About this episode
How many times has conflict in your marriage led to a huge blow up? One person starts off by trying to share their heart and an hour later you're both left with more hurt than where it started? There's a reason this happens. Most of the time it can be found when the order of operation is broken.
The order of operation in math states that to find the correct answer to an equation, you must know what order to solve it in. When our conflicts go awry, there was likely a break in the proper order which is as follows:
1. One person is the designated speaker (let's say they are the ones holding the proverbial "talking stick"). They share their pain
2. The other person is the designated listener (they are not holding the talking stick). Their sole responsibility is to validate and understand what they speaker is sharing.
3. When the speaker feels heard and understood, then and only then should the talking stick be passed. And it must be passed by the speaker, not taken by the listener.
In this episode we list the ways we commonly break the order of operation and leave the speaker feeling invalidated or unheard. See if you can recognize where you've broken the order so that you can catch it next time.
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