SEALs Don’t Quit | Jimmy May | The Sean Trace Show

0:00You can't save the whole world, but I can, my sphere of influence, I can do good things in. And so that's why I started Beyond the Brotherhood. We screen and select Navy SEALs a character. Why have character? Because I'm a complete elitist, I'm not unabashedly and unashamed and elitist. I take the very best guys, I've always been that way, and I'm like, those are the guys who are at the most risk for killing themselves. Because where do you put the best guy? You put them on very front point man. You put them, you know, alone and afraid and those guys get exposed to more danger. And those guys are the ones most likely to kill themselves. And so I screen and select for the very best guys and what's happened is it's been really easy to get job placement because as people start to realize what Beyond the Brotherhood is about, they're like, oh, these are the highest quality of a very high quality community. And so that purpose, helping these high quality guys, has been powerful for me. And I think it's driven me and even made it executive my for profit, all of my events

1:03are run by SEALs. And it's really fun. The guys enjoy it. You know, I pay well, I pay cash, I pay up front and, you know, the guys like it. Well, welcome everybody back to the Sean Trace show. I've got an awesome guest with me today, would you like to tell people who you are and a little bit about what you do? Yeah, my name is Jimmy May. I spent 22 years in the SEAL teams and then after that, I had a within four months of our retirement, four of my friends died by their own hand. And so I was unacceptable to me. So I started a nonprofit, 501 C3, I couldn't even spell it back then and we just jumped in both feet and we started Beyond the Brotherhood. And at the same time, I started my for profit business made executive services. So now I've been out of the teams for about three years and we have almost 60 fellows at Beyond the Brotherhood, which is really cool, zero suicides among those guys and made executive my for profit business is doing really well. So it's just been a good transition, it hasn't always been easy, but it's been good.

2:03That's awesome, man. It's awesome to have the purpose, but you know, it was when I was reading up your bio, it was awesome to hear about, hear about what you're doing because you spent over two decades in the SEAL teams leading an extreme environments. But I wanted to ask you this, like looking back, what part of experience most shaped your understanding of purpose and how did that shape your purpose going forward now? You know, I think that when I lost friends and I lost more friends than I come, I fingered some toes. And when I lost friends in combat or even even training, it sucks to tell someone they lost some training, but you know, at least it seems more purposeful than when they take their own life. You know, that's something that's been really hard for me to, to kind of like wrap my head around. And I mean, it's laid my career, but in that, when that happened, within four months of my retirement, going, having to go to, you know, four funerals, it really hit me hard. And so that was probably where I was like, something has to be done, someone has to do it. Why not me? I did it. That's it.

3:05I mean, it's interesting because, not interesting, it's um, I had a grandfather, my grandfather now, I had a grandfather, my grandfather, um, he lived to be 90 something and he worked until he was 93, he was a dentist. He showed up every day because, you know, it was the purpose that he had and he loved working and he loved having that purpose, you know, and it's interesting because people cultivate purpose. And in the teams, you know, when people leave the teams, it means losing some of that identity, you know, that's a huge, yeah, yeah, talk to me about that. Well, I started to change my identity a little bit earlier on. I mean, I, I have a lot of things, I'm a seal, but I was also, you know, a grappler and I was also a dad and I had a lot of things. I didn't really have my life all into one box. But there are times in your life and the seal teams, it is all on one box because, you know, to be, to do that job at the right level, you really have to put all in.

4:10And so, you know, we have a very high divorce rate. I've been divorced a few times, it sucks, but it's just really hard. So, um, I don't know if I, if that's a good answer or if I even answered your question, I kind of got kind of rambled it further from, I'm so sorry. No, it did, you know, it's like, the, I don't think that, you know, I, I don't think that a lot of people can understand, um, I've had the, the honor and pleasure of, of known some guys that were on the teams and just the stuff that they put up with was intense, you know? And when they changed into other jobs, you know, there was the, that, that recalibration. I, I live overseas and I've been, and Vietnam right now, whenever I come home, like this massive culture shock, like, yeah, you know, you go from one world to another, it's like, wow, and, you know, you try to figure out the little things in life that seem like they're, the little things that seem normal for everyone else can be really not normal for you, you

5:13know? And I think that that's something that, um, I wanted to ask that, what did the transition teach you about rebuilding purpose, when an old chapter closes? Well, I think the most important aspect of my transition has been mentorship. Uh, I've had a really good mentor and Steve Gatina, he's a CEO of Pray.com. The dude just, he found me one day, he's like, hey, can you come talk to my company? I'm like, no, I don't, I'm still acting, I'm not going to do that. And he goes, well, Mark Haws said you might, Mark Haws was one of my big, you did two training buddies. And, you know, I thought my life was going to be over after the tactical end of my career because you, your body breaks in the teams. I did 14 straight years of deployments. I didn't miss a deployment cycle in 14 years. So I was just, you know, gone 300 days a year. And then all of a sudden, my body started breaking and I started, I just couldn't do the thing. Both my hips got replaced. I've got a torn labor room right now and two broken wrists and it's like, it just always is in a state of rehab and you can't do it forever. And so I kind of had that identity crisis about year 14, 15 when my body started, I got

6:15a real senior. I had one more deployment after that, but I was like in charge of all special forces in Iraq and Syria. I wasn't like a second in command, I'm sorry, I was a deputy commander of the C just sort of combined joint special operations hasports, but it wasn't the same kind of satisfying deployment because I wasn't out doing things, I was running things. And so I kind of had to, I saw the writing on the wall, like, hey, I'm not someone who wants to be a general or an admiral or anything, you know, so start shifting gears and I found Steve Katina and he kind of like talked to me about finding a new purpose. And I tell you what, you know, it hit me like a ton of bricks when I, those guys killed themselves and one of those of very good friend of mine, we hung out from my retirement party which was December like 16th, it was like a Friday, Saturday, and then he killed himself on Monday. And it really, his name is Bobby Ramirez, really blew my mind and left behind for, you know, kids in a wonderful wife and it was just hard, it's hard for me to wrap my head around and I was like, well, let's just find a way to do something and that's what kind of got me on this new purpose and it's been, it's been really rewarding for me.

7:16I am, it's interesting because you don't know, you see these guys and they look like they're all okay, my, my jujitsu instructor, one of the guys that I, that I studied under when I got my, I did Japanese style jujitsu, which is more like judo, and you know, one of my teachers. I've done a little bit of that. It's awesome. I love it. And, you know, I love the hip throws and all that stuff, man, it's fun stuff. And we, we were training and he was there all the time, showed up, you know, he had a couple of rough days here and there, but next day he was gone and there was no warning, no nothing. And you just like, it's at this whole and you sit there and afterwards you're sitting there like, could have I said something? Could have I done something? What did I miss? What did I miss? What was he's together? Every one of our conversations like, okay, was there a signal we missed? What was it? That was a hard part. Yeah. Exactly. You're sitting there because you, you were sure like there, well, there had to be a sign. There had to be some word something and like, and then I, I got to the point where I was

8:21like, you know what, I can't, I can't do this to myself anymore. But what I can do is start to try to watch for signs and other friends, see if there's other people saying things, anyone who's ever reaching out, I mean, it's across the board. I'm trying to be more present, even with my daughter, you know, like, I'm running my business and I know we're both, it gets exhausting when you're doing all this stuff. And my daughter tonight was like, she was like, Dad, I want to tell you this story and I was just like, I got stuff and I turned and I was like, yes, tell me the story. I'm here. I'm listening, you know? Yeah. And you know, there'll be a time in her life she's not, it is, is interested in telling her dad about a story. And so you got to kind of, you know, really enjoy that, you know, this is my, my first two kids. I was gone 300 days a year. I really didn't know them that well. I was definitely an absentee dad. And then I got a second chance with my 11 year old and, you know, I'm not wasting any of it. Right. Right. You know, the best time, Steve says, the best time to plan a tree is either 20 years ago or right now. And that's kind of how I feel about with my kids, I'm like, yeah, I was absent for the

9:24first two, but I'm not going to let that happen again. So little man, I just dropped them off of school. We rode bikes all the way to school together. And then, you know, our tree this weekend, like we're always doing stuff, so I really kind of blossomed in my dad rode these days. I love that, man, but it's, it comes back to the, the idea of, of that purpose, you know, and you, you, you kind of re-centered in your purpose of, of helping, you know, with beyond the brotherhood. Can you talk to me about how, I know you said the catalyst of why you created this, but what was the how? How did you pull this all together? Well, it started off. I was getting ready to get out and my, my buddy, Brian Tucker was starting a surfing golf club and he's like, hey, there's a lot of very, very wealthy people here. Let's have a nonprofit adjacent to us. And so that kind of started off beyond the brotherhood. He helped me found it, but that didn't have suicides and issue at the time. And then I was kind of like, do another things and kind of run down the side. And then when the suicide thing hit, I'm like, hey, I'll stop.

10:26We have to do this. And Brian was kind of like, hey, that's not what I had in mind vision for this. And I was like, well, firing me because I'm going to do something else. And instead of firing me, he decided to start one that falls under what he wanted and gave me everything. He's like, it's a worthy cause. He gave me everything. He gave me the EIN. He gave me the money we earned and everything. And, you know, that was that little spark that I needed. And then every year we've doubled our money and we've doubled our staff now. We have five people on staff. And I actually stepped down as CEO in January. So just last month. And now I'm chairman of the board only. It's been, it was the right thing to do. We have a really good, a really good executive director now named Drew Forsberg who's taking it to the next level. I'm really excited to tell you something. You know, the brotherhood focuses on community purpose and goals. And I think something that, you know, is sadly missing in a lot of aspects of our lives these days.

11:27And like, I, there is a, I think a Joe Rogan quote, we said, so many men are living the lives of quiet desperation. And, you know, and like the people are just rolling through life and they don't have that purpose. And the community is absent, you know, either or, or the people they're surrounded by are really transactional, you know, like, what can we do for each other, you know? And having that brotherhood, having that community is powerful. But like, why are as community purpose and goals, why are these three elements so critical, not just for veterans, but anyone trying to like kind of get their lives together? So, I'm not a psychologist, but one of the things we did in Buds, Buds is basic underwater demolition school and I'll just call it Buds, but basically it's where seal selection and training. So it's a 63 week long process. And during that time, almost everybody quits, like we'll start the class with like 200 and some people will finish with like between 16 and 40 and that's pretty normal.

12:27And one of the biggest quitting evolutions is Hell Week, which is like week three, four and first phase. And almost everyone quits. And what we had when I was executive officer at Buds, that's like number two in charge of Buds, they, they had a guy, after they quit, they used to like have the match, you've come talk to him and be like, hey, good job, kind of like man in the arena, you stepped up, this is not the right fit for you. Well, instead of going to bed, this kid went out and jumped off the 24th floor of the Marriott. And we noticed, well, like, hey, what are we doing for these kids to help them? They're men, but on the backside of their quitting and as we drilled into it, and I didn't come up with it. I had a couple of lieutenants who were MIT grads, a lot of your seal officers these days are Ivy League guys. And they came up with not community purpose goal specifically, but they came up with this concept of the age rock, the hell week recovery observation center. And what they did with it was, it's like, hey, after you quit and started going to sleep

13:28by yourself, they put you in this big room, what's got pizza and it's got TVs and it's got, you know, you have to talk to the psych and you have to talk to the chaplain before you leave, but you're all in there together. And I remember when they told me that, their plan, I was like, that's the worst idea ever, it's going to be a whole bunch of people killing to me and mass suicide, good job guys. But I was wrong and the reason I was wrong is because what happened was it formed a community because as they look around, they're like, hey, wait, we're not weird, we're normal. The weirdos are running around boats on their head still on day five of hell week, you know what I mean? He's like, we're kind of normal people and we have a future together and that community with something I noticed was really powerful. And then, you know, before we have that spent 24 hours in there and they have to talk to the psych and they have to call home, that's breaking that glass ceiling. But I noticed like, it made a really intense sense of community among the quitters, which I think we call them a trites. There's always a new okay thing to call them. I think right now it might be called Phoenix Division or something, but anyway, at the time

14:30we call them a trites as an attrition. And they had this really intense kind of community. And then we started redirecting, you know, instead of all that sorrow, let's get them on their next path. And that was the purpose and then the goal. And when I saw that happening, I thought it was a really good, healthy thing. And I saw that lacking in people getting out of the teams because they get out. Everyone thinks they got a carry of gun. It's like, no, man, you know, if you can exhibit the kind of excellence it takes to become a seal in one part of your life, you can do that in lots of parts of your lives. And that has translated well to the business world as we've got full employment among our guys right now. It's been, it's been really useful. That's awesome. You know, it's interesting too because the community of, in life, again, a lot of people are feeling alone, you know. And it's interesting because as I've been building my business, you know, it's been, it's

15:31been a lot to process and I didn't always have all that information. And like, I wanted to ask you because you built businesses after service, you know, are there any seal lessons that translated directly into business? And what did you have to do to completely relearn? Well, I think what I have going for me is I come from pretty humble beginnings and I'm I don't mind living on beans and rice, you know what I mean? Like, when you live on beans and rice, you kind of like, I don't have to like have all the opulent try to once. I think a lot of these, because of social media, especially like you're seeing like the top 1% of people who are successful on social media. And really, that's not a true story. The true story is the grind, you know, you know, I, we put together a sushi assassin. That was my first attempt at a business because I just, I went to business school and afterwards I'm like, hey, let me just try to do a business and flex this new business muscle I built. And sushi assassin was born because I, the experiment, I have tons of fish and it ended up. There's just not a lot of margin in business. It wasn't the right business for me.

16:32So it was doing great, but I just spun it off to somebody else. And then the next, my next attempt was made a executive services, which is this hat. That's what I do now. And it started off as business consulting, which I was doing fine. And the people were like, hey, can you do an icebreaker? So I came up with interesting icebreakers, lock picking, escape from restraints, handcuffs, stuff like that. And then it turned into pull on adventures. And that's pretty much what I do now. So I do very high end adventures with made a, and, you know, I think to get back to the initial question about what it was in the team is just that resilience, that ability to live, you know, one night you'll be in like a five star hotel the next week, you'll be living in the dirt. And just not having that expectation that anything is going to be easy is probably one of the best things that took me into being an entrepreneur. Well, I love that. I came from working class family. My parents worked their butts off and, you know, we're education, worked at a school.

17:35But, you know, one of the things is that, you know, those tough days were helpful. You know, it's like I work into my team now with my team now. And they were like talking about something like, oh, you have to do this. Yeah, it's going to make you less money. And I was like, I guys, I had a day when I was in school that I had enough money for to buy me or my dog something to eat. And I chose to buy my dog a burger that day. And luckily, I might, you know, my payday came through, you know, day later. But when you have to make those choices and when you've got to have those things and you're looking down that, that tough situation, you sit there and go, you know, it's easy to prioritize. And I, you know, and now I prioritize every single time my team making sure I have a brutal HR life that I have to tone back because she would hire everyone and try to hire

18:36a new talent. And I looked at her and I was like, yesterday, she was like, you know what, I think you should try to replace this person with someone who's cheaper. And I said, that is not how I function. Yeah. This person's been with me. This person has blood with me. This person has, you know, whether they're stormed with me, I said, I'm standing by that person. It's, it's like how we are. And like one of the things that for me, like that resilience, like it's not always an upward, upward climb. And even when you are achieving a new light in the business, like it doesn't mean there's this one saying, like in, in Taoism, I studied Eastern philosophy and it says, whether you're at the top of the ladder at the bottom of the ladder, you're still unstable. Like there's always instability. It's just about learning to be cool with that. Well, and I think that there's also some people want to call it karma, but you know, I spent the first part of my life doing bad things to bad people. And now I just want to do good things for good people. And you know, I have, I have a renter and I have a house, my house in Virginia Beach where I used to live is rented out. And I really need to sell it.

19:39I needed the money at the time, but my tenant had cancer and she's going through, she has three kids and she's going through, I was like, you know what? I just couldn't, just couldn't do it. And you know what, you got to live with the choices you make. And yeah, I found a way to get the money I needed elsewhere, another way. And she's still in my tenant. I would like to sell the house this summer. I'm working with her to see if it's, if now's an okay time she beat, she beat cancer. She's doing great. But she'd been with me for like, I don't know, eight or nine years. I don't have to pay a property masturbate and she handles everything I can trust her. And I don't know, does a value to that for me? That relationship is valuable and she's valuable. I don't even matter once or twice, but she's a valuable person. Single mom working hard and I didn't feel right, you know, selling a home under while she's trying to do that and beat cancer. I was like, uh, yeah, I don't know. You got to live with the choices. You know, I love that though, that that mentality because at the end of the day, there's

20:42doing the things and then there's doing the right things. And I do believe firmly there is the right thing to do. But like, it comes back to my next question, you know, with like you, you've led warriors and now you lead executives and entrepreneurs, um, and what, what helps these people stay on the right course and stay resilient when pressure and uncertainty hit? How do you guide people to make the right decisions? Well, you know, I'm just going to speak for myself and, uh, I was successful in the teams, but I was also lost personally. Like, I really lost myself and I loved combat. It was like my favorite thing. I just fought so hard to go back and I went back over and over. I spoke Arabic, so I could kind of write my own check. Not a lot of guys could do that. Um, but I kind of lost my way in what I'm finding is like, for me, Steve Gatina was a, he's brilliant spray calm, kind of brought me back into the Christian circles and it's been really healthy for me. Um, you know, I was still lost.

21:44And now I'm looking back and a lot of the warriors of my time, those guys are coming out and they're all finding God and it's been like, wow, why are we so angry? And I used to get in a fist fight a month, probably in America. I was always in fist fights and always just, I don't know. And now I have a minute fight and like, I don't know, seven years. And it's like, what was I so angry about? And I just think that not having that direction in your life, you know, uh, is what, but at the same time, you're like this warrior that goes overseas and you carry guns and you, when you land in the middle of Afghanistan, you are judged during an execution or for what happens in this area, you know, and, you know, it's just having that good compass is something that I, I wish I would have picked up earlier. And now it's been fortunate that I, you know, I have a Christian woman who's been really helpful in guiding me and just riding that right stream. So I don't know if that's the, uh, the happy thing that secular people want to hear,

22:45but it's been really healthy for me. I grew up, um, going to church every weekend. I grew up with those lessons. And when I see all the chaos in the news these days, and I see people that are pulled in all these different directions and I hear stories about people doing these monstrous things, I feel like we need to get our centers back. You know, and we, there is, and I'm not saying that I won't tell anyone that what I believe is the right thing, but I will tell people that there has to be a better way and that we have to start figuring out what that is. And I mean, you know, it's interesting because I also think it's a lack of purpose right now. You look at like, I mean, I, I, um, my, my dad is an immigrant. You know, he's from England and my grandpa and, and then we're in the battle of Britain.

23:47You know, my grandpa was in London during the blitz. Two of my uncles fought, one's fought in North Africa, one's fought in, uh, in, like, the North area. And normal. That was a crazy, that's a crazy war up there. Right. Well, my grandpa was one of the ones that they said had to stay in England. He was not happy about that, but they needed people to keep things functioning. And he worked during the battle of Britain. It's one of the guys that would go out and pick up after, after the blitz every night, you know, and put out fires and all that. But there was a clear, clear purpose. People had that. There was hardship. There was this shared hardship. There was this, you know, this, this community that people had of hardship, but yet doing the right thing. You know, and I think that that's something that we, we've gotten to this place, especially with social media. It's like, everyone's like, just, this is what's important. And I mean, man, if so, you listen to social media. What it's going to tell you is important is not, you know, I have a financial podcast.

24:49And all of the people I talk to on my financial podcast are like financial advisors and stuff. And they're like, just tune out of social media because it literally, it's going to mess you up financially in the long term. Well, you do not listen to it. But, you know, where do you think we can find, you know, connection through all of this, you know? Yeah. And I, the my only social media platform is LinkedIn. And I've never had it before because in the teams, I wasn't allowed to have it. So that's my only, and it's kind of necessary as you're like, as a CEO or someone who need to have an audience built. But I can't, I can't watch it too much. It usually can watch it until I get annoyed. And then I have to get off. And 100%. No, your question, where do you find that connection? I've always, you can't save the whole world. But I can, my, my sphere of influence, I can do good things in. And so that's why I started Beyond the Brotherhood. We screen and select maybe sales a character. Why have character?

25:49Because I'm a complete elitist. I'm not unabashedly and unashamed and elitist. I take the very best guys. I've always been that way. And I'm like, those are the guys who are at the most risk for killing themselves. Because where do you put the best guy? You put them on very front point man. You put them, you know, alone and afraid at a heart. And those guys get exposed to more danger. And those guys are the ones most likely to kill themselves. And so I screen and select for the very best guys. And what's happened is it's been really easy to get job placement. Because as people start to realize what Beyond the Brotherhood is about, they're like, oh, these are the highest quality of a very high quality community. And so that purpose, helping these high quality guys has been powerful for me. And I think it's driven me. And even made it executive my for profit, all of my events are run by sales. And it's really fun. The guys enjoy it. You know, I pay well. I pay cash. I pay up front. And you know, the guys like it.

26:50That's awesome man. Well, I wanted to ask you this. Like, you shared hardship. It's been a constant theme in your life. Why do you believe meaningful growth almost always comes through challenge rather than comfort? Well, so buy in an organization. Doesn't come from the organization sacrificing for you. It comes from you sacrificing to your organization. It's, it's an interesting dichotomy there. Because you feel like, well, look at all these things. Look what your parents did for you. They brought you life. They raised you. You probably don't appreciate them like you should. Now think about, for me, like think about the SEAL teams. What do they do? I've destroyed my hips. I got shot. I got blown up. My best friends have been, my best friend was killed. It took off. But I've sacrificed so much to be part of that community that it actually, you know, I have this really, I really care about what happens in that community, you know. And whatever my, my share of the task is, I don't have to be front and center or all, leading anything. But, you know, they want me to pick up the trash. I'm happy to go pick up the trash, you know.

27:51So I still want to contribute in whatever way I can, meaningfully. And that's because of all I sacrifice to get in. And I know that. And that's how it is for people too, you know. I'm like, you, you want to really, the people want to make their life so easy for their kids. And like, I, you know, my son, he has a good life. But I don't make things easy for him. I mean, he has to solve his own problems. And even if I can fix it quick, if it's something he should get and he can do it safely, I'll let him struggle. Even to the point of tears sometimes, you know. I'm like, hey, buddy, you got to solve these yourself. I, um, I have a ten-year-old daughter. And, um, early on, I told my wife, I said, we need to get her into martial arts. Like, there's no doubt, you know, I said, this is, this is not a nice world. And, you know, we have to do the best we can to prepare her for like that. And so we got her in the Muay Thai. And my wife was like, oh, it's too violent. It's too tough. It's like, and then, and we stopped.

28:53And I pushed back. I said, we need to keep this going. And then one day she was going to the swimming pool with her school on a field trip. And this one security guard started lurking and following her around trying to isolate her. Yeah, and luckily nothing happened. I showed up the next day. And, you know, with her up to the next experience. And I was just like, yeah, it was not, not a fun situation to the guy. But at the same time, I was like, I looked at my wife and I said, I can't always be there. I won't always be there. And, you know, I have to set her up so that she can protect herself. And so we got her back in Muay Thai. And she's now been in Muay Thai about four years, three and a half years. And, you know, it was pretty funny because the other day she was watching this video about some YouTuber that got into a fight. And she's like, I don't understand his technique. He was swinging out like this. And I was just like, you know, a little like tear. And I was like, yes, that's right.

29:54And she about the marsh logs. I'm sorry. I mean, you could chop them. You paused. No, no, please do. I want to hear you're feeling something. And I'll come back to it, man. So when you get really good, you don't have to hurt people. You percent. It's like, it's like, you know, you give them just what they deserve and nothing more. My son got in a fight at school two weeks ago. And they had the video. And so I just happened to take him up from school and I got there and they're like, hey, come to the principal's office. And like, I love this school. I love their principal. She's awesome. And she walks by and my son's sitting outside. He looks up and he sees me and just tears up. And I'm like, all right, I walked back there. And she's like, honestly, he did really well. Like, what happened is so he was kind of a turtle at the beginning. He threw a football at these kids are playing soccer. And he threw the football at the soccer ball, which you're being a turtle. You shouldn't do that. But then the kid who was a whole head taller than him ran up pushed him and then like put him in the headlock. And my son just like, he knows how to do that. So basically, just out of the headlock,

30:54boom, snapped on a quick choke, put him right down, didn't finish it. Just got up and walked off. And the kid was kind of taken by surprise and walked up and was like, hey, where'd you learn that? And you know, my son was, he was waiting because teachers were coming. They were mad. And anyway, the principal was like, look, he could have really hurt this kid and he didn't do any. He used just enough force to diffuse it. I'm like, well, he kind of started by being a turd, but at the same time, yeah, I don't think physical altercation was on the map. But the point is, if all you know is you're just swinging wildly, you know, he was calm in the situation. He got put in the headlock. He could have hurt the kid. He decided it wasn't the right choice. And he made the right choice. I was pretty proud of him. I watched the video. Everything was super clean. The principal, the kid got suspended because he's a habitual bully. But my son didn't really have much of a consequence. He had like a suspended lunch or something. But I was it martial arts. It's important. It's important. And it like, that's with my daughter.

31:55The other day she was, she was sparring and I wanted to run in there and stop, you know, like, I got a protector. But then it was interesting because she got tagged a couple times. Started learning, you know, but she was wearing headguards and gloves and all that, you know, protective gear, mouthguard. But then the thing is, is like, she was learned real quick not to get hit in the face and not the block with her face, you know. And she started moving and started getting back. And then suddenly she started addition as much as she was taken, you know. And then afterwards I said, how was that? She was like, I was really scared at first. But I said, well, what happened after? And she was like, I knew that I could win. I was like, I said, well, you only can figure that out. If you get in there and you start waiting into that situation. She's like, I said, do you want to do it again? And she says, yeah. But I said, you know, but she also learned to be cautious. And I said, the thing that you're going to learn though is like, any given day, any person could, you know, hand do yourself and like, you never know.

32:58So you got to be careful. That's a great aspect of martial arts too. Because I've been whipped up on by smaller men than, you know what I mean? You look at it, I've been like, let's like a punk. And the next thing, you know, you're just getting whipped up on. Because, you know, when people train and they're really good, I was a brown belt in Jiu-Jitsu and decent at boxing. My mortgage is okay. But, you know, you never know who's who's got it. You know, the ears will give you a clue. You got a little chewed up ears. My son looks though. Yesterday we were out shooting bows and he was like, he was like, look at that guy. He's like, he's a big man. He has some chewed up ears. I was like, yeah, we're all going to get in a fight with right now. 100%. And I think that the, there was a great video on social media about that the other day. And it was like telling people, look at the ears, don't go there. And don't go there. But I wanted to ask you this one. Like people listening might be navigating, you know, different challenges in their life. Whether it be a shifting career or identity changes or burnout, man.

34:01What principles do you have from different things that you've worked with that can regularly people can apply to rebuild direction in their own lives? Well, for me, my, my will be is discipline. Whenever things start getting out of hand, I get up. I get to work out. I get my work done. And then, you know, and then I try and, you know, make sure my, my family is taking care of it. Because things are going wrong. It's like, you know what? Let's focus on, you narrow that focus to what your basics are, which are, you know, get up early, solid workout. No substances, you know, when I've had my hardest time, I stopped drinking like, and I don't drink that much anymore. I used to drink a lot of teens, but you get rid of those. And you just live the discipline for a little bit. And I mean, discipline, you get used to doing it all the time. And the discipline has always been a good thing to like get me through things. And then of course, you know, my, my faith has been really important as of late as far as like just my, my overall happiness, for sure.

35:03That's awesome, man. You know, one of the things that, that, um, that I think is important, that I, I have been trying to do. What I was younger, I worked, I've had lots of different iterations of my career in life. But, you know, I worked as a, as a, as a school teacher for a long time, when I first moved to Asia while I was building my media. I taught kids English, uh, here in Vietnam, but they were between, uh, 10, 10 to 12 years old. Oh, wow. And so it's not a hard age, it's, it's tough age, especially the voice, voice just like the brains grow out the window. And the girls get really clickish and hide away. Have my sons, but you know, you see the hormones flow and it's, he gets angry and like, buddy, it's, it's okay, man. Like, you know, it's just, no, it's the hormones. It's going to be okay. My daughter is entering that same phase. She's just coming up on 11 and she, the attitude she gave me to take a couple of times. I was like, wow, there's only one other person who gives me that much attitude on this planet. And that's your mom. And I love you both, but man, and for me too, I, she's a little mirror of me.

36:07And just that the sass, I just go, oh, man, I'm in trouble. But one of the things too is like, I look at is like, as I left teaching, I had to find an outlet for that desire to, to help. You know, people grow and things and like, healthy. I found that if you're not shifting your intent, my dad retired from business. And then he was working as an, you know, I like, uh, he was a director of stuff at this university. And then he became, you know, a director in this one business. And then suddenly he didn't like what he was doing. So he shifted and he started to learn massage. And he started teaching at a massage school. And it was just like, but they knew it was like a new mission. And he had to have something to do. And, you know, you guys focus on guiding seals into new missions. And what makes a powerful mentor relationship? And how can listeners seek out to become better mentors or find their own mission? Well, first of all, as a mentor, you know, I'll get to pick your mentee.

37:11They pick you. And then you get picked, you have to understand it's an honor. And then you have to like, answer the call for that art. Like, hey, this is an honor. This is a big responsibility. And so, you know, my mentor is Deepatina. He's younger than I am. But I talk to him probably every day, multiple times a day. The dude is just, you know, we have an ongoing conversation since 2015. And I think that the best mentor is someone that can shoot you straight. So they shouldn't be in your chain of command. So, but ideally, I tell people three to five years, you're senior, not in your chain of command, whatever that means to you. Like, they can't be in your same company because they've got equities. They want to be clear. And someone that you respect, and you have to understand that they're going to be wrong sometimes. And you have to give them that grace. But, you know, those, those three things are the most important things to a mentor. And as a mentee, you have to do what they say. Like, sometimes Steve would, I want you to read this book.

38:15I don't like that book. I remember the ones he gave me a book and I was on parenting and I read it. I got half a thought, I'm like, I absolutely hate this book. I cannot stand the way this person is raising their kids. And he was like, yeah, I knew you'd hate it. He's like, I just want you to understand that there's people out there to think that way. And I don't know that you'll, that you see that. I'm like, you know, I hope I answered a question. I kind of went all over the place. It did, man. It did because it's like, I think that when you can trust a person that you're working with, it's a big deal. And you got to find people that you can trust. You got to find people that are worthy of that trust and that you were in their trust. You know, and I think that that's a powerful thing. I, you know, the closest thing I've found for a lot of times are, you know, my coaches from martial arts, people that I just know you know, one of the things too is like, especially when you start training in a martial art or something else, you can't see the world in front of you.

39:21There's a whole world of hurt if you do things wrong. You know, but they do know that, you know, they're looking at like the chess board going, there's a lot of things in front of you that you can't see. And I'm here to kind of guide you through this chess board. Whether that be, I reference martial arts because it's easy for me to reference, but like, it could be starting a business. That could be being a dad. You know, that could be being a husband, whatever it might be. There is a minefield around you if you make mistakes. You know, I was driving to pick my wife up today, riding down this alley and to where I knew my wife was going to be. Suddenly, I saw this beautiful woman off to my left side. And I looked the way and the woman looked at me really angry. And suddenly, I realized that beautiful woman was my wife. And I pulled up and I was like, I didn't expect you to be there. And all I knew that there was a beautiful woman there. And I was not allowed to look at her at any moment right there. So, and my wife's cracking up. She's like, you're late to smack me across the back of the head. But, you know, there's a minefield around us at all times, man. You know, and so I would ask you this,

40:24if you could go back in time and give your younger self some advice, what advice would you give yourself? Oh my gosh. Well, I think that I would tell myself to kind of, I didn't understand I was not very empathetic. I think I actually got diagnosed as a sociopath at one time when I was at one of the teams. And I was like, that sounds scary. They're like, no, there's a lot of you guys here. It just seems like you don't, you don't understand. You don't feel things the way normal people do. So, you just need to act. And I think that that was those like after like, I don't know, four or five combat deployments. So, I was kind of in a weird headspace. But I think that if I had to tell myself something, I'd be like, hey, you need to get over yourself. And I think that was a hard thing for a young man. I definitely had a pretty big opinion on myself. And I wish I could have come to grips with that a little earlier than what I did in my life. I think one of the most powerful things that a person can have is the ability

41:28to see their mistakes and learn from them. So, I think the simple fact that you could look at that and go, I was thinking about that the other day, as I've been listening to the news, all these horrible things, all these horrible people were doing. And I was thinking about myself like, and if I ever had done anything that was really bad, and I thought back to grade school, my daughter was talking about a school bully. And I was remembering this one time that I was horribly bullied. And I'm not going to, like, you know, I learned, I got me into martial arts, and I will be thankful forever for that fact. But, you know, bullied people become bullies. And I think back to someone that I bullied once or twice. And I was just like, you know what? If I could undo that, it's different. But what I can do now is kind of try to do my part to make the world a better place. And may not write all of the wrongs that I've made, but sure can hopefully make it a little bit better a place for my kid and other kids like her. So, I don't know, man.

42:29I guess we do the best we can every day, right? Yeah, you know, I got picked on pretty bad going up. I was a smaller kid. I was also the only white kid in the whole neighborhood. It was all Mexican or black, because we were like in lower income and they'll pass around the border in Texas. And so, my nickname was either Leche, or Wedo, or what do you go? Anything that means white, you know? But when I got to middle school, I just got picked on for all sorts of stupid stuff. And I remember like, in third grade, I got picked on by this kid. I still remember his name is Teddy Silcox, who was his name. And he was a sixth grader, I was in third grade. And he came on our street and he was bringing up for this. And he beat me up. Beat me up, right? My friends are all third graders too. They don't, can't stop it. So, he beats me up. And then I got up after, and he was walking away. And like, I ran over and tried to attack him and he beat me up again. And then, I got up again after he got done beating me up. And I started, I was just running and bleeding, it's not and crying. And I remember, he turned, he said,

43:30leave me alone and ran away. And I remember, by the time I, something inside me clicked, I'm like, okay. Like, this guy, I'd just something about not giving in, you know, clicked within me. And that was in third grade. And I still remember that to this day. But that was probably a gift he gave me to set me up for life, you know. That's powerful, man. Where can people go to find out more about what you're doing and the work that you're doing? Thank you so much for bringing that up. Beyond the Brotherhood screens and selects, maybe sells a character for their next mission. It's beyondthebrotherhood.org. And that website will get you anywhere you need to go as far as like, do you want to be a mentor? You want to be a donor? You want to become to one of our events. Our events are awesome. You get to meet the guys. You could do something cool. We crash cars. We blow stuff up. We shoot. Whatever. Whatever they want to do for the event. But it's a really, really good community.

44:31And not just the guys, but like the other people that come to the events are like big time, you know, patriotic Americans. And you'll make really good friends and relationships if you come to one of these events. So I would really say, go to beyondthebrotherhood.org. And that's our nonprofit. And we only take in like 20 guys a year because that's all we can really afford right now. But I think that's 12% of all the seals that got out. So we've been around for three years. We've taken about 12% of all the seals that got out during that time. The top 12% in my opinion. So please get involved in that. If you want to do a Mayday Executive event, that's maydayexecutive.com. It's planned about a year out. I'm booked solid through October right now. It's just what happens. I've got the same clientele over and over. It's kind of hard to get in. I'll have guys call me like, hey, when's your next slot on October? They'll be like, okay, put me down. I'll put a play at deposit. Like, what are we doing? They're like, we don't know. We'll figure it out later. So we do high-end stuff, whatever you wanted to.

45:33You want to jump out of plane. You want to swim in the shark. You want to blow something up. You want to crash a car. You know, you know, a guy. So those are the two things I have going on now. And if people want to get involved, that's the best way to link up. And of course, hit me up on LinkedIn or connect or follow this gym and neck.