ThERe'S NaZiS iN tHE PoLiCE ForCE!?!?!

0:00Have everybody before the episode starts this is just a reminder from Samuila here and the dink that we have a patreon every week You get the episode ad free plus a bonus episode Alex anything that that's literally all the information That's all you need if you want Enjoy the episode a city cop. I don't think there is a lower dog that exists in reality No, I mean I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I co-charmed a star, but it goes into charm a star City cop it depends which one of them has the Palestinian flag and they buy from it I think it's pretty lunchtime love that oh Ladies and gentlemen welcome back to wall free lunch the podcast you know and love I would like to say Straight back apologies for last week. Yes, or a mr. Week. I got I just got fucking sick as I don't know the ill I was I haven't been I haven't been that crooked No at least three weeks dude. I must have been some sort of strain of COVID that went around

1:03Oh, fuck I didn't even think about that because it caught everybody yeah, it did it caught everybody Everybody went down in a different way as well. Yeah Oh, yeah, I because I went down with like I just had this like weas cough and my body felt terrible Mm-hmm, and then I just like I just couldn't even focus or function and Then it's just all of a sudden like on Friday. Mm. I was like fuck I feel and I've got flambit it's gone. Yeah, yeah, you know what I mean like it's gone I'm coughing up heaps of flambit it's gone, but yes, sorry about that gang. Don't want me. I got to Brisbane my brother's 30th How's that it was it was nice. It was nice. Yeah, yeah, it was good Good. No, it was nice. It was it was it was very nice. Well, you know, Murth a balls club a new farm. No, oh wait No, no, no one of the nicest balls clubs on the planet. I reckon for my money Is that something that can be studied that like rich people co-op the balls club. Oh, yeah big time Is it like a white collar thing now? All right, this is my theory about balls clubs, right? Is that the people that frequent balls clubs ended up getting really rich

2:09Because they all bought houses in the 70s. Yeah, right right right right see what you're saying and so then their sons decide to you know Come with them their sons and daughters and all of a sudden balls clubs are getting kind of gentrified And then all and then now thank God that we have the petition balls club where beers are still like $12 a pint Yeah, cuz this place is like what is it the kujee balls club? Is that the one the or the the one of the eastern suburbs where it's Overlooking the ocean. Oh, yeah, dude. Yeah, that's a plate. That's a button up place. Yeah Oh, yeah, you have to wear a button up to go to the fucking balls club. Fuck that brother It's not on I should be able to turn up in starbeats in a singlet to a balls club legit the last thing we have left is the league's club That's literally and if that becomes gentrified then we're fuck like we fuck yeah Yeah, actually the leagues club still I think do you have to wear it? No, you can just use up No, it's they just have to you need you to wear shoes. Yeah The need you to wear shoes and like the Panthers leagues club is very very nice. It's really nice You know, you know how like when it comes to leagues clubs and RSL clubs and whatnot

3:11the deco The decor and the institutions inside can be beautiful. Yeah, but there's something in the air That just makes you go I reckon I could probably take a shit in the foyer and they'd let me back in a month I think it's the carpet. Yeah, yeah, the carpet's a big bar. I think it's the cut the cut the fact that the carpet is made out of the bus Chair seat material every single time. I think that's what low is it down in class points And also the fact that the second you walk in it's just Oh Yeah, if you just edge all the way through and then someone goes 88 yeah Oh, yeah, that's right and you like the subtle the subtle underlay of bistro buzzers going on Linoleum tables. Yeah, it's a confinient of dead shit noises all in one place Yeah So it's like these are these are so much lipstick you can put on that That's true. I then the fattest Elvis you've ever seen in your life in the corner like

4:15Huffing through blue sweatshirt. Yeah, and then also just a Toyota Camry in the middle of it that you can win Yeah, $200 tickets. Yes to win the Toyota Camry Yeah, you're right. It's all of those together. It's too much of middle-level shit. Yeah, it's to it's you're right It's it's also the it's the the illusion of wealth Yes, you know what I'm going to put it. Yeah, because well wealth is wealth is quiet You know what I mean proper wealth is very quiet proper wealth is near silence. Yeah, right and a middle class just made some money Is loud as fuck Yeah, dude two generations of traities yeah, we're like you guys are pretty much coasting in a net value of like just Over a million. Yeah is just In a whole yeah, yeah, they can't and also I wait for that celebrate your wealth. Yeah, I tend to agree Be rich loudly be rich loudly so we know where the houses are when it comes time. Yeah, dude

5:18Okay, don't sneak around don't wear turtlenecks be loud writer jet ski I can't stress this enough at some point if I make a lot of money I'm gonna be there just being like mate can't take it with you standing in front of a jumping castle full of like midgets Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, look at what I fucking this this cost me $4,000 Yeah, bar chain Now excuse me. I'm gonna go knock the fuck out of all of these Oh, yeah, yeah, it's I think it's important if you're rich you got to be good at being rich Hmm, and I don't mean good at being rich and being like well actually we reinvest I mean to the not don't give don't give anything It's yours and be a con about it be be a motherfucker because this is the thing I think the issue that the the intelligence you're hiding behind is the fact that they give so much of their money away Yeah, okay, you know what I mean they go well if you kill us who will what about all these employees that we have true It's like I would rather my rich people be loud and conty about it. So when it comes time I don't feel as bad

6:19Yes, yeah, yeah, I can look him in the eye before I fucking melon bowl them out I want more like Bourges Bourges oh, oh yeah like the Bourges yeah, sort of like yeah, yeah, yeah, and peace be with you and God with you Yeah, excuse me I need to go I bury myself under a pile of prostitute. Yeah, I want more red and fluff Yeah and carriages on the way to the league's club Dude, just a very bored you would hang out at the West Tigers Yeah Yeah, only just a fucking like I come here every Tuesday and I sleep a poison into Poppersons drink and I watch them fall over So good time I will get the fratty boom bar at the end of the Chinese buffet today Yes, father, it's like it's like I don't know what it is about Chesley boy. He just fucking love more than anything He just loves parmesan and I It comes he comes for chicken parmesan. He yeah, he orders of he orders of vodka martini

7:21Come yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, and every time we tell him we don't do that. Yeah, he could juxtapose He fit orders a wine poison's a fat come yeah Comfort poisoning the fat can't stay for the parmesan He's actually quite good that they use it brother long What what do you goal these? The pencil you ask you asked someone from Melbourne the fuck tell you it's a fucking parmark But here it's a family fucking power me you can't it chis right boy You are a very interesting man Now if you do not mind my my co-host here are going to use your water feature for a quick bath No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Argers Some kind of target Jersey catches an arrow through the neck He's out for the so go sh black orange white Disgusting explaining to chis right, but I really like explaining it

8:22That's very for the difference between a parme and a parma. I'm like it's fucking bullshit, man It's what do you say a semantics who gives a fuck yeah, that's I agree I completely agree There are bigger issues at snake watch watch watch watch Poison him 20 minutes ago he about to fall face down in his bigger table on his three two one Bam wife runs over two young kids crying see beautiful. I love it. Oh, I could come God damn you're a starless in Jesu right for you into the time his fucking legs This is bad for the community This is really right he bought a raffle ticket just like everybody else. He's allowed to be here He signed in he signed in he's a member he pays three dollars a month. He's allowed to be Yeah, yeah, but we should actually go to the West Tigers. We should yeah, I think we should and I know I haven't been It's just it's it seems like such a

9:24Genuinely horrible place to go seems done but I would love to go see inside it now There was a man at the Westfield Sorry Westfield there's a man at the warehouse where I start my day who I think has now actually been fired I haven't seen him in a couple weeks and A month ago now he was like man. I got a bloody shipment of vapes for you. Oh, all right And I'm like around how much you charge for me because I'll do you ten dollars ahead. That's amazing I don't like dude. I get ten of you. Yeah, I think I was telling about this one I think so and So he brought me in two for free. He was like there we go sorted. Okay, and and then he and then I go All right, man. Well, what do you live because I spilled I live in Nashville. I got dude. I'm just in Dulley And he goes well, let's I'll sell him to you I'm like all right give me a number and we'll organize it guys. No, you give me your number I'm like, okay, fine. There you go. I mean in the Tigers League Club Car park Whoa, and I'm like, okay, what and then I drove past it going to pet bar and I was like oh This is a sting like it's one of the most visually obvious places

10:24I've ever seen in my fucking life is the car park to the Tigers the Asheville Tigers League Club Oh, shit, I'm like why the fuck would we do it there and then now he's just disappeared And I'm like dude, I don't know where he's going. He was undercover trying to honey dick you into buying legal vapes Yeah, yeah in my hand. I'm like, yes, I think that man who clearly Clearly it was not smart has somehow been caught But it also could be a genuine undercover op, right? Like he was if he was that clearly not smart Yeah, he could be putting that up. Yeah, true true. He could be an undercover fair, dude It yeah, but it just seems it seems so weird for them to get someone to run a sting on selling 10 things Yeah, I mean, but what else are you gonna do like Jamie when you see some of the shit that the police are up to actually? Yeah, well, how is that worse than talking to 13 year olds online into Islam? You know what I mean good point you doing the same now I'm like, yeah, true Pick you fucking taxpayer funded ways on their time dude. Oh man

11:29Do you know what did you see that body came footage of the cops after the IZack hurts dog rally? Not they've just dropped so you remember when I said I dropped it's just dropped dude new body came footage just dropped There you go. So these three cops are walking a walk in in the middle of the city after Those like videos of them like bashing the shit out of protesters Yeah, you know the protest that Michelle and I went to and then went for a beer just as everything started to kick off We didn't realize was that before okay, so you didn't realize you just were like this is getting boring Let's get the fuck out of here. Yeah, yeah We was getting boring and we went to the pub just as the sun went down and then we watched all the footage and it was happening Just as the sun went down Fuck sake, but what how far away was the pub? Oh, they didn't hear there were people like on the window like Lushin, oh no, no, it was like two blocks Just sitting in my like what the fuck is that guy's problem is is it like fucking superlival some shit There's a lot of people fighting for that one Palestinian cape Yikes

12:29Anyway, so you know the cops are fucking active is well out of order There's that video where they're just wailing on this old man on the ground. So it's really rough. Yeah, anyway So there's three cops their body came are all on two dudes and one girl and one of them goes Yeah, do you watch me fucking pummel that con and the girl went? Oh, yeah, and the other cop went yeah kicked him in the head when he was down And they went oh, yeah, fuck yeah, oh my god, I never was having that reaction But in my head I'm like what did you think these fucking douchebags were saying? Yeah, I mean, I'm like I think we all knew that they were like mentally I'd say what it is I think that no one When you when you're met with genuine dumbness yeah, you were going like no one is dumb enough If you're gonna be that a parent publicly no one no one is dumb enough to then into the mic Yeah, you see me crush that come I Think that's why people are surprised that's why I'm okay good good shout Which is like if you we all knew they were violent yeah, I was like that I thought they were a little bit more Machiavellian. I didn't think they were just a couple uggs

13:31Be like you see me. We are so you that was awesome Yeah, it was just like it was really it was really weird because they're all just laughing about it And also they're going looking for more so it's three of them and they're meeting up with the other one I'm like we go on again and like yeah, we're fucking going again Yeah, and I was just listening to it was like yeah, it's just dude It was just it was the sound of a bunch of dudes that were just too young for the Kronola riots Yeah, you know what I mean and then he just stick him in here. They get a the Christmas gives him a little bit more power Yeah, I'm now they're just me bash elderly people. Yeah, I never go Try to get on a bike not in my fucking city my fucking city mate It did well, I mean because the NSN shit right? It's like what like the National Socialist Network Oh, yeah, the neo Nazi know how do they how do you make that work because it's like if you guys seemingly Right wing and then you got the National Socialist Network also doing their marches and you're supposed to be like

14:32Yeah in charge of public order. You reckon they're being chill on the neo Nazis. Yeah, oh yeah 100% Yeah, it's because the new man that's no good. There's neo Nazis in the police force. What? Oh, yeah Yeah, that's I shouldn't be surprised. Yeah, no Yeah, like that said never happened Before Never historically once as they've been an example them infiltrating the police Oh, I don't like such a sweet moment of like genuine innocence and then you go oh no hold on I'm 29 I should know this yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, oh yeah dude. There's plenty of there's plenty of fucking Nazis in the police force And you know what that's that's the issue is that if you if you're attracted to the the grandiose concept of law and order Mm-hmm that is where your politics tend to lean and that is why that doesn't really that doesn't really wash for like a 203 cop town

15:36Yeah, that's just a member of the community two or three cop town best cop in the world. Yes, best cops in the world Most cops in the world because it's like you are it's it's you're it's you verse everyone. Yeah, you know what I mean It's a you are outnumbered pretty substantial. Yes You have to be a good member of the community. You have to be but when a city cop I don't think there is a lower dog that exists in reality. No, I mean I I'm I'm I'm a charmer lester, but it goes in the charmer lester city cop it depends which one of them has the Palestinian flag and they buy it for me Just a child master being like 40,000 children from the river to the sea when we liberate them I'm getting in there. I'm doing some 40,000 beautiful fuckable kids They're using them as shields

16:36Probalicide pedophile Come in the cinema's new These these poor beautiful parentless children Yeah, dude a big city cop a big city cop I just yeah, it's just kind of fucking it's I'm sass on it immediately Well, I mean when you see again, but you see the body cam footage it's like brother I get I also do believe you know these I think where it's like well. It's just a couple bad apples It's like yeah, but like also isn't the whole thing a couple bad apples Rotten's the entire thing. Yeah, isn't that the same? It's like isn't yeah, it's like a couple about bad apples Rots the entire punnit. Yeah, which like it's not just about the bad apples. It's that there are bad apples And then there are a bunch of apples protecting those bad apples. Yeah, and it's just a mess And it's like there are good apples, but the thing about good apples is they just want to keep their job. Yeah

17:37You know what I mean, and it's like I imagine Putting up that flag and drawing that attention to yourself in let's say a network There's already infiltrated by people like the like the neo Nazis. Yeah, you might be fucked Yeah, no I don't agree and also at the same time it's so weird where it's like that's the blanket statement, but also There are these fucking coppers who are embedded in the bikies and the neo Nazis and the common cheros and the LL Amadines and they've been under cover for like two and a half years ago on the and they're on the fucking edge and I'm like That's cool. It's shit. That's cool. That's cool. We've talked about it before There's a difference between cops and detectives. Yes detectives rule detectives are raw And also a dad doesn't make any sense a dab a dab a cat Attemptives are bastards. Oh, yeah, it doesn't roll. Yeah, it does a roll off the tongue. Hey, I think anything that is like entry level I think that's the reason it's like because isn't the cop thing is like you do 10 push-ups Yeah, yeah, if you and I we could pass the thing right now if we wanted to right um basically I don't know

18:43I told him I get in the way my shoulder might get in the way, but look put it this way if I'm actually doing the salute Yeah, I'd love to see Kyle, but I've just torn I've just torn my ass It's all thing I can do it the left hand just about as far as I can get yeah, I can get it And it's not turning a little bit. I have frozen shoulder. I can only get it within line with my nipple I'm so sorry. I really want to be a cop, but I can only what if I do this one? What if I do the I can do the like the Hitler in the back of the car one. Yeah, I'd hit that you know like from I read his little lost art Yeah, where he's got the mark of the medallion. I hit that No, yeah, that's so fine. That's fine. It's right. You pass me awesome. I could I would love to know the physical exam Should we find out? Yeah, because I remember when we were talking about the army reserves because detective It's all brain exam. You know what I mean. Detective you got to be smart. Oh Yeah, big time to put on those black gloves. I don't give those to fucking anybody Don't fucking give those to anyone dude, and I tell you can't leave tape and then as a backup become a detective And also, I think a lot of detectives um study

19:46At uni they study criminology. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. Yeah. Um, okay Google What are the physical requirements to make it as a new southwales police officer? To join the new southwales police force you must pass the physical capacity test Multi-stage fitness test beat test minimum score of 7.1 push-ups 25 repetitions with correct technique That's I will be able to do that once my shoulders back. Yeah, 25's okay minimum 30 kilos of force in each hand What hold a plank for 90 seconds Vertical jump 30 centimeters in the Illinois agility test complete in 20 seconds or less a aquatic rescue pass 100 meter swim Medical fitness pass a conference if this is yeah, it's quite small But also it's yeah, okay, it's a little bit more than what I thought it was gonna be yeah, but also doable Yeah, it's very achievable And it's sort of like do there's so many there's plenty of old fat cops And you're like dude, who wouldn't such a thin blue line is it? Yeah, it's gonna so blue lands. It's thick around the waist comfortable brother that line

20:55Obviously you must be known as the yeah comfortable blue line Yeah, yeah, cuz I don't I also don't know what the psycho requirements are I mean I'm sure you've got to be cleared by a psychologist, but I do know I much prefer the American experiment I think the American experiment is just top tier. What's that words like yeah? It's nine weeks of training and you can bring your own gun Is that really it? I think it's dope last day But the training is so low and they have obviously their firearm rules are insane And they're like train their cops for like two months and I know that the training for Australian police is something like 10 months So like I wonder almost if we could institute some sort of like community-based voting system Like these are the warriors that protect the community. You know what I mean. Oh, okay, yeah, I feel the police like you elect your communities police Did like you summon them up hunger game style? You know what I mean instead of just any can't can come do it It's like we need we have this many roles need to be filled this many people from every suburb need to become a police officer

22:00Pick which ones you as the community would be okay with You need to be elected you need to be elected it someone needs to put you for it. It's not just a side test It's a social test goblet of fire. Yes. Yes. All right. Yeah, okay. You can put your name in you can put your name in But other people have to be like yeah, yeah, he's fine Cuz I think a lot of people will be like we're not giving Derek a gun. Yeah, yeah Yeah, man because of the modern man. It's like every time I felt like down on my luck And I'm like really just down in the dumps. I know the police forces right there. Yeah, John. The military and police force always Always and that's the thing if your profession is where people go at when they're a patrick Right before they kill themselves Like this is your last place. Not good. That's not who you want. No, at all. That's retail Yeah, that's retail You belong in a fucking target. Yeah, man. It's like yeah, if you're hey Are you working at H&M and you're just getting a tiny little bit sick of the amount of vertila go you have to see on a weekly basis And you want to blow your brains out

23:00Any south-wise police force dude. Yeah fucking come take your ego out on someone doing 70 and a 50 I would like to I would like to see if I can get one of those jobs where you take photos of the drug hall Of the drug hall the drug you know those photos they put on Facebook. Oh hall h a u l H a u l If that's actually just that's a guy's job Or if that's just one of the officers if it's one of the others I'm not interested But if if that's just like their social media guy, I would like that because I would like to take photos of just the amount of Drugs money and guns That they see just for Facebook Just always be like hey fucking check it out pretty cool Every time it's always with the undertone is pretty cool, right? Oh, yeah Yeah, and you know what sometimes you look at it and you're like that is actually pretty cool You guys see 10 kilograms of cocaine. How do you get that much meth into the country? Yeah It's like a mental that I reckon that job you know what would be perfect is if that job went to the same person that does the police sketching Was like that's just how art sky. Yeah, sure. Yeah, that's that's how you need graduate. Yep

24:02He yeah, there's no other job in the world for him And also we don't really do sketching anymore like that so we need to give him something to do. We're gonna give him some to do That's a real bummer that we've lost the art of the police sketch We have lost the art of the police you're right. I never see a guy with a pen and paper being like describe him. Yeah Now I got it. I got it describe him. I really yeah Let's do it The brown here Actually now that I think about it that looks like just every single one I've ever seen Yeah, I like I never said he was a black guy like trust me was this Trust me though. Yeah, the New York Yankees cap on he was black. Yeah, the gold chain We got it leave it with us. That's who stole your fucking. This is legally binding I'm telling you it was a white woman That's not how we do it. Trust me like let me talk to them use while I'm talking to you. Yeah, yeah, hold on hold on I'm getting something the accomplice hold on up getting something

25:03The accomplice was wearing a hijab Yep, and after they stole your car they they spray painted a fuck Israel. Yeah. Nice dude. Yeah The police sketch artist. Yeah, you're right. That is such a loss to history But it must be just because we're so inaccurate. Oh, yeah big time. There's no way I'd because like also it's also not on them really either it's like memory is inaccurate. Yeah, apparently So it's like it or just makes me think of the Johnny English scene where he's having to make it up And he's like two big scars in the shape of a banana. Oh, yeah And then he's like this is what he looks like and he was yeah and right at the end of the film that guy just appears It's like great. Do Johnny English now. That's how fucking I love that move. Has anyone done it? A sketch where they hire a down that caricature artist to be a police sketch artist Oh, no, I don't think so that's funny. That's funny Was he driving a June buggy?

26:08That's fun Oh, yeah, yeah, well, how do we get on to this? Oh, we're just talking about the cops in the body cam footage um And somehow we got there from Jesuit, Borgia at the West Tigers league. Oh, yes, of course about wealth. Yes. Yeah, it's like it's it's It'd be fucking wealthy Just be wealthy just like just enjoy your wealth mind you in saying that right in saying that I have a counterpoint to this I am going to um mates wedding in October. Yeah, and he is he's very very wealthy boy comes from a very wealthy family He's a gentleman of scholar never makes a big deal about it But it is a black tie event and so now this wedding I know about this This wedding is going to cost me at the bare minimum $250 to rent a tax and I'm like and that's before we get to Michelle's floor length ball gown that she needs to find just where a ball gown floor length ball gown that's what it says yep. Oh Fuck I'm like, oh, are you fucking serious? Can't that is a the it must be this rich to ride invite? Yeah, I know

27:13And I'm just annoyed by it Ren when do you find the floor length? But I don't think I've walked around Westfield with you recently Did you see a single ball gown? No, where do you catch a ball gown? You catch them at like Ball gown stores at ball at ball gown stores So you can either place where you go for your grade 12 formal and then never again Yes, they're all into the city at like Vivian Westwood and you you spend like $4,000 on address Fuck me there and I'll tell you what for this sick little fantasy they have in their head of the what the photo is gonna look like Yeah, everybody together and this like really elevated sort of gatsby sort of starts. Yeah Save me dude. Yeah, that's fucked up Just do it and do it. This is I am of the ethnic belief that where what you want to the wedding The money all goes into just getting everyone fucked up. Yeah, I agree that's everyone just get fucked up and eat heaps A thousand percent. I love this guy, but that's what it's gonna cost me and then underneath the dress code They have gift registry and I'm like, no, I am the gift. No, absolutely no

28:18Because this is the thing it's like what people go like how do walks fucking pay for the because everybody gives 200 bucks Yeah, they go hey, he's probably because everyone's paying for all the drinks and the food there and their seat and Basically come out cost average. Yep for everybody. We've broken even fair That's the way to do it. That's the way to do it. We're whatever the fuck you're gonna Assurbeating these are dude in like a clearly fake Tommy who will figure out all our inshorts and sandals Yeah, who cares and no one gives a fuck everyone goes that's Radco. We love Radco. Yeah. Oh, yeah Radco is a lot of fun. He never dresses up for anything. The evening is improved with him here. Yes Dude, it's unlike I think maybe the best wedding I have ever been to Was the most casual yeah, and it was the moment where we all just had the greatest fucking dark people chill out And then also you get to spend your money on the shit that actually makes the thing fun correct And you're also not wearing a tuxedo that's not yours. It's like I can't get spaghetti on it. Can't get spaghetti on it Would you have the constant sub contest?

29:20Subplotted you ahead like the side quest. That's also like have a good time main objective sub don't get any spaghetti No spaghetti on the side you can't have a real good time. Yeah, dude I'm so stressed. There's gonna be some sort of fancy duck dish Yeah, it's a consummate that will just stain the fuck out of what I am you're gonna get there gonna They're gonna have a fucking chocolate found fondue fountain. They're like I can't go anywhere near that fucking thing I have to take my jacket off to eat anything You have like stripped down Like I am about to butcher your intention of this. I'm gonna take my shirt off to eat He is gonna fucking get in the chocolate fondue fountain Who wants to get in the chocolate fondue fountain with me Black tie at government house. I'm gonna fucking put my balls I think it is yeah, so it'll really you know hold on it got moved from government house to The Palazzo something it's a really fucking you reckon I can crash it you reckon if I show up at the gates but come on

30:22I Think I think I think you would really upset the groom by him having to do something. He's not good out and that is Being mean. Yeah, yeah, well. I mean no, no man. Now's the time. This is the final test. Are you man enough to have a wife? Tell me to fuck off. Kick him in here. Tell me to fuck off in front of your wife and family Or I'm getting in there. This is the final test You know what would be fun you figure it out figure out how to Go to the minute beforehand look at what the weight is are wearing dress like that big talk just make your way in mission impossible this shit Just taking people food away before they done with it. So I'm eating it on the dance floor Yeah Yeah, the moment the moment that all the food service done you just take off the little weight of bow tie small little costume change and wear always

31:23Have the mess of the I've light up sneakers on I'm shuffling You ripped the beard off you fucking turn the jacket inside out Oh my god, that's not the head waiter. That's that's Alex Malik a bit like the very same you were invited all right I'm leaving fucking walk out moustache come back to stash on I cut the rope take it all the way up Chandlea drops in the middle of their floor kills the mother of the bride You leave the police come the wait staff and the fucking bride or party they're going we have no idea who that was That was a perfect assassination. I actually think there are three people there. I think three people did it the police Yeah, the police are like we found no fingerprints. Yeah, it was anyway. It was crazy All right, we're gonna get the the fucking former caricature artist to come in and sketch you think it was That's fine actually I'm in the arm the caricature artist. I'm just drawing myself the bigger dick Was it this guy?

32:24Do you look like this muscles on a motorbike huge dick Um, I guess I can't really tell because he's not he wasn't having sex with panellope cruise at the time He was here. Okay. All right. Well, I clearly wasn't this fucking guy. Well, I guess we can cross that out. It's fine All right, so what about this guy? No, he definitely I think he probably only had one big dick Two big dicks. All right, you sure sure. I do the full count owe laugh on fucking my crawlies with it Like four different guys I fucking ruin the time That would be so much fun. I would like to count owe laughs on you know I did that in uni actually one time. I can't owe laugh to friend at work. Oh, okay Yeah, you went in disguise. I went in disguise I mean this is just the shit that you get up to where you're on the I miss being unemployed man. I should probably shouldn't say that fucking But like you just get up to quests like you were at uh at the shia's that we're

33:24And um just we call was fucking working at you know the Dendi cinemas in across the street from good chat Yes, yes, that liquor land. Yep that one there Uh Karl worked there We were bored and we were like do we just see if we can buy something from liquor land from Karl In costume without him knowing us Yeah, all right. That's gonna be our mission today. Let's get in costume and see if we can buy something yeah Um, and we got We going through the door. I got a hat on. I've got these glasses that aren't mine. I would never wear and I've found like old Like like extensions or something and I glued them onto my face nice nice I glued them on my face put nice yeah for a mustache and uh I think I have a photo of it somewhere on Facebook In Tom went in with a peaky blinders hat. Uh, he also did some facial work And he gave himself a little gut nice right and a polo that wasn't his uh

34:24And we got relatively far uh, we got really far We got all the way up in the aisles. We picked stuff Uh, and then Karl when he came to go hey, can I help you boys? We couldn't that's you couldn't hold it We couldn't hold it. Yeah, couldn't hold it. We couldn't hold it and it was just it was an immediate failure But I would love to do it again. Yeah, I would love to do it just dress up costume style and just go out Yeah, and try trick someone who do we know who do we know in like a customer service role? I don't know. I mean, I wonder if like Look Look do you reckon we could like argue our way on to a lineup? What do you mean lineup like a comedy line? Like a comedy line? I mean, if I was if I showed up in costume somewhere it was We took all the skin as rooms or something and I was like, hey man, can I get on tonight? In costume in character And just like argued my way on to the stage. Oh, you know what? I've got to be honest with you If that works perfectly and his skin genuinely didn't recognize you There's no fucking way and he'd be a con to about it. Yeah, and I'm like I actually think this needs to exist outside of stand-up true

35:26This does need to be in the real world Because you need people who are not suspecting something crazy because crazy should happens at the show the time That's good point and so I think they're probably we don't know anybody in customer service I can think of one but the poor bastard has to deal with plenty of crazies And I'm like and also it's not that fun going into a Vinnie's trying to trick him out. Oh, yeah Yeah, maybe those days are just behind me. Maybe instead. I just fucking hold off on my fun someone Yeah, yeah, we'll find because you know what we could also do it. This doesn't have to be customer service going to an office Well, now we're getting illegal. No, that's not illegal. We're two delivery boys We're two delivery boys. I'm here to see et cetera, et cetera But also the costume doesn't it's it if they don't know what you look like regularly then just wearing the costume Is not a no no no no no no we find someone with a job and we go to the office Yeah, I say what you say I see what you say yeah, how far we can get bluffing away through because now as I'm sure you know And as because you know because you work for celebrities is some offices are actually surprisingly easy to bluff you

36:29In and some are very high security. Oh, dude. I know for sure because nearly once a week We just have someone from housing commission walking through the premises And just being like just try to be chill about it. We're like we know come on man Yeah, let's go. She get my no one else looks like that in this building. Yes Yeah, now fair unfortunately. I know it's and there's there's initiatives, but it hasn't gotten to us like this yet You got to work your way up through the system man. There's a grant you need to apply trust me There's a grant for people like this, but right now you just can't be here. Yep I'd all the time there was a dude that was at the front of the the building yesterday being like these apartment buildings And I was like nah man. He was like shifty got short on and he's That's like that suspect He's got shorts. I just knew I couldn't trust him No, no, no, no, no, I think that's completely fair. It's the middle of the day You are in a busy part of town. Yes a guy wearing shorts is not on his way to or from a job

37:30Yes, and look this is the thing you just get a sense when you work in the city Just get a sense for a certain type of guy. Yeah, that's really it You've been on the train for long enough that you go I know what you're gonna get like you're getting up to some mischief today Yes, yeah, so he was in the car deploy it side quests. Yes, and he was like apartment buildings I was like nah man opera. He's like opera like singing and I was like yeah, he's like you a singer and I go no And he's like oh, yeah, and I just walk away because I'm having my cigarette and then I just watch him And he's just like not even trying to hide he's like on the glass door like looking through it And when you figure it out, we couldn't open it each but this was broad day, bro Yeah, it happens all the fucking time. Yeah, yeah, of course. He didn't even have the decency to put a fucking wig off. Oh Dude that blows the fucking nerve to just be like what the cops are doing doing things. I'll just big Would I would give to be tricked like that? Yeah, you know what? I mean if he came in and he was like how do you do? Yeah, I'd be like well, that's the president of the opera. I am here to inspect my employees

38:35Yeah, let me let me let me let you in sir, so please you will notice my top out and waste code and shorts it is hot I would I would love to be tricked. I would love someone to be like you know the guy that you let in It wasn't the count of the opera It was a guy called Finn and he's been homeless for two years. Yeah, but he robbed this last night stole all the costumes came back dressed as him I'm there with a truck. Are you fucking serious? What the fuck this is guys I need a second. This is throw me for a look Alex I understand that this is not necessarily your world and you just work facilities But there is no position called king of opera. He gave me a business card Actually, if you look at it close it was a sayo cracker. I'll take it out of my pocket. It's grumbled. Oh shit I thought the first business card again. He was a bit too delicious. This can't happen again You are on your final warning

39:35Sorry, I just saw the top half of the king of the opera the deputy of the opera the wife of the opera It was still a guy. I don't know what to tell you man. There was just something about him Yeah, yeah, I had an energy. I had like an operatic energy. Yeah, but think about it If I didn't let the president of the operating we'd all get in trouble. You get so mad so You know what I mean like you can't get upset Sorry guys. I'm just on the lookout for cover boss The gym right I live in fear of an undercover boss I trade everyone like there in undercover boss Did I have paranoia about an undercover boss? I have a Erasional fear that everyone I talk to in my life is an undercover boss Do you think undercover bosses show was a plant by big capitalism to make sure that everyone works hard all the fucking time Well, it's either that or it's a Buddhist initiative to make sure that everybody is nice to everybody. Oh Yeah, okay, you've got the whole zendaya in the honesty thing going on That's what I'm saying is that it's like will you walk by the homeless dog and he ends up being the guy that's actually interviewing you

40:43Yeah, you walk into the you kicked this homeless dog you fucking flip them off You walk into your job at the bank and who's standing there but that homeless dog with his two balls on the desk well Well, well Yeah, oh You're the guy right You're in charge of JP Morgan I'm surprised you're about to find angel crash I know what I'm fucking doing But you just gotta keep the biscuits. That's what I'm saying I would like and I think everybody should I think it's a good it's a good in your head If you're walking around and you are judging someone Think for a second. What if they interview you one day, you know, yeah, you never undercover what if they shop to your work they take off the mustache They take off they're here that you were judges and four and they go actually I'm a millionaire. Yeah, you know what I mean, and I was gonna invite you on my boat. Yeah Now I won't because you hate crimes me on the train. Yeah, we were gonna be on the one spaceship

41:43Out because these are media are coming that most poor people don't know about but you fucking nipple twisted me on the 428 You came out to me you twisted my nipples. You said fucking little gay boys. Yeah, you sped on my head You kicked me in my nuts through From behind me in the line to the chloro dream world And now look at the pierces how the tables have turned I really sorry about that. I was having a really bad day. You know, it's just it's just like you're not spurt right there I just wanted to be on the club before you man. I don't know what to tell you I don't know why it was just I thought it was funny you were in the way and I wanted to get on there And I know that your wife and kids were really upset about it But my mates thought it was hilarious. Is it funny to just take out the entire line in front of you at the Chlor and then just have a great time When the police are called like they could they take your way in handcuffs But there's a moment of freedom while you're up there. Yeah Yes, I think it's I think what you'd have to do in order to perfect that is you would need to have to commit the crime while on the

42:46Right because they wouldn't let you on the floor if you just committed the crime true So you can get on the chloro and then just I don't know like pull something out of your pocket And they just fucking throw it at everyone. Yeah Absolute menace, but I tell you what after there was a video from I can't shoot you off the claw Oh, I do too. I don't have faith in them in their aim not props to anyone that can shoot anyone off the claw off the claw The way you just got to let him have his fun. Yeah Yeah Cops amassing at the game as you're just going Yeah, I don't think this is a single sped snarps sniper that could fucking take you off the claw Now what's the Bradley Cooper movie the American sniper yeah Kyle whatever his name was Chris Kyle some fucking yeah Well, he got fucking pop up good night. Did he yeah by some crazy dude. Oh, that's right. Yeah, it's the end of the movie and Yeah, so except for after all that alkaida couldn't even take you out. You know what I mean Yeah, they just some kind in your own country. Yeah, and what does that really say? Is that the message of the movie

43:51No, the message of the movie is look how sick this guy is yeah, it was awesome Look how fucking sick it is and you know what I do like about that movie As opposed to like the the Jeremy went Rena one about the bomb and Oh the lock up hurt locker Zero-dark 30 the guy Richie one which was really good with Jake Gyllenhaal That is that is one of that is one of guy Richie's best films and it's the least guy Richie film. He's ever done Which one was his cover is the covenant I think it's the covenant Jake Gyllenhaal and the interpreter. It's it's incredible And it ends in like perfectly it doesn't drag anything out But American sniper with Bradley Cooper is just he doesn't have PTSD. Yeah, he's just really good at killing people He's just all American kill people in Afghanistan kind of guy. I do still enjoy and I think it falls in that category of like This is just clear America propaganda and I am kind of into it. Yeah, it's a good to cool. It's such a boy movie

44:51There's something nice about a boy movie, dude Again, it's the song of in laden documentary. It's like this is clearly recruiting thing for the American military But it's kind of working. Yeah. Oh, yeah, but you see the Gallipoli game got bear Well, no, it's like it didn't get banned. There's a game that they're making about Gallipoli And now it's in the news cycle people being like is this inappropriate? I mean, yeah, I think it's I think it's a PR stunt you think so. I think it's a huge PR stunt from a relatively small gaming Company yeah, because this it already this already exists on in battlefield. Yeah, I don't feel one Yeah, it already exists But I think the average person doesn't know about the one mission in battlefield Whereas this is getting marketed as the Gallipoli guy. Yes, and It's Gallipoli the guy Comment to see what happens if I do really well. Yeah, there's just an invisible wall that won't let you with you You're still gonna lose yeah, and also hang off in Austin world war one is a hard It's a hard era to game of fire and you're making it about a losing campaign in one setting

45:55I'm like I don't actually this is gonna be very good because isn't it just Like are they just is it just Gallipoli are they just doing Gallipoli? I think so yeah, because it's just Gallipoli didn't the entire It's one place. Yeah Yeah, it's like the where is like the coast of turkey and shit Not turkey. It's just down. I can never fucking remember exactly where Gallipoli is But it's like on the east. It's so close to like Syria and Lebanon shit, right? And it's like dude, this is this was a incredible failure And so even when I complete the game, they're still gonna be like right chaps back on the boat Yeah Although unless unless they do like a Quentin Tarantino revisionist history where Australia actually wins Gallipoli and we go on to be in like The number one in the world. Oh that every sick. You know what I mean like we actually have a second Australia Now there's like a gold coast in turkey. Yeah, because we took it Like we just buried the fine the final straw on the Ottoman Empire. We took it from him Yeah, you know what I mean? We did it all there's no Turkish ice cream salesman trying to fuck with you

46:56It's just it's just condom kingdom, but now it's in fucking Istanbul. Yep. You bet you're it's fucking cheap bars You know what didn't have to tear down any of the combat places sure Comaps are already up sorted down. So you're joints fine. Yeah, just so much more booze and hey welcome to new turkey It's so much better. Maybe we win in the game Maybe it's a revisionist. This is if Australia won and they made a new new southwiles Yeah, Turkey a new new southwiles Australia turkey. Yes. Welcome to new new southwiles Australia turkey We are part of technically we are part of the EU but we're also part of the Commonwealth and but we're also a province of Australia Which is a member of the Commonwealth? It's very complicated but all you need to know is you can buy really fun colored Comes here. Yeah, and we don't do Islam anymore. Yeah, no more Islam. This is this is just a thing that we took Directly from the gold. Yes. This is a strict. What are you looking at come? Yeah, I'm a place. This is a now Again, there's a top golf. There's a dream world. There's a movie world

48:01So the decadence of the west with all the beauty of the Italian coastline all right get on in here Yeah, but unless it's that unlike I just don't understand the point Yeah, I think it's just because we're running out of stories. Yeah, big time. You know what I mean It's like this we aren't making anything What's the last great? What's the last modern conquest? Um It's got what world war two? Vietnam. Well Vietnam was a huge failure from the Western perspective And it was kind of like just ground out a drone to the communist were like well We're just gonna do this until you leave. Yeah, so they just left and Vietnam became a communist country Your government abandoned you GI. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, it's scary. That's really scary government abandoned you GI, they don't care about you GI. Why so sad GI? They all talk behind your back GI just hearing that float over the fucking jungle while you're stuck there overnight just cold and shivering. I hear what they say about you GI flabby girl. Tits a little dick. GI

49:05GI lonely GI honey GI I I'm sorry We had come up suck your cock GI The answer to today's world old GI Did you see that no Calvin and Hobbes coming? You can look at the crossword results down the bottom of the news page. Yeah, I'm fucking Oh my god Yeah, that's haunting. It's really you we do you hear the I've only recently heard those recordings. Oh, that's so scary So scary. It's such a smart fucking tactic as well. Oh, yeah, because I always thought psychological warfare was kind of bullshit Oh really part of me. I think this is also just a teenage thought that I had when it's like the psychological warfare Just don't be effect. You know what I mean just like what is really a speakerphone in the jungle actually doing to like you know

50:09They're trying to freak you out. Yeah, just don't the power is To me, I'm like the power is second away from them if you know what they do it. Yeah, big time You know what I mean 100% but it's still I think it still plays like a subconscious element where they Know they're trying to scare me, but it's playing all the fucking time all the time So it's getting in there whether you like it or not. Yeah, it's genius. There's um there's a really don't don't quote me here I might be muddling this up Um, but I think there was something like in Berlin in the 40s as the surveyed out and it was coming there were dropping pamphlets Being like it was very much like guys you need to surrender the city is surrounded and of course at that point the SS Uh, and all of them are now just it's just kids and old men. Yeah, yeah, and they're like you can't and fanatics right and then they just started dropping flyers being like Well, we're coming anyway. We're gonna kill you all yeah, I have that point. You're like, ah we should have listened to the first flyer I thought if I thought if the win stuff is they wouldn't come but they all this was a fringe show. Oh

51:13I thought this was going to be on its kid crack club shit Yeah, dude the psychological warfare shit is just fucking scary. Oh, sorry. Yes. Oh no because I'm also like Vietnam as a mental headspace thing Where it's like dude you're in the jungle They're all underground. Yeah, they're doing fucking traps and shit and they're popping up out of fucking nowhere No front. There's no front. They're just everywhere. Yeah. Oh, so scary. Yeah, must it must be one of like the number one memories for anyone on the Vietnamese side Oh, yeah, I said like your golden days. Yeah, as it like let me tell you about how we got this guy like It's got it it must feel amazing for the Vietnamese their win. Oh Yeah, yeah, it was I think it was well. I mean it did reunified the country. Yeah, like I just you know you think about it's this is just me Growing up in Australia go and we you know we all we lost Vietnam But you forget the Vietnamese one Vietnam. Yeah, it's a real you forget about the two sides to every coin sort of thing

52:18You do yeah, it must be great for every I should every Vietnamese person I should me be like nice on the Vietnam You should be dabbing them up and you know what's also nuts about that is that like it it's you go there and they're still happy to see you Are they yeah, oh yeah cuz it's Vietnam has a huge tourist economy They're making it's a beautiful country and you go there and they're like ah welcome back Like no, it's you we sorted out we told you that we wanted to be communist you didn't believe us We won everything's fine. Yeah, it's been 30 years. No, I'm not fair. Yeah, true that and you go there and you're like you guys You could have used a little bit of us. Yeah, you could have used a little bit I mean a West field would go perfectly yeah, like I'm ordering lunch and this guy's making it with his fate. Oh, let's be really Yeah, like you can use a little bit of oh HNS. I think wouldn't go crazy. It's not bad I think we I think you guys missed oh look it's probably good. You want it's good. You want that you have silver and you your own country But just you know a couple spices of the West yeah, I think it's nice over there if we could do to you with

53:20You know health and safety laws what you did to Vietnamese street food for us Oh, yeah, just if we just exchanged yeah a little bit. Yes, and also not for now that you guys could use a A few more road rules. Yeah, it would be nice if I could come to your country have a glass of water and they're not shit in my pants That would be nice you get used to it That's true, but it means the first two days of my holiday or a ride okay, that's all I'm saying now I think I'm having the worst time A white man's ever had in Vietnam right now socks dude anyway can't get possibly worse anyway here is 17,000 Bat can you take me to the museum where you show me what you did to my granddad Ha That's also the great part is we go there and they go this is the foot trap that rips Dixon yeah, you're like ah dude, and you go like that cut was the Geneva Convention invented 10 years ago

54:21Yeah, and they're like no all violations like oh well Like you guys came here like man. It's true that good point actually Yeah, those traps are fucking grow when you see the ones where they like fall in and this bike So the next horror just what kind of sick people come up with this People that need democracy legit You know what actually now that I think about it we might need to go back we need a round two round two Vietnam I hear no bell. I don't need no bell After 11 years of getting nowhere. Let's fucking give this another crack I think now that we you've already done the jungle thing once I doubt you'll get us again. Yeah We've got like infrared technology and shit now hide in a tree. I fucking Yeah, we can fucking see pyramids 4,000 miles beneath the earth's surface. Yeah, I day to get into a hole. I want you to get in the I want you to get in the tunnel So bad we can figure out where they are with a like a fucking a local doctor's CT scan. Yeah, you guys are fucked if it's round two

55:27You're just there just with your fucking little triangle has been like they don't know where yeah, we're with the they're right there fucking we've identified you as well We know your names we've cut your internet history Two two years ago you googled bobs B U B S yeah, we go back with you we boos being like saw your internet history v at Kong 288 million searches for white women booms No, they know they like we like our women For real man if you guys has got so lucky in round one round two you're done. Yeah, yeah, it's finished for you. It's fucking finished for you Shut that tuck tuck and that pleasant warm greeting up your head man you guys have a sick of it

56:28Oh We've been going 56. I tell you what I will say very quickly what has been really really making me laugh Is the discussions around the USS Abraham Lincoln the aircraft carrier? docking in Thailand for two weeks and everyone just being like oh my god the prostitute's gonna make a fucking killing yeah, man It's like three and a half thousand at like Air Force personnel maybe personnel Americans you know what they're like when they fucking come here Yeah, yeah, just that just like dude. There are there are lady boys that are about to be the Queens of Ciam Yeah, there are there are those square payment things that are exploding in via the Yeah, man they're getting eroded by not being touched so much They're being worn down by the space between the air and the car just Yeah Yeah, the amount of light breeze that the credit card creates oh, yeah over multiple that thousands of soldiers a day

57:31Yeah, dude the whole the whole thing just Thailand in over the next two weeks if you put on microphone Just at the edge of like the stratosphere over the country. All you get to hear is Just card off the card off the card big time the GDP is getting raised Everyone's having a good time. Yeah, and also There's probably What I mean Thailand I'm Southeast Asia, but the Thailand is traditionally the lady. Is that where where are they again? Thailand they are in Thailand. Sorry. They are in Thailand. Well, I mean, that's just a nice time for everybody. It is I think it's good to know that the US military is actually kind of gay. Oh, yeah big time Yeah, it's the Navy dude. Yeah, all right P to the to a right P to a fart in Thailand So the Navy thing of the Navy is gay is such a fun joke because like they still kill people. Yeah Just cuz they're on boats Like what a ridiculous thing you such that's such a fair point Where's it gets so funny to be like oh no these these guys are violent ruthless killers. Yeah, there's no chicks

58:36So what are they gonna do yeah, but it's like they did just we've been to see fairing people since forever But suddenly if you receive you're a fucking gay totally gay if you take the seafaring job now It's the gay so that you can be in the military arm. Oh, yeah big time, but also, you know, it's fucking I get it your blood's up Your blood's up you're out with your boys. You haven't seen land for three months big time You're all fucking horned up most of you're single because you gay because you're in the Navy I don't like obviously and then you just have you're gonna fucking knock out a couple of circle jerks and circle jerks are a gateway drug to To gay to gay. Yeah, it's it's the first stop to go a Circle jerkness submarine Must be amazing. Yeah, I actually think that I think that's probably just a line of jerk It's the Navy SEAL military letting each other know they're there

59:40All the way to the dude looking through the Paris guy still jacking off And then Russian ship and then camera zooms into the Roger same thing, but from the Russian side. Yeah, dude They're having a jerk off This is how we solve this is how we solve disputes now. This is a international waters laws Yeah, we play a giant like submarine version of soggy say One of this out to submarines That's gross. Yeah, yeah, it's kind of gross But yeah, just tap on the shoulder come ready. Well the green light goes on. They all wipe the comb off the other guys roll back Being wipe wipe wipe wipe Oh, man All right, should we end there? I reckon we'll end it there. I need a piece of it. No, it's totally fine Ladies and gentlemen, um my first half hour from the river to the other place coming out September 11

1:00:40Please tell your friends. I'm sure and I know a lot of you already do but follow me and Alex on all the social media channels and shit sam bounding comic. That's where all the updates are going Do check it out. It's fantastic special and also we will be off next week Yes reminder. I'm again, I'm sorry. That is me. I am fucking same time. I need a week off from everything He's burnt out and you honestly you guys don't do that much for him by the way You're not fucking checking it on the I am Alex take care of me guys. This is the partner respect that that means a lot to me. I love doing this Yeah, the boy needs a week. I need a week off. I need a week off. Um, so next week we're gonna take off I think the patreon will still be going um, yeah, yeah, there'll be a patreon dropping next week patreon will still be going So that's no stress. Yeah, um, but then yeah, we'll be back the week after same as it ever was same as it ever was Same as it ever was all right much love team. See you gang