The Danger Zone: When It’s More Than Burnout

0:00Welcome to Ferra Fire Sign where feminine leadership gets rewritten. I'm your host, Dr. Cory Blake, nervous system educator experienced business strategist and founder of the Ferra Collective, helping women lead from pleasure instead of pressure. Every week we gather here by the fire for a quick, ho and hit of truth, strategy, and primal wisdom. If you're ready to lead without burning out, to trust your body as deeply as your brain, and build a life and business that feel like freedom, you're in the right place. Here at the Ferra Collective, we blend grounded science with primal wisdom, feminine energetics with strategic leadership and rebellious self-care practices that actually move the needle in your business, your body, and your life. This is the feminine leadership revolution. Let's dive in. All right, welcome, love. So this week we're going to be playing with the

1:02danger zone, okay? So when it's more than burnout, so much of what we talk about is stress and burnout and personal identity and where all of those come together. And this week I wanted to really take some time to talk about chronic burnout and alignment and how they can manifest in purpose-driven leaders. So I think so often women, leaders, especially those in purpose-driven professional roles that are really focused on the impact they're making on the world, right? Like we really are mission-driven and that can often, sometimes get a little bit confusing, okay? Especially when you're a human and you have things that you need that maybe always don't feel like they're as important as the cause that you're serving. So today we're not just talking about what we're doing. We're talking about moral distress and how significantly that can impact stress burnout and wellbeing. So let's just take a minute to levels that

2:05here on what the term moral distress means. So if you aren't in this world or haven't heard that term before, it's something that has been coined in the last 10 years or so. Mostly within the medical industry, the veterinary industry, the medical industry, has seen a lot of issues with mental health and the providers, right? And so burnout is rampant in professional cases like that. And they've started to re-quain burnout in these industries as moral distress. And I personally don't believe that they are the same thing. Moral distress is a component of burnout. It's a thing that can lead to burnout, but it is not the same thing as burnout. And so we'll talk about that in another episode. But so moral distress essentially is when you have a value set that's here and then you have another value set that's here, okay? And they're conflict. And so if you have conflicting value sets and you're trying to execute on both of them at

3:08the same time, but they're taking you in different directions, then a person that has that is going to have moral distress because what they're doing is they can't choose one or the other without feeling like they're compromising their morals in another way, okay? So that's moral distress. It's like feeling stuck between two value sets. I guess the best way to explain this is to tell a story. So as a veterinarian and a practice owner and a leader, I ended up kind of creating a situation where I was working really hard for the causes that I cared about. I was working really hard for my team. I was working really hard for my patients. I was trying to build a competent business for my family's well-being and at the same time, I was trying to be a good mom and a good partner. And oftentimes, those ended up conflicting, right? So the perceived needs that I

4:10thought were required of me as a leader and a business owner and a doctor. I am taking care of the patients whenever they needed it, feeling in for my team whenever they needed me. Making as much revenue in the business as I could to keep my family stable, to keep the business stable, to support payroll for the people that were working in the hospital and then being home in time to make dinner with enough energy to make dinner, being an engaged partner in my time-off, having enough energy to do that. They often felt like they were mutually exclusive. And so I remember kind of like pretty early on in my career joking about like, yeah, I wish I could get sick right now. It would be really great if I could get the flu because then I could actually stay in bed for the day and not have to do anything. Because that was the only time that,

5:14especially when my kids were little, right? That was the only time when I could feel okay with being still and not doing anything and not feel like I was slacking off of some responsibility. And so I just I remember thinking that you know we're saying that people at you know certain times. And what would happen over time is that I would notice that I wouldn't even give myself space for those things. So I would end up, you know, working through a fever or definitely working through a cold, right? Because I don't have a fever so I can go and it's fine. Or I even accidentally ran over myself one day, literally when they go, which is a whole other story. But I remember being like, I'm just gonna be like two hours late. Seriously, like, I'll be fine. Just gonna be like two hours late. Okay. And I remember my team being like, uh-huh. So that was kind of the way I worked, right? Like I knew I had to be there for surgery. I had patients

6:16that were depending me. I had sick patients that needed to be seen. I had a team that was relying on me to show up so that they could work and support their families. And I didn't feel like I had a lot of agency or a lot of choice and not even though it was my own business. And so there was this, um, this moment of clarity for me. One year, my kids were probably nine, eleven somewhere in that range. And we had gone on vacation over New Year's and we were at a party at a friend's house and our friends had built this potato cannon, right? And he was like, I use to do this with my kids all the time. So let's do this. On New Year's, it would be great. So he built this potato cannon out of PVC pipe and we had potatoes. And I think we had a hairspray or something, right? Like all ingredients were like a bad, a bad thing. And so, um, everybody fired off the potato cannon. It was great. It went too far. You know, made lots of noise. Everyone had a great

7:16time. And, um, came to my turn to fire it. And so I, you know, like, did the whole like hairspray lighter like thing. And I didn't position my hands, right? And so I, there was like major backflash from it. And, um, the entire palm of my hands and fingers were burnt like badly as in like within 10 seconds. I couldn't open my hand. It was that contracted. And it happened. And immediately I just, you know, stood up and ran to get, you know, hot, to get cold water, to get ice, um, put my hand in ice. And I remember my, my husband, like yelling after me, like, where are you going? Um, so I'm, I jump up and I go to run. And before I've even gotten to the kitchen to put my hand in ice water, um, the first, the very first thought that popped into my head was, maybe I don't have to do surgery anymore.

8:21And the relief that came, the first thought that popped into my head after getting a possibly disfiguring injury was, maybe I don't have to do my job anymore. Maybe I cannot do this thing I've been doing for the last 15 years. And in that moment, for me, it was very much like holy shit that's fucked up, right? What is going on right now? I would prefer to be physically maimed than do my job. There's a problem, right? But we don't always become conscious of that, right? And I know I'm not the only one that's had that experience. It's super sad, right? Like it's super sad to think of people that are that purpose driven that end up sacrificing themselves so much for their mission that they would rather be personally hurt so that the choice is taken away from them. That's really a big deal, right? And it happens all

9:23the time. So how did I get to that place? How did I get to that place? It was feeling as if I had an impossible choice to make, okay? As in, I couldn't choose not to take care of the patients that needed me. And I was pretty specialized in what I did. And there weren't a lot of other people that could do what I do. And so stepping out of that meant patients not getting the care that they needed. Like in large numbers. And that didn't feel okay. Decreasing the hours of operation meant the people that worked for me weren't going to have the hours that they needed. That our family wasn't going to have the income that it needed. But not doing that meant I wasn't showing up for my kids. I wasn't showing up for myself. I was

10:24crispy as fuck. I was totally depleted. And I wasn't a good partner to my husband. And so it felt like I had an impossible choice to make. And that in every way I chose I would be doing something wrong. Or not fulfilling an obligation that was really important either to me or to other people or beings that I cared about. So it was a real wake up call. So thinking about really calling attention to what are the warning signs, right? So for me, the warning signs were feeling stuck and feeling like there was no way for me to choose right. Looking forward to external reasons that I couldn't do the job. So I was looking forward to external circumstances that would take the choice away from me. So I wouldn't have to be the one

11:25to choose what thing I was abandoning. Those two things are major red flags, okay. And I think that so often we've been taught that the solution is to hustle harder to work harder. And you'll eventually get to a place where it's going to be okay and you're going to have that balance. But the message I really want to send you is that the hustle harder, hustling is yes, working is important, right? Like putting in your all is important. Being dedicated to a cause is important, but alignment is more important, okay? So you can be aligned and you can work hard and you can make a positive impact. But when you're not aligned and you're working hard, you're just striving yourself into the ground, okay? When you align those value sets, everything gets infinitely easier and your experience gets to be that much better, which means you get to

12:30be a happier human. And means you're going to be able to have an easier and better impact on all those causes that you care about. So noticing where there's work to be done, to bring yourself into alignment is really important. So I'm wondering for you, where are those places where you experience moral distress? And how do you think you might start to shift things so you could bring things into aligned? All right, loves. I'll see you next week. Have a wonderful, wonderful rest of your day. Thank you for joining me at the fire today. If this conversation sparked something in you, make sure you're subscribed so you never miss an episode. And if you want to take this work deeper, join us inside the Ferrer Collective, where we turn these insights into embodied leadership, real strategy, and lives that feel like freedom. So you can lead from ground to power, not from burnout. Until next week, take exquisite care of your energy and keep leading like the badass we were.