Side Stories: Shart Tank

0:00There's no place to escape to. This is the last talk on the left side stories that's when the cannonball some started. Side stories. Yes. So we're sitting here and Henry you said I scratched my butthole and then you said hold on. Let's wait for the show. Yeah. That is conversations that we can have without the cameras and mics on. Why? We need an opening. Yeah. You're right. We always do. We like you know and there's no to me what I like to do is I think some people feel that the opening of the show is the most important part so you'd want to do some sort of like thought out concept. Correct. Like a bit. Yeah. But the thing was that I actually was thinking of something and then as I was sitting in this chair I felt a sharp pain for my butthole because we had such a great meal. We such a sloppy meal in Austin that

1:08probably top three of my life. Truly such a wonderful time. I had so much wagyu that I was trying to clean out my whole right. I overwiped as well. I wept. My butthole wept. I wept. You know when grease just this kind of comes out of it and I was really getting in there and then I scratched my butthole with my fingernails as I was getting up in here and I can't fuck with a yogurt maker like that. It hurts. So I had to go in there because then you know what I did Eddie. What? Did you try to fix it? Huh? Right? I took a makeup wipe from inside the hotel. No, no, no, no, no. It's true. I put Nia spore on the makeup wipe. Oh, actually the same bad. And I stuck it up in my my butt near where I could get to where the scratch was. Oh, okay. Did it work? Painful? It worked at the time. Yeah. Now it's back to being itchy. Must be healing. It's scab. Be careful every time you poop. I keep I bring cortisone on the road. I bring cortisone. Yeah. I have cortisone

2:11on the road. Then why didn't you use it? Because I don't put it near my butthole. Where do you put it? I put it like sometimes like if I have like fat man rash. Oh, yeah, between the legs. Yeah. No one's got fat. You guys know fat man rash. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Chafing. That's not what chafing is. You know what chafing is. Cortisone does the trick. Do not supposed to put those makeup wipes in your butt. No, it wasn't a makeup wipe. It was a makeup wipe. It was like a pad. It was like a cotton circle. It wasn't filled with chemicals. Oh, yeah, it didn't have it and it didn't have makeup remover on it. That'll burn your butt hole. No, I would have felt that. I like a little burn to be honest because I had to also over wipe after our great meal with all the fatty steaks, you know, and I had chafed butt, but I just got in the shower, fucking soaked it up and then cortisone myself. I was good in a couple hours. I'll talk. We'll talk about anything but the rap for again. Welcome to side stories. You mean the rash for my man is Henry's a broskin. And I'm sitting here with Ed Larson and man, oh man, it is another side split in addition side story.

3:16Yes, right man. Shout out to Steiner Ranch for getting us bigger. Oh my God. Our buddy hooked it up over its Steiner Ranch. I've never experienced anything like that before. We felt like the finer people of Texas. It was we had our own patio. Absolutely. Did you know that they have a urinal named after Alex Jones in there? We want to first of all say we had an absolutely amazing sold out show in Austin at the paramount. One of the best shows of the entire tour. So much fun. We got off stage. We're all like that was that was the one. And then we had a very conflicting weekend because literally in the hours after that was the terror attack on 6th Street, which is literally right around the corner from where we were staying right around the corner from the venue. Five blocks from the venue. Seven from where we were staying and four from where we were hanging out when it happened. Yes. And so I just want to say I'm going to say I'm sorry. Everybody lost their lives there. I can't believe it. We now know a little bit more details about what happened. It was extremely. Now we I guess they're calling it a terror event. I don't trust my problems.

4:20I don't trust a single fucking thing. The FBI says anymore. Well, that that is what's happened to us. Like we can't like just look at something that honestly to me cut and dry fucking terror attack. But now we all have to look at everything like. Oh, it was what was it causing? So all right. This mass shooting happened. It was in Austin. It was on Saturday night. Three people I are now dead, I believe. Yes. A third person just passed away. Fourteen injured. The shooting was outside of Buford's backyard beer garden 6th Street. It was right at 2 a.m. It was like right as kind of things were both dying down yet also heating up down there. I remember we I had just I remember we walked into the lobby of the hotel around 145. Yeah. And that's when I heard the sirens as soon as I went upstairs. This suspected shooter who was killed by police is 53 year old in Diaga Diagné. It seems that he was like scouting a place where a bunch of people hanging outside. He shot at them with out with a pistol outside of the window of his SUV. He went parked his car, came back with the rifle, started shooting people there. But then by that point cops had arrived and completely

5:26obliterated him. Yeah. It was West 6th Street. And so it wasn't like the part of 6th Street that's so insane that we all know about. No, it's the more dangerous side of 6th Street. Yeah. Which is what we were sort of warned to go to anyway. We're literally before we're trying to find a place to go after the show and they're going on this place called LaVaca. Very nice. Very nice. And then so we're that we're hanging out there. But on the way there, we're going with our buddies from Austin. They literally said, Hey, I don't want to go to 6th Street unless you want to get shot. Yeah. There was literally before this all went down. It already had this fucking reputation. Yes. So this guy came out. He had a shirt on that said property of a law. He we know that he was a naturalized citizen. I don't think it has anything to do with what happened. He was born in Senegal. I have no idea. I know that they're saying there might have been a reaction to us bombing you. Well, it was hours later. I imagine that it has to have something. It seemed he legally purchased guns in the shooting very, very easily. I love Texas because they always remind you weed

6:27and porn is the problem. Yes. That's definitely like God forbid. I felt like Edward Snowden trying to get porn in my hotel room because it's all like because not only is it blocked, but then they shame you. They send that little thing to me like, Oh, trying to look at porn your pervert like essentially. Yeah, my wife's not here. What do you want me to fucking do? Who's my faulty imagination? Hotels should be no man's land. There is no price. There is no 10 commandments besides murder because I didn't even come out of it. You know, that's the hard part. Yeah, but that's a problem. Is that like yeah, and weed? Yeah. From it. All right. So everyone's going after this guy because obviously he's from Senegal and everyone's saying like, this is why we need close borders. Yeah, shit, which is crazy. But no one's willing to talk about the fact that he was able to buy a bunch of guns. Yeah, the series of mental health issues he had been arrested previously. The fact that he could still get those guns is kind of insane. They searched his home. They found an Iranian flag

7:29and pictures of Iranian leaders, according to BBC. So maybe we can believe them. The attack came on the same weekend that the US and Israel launched strikes on Iran. It was 24 hours. Oh, yeah, it's and they shot him. I think they said the police response was like 53 seconds. Well, because the seven seconds, the police station is only a couple blocks away from where it happened. No, I am not going to add any conspiracy theory thought to this story because my problem is is that I just I am a little skeptical of every single person involved. The one thing that stood out to me was the fact that you had an actual, what the government is trying to call a terrorist attack. Yeah, after the incident, it's like nothing fucking happened. I walked out. I are the, our meal was okay. I even let you how I knew because I didn't know what had happened yet. I didn't know till the next day and it was blocks away. The meal we had was so thick, right and wonderful. And I forgot my pepsidacy. So I snapped

8:34awake at about 5.45 in the morning, desperately needing some anacids. I went down to the lobby. They said we don't have anything. But there's a, there's a 24 hour convenience store over on six street. Yeah. So I walked over there. It was bucket. It was kind of insane at six o'clock in the morning, but it was like nothing happened. No idea. Next day, nothing's roped off that the venue was roped off. Yeah. Buford's was roped off. Nothing was roped off in comparison to now that we have been in town for several monumental moments in history. We were in town for when Luigi Manjani shot on the road. Yes. We were in town for when Luigi Manjani shot Brian Thompson. We were in town for when we were in DC the moment when Trump got shot at the child. Oh, the fake, the fake shot when he didn't get shot. What happened with Luigi Manjani, what I'll remember is they, he shot one guy and they knew exactly where he was the whole time. I still believe that. And they shut the city down.

9:37Yeah. They shut it down. People with machine gun three states. Fuck the city everywhere. They were on the midtown tunnel. They were everywhere. We go to the next night. We go to nine inch nails. Moody center. Dude, we walked in. There was like no fucking security. There was no, I stuck in our kinds of joints. And I, I don't care about, we smoked some Halloween dog in there. We smoked to smoke some weed in there, dude. Yeah. But I guess that's my issue is that it's the seams to be. Why is it fishy? What's going on? I think there's a level of, I think that we're just don't believe anything anymore. No. I think that this seems like personally for me, this seems like it's what it really happened. Yeah, it seems, it does seem very cut and dry. Yeah. But this idea that you had a quote unquote terrorist cell attack. Yeah. If that's what they were going to call it. And then we're just going to roll on. Like nothing's happened. I've never. It's a terrorist attack. If I'm going to a major concert with 30,000 people,

10:37the next night blocks from where it happened. I, as a concert goer, one more security. And I know that again, that's unique to us in the United States of America, y'all. All right. Like it sucks. We don't like this. I've come. Honestly, it was crazy. I remember when we went on tour in Europe this year. And every time we went because like, you know, when we do tour touring in the United States of America and we do like a sort of pow out with the security beforehand, they can't wait to tell us how they're, they can and will shoot and kill a heckler. They can't wait to kill you, guys. The security wanted to shoot you right in that, right? And then when we went to Europe, we literally were like, is there sick? Like we asked for the security team. They all looked at each other and then a 90 year old woman walked in just like, we make sure that nobody, we make sure nobody. Yeah, it's tool out. It's like, oh, yeah, I forgot. You guys don't live like you're got a gun to the back of your fucking heads. But, you know, Europe's got their own. They got

11:37problems. See, they don't have air conditioning. Dude, all right. How about we got three people died from this from this shooting? And one of them died at the hospital recently. How about the fact that a goddamn waymo is blocking the ambulance is trying to get people out of there? There's footage of it. You can see it. It's you got a Dallas, Texas T underscore TV on Instagram. They got footage of this fucking waymo blocking an ambulance. Not only that, we saw a waymo block a different ambulance at a different time like a couple days ago. And they don't lined up in a row one time. They're everywhere and literally don't respond to honking. No. So they just stand there. Look at this shit. And now they had to admit, right? That they kick out the driving to a human remote driver when they get stuck. Yeah, some dude in the Philippines. Yeah. So like, which is very fast. It's fascinating. Austin, you're not LA yet. Okay. I know you want to be. I know that you're so desperate to have our culture. And I know that you're very thankful. It was. And I know Austin super thankful

12:39that LA imported its culture. And I just want to say you're welcome. Honestly, in every less dickhead we have that you receive, you're welcome. Thank you for taking them. But I'm also sorry. Because it because the waymo thing is a bit out of control. I took to several fans after our show that talked about how they were trying to get out of the parking lot of the paramount in a waymo. And it just like they have going front and back. They should have banded into the fucking thing. We're not there yet, y'all. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This is it's a fucking disaster. What these goddamn things are doing. We are not there. I think that we could say that waymo has blood on their hands officially. I mean, you know, I, but I would say it doesn't count until it fully kills a person on its own. And then it killed it killed kickcat. A waymo killed kickcat. Who's kickcat? A beloved bodega cat. Oh, a cat in, in, in San Francisco. That's really very sad. Yeah. That's fine. But you know, cats, you know, how they knew what happened. They heard the engine purring. Cute. Cats, take chances. Okay. Cat stick chances and cats. I'm sorry. I'm not

13:45blaming cats. I'm now trying to like cats more. I'm just trying to tell you that I do believe that I've seen cats take chances. And you don't want to take a chance with a waymo. They don't have the response time. Curious as a cat. There's a reason for the expression. Yes, curious as a con. But yes, six, six street was the little scary. I got to say like it was wild down there. I've been in Nashville, Broadway. I've been in Times Square. But six street. There's a good, there's a little edge to it that I just like I was like, it was not there before. I will tell you that. And I'm most people that I talk to also said the same exact thing. Austin, Austin will, I think Austin will resort itself on like 10 years. I love Austin. I think it's wonderful. It's weird. It's like, I'm scared of the town, but I was already trying to figure out when I'm going to come back. No, we had a fucking blast. And the Moody Center is one of the best amp theaters I've ever seen a show in. Yeah, absolutely. And the night and snail show was literally one of the, I was almost, we were crying, dude. And the Paramount was fucking beautiful. And the Paramount's one of the best venues in the world. It's a, it is an incredible place. And with the incredible things and people and attitudes. It's just right now. It's in a weird little spot. Six street could definitely use some love. Yeah. You could use a little

14:49love six street. I missed the best. I wouldn't wear my nice shoes. I wouldn't wear my nice shoes on six street. I did though. You did. Yeah. Oh, look at you. I'm trying to be less precious. Oh, that's so nice. Yeah. I got, I got like three pairs of shoes that I take care of. And then the rest of them for six street. That's key. Yeah. I got an update. Another update that I remember we asked about the cartels. Yes. And I actually think I really like this. This is a good level headed breakdown of it because we did not know what it looked like. And I just found it interesting to hear someone perspective from inside of Mexico. I actually need this. Please hit me with it. First and foremost, it is not a civil war in Mexico right now. Nothing like it. Nothing close to it. I'm from Nairite, which is one of the states that was living, was living in the chaos of the cartel a few days ago. Nairite and Halisco were the two affected states. As Mencho was the leader of the Halisco cartel. And the states are quite interconnected. So this is all after we were talking about El Mencho, the former like El Capo de Capos of the

15:51Halisco drug cartel. Yeah. That is the biggest crime syndicate slash military unit slash government substitute inside of Mexico. All right. So, so the leader was killed. Now we're kind of seeing there was like a power play going on. There was a situation similar to the one that we lived in Mexico when our dear president Felipe Calderón decided to play along with the USA's war on drugs and remove some big heads from the cartel effectively creating a power imbalance and a war between cartels to see who would be the next one in charge. So it resulted in a massive cartel war. Again, not a civil one. civilians definitely do not get involved. And we really just make memes and jokes about it, which is the Mexican way of dealing with anything bad, no matter how bad. Back then it was true. I remember when I was a cook. They love joking about murder. I get you have to. Every time you joke about it worked every fucking time. It's also if you laugh in your crying. I used to do this thing where I call I would take a bunch of knives and I'd throw them in between all of us on the ground. And I'd say, uh, Cochillo Muerte Fiesta.

16:55May I love them? They loved it. I didn't know what else they liked. They liked when you did the joke more than once. They like repeats. Yeah. That's where those shows work. Yeah. Because the only guy has to go. Oh, seeing a girl with big boobies, he's got a big pencil. It's the best. I mean, obviously it's a better form of comedy. It's better comedy than what we have right now. All right. So there was a full-on cartel showdown. Literal bodies were hanging from bridges in previously safe cities. In fact, my tiny city had an instance of a guy being cut into pieces and put in a big pot, among with all of the ingredients to make pizole. Because in Mexico, even the cartels have a sense of humor. Oh my gosh. So yes, removing a cartel head that holds a lot of power in the drug business creates a massive power vacuum. And they have all kinds of guys trying to be the next men show and killing others who stand in their way. While others are simply burning cars, creating generalized chaos because they are throwing a tantrum, but they're boss dying. This is once again, the Mexican government trying to make the US happy. In fact,

17:58the guys shown as the Mexican soldiers hunting and taking down the hotel, quote unquote, are quite clearly American. This is a part of the new quote, anti cartel force led by the American military. Are they Marx? Are they, are they, are they actual merit military? I think they are military, but I don't know if they're necessarily saying they're American military. So once again, our government trying to play along with the gringos has created chaos. The narco showdown closed schools, shops, restaurants and public transport for a couple of days. Right now, everybody's back to work and school in both Holesco and Nyaryt. They will continue to be narco violence, maybe not to as big of a scale as I in the last past few days, just to some degree until they find a new boss and the balance is restored. This is also the very last paragraph was like kind of interesting. The narcos, even if everyone likes to think otherwise, are part of the economy. Drugs are a huge business and the governments have deals with them to allow the drugs to reach their target areas. So they should kindly give up the government pantomime of we will eliminate

19:01all drugs. The whole American continent has a drug trade. Things flow to the US and Canada, police forces, militaries and governments know this and even help facilitate the smuggling. Even as a child, I knew that for every truck of drugs and intercepted by the police, there was five more going freely to their destination. So yes, it seemed to be was a lot of trouble. There was a lot of crazy footage. A lot of it seemed to apparently have been AI, obviously. Oh, yes. Just kind of showing more of like trying to pump up. You might remember our reaction. We're like, oh, my God, there's going to be civil war in Mexico. It worked completely on us. Yeah, we watched it. We were immediately what's going to happen. And it worked. And so essentially what they're saying is that it's just going to go back. I mean, of course, yeah. I mean, it's not the first fucking drug kingpin to get killed in Mexico. No. And it's also it's just business. Yeah. In a way. Oh, and just so you know, El Mencho was buried in a golden casted. Oh, that's the dream. So all right. So he's buried

20:02in a golden casket. It's been a week since he was murdered. They obviously didn't make it. So that means they had one for sale somewhere. I honestly, you'd be surprised. Yeah. You'd be surprised. Golden caskets also. It's going to be gold plated. I doubt. I doubt it. It's going all the way through. It's very heavy. I also can straight up imagine. Maybe it was gold fucking colored. Yeah. Whoa. I mean, that looks cool. It's pretty gold. I want that, man. Yeah. I could see you buried in that. I want to be wider, maybe. I use one to lay in. That's got to be hard to hit. That's going to be heavy. Let's talk to the small kid. Does he still have the casket? Yeah. Yeah. He's the casket company. We've had him on our podcast. He's never had you on the podcast. David, let's talk. Let's put Henry in a casket. What are we doing here? Henry belongs in a casket. I'm trying to get booked on many shows. So he's a book on many shows. Well, all I know is there's no way this fucking casket's staying

21:04in the ground that long. No, they're going to go get that. Why wouldn't it? It's ridiculous. Putting it on the news. We're like, here's your golden. It's buried right here. It's pretty difficult to steal though. Yeah. No, it's definitely plated. No way I don't want to be able to carry it. Okay. So we have one more update because I briefly talked about this at the end of the show last last time. There's the 11 year old who was accused of killing his adoptive dad over his Nintendo switch. I remember. He's now getting tried as an adult. You know, this story is interesting. This 11 year old is being brought back and forth with guards. They're talking about this 11 year old. Like, look, I can't believe they're charging and as an adult. And the reason why is not only that is name is not even officially guilty. No, but his name's in all these articles because they're treating them like an adult. It's because of the nature of the crime. So, okay. So he was his birthday. Yes.

22:06He received an officially 11. Yes. He became 11 that day. Yes. He got his Nintendo switch for his birthday. He played it for a while. Parents had the audacity to say screen times over. It's time for you to go to bed. Well, mom was already asleep. Yes. And they were going to put him to bed. This is about him going to bed. And he was angry about going to bed. So he was like, fuck this. He went in. He looked for the switch. He found the key to the gun case. Yeah. He opens up the gun safe thinking maybe the switches inside. Instead, he sees the guns in there. He takes the gun out. He then proceeds to go find the bullets. Yeah. Load the gun. This is the thing. This is the thing that changes it for me in 11 year old. He noted how to load a gun. Walks into the other room, point blank, blows his adopted father's head off. Right. Just blows his fucking brains out. He then has to go and be like, my daddy's dead. My daddy's dead. He lies. The first thing he says is my daddy's dead. He doesn't say I did it. It wasn't until he got to the fucking police station

23:08that he's like, I killed daddy. And now they are like, it's bad, dude. It's bad, man. It's definitely bad. But I can't help but think they're the way they're treating this kid is totally fucking wrong. All right. I am, I am same. I don't like over policing and I don't like the idea of a child being handled like an adult. I don't like it. But the kids are like even like 15. It makes a little more sense. He's a lab. You're not even a teenager. I am going to, I'm going to let me just do a little bit of a told you so when we talk about slender man girls, right? Yeah. The fact that Morgan Geyser put together this plan of attack, executed the plan of attack in an extremely complicated way preceded to lie after the fact, right? Now she goes and she gets, now she gets, we saw her that she got released. Yeah. Immediately obviously not ready to be out in the real world like not ready. All sorts of

24:12fucked up reading, reading of eyelet material, shacking up with that weird 40 year old that helped her escape. And then they're doing all like it's bad, it's bad stuff, just bad. So I think we're in a bit of a rock in a hard place here. When they're showing that type of premeditated murder with a cover up, there is something very bad happening inside the kid. And I agreed completely with that, but I don't know what you do. Like I remember there was that HBO documentary about like I am Adam Lanza's mother or whatever, but the idea of growing up with kids that have like homicidal pral, like are literally dangerous. And then back from the day, they you should just put them in mental institutions. I just think an 11 year old child has doesn't understand the concept of death. I completely understand that you get another life like it's a fucking video game. I completely understand, but when if you like think about that, though, you're your first idea. We grew up with violent video

25:14games. Yeah. We did video violence. We had guns in the house. The idea of jumping in my head, like honestly, even as a little boy, like as anger, as angry as you ever were, would you ever like go, I'm gonna shoot him in the head. And I'm gonna get the gun. And then not even just I'm not just saying I'm gonna kill you and slamming the door. It's I'm gonna kill you. I'm gonna get and then finding the gun and then look and then doing all of it. Yeah. All right. How drunk is this fucking dad that he doesn't know the kids going into the gun safe? And I don't know. It like it like like how passed out are these parents that they don't fucking see the kid or hear the kid loading the gun. He's holding the safe. He was in a horrible situation. Yes, the old well, that's my personal opinion. I think that obviously he could get to the gun. I think the kid's kind of I'm gonna go I'm gonna say nice. All right. Some kids the born sour. Hey, I agree with kids of born sour. I'm not saying I want this kid to move in

26:18with me, but I don't know what to do. They obviously they're gonna look into I think they're gonna end up getting in juvenile court. I do think that this will because he is a he's a child. He is a little. They try him as an adult at 11 and then what you put him in fucking gent pop. No, I mean, what's the what do you do with that if I try to as an adult? I might actually even be wrong side stories LPL gmail.com. I would love to know if it could be I think there might even be a separation. I might know we might be wrong entirely. I think there might be a bit of a separation where they can try him as an adult, but then they because of the nature of the crime, but then I think they can punish him in another way. I think that that's how it works. I have to. I think I don't think he can he's not going to go to jail for the rest of his life. Like I think that he would end up going to some form of juvenile facility until he's 18. Then he'd be re-evaluated and then they would they would do that again. I just don't know how I don't know how you do that. Yeah, because that's the thing, man. He's Michael Myers kind of. He is kind of Michael Myers.

27:20No, you know, not really. I mean, what are they going to do with them though? They're going to put him in a room and they're going to lock him up or something and then he's going to this poor kid's going to end up. Oh, no, even worse. Oh, yeah, no, I don't think that there's a good option here. I don't think this is a good option. I don't think, but I just I am more speaking on the side of I can see a bunch of prosecutors and police officers being like, what do I do with a complicated series of steps from a child that actually like committed first degree murder? Yeah, you know, like it's intense. It's not second degree. He wasn't like playing around with the gun and accidentally went off like we see all the time. It wasn't like that. It's like, that's the difference to me is that it's not the it wasn't some horrific set of circumstances. It was no, he thought about it and he did it. He thought about it and he did it and that's why I pull out. That's why I said never one of these directly into David Jones' locker. That's right. Yeah, you got to

28:21throw a combination on your gun saves. Yeah, don't make it just a key. Yeah, you know, but also just same time just again, you just lock your kid in his room every night. Every night put him in the room, lock him in there, still in the mouth. He's 18. And the only way he's allowed out is if he leaves. Yeah, you tell me you got to leave the house. Well, we have more family annihilators this week, don't we? Yeah, we do, Eddie. But this one, we don't make the news, by the way, we just have to report on what comes to us. We just, yeah, we're just a part of this. Or should we do our update first? Oh, our other update. Oh, yeah, we have one more. Let's hit it, Rob. It's an island adventure. Heck yeah, it's Jeffrey time. We were extremely sorry that we couldn't live stream the Hillary Clinton deposition last week, or the Bill Clinton deposition. They decided to put it behind closed doors because they're pussies, but they loved it, but the Clintons wanted it. And then they said no. And then they took

29:25secret photos of them because of now. Lauren Bobert has the fucking mind of a 17 year old girl. It's so weird. If there's no cameras, then why have I seen so much footage of it? Because they have been slowly releasing an ever since Lauren Bobert put out that picture and Hillary Clinton snapped at her. So those guys, you know, she, you know, they brought Hillary Clinton, Bill Clinton in to do the whole fucking dog and pony show. I was going to tell Rig Amarole. Yeah, all rig Amarole, you're right about what they knew about Epstein because the keys is to bring the people that act like never want to bring anybody that's really in there. You want to make sure you bring people that you just don't like. So they brought Hillary Clinton in there. She crushed the room. She is, you know, I'm never going to say she's now fucking evil, but I'm glad in this moment she is. She works the room like Sharon Stone in Casino. Dude, I'm like, she works a fucking chair like fucking Sharon Stone in base against it. She walked in there and she let them have it with both barrels. She doesn't know anything.

30:31blah, blah, blah, obviously not, but the thing they questioned her about aliens. They questioned her about. Yeah, there was a bit where Hillary Clinton, again, I'm not even a fan. I'm not even a fan, but it was a she did this breakdown for these morons about what you do in an investigation. And they said and she was like, there's a thing called behavior patterns, things you all put together. She was like, so maybe I would put for you. They asked him, she should, should Trump be in this room? And she was like, the way she looks, she's like, so there's patterns of this behavior. Let's just say, mentions in all these files, thousands, maybe close to a million mentions in these files. That's one thing. But then you have, let's say, a person who might be now the president of the United States of America, but they actually were held libel for the rape of E. Jean Carroll. Yes. Right. They also were then shown that they did election interference by giving election money to stormy

31:35Daniels in order to shut her up and all that shit, right? Yes. We know that he was convicted of that. And she was like, those are literally the two types of crimes we are looking for to set a precedent for behavior. They're right there. She's like, it's right there. So you mean to tell me, there is no distinct reason. Meanwhile, like Bill Bill, right? Bill's not a nice guy either. I think Bill's also a fucking rapist. Oh, he might like him a little bit more ripen on the vine. It seems like he, if we look at you, he looks like something like some full woman. Sometimes I also think that he also knows because Bill Clinton was not fully just led by the tip of his fucking dick. He also knew how to do it properly. He knew how to, he's like, he's not sitting around acting like fucking like he's some kind of ski resort villain with Jeffrey Epstein. He's above those. He's in a saxophone and he's serenade. Someone has a great night. He's above that. He's not like right. He's not like like like Bill Clinton's a rapist, but you know,

32:41but not on that island. But so it was all put together. It's just like, it's just a very interesting. I think that the main issue is that they were not the people we needed to hear from. Obviously, they were not the people we needed to hear from. Bill Clinton did not throw Trump out of the bus. He said that he was unaware of any wrongdoing, but he said that he was only unaware. Yeah, it wasn't. He said that it wasn't. He wasn't. He doesn't. He's not saying he didn't, but then he did. He was unaware of it personally. I mean, he had no connection with him after he was convicted. He did. He did. Technically to his credit, there is that. Yes. He did end it when it all came out. And so he also explained the hot tub picture. He just said, I was just so, so tired. He does look tired. Oh, I was just, oh, you wouldn't believe how big I was. And Jeff, yes, he did offer me use of his hot tub as a relaxation vehicle. And so yeah. And yes,

33:44there were women occupying the waters of the hot tub, but we're in a hot tub together. I say no. But he did one of those where he kind of said, like, oh, you know, I slept there a couple times. Hillary Clinton actually said that she knew does just laying a little bit more. Really? Then, uh, Jeff, and that she was put in contact with her several times. Again, just nothing there. You know, who needs to be in there? Howard lost Nick. Yeah, he was. That question is asked. Remember, he was all like, yeah, I brought my family to hang out with him. Oh, yeah. I brought my wife and my children to hang out at the island. Fucking once this putz was Howard Lutnik was a fucking nothing burger. And then the other one was a nothing burger. We're all these fucking pieces. Yet less waxed, and all these mother fuckers. But we were really hoping to stream it live. So then they have now been putting out piece by piece. Uh, Wall Street Journal put out the chunk of when she fucking berated Lauren Bobert. Yeah. Uh,

34:45she is his own Wall Street Journal. Nothing. I love more than when she's got her empire helmet on. Oh, dude. When Hillary Clinton's coming in with solid hair, you better fucking watch out. Yeah. She doesn't look like this every day. She looks great right here. No, she is fluffed out. She looks like a mad blowfish. Yeah. Punch the table. Yeah. Oh, did she? Oh, yeah. Man, she's fucking badass, man. She's fine. You know, I'm still again. I don't like her. No. I hate both of the Clintons with all of my heart. It doesn't take away the fact that she's terrified. They're very impressive. When you put him in a deposition room, you really see the years of doing it too, because like they're talking about she did how many days of Benghazi hearing she did how many days Oh, she knows how to fucking take it to the Coles man. She's an evil bitch and they better fucking bring it. They don't know evil. Yeah. All right. None of these fuckers even met Jeffrey Epstein. She actually met evil. Okay. And she probably told evil to go fuck itself. I'm the evil

35:46one. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Don't forget. She's also, uh, chummy with Weinstein. Oh, I'm not sick. Again, Hillary Clinton's got him fucking her vagina has a bullet in it. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Yeah. She is a fucking mean as bitch. She will rip off your face. Chalera Chelsea, Clintons. I honestly think Chelsea, Clintons is like, I remember Colossus from X-Men. Oh, yeah. She can turn into steel. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Created by the forge of her vagina. Oh my god. How about fucking Bill looking through all the pictures and like giggling like it was like, he was like, he was like going over old times. I remember this one. Oh, remember this one time with me semi-hagar. Oh, man. That was a good time. I remember, oh, remember this time we all got K-so. That's honestly, I gotta say that was I'm single best guy so I've ever seen. And when I saw Jeff, Jeff, you got a little piece of piece of, I'll pen you and I said, Jeff, I feel your pain.

36:46But I feel like you can't even do anything to Clinton. No, if he came out and said, all this is true and I did it, I don't even think you can arrest him. No, there is. Well, you technically, well, you would have to come out and say, I systematically raped girls on camera with every Epstein. Here's the footage. Yeah. All of these like, as much as I want all these motherfuckers to be held accountable, they're interviewing everybody way too quickly. Well, no, there shouldn't be any trials or anything yet. Eddie, they are blowing up the process. Yeah. It's what they're doing. They're basically ruining the process itself to make sure nothing happens. That's why Cash Mattel's in there. That's why Pam Bondy's in there. The whole point is to make sure absolutely nothing gets done. And that's why to my people, to my listeners, it's a great time to commit crimes. This is a really great time. Yeah. Good crimes. This is a really good time to commit. No financial crimes. I'll get you. If you steal, if you try to steal money, they'll get you. It depends on who you're stealing from. Yeah. Yes. You steal the government. Yeah. If you steal

37:48from a poor person, that's rewarded. No, they would love for you to do. They hire you. They hire you. So I'm going to say, good on you, Hillary Clinton. They fucking tried to capture you, but you're a pubic monster and reject them. I'm Bill Clinton. I hope you found a 300 pound woman that you could crawl in the bell under the belly of joy this weekend because I know you need to relax. Yeah. He's got a real sax appeal. Yeah. He does. Oh my god. Look at this. I found a crawler in there. This is amazing. You know, hey, I'm just like smoking a cigarette. Oh my god. Well, you know, this painting will be back on the wall. Where do they going to do with that painting of Bill Clinton in the dress? They should put it somewhere. I'd buy it in a goddamn second. Why not? We could raise money for the victims. Yeah. Why not? We give them something. Yeah. The payout. The Sotheby's Epstein. Did you see that the Epstein estate payout to the victims? It was like 35 million. That's it. Nothing. Nothing. It's like

38:55each one of them gets one million. Yeah. What the fuck? Yeah. Nothing. Just absolute garbage. Did they take it? Yeah, of course. But once you take it, doesn't that ruin everything? No, it's all what they got. Goddamn. That's what they fucking got. Yeah. So they're not even making money off of it. Fucking unbelievable. All right. We got one more horrific story. For some reason, I felt like I could have called this. All right. I don't know why. I'm a veteran of the Squatty Party. Yeah. What about them? Compositing child sexual abuse materials. You know what it is? It's the cute name. It's word squatty. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's it. I don't like the word squatty. Never dead. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, exactly. Squatty. It's like because a squatty sounds like a little bunch of papa squatty over here in my mouth with a boy. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. You know. You're talking cute about shitting. I'd over like it. Yeah. Although I kind of last like I got to do. Yeah. But that's different. It's weird. But if you were saying I got a do-do and then you took a do-do on an infant's face. Yes. That makes me super disturbed. That was yes. You're right. That's a shit.

39:58Do you guys use the Squatty Party? Do you guys have a Squatty Party? No. I Julie bought me one for Christmas and I don't like using it. So I always pushed it to the side. It's full. My problem with the Squatty Party, honestly, is the fact that I might work. I might not. I don't like what it adds to my toilet environment. I hate it. Because that's what I could just do. I put down two stacks of books. Yeah. Yeah. You hate books. No. I'm just saying. I just books. I've already read. But you're going to get like piss all over the books. How much do I pay? How much you're pissing in on that? I'm pissing all out everywhere. You never know what's going to happen that once in a while. But I learned to say you have to point your penis down more. Yeah. But sometimes you're doing something else. Sometimes you're too hard to pee. Haha. You guys sometimes come it down a bit. Well, that helps you. Yes. Yeah. Get that pee out of there. So 50 year old Robert Bobby Edwards. Yeah. I love that they put Bobby as if it's a uncommon nickname for the more than the name Robert. So he was indicted because he received a child pornography, which child sexual abuse material. You know, we're going to call it that instead of because we know what we talked about before.

41:00Child pornography means there's a casting director. Now, it was. Yeah. Prost. Prost used to say the cast. The case began 2021. When you undercover FBI agent joined a group chat, that people used to trade CSAM on. And someone in that chat shared a link to a zoom meaning where a screen was being shared that showed child sexual abuse videos. Oh, good job. Yeah. And then the zoom meaning it went straight to this guy's office. And he did it from the offices of Squatty Potty himself. No. Oh, yeah. He did. So he was selling it. No, he purchased it. He purchased it and was sharing it. A part of what you do, Eddie, there's many different ways. There's many ways to share CSAM. Okay. So part of what you can do is they do it a lot in, you know, like, I thought no one watches CSBAM. Well, I watched CSBAM, but I was CSBAM I watched, but I have to have a mukbang video in video at the same time. I watch CSBAM, which is a canned ham.

42:03Uh, you know, mukbang. It's not good for your blood pressure because I have your blood pressure. All right. CSAM. All right. So CSAM, they go in there. They, uh, so it seems like one of the ways, right? So you could get it on a text chain. They do it over drop box, which is a bad idea. They do it over certain things. But one thing that people also do is they will show it over zoom and record the screen of the zoom in order to try to disrupt the chain of possession. Oh, and what you got to pay to be in the zoom. Yes. And then you pay to be in the zoom. And so that's one way to do it. That is the way these guys do it because again, it takes a village. So these guys are a squatty potty guy. I did not know squatty potty was a shark tank thing. Oh, shark tank. What do I say? Shark shark tank. That's what I said. That's a joke. See, that's because it's squatty potty. But that's fun. Yeah. I don't want to be in a shark tank. Could be fun. Yeah. It depends on the girls doing it. That's your fucking certain. So up low in a way by this. Do you think zoom knows this is happening?

43:05I think a zoom every day has to fight every single thing bad thing that happens on every single day. I think this happens multiple hundreds of times every single day on zoom. Cool. I think of this really nothing good to do to stop it. And I think that they are they try really hard, but it's really, really difficult. You know, what are you gonna do? Hey, I mean, I don't know. I think we can chop the heads off every man that's ever lived. But that you feel like that also might be difficult. That is difficult, especially because both of us are met. I mean, I feel like we have a good way to maybe get in front of this by describing ourselves as some of the good ones. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's right. That's right. That's right. I'm an ally. Yeah. Sure. Yeah. That's why I like it. I feel like anyone who says the sentence I'm an ally should be immediately investigated. If you are a white man that tells a woman to her face how much of an ally you are, you've done bad things. We know this. And it's always true. Every single time it's always true. You need me to be slightly misogynistic to know I'm normal. You have to

44:08know I'm normal. Okay. But yeah, this guy, well, who knows if he's going to go down. All he knows is that the fucking the charges will not get dropped like the wonderfully spaced out dukes that the Squatty Potty did provide for twosers. And I will say when I just get lower toilets, they have those. Yeah. As a plumber, I can tell you what they do have. It's from Asia, right? Would you like if you showed up? No. If you showed up to a client and they had a Squatty Potty, do you judge them? No, I saw them often. I just, I push them out of the way. I don't have any time for that. You know, I found with Squatty Potty's is that they get, they get like dirty. Yeah, so it's gotta be all covered in piss, all the splashback. Honestly, everything I changed mean was that I just go get into the, I don't need that as much I need the, the bidet. Oh, yeah, you love your bidet. My bidet is the only thing that fucking, again, I talked, I'll sit on that to five to eight minutes. Man, do you flush with the toilet lid down in order so the P.P. and Pupu particles don't get everywhere? No, my toilet doesn't immediately leave the second I

45:12stand up. Wow, because of how wonderful it is and how Asian it is. Wow, that's so nice. It's so disciplined. Yes, your toe toe, like the Asian Olympic teams. Yes, you shit out like a little dog. He sits there and he goes, me hungry, daddy. Me hungry, daddy. And I go, here comes breakfast right on time. No, no fucking shit right now. I was as Asian throughout. Spray me. Spray me. Toto, I don't care. I'm glad he's a dude. My underwater fountain. His name's Toto. He's my little friend. I'd fucking, I wish I could take my Toto and I'd put him in a little fucking satchel on my horse. Wherever I went. All right, I think we got something. Listen to the email. You guys want a new listener email stinger this week? I really did like that funky one. Okay. I mean, if we don't like it, can we hear the funky one again? Yeah, of course. All right, but only if we don't like it.

46:35Yeah, dude, I really brought out my whiteness. Yeah, maybe feel white, but cool. Yeah, I mean, I feel like I can go to a music festival or something right now. Oh, yeah, was it the, yeah, what was that stain song? I saw stained at Osfest and I was very mad about how like, they never like lifted up their heads. No, they're just like always did everything like. Yeah, they were fucking sad and he's a trumper. Yeah, we know. He's a piece of shit. Always come stained. Yeah, we know. All right, here we go. First of all, I wanted to read this because I never read this when this happened. You know, they got stained. Put a little mud. Oh, simply delightful. I can beat them. All right, so this came out. This was the, we talked about

47:37the Olive Garden Suicide and I did not read this email and I forgot to that sentence. I'm sorry that that's a funny sentence. The Olive Garden Suicide. We talked about the Olive Garden Suicide. That's my acoustic album. They'll be going out in their form. All sum it up. We got an email that was talking about how someone was at was happening at the Olive Garden Suicide with the chef stuck his fucking head in there, right? Okay. So we said apparently they were doing it so often. They were fighting him. He was high on PCP. We now know that he was very much high on PCP and he kept going, I'm fucking hot here, man. It's fucking hot near man. And he was taking his clothes off and they were like, no, stop. And he was like, I gotta fucking do it, man. They were like, stop it, stop it. And then he just, he dunked his head in the oil once. They grabbed him, pull him out. And he's like, I'm all right. I'm all right. He could still talk. Oh, yeah, Spacer. Cause then he stuck his head back in, right? He did it three times, dude. Well, he was screaming, I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm always just whipping oil all over everybody. Dude, they were

48:39just screaming. They were all like, it was the worst day in their whole lives. Wow. Yeah, I work there and it's happened. Here's the email. Fucking nightmare fuel, screaming women, five males on staff. And one is jumping into the fryer. He was on PCP and something possessed him to believe that the fryer was water in a restaurant full of ice and fountains and sinks. I pulled him out three separate times as they fought to go back in. No noise from him. Only three words. I'm cool, bro. I'm cool, bro. Face melting and ass and oil. And I told him to get the fuck out. I'm jealous of anyone who wasn't there. I pray you never see anything like it. Do we believe that's real? Yeah, dude. Why not? Why what are you talking about? Oh, it's for credit. Okay. I thought he said just some random person sent us to that. No. And so that was one. And then I got a bunch of heroing fucking kitchen stories. Oh, yeah. Well, they are all fucking terrifying, man. I've seen terrible shit myself. I've been a woman working in kitchens on the San Antonio

49:41River walk for about 10 years now. About a year ago, dishwasher 30 or 30-year-old man got his first job since getting out of prison and promptly began threatening the life and family of a line cook. Have your one stressful St. Patrick's Week in Saturday shift. Yeah, it's a bad day. Yeah, whenever we say Patrick said our restaurant, I would just say only hot dogs. That's all we're cooking today. Fuck these people. St. Patrick's Day needs to literally be cut from the calendar. It's not even a real holiday. Can we stop it? Is there a present? It's like that we'll just next week. I know that it's some form of like I know that they're they try to make it like cultural every year. I know that's a cultural thing, but I just feel like there's something else we could do. It needs to end. I think it's bad. I don't think it matters. Yeah. Does it matter? I mean, I know I'm going to get emails about this. Oh, I'm sure some people care, but it's a Catholic holiday. Yeah, I'm mixing me even hate it more. And I even like Easter. It's a stupid I hate Easter. But I mean, it's a nice to have a thing to do. I like lamb. It's a stand Easter. But like lamb. Yeah, I like food. Easter is always trying to fuck with 420. That shit pisses me off.

50:41Sometimes they're together. Go together, man. Maybe this year we'll finally do that watch along of the pasture of the Christ. I'm bad. There we go. So this person, they got into a fight. The line cookie. He said he was early 20s. He bought a gun out of his backpack. He calmly walked up to the dishwasher that was chatting up a busser in the employer break area and then shot the dishwasher three times in the head point blank. Damn. This is just the and the police were called the shooter fled the scene, the owner of the restaurant, the manager and staff. They cleaned up the remaining brain matter off the wall, lockers, tables, chairs, nearby drink fountain. And they opened up for Sunday brunch the next day. It wasn't in the kitchen. It was in the back room. This is just wild to me. Well, I mean, it's already a disaster. What are you supposed to lose a whole fucking day of sales? I guess, but just somebody just got their brains blown out in the kitchen. You know what's weird is I don't think people realize that a lot of restaurants really operate day to day. I do understand. Like one day off can close down a restaurant. I totally understand. So from a business owner's aspect, I'm the aspect I understand, but from like,

51:45I'm just taking more of like if I was a customer and I was I'd just be like, oh, I just just blew his fucking brains out. Like if I saw like the mop buckets from the guy's brains, yeah. There's other restaurants. Hello, that's reasonable. Cook's take. Yeah. This is the first my first time riding in. I thought that a suicide attempt of the deep fryer stories, the perfect opportunity for this story. Cool. When I was 15 years old, I got my first kitchen job at a local pub called the last straw. During my first week, I met and worked with a nice girl who explained to me that she had been working there for a few years now. While working, it was disclosed to me that the girl in the kitchen and we call her Alice had epilepsy. And one day before I had worked there, she had had an epileptic fit and it fully submerged both her arms in the deep fryer. Oh no. Alice had permanent scars that ran up the entirety of both of her arms. And while I wasn't there when this happened, I was working with her when she pulled the proverbial last straw. One day, while we were sweeping up, I heard her make a very

52:51abnormal grunt. And I rolled around to find her falling face first onto the tile floor onto an epileptic fit. It was an absolute mess. My chef leader had asked me to hold her head out of her own blood and vomit because he couldn't hold his own in and held her head up at the same time. I'm proud to say that I was able to do so the entire time since my stomach is probably just off is if not more weak with these types of things. Alice was okay. We sent her away with the paramedics, but that was her last shift at the last straw. And from when I heard, she decided to pursue a career in admin desk work. I actually think that's great. That was a really good idea for careful with that pen cup. This was my first week in the kitchen industry as a 15 year old. I went on to cook and bartend for many years after, but I can tell you I've never had a first week on the job like that one before or since those deep friars are nothing to mess around with. Amen. Amen. Amen. I remember one time I was cleaning the deep fryer. We'd like hit it with like a little spackle thing, you know, to kind of like brush it off. This is a B-dubs. Like at the chunk software, whatever like the bit the hard parts before you run it through the filter, you know,

53:53because you got to keep that shit as long as you can. And while I'm doing that, this, that one of the waitresses walked back in and this had a giant metal door with a jagged bottom in the back. And she wasn't paying attention. The door came back and it went like it like lodged under her ankle. Oh my god. And then she lifted up and slutted and it severed her Achilles 10. Oh my god. In front of all of us. And then I saw that I was like, Holy shit. And then I stuck my arm in the fryer. And so I had to drive us both to the hospital. It was a hell of a night. Oh, you did sick your arm in a fryer. You have experienced it. But it had been off for a while and he cooled a little bit. I have an apparent scarring or anything like that. I'm permanent scarring from like bottles going through my hand and shit like that. And like, but you know, case to ross around sure she's fine now. Hey, you know what it comes down to? That's why. Now we're in the thought business. Yeah. Because things are scary. Work scary. T H O T. Yes. We are like prostitutes, but for jokes. I mean, just want to say thank you.

54:57Each one of you because we love you and I we love to tell these jokes. That's right. We live. We live to entertain you and we go around the world and we want to entertain you to make you laugh. And someone just brought us a bunch of sandwiches. Oh, thank you. And this is packaged. I trust this. I don't know who it's from. It's better with it when it comes. I hate when people said jerky like in a ziplock bag. Do you ever like a salmon skin salad? I like all salmon. I'm big bear. This is great. I can't wait for this. Thank you. Who sent it, Rob? Do you know? Mystery. Thank you, mystery man. I'm going to shut out of your fucking salmon jerky. You want to bring me salmon jerky? You know where you can bring it? You can bring it to Urbana, Illinois. That's right. That's going to be on March 14th. Henry and I are going to be sliding up there next week. Lincoln and fucking and barking and all that shit. So come on down and hang out with us. We still got some tickets left of that. They're all selling real fast. I got a feeling that all these shows are going to sell out. Lexington, Kentucky on April 26th. Netflix is a joke

55:58here in Los Angeles. May 7th, 945 at the Avalon. Night of a million stars. You eat it. You fuckers. Those fuckers. Those fucking celebrities. There comes the off. Right in New York. Billy Wayne Davis can be on our show. You want a fucking diet of too many stars? We got your goddamn fuck ass. Literally, if you come to the show, we might, we might buy you food or something. Alaska officially rescheduled April 17th and 18th. You come screw us there. Eat some salmon jerky. We are going to have, and I promise you we're going to make up for it. We're going to fucking great time in the lens. That's right. Rochester, New York May 30th and London, Ontario. That's going to be on June 28th. I got some personal shows. April 3rd here in Los Angeles at Lyric. I period with Amber Nelson, P Funk Fest in Tallahassee, April 11th, ViStar Stadium in Jacksonville, April 12th, July 10th, the salute to Bethlehem, Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, and July 12th, Newark, New Jersey. I got a bunch more shows. I'm about to drop it, you guys. This is a lot of fun.

57:02I'm fucking loving on the road. Yeah, it is so much goddamn fun. And we will see you out there on the fucking ice. Go patreon.com. Let's podcast and left to watch us. Do those stream live every Tuesday, 25 p.m. PST now. And it's what we've changed it to because we want to. And you vote it. And so we won. Yes, you go over there at LP on the left. You can see all that's our social media bullshit. And go over to YouTube for some places underneath LP and Romantic City, the foreign report, LP and TV, no dogs in space. And who's the bitch? Let's get it going. That's right, baby. We love you. We love you. A hell of Bruce Campbell. He's sick. Yeah, I saw Bruce Campbell's got kids. Yeah, I saw it. That's incredible. Dan Simmons who wrote the Iperian books also done. He died. That's different. So shout out to Dan Simmons. Thank you. RIP. Yep. There we go. But Hail Bruce Campbell. We'll get to him. We chose all wrong on our deathball, man. We really did. I wasn't going to put Bruce Campbell on there. No, I would never. I would never in a million years.