Stay Or Go: Daughter's Senior Trip!

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2:01Stand still. Not a chance. You're a lifelong learner who's come this far. Now we are here to help you keep going further. Capella University. What can't you do? Visit Capella.edu to learn more. It's day or go. All right, mark! Good morning, Mark. How you doing? Welcome to the show. I'm doing great today. How are you, Fred? Doing all right, man. What's going on with your wife here? The idea here is people hit us up. Believe it or not, people hit us up on the IG. They hit us up on the website. Fritcherradio.com. Wherever. And they're like, hey, run this by the 13. What's going on with your wife? Uh-oh. We got the robot voice again. All right, hold on. You there? Yeah, I'm here. Hold on. I had to add gas to the generator. Sorry. Sorry about that. I forgot. Damn it, Paulina. You're supposed to pour diesel in it. Oh, not the cheap one. No, we can't use 87 existing, man. Oh, what's going on? Anyway, sorry, Mark. Go ahead.

3:01No worries. I just don't know what to do to be honest with you. Well, it starts off the first day. It's my daughter's senior year in college. And she wants to take a senior trip. I don't have anything against that. I'm all for having some fun. She wants to go down to Cabo in Mexico, right? Man, I just don't know about that with the cartel and everything going on right now. I'm kind of iffy on that whole situation. Yeah, the parts of Mexico, there are, you know, a bit of dismay these days. A little upset. Parts, parts of it though. I don't know that Cabo was included, but parts, whatever. It's not necessarily maybe not the ideal time for a college kid to go to Mexico. And don't add me on that. It's just, you know, I understand your concern. Okay. Well, my wife and I sat down with my daughter and just kind of laid down the law saying, hey, I don't think it's a good idea for you to go. Maybe we should reschedule this trip or go try to find somewhere else to go.

4:02Then I find out later that my wife has gone behind my back and talked to my daughter, told her, it's okay for her to go and that she'll just handle me later on. I don't understand this. Like, I don't understand what's going on. Like, there's a mutiny in my house. Of sorts. Okay. So she overrode you is what you're saying. Absolutely. Yes. Okay. And she did it behind your back. Like you guys as a couple, mom and dad made a decision separate from your daughter. Hey, I don't know that this is, this may not be a great idea. I'm not comfortable with this for whatever reason. Whether you're right or wrong, you're not comfortable with it. And you would like a different plan. And your wife was like, fine. Okay. And then separate from that, told your daughter, no, go, it's fine. I'll deal with your dad. Absolutely. Okay. Don't get me wrong. I don't want to crush my daughter's dreams of going on her senior trip. But at the end of the day, I also am super anxious about her being down there.

5:04Okay. All right. So then you go, they go back to your wife, I assume. And you're like, hey, you know, we, we're a team. We had a deal. We discussed this. And we're not aligned now. And you sort of undermined me in this way. You know, I know what does she say? She just kept telling me that everything's going to be okay. That she's a smart girl. We raised her right. And then she'll be safe as long as she stays on the resort. I mean, that's probably all true. But I guess you guys made a decision together. And look, I'm not married. I don't have kids. But I, I, there were very few, if any, instances I can think of growing up where mom decided something and dad went the other way. There may have been some times when dad decided something and mom went the other way. But it was nothing as blatant as this. You know, I like I don't, like I don't, there was never a time when it was like fundamental. Hey, I'm concerned about someone's safety. Right. You know, and, and once said one thing and then once said the other don't mind him, whatever. I mean, that's, you can't do that, right?

6:04Like in a, in a marriage or a parental situation, like you, you got to make a decision. And then you got to stay on the same page because otherwise. I so hard, though. You know, one person looks kind of ineffective or like their opinion doesn't matter. That's true. Um, I understand that. And so your wife is basically like you overreacted whatever. So now your daughter knows. Um, she just goes to mom, which a lot of, and a lot of situations that's, that's not uncommon. Yeah. I know where to go. Yeah. For certain things. I know who to talk to you on. I know when to call dad. I know when to call mom. But I don't blame you for being kind of upset or real upset. Right. So the resolution is she's going. Oh, she's there. Oh, even better. Right. Oh, you know, say in the matter. So she's a senior in college, correct? Right. And she's about 20, 21 years old, give her take. I mean, like this might be a little unpopular, but at the same time, does she really even have to ask for that kind of permission? Essentially, like she's grown enough to make decisions that kind of go on her own.

7:04I, I wouldn't tell my mom probably that I'm going, or if I did, I would tell her when I'm at the airport. I'm so paying for like her college, her trip, or anything in her life. I think they have a safe. Yes. Correct. Well, she has great parents. I did not have that part, but I would run off all a lot to like New York and stuff, just because like I was like, I want to go hang out my friends and do these things. But I never asked to go. I don't recommend that. So why was this a name like ask her parents? Well, you would remember if I was going to show for a while a few years ago, well, God, I was six years ago at this point. I had planned to go to Egypt. I want to see the pyramids. I had the whole trip planned. And my mom who watches too much, you know, CNN or whatever calls me up and is like, Hey, you know, there's just COVID thing they're talking about. It's going to be just going to be an issue. It's going to be a thing. And I don't want you there when that, if that breaks or like, you know, because you're going to have an issue. It's good. I'm not comfortable with it. I won't sleep. Well, don't do it. And I'm like, whatever. You're crazy. And all everybody here giving me a hard time. Go on your trip, whatever you're stupid. And, you know, and I'm like, you know, you're in the dough, you did, you, you, you edged me. Yeah. You know, and secure a grownup, man, like you do what you want to do.

8:05And I'm like, no, but I do. I don't want my mom to be, my mom is a very active mom. I don't want her up at night. I don't want her uncomfortable. Well, we'll sure enough. I would have been there when the whole thing went down. You would run a ferro by now. You would have been there. I would still be there. Yeah. I would live there now, which may not be so bad. You know, nice view of the pyramids every day. But I, and my, and finally my dad called me and was like, look, I'm not, you're a grownup. You can do what you want. But, you know, it would really help my cause if you don't do it because she's really upset about it. And so I wound up not doing it and it wound up being the right decision. But, um, you know, no one was going to undermine each other, but it was like, this is important to us. And they very rarely do that. They very rarely say like, I'm going to worry too much. Please consider another plan. And so I did. But that's not one person saying, that's not, that's how you guys collectively saying, here's our decision. And then mom going, nah, just kidding. I don't really care what he thinks later. I can see why that feels bad. You guys are both her parent and your opinion does matter.

9:05And you made a collective decision. Let me take some phone calls on this mark and see what people have to say. But I, uh, I wish you the best, man. I hope I'm sure everything will be fine. She'll, she'll be okay and return safely and all, all as well. Okay. Have a good day. Appreciate you, man. Sounds easy. Okay. Have a good day, man. I get it. I get it. And again, she did ask for their opinion. I don't know if they're paying for it or not. But you know, I do think that she can do whatever she wants. But if both of her parents are like, hey, this is not ideal. Even without the cartel, it's a scary thing to send your kid to another country on like a drink all day trip. I would be terrified. I still actually permission to go out of town. Kind of safe. It's like my sister and my aunt, they don't play that. Like they check my location. I've been in another country. They're like, are you okay? Like what, why wouldn't you tell us we need to pray for you before you go out of town? They don't play room. I agree that it would be scary. I think it's one thing if you're helicoptering over your 21 year old kid saying don't go party in Mexico. I think it's another thing if you're like, hey, I'm concerned about some, you know, activity

10:05down there. Right. Right now that has caused a lot of problems for people traveling and whatever else. And like, I think now may not be the time. You know what I mean? Like, I think that's a, or hey, there's a, there's a pandemic. Coming. You know, maybe not now. Yeah. To be fair when I went on my senior, I think it was in high school. There was like a war, a travel warning. And we all still went and refined. So I think that there's often a travel warning, but my mom was with me. So that was maybe the difference. Deasia, how you doing? I'm good. Good morning. Good morning. 855-591035. I mean, what do you guys think? What do you think? Are you a parent? Are you married? I am a parent. Okay. And no, she shouldn't be able to go unless mom covers it because mom wants to be sneaky about it. Mom can cover it. And by covering what you mean, like handle it with, where she did say she's going to handle it with dad. But that doesn't, that doesn't. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. There is no handling it with dad because dad said no. So you decided to go behind dad and say, yes, so you could pay for her past four.

11:08You couldn't pay for the plane ticket, the suitcase. You could pay for everything. But Deasia, I don't think this is about money. This is about dad had an opinion mom and dad were aligned and then they weren't. And so I think his issue is not with his daughter. I think his issue is with his wife. It's like, hey, wait a minute. We decided together. Here is our position as parents and you decided to override that without telling me. Essentially, that's a lie. So that's the issue. I agree with dad though. It's not safe for her to go to college. Yeah. I do too. I just want to go to Cabo and they already said no, well, he said no. Am I opinion that opinion is important about her safety and Cabo. So since he doesn't care enough to think about her daughter's safety, she can cover the trip. Okay. Well, nothing happens to the daughter. It's not going to be dad's fault because dad said no and my kids do that. And we have to tell my kids stop doing that when a parent says no, it doesn't matter.

12:13If mom said it or dad said it, you don't go to the other parent. Right. I agree with that. And the victim will say yes. 100%. So 100% So if mom went behind dad and said yes, mom can cover everything and when something happens, it's on mom. Yeah. And thank you, Deasia. But I just didn't know how that's going to work. God forbid something happens. It's going to affect both of them. Right. Equally. So I don't know that this is a thing where okay, you pay for it. Not and I told you so. I don't think anyone's arguing about the money here. It has more to do with, I mean, whatever the decision is, I mean, I think, you know, there were, I can remember growing up, you know, my sister and I are seven and a half years apart, but there was a, I want to say ear piercing debate in the house. Oh, yeah. My dad, and I don't want to be wrong about this. I don't want to misquote my dad here, but I want to say he didn't want her to get her ear pierced. Maybe in a high up in the ear. I can't remember. He'll cartilage. Yeah. There was, there was something belly button. Maybe I don't remember. There was something that was not, that he wasn't comfortable with. And my mom overwrote him on it.

13:14And I don't think he was happy about it, but I think that was more like a male female thing. Like, hey, let me, I'm going to handle the appearance and various other things. I've heard about male female arguments about their daughters and sons when it's like, no, let me take this one because I'm a girl or I'm a guy. So I can relate to this, you know, I've, I've heard about swimsuits and, hmm, come. Like shaving is a thing, various things, you know, you're allowed to have a say, it's your kid, but like, maybe in this particular case, let me as the woman, I'm going to, I, let me take this one. Yeah. You know, I think there were times where my dad probably said to my mom, like, let me, I'm going to handle this, like this is, this is for me. Um, and maybe they didn't agree, but it was because maybe they didn't relate. Right. Okay. But it's about partnership right at the end of the day. And you got, you got to trust that your partner is making the best decision for your child and to not consult him or just to sneak behind his back is a big red flag. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you're saying it's okay to go down there. So, so this is all for not. Okay. Yeah.

14:15Copper was fine. I'm a travel agent. The only place they don't want to go there right now is a part of our, and even that's calming down, but I think the main issue here is the wife, the wife was wrong. She was foul. You don't, if your father tells you one thing, the mother shouldn't turn around and say, exactly. Because now you have the tension in the house, it has nothing to do with money. I heard the last call saying nothing to do with money. This, this is about you putting me against my father. No, he like wins in that situation. Like if one wants her to go and live her dreams and have the experience and one says it's not safe, one person is winning. And why does that have to be the dad, I guess. Actually, I don't think anybody really wins in here because now if I'm the father, I'm angry now at my wife, and you know, the daughter is going to have a great time regardless as long as she goes to Krabbo stays on the resort.

15:19She'll be fine. So the daughter is winning. So the house is going to be great. It's awesome. It's a key in one. Yeah. And thank you, Will. Have a great time. Glad you called. I think it's more like don't make the dad out to be the loser in there. Like I don't know that anybody's winning or losing. It's like, hey, we, you asked for our opinion. We together decided we don't think it's safe. We don't want you to go. If you want to go anyway, that's fine, but like don't play one against the other. Right. The good car back. Because it's not like dad is no fun police. Like he has concerns about her safety. Okay. That's valid. Yeah. Like I don't think it's a bad position to take. It's not like no, you can't go because like I don't like Mexico. Like that would make him the loser. Like he's taking a position of I don't want anything bad to happen to you. And and granted, you know, the regionally, maybe she's safe, but like in general, there's issue. There are issues in certain parts of the world, maybe not the best time to go. He has a valid argument. It's she decides on her own. No, I'm going to override you guys and go, well, it's her life, but to then go play one

16:21against the other. I don't know. Now that's an issue between them. You know, hey, Blanca. Yeah. Blanca, you're saying let her go. I'm saying let her go. She's a senior in college. She's a little more grown up. She should know how to be responsible. Like let her have fun, let her live, let her experience new scenes. But I do think it's her mom. Yeah. Maybe. But I think I think some of the callers and maybe you two are caught up on the wrong part of this. The issue is really about a partnership where one person violated their, their united stance. You know what I mean? They could have, they could have remained divided. You know, she could have said, no, I really think she should go. I don't agree with you. I think it's going to be okay. And he can say, I'm not comfortable. They can each share their perspective. She can make a decision. They decided to gather, no. And then the mom went and did her own thing. That's, I think that's the issue. So that's the thing that as a mom, like I have a 16 year old, me and my husband literally

17:22argued about my 16 year old getting her belly button pierced. He said, no, I said, okay. I still took her anyways. It's just some things, moms are just going to be like, you know what, let her live because we understand that to be overprotective and want to take chance opportunities from their daughters just because they're scared of what the world might be. You can't do that. You can't show and install fear in your kids. You've got to let them live. You've got to let them experience. It could be. It could be. I feel like that's what the mom is doing in this case. Okay. Fair enough. Hey, thank you, block. I have a great day. You too. Appreciate you. Uh, Josh. Yes. You divorced your wife. Oh, good morning. You divorced your wife over this very thing? Yeah. You know, it's undermining is something I think that is an understatement in the conversation. I think it needs to be talked about more, um, one of many issues, but yeah, undermining and parenting. I mean, my kids are younger and actually teenagers now, but constant undermining and parental

18:27decisions is something that I think is really the problem here that needs to be discussed more. The fact that they discussed this and agreed to it. And she went behind his back to me is the biggest problem. I'm not saying the safety of the daughter in Cabo is necessarily not an issue, but the fact that she goes behind his back and guarantee you with someone that lived in a marriage for 14 years where this happened repeatedly, this is in the first time he's dealt with this. So I say go. But do you think that people are caught up on the wrong points? Like this has, this has everything to do with mom and dad, not the 21 year old daughter. Yeah. 100%. That's exactly what I'm saying. It is so important and it is such an important, like part of parenting and being in a marriage and raising children together. And when, when partners decide whether they're married or not, when partners decide on certain things and you're, especially when you're in the same household and one person undermines the other one, it completely humiliates the other parent in a way that over time cannot be repaired. So it would have been, I know he's gone now, but it would have been a great question

19:29to ask. Is this repeated behavior? Is this happened once or twice? Because I bet money that it's happened a lot. I think in any layer of leadership, whether it's at work or in parent parental relationship or whatever relationship, if someone is going to override someone else's decision in the hierarchy, then that has, there has to be a careful dance there. Because what happens is, the dad now looks like he is power. Like he looks like his opinion does not matter about anything. Like we don't even care what he thinks. And that's not fair to him because he's 50% responsible for this child or in this case adult, but who asks for the opinion. So now it's like, well, if I don't like the answer, I'll just go to mom every single time. And I don't think that's, that's not fair to the partnership. But thank you, Josh. I appreciate you, man. Have a good day. Yeah. Drew McIntyre here from WWE. Wheeled in the Claymore can be a life of chaos. When I'm not dominating in the ring, Chumba Casino is how this warrior takes a rebrate. With hundreds of online social games and new weekly releases, there's always something

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