast. It's been a minute because I was doing the AMC ones. That was weekly. As soon as we hit a part, we're in the middle of the cycle on that, I went back to every other week because that's a much more comfortable pace for me. Yeah. Understood. Well, if any of your listeners out there had me as the next guest on their polymarket betting cash money for you right there, that's right. I'm sorry, Mike. Was that a tambourine on a stick? That was a tiny tambourine on a stick. I met that stage. That is a... You've always been at that stage. I've known you for 35 years. That's true. I feel like you've had that since I've known you. It's damn. That's 100% true, unfortunately, for almost everybody. We were talking off-mic before and you said, what are the little metal discs called in a

2:06tambourine? Yeah. Because they're in pairs and they seem to be very specific. They're not bells. I went to the internet and I looked it up, Mike. They are called either jingles or zills. There it is. Zills. Zills. Zills. Endless, really fun to say. Zills. Which actually is almost onomatopoeic, right? It's kind of zills. Zills. Zills. If you say it. Zills a whole bunch of times, you're going to do something of a tambourine impression. Zills. We also realized it could very well be related to the company, Zilgin. Yes, we assume that there was a common ancestor but I just didn't go back to the internet even though it's surprisingly at our fingertips at all times to find out what that linguistic connection is. Also, by the way, I think we made jokes about how little tambourine, how zills are basically just turbo sequins and that you could, if you blew up the sequins on a sequin jacket,

3:09let's say, could just be a bunch of little tambourine zills. Yeah. But by the way, I think jingles is not a great one because we have these. But those are jingle bells. I know, but that's if you have a thing that has the word jingle in it and there are two names for a thing, I think the one you use is the one that doesn't associate with another thing. Even though they are pretty much the same thing, they're just curved around and made into a circle version. The important thing is there are so many little knickknacks, musical knickknacks in your studio. You could probably do an episode off each one of them and just sort of go back and forth about what their history is, where they come from. I have our original mousse call from the mousse lodge song, which is where it is. Mousse lodge is a song that we did many years ago.

4:13Mike, I'm not saying this would be funny. It wouldn't be funny if it literally happened. But if you did that and a mousse just came plowing through your wall and took you out. 100%. It wouldn't be funny. I'm not saying because I love you and I would miss you. But the bugs fun hat all would be like, but what you have to, you'd have to be happy for me that they're part of the you would be like, but what a way to go. If you knew Mike, you know that just randomly pulling out a mousse call in his studio in Southern California and then a mousse just a random mousse just coming through. That's how we used to play pool games. That is going down to the eight ball. We got it. We went into, if there were no other balls, it was just the eight ball. It would get into mega cool shot. You did not have to call the shot. It's just you had to whack the cue ball as hard as you could.

5:13And if it went in as long as it looked cool, then it would then you would win. And if even one of us was unsure if it was cool, if one of us is like, hey, and the other one's like, then nope, nope, that's not it. It has to both be like, oh, you know when it's cool. Yeah, you know when it's cool. Yeah, yeah, you're questioning it. No. So you and you and I can only. By the way, I only hope that I have a mega cool exit from this point of existence. Exactly. Me doing me doing this in a soundproof room and a moose, a moose coming in and taking me out. That you can't ask for something because my last moment's not to mention every kind of wants to see a moose up close. Sure. So I didn't I didn't do anything stupid. I didn't do anything like, don't go over to that moose. I'm like, whoa, okay. And then get killed by a moose. That's a dumb way to go. I regret my she wouldn't try to take a selfie with me. We weren't trying to ride it's antlers. You were literally. You can't fault me.

6:14I've done like my job of like play a moose call in the silent room. But also I get the fun of like, oh my god, is that it? And then I don't have any more thoughts. That's it. Then I'm like outside of time and I, you know, I come back to something else and someday I see a moose and go, God, that feels weird. What does that remind me of? Anyway, I'll never forget Mike's last words. Rrrrrrr. And then you. That's cool. And then and then a moose attack. He was speaking in moose. I forgot to mention his last words were in moose. That's a very, yeah, it's a very Nickelodeon. Like it's a very grown up, like R rated Nickelodeon to like if you do a moose call, a moose comes out of nowhere and kills you. I mean, it is it is kind of a, it is kind of a Wiley Coyote. And you can't do that on television that way. And you can't do that on television. I am kind of, I'm very excited to see Coyote versus Zachary. I have a, wait, what? Coyote versus Zachary? I didn't know this is a thing. How did this escape? You're like, I say this as the person who has fallen so out of touch with anything and

7:18everything that's going on as a parent. Is it a kid thing? Is it? No, so, a handful of years ago, this lawsuit, it's a hybrid animated, it's a Warner Brothers animated and it's like a Roger Rabbit but with Wiley Coyote and will forays in it and John Cena and a bunch of people. And basically, it's, he's, Sue's acne. Oh, my God. So it was, there was this, there was a whole drama around it because I think they, Warner Brothers like just shelved the movie to save money in some way. Yeah. And so they were just not going to release it. Which they're on, it's since that's how Coyote, since Roadrunner came about to save money. So it's finally going to come out and it's like, it's got an insanely high rot in tomato score. People love the movie and it is that kind of thing of like they probably would have loved

8:18it before but now there's this like groundswell of support because ironically it back, the acne of it all backfired against Wiley Coyote. And so now you're like rooting for it. So yeah, so it looks amazing and it is probably the clue. I don't, I haven't really seen anything about it other than the trailer, but I feel like it's as close to like a Roger Rabbit style film than we've had. Well, I mean, I guess it's like, it's like, it's like CG and it's like it's the animated characters anyway. So yeah, so I'm very excited to see Coyote versus Zach. So I mean, you can see my background now are these are artistic interp, I wish I could remember the artists and I apologize that I, but there are artistic interpretations of acne ads. No. Yeah, so there's the Anvil, there's the tornado kit, there's the magnet, there's the rocket

9:19unicycle, the high speed tonic and the, you know, the classic Warner Brothers dynamite sticks. No way. Yeah, so I've I've never seen those with those up when I was there last. Yeah, these have been up for forever. Oh my God, I got to start paying attention to me and things around me. Why don't you pay attention to my background more? But the things that are behind me, you know why? Because there's a bright red piano in front of them. So your eye, that's true. That's true. If you were betting that the, why the, why the coyote versus acme was not going to come out. Oh, no, wait, you lose. Oh, that's a, I don't know. You know what, this is the win. And this is the lose. I do think it's important for people to understand that you were doing actual, fully work. And none of these are, you know, hacky, this, I'm, I'm the guy from Good Morning Vietnam,

10:19who's got the, oh, the guy that Robin Williams replaces the slide whistle. Yeah, yeah, but I'm self, but I'm, but I'm self aware. That might have been brutal Kirby. I have not seen the. Okay. Yeah, that is, I was trying to remember his name and his name. And by the way, you know what else I have in here? These probably expired in, what do we got here? Look at it. This is a jar of pills that expired in January, February, March, April, May. Can you remember what number may is? What do you mean? What number? Like what? I can never remember. What month? It's five. I don't know. I can't commit that to memory. I can't. There is something, you know, it is, it's like teeth on gears and they're the may gear has something lodged in it so that the other one goes clunk and it won't. I can never just go like I can go. Oh, October 10th. That's it. Easy.

11:20No, remember the 11th one. I love that someone go, Mike. What's April 4? What's June 6? What's May? I can't. I just don't. No, it doesn't make any sense, but I can't do it. Anyway, these are, these expired in May of 2016. It is a jar of, or a little, you know, bottle of vitamin D's and I keep them so that I can do this. Yeah, you have them as a shaker. Yeah. You probably took, it looks like you maybe took a few of them like 10 years ago or so and then left just enough in like three quarters full so that it was a good, it had the right, so right size and it has a good shake to it. It's bright yellow. If you now look like, if you could see this, I am full blown doing a commercial now. I'm holding it up like an ad. If you see them, they are gold. They're golden and they look like a special effect. Like they're really beautiful. But yeah, I don't know what happens if you take a vitamin D from 11 years ago.

12:20Well, maybe let's not find out. Also maybe tape it up so that no one actually wanders in and goes, oh, I like vitamin D. I've heard you need that. I don't know what this bottle is doing in here, but you know what? Does anybody like it? I say yes to vitamin D. What? Does anybody like vitamin D? I don't know if they like it, but they lack it because vitamin D levels go down. Oh, and you know what? These being kind of gold look like sunlight. Yeah, interesting. And here's a question. Why don't we take ATP? Oh, a Dinesden triphosphate. Yeah, that's the one. As opposed to what do we take ADP security? That's right. Yeah. I'm not taking my ATP seriously. Chris and Mike, we dare you to follow us. We dare you to follow every random train of thoughts. Can you keep up? Because we barely can.

13:21You know, this is where I find out that I was trying to find the transcripts to our early episodes so that I could search to them, make sure that I don't. I wanted to refresh on what have I talked about before so that I don't repeat myself. And so trying to do that, it won't let you copy and paste from Spotify or from Apple. And I think if I, I bet if I went to other episodes, you probably can, but it's ours. That's the ones that I'm on where it's like, nobody needs to. Well, you probably could just drag it into. No, you can't drag it. That's the thing. Oh, there's no dragging. Oh, you mean the audio? I mean, I could give you the video link from the zoom and then you could just drag it into Premiere. Premiere would probably like auto caption it. I don't know. Or I could download the episode, you know, onto my thing and then put it through. Anyway, but the point is I'm guessing that these are chosen by your computer to not be followable. I don't know. You know what?

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15:22It's Bill Split. So if you're out to dinner with the group of folks and everyone's trying to figure out like what is, who had what and how to divide it up. You just scan the receipt. Everyone claims what they got and then settles up. There's just no separate app needed. Get your own money story with Monarch. Use the code Hardwick at monarch.com, M-O-N-A-R-C-H. To get your first year of Monarch Core, half off at just $50. That's 50% off your first year at monarch.com with the code Hardwick. Thank you to Monarch for sponsoring this segment. If I think you're overthinking it, already in progress. I had a realization in watching a film that I've seen 150 times that I can feel that I'm getting older because of something that I noticed in the movie. I mean, there are a lot of ways I feel like I'm getting older, but this really, I was like, oh my god, are you fucking kidding me? Can I guess which one it is? Sure, you can take it. Yes. Is it my dinner with Andre?

16:25It was not my dinner with Andre. I was watching Total Recall very close. I'm very close to my dinner with Andre. My dinner with Total Recall is like my dinner with Andre on Mars. My dinner with Arnold. So if you thought I was going to do an impression, you just won. It's a thousand zils. I a thousand dollar zils. So Mike, I was watching the movie last night before I was getting ready to go to sleep. There obviously a lot of crazy stuff happens in Total Recall. Also I did a deep dive to find out, like I just assumed that it was all real. And I think according to what I've seen on the internet, which- The film did on Earth. To save money. No, they filmed it on Pluto because it's not a planet anymore.

17:27So it's way cheaper to film there. Yeah, the tax credits. It lost. The government on Pluto. They left shortly after the initial release of Total Recall. Shortly after and reshot it on Pluto. Yeah. It was Pluto for Mars. No, they shot it. Sorry. That was the wrong joke. They left shortly after Terminator and shot it. And then that would have fit the timeline roughly. But so according, I think they're leaning, and this kind of room, the film for me a little bit, that it's not real, that he actually is lobotomized in Recall. And he basically has a skitzoid embolism. Oh. I'm still going to lean in the fact that it did all happen that he was a- What do you think- what makes you think that it is real and not the vacation thing? Because I don't like resetting timelines.

18:31Really? I don't like this because it's crazy. It's like, well, the way we watch this whole fucking thing, you know? I mean, I guess it's- I guess to a degree, Total Recall would not be dissimilar to like Jacob's ladder in that sense where it's like, oh, you- these are all the things that play out in moments before someone- Brain death. Yeah. So, but- Holy crap, is that a moose in my studio? That's kind of moments. By moose- I think. Christine from UKTD, that on television? That's right. Hey. Um. I don't know. And then slime dumps on my head. But here's why I feel like super middle age when I was watching Total Recall. Because in the- in the very beginning of the movie, do you remember he's at work? It's in the very beginning when he's like, he- he tells him he thinks he's thinking to go into recall. Have you heard of anything? Yeah. He's like, yeah, friend of mine almost got himself the bottom of my- don't fuck with your brain, man. You know, remember that little scene?

19:31Not really, but I believe you. Okay, so in the beginning of the movie, he's at work. And they're basically working on some sort of a- like a quarry. And they have jackhammers. And there's like jackhammering and he stops the jackhammer to ask him, hey, if you heard a recall, no ear protection. No one has ear protection. They're just jackhammering with zero ear protection. But like, what are you guys doing? The tinnitus. What are you doing? But they have tiny ear protection inside. By the future, we don't have big things sticking out. Oh, there you go. Like, so you think if we could create a society on Mars, then there's probably like- Somebody made a small ear plug. Okay, all right. That actually makes that a lot better for me. Oh, that's the movie I could totally buy. That was the one part where it all fell apart for me. Maybe they made ear coverings, you know, that look like ears. So he actually- what you think are his ears are actually ear coverings. That's what an ear pod should be. Yeah. That's a great idea.

20:31That is a fantastic idea. Mike, please go do that and make a billion dollars. Hang on. Okay. Done. You can't- I don't know if I sent you a photo of this, but Lydia got for me as our- because we had our 10th anniversary in August. Good. And I'm staring at it now. You can't see it's on the other side of the laptop, but it is a- a vintage super kick ass keyboard. One that Lydia's dad had. He has a small music studio at their home in New York. And I would play it and Dimitri would play it. I was like, man, I love this keyboard. I would say it's probably like a- you know, 25 years ago, like a top of the line. It's a Roland Phantom G6. And it is a behemoth of a keyboard. It is so freaking cool. And it's got a big color screen on it. And you can do- it's not a touch screen, but you can just do- you can program in all these orchestrations.

21:31And it's- it is so incredible. And I was so excited to tell you about it. I don't know how I'm going to begin to learn how to use it. I really- because it is like a you go under the hood and build sounds and- Like an actual- is it a- it's a synthesizer? It's a synthesizer. Like does not have an external speaker, so you have to hook it up to a- to an amplifier and- For listeners who might not know, different screen a synthesizer and a keyboard. Yeah. Synthesizers create the sound. Keyboards play back a- a digital recording of it. So synthesizers actually taking the- I get an oscillates. It actually creates a- And you can manipulate- Zzzz- And all that kind of stuff. So you're synthesizing a sound. No thanks, nerd. After I just went on a rant, I'm told to recall. And then one runs through your-

22:32You know, it's easy to make fun of like morning radio shows, Zzzz- And then you have effects until you do it and it's fucking funny. I don't know what to say. It's fun to reach for. I shouldn't do it. All right, I'm going to cut myself up. Now that you say that, you're right. No, please. Please don't stop. I loved it. No, sorry. I'll say I'll just write down things that I would have done it for. And then when we're done and we hang up, I'll just get them all out at once. I'll just- It's- And then you- Then my lower Eli's going to be in the house and they're going to hear in their go- Dad's- He's going to do a sound effect thing. He's just going to get out of his system. Dad's feeling hacky. Do all this stuff before he gets up. They bring friends over and they immediately just like make them turn around and leave. Like this is too embarrassing. We just can't. Please. Please, we just can't. We just can't do this. So are you going to- Do you have a plan for that keyboard? Well, I have to learn how to use it on an even basic level. Yeah. Because it is a professional- It is a-

23:32You really, really need to know what you're doing with this thing. It is- But it is gorgeous and it sounds amazing. And you can customize all these different sounds and it just has like libraries of things that you can build. Nice. By the way, I don't know that keyboard. So if there's anybody who's starting to type, actually that's not the kind of keyboard that Mike described. I don't know. So just in case they're like, you're thinking of a MoG or an ARP 26. I don't- Yes, I'm sure- You know, I'm sure the thousands of synthesizer nerds who are listening are- Yeah. Now when they go, are they typing that on their keyboards or is that a synthesizer? It's amazing. Because I don't- It depends if they're synthesizing their- Patriot for your comments. That's why I'm- I am preemptively responding. I'm going to do all my replies up front and then you can hate on the other one. I'm going to make fun of myself first to take the power away from you. Yeah, first comment right here.

24:33Yeah, I am stupid. How do you like that? Yeah. It's the- it's the eight mile. Oh, by the way, how was Dragoncon? Oh, Dragoncon was great. So many M&Ms. So many costumes- No, this one. But it was great. Dragoncon was awesome. Have you been to the Dragoncon? Not in a while. Like not- not post-pandemic, I haven't been. Yeah. It is, yeah, it's like five hotels that are three at least, that are all- It's just one giant, giant Halloween party. Like it's the costuming that it's crazy, crazy costuming. I mean, like it's an incredible cosplay con. Incredible. Yeah. It's been so much time like the detail. Oh, yeah. It's so impressive. Oh, yeah, they do a parade down through Atlanta because the costumes are so good. It's worth like showing them all out there. Yeah. But there was one thing though where I was- that is difficult.

25:33And that is there in these hotels like in the- the Marriott and the Hyatt and the Hilton and there- these enormous 47 floor hotels and so the lines to get to the elevators are crazy. Like you have to plan ahead. I wanted to get up to a floor and it took me no less than because I also got on the wrong one first because there are some that go to like levels one through ten. And so I'm the good ten through twenty ten. Anyway, I got the wrong one, went back and forth and back. Half an hour- no, 45 minutes. It took to get up there. But you know what I was thinking about? Here I am in line with all these people with wings and jet packs and capes and yet we're all just waiting for the elevator. Wouldn't that- it would just be courteous to just use the jet pack to get up to your room, right? And let the non-jet pack or winged folks take the elevator with the rest of the earthbounds. Yeah. There should be- there should be spiders man crawling up the railings. I really need to compliment you on your correct use of the plural.

26:37Thank you. As opposed to spider men. No. No. There were spiders man and dead- The actual- The actual- And deads pool. Super's man. Yeah. Soops are man. Super man. Yeah. I think that's a man. Nope. It's soup. That's the- that's my version of Is It Cake. Super man. That would definitely be- people would stop you and want to take pictures with you if you were that dragon-gon. If it was super or man. Yeah. That- maybe that's my costume for next year. I don't know. Did you perform? You performed. I did perform that Ken Plum's Gonzeru show. And it was awesome. It was great. It was the- you know, it was a huge hall and Jonathan Colton and Paul and Storm were there and- and also performed in man. Yeah. It was so- it was so much fun. I, of course, you're not going to believe what happened.

27:38Technical difficulties. Yeah. Please stay with us. What? I was just- I was adding, please stand by because you said technical difficulties so that's always when my brain goes. Now, that was- yeah. It was- I- I lost communication between my phone and the computer for a second so I got to stand there and act like that's part of the bit. And then a song didn't have audio that was supposed to. So I went along with that for as long as it good and then I bailed and moved on the next thing. Now, I know it's a bummer when that always happens but I do have to say that some of our greatest on-stage moments were because of technical snafu's. Like they really do- They really- those imperfections really- because they really are this sort of unplanned like you're all experiencing something together. Yeah. Even more so than something going perfectly, you know, whatever that means because the number one in the audience is automatically going to be on your side because I know like, oh, this thing went wrong and if you have fun with it then you're all in it together and you navigate through it together and it becomes like a unique experience. Yeah, which is ironic because it is the prepared playback materials that are making it more

28:43of a live show. Yeah. Making it more of a live show. That's really fun though. I'm glad you got to do that. Thanks, man. Yeah, it was really good. And it's actually at the moment my only show that I have lined up. I don't have any show. I think you and I are performing in Rhode Island in November. Really? Nice. I do have a show lined up. I got him still a performer. Yeah, good. You just got to get your five shows a year to be able to tell yourself like I still do this. Yeah, technically speaking, I perform surgery, so I'm a doctor. I went to New York and my flight got in so late that I did it get in. It was like midnight. I just didn't even. I didn't even yes and a bit. I sort of yes and it just didn't. It was midnight. And so I kind of just didn't feel like by the time I would get to where I was going, it

29:48was going to be like two o'clock in the morning. So I did something that I've always wanted to do, which is stay at the TWA hotel at JFK. Oh, what is that? Which is not an ad. This is not an ad. They're not sponsoring anything. It's just an experience that I had. The TWA hotel was the TWA terminal, I guess was terminal five at JFK. Okay. And someone turned it into like a retro 60s hotel and essentially museum for like the early JFK and the old TWA airlines, which doesn't exist anymore. So there's like, it's super like 60s jet age and there's like fantastic four looking. Yes, yes. And there's like, you know, like old luggage carts and uniforms and and and captain and flight attendant uniforms and a giant barfing everywhere. What? People barfing everywhere. Why just from flying? Because yeah, 70s and 70s weren't people throwing up a lot more. Because they were drinking more. Oh no, because I thought I thought now we're at a place where we fly so high that it's

30:50not as much like the air sickness. And this are much less in use than they were used to be. And also like people smoked on. Remember when they were like smoking or non smoking, you're like, does it fucking matter because we're in a capsule with recycled air. So it's we're all in it. Yeah, it's not ironic that this whole thing is shaped like a cigarette. Now it did not by the way have a smoking section, which would have been the most, but it was a really cool like the room was really cool and had like a rotary phone in it and all this like retro mod stuff. And I bought a ton of merch like TWA Airlines merch and it was just really fun. So did you get to sleep? I did, yeah. Yeah. And it's great because you just take the air train at JFK which is free if you're just returning to the terminal. You can either go one way, takes you to I think the train station in Queens or you go the opposite direction, which basically just circles the terminal. So I landed in terminal eight. I went back to terminal five. I got there at midnight. Obviously people are getting in and all hours. So like there were people.

31:50It felt like normal and safe and it was really cool. Like I really like enjoyed the experience. And so yeah, like if I had to, if I had like a six AM flight from JFK I would probably go stay there the night before and just not have to get up and like navigate rush hour getting to the airport. So yeah. It's like a little a little Epcot experience. Kind of yeah, like because I was excited to tell you about it because we're in so many different hotels and we travel so much that it was like, Hey, travel tip, the TWA hotel's a good option if you're, you know, getting in really later, leave, really early from JFK. It was, it was really fun. I really enjoyed the, really enjoyed the experience. And it's been there since the 40s, which back then it was like a futuristic. Can you imagine if things are like this? So many. So many. And it caught up and now it's retro. Now, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Now it's a back then. Yeah. But it was, it was really cool. And they had like cool food and cool little, like a cool coffee place and a bunch of little

32:51counters with like cool fun hipster foods. And I don't know, it was just, it was, it was really neat. Speaking of airports, I had the weird pleasure. A friend of mine called me up and asked if I want to go tour an airport with him before it opens. And the port, which this is very, very, I feel like people are reaching for the fast forward button on this because it's very specific. But the Burbank Airport is moving to a new Burbank Airport. And I get to go in and see like a tour. What do you mean it's moving? It's not like a completely different location on the same property. Yeah. They're going to use the same strips, the same landing takeoff strips. But there is a new building. It's huge. It's beautiful. And it's just now one big building as opposed to the two that it used to be. I don't know what they're going to put at the old one. Nobody knows. But maybe a TWA hotel. Oh. I don't know that. That would actually be super slick because it's, but the Burbank Airport is kind of like

33:54an old like throwback. So that would be really cool if they made that into a hotel. I don't know that they're going to do that, but that would be a good idea. I think more airports should have hotel. I mean, I know a lot of them have hotels like close by. Yeah, but it's just so convenient to have it be like there when you're traveling. Yeah, right. Or more hotels should get airports. How was the, I guess if you're somebody who flies in helicopters all the time or if you were from the future and you take, yeah, jetpacks and wings, then you can land on the top of the buildings. Wait, how was the new airport? Awesome. It's kick ass. It's an airport. I mean, it's like, you know, it's a, it's big. It's very nice. It's very smooth. We got to pretend that we were, is it so smooth? Because it's just like the old song on the moon. It's so smooth. Is that in that song? What? Does he say the word smooth in that song? Yeah. Oh, I didn't know. Oh, wait, what song?

34:55I don't know. I have to pretend like I don't know what you're talking about. What are you talking about? I was just saying the airport sounds so smooth. Oh my God. I shouldn't have done that recall. Cause it's just like a nap. I got to Mike's reality. He's in a chair, lobotomized, all this. Why, what a terrible. Why did I want, of all things? I have a family, a great life. Why did I want to remember about cats? But why would I have the memory of a meandering podcast with the actual points? Yeah. I got to, they issued us little like assignments as to who you were. So you really like pretended to be a person who showed up, checked in, checked your bags, went through TSA, went to the gate, and apparently, you know, like this would be like, you sign the little thing and you would walk onto the plane, but we don't have a plane here right now. And then you'd see what it's like to depart. And they basically wanted to get everybody's ideas of like, oh, if you noticed something that was like counterintuitive, now's the time.

35:56Like let us know if something was like you didn't know, there should be a sign somewhere around here, right? Like so we were like beta testers of the new Burbank Airport. I don't think the toilets should just be out in the con course. I would really put those behind a door or a wall or something. I mean, you'll see the way of the future. It's going to be, everybody's going to have this now. But what was cool is that everybody got to be assigned a celebrity name. I didn't know that, but they were just like, oh, here you. And they would give you a thing of like, here's your character that you are, and you didn't really have to act it out or anything. Because I was Coco Gough, the champion tennis player, Coco Gough, and everywhere I went, I was, let's see your ID. Yep, you're Coco Gough, all right? And I'm, so you're basically just, wait, so you're basically just there to kind of like, just give them notes. Inspection by the control. You're just like, oh, that's really cool. There's like a group of like a hundred of us that like I have a friend who's like in on local community stuff.

36:58And yeah, that's really cool. That was really cool. And I don't even know if I have notes for it other than like, oh, I do have one thing that drives me crazy. And I figured this is my way in. When you go to the baggage claim, right? And everybody crowds the front, right? So you can't see what bags are coming out. And you just have to wait and kind of wait till it thins out till those people's bags come, right? One, there should be some place where everybody stands back behind, right? I think. But two, why not have a camera and a screen that's pointed at where the bags are coming out? So you can see on this screen, oh yeah, there's my bag. I'll go forward and get my bag. And if you don't see it there, there's no point in having 20 people crowd the front while 180 people wait for their bag. Well, what about if there was like an NFC technology that would allow you to just connect to the network of that baggage claims you could see on your phone.

38:00We have air tag. Yeah, you could do that if it's if you have an air tag in your bag. But even then, even a big mirror, honestly, just a big mirror that's over the thing. Or if it came up, if the bags came up and then down a slide and you're like, there's my bag, I'll go over and get it now. Wait a minute, this would be way more fun. What if like an air tag, they just put the bags in a pile and then sorted the passengers. So the passengers came down the conveyor belt and then just got parked right in front of their bag using this technology. That would be way more fun. That would be way more fun. Well, I'll write that in. Yeah, I know. Now they're winning what I think. And that's what I'm gonna say. I do feel like this would be another excellent place to briefly pause to thank our sponsor for this segment if I think you're overthinking it. It's FitBod, which is a fantastic app that you can actually customize your fitness journey. Signing up is super easy, by the way. You can pick one of six goals, all right?

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41:04Adapt it to your growth, track your muscle recovery, do all of these things as you go on your fitness journey. Thank you to FitBod for sponsoring this episode. I think you're overthinking it. Which we now return to. Oh Mike, the comedy special's coming out soon. Hey, is it done, done? It's done, done. It's like turned in color time mixed. Like, you know, it's all done. Have the music in, the credits, everything. And what did you, what's your grade? What did you get? The grade, the grade is it already? They grade it already. FitB minus. What percentage of your final grade is this special? Oh, you mean like rendering the rest of the semester completely useless? This is 95% of your grade. So every other test you've taken, this semester means nothing. Because you're being balanced and out a little bit more. I'm excited about it to finally be out there.

42:04Yeah, a bit. And then you can clip it up and put it on socials. Yep, because that's how people watch everything now. So I'm definitely going to clip it. I'm going to try to clip every fucking piece of that special. I don't know. So, because that's how I don't know if people sit through hour long things anymore. I mean, on planes. Or 53 minute things. Yeah, but you still can just jump around. They'll show it at the, no, you can't jump around on a plane. They'll talk to you down. No, I mean in the entertainment system, Mike. What? God. What's, God. They'll show it in the TWA hotel. Back before there was, I was speaking. Just like a plane that can't land, bringing it back around. That's right. Ladies and gentlemen, Mike Ferman, I'm standing up. Yeah, I'm going to cut it up and post all over the socials. Maybe I got to do that. You know what I didn't do in this special, though? I didn't do that new thing that people do to get engagement by purposely mispronouncing.

43:06If you ever hear someone purposely mispronounce a name or an obvious thing, it's so that the Gen Xers and the boomers will go in there and be like, it's not the Samson's. It's the Simson's. What the fuck is wrong with you? That just creates the engagement that then, like that's what people are resorting to to try to cut through the algorithm noise. Yeah, misspellings. I have heard that if you want somebody to weigh in and give you an answer to something rather than asking people for their help, for an answer, say that you think, like, oh, here's this thing and just say what it is and everybody will correct you. Because you're really playing to that part of the internet that just loves to correct people. It's so funny, like this weird, I don't even know what this age is that we're in. It's a subset of the digital age, but it's like, it's so wonky, you know, Lydia's very meticulous about writing emails.

44:06And she uses the, actually, she and I both use the double dash. Oh, yeah. And is that the option shift, hyphen? I don't know, it's just like you use the double dash. Oh, you just type dash dash. Yeah, yeah. Because I do the long, the long dash. Well, in like word or whatever you do the double dash, it turns it into the long, right? Yeah. And so apparently that is a signifier of using AI to write your, and she doesn't use it. I don't either. And someone was like, oh, little chat GPT there and she was so offended. Like I was just writing correctly. Are you fucking kidding me? So now I'm letting her. Don't think a robot wrote this. I have to write Dumber. Right. And someone else, I talked to someone else who had the same problem who was like so meticulous about their grammar and punctuation.

45:06And she was so upset because someone was like, hey, chat GPT, huh? And she was like, I don't use, I just use the proper grammar. I spent a lot of time learning. I don't use proper punctuation. I swear I wasn't using the, so now you have to, like you almost have, so it's like, it's internally and externally trying to dumb us down so that we have to appear dumb or so that we don't, people don't think we're using it. Right. If you just go through and just delete one word, then people think like, oh no, an LLM would have caught that. There's no way that they'd copy and paste it that. So you just go delete a, or delete a, you know, a, and then be like, oh, no, this is great. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, although now I'm gonna make a plug in that does it for you to say. Who would have thought, who would have thought that just using certain grammar, who we like robot? It's not a robot, I swear. I just, who would have thought? I use the double dash. I tell you, how else do you break in the middle of a thought?

46:08Now I gotta use a fucking ellipsis. That's technically not really what it's for, but I don't have a choice now. Until the AI's come for ellipses. Yeah, I don't know if people can see you. I don't think they can because this is an audio only podcast, but Chris's arms are waving as if he is swimming through the people. No, it's like the breaststroke of swimming through people that are harassing you about using ellipsis. Yeah, do I just write the words double dash? Double dash here. There you go. Or you could do things that are like, it would have been enough to know. Oh, God, don't do that then. It's like the right like you talk. Now we gotta use the triple dash. Now we're gonna have to use the triple dash. Yeah, or you know what I do, you know what I like a lot? Is the option eight. It's a bullet, like it's a little ball. Yeah. If you use that instead of ellipses or hyphens,

47:10it separates the claws and there's no rules as to what it's used for because it's not supposed to be used. I don't think so I just use that sometimes. Option eight sounds like something, it's like some sort of a cataclysmic. Oh, shit. It's some dystopian future movie. He's initiated option eight. Oh my God. Yeah. Do you think in the movie, do you think option eight was real? Or do you think that was still part of the fantasy? Again, bringing it back around Mike. I love it. I have no memory. That's why it sounds like I'm really good at callbacks. I that's as far back as I can remember. I have a recent callback memory length. Yeah, goldfish are great at callbacks. And you know what? They just keep bringing it back around. They just keep going around and around and around and around. I feel like I don't know. I don't know if I have anything else to really drone on and on about. Yeah, I have a, I can give you a mic hack. What? A mic hack? Yeah, a thing that you can walk away from this with one

48:13or even two little ideas that would make your life better. Do you want to do a little intro where you do like a trumpet but with the moose call? Sure. It's time for my cacks. Turns out moose make very poor trumpets. We can't all be geese. So here's a, I have two, two mic hacks today. One, if you are out in the sun, right? Say you're out in the sun. That was perfect. That was a perfect joke in my opinion. That was perfect joke because you just, for no explanation, just read, read. Which is randomly pulled geese into the mix. Yeah. In a way that you didn't have to explain,

49:13but still was very clear what you're, I don't even remember doing it. Oh, we're so good. Okay, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead. Okay. So, yeah, here's a hack number one. You're out in the sun and you're like, ah man, the sun is beating down my eyes. And I want to put my head behind something to block the sun. I want to put my head in the shade, right in the shadow. And there are trees or light posts or something like that. But if I look up to try to do that, I'm staring at the sun and trying to find where to put. Here's what you do. You look down at your shadow and you find another shadow of a thing that your head could fit in. And you move wherever you need to go to put your head in the shadow of that thing. Now when you turn around, you're in the shade. It sounds very time efficient. It's not. Oh yes, it is. What's the other hack? The other one is if you have any gift cards that people email you for your birthday or holidays

50:13or what nuts. Tag, put a label on that email as unused credit. And then you can move on about your life. Thank the person whoever's in to do. And then later when you're like, do I have credit for that thing? You don't have to go searching. You just click on your label that says unused credits and you're like, oh, I've got one for sweet water and I've got one for whatever. That is a shockingly good idea actually. It is. I've been doing it for years and I just realized like, oh, I should share that with somebody and be like, here, make a tag called unused credit. And then when you use it, delete it. Just delete them. You know what, you well or if you don't use the whole thing, you could forward yourself the email and then just in the body, just write the current balance. Right, yes, absolutely. Oh, that's a great idea. I like that, Mike Hack. Right, the person I'm still trying to wrap my mind around but that one is definitely. Some day when you're out in the sun, look down and try to put your shadows head into the shadow of an object. And then my shadow's head.

51:15Yeah, you look down. There's you, Peter Panstile, like, oh, look, I've got a shadow. And then walk or move until that little shadow is in something else's shadow. And now you're in the shadow. It just feels like an extra step that usually I'd be like, ah, where are I going to go? I mean, hide behind. But if you look down, it's like, oh, you just kind of move till you just put that in there. Why just wear a lot of caps that I have a built? You know, it's like there's a brim on it. So that's it. Yeah. So you have to take your hat off, find where the shadow of that brim is, put your head into the hat. Yeah, you got to play the trumpet at the end of the. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. By the way, I'm naming this episode, we can't all be geese. Hi. But I got to deal with the lower case if people don't think I'm referring to the band geese. Oh, I don't even know the band geese. There's band called geese. And, but just the little kids. What? Are they all trumpets? I don't know. No, they're not all trumpets and horns. But it's good to see your face.

52:15And I miss you in person. And I hope to see you soon. I think I'm seeing you soon. Yes, I think I'm seeing you on. I'm coming out late in a couple of days and we're gonna hang out and. Yeah. Please, please some music. All right, Mike Furman. Chris Adwick. The end. And then the sound effect of a moose running through. What the hell? Oh, my God. I will remember you. There's a line in an episode of Reacher where he says, you better blah, blah, blah. You better do that. Or else I'm gonna tear your, something like I'm gonna tear your heart out. And your last thought will be, oh my God, he did it. No, no, no. Your last thought will be holy shit, he actually did it. Now, Reacher is just a guy who goes around and just gets things off shelves for people. That's right.

53:15Okay. All right, I think we've taken enough of these people's times. Oh, are we still on? We stopped recording.