The Art of Backing Yourself, with Asher Keddie

0:00It gave me the opportunity to really find my voice and believe that I had something to contribute that wasn't performing. Hello and welcome to another episode of The Pay Off. I'm Sylvia Jeffries and we have something very special for you this week. We are talking to someone you would refer to as a household name. I love her. I'm such a fan of Asher Kitty. I think I've seen her in everything that she's ever done and she has very kindly and generously given me some time to talk about her life and her career and a brand new project today on The Pay Off. We're going to hear the story of how she became one of our most loved performers in this country. The moments, the roles, the characters with high anxiety, the neurotic ones, you know the ones who've really embedded her as a much loved Australian actor and performer. She's such a force. She's shifted now into production, going behind the scenes to create new pathways for other females in the

1:03industry. She's also got a new partnership with Laurie L and she discusses how this was more than just a business decision for her and how it really reflects where she's at in her life as an actor as a producer and also as a mother. She also tells an incredible story about the teacher who told her basically that she'd never make it and how that came back again to her later in life. So anyway, here is Asher Kitty. I love her. You will love her. You will love this chart. Please enjoy it. Asher Kitty, I am so thrilled to have you on The Pay Off. Thank you so much for giving me some time. My pleasure. I'm thrilled to be here. I've told you this a million times but I've been such a fan for such a long time and when I get you on the couch on today extra it's a treat but today I get to sit down and really take a look back I think on you know on your life and your career, the life and times of Asher Kitty. But if we can go back to the beginning in terms of you growing up as a young girl, when did you first have the idea that acting was going to be your path in life?

2:08Look, this is strange but because I started acting at the age of nine and I was performing pretty regularly between the age of nine and fourteen in mini series and you know in episode here and there and but bigger things like films as well and I guess though it didn't really land for me that that's what I wanted to do or what I was going to do with my life is pursue acting until I was about twenty. I kind of just got into the swing of being a teenager and you know part of an incredible group of friends and I don't think I really had the confidence until I was around twenty and I auditioned for the MCMTC for a play closer which I got an incredible

3:10play about Patrick Marba. It wasn't until I was on the stage performing in that and it was the first play I'd ever done I'd never even done a school play and I realized then oh this is fun you know this is actually this feels like home in a strange way this feels like me this is where I this is where I want to be. What was the first paid gig that you ever did as an actor? It was an episode of Five Mile Creek with Nicole Kidman which I still strangely remember shooting at the age of nine. What do you remember? What are your most vivid memories from being on set? I remember performing with Nicole Kidman. I remember meeting her and thinking she was really cool to hang out with. I remember and funny she was really funny and she's still funny she hasn't changed. I remember the costumes I remember these fantastic beautiful dresses and I

4:18wasn't a dress girl so it was a little bit uncomfortable but I kind of liked the idea of being in something I wouldn't normally wear as well so my love of costumes really began then in my first job. I really love costuming as part of what I do. It's a big thing for me developing character through costume as well but I remember saying they have me in these little shoes this is a memory from that. They have me in these little kind of merry-jane kind of shoes and I went oh I feel really uncomfortable in these and they put me in then these beautiful Victorian boots and I was great then because I could kind of you know low-paround in a very pretty frock with boots and it worked and it still was period and you know it worked for them as well. So all the little things like that I remember I remember the you know so many memories as a as a child when I was

5:20acting. I remember not so much the performance part of it but the the environments that I was in so you know the outback for four months shooting a new series of co-production with the US the last frontier. I remember just being able to ride horses which is my you know very big passion in life horses. I just was allowed to ride horses for four months and be filmed while I was doing it and um you know those things I remember the environment I remember the smell of things I remember the the the energy of the crews and uh learning so much about all the good and the not so good sides of adulthood because I was kind of mixing with adults I suppose at that time. But at that point in your life when you're still a schoolgirl was everyone in your life supportive of you pursuing

6:20a career in acting? No, no actually there are a couple of teachers that made it I feel looking back pretty hard for me actually to come in and out of school. I remember a couple of teachers pulling me aside unnecessarily literally I was very I was shy like I was not um uh particularly robust at that point I was resilient but I was shy and so I wasn't sort of coming back big noting myself or um saying I've been doing this I just wanted to even talking about it I just wanted to be part of the you know a group and and the cohort but I remember someone I wanted to point me aside and saying listen you've just got to know there's nothing special about you serious? Yeah and I remember that really hitting me wow my parents and and

7:21my friends parents and my girlfriends and you know at the time we were so I was so young when I first started that they were all very supportive my mum was worried because she didn't want me to go away like any parent she was like oh both of them were my mum and my dad I remember hearing conversations between them or my mum and one of her friends on the telephone or whatever and expressing quite a lot of worry about me going away but she was being reassured that I would be looked after and that she could visit every weekend if she wanted to or wherever we were shooting and that I'd have a tutor and a chaperone and all those things were in place but I got to say she probably did have reason to feel mildly concerned because I don't know that there was a lot of chaperoning going on there was certainly a lot of schoolwork like I had to be pulled off you know on an offset a lot to be chewed out which was kind of amazing having that one on one

8:23learning for quite a few years but there wasn't a lot of chaperoning going on and it would never happen today the situations that I probably was exposed to nothing really nasty but that you know it's kind of not appropriate for for kids and you know no bed times and that sort of thing no regular bed times though it was just an unusual way to grow up through those years really how do you think that affected you in the long term that sort of early exposure to a very adult world I think in some really positive ways but also you know I think through my 20s I I had some difficulty I don't know it's kind of weird because doesn't everyone have difficulty through their 20s I don't know you know what I mean like you're just growing up so much it's a crash cause in adult life that's where you date the worst blocs yeah that's it oh there are a few of

9:29I think though that that that mainly I had mainly positive a positive outcome from it so the great thing for me is that I grew up really absorbing and observing adults in a way that I think has probably helped me as an adult as an adult actor to understand behaviour and that's what we do right that's what we aim to do as actors we have to we have to absorb people's behaviour and their energy and understand it and work it out so that we can deliver authentic performances so I think because I was exposed to quite a lot of adult world when I was younger it probably lent itself to a fairly on perhaps a deeper understanding when I became an adult actor of of behaviour that may have taken me you know 10 more years to

10:35to kind of work out if if I hadn't had those experiences so I just see it as a positive really and look at the truth is it just was my life that's what that was my path I don't know any different I want to ask and I'm sure you get this all the time about love my way which was the first show with you in it that I you know I've really fell in love with the show but with you as an actor as well with everyone in that show if we're talking about authentic performances every single person in that show was beyond outstanding do you get people coming up to you all the time asking you about that show still yeah um yes it's definitely one of the the shows that I've done that people still talk to me yesterday someone spoke to me about it hmm and I love it when they say love my way as opposed to something else I don't know because it really was it was a very special show and it really was a very connected um team of people

11:46making it you know it was chaotic we were the content of the show was as you know um um exploring life and love but but you know all the layers of it through your 20s you're late late 20s to early 30s including children new families blended families um it was it was complicated and complex to it but we didn't overthink it I think this is why it worked really well is that myself and Dan Miley and Brenda Cal and Claudia of course Claudia at the helm leading us all um Sam Worthington all of us you know just had a really good time the writing was so good it was not difficult to understand we all connected really um well with our characters I think and each other's characters we kind of just got it it was just one of those magical kind of you know

12:53moments where everything comes together on a project and you have an amazing time and we went through a lot together too we were really growing up you know Claudia seemed to me like the most mature mature person on the planet but she was she was having she had a baby she was having another baby um she was producing I mean performing in pretty much every scene she was an incredible example for me now you know I uh where what I'm doing now took me a much longer than it took her um it was a very yeah it was a really interesting show I think from from an audience perspective it was such a a raw and true portrayal of of grief the likes of which you know had rarely been seen in Australian drama what was it like for you being on set in that final season um carrying such a heavy narrative it was fantastic to be honest because we were all going through so much

14:00and life had changed irrevocably because of the death of Lou and if I can just if I speak to my character what happened to her and Charlie played by Dan Wiley obviously was that the disconnect that became so untenable to live with really because of his grief and then being the step parent in that family that blended family gave my character the most extraordinary storyline to try and allow herself to grieve as well because she didn't feel she had the right to in a lot of ways to feel as much pain and she started you know making really dangerous choices because she was on a path to self destruction really I mean she was you know um she had lost what

15:04she built well she felt she'd lost it and so it was just such fantastic um unknown for me territory to explore you know I was 28 or probably 30 at that stage when we made that third series so complex and nuanced everything in that last scene it was it was just it was so powerful and it stays with people that show in such a special way I think um and then along came Nina Proudman in offspring which you know oh my gosh that that do you feel like that really catapulted you into some kind of new space in your life that show oh absolutely yeah for sure on every level I mean certainly as uh an actor you know it's a it's a very particular thing when you're if you're leading a show if you're and it is leading a show if you're in pretty much every frame of

16:06the show you're it changed me and helped me to grow as a performer in ways that I'm just incredibly grateful for it'll because of the um the pace of it each day because I was in every scene so I was on the floor with the crew with the cast different cast coming in and out all day every day I guess a certain relaxation kicked in because it just had to because I was so busy and that's the best thing that ever happened for me as a performer was to just finally relax so for me I you know it was a gift in so many ways that are obvious I guess um obviously it gave me to open up my world as as a performer and gave me a lot more choice moving forward about the projects I really wanted to talk to people about it gave me a voice that I didn't feel I had before

17:09then creatively I my confidence grew and it really was time you know I mean I was 33 or something when we started that maybe 32 33 and I I still felt really I may have appeared kind of robust on the outside but it really wasn't I was very sensitive and I was very unsure of not whether I could pull it off but whether I trusted myself to express what was inside me creatively I guess and be part of making creative decisions with these fantastic directors and producers it just gave me the confidence to own that so you know the amazing response to the show that in in jurors now I could it's it's it's extraordinary of course all those things changed my world and you know the loss of anonymity changed my private world as well that was a lot for a while

18:17so all those things but the thing that for me that really changed everything was my level of confidence and the ability to relax so that I could just really sit inside the work and telling the story without the self-consciousness that I had had up until that point is probably how do I what I'd say but offspring and you know I think a part of the the wonder of offspring and definitely the relate relatability of offspring was Nina's internal dialogue which as someone who has a tendency to catastrophes made me feel seen and I'm sure a lot of people agree with that as well did you ever contribute to what was being scripted and said in those internal dialogue moments and did did you relate to that side of Nina oh yeah I mean that so if I would

19:19receive a script each script for example I would go through it and make sure in particular that the the inner monologue was the inner dialogue was coming from a place of real authenticity but also you know you have to the funny in it it was what made it work and the fact that it it exposed her vulnerabilities was the fun part you know the whole show was like that it was just so fun to to show those vulnerabilities which up until that point we all felt we hadn't really seen in that way on Telly before in Australia so it was just so exciting to be able to do that and I get a lot of joy out of playing characters where you know you're able to express those vulnerabilities and embarrass yourself and things that we think inside our minds but don't express outwardly it was just so great to do that and it was such a fantastic way for the audience to connect with

20:24her as well and actually her true feelings but then she'd mark she put the mask on and mask them you know with people the public in the private is always fascinated me it still does in any character that I play and I think for with Nina it was a fantastic device so to really show how different the public in the private persona can be well you did such a good job of it you won a gold logo for it and you probably don't remember this but I always tell people my favourite ever loggies moment was my first loggies and I was feeling like just some battler hood somehow scored a ticket to like the best night in Aussie TV and I was in the lift at the Crown Casino in Melbourne and the doors open and you walk in I remember with baby vowel strapped to your chest and I think your mouth yeah baby I want to say it was 2015 and I was doing a Nina in my head

21:31don't look her in the eye I don't say anything stupid I don't look her in the eye I'm like don't embarrass yourself so yeah and then you turned around and she said I'm sorry I just have to say I watch you every morning on the today show and I was like yeah what the hell Ashiketti knows who knows I exist like oh yeah yeah I remember that moment because I guess you were just like every other mum with a newborn on the couch it was only ungodly hour trying to have a window to the rest of the world I was up a lot of the night for a year I have to say that kid just did not want to stop eating and nothing's changed he's still the same he's huge he's really tall and he's robust and I was like I knew when I you know when he was feeding in that that first year or whatever he was the you've got a really big appetite it was kind of a magical time really it was it was just fantastic and even though the whole thing was it do you know what to be honest with you I think I was so sleep deprived I can't really remember any

22:37of that night or that time that well I just remember the love I remember the feeling you know that for of being with him and enjoying him but I can't remember the red carpet that night for example I went over glue I was just in a bubble what do you do with your loggy where do you keep it they're in different places actually how many do you you've got the gold I think I've got six or seven there in different places like ones in a couple are in my husband studio there's some upstairs in what we call the big room downstairs like loads of bookshelves and you know and there's the gold loggy Vincent keeps putting it on the mantle piece here behind me like quite often he'll bring it out and he'll put it there not sure why he does that but I always seem to pop it somewhere else so so at this point in your career you've you've as you mentioned earlier pivot into the

23:41production side of the business and you've produced strife your most recent project which you've also starred in of course is Evelyn which is based on Mia Friedman's life starting up Mama Mia what what sparked your interest in the production side of the business again I think it was making offspring the opportunity on that show over a ten year period we shot that I did go away and have the baby but you know it was ten years for the seven series it gave me the opportunity to really find my voice and believe that I had something to contribute that wasn't performing and I've got but it's a really interesting thing performing you know you're in a very particular vulnerable place when you perform you have to be and actually though and I love I love going into that place but I also like stepping outside of it and solving problems and finding solutions and I'm very

24:47right-brained in that way like I kind of really enjoy all the things that you have to do as a producer and so it just I like the conversations I mean I just want to be in conversation constantly at work I don't I've never been good at doing a job and coming a project and coming to work and just sitting quietly um by myself preparing to go on set and deliver a scene I've just never been great I thought it's not it's not exciting enough for me or something else stimulating enough or I don't know I like being in conversation with people I like finding solutions to the myriad of issues that you face each day on a set when you're making a show and you're shooting you know up to 11 minutes a day 11 pages sorry a day it's like it's a lot um so it was a natural progression I think

25:49and I wanted to do it since offspring but it did take me a number of years to find the real confidence to put myself forward in that way and look at was really brewing a pap and dryer I have to say um that when we were making nine perfect strangers was kind of like to me she was like what are you doing like you have to produce you have to produce you should be directing you you know you you've ah she just really helped me to own it I think and say yes because it was time it was just the right time and since then I mean you know my creative life has just opened up so much it's so full I mean I just had a year at home not shooting and I was working every day pretty much um you know we were in post-production on the second series of strife strife for six months before that I was

26:53shooting shooting and producing fake and then in post-production for six months on that there's a lot of you go you know it's a lot of work each day um and then moving into development on the next project and so that that's pre-production you know a development and then pre-production is a lot as well so just feel very life feels very full in the way that I hoped it would so I just I knew it was going to happen at some point um but I look at just happened at the right time because when I was before when I was acting across the ten years of offspring and the other projects around it I was really busy it didn't feel like I had the capacity to take on anything is that then I got pregnant then I had a baby and I just I've had a stepson as well and a family you know and then well why would I take on something else but then when it happens you just do it right and that it you know something

27:56new comes into your life and new opportunities and timing is kind of everything when you're ready you're ready to try something and I just really embraced it and I love it I just love it I wanted to if there's a you know in an industry where you're sort of waiting to get the tap all the time is there's something empowering or liberating about becoming the one who gets to tap and and maybe carve things out the way Bruno did for you carve things out for other people who deserve it as well yes I love that part I love the casting casting's hard I have to say that's not an easy part of producing and developing a show and creating it it's with writers as well says a lot of people involved and a lot of opinions I wish I knew how many moving parts there were when I was a younger actor waiting for that tap on the shoulder um how much has to align for you to get a role it's a lot so being on the other side of that now I enjoyed that

28:59process and I love giving opportunity to as do my producing partners um but I would say like someone like image and banks is it incredible at nurturing new directors for example which we did a lot of on offspring um and giving people opportunities to begin she does that and she's I've learned a lot from her in that way that you've got to do that even though sometimes you might want to um work with someone again who you really love and I do that often um and you trust and it is his experience and you know you're just going to step in and it's going to be challenging because they're really great but you you do know that they can manage it and it's going to be the result's going to be fantastic right so you want to work with people repeatedly I'm up for that I like it however emo taught me long time ago that it's just so important to nurture new people

30:05as well and give them opportunity and she's so right it's wonderful to know that an actor's going to get a call when you've you've chosen them for a role uh and I know how that feels like it's fantastic you know you've recently announced another new element to this chapter in your life which is a brand new partnership with Laurie L congratulations yeah thank you and I have to so I was thinking I can't think of you aligning with other brands and things like that in the positive and clearly it's something you're very discerning about so how did this come about yeah it's my first ever beauty collaboration and there have been opportunities in the past and that just again it's a timing thing it just haven't hasn't felt like the right thing to do I really think with Laurel Paris that it happened so effortlessly the collaboration because I just feel like I am absolutely in that place in my life where I'm living and properly believing

31:15that their ethos and that you know that's been around of course since the not early 1900s 1909 I think you know they're messaging we're worth it and empowering women um challenging stereotypes all the things that Laurel Paris stands for I really live and believe so it just it was kind of a realisation I thought and also I thought how how great I just feel really open to exploring a space I've never explored before I'm really glad I said yes because it's been really enjoyable it's also like it's iconic like who who doesn't remember Andy McDowell in the ad growing up because you're worth it you know like this yeah you get to put your name next to Andy McDowell Eva Longoria Julian Anderson Kate Winslet I mean Helen Mirren all of this is incredible iconic women it's just really exciting actually and you know what they've done too when you when

32:20you look at that list of women they embrace women who embrace womanhood and aging and all the wonder that comes with that as well don't they yes yes absolutely as do I you know life's not really ever felt this good it's and you know I'm 51 now and it's um still feels really challenging but in ways that I really wanted to not ways that I've kind of find exhausting or um confusing I don't know it's a it's a it's a great middle life is a great thing like it's a great thing it's very empowering and and of course that has been helped enormously in the last five to ten years by our narrative changing vastly you know and the landscape for women changing enormously of course that has helped no doubt this mid-life time for women my age now um we're really owning it

33:25and it's not hard to own it it feels really good you know and and it's just so great to not have to apologise for who you are you know in a way that I think women in the past that wanted to embrace their ambition and pursue equal opportunities and I think that it we in some way needed felt we needed to apologise for that isn't it great living in a world now where we're just actually not apologising for it and we don't have to care either if people don't like what you're doing yeah that's your problem we all want to be liked we all want to be liked but I think what I'm talking about is the or what I'm thinking about a lot at the moment is that need for external validation that we all have at some point in our life or you know and I certainly had that need I just don't

34:33feel it so much anymore I don't feel it so much anymore I know what feels good to me I know when I'm feeling happy I look good as well and of course I want to and I want to perform well and there's lots of things I want and I but I don't feel the need to prove myself in a way that I spent 45 years doing I just it's it's a it's a good feeling yeah I hear yeah I think mother would kind of helps with that I mean I think it helps with me I think it gives you this like solid core of unconditional love and reality and perspective yes and your attention she's completely because it has to in the best kind of way obviously in the best kind of way so what's next what's next for you what can you give me a scoop on what are you working on beyond oh yes look maybe yes maybe strive where where we're talking I'm developing with

35:40Imagine Banks Bruno Papandreier and Steve Hutanski Katie Amos have made up stories where my dream team of people that made strife nine perfect strangers but also aren't fake was myself an emo emo um where developing a Sally hat worth book the soulmate at the moment with Fiona series who wrote love my way wow so she's also the dream team like I couldn't yeah it's really very exciting time and the story is incredible I think it's going to be I think it's going to be a really involving and complex process to make it and that's exciting I feel really up for that it's a very very intense psychological thriller fun what would you say to that that if you got to meet that teacher again who said you're nothing special what would you say to her

36:42interestingly I reveal this I was performing on stage once and at the end of the show the stage manager said to me there's someone out there who said she was your teacher and I knew immediately that it would be this person I don't know how I knew I just knew oh wow um this particular teacher that who had you know felt the need to really bring me down beat me down a bit I have no idea but now of course you know things are about other people not so much your own your own behavior sometimes anyway it must have been something she had a gripe that but I knew it would be her and I said no I'm not going out to say hello and at the time I just felt too frightened to do it I felt too frightened and lo and my whole I was right because

37:46I looked out at the wings and I could see that it was this person this teacher and I just was too scared to do it and I remember feeling very upset and that I didn't have the courage to go out and say hello but I still felt like that really hurt little girl belittled and undermined and hurt and so I chose not to go out if it had been today I'd have I'd have walked on out and said hello yeah that goes to show doesn't it these these small interactions that you can have with people um any day of the week and the lasting impact that I can have especially on a child like it's not a bad thing you know that that happens it's just because that that shaped who I am I feel there was one of the things you know I don't mind all those things but it's certainly as

38:46apparent don't you think makes you think quite consciously about everything you say oh wow and you know we all mess that up sometimes but I just think it's yeah it's something I'm really conscious of that what they're absorbing your kids around that yourself and your family and the people their teachers and the people outside and I feel quite protective of that with the boys but at the same time you know life is life and it's not always easy and you you have to you have to sort of roll with the way other people are and realize it doesn't sometimes doesn't have to do with you but yes it makes you conscious of how you're shaping them right as a parent in particular okay last question before I let you go because I know you've got a lot on your plate what is your favorite role that you've played ita ita butt troise yes you just you were ita I don't know

39:53about that I was it was just it was a tough production too I got us to say like that was whole but it I really I really liked that I really liked playing her water woman what didn't mean extraordinary changemaker did she ever tell you what she thought yeah and I can't remember her exact words to be honest because I was so overwhelmed when she was talking to me but she was very thank god she was complimentary and appreciated some particular moments that really are resonated and and the way I had performed them the choices I'd made she mentioned the choices I'd made and that she felt very very pleased about that is what she said so I felt yeah I felt very

40:54supported by ita it was great it was a fantastic experience I mean I was terrified like it was terrifying but but I really like I mean I kind of like feeling a bit scared each time you've got to have a bit of that you know when you go into a project this one I had quite a lot of that but I did it you know and I felt proud of myself for being as bold as I possibly could in that role I think you were amazing and whatever you do I will watch um and congratulations on laurel as well no one better to represent them oh thanks yeah I'm so excited for that laurel heritage any thank you so much for your time thanks silly and see you soon