About this episode
Do you catch yourself saying, “You make me so mad” or “You’re ruining my day”? In this episode, Rhonda shares how a simple shift, changing “you” to “I” can reclaim your power, deepen self-awareness, and invite healthy connection. Start speaking from your truth and watch your relationships (and your life) transform.
Today, I want to talk about how we can take back our power, moment by moment, by shifting from blame to ownership. I share my personal practice whenever that urge to say “you did this” rises up, instead, I pause and say, “I am feeling this.” This language shift isn’t just a trick; it’s a path to empowerment, self-responsibility, and real connection.
We’ll explore how we accidentally give away our agency, why “you” sentences fuel resentment and disconnection, and how practicing “I” statements can free us from the Wheel of Fear. You’ll hear gentle encouragement to keep track of your moments of blame, notice what’s really going on inside, and choose ownership over projections.
If you long to feel more in charge of your feelings, thoughts, and actions or you want healthier, more honest relationships, this episode invites you to practice the “I” shift and claim your own story.
What You’ll Discover
- Why "you" language gives away your power and blocks connection
- How shifting to "I" statements creates emotional freedom and clarity
- Practical steps: tracking your blame and practicing ownership throughout your day
- The importance of noticing how often you hand responsibility to others and how to take it back
- How this mindful language shift empowers you to change without guilt, shame, or fear
- Rhonda’s personal example of competitiveness and staying in her own lane
- Simple exercises for journaling and reflection to support your growth
Key Takeaway
When you shift from “you” to “I,” you take your life back one empowered moment at a time.
Key Quote
“Any time you want to tell somebody that they're in charge of your feelings or they're in charge of your destiny, you're gonna take it back.”
“They don't make you mad. You don't make me mad. I am mad.”
Resources
- Journal prompt: Keep note of moments today when you feel someone else "makes you" feel or act, then rewrite each as an “I” statement.
- More encouragement and tools at fearlessliving.org
Invitation
Practice the “You to I” shift today. Notice every time you blame someone else for your feelings, thoughts, or actions, then rewrite it as your truth. If this episode helped, share it with one friend who needs it today.
Reply with your story when you have shifted from “you” to “I,” and what changed when you took responsibility for your feelings?
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Full transcript
Love Notes from Rhonda — Stop Blaming Others: How to Own Your Feelings. Machine-transcribed; use the interactive transcript above to jump the player to any line.
Welcome to Love Notes from Ronda, and today let's practice shifting our language. So anytime today, when you say the word you, as in you are so frustrating or you're making me feel bad or you make me so mad or you make me so mad. Whatever those you sentences are, right? I want you to change it to I. So it will sound something like this. You make me so mad. Instead you say I am mad. Instead of saying you're just trying to ruin me, you can say I feel ruined or I feel whatever that feeling is. So anytime that you want
to tell somebody that they're in charge of your feelings or they're in charge of your thoughts or they're in charge of your destiny, you're going to take it back. They don't make you mad. You don't make me mad. I am mad. A great way to think about this today is actually to get a notebook out or you can use your phone, but start keeping track of it today. Keep track of the times you felt, felt any time like somebody else made you feel or do something or think something. You put that into my head. No, I have that in my head. I want you to really pay attention to how often you give your power away and believe somebody else is in charge of your feelings, thoughts and actions. You are going to take your life back and every
time you want to blame somebody else, you're going to take it back and take full responsibility for your feelings, your thoughts and your actions. So today just watch and listen for the word you or they and shift it to I. I promise you that as you do this, you will start feeling more empowered, more powerful. You will feel more in charge of your life. You know, I know that when I get ever, you know, one of my few responses is competitiveness. I get competitive competitive and I'm not talking about card games. I'm talking about just competitive and the sake of competitiveness. And when I'm feeling competitive, I know it's because I am not staying in my lanes. I am not, I'm not staying in my lane. I'm not keeping track of me. I'm not doing what I should be doing. I want to do what I meant to do.
I'm focused on what somebody else is doing or thinking or being. And that's when I get sad and frustrated and feel hopeless and angry and justified and resentful, right? We can have all those feelings and all those thoughts. So today, let's start practicing. Not you make me mad, but I'm mad. Not you always do this to me. You always do this to me. It's like, I, whatever it is, I don't trust you or I don't feel good or this doesn't seem right or right? So take it back. What if there was no you or they? And there was only I that everything, every feeling, thought, and action was coming from you and not propelled by anybody else, not forced from anybody else. You, if you're doing it,
if you're feeling it, you're thinking it, it's inside you. So let's own it, take responsibility for it. So then we can change it without guilt, without shame, without fear. Until next time, be fearless. I love you.
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