TAKE THIS PERSONALLY: The Matchmaker’s Guide to Finding Real Love

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2:00price and participation may vary, cannot be combined with any other offer, single item at regular price. Ba-da-ba-ba-ba. Take this personally. What's more, give it your spin. I cannot close up the Love Month series without bringing on a true expert in the field of love. I watched the materialists and now I'm fascinated by the world of matchmaking and how it all works. So, if you're curious too, or one of my single friends out there, this one is for you. It is the Love Month. So, of course, I had to be joined by a matchmaker naturally. I feel like I would do a disservice on this podcast if I didn't. So, please welcome, Alessandra Conti. Thanks for coming on.

3:00Thank you Morgan. It's so nice to be here. I'm excited to talk to you about all things, relationships and love. But first of all, how did you get into the matchmaking business? Oh my goodness. How did I get into it's now been almost 14 years, which is so wild. It's just so wild to me. So wild to me professionally anyway. But my sister and I, we always set up our friends when we were young. It was just what we did. We liked to refer to ourselves as like sandbox matchmakers. So, we were like in the sandbox, saying, oh, Johnny, I think you would be great with Jessica. We just always would set up our friends before it was socially acceptable. But yeah, then I graduated with my undergrad and my sister was graduated from Oxford with her masters. And we just always had this dream of moving to L.A. and starting a matchmaking company. Like it was just always what we did

4:02through all the stages of life. And so when we graduated, we moved to L.A. And then we really just hit the ground running. And I'm skipping a whole lot in between from our prom setups. And even through college, just always matchmaking our friends. But yeah, so we moved to L.A. Now, like I said, almost 13 years ago, which is just so wild. And we started our company and it started so organically, just going out and meeting these incredible people. And then starting our business and we started with one client and then it just snowballed. And now it's been almost 14 years now. And we have a team of matchmakers. And they're just so incredible. And so yeah, it grew very organically. It grew very organically. I'm skipping a lot of it. But that's I think the general gest of how it all came. Naturally, I have to also ask then,

5:03have you and your sister set each other up on any dates or in any relationships? I actually set my sister up with her husband. So she's now married with three kids. I introduced them. Dan, yeah, I introduced my sister and her husband. I want to say now, like almost seven or eight years ago. And it's just it was so beautiful. I met him volunteering at church. And then we went to a party. And I was like, Christina, you need to meet like the most incredible man. This is Dan. And yeah, now they're married. They've had they have three kids. Sadly, they moved to Nashville. You're in Nashville right now. Yes. Yep. There were I am. Oh my gosh. That is so beautiful. It's such a great place to raise a family. Like it's it's so beautiful. It's so beautiful. Oh, it definitely is. So does that mean she left the matchmaking? And does that mean she is not still actively trying to set you up?

6:04No, no, no, no. I have the most incredible partner ever. I'm obsessed. He's amazing. I have been through it in my own dating life as well. Because I was a single girl just dating in L.A. And there's nothing like more traumatizing than dating in Los Angeles. It is a really it's a difficult city. But I feel like a lot of women feel like that about their cities. I know for me, it's so incredible because I can really come from a place of viscerally understanding how difficult it is for women. And just all of the emotions that you go through as a woman that genuinely wants to meet her person and wants to meet her partner. I failed so many times. Like brutally failed. Like all I was like, wow, I really botched that. Like I really didn't see the signs. That and so I understand that if this is my profession, if I can be,

7:06if I went through what I went through, I know how the girls, I just have such a heart for the single women. And you too Morgan, that's how I found you. And that I just saw your video and I was like, oh, she gets it. It's tough. Very much so. And I'm right there with you now being engaged and finally having found my person. I still have it for the single girls and the single guys out there because I know how rough it is in those streets to find your person to date, to just put yourself out there constantly. All of those battles, I know that are so difficult. So I do want to get into it with you. Talk to me about why it is so many people think their city is the one it's so hard to date in. Why is this a common theme that we're seeing across social media? And everybody has these relatable stories of, I live in this city and it's so hard to date here. Yeah, I think it's this thing that I like to call city fatigue syndrome. When you've been in your city for too long,

8:08you almost, you feel this fatigue. You're like, like, dated. I've done enough. And that I think also is exhausting. I think the women are just like exhausted in their cities. Every city has different types of men, like I know in LA, the guys that live on the west side are very different than the guys that live on the east side or the guys that are in Beverly Hills, Bel Air are a lot different than the guys that live in like Redondo Beach and like the South Bay. And then even like different communities. I'm a proud Christian girl. I love the Christian men and women. But we don't only match with Christian men and women. We're working with Jewish men and women, Muslim men and women, agnostic, like all of the types. And in each of the communities, even in the Jewish community, there's like the Persian Jewish community.

9:09And there's a struggle where I know with one of our clients, it's this little bit of a struggle because it's like, we find these amazing men that are Persian Jewish. And then we're like, oh, this is the guy. And then she's, oh, we literally grew up together. Like we grew up together because these communities are really small. So I think even if you live in a big city like LA, it's really challenging. And even in Nashville, our matchmaker is primarily in our clients, primarily our LA based. But we definitely get some outside, some like Nashville, when they're doing like a national membership, which means that they could meet a member from anywhere in the US. So we have everywhere from all the way from New York. We have Colorado, we have DC. So we have clients that are all over, but they're doing a national membership. And because a lot of them are like, I'm just feeling like I know the types of men in my city and I'm done. But I also, I don't know.

10:10I just don't, I don't agree with it. I think that if a woman is feeling fatigued, or if a man is feeling fatigued in dating in his city, it's just take a break from using the dating apps. Do a date cleanse. Take minimum one month to just get off the apps and just cleanse. And then revisit. What do you think, Morgan? What do you think about this? I get it to a certain degree. I understand in general that cities are hard to date in. Like I always realized in Nashville specifically, that we had a lot of dreamers in the city. A lot of people would come here and then they'd leave. And I think you have that in a lot of big cities. You have a lot of dreamers. I think you have people in smaller towns who don't ever want to leave. And then you also have dreamers in there. So the problems remain the same, right? They're the same. They're just in different communities. What I think is exactly what you said is that dating is exhausting.

11:12And that's actually what's happening is we get tired of dating. If you look at the population of a city, it's massive. You don't know everybody in it. You might know everybody in your community, but you don't know everybody in the city. So you definitely haven't gone to the ends of the earth to try and meet every single person physically impossible unless you spend 50 years doing it. But more than that, if you do so much of it, you're going to be exhausted. And that's what we're seeing. We see people get so exhausted and they're like, it's just to be my city because this is where I live. You get used to an environment that you're in. So naturally, you're going to take it out on that environment. And I was the same way. So I can't preach that it's wrong because I did the same thing. Yeah, exactly. And then I think people then bring that energy when if you're exhausted dating and you bring that energy on dates, oh my gosh, like what? This is not the way to go. Because then the person is going to pick up on, they're going to pick up on that energy. And they're going to be like, okay, what is going on here?

12:12She's bitter. She's exhausted. Like she's, and there's nothing worse than a person complaining about dating on a date. There's nothing worse. And I feel like people think that, like people forget that, oh, I'm meeting a brand new person. And all it takes is one person. That's all it takes. You know that, Morgan. All it takes is one. And then everything can change. But you have to kiss a lot of frogs. A lot of frogs. And you know what? Sometimes you don't actually have to kiss the frogs. I think it's like a lot of women are like, oh, I have to kiss all the frogs. I'm like, well, maybe you don't actually have to kiss them. Maybe just. You can just go to the pond. But hang out. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. No need to kiss them. Just allow them to hop away. If they're not your prints, and that's okay. But yeah, I think gosh, it's, yeah, it's definitely super challenging. But all it takes is one. All it takes is one. Yes. Very much.

13:12And it's always the wrong one until it's the right one. And that's what we go into. And that's what you hope with dating. I do want to know from a match banking perspective, how do you prepare people to be matched up? What are the questions that you're asking? What are you trying to get them to think about themselves? What is the preparation for them to be matched with somebody? Yes. So what we do at our company, we do what we call a best match interview and personality assessment. So essentially we are ideally with clients. We're meeting with them in person. Our office is Beverly Halls. So we meet them. It's so cute. Oh my gosh, Morgan. Next time you're in. Next time you're in LA, you have to let me know you'll come to the office. We'll go to Dante. We'll get martini's for martini hour. Oh my gosh, it's so lovely. But so yeah, our office is right off row day, which is it's such a blessing. Oh my gosh, how fabulous and fun. So we have the clients come to the office, and we meet with them in person.

14:13And it's so good also to meet them in person. I think like real matchmaking happens when you're in person because you can again get the sense of the person's energy. And yes, Zoom is fine. And a lot of our data interviews have to be conducted via Zoom because it's usually like we have to do a lot of interviews of potential matches for the client, versus with the client. We're meeting them one and one. It's just a lot fewer clients, versus potential matches for them. So a lot of matchmakers, that's usually what happens. Actually not usually because some, it depends on the matchmaking company, the size of the matchmaking company, all of that. But with us, we try to meet all of our clients as in person as humanly possible. And yeah, we do the best match and review and personality assessment with everybody. So what that means is they meet with one of the matchmakers. So I'm, I work alongside the team of matchmakers, even though my sister and I started the company all those years ago. I luckily, and to be completely honest,

15:14working as a matchmaker is emotionally exhausting. So I have learned that I can manage a small number of clients that are my clients, and I will go to the end of the earth. And I know how sensitive I am and like, I really want their success. And I become obsessed with, I'm like, I need to find, I need to help this person. I really, really love my clients. But with the team of matchmakers, it's so wonderful because I'm able to help the other matchmakers. So I'm able to do go to different events and scout and meet different potential matches. Like, back to some of our Jewish clients. I love the Jewish men and women because I also am very entrenched in the Christian community. So I think it's so fascinating. Like, the Jewish community is so strong and they're just a lot of the guys are amazing to matchmaking. They're just like, I love these. I love the Jewish guys. They're so great.

16:14So I, the other day had gone to this event and it was, oh my gosh, it was such an incredible event. It was one of the hostages was speaking at the Beverly Hills Sinai Temple. Oh my gosh, talk about. I have been changed for good. But I went and I'm at this event and one of my girlfriends who's also a matchmaker. She works for our company as a consultant. She's amazing. She's a Jewish matchmaker. I also introduced her to her husband. I was made of honor at her wedding. Plus, plus, plus. But anyway, I am so tangeting right now. But it's when I'm going to an event and I'm meeting these, I'm meeting these like great single. They could be older. Like I'm at like a six-year-old, seven-year-old man. And it's great because I can be like, oh my goodness. I'm a matchmaker. I know the client you could possibly be a great match for. Let me get you booked in with one of the other matchmakers

17:14to do your proper interview. So then I push them to the other matchmaker. Or if it's, yeah. So it's just, it's a really fun job. I feel like at this stage, I'm so blessed because that's a big part of my job or just is just going to these different events and meeting really interesting people. That could potentially be great matches for the court. Like for the matchmakers and the city clients who are working with the team of matchmakers. So I then don't have to deal with all of the actual matchmaking. I can just be like, oh, I think this is a great puzzle match. And then, but yeah, we learn all about them. All about every bit. We ask the tough questions. And we ask, have ever cheated in a relationship before. Ideally, what are your plans? What's your ideal relationship goals? What is your intention? Are you dating with the intention of marriage? We literally ask and especially in 2025 or 2026.

18:16We have to make sure. Are you looking for a monogamous relationship with one person? There are different questions now that we ask that are, it's really interesting the times. Hi, I'm Cindy Crawford and I'm the founder of Meaningful Beauty. Well, I don't know about you, but like I never liked being told, oh, wow, you look so good for your age. Like why even bothers saying that? Why don't you just say you look great at any age, every age? That's what Meaningful Beauty is all about. We create products that make you feel confident in your skin at the age you are now. Meaningful Beauty. Beautiful skin at every age. Learn more at MeaningfulBeauty.com. Are you a fraud-paying American? It's a fact that one in four honest, hard-working, tax-paying Americans has been a victim of identity theft. With life-lock identity theft protection, though, if your identity is stolen, they fix it, guarantee it,

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20:17Yes. Girl's trip to Tuscany! Oh, Renify doesn't do that. Visit Renify.com to receive a text to see if you qualify for up to $750,000 to renovate your home with Renify. That's R-E-N-O-F-I.com. N-M-L-S, number 1802847. Terms apply. Not all borrowers are property qualify. Equal opportunity broker. Dear McDonald's, your breakfast menu? Fire! Tens across the board. I could be happy with anything. Even though I ordered the same thing every time. Thanks for not judging me. I'll try something new next time. Maybe. Score a two for $5 deal in a sausage muffin with egg? And more. Limited time only. Price and participation may vary. Cannot be combined with any other offer. Single item at regular price. Ba-da-ba-ba-ba-ba. Obviously get clients. People come to you because they want to be matched up with somebody. And then once that happens and you go out to these events and you do these things, I'm assuming you're seeing people and just introducing yourself like in these situations

21:18to see if they're single if they might be interested because they could be a potential, at least physical match. And then you start to do a full interview to then take that next step and see, okay, is this also a personality match up? Is that kind of what's happening? And mind you, my limited experience of this is from watching materialists, the movie. And that's all I got. Was the one movie that is out about match triggers is just they're all with materialists. At the first few minutes, I had never felt more seen. I was like, oh my gosh, because they were doing the interviews with these people. And the guy was like, he was in his mid 40s, I think. And he was like, yeah, just I'm ready for a more mature girl. And she was like, oh, great, okay, like 30s. He's like, no, no, no, no. 20, like late 20s. I'm ready to go above 25. I watched that and I was like, oh, I've never felt more seen. But the rest of the movie, I was like, what, how did it go so off the rails?

22:18In my whole career, I've never heard of a man getting that leg surgery, like spoiler alert. If you guys haven't seen the movie, they do this leg surgery. Like, what is going on? Never have I ever had a client nor database member. And we've worked with thousands of people at this point. Never have I ever. And some of the wealthiest guys were in Beverly Hills. We attract a certain type of guy. Never have I had a guy that got that legs. I mean, unless they just didn't say anything, but it's pretty obvious. Wait, so, but do you guys struggle with the fact that the height is a thing and you girls really request that because that's a hot button. Yeah, yeah, definitely. It's a tough, it's a tough element for the guys. It's a tough element. And I would also say for women, if you're struggling, meeting a really great guy, lower your height a little bit,

23:18lower your height bracket because these women will come in and they'll just be like, the abs are terrible. I'm not meeting anybody. And then we'll process it a little bit more and they'll say, yeah, I only want to date a man six foot two and above. And I'm like, you just cut out 95, 98% of the population, of the straight population. Okay. Yes, height is a thing, but there are so many great short kings out there. And so I think if women could open their minds a little bit to that, it would just make things so much easier. And just like it's such a superficial quality. What did you see that in Nashville, Morgan, that do you have girlfriends that are very height conscious? Very much so. There's a lot of people who have preferences when it comes to height. And I'm so funny, because this is the one topic on dating that I am horrible at, because I'm barely five foot one. So everyone was taller than me. I never, literally,

24:19I never had to worry about wearing heels or anything. So I can't relate in the aspect of knowing what that's like because everyone has always been taller than me. Even women. Bless you, Morgan. But I do know that it's a thing. It's a conversation that happens a bunch of lot of women. And height is a very uncomfortable topic for everybody involved. Yeah. And what I've seen, and no, I completely hear you. And to be clear, I'm a hypocrite. It's not that I didn't allow men under a certain height, but my beloved is six two. And my sister's husband is like six, eight, six, five, actually. But that being said, I will say something that, yeah, so sorry, sorry, ladies. But all this to say, I think that what I've found just having done this job, when we really break it down, it's not even about the actual height. It's about a woman wanting to feel feminine, right?

25:19That's at the core of any of these asks. Even the ask of a woman that says, I want a data man that makes a certain amount of money. It's not even about that certain amount of money. It's that she wants to relax in her feminine. She wants to feel protected, provided for. She wants to just sit back and a lot of the women, also that tend to hire matchmakers, tend to be high achievers, like they are very successful in their careers, because it's not inexpensive. It's quite expensive to work with a matchmaker. Our memberships begin at 20,025, sometimes plus pending on waitlist, and it goes up to 125. It's an investment, and it's not for everybody. Working with a matchmaker is not for everybody, so therefore we tend to attract these super high achieving, beautiful intellectual women that have a lot of times,

26:19prioritized career, and or have picked their hyper empathetic, emotionally intelligent. So they've picked the wrong guys. They've had so many experiences of giving these men the benefit of the doubt, because a lot of these women tend to be the ones that are incredibly loyal, and they are what they say they mean. Therefore, they expect the same from a man. So that's why you see these high achieving, intelligent, emotionally intelligent empath women just constantly having their pickers off. Their picker is just completely off, and they keep picking these men that do not earn. These are not men of integrity. These are not men that are operating at the level that they're operating at.

27:19So I genuinely believe when a woman comes in, and she's like, yeah, I want a data guy that's six foot, it's that she wants to feel protected. She wants to feel feminine. She wants to feel small, like not small in the sense that, oh, I want to dim my light, the opposite of that. She wants to just feel cared for versus being the, a lot of these women in their careers, they have to be the alpha. They have to put that work switch on in their job, because they have to be in that energy, and women have both masculine and feminine energy. That's totally fine. But when they're dating, it's like they tend to go for the guys also that forcibly, initially make them get into their feminine. But a lot of those guys tend to be toxic masculine guys. So then you get the, oh, narcissists, narcissists, narcissists, narcissists, narcissists, narcissists, narcissists, and because the women are trying to make sense of what just happened to me in this experience,

28:19I'm tangenting Morgan, but this is really what I see. That's exactly what happens. It's exactly what happened to me, and very much a big part of my story is so much of that. So it exists. It exists on so many levels, and it's hard, honestly, to in this day and age with dating, when you're out there by yourself, and I say in these streets, because you're in the streets doing this, it's hard to trust and believe in people, because we have a lot of information now. We know almost too much, and it makes it difficult to just put it all the noise aside and just date like our parents used to date when you'd be at a dance, and you asked somebody to dance, and now all of a sudden you have a husband, it's not like that anymore. But you got too much information, you know that somebody could be unsafe, you know that there's a possibility that they have a track record or that they could be on a, are we dating the same guy Facebook page? Oh my gosh. They're the scariest.

29:20They're the, they're like a ring of the bottom place. Yeah. Yeah. And it's hard, because like I support that in a way that I love that women are looking out for each other. I think that's awesome. But it's also a little diabolical because if somebody wrongs you, you can post something there and then that whole person is tainted. So I have a love-hate relationship with those. I think it came and started from a good place and has now morphed into something else, which is what we're just seeing in general is everything on the internet that we're seeing about dating and relationships and us even talking here is all coming from a good place. Yeah. But when you have so much information, it makes it difficult to be out there dating and just actually date without thinking about everything else that you have to think about when it comes to it. Yeah. And I think that's a lot of what you're talking about here. A hundred percent. And I love the phrase trust but verify. And I think that as women,

30:20women do have to be careful. They just do. There is especially with the apps. And I know I've had a horrible cheating experience where I knew something was off, but I didn't listen to my intuition. It was such an amazing learning experience for me. And hopefully I can, I know that the Lord, if you don't have a test, you don't have a testimony. Blah, blah, blah. I'm like, OK, Lord, enough tests. But all that to say, I do think that I went through that experience so that I could help women to know that, you know, yes, there's, of course, there is a big difference between anxiety and intuition. But at the same time, that if the whole goal of partnership is transparency, is giving each other just affirming each other and knowing that, hey, nobody's perfect. And if you need a little bit more reassurance because you've been through a situation where you were betrayed or something went sideways,

31:21I think that just having a partner that understands the call and can work with you in that way, I think that's so important. So I definitely just having it's such a fine balance between we don't want to throw caution to the wind and just say, oh, whatever. Oh, OK. He's following all these girls on Instagram that are like random, scantily clad or whatever. We have to be aware of the basic signs that a guy is maybe not who he's proclaiming to be and also having an open dialogue with your partner, I think, is just so important. It's been such a game changer, I know. In my relationship, just to be very upfront and be like, hey, if you're the type of person that is you have really high privacy needs, we're not the right match. We are not the right match because I will look when you're texting somebody, like not in a, and if you're covering it or putting your phone on, do not disturb,

32:22that is going to get my amygdala working wild because of my experience. But I think it's just such a beautiful policy and I think it's also from a matchmaking perspective, I learned that there are some people that totally are fine with privacy situations. There are some girls that are like, no, this is my phone, do not look at it, this is my private, but then there are other women that are like, no, my gosh, whatever. You know, within reason, obviously, you're not doing daily phone checks and some men that are the same way. And I think that matching those people, we want to just make sure it's such an unspoken thing. But like, when I match making, I like to learn, okay, where are you on that scale? Are you somebody that really values, that they vary, insular, whatever, or are you more open? What does this look like, even with like male female friendships? How do you feel about that? There's so much, there's so much work in that I learned in my personal life that I'm then like, okay, these are new questions that I have to start asking people because.

33:23And it's hard once, until you've had the experience to then ask those questions, it's really difficult, like a healthy relationship to mimic. You want to mirror that. So that's what you're now experiencing, right? But I am curious now that you mentioned the privacy, the friendship, what are the top five things that you have to make sure to people align on, to ensure like, you've obviously had a lot of successful matches and a lot of people that have gotten married. I'm sure there's more than five. There's probably a whole plethora of things. But like top five that you're really paying attention to, to make sure two people are evenly matched for each other. Yeah, I love that. So it's funny, one of our matchmakers JD always says that we have a lot of successes, but we have a lot more unsuccessful matches. But that doesn't mean that. So with any kind that comes in, they are meeting say that a kind is coming in and it's a bachelorette.

34:25She's going to meet 10 different bachelors or something like that. Nine of those are going to be failures. Nine. And there's going to be one success, right? So that's really, but we're gaining so much information and definitely as a team of matchmakers, we've learned so much from those failed matches. Like we've learned, oh, this does not work. And that's okay. That's Intel. We're gathering Intel. The elements that absolutely have to be there. Are you both aligned with wanting marriage? Are you both aligned with wanting to have kids? And is religion compatible? So marriage, do you want marriage? Kids religion compatibility. Those are deal breakers. I'm not big on the word deal breaker except for those three elements because we've seen that it doesn't matter if they're two people that are like the most incredible personality match. And they just like they both like love to travel,

35:25love this, love that, love the other. If you're not aligned on those three elements, this is not your future husband or your future wife. It just isn't. And then so those would be the three that absolutely must be there. The other elements that are like priorities. So right, these are like priority elements of things that a woman or a man should look for. It's understanding values. So it's sharing shared values. And that's why I really love the Jewish men that come in and the Christian women that come in or the Christian women and Christian men that come in because there's an agreed upon set of values that I already am understanding that our team gets. That these are, this is a generally speaking. Obviously you do get some of the Christian men that are, they're Christian by name, but not by the way that they're composing themselves.

36:26But shared values are really essential. I think boundaries with just boundaries with male female friendship. I would say is a really big one. And just being aligned with aligned alignment there because there are certain people that they're like, oh, my best friend is Jessica and Isabella and I talk to them all day every day. And we're going to go to dinner and we're going to go to coffee together. And that's okay. And there are certain women that are like, oh, yeah, I have the best guy friend that's John and Eric. And yeah, they bring me coffee. We're going to go to this concert together. This is it. Fine. Those two people are going to be a great match versus the woman that is like, no, I don't really have male friends. I do have male friends, but I do have really strong boundaries with them. I don't want to do one in ones because it can lead to, even if you have two really good people, it's just not an appropriate thing. So I've seen that be a really big one.

37:26That is something that I like to ask that a lot of people, like it just shows a lot about a person. I think it's such a specific thing, but I really think it shows so much. No, and those are all really good ones and definitely ones that I anticipated. Hi, I'm Cindy Crawford, and I'm the founder of Meaningful Beauty. Well, I don't know about you, but I never liked being told, oh, wow, you look so good for your age. Why even bothers saying that? Why don't you just say you look great at any age, every age? That's what Meaningful Beauty is all about. We create products that make you feel confident in your skin at the age you are now. Meaningful Beauty. Beautiful skin at every age. Learn more at MeaningfulBeauty.com. Honey. Sorry, I was dreaming about a new kitchen. Let's do it. Renify lets us borrow based on our home's value after renovations. Up to $750,000.

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39:26Look for in-store tags to earn on eligible items from Lays. Jack links. Cheese it. Classico. Hidden Valley. And Helmins. For in-the-app for automatic event-long savings. Stack up those rewards to save even more. Enjoy savings on top of savings. When you shop in store or online for easy drive-up and go pick up or delivery. Restrictions apply. See website for terms and conditions. Also really interesting to me that I didn't realize I needed in a partner until the very end. Right before I met my fiance. I needed somebody who had a heart the same as mine. And this is an interesting perspective because you like to think well like love and understanding love it's all the same. But it's really not how we love and how we show empathy and how our heart decides decisions and impacts who we are as human beings. Is actually one of the essential parts of your personality and your shared values. So I realized what I had missed all along and the partners that it didn't work out with was we did not have the same heart.

40:31We did not see empathy the same way we did not see compassion the same way we didn't interact with the world around us in the same way. And so I'm curious if you've seen also that kind of translate into anything with matchmaking. Oh, definitely absolutely. I think the best matches are two people who really want a partner and want love and are willing to fight for love and to really open their hearts to each other and to learn about each other's hearts and to learn about each other's love languages. And absolutely and I think that also touches on attachment style and attachment styles are so huge and I love to ask very pointed questions just to see where people fall in the attachment scale of anxious avoidant disorganized and secure. So because if somebody has an avoidant attachment style a lot of times they'll attract the anxious they're like magnets to each other they're just like magnets.

41:36Yeah, I had a lot of magnets in my dating life 100% yes it's like the avoidant is no my independence and then the anxious is I love you don't abandon me and it is just like a cat and mouse. That is so a vicious cycle a thousand percent so I think avoidance generally speaking need to just get out of the dating market. Until they become a different one right like no exactly no joking I'm like semi joking you need to go to therapy not a matchmaker but I think that the avoidance tends to it there's a lot of self work that needs to be done because a lot of times you see this. It's dynamic where this is the anxious and it's usually the anxious woman and then the avoidant man oh plus my girls my girls I love my anxious girlies girl loved me. Oh my gosh Morgan I already I do now but I'm so glad you're in a secure relationship because it drives his women crazy like it just drives them insane and then the thing is they're the ones in therapy they're the ones doing all the self work and then the guy is just so all of that to say I love attachment theory because I think it does describe also.

42:47The heart of a person right like an anxious heart is they really crave coasters and they just need a little it's an anxious person hot take I love anxious I love an anxious man I love an anxious I think there's a lot easier to match make and a lot easier to like actually be in relationships honestly to anxious together obviously working on themselves to not be like in that. What's a cold. It's a real yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah but you anxious can really soothe each other's nervous systems and it's so beautiful I've seen this happen a number of times where and it's just like coaching them to be like no it's okay you can ask you can just tell your partner like hey I read the book attached together so that you are aware of it's attached by a mirror Levine who I'm so excited oh my gosh I'm meeting him for the very first time I talk about this man probably every day to me. Maybe every day to my clients I'm meeting him he's speaking at the matchmaking conference in two months I'm so excited he's presenting and I'm just going to be like a mere thank you for your work because it really has changed I I learned about attachment theory like you're two of matchmaking because I was like what is going on because it's one thing to set up your friends in the sandbox it's another thing to set up fully formed adults that we're like what why is this not working I don't understand you're perfect for each other.

44:08And then we're like oh this is why it's not a lost cause for avoidance it's not but they too need to be actively working in therapy doing all the things when they feel those feelings of even though it's called avoidant they feel anxiety when closeness closeness comes and so then they want to retreat and they do and they push the woman back and because they want to keep their independence. They're like I want my independence stay away but then as soon as they feel safe again then they come they're like oh wait actually and so again cat and mouse all of that to say I do think that if two people are working on themselves independently of each other regardless regardless of attachment style just trying to be secure and also verbalizing to each other not avoiding that conversation of oh yeah someday is I might just have a higher level of anxiety in this relationship and I might just need a little more TLC I might just need a little more affirmation I might just need a phone call before bed or whatever it is just ask for what you want because also I found that there are plenty of people who will give you what you want.

45:27So if you're in a relationship that's not that's bringing you more anxiety and if you're feeling unclear this is not the right relationship like it's difficult to walk away but there are plenty of people who have compatible hearts and compatible attachment styles that can actually soothe your nervous system and you don't have to live in a state of confusion. There's a few things I heard in there one is that you are basically a therapist and a matchmaker you follow both for your clients you're doing both I'm an unlicensed completely unlicensed I am a life that I have I am not a therapist but thank you I will take that I'm trying to learn I'm constantly learning you have to understand the human psych to be able to match make and to connect people that's part of it. So you're doing great at that but the other thing I heard is that there's plenty of people I love the talk of abundance because it really allows people to stop staying stuck in relationships that they shouldn't stay in and understanding that truly there is a lot of fish in the sea even if there are some bad fish out there.

46:41There's a lot of fish in the sea and that was something that I heard that I wanted you to emphasize a little bit further. 100% yes I think that it really just goes back to the fatigue that people get when they're dating and the kind of hopelessness that can settle in somebody when they're in the dating world and then they meet somebody and they're like okay I get back out there it's tough and I'm not going to say it's not difficult it's it is even if you have the most incredible mindset it's not easy believe me believe me it's not you could have the best mindset but it's still so hard like it's not easy some of it is a humiliation ritual unfortunately and it is what it is but that's why I think as a man and woman that's like going into the dating world knowing what your boundaries are is just so important and it will shield you so much from the deeper level of despair that a lot of times dating can bring. So knowing boundaries but yeah ultimately there is coming from the mindset of that there are so many incredible men and women out there

47:50and we tell this to our clients all the time like you they have to reprogram they have to reprogram the brain instead of that that scarcity mindset of oh my gosh I want to put all my eggs in this one basket enough no you want to come from a place of supply and not the place of demand because when you're in that place of demand then the blinders come on and you don't see the waving red flags and truly as a matchmaker in one of the hardest cities in the world to date and working with men and women in New York and Nashville and all these other places there are so many incredible men and women there are it's just a matter of finding that one person and like we said you might have to kiss a lot of frogs but you don't that's the other thing it's like once you know your boundaries for the men and women that we work with maybe in the past they were like yeah I like to sleep with a guy after the third day just to see if that physical connection is there

48:52and we say okay how is that worked and they're like oh terrible then the ghost meet three days later whatever it is so we say okay why don't you just stop sleeping with men just stop sleeping with men like what a concept take your power back just stop because also when that happens the women that are bonding through oxytocin and again the blinders come on because they're like oh my gosh they have the surge of hormones and emotions and it's not even about what the man thinks like you don't care whatever if a guy or how a guy is operating it doesn't matter it's about the woman and it's about being clear and having clarity and not missing those waving red flags in the early stages of dating and not rushing into a commitment just because you're like oh my gosh this seems like a great guy it's like slow and steady allow the man allow the woman to unfold but date intentionally as well if you're dating with the intention of marriage there's nothing wrong with saying that in a

49:55lovely way I was very much the sloth when I was dating I operated once I learned my boundaries once I learned what I wanted what I was looking for and I really started to figure out myself more and as I was probably towards the later part of my 20s often called myself a sloth I was like I'm moving at a sloth pace and nobody is going to move me and that's just how I operated for a long time of course I still had a lot of mishaps in there but the sloth was the majority of the part of it. I do want to ask you this pie always in the podcast is either it's a piece of advice motivation or inspiration or maybe it's a topic that we didn't address and you're like Morgan we have to talk about this and I give the floor over to you so take it away yeah I think I would just say especially to the single women when they're dating just flip that vacation mode on after you've affirmed that okay this guy is who he says that he

50:55is he has the job that he says that he does and he's not do a little social media check make sure you know marriage photos or girlfriend photos or he's not following a million girls on Instagram once you've done that do diligence I want you to really put all of that to the side and flip your vacation mode on and when you're going on a date just be so present pretend like you're on vacation and make it the goal to enjoy this man's company make it the goal you're not doing a job for you everything is going to unfold naturally but in the moment enjoy be playful give compliments have fun truly have fun and I think also when a woman is dating in her boundaries if she says okay I'm not sleeping with a man I say wait till marriage ladies save yourself some trauma but whatever it might be if it's like okay I'm not sleeping with a man until XYZ until at the

51:56minimum needs to be in my opinion just having done this as a matchmaker at the minimum until there's exclusivity like commitment actual commitment now I've learned this through the years all that to say have fun be playful don't be afraid to flirt and be gracious and give gratitude that's what I would say to the girls enjoy enjoy enjoy because what you learned more again and what I learned and what a lot of our clients learn when you do meet that guy you want to look back at your old self and be like honey it's going to be okay like everything is going to be okay you're going to meet an amazing man and he's going to be like better than you ever thought and that you know you're going to really really be grateful yeah so that's what I would say very much I love that I love that it's such a perfect place to end on because we should be living life like we're on vacation heck we should all be on vacation a lot of the time which would be so great but that's okay that's

52:56okay thank you for sharing and thank you for giving us your wisdom and I'm excited to see all the matches you make in 2026 and beyond and I'm just excited for people to find their love so thanks for being here thank you Morgan it was so lovely to chat Alessandra made so many valid points in this so hopefully it can help anyone in their dating era maybe do some re-evaluating and recalibrating it so they can find their beautiful rainbow fish in the sea we are all deserving of love but more importantly we are deserving of safe full secure love and it's out there check her socials if you want some more matchmaking content it's in the show notes next week I'm excited to start a new series that focuses on how we show up in the world and our intentions I have two great guys coming by Walter Green and Danny Morel subscribe now so you don't miss the episodes you can also watch all of these on youtube if you love a good binge watch now this is where I leave you all yeah with your friends next week I'm U.S. Transportation Secretary Sean Duffy the sound of a seat belt it's one of the most important sounds in our car it means everyone is ready

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