The Psychology of Outsourcing Difficult Conversations to AI

0:00Hello my dear entrepreneur friends, so welcome back to another episode and this is audio only because this is one of those moments where I'm chilling in a couch. I am fresh out of a conversation with an expert in relationships and we just had almost two hours conversation on human connections and AI and all of that beauty. Now there's just something that I have been observing that I needed to mention today and if you have been observing the same phenomenon, welcome to the fucking club. We are in this together but there has been this increasing outsourcing for AI for difficult conversations. I actually had this conversation with the girls on the Poland's class where one of the girls said, well people are getting broken out with by AI right now and through text message you know how we used to get

1:03mad when people texted us and they break out with us through text message. Now it's going to be AI please write me a compassionate text message in which I you know how do I break out with this person basically like how do I do this? Please tell me because I don't want to take that confrontation that comes with having imperfect words and just like not knowing what to say or even cracking my brain on how the fuck am I going to phrase this. And so AI is beautiful because it gives you that synthetic empathy, that illusion of care when you're using it because the words are super nice but really they are not your words. They are just something that AI written and I feel like when we get those messages and now it's not just breaking up in business that could be a negotiation of a retainer that now is AI writing those emails or messages that could be an

2:05outrage that's important than it is it's feelings personalized when it's not really personalized it's AI that could be that could be someone firing you know like you fire someone and you send them a nice AI email instead of giving them dignity off seeing them in person. So our problems that were used to be around the medium itself is like why is this a text message? Remember like I used to get mad that my mom was texting me happy birthday instead of calling me and then calling me for something silly like okay how is it that you're gonna call me for that and not text me for this like that's just such a nice match and I feel like it's so interesting because now we've got use of AI our language is getting more sharper in a way but also easier right and it's not so much that you get you can get mad that okay why aren't you having this on a call with me why are you texting this to me when you could just call me or see me in person

3:09and trying to my face you know I feel like that's to me is where the mismatch is the added layer of AI makes human relationship even more complicated because it can sound like care like I said before and it can have zero fucking care and only carries that you're prompting it well and you copy-pasting the message that's where we are at and I feel like what has been the pain and the hurt inside of these interactions whether yes even if even when they were there was no AI the modality would still hit you if you get if you get text messaging which someone is breaking up with you it could still hurt you but you would be like okay this is just an asshole right but now with AI the words can sound really nice and it can still the person can hide behind it and not getting to contact with you and actually have a conversation with you

4:11we're actually taking the time to reach out and just you know finding a modality that works for both of you and so what has been now interesting and what I have been experiencing in the business interpersonal that a use of AI becomes this crotch in which people rely on to make sure that they sound good and so it's no longer about what to say like it's no longer about the words themselves it's more so like okay I can already have the words I can polish I mean perfection I can make them sound very compassionate and sweet it's like it's like the psychopaths you know trying to mimic the facial expressions of empathy and you know it's so funny it's just like using AI for that it's now something that has been happening and so what has been interesting to me as just recognizing that's what's happening that's the pattern that we are dealing

5:14with and seeing what are conversations that actually still need to happen in person and if that's the case especially in the age of AI how can we better equip humans to be able to tolerate the discomfort that comes with contact right because what you are saying is essentially is that especially in human to human contact there's nowhere to hide you cannot hide behind an AI message you actually need to speak to someone right and while there are still opportunities to hide if it's text message when it should be a phone call I feel like just having to tolerate that discomfort that comes with this imperfection of a human who is not going to give you the most optimized response and you're dealing with that I feel like more than ever feel people feel disconnected because you go to AI to talk about your business problems you're using therapy AI right to it helps you organize your thoughts and and almost like you get

6:19instant gratification because now you know the answer you don't have a sitting ambiguity because you don't know like it gives you this shield of oh no it's okay I can I can talk to AI and it's gonna be okay right but the problem is it's not replacing that ability to actually come into the trenches with the human and encounter whatever reaction data gonna give you even if you don't like it and how do we build a capacity to hold space for that reaction and for ourselves at the same time and much of that work is very very human to human in in the body of work I'm building into helping leaders to be equipped with the capacity that it requires to stay present in complexity to to stay grounded in in moments when the other person cannot in in helping you equip you to to empathize well into also know when to put those boundaries down at the same time

7:21and know when to speak up and dare to speak up much of the program self-express that I ran in June was around speaking up and and learning the consequences and bearing the consequences of that happening and letting people witness you in those moments in which you're still in you're attempting to do something that's difficult for you because you're not perfect at it yet and much of the interesting revelation that I have gained or teaching this program's life is that still there are many fields and areas in which you have to be in contact with human if you are working with humas and I had a physical therapist in in one of our programs and in her holistic approach and and that to be presented to people and and her not wanting to speak up and she saw something that was off and and it was it was difficult for her to bear the reactions of people ridiculing her

8:24approach or even looking at and how can we just not want to control that so much as see how we show up and how we respond to what's happening because that's still in our control right and it's so interesting to me how like those all go back to like contact like how am I in contact can I hold a conversation can I hold and stay with complexity I remember my cousin's daughter passed away in December it was very tragic and just having to sit with the father in his Spain and just sit through that discomfort of okay this is really difficult for you and and just sitting with someone who is occasionally speaking and bursting out to crying and speaking and bursting out to crying and just staying in that in that depth and complexity without being crushed by it is such a huge

9:29gift and and human nervous system help that you can provide if you do this and learn this capacity really really well to me it's it's everything and and on the flip side I completely understand the courage that it takes to actually stand up and say hey you know what here's how I feel or hey you know what I'm sorry unfortunately that's what's happening and then we need to let you go right like I wonder with firings ever happening everywhere people are being let let go of like I wonder how many of them was getting that through a fucking email vision by AI and you know I think that is just like the dignity of just giving them the dignity of speaking to them in person and not AI writing an email right it sounds compassionate so I feel like that's where we are headed where how can we

10:29equip people better to be good in contact how can we equip people better to be to be able to stay with complexity and being able to support and guide people through those complexities how can we raise awareness on issues that are AI distorting because it has apparently written a fucking sales page about exploiting people without you noticing that's what's happening because you don't even you don't even audit the output that extensively human to human guides and the people who are in this practice and I have yet to build that infrastructure you guys but the way I see this play out is is almost like having human to human leaders next to leaders who who show that side to them who help that be that compass on what the decisions are making and how they impact

11:31other people and how do we do better and our messaging and how does that impact people are marketing how how's that impacting people how what we say and how we sell and are we like fucking capitalizing people or are we being cognizant of how things are on the receiving end and my obsession with how people receive you has been with me since art of approach which I was doing in February because to me what I have gotten is a lot of really shitty messages and and and attempts and outreach and while you can empathize endlessly with such things and oh yeah poor human doesn't know they really need money they want opportunities it doesn't change from the receiver side of things like okay but that didn't quite land with me right it doesn't make you want to move

12:32closer to someone who is bombing their approach towards you it doesn't make you I mean you can give second chances if you want to but that obsession with how do I land with people like what I say how does that impact people and impact awareness was something I I talked about it before but to me is like how do I even like when I show off like what do I leave behind like what what is the response in some was nervous system when they hear from me and just having that understanding because I've been on the receiving end of of things like that where just there was no consideration whatsoever on how this lands with me and turning that back to other people and be like hey just be careful because if you're sending grandma passed away over a text message to your daughter maybe that impact it's almost like it's almost like you're dropping a grenade an emotional grenade on down and you walk away from the explosion and like I

13:36can't be bothered with how this affects you I can't give you the dignity of a phone call because yeah you know I'm just telling you the information as is and I think the more we can give consideration on the impact that we have on people okay because on the other side of a text message there's an actor human on the other side of a select message there's an actor human on the other side of a dating app there's an actor human on the other side of a vibrant what's up DM there's an actor human and the more we can be cognizant of that just because it's a text message or a select or an email the more equipped we are in being the person who's actually received well and this has downstream effects in not just business but in business as well I've seen people bomb collaborations because they are just they they lack the consideration on how a late invoice is

14:42affecting a collaboration they lack the consideration on how if you don't say thank you but you want to extract from the collaboration it's no longer mutually beneficial you lack the consideration if someone wants to raise prices on you because they value has increased and you shut them down that will affect the relationship quality itself more than ever and most of us in business of relationships even if you don't think you are you are because your buyers have a relationship with you and then experience with you your customers your clients your collaborators your your investors they are all in relationship with you and the more we can be cognizant of what that looks like and how to attend to it well and how to be showing up in them well the more we can retain them longer or let them go if they don't make sense but at least we can like them go with dignity we can let them go with goodwill that you know this mattered

15:47and just because this doesn't make sense right now or anymore it doesn't mean I don't value you I don't care about what happens to you next or I cannot think about okay you know if I no longer need to hire you because AI is not replacing what you do how can I make sure that I can give you a reference or I can send you to someone that or that I know who might needs what you are doing like those tiny things matter so much that's all I have for you I have art of repair coming up I have no idea when I feel like it's brewing and every single conversation is bringing me closer to its its creation and life and and everything is teaching me all of that in in real time but this is coming soon and I like you know when those come and it is something you care about you care about relationships and and you care about collaborations and retention and impact and how to build

16:51capacities around those aren't as well so you can handle this conversations in person all different prayer is going to be an amazing awesome program for you all right thank you so much for it is sending you to the content Placias on the couch I'm gonna go eat something because I'm super hungry bye guys