Setting boundaries and making good choices

     It's true, a developmental imperative, that our kids will always test the limits. Why is that? Well, by testing the limits, they know that the limits are there. Our kids live within the limits we set for them. Those limits help them be less anxious, less afraid, more secure. However such limits are only set when boundaries are secured. It's within these secure boundaries that our kids can practice making good choices for themselves.

     When your child is on your last nerve, sit him down for some productive problem-solving. Start with "This isn't like you. What else is going on?" If you get a blank stare or a one-word answer, make your essay question a multiple choice question. You know enough about your child's life to come up with several options of what could be stressing him. Use active listening to help lower his emotional fever. When you see him settled, ask permission to help out. That's when productive problem-solving can happen. The result is setting helpful boundaries within which your child can make good choices, and you will no longer have to live so close to your last nerve.