Toilet emergencies, PhDs and Bon Jovi

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1:28You don't remember that? Oh mate. It was a fucking great time. Where people used to go. I don't think that happened, bro. People would go out and do it, yeah. It was one Friday night for the biggest part of any week. Thursday night is apparently the big thing now. No, no, no, no, no. That's where we're showing our age. Why? No, I've literally just been told this a couple of days ago. Really? What? Thursday night? For young pups. Apparently that's this is a big night in London. Thursday nights. Wow. You got to do your tincting. I feel so sorry for Friday. You still have it all, didn't it? I went clubbing the other night. What? Oh, yeah. Actually, we should save this for that. Yes, no, yeah. This is an email episode. Okay, yes. So if you want to hear about my clubbing in its way to fucking wood, when do we get the other, bye? Tuesday. You need to wait till Tuesday. I'd love to have had a video of you clubbing. Do you love it now? Yeah, let's talk about it now. Okay, okay, so on. All right. We'll fill out part of gmo.com if you want to email in any questions, queries or anything like that. Tom, who wants to read the first one?

2:29Let me do this one. To the sweetest of souls. I love to run a novel. I can't follow it if you read it like that. Why? You're doing it like a song or something. Just read it like you're delivering it. Okay, mate. I do everything like a song called Musical Guy. I have to run another team marathon. I have twice done the night in the museum marathon. But it's 28 laps around that. At the Barvendon Tank Museum at night. The tunnels marathon, which was 91 laps around an underground disused military bunker. And most recently, the carpark marathon, which was nine laps up and a lot of the top and nine ramps down 53 times of 63 times. The equivalent of running up Snowden apparently. As a committed listener to the pod, the first time I did the tank museum, I was listening to a Christmas episode from a couple of years back, where Tom was doing the voice of Father Christmas in Rommesh's bedroom. I think it involved the phrase, hello little boy.

3:30Hello little boy. Hello little boy. Which had me in stitches. I also remember the underground tunnel cracking over Tom's pronunciation of the word urine and the carpark. And at the carpark, it was listening to the stories of drunk parties. Yes, I am behind. But we're pretty caught up now with that lung off. But I like to have lots of fun. Oh, I get the soared stored up for travel and running ETC. What? Is that how you pronounce it? ETC. Yeah, yeah. Okay, gone. What do you say? Etc. Oh, no, no, no. Well, Tom has made the, if they're really et cetera, I'd say et cetera. I read for volume. My question is, to you, is, do you read it for volume there? Do you ever listen to a podcast or a training or do you find it distracting? I love the, I love the comedy as it makes me forget that agony. I mean, much better than just music that gives you something to actually laugh about. Or do you like to get some drill or whatever the kids listen to these days to keep you focused? Ron, I saw you live at the vegan camp camp out. Why, well, stop, stop, stop, stop.

4:32Why are you laughing at that? I just think the vegan camp out. I think it's so selective. What do you mean? Well, it's like, couldn't everyone go? You could get anybody can go. It's no, they don't fucking know. By the way, can I say at the moment, I'm on a very, very vegan straight vegetarian diet. Okay, so that's what I say, it's a surprise that you sniggered like that. No, it's just the name vegan. Fucking lamb chop hanging out your chops. One vegan tour round, I don't have a big laugh. Tom, I saw you live at the Marcia in Southampton. Oh God, I don't know the worst gigs I didn't last tour. That's so many hecklers. It's awful. Well, I actually got PTSD from that night. Never has there been a talent for coming up with random men's names on the spot. Oh, yeah, that's right. You okay? Much love. I didn't realise this email would be quite so long. Okay. Yeah, much love displayed. Well, you can take more than one breath. So firstly, thank you very much for your kind words. I remember that time to gig significantly,

5:33different more differently than you remember it. The vegan camp at gig was fine. I bet it was. The load of like-minded souls gathered together. Well, they're the, they're the wins, those gig. I did get a bit of shit back from them. Why? Because at the camp out, there was- What's it called a camp out, by the way? It's a festival. Yeah, no, but why it's just not a vegan camping? Or the vegan, vegan, I don't know, vegan all. Vegan all? Yeah. Like vegan festival. Yeah, okay. They could have done that, but they've called it the vegan camp. What a festival it should have been called. Yeah, but there's not sort of imply that everyone's wearing vests. See, that's where I get booked. I mean, that's why they called it the festival. That's who that is. That is my target audience. Oh, yeah, yeah. I don't give you stellers, everyone. Here we are. Vest festival, 2009. That's my mum's name. I got a vegan festival, the vegan camp. Well, a couple of people didn't like me that I was there.

6:34Why? Because they don't think I'm a zern, like I'm a zernist about veganism, I should be. What? And then- By the way, you went to war with only your best friends on veganism then. I wouldn't go to war, but you snuck it. Yeah, but you are a really devout vegan. I don't know, I'm devout. But I think some people would know about you. I think it would be a bit more chill about it. Yeah, I think, yeah, I agree with it. And so I say that a lot and people get fucked off. Because if you really, if you're really into animals, the idea that someone's being casual about is annoying. I get it. I do get it. And then a few people had to go at me for being heteronormative in my standard. What is heteronormative? Like I was talking about it from the position of being a dad and a straight man. Oh, my God. What am I, you know, I'm slightly hamstrung. I can't say that would be the worst gig I could do. What is heteronormative? I've never heard of heteronormative. I don't even have a user word correctly, but the point is, is that I'm doing it from a default position of a heterosexual man. What else? What other position?

7:35I don't know. I don't know. Anyway, I'm just telling you what some of the feedback was. The reason I love going to what stand up comedians is you get, it's the person that is searching honest. Yeah, and you like what you like, which is why you're only what's straight white, guys. That's your thing, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. People like different flavours. Yeah, and your flavour is the same. Yeah. Over and over and over again. Never break it away. Just don't, Tommy, you're not going to stand up. No, no, no, no, I've got nothing I need to hear. There's nothing I need to hear, mate. Um, okay, so you do run. I can't run. I need to show. Okay, but you work, you love walking, but you've normally walked with the, with K-dog, don't you? Yeah, no, no, no, walk a bit. I'll go fish, it'll chop me own. Okay, no, I'm not walking through London listening to a podcast. Okay, so what podcast, then? By the way, thank you, uh, slug. Yes, for the slug. Thank you for giving us the opportunity to plug some other podcasts on ours.

8:36Yeah, so what is it you listen to? Well, I feel like the overlap is one that I always go to. Sure, I like the overlap. Yeah, Gary Neville, but you like the overlap. I actually, you know, Gary Neville was really growing on me. Well, you know, with a cast on mine's back to pre-studio episodes, you described them as something that looks like it doesn't work as bum properly. I still stand by that. I still stand. He does look like something. I don't know where it is. Yeah, by the way, that's not an insult. It just means it feels like an insult. It smells like an insult. He just looks like he probably just gives that two wipes and he just runs out without... Okay. Yeah, okay. I have become increasingly thorough about all that. That's not good. By the way, jumped into your regime. What was that? Try, what? Try. Yeah. Oh my god, it's a game chase. It is so good. It's so good. Although I've been sleeping on it a bit. What do you mean? You told me about it a long time ago and I've never listened to you. And now I'm like, Do you go dry, wet, dry? Yeah, D-Dubs D. Yeah, perfect. That last dry, you get it right.

9:37Yeah, everything's so clean. It's so squeaky clean. Then I feel good. I feel like I'm jumping into my ice bath. There's no debris there. Oh, my god. Oh my god. We sort of managed to skirt around being disgusting. I haven't got that capability in my mind. People don't... Sometimes I don't think we give enough consideration to the circumstances in which people listen to his podcast. Yeah, no, yeah. We might be having their fucking breakfast. It drops first thing in the morning. On Friday. And then suddenly you'll talk about debris in your ice bath. Yeah, but it could be all sorts of debris. Yeah. Um... So do you know what I'm talking about? Can I just tell you just... Okay, in the interest of being disgusting. Yeah. I just want to talk about something I did recently. Oh, god. As you know, I'm a Heimschizer. Yeah. But I caught myself in an emergency situation. Well, I brought one of the little stool things as well. Oh, have you? Yeah. Oh, my god, I'm an influencer. You've got a squatty pot. Yeah, yeah. Have you used it? Yeah, they're incredible. Mate, they're amazing. Oh, my god. Are you serious? Where am I? Do you know I've had my... Tom on my issues recently. Yeah. I'm not going to get too into it.

10:37Yeah. But it's a... That is an absolute... Told you. Can I say... I told the specialist I'm saying about it. He was like, that's great. That's great. That's great. That's great. More people should use those. Guys. I was like, yeah. Huh? Doesn't have to be that brand. No. Just get you... What I... Elevated to see. It's slightly... Ingenifying, isn't it? Can I say, I tried it out with a bin a couple of times. But I felt on top of the bin. And then I thought, as you know... How tall is the bin? It's nothing at all. Okay, fine. Yeah, I was like... It's just like a full size bin. No. I don't know if you're going to get it in the toilet, yeah. And since then, I'm like, no, I'll invest. Yeah. I mean, it's 40 quits. Just favourite. Beautiful bit of kit. Yeah, yeah. Can you change it? So, do you have a lap on like a lap? No, no, no, no. But this is... I'm not totally the bit. Sorry, I'm going to get into the overlap. I... Had to go to the... For a number two. Yeah. I don't like just dry toilet tissue. Okay.

11:38You can put water on toilet tissue to... If you haven't got... No, no, no, you can't. You can't. I'm sorry, mate. Yeah, that's... Not if it emerges as a situation. No, you can't. Not even in an emergency. Okay, what did you do? Just got to go dry. Well, you can't, because it will shed. Yeah, that is true. If you put too much, it's a risky move. What I decided to do... I don't even have one at all. Hey, Joe. They had hand-mysed rice in. Oh, my God. What? So I went dry. Moisturized tissue. Dry. Anyway, my anus felt completely frictionless for the rest of the day. It was ridiculous. What, in what tin? It's like... It was like... I'd basically moisturize my ring. Oh, my. I don't think it's supposed to do that. And it's like, I looked up the ingredients like... You're just saying what you shouldn't use is vassaline, because it's the same... You're not putting vassaline in my arse. But your bum is the same as your lips. Okay. Is it? Yeah. It's the same skin. Okay, fine. Anyway, I put hand cream on there.

12:39Oh, my God. And it was insane. How's it feel now? Well, now it feels all right. But when I told Lisa about it, she said to me, what the fuck did he do that for? And I said, what do you mean? She goes, isn't... You could... She goes to me, you might get a rash now. Also, you could be fucking with your PhD levels. PhD levels? I think you mean PhD levels. PhD levels. I don't think it's affecting my doctorate. Maybe your PhD levels. Your PhD levels. No, I've got bad news. So you only heard about your using... Had moisturizer on your anus, and now you can't graduate. Yeah, I'm sorry. You're going to fail. You're a best student, and there's a good chance that you would have been the first to cure with these horrible diseases. But we've heard what you're... What you're smearing on your back. Yeah, it was bad. That's a bad move on that. Yeah. It's an incredible app. Yeah, so the overlapped I like a lot. And I'm trying to think of any other side of the world.

13:40Oh, what went wrong is... Yeah, but I think I've completed what went wrong. They bring out others, but I'm like, they've done all the... I don't know. Yeah. Also, it's brilliant. It's incredible. I love them. But at times, I feel like they're quite sneery about stuff that... They did what they did one episode about the interview. They had to film the interview with Seth, very good. Yes. I didn't like that one. I really like that film. Yeah, I think it's a good film. And the way they talk about it, and the people who might like that film feel so sort of like... Well, I mean, there's a bit of racism in the film, isn't it? Yeah, there it is, yeah. But the way... Enough about your favourite bits. You like the whole film, didn't you? Yeah, I do. Yeah, that's it. You prick. But they're like, I mean, this is such a shit movie. It's such a... I know, I know. One of the words... I think they could have one of the worst films I'd ever seen. Yeah, and I was like, it's not very modern. They've seen a lot. Yeah. I didn't think it was that bad. There's a lot of vocal fry. I really struggle to sit through this thing.

14:40I guess there are people that understand and enjoy this film. Yeah. And they're not... Let's just say they're not the sort of people I'd want to hang out with. You saw a Donald Trump. I'd love to see Donald Trump do a film. He's in the film. I'm a Lentay. Yeah, very quickly. Yeah. Anyway. What are you listening to in my friend? Okay, well, in response to this in terms of when I'm running, which I haven't done for a while now, and actually... Well, I mean, I haven't done it as much as I used to. I don't find... I'm going to train for the marathon. I listened to the Britney audiobook. I love an audiobook. Yeah. So I listened to her autobiography. That was good. Yeah. I don't think it was read by her. God, I don't know if she'd read that. Yeah, she'd read it. I get it. If Britney doesn't want to read it. Yeah. Anyway, but I find when I'm exercising, I like music. I do like music, you know? I like about music. You just sort of get to see in the zone, you know? I like Bruce Springsteak, but I'm... I mean, Lisa gets quite annoyed because I do...

15:41I work out a lot with Lisa. And then I always choose the music. And I'm always putting on like some really kind of grimy, southern hip hop on. Yeah. And it's sort of slightly... She's not into it. Well, she's sort of like more... She's like you. Come on, jump. That sort of thing. Yeah. For my love. Yeah, I love all that stuff. Yeah. You two have got very similar music to each other. She likes like Oasis, Blur... Westlife. Westlife, she likes. She's, you know, she's that vibe. Yeah. Then every now and again, I'll like, I'll send her songs and I go, this is great, isn't it? And she'll go, yeah. And then I think, how should I listen to that? Yeah, yeah. I'm not convinced. But I think she would. Lisa is a very honest woman. She's very honest, that's true. To a fault. Yeah. I think that's a wonderful thing. Yeah. But I've got, I do, I put a lot of playlists together. So like, say, for example, if I'm not, I'm going to hit the gym quite hard. Yeah. I'll put together a proper... Can people listen to each other? And I've made them private. But I'm going to put them out there, people, one of them.

16:41Yeah, probably like Rommie's... Yeah. I've got a couple. I did a winter warmer a while ago. I remember it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You could do a thing like you open in the thing, but I like, yeah. Hey, everyone, it's Rommie Schring and Nathan. If you're going to be lifting those big weights, you want to listen to this. I don't know, it's like... I had to do, I didn't have to do. I was asked to do the... I wasn't called the running... You know, the running mix for BBC Sounds. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, like, it was like training runs and then every now and then, I'd come in and out of the mix and go, I hope you enjoy, and it's probably getting a bit gritty out there at the moment. Hopefully, this will get you through it. A little bit of Van Halen. Oh, God, that's such a good job. You're paid for that. Yeah. These are the fucking... You could do it right now. Do like, imagine, I don't know, what songs do you want to be going out of into? So, let's think about Bon Jovi. Okay, Bon Jovi, living on a prayer. Living on a prayer. And you're going into... Brian Adams, everything I do, I do. I mean, that's a fucking... By the way, thank God you're not a DJ.

17:42Fucking hell, mate. That needs about 45 minutes in between those two songs. Of other stuff. Fucking hell. All right, so, you're coming out of Bon Jovi, living on a prayer and going into... Everything I do, I do it through you. Jesus, why would that be on a running playlist, by the way? Okay, maybe it's like the last... Yeah. It's the last 50 metres or so. Okay, 100 metres. Okay, so, everything I do, I do it through you. I could say it's... It's the last 50 metres or so. Okay, 100 metres. Okay, so, everything I do, I do it through you. I could say it's towards the end of the run, let's say. So, you've got to give it a bit more pep. Yeah, yeah, okay, okay. And that's Bon Jovi, living on a prayer. I hope you're living on a prayer friend. And let me tell you, you're coming to that finish line. Finish strong. And remember, the sweet, sweet heart that you've got to give you a big kiss at the end of this race. This is Brian Adams and everything I'll do. I'll do it for you. Okay, if I'm going to give a couple of notes. One, I don't think you have to sort of do

18:42do as much announcing the details of the song. Okay. Two, you've got the Brian Adams song title wrong. You don't have to, they're going to hear the song in a set. Yeah, yeah, okay. So, you don't have to go into that ever detail. Yeah. Also, sort of, you sort of made this assumption they've all got partners and they're all waiting for them at the finish line. Okay. Should I give it another go? Yeah, give it one. So, let's detail. Let's detail on the song. They're about to hear the song. Yeah, okay. Do you don't have to go into it into that, they're literally the song starting as you're talking. Yeah. Okay. To God bless the DJ. Yeah. All right, go on. That's right, you're living on a prayer just like Bon Jovi. This one's coming out of the box. It's for your heart. It's Brian Adams. What is it? Why is everything for your heart? Who's a song that means something? Okay, but you imagine you're at the end of a run. Your heart is fucking beating out of your chest. Okay, well, by this.

19:43Okay. Now, it's Bon Jovi. Yeah, you're living on a prayer. Now, just take it easy on yourself and this is Brian Adams. So, you know that? Yeah, I thought it was all right, yeah. Do you think the songs are so similar? Too similar. No, but it might just be, yeah, something that means more energy. Yeah, and also, I guess, based on what you've said in the last two minutes, a basic fucking fundamental understanding of what music is. Well, she clearly don't fucking have in slightest. It's hardy worth mixing these, is it? They're so similar. Anyway, another email. Dear Wolf and Al, I've noticed something I've been doing recently and I feel like you guys might be able to help me. I know, if I had no way of plans in the evening, even plans I'm looking forward to, I can't properly relax all day. It's like my brain won't let me settle because something is happening later.

20:43I'll hover around the house, half-start tasks, check the time constantly and mentally rehearse leaving the house. By the time the actual plan arrives, I'm weirdly tired from anticipating it. Is this normal human behavior if I've broken my ability to exist in the present? The preoccupied puffin. Oh. Thank you so much, pre-puff. Pre-puff. Pre-puff, that's nice. Mm-hmm. I, this is, this strikes a chord with me. This is literally how I live my life. Yeah. The amount of anxiety. It doesn't affect you that much. You just have rarely have plans. You just. But aside work, I, no, but I can think, I could end up having days of thinking about doing, yeah, like going somewhere or doing something. Because of a social nature. Even, this is, I mean, it's one of the big killers of me when it came to doing stand-up, used to literally dread it all day. Yeah. To the point where I like the chord. Well, yeah, when you, when someone got on stage, I was just so fucking absolutely exhausted from the anxiety and nothing.

21:43But I do get like, it's about going out. I think it's quite, I actually think it's quite a normal thing. Unless you got, I suppose when I was young, when I used to go out on a time, maybe I didn't, I feel old saying this, but yeah, when I was, when I was a young back and I used to go out sort of five, six nights a week, I probably didn't ever think, but then I used to think it was quite normal just to go out. Yeah. Everything I do, if I'm just going to meet you. I do for you. Oh, baby. Is it anything I do, I do it for you or everything I do, I do it for you. Everything I do. Yeah. Yeah, it's a really good song that. Yeah. Yeah, so I think it's quite a normal thing. Yeah. I've actually, but I've, I've got quite bad now at canceling plans. Well, I get so excited, I get so, do you know this is a really interesting thing? I'll be the judge on that. The therapist, the therapist I'm seeing at the moment said this really interesting thing to me. She, she was like, do you, well, I'll agree to most nearly anything and I end up doing stuff that I'm like, oh, shit, I'll just do it because I want to let people down or accept people or I'll just end up just like being like,

22:45oh, I feel like I should go or I should make an excuse with why I couldn't. And she was like, you don't, you should just say no. I was like, what do you mean? Just literally, she said, well, do you want to come to the pub on Friday? I don't know. And you don't need to give anyone an explanation. You can just say no. Yeah, I don't know if I, but you have to give some explanation. Yeah, no, I don't want to. Yeah, right. I think I actually think that's legit. Like tell it, you don't have to tell me when I'm going to go. Oh, no, I'm not going to because I don't know, no, no, no, no, no. I've got this happening all that happening. Yeah, because actually the best thing to do is tell the truth. Yeah, of course. Right. So if you then, but what are instinct, I think, I do feel a little bit of the instinct to make up a reason. Right. Yeah, yeah. I've got this other thing. But every time you do that, you are then putting a lie out into the world. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You have to keep track of. Yeah. You know, if you go a lot, I've got this thing. Then the next time you see that person, they go, how was um, and then you've got, then your brain's got to go. Yeah. What did I say? Oh, yeah, I said that to this. That's good. That's good.

23:46That's what you did when I asked you why I didn't come to the van right now. You knew what I was about when you were um, but yeah, I put a lot of emphasis on that. And I can worry quite a lot about it. You, you know, well, you're not that sort because you're, where people please just mean you. You're less so. You've actually got more of a handle on that, no, I think. I've, I've made it, uh, I have made it one of my main development areas over the, I can't live so those words out loud. Over the last light, yeah, to be less of a people please. I'm, I'm such a people, please, I still know. Yeah, but I, I, I mean, it's like, it's taking me ages, I now do not mind if people don't like me. I, I, I, I, I just think it's fine. Of course, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not a perfect, you know, if you don't like me, I get it. And I don't need you to like me. Yeah, it's taking me ages to even start to think like that. So I need to go down that route. Yeah, but you're so wonderful. Yeah, but then put, yeah, you're, you're like, but then if I upset people or I feel like I've upset someone, yeah, it, it, it burns in time. Yeah, yeah, that is, that is the problem. Is it crippling?

24:46So then, so I end up going to things or doing things. I don't, you know, the key to this Thomas, you know, you're so keen to please other people. Yeah, if you're getting about one person, it's yourself. Well, I'm that note. Thank you for sending your emails in. If you want to get in touch, you can email wolfalpod.gmail.com. Can't you tell me exactly anything pictures, videos, funny songs, or even a voice note. They all count the same. We want to hear from you. See you next time. This episode is brought to you by Athletic Brewing Company. No matter how you do game day, on the couch, in the crowd, or manning the snack table, athletic brewing fits right in. With a full lineup of non-alcoholic beer styles, you can enjoy bold flavors all game long. No hangovers, no buzz, no subbing out for water in the second half. Stock the fridge for tip off with a variety of non-alcoholic craft styles

25:47available at your local grocery store or online at AthleticBrewing.com. Near beer, fit for all times.