Taylor Bonga: Feminine Leadership Depends on Nervous System Regulation

0:00Hello, and welcome to this episode of The Magnetic Woman Show, as you know, if you have been a long time listener of the podcast, I fucking love interviews. I love chatting with other incredible women, and today is no different. So today I am so excited to introduce you to Taylor Bunga, and she supports women in cultivating trauma-informed emotional mastery, secure, soulful connection, and core pattern change. She so beautifully blends thematic and attachment-informed and evidence-based approaches to support embodied leadership, nervousness and regulation, and relational awareness. So Taylor, thank you so much for being here. I'm so excited to dive in, but I always love to start the podcast with asking you to tell the audience a little bit more about you, like, how did you get into this work? You know, we love to give the little professional bio, but let's hear it straight from you.

1:03Tell us a little bit more about what you do and how you got into it. Thank you. Thank you for that intro. I'm so excited to be here and talk further about embodied feminine leadership and how your audience can take it a level deeper and step up in this world today. So yeah, I am a nervous system coach. A lot of people are like, well, what does that mean? And essentially, really teaching women new coping skills and patterns that they were not modeled growing up. So as we kind of mentioned before, we started this working with Millennial and Gen X women who grew up in those emotionally unstable or unavailable households or home styles and really giving them an opportunity to rewrite that story. And the reason I got into this work is I grew up with an alcoholic mom. So we had a lot of love in our home and a lot of normalcy and privilege, but we also had a hell of a lot of dysfunction.

2:06And when I became a mom myself, I saw a lot of that coming out in the way that I was interacting in my most precious relationships. And I didn't want to be that way. So I went on a 10 year journey and decided to culminate all of my learnings and teachings into programs and work that others can take at a more accelerated rate. I love that so much. And I know the concept of like emotional instability resonates with so many people because even if you didn't see it in your immediate family from life, no doubt within this. And that family that was occurring, like when I think of my own life, you know, a lot of that emotional instability came from extended family, which then, you know, blood into the immediate family. Yeah. Of course. And, you know, before we started talking, you brought up this term that I love that I

3:06know describes every single woman listening, cycle breaker. Yes. Because we are the women who are like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, this that has been occurring in my lineage and in the world for generations, clearly not working people. Clearly, like, clearly, let's change this. So let's talk a little bit about the nervous system because that is the basis of everything. But when you start working with women around the nervous system, where do you tend to start? I love this question because it is such a challenging place to work because of that hyper vigilance. That's one of the patterns that we work on right as women and who grew up in that time where we're constantly reading a room. And that's why so many of us are so fucking intuitive because we were conditioned to be

4:09like, let me make sure everything is clear before I interact with this space, right? And so we unconsciously just show up to spaces and we're like, we can literally read how everyone is feeling in a room before we even speak to anyone, right? And that's a magical gift. But where I typically start with people because of that hyper vigilance is just in the idea of responding over reacting. And I know because I work with like a lot of moms too. And when we have little children who are pushing our buttons and stretching our capacity and doing kid things that are so acceptable and tolerable, but weren't accepted or tolerable when we were kids, we get so reactive, we overreact and then we feel guilty and shameful for the things that we've said or done or how we behaved. And so really getting to the foundational core of just being able to create new processes in our bodies that allow us to have that like just that little bit of space to respond

5:16versus react in a way that we're going to regret later. Yeah. And even again, the vocabulary of responding over reacting hit differently in the body, right? And as you said, people, when we're in a hyper vigilance state and we react, there tends to be a lot more regret, which we know women carry so much shame like yes, from my perspective, and I don't know if they're science to back this up because why would they ever really research women in our emotions of having that we carry collectively that like shame for society, right? We're kind of the shame carriers and that's perpetuated in the patriarchy and with religion where we're constantly fed these ideas of what we should be ashamed of as women. And I personally don't have kids and as a woman in the world and as a woman who has a lot

6:17of mom friends like mom guilt and mom shame is a real thing. And so when you're in a cycle of constantly reacting because your nervous system is dysregulated, that just feeds and fuels shame, which keeps us stuck even longer in these cycles. So I'm curious like, yeah, how does shame show up for you? How does shame show up for the women that you work with and in the spaces that you lead? Yeah. Well, first of all, I just want to comment on the science behind what you're talking about because I don't know about like the collective shame, although I firmly agree with you. But I do know scientifically that due to like epigenetics and just the way that ourselves are made from mother to child, that we actually do carry patterns. I don't even know how many generations back it is, but I know it's from at least our grandma, if not more. I perfected the way that our eggs are created within wombs of the women and how they're

7:23carried on to us, which is so, so, so, so, so fascinating. Yeah. But yeah, I'd say like the shame really shows up in the ways of primarily, like I know you taught, said you talk a lot about the self-centered woman. And I love that idea because it's this shame we carry that I can't put myself first. And I can't have a loan time and I can't slow down. And all of these things that we were conditioned to believe, and if we do them, we feel ashamed or we feel guilty. For example, just resting, I mean, A, because we're tired, yeah, like God forbid, we're definitely resting because you can, you know, without feeling guilty. And so one of the things that I've really honed in as a message for myself and my clients is that rest is productive. Oh, yeah. Laughter for the rest is actually productive. And we, because of the society, we're so individualistic and we're so emphasized on

8:27productivity, like that's how I have to put it for people to believe that it's okay, which is insane when you think about it. Like, you're still being productive by resting is how we can interpret and understand and feel okay with resting, which is wild, it's insane. Yeah. And I just want to go back to what I was saying about like caring shame for society. What I mean is because patriarchy conditions women to be ashamed of a lot of things, versus men who are not ashamed for rest, who are not ashamed to mess up, who are not ashamed to file their eighth bankruptcy and start another business or to show their bodies or to take advantage of other people and their bodies, right? Like, I think that a lot of shame in our society is directed at women. Like, you need to feel ashamed, basically, of existing.

9:32And then that's, that's what I mean, like we carry, yes, you know, all of the shame that's meant to be felt for humanity is placed on women's shoulders, like, you'll be ashamed because you exist in a women's body versus men doing the exact same things or worse. And we're seeing you play out right now in the United States globally in the structures of power. Right? Like, how many women do we know want to live big, epic? I always say like iconic lives, and you need to have a lot of money to do that. And there's a sense of shame of like, who am I to have that, who am I to want that? And it's like, girl, you have a shit ton of money, you're probably going to open a dump thing, sure. You're not going to go around creating like a global trafficking ring, like, you know what I mean? And so I just think when we start to do nervous system work, there's this added benefit of, yes, like you feel safe in the moment, but you also get to work through this inherited

10:36and societal shame, guilt, fear that is placed on us as women. 100%. Yeah, that is, like, you nailed it because it's so true. And we do, we carry it within that nervous system from such a young age. We are so conditioned, especially those, and I know you do a lot of like, deconstruction of religion. I was questioning religion from the time I was like 12 years old, attending vacation Bible study, and I was like, are you guys sure, like, is it? You really believe us, like, really as a young kid. I really, really questioned and was like, how, what, you know, just like completely flabbergasted by what I was being taught, and I truly believe the women that believed in were, you know, grew up with those messages, fight against that even farther than I did, you know, just in a societal way.

11:38In my story, it was a little more around just generational cycles and patterning of addiction and things like that, you know, which can feed into that as well, but it's coming at us from all these different angles. Oh, my gosh, of course, of course. And I think that, you know, again, bring out the words that you said earlier as cycle breakers. I don't know about you, but for me, one thing I always say and try to remind myself is like, I'm the first one dealing with this, like truly on a really deep, nervous system level, subconscious level, like, I'm the first one in my lineage, at least as far back as I can see, that's addressing this stuff. And so it can feel really overwhelming and really, I don't know about you or the women you work with, but at least for me, I get a little sometimes like, find me, like, really, I'm like, what is this one, I have a reframe for you if you were my client.

12:42I would say, like, what is this teaching me, right? Like, what privilege do I have from this? What silver lining? And we gather from this hard shit, this new, you know, pressure or responsibility that we have. And on that note, too, I do believe that the generations before us, like had their parts in changing cycles that they were up against to that point, you know, so much more about the brain and the nervous system than it is when my mom was raising me, you know what I mean? So like, we do have a new level of it, but I do, I have to credit my ancestors to being the feminists of their time as well, you know, and appreciating many of the cycles that they gifted to me, right? And like remembering that we need to carry forward those beautiful things as well.

13:46And that's a really great reframe. And I know so many women are going to, like, take a sigh of relief because it can feel and it is really intense at times, coming up again, breaking these cycles, coming up against, you know, moving from reaction to responding, coming up again, the healing of the nervous system in a way that was not modeled at home or with the adults growing up. And especially if you have kids being the one who's modeling something different for your kids. And I imagine, I mean, I'm curious for you and even the women that you work with, has that been hard, like, on a familial level to be like, okay, family at large, like, I know that everybody has done it version A, trying version B, and only version B is allowed

14:53now. Yes, yes, yes, that thing called boundaries that no one in the family has ever practiced before is, or enjoy a hardship and I'd say a common challenge that many of my clients face. And it really starts with that nervous system capacity of being able to, like, hold the space for other people's disappointment without actually changing your narrative or direction on the subject. Let's talk a little bit about that because that, I think, is one of the most challenging for women in general. The women in my community who tend to be high achieving, like, former, good girls, former people, please, there's, because we're taught at a very young age that are sense of safety and are sense of self comes from how others react to us. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And so when we're having those times where we're disappointing others, I like to call

15:54this emotional caretaking for other people. So when we begin to overly emotionally care take for other people's experiences, we are no longer in our embodied leadership. Yeah. And I can say, I've had, I have a perfect example of this. I have a client from, well, she's been with me for years, like, since the inception. I've been coaching since 2019 and she had an eye roll moment when we first started working together because I was like, you are, you know, the leader of your family. And whether you believe it or not, your energy dictates how other people follow. And there was that eye roll moment of like, how is that possible? And then by the end of this, like, six month coaching program that I have, she couldn't believe how true that felt to her. And so over the years she came back, she came back, she came back, she worked the work, right?

16:55Because it's not like this thing that you just learn and go and do and then it's over in your onto your life. Like it's a constant evolution of yourself and different leadership abilities. And you begin to, they begin to sort of looking for it like pile up on top of each other right and create momentum and open up new doorways for new skills and new ways to build the relationships around you. And so over this course of like seven years, you know, she had been modeling the things that we've been talking about, about this nervous system regulation, about creating new boundaries with her family, which was really difficult to hold especially with her mom, which I know so many of us struggle with that particular relationship. And just in the past year, that particular person, you know, she just held that embodiment, she held the leadership for years and years and years. And the mom had finally responded in a different way than she ever had before started going

17:59to therapy, started really becoming curious when they had conversations instead of reacting to the way that she was coming to her with these new loving boundaries. And so it just goes to show you that as an embodied leader, you influence others, whether you believe it or not. And even if it's not overnight, it takes a lot of time. But by you being in that role, other people are learning how to do that too. So beautiful. It's amazing. And we're talking about, right, like that generation of women and my mom is no longer alive, right? So that to me is like, she really struggled. So it's really a blessing in disguise, you know, but I don't get to see that in my life. And so to hear that from other woman that like, this work that I have been doing is so powerful that it's actually my mom and I have like the best relationship we've ever had

19:03in our entire life now, but like that amazing, powerful and now is going to go influence her friend. That's going to ripple out. Oh, and so the ripple effect just is just priceless. That's so amazing. Now I want to loop back to emotional caretakers because we as women have a tendency to do this across the board, not just in our immediate family. One way that I see this show up a lot with women is in relationships, romantic relationships, especially if they're in relationships with men. Because, rumble, please, surprise, surprise, we've been told, we are in charge of caretaking men's emotions, grown men's emotions, right? And so I think that for a lot of women who are, consider themselves, see themselves as leaders who've done a lot of work, one area where emotional caretaking still takes over

20:08is in romantic relationships. Is that something that you see with your clients as well? I do. And that's something that's brought up often. So I actually have this program, it's opening up to more clientele next year, but it's mainly been for moms that are of like our age and things of that nature and they sign up because they want to like interact with their kids better. And then month three, when we've started to do the inner work and we've all started to like really gain the trust and, you know, rapport with everyone else, the truth be told, they're all there because they're struggling in their marriages and in relationships with their partners because they feel undervalued, they feel like they're carrying the mental load. They just feel like everything is very unfair, which is if you look at the gender roles of our society, true, just up, right? Micro micro, micro situation, totally. And so they do, they have to learn how to use their nervous system capacity, their communication

21:13skills and their boundary setting skills to actually like, re-teach those people how to have a successful relationship with them because at the end of the day, and this takes a while to get to, it's like, you're not happy. And that's a hard thing to gain awareness around and then also, but when you do that, right, that awareness and that little bit of rupture, honestly, like, I am a firm believer and I always say this, I'm like, break down to break through, baby, we have to win things are falling apart, win there is conflict, that is just if we choose to see it in this way, that's the portal for the expansion and like that deep intimacy and connection that we're all craving. But when we can't look at it with that lens, then it just is friction and misalignment. Yeah. Yeah. And I think, you know, a lot of, it's the nervous system, at least this is how I see it

22:18and of course I'm totally open to your perspective with this as well. And I think some work is such a core foundational piece and I think for a lot of women in the year 2026, what's happening is what's playing out in their intimate life, like whether that be romantic relationships or with motherhood or with family dynamics or in working career for up until recently, it's been like, oh, this is a me thing. This is a me thing I have to fix versus I think what's happening is a lot of women are realizing like, no, these are systemic issues that are playing out in your intimate life. And there is, you know, a personal work to do in these spaces, like nervous system capacity work, like, you know, emotional regulation work. And like you said, admitting as well, like, you know, and I say this to friends of mine

23:19who, especially our mothers who are in partnerships, I'm, I say, I'm single and child free by choice. I'm actively choosing. Great. Yes. Amen. And I, you're right. And I have friends, like, of course, like I said, who are mothers who are in relationships and they like, I feel like I'm carrying the mental load. I'm like, no, you are carrying the mental load. This is not something that you're just like, it might be happening. That is what's happening. I feel like I'm undervalued. You are being undervalued and it gives a real power in, you know, like you said, really recognizing like, I feel like I might be a little unhappy to like, no, I am unhappy with how this is playing out. I am unhappy with how these systemic, like, uh, ways of being in the world for mothers and wives is playing out in my life. And like you said, the breakdown to break through, like, and I'm not available for it anymore.

24:20Yes. Yes. And I think, I think, at least for me, one thing that I really focus on in the work that I do in my content is like, helping women realize that these things that often we think are like, oh, maybe it's just me, like, maybe it's just like, I can't make it work. Or maybe it's just like, I'm, I personally am so co-dependent and I'm caretaking in my relationship versus like, no, this is like, this is how we were conditioned. This is how we were raised. This is how society tells us to be. This is what we're awarded. And guess it's playing out in your personal life until like, let's look about switching that. But a level of like, this isn't all just on the individual, right? Yes. 100%. So I'm also in my master's for counseling. So I'll be, yeah. Amazing. I'm turning this like a business here shortly and soon. Yes, baby. That's incredible. But that is like the theory that I plan to orient from is this feminist lens of like,

25:27they're really, truly can't be individual change and they're can to a certain extent, right? Yeah, of course. It's systemic change. And how do those factors like you're saying play in to the mental health issues that we're having as women, which is largely evolved, evolved around that inequality that we are seeing on micro level in our lives and it is difficult when you're in, you know, like me and many of my clients, a long term relationship where things have been a certain way where that person was raised a certain way, and things have been a certain way for an amount of time, but we were lifting the veil and like, this is happening on a planetary level, right? Oh, my God. We're feeling it because there's so much light coming on to this planet and people are waking up to a new way, right? This is very updated and when that revolution, that realization kind of comes through, it

26:33can kind of rock a relationship of like, well, what do you mean? You're not available for this anymore. You have. Yes. Exactly. What's changed? What's different? Exactly. And so that's the whole right level of navigation and bravery and courage to be able to navigate that. So much bravery and courage. And this is why I say, and I, like, this is a hill, I will die on, I have been dying on, metaphorically for years, the masculine doesn't lead shit, okay? It's always been the feminine and especially now, it is the feminine, that's leading. It's the feminine that's leading these systemic changes starting in the home. It's the feminine that's like, no, I'm not going to be the overgiving martyr of a mother sh, you know, showing my came in yet again for another generation that women are just so self-sacrificing and only accept crime. No, I will not be the woman in a relationship who is the emotional caretaker for a grown

27:36ass man who can't get his shit together, like, no, you know, and it really is the feminine, the women who are like, no, here's the line in the sand. And then with the work that you do is vital, the nervous system capacity to work to hold the discomfort of, this is upsetting him, this is upsetting, this is upsetting, the other moms at the PTA when I'm like, no, I'm not giving up my 18th Sunday in a row for you people. You know what I mean? And that's just me threatening again, I'm just assuming. But I think, and this is one of the reasons why I am hosting the embodied feminine leadership revolution, which you are one of the in front of, because I think right now, where we are in 2026, like, yes, we can zoom out and be like, there's so much like coming in, there's so much consciousness that's evolving and simultaneously, like, on a human level,

28:38there is so much pain, there is so much suffering, there is so much coming up in our political systems and the power structures and health society has been set up and it was really important for me to gather women who are using their voice, their platform and their work to make micro and macro changes and who aren't afraid to use their platforms to speak out about their morals, their political perspective, because I personally believe if you're a woman and in business, that is political period. And if you have a platform, you owe it to the people, to use your platform for something good. And so that's one of the reasons why I'm so excited to have you as well as so many other incredible experts. So if you want to join us in the event, it's completely free. And you can go to the link below to sign up for free and get access to Taylor and all of the other experts have contributed such incredible gold.

29:44And I'm just, I'm so, so, so excited for it. But I want to get back, Taylor, to, as we begin to wrap up, what, what if anything is still like coming up for you that you want to share with the audience, whether it be, you know, what we're talking about, right? Let me think in just for a moment. Please take a moment here for them. I just think if you've been listening and this conversation has been resonating with you, that you are the leader of your own life and you get to choose each and every day the very next best step. So if you're unhappy in that relationship, maybe it's steady and great, but you're sick of the same cycle showing up, or maybe you do have that strange relationship with your mom, or maybe you are feeling that mom guilt for the way that you've been treating your family. Like, and to be fair, like so fair with everything we've been seeing in the world and the amount

30:45of social media that is like in our face, just like ripping down our nervous system layer by layer, like it's also valid and so just whole deep compassion for yourself and come to the summit, come learn from women who are living the work themselves. Like that's what I always say to my clients is like, yes, I am an expert. I have a lot of knowledge. I've done a lot of research. I've done a lot of work, but I am walking the walk right next to you. You are exactly. Exactly. Right. Like, there is no hierarchy here and that's what I truly believe in where we're headed in this world is to a matriarchal society where women are at the center where there are interconnected support systems where it's not a patriarchal hierarchy and the only way we can really move forward with that is to wake up, to really be the embodied feminine leader that we are born to be and to be brave and courageous in that path.

31:47Yeah. And I mean, you walk the walk so beautifully and I think again, especially those of us who tend to be overachievers can be like, walking the walk enough and so one thing I always want to remind women and especially if you're here watching the podcast and or you have or are signing up for the event, chances are you're already walking the walk in so many huge seismic ways and it's really important to note like what you're already doing and of course, wanting more, wanting deeper, wanting, you know, to take it to the next level is normal natural. Like, that's part of life. That's how we're wired. Exactly. And so again, like with you and the work that you do, you're doing it in such beautiful seismic ways that, you know, especially with the example you gave of that client, like

32:48the ripple effect is just probably beyond your own comprehension of like what you've done. And so I just want to thank you so so much for being here for your wisdom and for being part of the event, which again, if you want to join us, the links below and if you want to check Taylor out on her social medias, those are also linked below. So make sure to go do that, follow her, share this episode, tag both of us, any last parting words Taylor? I just want to say thank you and to all the listeners, like definitely celebrate yourselves in the ways that you are making a difference because to those overachievers, you're doing a lot and you need to recognize and celebrate yourself. So I'll leave it with that. Amazing Taylor. Thank you again so much for being here. And thank you to everybody watching or listening to the podcast and we'll see you next time.