Spouse saw me STRIKING my grinder after she uttered DISCRIMINATORY COMMENTS about me

0:00I wish you enjoyed the tale. Spouse saw me striking my grinder after she uttered discriminatory comments about me and our child, now I'm debating whether I should say sorry to him. I should apologize to my husband because yesterday I slapped my mill in front of him. For context, my husband is white and I am mixed. My mom is Puerto Rican and my dad is white. My mom has very dark skin and my dad is pretty fair. I'm pretty white-passing, which for those who don't know, means you can't really tell that I am Latina unless I tell you. A running family joke is that melanin skips a generation because my maternal grandpa is also very fair but my maternal great grandma is very brown. With that out of the way, I'll get into my situation. I have been with my husband for seven years, married for five. We have a three-year-old little girl who is the light of my life. When she was born, she had a head full of dark brown curls, dark brown eyes and a fairly olive complexion.

1:01She looks like me when I get tan. You can definitely tell she's part Latino despite knowing all this. My mill has gotten it into her head that my daughter isn't my husband's. She's been telling anyone who will listen that I must have had an affair because there's no way her son's child could be that color. Yeah. How nice. My mill has always been stamped off-ish with me. She never made a big effort to get to know me and was always more polite than anything else. Mill has made some off-handed comments before about Latinos, but husband would brush them off because she's from another time. I wanted to write off her behavior as just her not being educated enough. I realized now that was my mistake because it gave her the okay to keep going. When husband and I heard from Sil that Mill was saying this, we invited her over to talk about this. I was really hoping we'd be able to fix this. However, what happened was my mill going on a rant for like 15 minutes. It consisted of her outing herself as a racist, saying she knew girls like me couldn't control

2:04themselves that she knew from the start what would happen. The nerve I had to pass my daughter off as her also some very colorful slurs husband and I were frozen in shock because she hadn't even stepped into the house and was just screeching on our doorstep. It snapped me out of it was when she started to insult my mom saying she probably did the same to my dad. I don't know what came over me next. I've never hit someone before, but I ended up smacking her so hard her glasses fell off. That's what got my husband to start talking, or rather yelling at his mother and me for acting this way while Mill started to wail. Yes, I shouldn't have hit her. I know that's wrong, but hearing him imply I was in the wrong. The same way Mill was made me more angry. I told him he's just as much a racist as his mom. If he was trying to make me out to be as bad as her, I got my keys from inside the house while he was trying to calm his mom down and left. I drove to a hotel and spent the night there. Now it's the afternoon and I haven't left the hotel room since checking in.

3:07Husband and several other friends and family have been trying to reach me. I only replied to my sail to tell her I'm safe at a hotel and asked her to not tell my husband what hotel I'm at. Gilt is starting to sink in and I'm questioning everything. Like did I allow my Mill to do this? Did I showcase behavior that made her think I was cheating? Does husband think I cheated and that's why Mill has this in her head? And of course, should I be apologizing to husband for hitting Mill? I know violence is wrong and I hate making excuses, but I just couldn't handle someone talking about my family that way. So redditors, should I be apologizing to my husband? How do we get through this? Any and all advice is appreciated. Edit, no. My daughter was not at the house. We sent her to have a weekend sleepover with my sister's family. I'll be picking her up tomorrow afternoon. Edit too, I have posted an update you can find on my page UPD. 8-1

4:08I spent quite a bit reflecting and was able to get an emergency meeting with my therapist this morning. I only have my sister here as my parents moved back to Puerto Rico to be with my grandparents five years ago. Some questions I want to answer real quick. How old are we? My husband is 28 and I just celebrated my 30th birthday. We met when he was 21 and I was 23. Where was my daughter? I sent her to my sisters on Friday for a weekend sleepover with my sister's family. I picked her up Monday afternoon and we had a little mommy daughter time going to her favorite place, Costco. Yes, my three-year-old loves Costco. We got home around seven after we had dinner. My husband was waiting and I told him we'd talk after kiddo went to bed. When she was for certain asleep, we sat and had a long conversation not just about the fight and his mother, but also race and culture. I saw how my family was treated based on skin color and while my husband understands

5:08racism, he admitted to never really grasping the complexities, especially colorism. A lot of you jumped to me taking my daughter and leaving or telling me he'd leave me. Sorry to disappoint, but no, we're not getting a divorce or anything of the sort. He apologized to me for not standing up for me before and then, acknowledging he didn't want to think of his mother in a racist light. I also apologized for hitting her because in the end, no, it doesn't help us. He did forgive me and said if it wasn't his mom saying it, he'd probably slap them too. We will be going to a marriage counselor we decided, hoping to find one that specializes in interracial marriage. Our daughter is going to face challenges in the future because of her race. It's sad to say but unfortunately racism is still alive and we want to know how to protect her and uplift her so she does not feel ashamed of her heritage. We've made the decision to go and see with her and any people who try to bridge communication between you, S and her. She will have no contact with my daughter unless it's years down the road and she shows

6:10significant changes in her behavior. My husband will be driving to her house tomorrow to inform her of our decision. I'd consider a paternity test and DNA test but only if mill pays. I don't want to entertain this on my own dime. I've also decided to not make any public post regarding this. If people want to believe her story, that is on them, not us. My husband knows our baby is his. The irony is she looks more like him than me. Her curls are even from him. I do hope this is my last update. If anything else happens, I might come back. Thank you again to everyone who gave valuable advice. I am sad my daughter won't have a grandmother in the States, but it's more reason for us to plan trips to PR, update 2. For those of you saying I should be arrested for slapping my mill, I hate to disappoint but she is not pressing charges. This is all thanks to my husband who said he'd expose my Phil's various affairs.

7:11Yes, it turns out that my Phil cheated numerous times on my mill until his death two years ago. According to Hubby, he was paying for S. Backslash actual favors even on his deathbed. This is deeply disturbing because Phil and Mill appeared to have a loving marriage. Apparently, that was just for show. I can't even begin to imagine how Hubby is feeling. We talked about it and he said it's something he felt deep shame for keeping from me, but also shame because his parents' marriage wasn't at all what they pretended it was. And then I are still looking for a couple's therapist who specializes in interracial marriage. Husband is also looking for a therapist of his own after the conversation with Mill opened his eyes to a lot of other traumas and issues he feels haven't been properly worked through. I'm so proud of him for taking these steps, now on to how the conversation on Wednesday went which is of course why I made this update to continue to vent. As I said in my first update, husband, do you went over to Mill's house to inform her that her behavior is unacceptable and will be going and see for the foreseeable future?

8:16Mill didn't take this well. The irony is that she told husband that he couldn't keep her from her only grandchild. Funny because she spent the week claiming our daughter wasn't his. She threw some colorful insults at me, claiming he was never like this before he met me and that this was all my idea to hide my apparent affair. In response, husband said if she's so certain that I'm cheating and that our daughter isn't his, she can pay for a paternity test and a pie to find my affair partner. You know, AP that doesn't exist. Husband says Mill's face turned a comical shade of red and he swears there was steam coming from her ears. This is when Mill said she pressed charges and husband said he'd just tell everyone about Phil's serial cheating. Mill apparently burst into tears then, got down on her knees, wailing he couldn't leave her. Hubby just pushed her off and left. I had already blocked her number so she can't contact me, but she blew up husband's phone until he came home and he blocked her. Husband is going to be sending her an email reiterating what he said about NC and until

9:19she proves she's gotten help, understands she was wrong, and apologizes, she won't be seeing any of us. Both of husband's sisters called us to get the scoop and agreed to set the record straight with anyone who tries to get a hold of us for Mill or tries to echo her conspiracy theories. Someone who wants to back her up can crowdfund for a paternity test and pie. We've spent too long building up our finances to waste them on the ravings of a mad woman. Husband and I did read comments on the posts, I did tell him about it and show him, and we both, thank you for the support and helpful comments. Husband has a special message for those doubting me and saying I should get arrested, get fucked in cell. I love this man so much and I'm so lucky to call him my husband and the father of my little girl. I'll be celebrating Mill being out of our lives by taking our daughter out to Texas Roadhouse, eating an ungodly amount of roles, and seeing despicable me for. Wishing everyone love and thank you again for all the support. Edit, I forgot to add this too but she also threatened grandparents' rights on the grounds

10:21that I endangered my daughter by taking the medication I use for my autoimmune disease during pregnancy. We doubt she'll actually go forward with that, but we will consult a lawyer regardless. Now onto he next story. Husband wanted an open marriage, but now he's jealous and wants to close it, and I'm realizing that I don't love him anymore. My husband, Leo, 34 male, and I, 30 F, have been together for seven years, married for four of them. We don't have any kids and we don't intend to. Two years ago, Leo asked me for an open marriage. I was devastated at the time. I couldn't understand why he didn't just want me. I couldn't even comprehend the idea of sharing him either. He gave me the same song and dance a lot of men give their spouses. Swore up and down that he loved me, I just wasn't fulfilling his needs, he needed more than what I could give, it was just to spice up our life, it was just sex, etc., etc. I did ask if there was someone else.

11:24He said no. To this day, I'm still not sure if I believed him. But at the time, I was angry and hurt and said no. He pestered me to change my mind for a week before giving me an ultimatum, open marriage or divorce. I chose the open marriage. I just couldn't bear the thought of him leaving me at the time. We have rules, we can't bring any partner's home, we have to get tested for STD every three months, one weekend out of the month must be left free for us time, any money we spend on slash with our partners must come from our personal accounts. I didn't partake in the open marriage myself for the first three months. Leo obviously did right away. He seemed to be gone or out late almost all the time, but he always acted so age, happy and loving towards me while I felt like I was dying inside. It killed me to think he was sleeping with other women, and I felt so lonely and unattractive and not good enough. I told my sister, Katie, 26F, and a few close friends everything.

12:26Katie told me to just play his game and be part of the open marriage too. If he can sleep around, so could I. I honestly didn't have much confidence in myself at the time. I'm a bit overweight and I've never considered myself conventionally pretty. I was afraid this would just humiliate me further. Katie and my best friend Jesse, 30F, set up my online dating profiles for me. I got so many matches that it was overwhelming. When I told Leo, he was surprised, but told me to do whatever I thought was best. Jesse helped me choose my first date, and I actually had a great time. He didn't pressure me for sex and took me out to drinks and dinner. We did have sex eventually, but it was all just casual and we didn't see each other after a couple months of casual dating. That first guy really made me feel more confident in myself. So I kept going on dates with men. A lot of them wanted to treat me, so I didn't have to spend much of my own money.

13:27Not only that, but some of the men have given me the best sex I've ever had in my life. Almost like the kind of sex you read in romance novels. It's been amazing. I am currently seeing two different men, alongside Leo. One Mark 38M is more of a steady boyfriend I've been with for about six months and the husband, Stephen, 25M, is very casual, mostly just hanging out in sex. They know about my open marriage slash other relationships and are fine with it. My husband has not been so lucky. In the beginning, he definitely was. He was always out and about and didn't seem to care even when I started dating too. But now he just complains a lot and hasn't been going out much. He winds about how he's usually the one spending money. A lot of the women he tries to be with want an emotional connection before. Sex. He often wants to be with younger women, but they want younger men. He's also been upset that I go out with random guys so often while he's at home alone

14:30all the time. He hasn't asked to close the marriage yet, but I feel like he will soon. He keeps saying he misses us and wants to spend more time together. He tried to initiate sex a lot more too. He wants to go on dates and go on vacations and all that stuff more and more, and he gets upset when I tell him I can't because I've already scheduled to do stuff with my partners, mostly Mark. Honestly, I don't think I love Leo anymore. I care about him, but I just don't love him. I'm not saying I love Mark or Stephen, but I honestly feel closer to Mark nowadays than I do Leo. Mark makes me feel comfortable and safe, and I love spending time with him more than my own husband. Stephen is funny and sweet and really good at sex. Katie and Jesse have been wanting me to divorce for a year now, but I was afraid of hurting him and thought I still loved him. But I think my love for him died when he asked for this open marriage in the first place. Seeing him get all pissy about it now just because he's not benefiting from it is also a turn

15:31off for me too. But I don't know if divorce is the best option. I still care about him and I still don't want to hurt him. Katie if he finally asks to close the marriage, we can talk about it then. Boop, we've just been together for so long that the idea of him not being there feels weird. Which sounds stupid since I have two other partners, so it's not like I'll be lonely. But Leo was a part of my life for so long that for him to not be there just doesn't feel right. But you're probably right, seven years is not so long considering you, possibly, live for another 50 years. Update 1 Hi everyone. I got so many comments and messages on my last post, which got deleted for some reason that I was a bit overwhelmed, especially when a lot of you kept saying the same thing. Divorce, divo, urs, divorce. But the thing is, I think a part of me does still loves my husband. I know in my last post that I didn't think I loved him anymore, but I can't just forget

16:34about the things that I do love. I love when he sings in the shower. I love when he laughs so hard, he snorts. I love when he kisses my forehead when I've had a bad day. I love when he holds my hand when he watch TV together. Leo has done a lot of shitty things, but he really isn't the big asshole people think. Maybe that was my fault. But even if I do still love him, I'm not in love with him anymore. I don't think I've been for a while. I care about him, a part of me does still love him, but you all were right. I should have just divorced him when he gave me that ultimatum in the first place. This past Saturday, we had the big talk. I initiated it, but he didn't seem too surprised. I just told him that I noticed he didn't seem to like me going out with Mark or Stephen and asked if there was a problem. He said there was. But he didn't ask me to close the marriage. He just asked me if I still loved him.

17:34I said something like not like I used to. He broke down crying, which made me cry. I guess he had known for a while that I wasn't in love anymore, but he had hoped he could win me back if he funneled all of his energy into me. I was honest and told him that during those first three months of our open marriage, I think my love for him died and I just couldn't get it back. I did tell him that I still cared about him and that I did love him, but it's not the same as it was. He asked if I loved Mark or Stephen and I said no, I like being with them and I care about them a lot, but I can't say I'm in love with either of them. I also finally asked him why he wanted the open marriage in the first place. A lot of you in the comments said he already had someone lined up and you were right. He had someone at work he was interested in and she wanted him too. The open marriage was just to get permission. He honestly never expected me to also get my own partners because of how unconfident I was, but he didn't want to stop me either because he thought nothing would come of it.

18:35He didn't really like me seeing other men, but he knew it wouldn't have been fair to tell me no when I gave him permission first. I guess Mark and Stephen made him insecure because I was spending so much time with them on a regular basis. The open marriage was just sex on the side for him. He only did hookups and they never lasted long. He genuinely always just loved only me. He thought I was falling in love with my partners and he was losing me and wanted to win me back. We cried a lot and talked a lot. We've decided to get a divorce. Since the house is in his name, I'm going to move out and live with Katie for a while. He told me I didn't have to and I could stay until the divorce was finalized, but I just can't. It's too hard to even look at him sometimes. I don't know I feel, to be honest. I thought I would be relieved or sad, but I'm just tired. I wish I could have been like you all wanted me to be. Clapping back or being sarcastic and snarky or rubbing it in his face, but I don't feel

19:37like I've won anything. I just feel lost. This is an old tale and people keep falling for that. I was like, look at all of these stories on Reddit. They all have the same ending, but people always trade 80% for 20% that they don't have. Our marriage is over. We both talked about reconciling, but I just can't do it. I can't love him like I used to. I've officially moved out and I'm currently living with my sister. I wish I could hate him for everything, but I don't. I'm angry and sad and frustrated and devastated, but I don't hate him. I think everyone wants him to be the villain, but he's not clever enough for that. My husband was always shortsighted. He really never thought about long term of things. His focus was always there then and now, not whatever came later. Because that was for later him to worry ABO. But now we're at the later and it's awful. I wish I could blame him for everything, but he didn't slowly ruin or chip away at

20:39my self-esteem. He didn't break me down and make me hate myself. He didn't flaunt his success in my face. He didn't make me feel inferior. I came to him that way. He took advantage, but he was never hateful. Maybe I should have let him know during the open marriage how unhappy I was. I tried to hide it from him. He would even ask me and I still lied. If I had been honest, maybe we could have closed the marriage. Maybe we could have just gotten divorced at the beginning. Maybe I should have negotiated better rules. I have so many babies and so much blame for myself. If I had been more confident back then, maybe this open marriage never would have happened. But I blame him too. I hate that he let that woman come between us. I hate that he even entertained her flirtations and had discussions with us. I hate he thought this was a solution and that I agreed because I couldn't bear the thought of losing him.

21:40But I don't hate him. I want to, but I can't. I know it'll get easier, but everything is so hard now. I don't know what to do and I feel like I'm crazy. I hope I can feel like myself again soon.