The Party Wasn’t for Me — But the Lesson Was

In the fall of 1987, just days into my freshman year at the University of Tampa, I was invited to my first real off-campus college party on Davis Island. I had an idea of what a college party was supposed to look like. Music. Food. Dancing. People having a good time.

What I found was a beach, a couple of kegs, no food, no music, and an environment where I was one of only a few Black students — and I didn’t drink. At the time, I could have easily dismissed the entire experience as a bad party.

Looking back nearly 40 years later, however, I realize that night taught me something much more important: how to maneuver in spaces that weren’t necessarily designed with me in mind. I didn’t have to drink. I didn’t have to pretend the party was my kind of party. And I didn’t have to change who I was. I simply had to recognize the opportunity that came from being there. That lesson followed me from college into the military, the workplace, the legal profession, and countless professional and social environments throughout my life. Sometimes the room isn’t designed for you. That doesn’t mean there isn’t something for you in the room.

Have you ever walked into a room and immediately realized, “This space wasn’t designed with me in mind”?

What did you do?

Did you leave? Did you try to fit in? Or did you figure out how to be yourself while still taking advantage of the opportunity?

I’d love to hear your story.

🎧 Listen to the full episode of IN THE KNOW with Tony Reeves, and then share your experience with me.

Sometimes you don’t have to fit the room.
You just have to learn how to move through it.

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